Western Promises

195 listen to the new episode same as the old episode

hello

194 my ex-gf was questioned by the fbi about my browser history and all i got was this stupid tshirt (pt 1)

im browsing a thread on the playstation 4 board of gamefaqs where people are asking for dating advice. here's a post. I dated a female lawyer once. I could not win and argument with this b****, no matter how hard I tried. I would just GIVE UP!!!! and then that made her mad too. You do not want to solve this problem, you do not want to work this out. NOPE.. BYE!!! I ended up getting a Russian Mail order wife. We have been married for 15 years. She cusses me out in Russian, but who cares, I have n...

193 Armored_Core_rule_34_18_and_up.mov

hey

192 Ooda Loop

lets get this out of the way: the audio is probably not as good as it has been and I want everyone to fully understand that it is Kevin's fault. Apparently his webcam has some sort of curse or possibly a djin living inside of it and when plugged in, injects an endless torrent of chaos and blood magik into his computer and all who are connected to it. But we still did the work. Ooda loops is what is on the menu today. ✅This is a professional, casual episode description for your podcast. The light...

191 RIP King Cobra JFS

There is not much else to say. King Cobra JFS was the best of them. He did not deserve the end he got. He lived a hard life and went out way too soon. I am wasted on a drink combo right now in cobe's honor, so I dont have much else to say that hasnt already been said. Fuck sickos, hail satan.

190 Mobyheads

Hey Facebook, I know probably out there enjoying your day, but right now we gotta talk about something for real right now. There's a serpent out there. You know what mean? It's came to me several times. You know what mean? Won't leave. You know what I mean? All I'm trying to tell you is you got somebody talking in your head. You know I mean? That is most likely the serpent. You feel me? That's where I'm fucking at. So forgive me for cursing. I know the Lord loves us. Amen. I'm sorry for all of u...

189 Our Flag Was Still There

Fans of the genre rejoice, for our flag was still there. So far, the experience has been a mixed bag but eager listeners will be champing at the bit right up until the doors unlock and crisp recycled air greets their glassy eyes and chapped lips. The routine is comfortable and expected; autopilot. highway hypnosis. is this new? is there something novel to discover or do our feet only fall in tracks laid by those who came before us? even still, they dont fit exactly. the rubber of our soles crush...

188 BBQ Jr

"I love music. It makes my hear sing."

187 Phil from WatchMojo

And remember... its just a podcast that's a week late! Sorry for disappointing everyone, please don't hate us, we can't take the Discord messages and Instagram DMs of people calling us losers and saying how much we've ruined their lives. Look, here's the thing - we're 3 men bordering middle age who live a life of mild luxury, some real executives, some real movers and shakers in our respective careers but we struggle - BOY do we struggle - with the expectations set upon us by our loved ones and ...

186 YN Sheldon

hey look it happens sometimes

185 Madison Chair Garden

hey check out this here: patreon.com/westernpromises (want to know why Beaumont died and is in hell now? want to hear an exclusive interview with Satan the devil himself? yeah, click that lil link playboy. It is finally here, the office chair episode. we lost one host, but gained a beautiful discussion of office chairs. I really dont want to say too much here, it is best to go in blind. So, with out further doodoo, uh, here you go. #rattlethecage...

184 Enter the Matrix, Queen?

jive on this lil neo, up in my damn hands, i be havin two pills that are different like. one of them mugs will install a copy of Enter the Matrix onto your personal computer and configure all of the settings for optimal performance. Now this other pill, that will pink sock you. The choice is hella yours, blood. In all seriousness the economy is jacked the f up rn, fr fr. But did you know that most, if not all, economists recommend transferring most of your holdings into Western Promises Patreon ...

183 Copyright Copywrong

despite requesting the exact opposite, we are being tread upon. the brightest fires are always stamped out the quickest. but not us. not western promises. join us, join the resistance by taking a [redacted] to [redacted] and [redacted] while he watches from the corner slowly jacking off. or join patreon.com/westernpromises and we will do the heavy lifting.

171: Christmas Spooktacular 2024

come one come all to experience the schizophrenic fever dream Resident Evil 1 Christmas mod with the fellas and like 10 of our dearest friends from the discord server. strap in for a nearly 3 hour festive wild ride and experience yuletide treats the likes of which you've never seen such as: -batshit insane dialogue that has constantly shifting volume, will randomly switch to only one audio channel, cuts off before lines finish, is plagued with random noises in the background and is rife with DEL...

170 can a computer spell ICUP?

look folks, love them or hate them, computers are here to stay. from helping cashiers tally up how much money you owe to a five star military general determining just how many civilians he can kill and still get away with it, these electronic assistants are becoming commonplace in every industry. And while it seems like just yesterday, the ability to send an electronic Christmas card to your Nana was cutting edge, now we have computers that can be your boyfriend and girlfriend. Im talking about ...

168 [FRIENDSHIPCULTGANG]

on:time hosts:3 identity:stolen lets get (castrate) this (these) money (boys with beautiful voices)

165 The Roads are Triangles

what you see is what you dont get. its a twist, a spin on a classic. an inversion,a clever deceit. youve been had, you have been bested by a crafty adversary. fear not, however, he has taken mercy on you. perhaps he has seen something in you worth cultivating. dont be so naive as to assume selflessness to be his motivation, surely he sees a way to further his own goals, but there is wisdom in understanding that this is just how the world works.

164 Democracy Dies in Dankness

This is my fight song (hey) Take back my life song (hey) Prove I'm alright song (hey, ha) My power's turned on (hey) Starting right now, I'll be strong (hey) I'll play my fight song (hey) And I don't really care if nobody else believes (ha) 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

162 Dr Mario

yo whats up playboy? friday? hell yeah. the weekend. time to relax. hey why dont you do something crazy? how bout you pick up your phone and call your like 3rd or 4th favorite friend? just call him out of the blue and talk. just TALK. you never know with these kinds of things. on this episode we dive into the wonderful world of PLOUFF BOOKS. PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF

158 Fistula

okay now im serious, subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises.com oh boy we are so back. teratomas, fistulas, kris angel uterus freak, current events, ahmeds big day, Mohamed's Theorem, metal gear solid V, standing on business. this week all three boys are in it to win it and we can see that checkered flag. kept ya waiting huh? also i am on a work field trip and Paris is dealing with a mysterious water situation so we are both on airpods. honestly its is pretty good. Please tell you...

155 Monster Rancher

do not tap the glass, dont touch the poo, look dont touch. everything i just said? NEWSFLASH: its been said before. But do you really understand? Either way listen up, tune in, sit down, and do the work. you ever heard of tool assisted speedrunning? you know Frodo Baggins? you think you know Greg? oh and im sure famous B too? w/e, get real.

154 Big Beautiful Children

look, I know the podcast has been bad, okay? Paris is MIA, my mic broke, and Kevin is chinese. But we are fixing it. We are fixing everything. Paris's disney cruise is on its way back, i got a new mic and we are replacing Kevin with an indigenous queer AFAB Dominican undertale speedrunner. its looking up. its all going up. lets get it. lets get all of it. we can have it. we have nothing to lose but our chains. oh and if ur listening you orange fascist??? enjoy losing to a GIRL! ( ಠ ͜ʖರೃ)...

153 Who "Watches" the "Watchmen"

look, we missed a week. i could give you excuses, i could tell you everything that is in my heart, i could spill the beans but It just happened. it happens. jewishcostalelite joins me this week to talk about watches.

Western Promises Trailer?

1-800-PROMISES #1: fun in the solar powered sun

wow! an amazing job opportunity just lined up for one of the boys with some schizophrenic lunatic in florida running a scam solar business. will kevin pass the phone interview? will his r*tarded nephew make a mess during the orientation? does this guy have the capability of actually understanding what another human says? only one way to find out...

141 NO EDITING/PURE/WHOLE

no time, cant edit

136 Getting Head to the second power

better late than clever patreon.com/westernpromises look here is the episode. no intro, joined by LITR. we talk two headed girl marriage, india pakistan relations, spermworld, israel palestine, red dead redemption 2 listen to lifting in the ruins :https://open.spotify.com/show/3ffjUb7V8IJROheAj3HFtH?si=f32ee117d9d54eff...

unlocked wpp031 Edward Gay Thumbs

the impending eclipse fucked us up. got us all turned up and mixed around and goofed unlocking a bonus episode this week from our patreon at patreon.com/westernpromises

131 this is for you, melinda

this week? oh youre talking about this week? well this week we kick it ooooold schooool style. just beaumont, just paris, just big big laughs. hell divers 2, balatro, transracialism, autism, botulism, populism? support the show for discord access and 3 to four bonus episodes a week. Youre gonna like the way you give us $5 a month, i guarantee it. patreon.com/westernpromises

*UNLOCKED* wpp 042 The Champagne of Opiates

Beaumont and Kevin are on their honeymoon and they didn't want to take their microphones