Hey there, it's Nick. And it's Leah. Real quick thing before we get going. Please subscribe to our show and follow it. And whatever platform you're listening to us on. Yes, whatever app you're using right now, there's probably a plus button or a little bell or it says subscribe. Well tap that please. Just a quick little. And it makes such a big difference for us. We would really appreciate it. We really would. So please do that. And thank you. Thank you. And now let's start the show. Yay!
And it's Leah. And we got so many great questions from you all in the wilderness. That we've a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, is it ever appropriate to lick a yogurt lid or the top of a cup with a lid or a spoon? Basically should tongues be in public? Ha ha. But seriously. I love the line. Should tongues be in public? I mean, I think it's a great question.
So Leah, I feel like I know where you probably stand. Yep. You do. Absolutely. No worries. I want to just hear it from you. Just a case I'm wrong. I was going to write a formal answer to this because I feel like I'm going to get a lot of letters. But then I decided, why would the way I deliver my information be in direct opposition to the message I'm delivering, which is quite informal. Okay. This is how I feel. Sure. Here we go. I'm ready. I think we all know. I'm fine.
I'm ready to lick in your lid. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Leah Bonner. Lick away because I don't think you're getting a lid, a yogurt lid at the ritz. You know what I mean? Oh, I see. Okay. So if we were at 11 Madison, we were not going to be served some faya yogurt in the container. I feel like they're going to take it out. Also, I understand like we all learn where the forks are so we don't take other people's forks. This is my yogurt lid. If the company that I am with is so there were
people that are so rocked and they are so appalled by me licking a lid. That's that's out of my hands. You know, maybe shake your world up a little bit. It's what you live for is licking a yogurt lid. If it makes your day. Oh, are there. There was people. Oh, yes. Is there something that is day making? There's some people I think that love to lick a lid. They love to lick a spoon. They want that last bit. And if that brings you joy, I say,
lick away. Okay. I mean, I think that is a reasonable conclusion based on the logic that you are using. I love how that was slightly judgmental. The logic that you are using. Well, when one's logic arrives at a certain conclusion, I wouldn't say that was actually logic. I would say that's more of a it's a belief system. It's a belief system. I feel like in general,
table manners is about pretending that we're not eating like so much of our table manners in the United States is this idea like, oh, let's just pretend that I'm not actually doing this bodily function and just shoving food in my face. So that's why we have all the sort of pageantry to sort of minimize that vibe and does it make sense? Is it logical? You know, I don't make the rules. I'm just letting you know, this is why we use spoons and not our hands. And so I think the licking does sort of convey more of a.
Oh, I am consuming food in front of you in a more over way. And I think because of that, it does feel a little provocative a little outside the bounds a little bit, definitely an edge case. I get what you're saying. Yeah. And I understand that it's a little provocative, but I think right. Well, you're a little provocative. I think that's okay to be a little provocative. If honestly licking the yogurt lid is what sets the world on fire. Yes.
I mean, I feel like in the spectrum of etiquette crimes, this is not being a no show for your best friends wedding. Right. This is just to look at you overlit. Also, and sometimes being appropriate all the time. Okay. Well, I can't engage. I can't where I'm not going there. The other thing I did have though is that there are different degrees of licking. And so that there was the ice cream cone like that's that's what I was thinking of. I was cream cone. There is a place for that.
There is like licking your fingers after eating barbecue chicken wings at a picnic like that's that's sort of a world in which we might live in. But it does feel like yogurt lid. I mean, because we're probably where are we? When is this yogurt happening? Am I eating with somebody? Am I alone?
They just said our letter writer said in public you could be totally alone and still in public. Well, okay. I feel like if I'm enjoying a yogurt in my bubble world on a park bench. And I am solo, but there are people around potentially observing me. I feel like yogurt lid licking. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Fine.
I feel like if I'm dining with you with me, the generic you. Okay. Because if you're dining with me, we have on and off. Then you can just enjoy yourself and live the life you want to live.
That's also true. Right. And then with other people may I it's less enjoyable. That is true. But I feel like if I'm dining with somebody and I'm being served a whole yogurt with lid, like hotel breakfast buffet. This is actually very common where they like have all the yogurt and then like you just take one back to your table. And I'm dining with somebody else.
I guess the question is who am I dining with and what is our licking relationship? Maybe that's the question. Do I have a licking relationship with the client with my boss with a grandparent? Is this the best friend? Is this a spouse? Who am I licking in front of? And maybe that's the question at the end of the day. I think that is the question. So we can't answer that question because it just depends.
The question was actually should tongues be in public and I say if I have to say yes or no. Yes. But I think there is people that I probably wouldn't lick my plate in front of. Okay. Even the abanama has some restraint sometimes. Would I drag my fork across it and lick that fork? Maybe. Okay. Now, Ms. Manners has actually waited on something similar. And I just want to read you this question and the response.
But I don't know if we want to have any commentary about it. I'm just going to read it though. I mean, now that you've told me that we don't know if we want to have commentary about it, I will have commentary about it. So here's the question. Quote. My husband and I had a wonderful coffee brandy drink in a restaurant recently. The rims of the glasses were frosted with sugar, which looked delicious. Would it have been proper for us to taste the sugar?
And Ms. Manners says, Ms. Manners can hardly imagine anything that would do more for an evening or a marriage than for a wife and husband to sit opposite looking at each other while silently licking the rims of fine glasses. I stand corrected. I think I need to not add anything else. Nope. I don't think we will add anything to that other than to say licking. It's complicated. It's complicated. And now it's time for Nijamexo. Intermexo.
So this episode is brought to you by Uncommon Goods. So Leah, what is Uncommon Goods? Uncommon Goods is here to make your holiday shopping stress-free by scouring the globe for the most remarkable and truly unique gifts for everyone on your list. And one of the great things that Uncommon Goods is that they have customization. And what is more thoughtful than customizing a gift?
And one of the things that calm my eye for a friend that I have that has a lake house is you can get a serving tray that has a 3D topographical map of a lake of your choosing, which of course would be the lake that my friend lives on. And like, how great is that gift? Like, oh, here's a serving tray with your lake on it. And what a great gift.
So tons of great stuff like that. Go to UncommonGoods.com, check it all out. And to get 50% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com slash RBW. That's UncommonGoods slash RBW for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. UncommonGoods. We're all out of the ordinary. And now it's time for Nijamexo. Intermexo.
So this episode is brought to you by Wondry. And let me just say very pumped for this one because from Wondry and Dr. Seuss coming to you live from the top of Mount Cropbitt from the tip top to Dumbit. It's Tis the Grinch Holiday Talk Show. What? Hosted by Saturday Lives James Austin Johnson as the famous curmudgeon, the Grinch. Listen every week as the Grinch goes hilarious celebrity guests as they try to get the Grinch to turn his sour Grinchy frown upside down.
Will they succeed or will he roast them like chestnuts on an open fire and make the who's who of who Lee would cry boo hoo hoo. So follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Talk Show on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts and you can listen to Tis the Grinch Holiday Talk Show early and add free right now by joining Wondry plus.
So our next question is quote I recently went to a chain home improvement store about two and a half hours after it opened and stood at the pain counter waiting for help for so long. I finally got out my cell phone called the store and politely asked if the pain counter was open. Oh I'm sure it is the woman who answered the phone said I see a customer standing there. That would be me I explained I've been here for a while and there is no one here to help me.
She assured me she'd find someone to help me got off the phone found an employee and I heard her say could you help at paint that woman called. Was it rude to be to call the store I would have left the pain counter to search for an employee to ask for help but I've shopped the pain counter at this time of day on multiple occasions and I knew it could get busy very quickly.
So I didn't want to leave find someone then have them immediately start serving whoever was first in whatever line might have formed in my absence. Nor did I want to have to explain to whatever line may have formed that actually had been there for quite a while before they were and had only left to get help so I wasn't actually cutting. Calling just seemed like the best option was it rude. I think the only way it would have been rude is if you were rude on the phone which you clearly were not.
Yeah I think if the tone wasn't like I've been here for like two hours and no one's here. Yeah I feel like if it's just like hey is the paint counter open yeah I think this was the right move. Yeah I think it was totally right but you only brought up that that was you in line because the person said oh it must be I see somebody and you're like oh no that's me.
But I guess the question is when the employee spoke with like found someone who was like that woman called was she calling you out for calling and like that woman called us like always in that person rude or was that employee calling out the person who should have been at their station and be like you were not your station that woman called.
And so I guess the question is who was that directed to yeah I think it was more of the second one I actually don't think they were talking about our letter writer I think they were saying hey we have a person calling can you get over there although I don't know if that detail was necessary it's just like oh there's someone at the
pain counter who needs help can you assist them like that would have been fine I don't think the detail like of a called was probably necessary because then that taints the entire interaction which is like oh now I have to go help this person who I had a call.
I mean why do people do things we don't know that's true yeah who could say who could say maybe that was just their way of being like you know there's some urgency there's some urgency if you could you know two shakes of a lamb's tail get over there but would you have called I feel like this would have been tricky for you like you would have just stood there forever.
No I would have gone and got somebody I wouldn't have thought of calling I don't know if our listeners know this I'm not a phone call person right if you could have texted the store.
Yeah yeah I'll call when it's like a conversation like with a friend otherwise I'm not a caller I would prefer some other form of like a face to face or a text so I just wouldn't think of it yeah calling would not have occurred to me because like anytime I've ever called a store to try and get help like it's never it's never been helpful like a big box store like this is like I'm you're not going to get to anybody like or the right person like that's maddening it's probably easier just like look for somebody and actually if you look for somebody and found the right person.
And actually if you look for somebody and found them then you drag them back there with you and then therefore you are customer number one unless a different employee also arrived while you were gone I guess that's the risk the only other option is to stand there and sort of how well or yell for paint help without moving which seems provocative well this is when you have to bring your own bell.
This is that time when bringing your own bell actually could come in handy you just take the bell out of the bag put it on the counter and start hitting it I did think too bad they didn't have a bell.
I was going to say speaking of provocative I just want to say in typically a fashion back to the last question I just feel like it's important to add I'm not a yogurt leg liquor okay I think that's a principle or we just don't do dairy like what are we what what about this we're not doing I don't like yogurt lids I would put my spoon on it.
To get that extra part it's just not something I do I just felt the need to I because I think you think I'm a yogurt lid liquor and I'm not I have no interest in liking yogurt lids. Oh this has nothing to do with me I'm doing this for the people who deeply enjoy looking yogurt lids I am surprised to hear this this is news because I do feel like you would be a yogurt lid liquor.
I'm just not at all and why is that I have no interest in looking yogurt lids okay interesting so you use this spoon twist it is a twist I was thinking oh Nick things I'm doing this for me I'm doing it for the yogurt lit liquor is out there wow you're so generously.
I think you're correcting me because I was going to go through the day my life thinking that yogurt lid licking was your thing and at all I mean it's definitely no hard no no exceptions not a thing the bottom it does and I don't want people having the wrong idea about you so glad we could correct that just like to give all the information no we appreciate that for paint I assume you don't like paint lids I was going to say I'm not like a
little bit of a yogurt there so long story short I think calling was fine and yeah I feel like it's just sort of an unfortunate customer service experience but when that's not super unusual but I think this was handled fine and it wasn't you it was just weird that they added that I honestly think it could have been to get the other person to move faster yeah I think it was a mobilization technique but you seem lovely I think there was a out of the box thinking idea yeah I know what
we're going for I imagine it's some sort of a beautiful blue okay if for me would probably be gray or off gray or dark gray plummet blackened yeah something something in the fair on ball world at garal and poe oh that's too dark so our next question is quote do some people not understand that working from home is actually
working I'm lucky to live close to my childhood best friend who has a one year old baby we both want to see each other often ideally at least once a week I'm totally fine with being flexible and going over to her place more often since she has all her baby stuff there and we can more easily hang out but on the occasions when I invite her to my place she constantly proposes a time in the middle of the work day
proposing another time has always worked but I find this habit of hers route the implications seems to be that she assumes I'm not working because I'm home should I say something I have multiple levels of feelings about this question oh okay I don't so let's start with your first level well it's just multiple levels because I think the way people come across and people's intentions are not the same fair enough yes I mean my first thought was I don't think this is the
one a dial well I think you could say something like middle of the days don't work for me because it's right in the middle of the work day right and just say it like as a not this time out in general right yes unfortunately during the day it's hard for me to sneak away from work but always happy to get together after six p.m.
I think we just do a blanket statement on that but I do think do some people not understand working from home is actually working yes for sure yes and I think that anybody who doesn't have a job that's at a separate location that's regular hours nine to five has experienced this oh yeah absolutely my most of the past decade with people not understanding that doing
comedy is actually work yeah yeah it's effort it is a thing that does require skill and attention or if I'm at home yeah I'm at home writing like it's actually like it's a job and so I really understand this but I don't think that people are poorly intentioned it's just how they have always thought of what regular jobs are and so you just have to be like no I'm working I could do this later
but I will say like there are people who work from home who actually do enjoy a break in the day like oh I'm sort of like trapped in my house all day long it would be nice having excuse to like just get out of the house for a few hours and so you know maybe you feel like that sometimes and wouldn't be nice to maybe then just like hang out with your friend so I feel like do you want to close the door permanently on a daytime sort of get together maybe not like you know maybe
it's nice to be asked and it seems like this friend is fine with you saying no so it's just a asked and answered kind of thing and like yeah I'm not free today because I'm working all day but maybe next week like oh a two o'clock coffee that actually might be a nice escape I don't think our letter writer thinks that I think our letter writer is like hey these are my days this is my sex schedule I'm home and I'm working fair enough but also yes I do think the people think
that alternative ways of working is not the same as working and that's can be annoying yeah and there's not much you can do about that other than like I think most people don't necessarily work like traditional hours like I feel like the people I know like they never have people I do who like go to an office five days a week and work nine to five
like I don't know I don't have to think really hard about like who do I know who does that well it's like we've had a question before where people somebody assumes that if you're home you're available right yeah oh isn't that far from the truth and you're like no I'm working here or I'm I'm not working here but I'm not available for you yeah I'm also not
available yeah definitely I could be not working and I could be home and I'm still not available yeah so just think about other people's work schedules when you ask them questions thinking about other people oh weird have we brought that up I don't know I think we should that's a good one we should think about that more maybe we should mention that I think that's like a thing we could talk about next time I feel like that's relevant maybe throw that on the whiteboard let's put let's put
thinking of other people on the whiteboard yeah put a pin in that so our next question is quote my friend recently moved to a house on her new flower farm and invited me to a housewarming party she let me know that she be holding a bouquet making class during part of the party and that she would be
charging for it since flowers are expensive to grow and her business hasn't gotten off the ground yet she asked me to RSVP to both the party and the class I RSVP yes to the party but no to the class since I was already buying a housewarming gift and it wasn't in my budget to afford both that
and the class during the party she announced the bouquet making class was starting and then asked if I would change my mind and join I declined and she said that she didn't want me to miss out and would I please reconsider I explained that it just wasn't in my budget she said she understood but seemed unhappy only a few of us guests at the party didn't join the class and now I'm wondering if we all committed a faux pas should I decline to attend the party if I wasn't going to join the class
I'm gonna say that's on your friend yeah I don't think you did anything wrong here you were put in a very weird position very weird because like this was a social event blended with a business event and that lie between the two I guess was sort of very distinct but then you were just made to feel guilty when I read this I heard Nick's voice in my head going oh I don't like that at all I don't care for this yeah no I don't like any of this yeah because it's like
you're trying to guilt me into giving you money that's kind of what that is that's exactly what that is and it's sort of like if I wanted to support your business I would attend to do that but like I didn't want to spend my name a gift which I think I would have had to do for the housewarming like could I have come to your housewarming and not bring a gift and then take your class I don't know but it's like
I don't even want to be faced with that decision I think it's very odd that your friend set it up this way it's a weird construction yeah and then you had done the RSVP incorrectly you I said I can go to this I can't go to this and then when which is appropriate and then you showed up with a gift
which is lovely and then when you went to leave they then as Nick said makes you feel bad which I just feel I don't like yeah and I think a lot of the other friends were willing to do both and I think that's fine but that's also their call that they wanted to do that but I think the host aired
and trying to squeeze a commercial activity into this social activity I feel like she horning that I think was never going to really work out smoothly I also and this may be another for the whiteboard topic it's people's incomes what people can spend every month everybody's budgets
it varies and like that's your budget that's your budget and then there's no more discussion on that yeah for a host to be like oh no really no do it even though you said no we're like do it anyway yeah that's I don't love that I mean the way to have handled this would have been to do a free demo
like if you can't afford to give everybody bouquets of flowers and I get that I guess flowers are expensive you're getting your business off the ground but if you wanted to sort of give an example of like oh what you can do then like was there a way where everybody at the party could participate
and then not charge them like oh I'm gonna just make one bouquet in front of you all showing you what it is and like that would have been a solution I think which is like I feel like could we done that I feel like we could have done that because I think otherwise it's two separate events it's
a housewarming and then buy the flowers and I'll show you how to make bouquets event right yeah but the two together yeah this just wasn't successful and I don't like that our letter writer who is clearly lovely feels bad this was not you yeah this wasn't you yeah and also what were you
supposed to do differently like the first option is like do both the second option is like not attend at all which I guess maybe would have been the best option because it sounds like the host really didn't want you to choose one of the other like that wasn't a sincere choice but I don't
think that's on our letter writer oh it's not on our letter writer to try and read between the lines like I was invited to two things I chose to attend one of the two things as a guest I fulfilled my obligations if a host did not intend for me to choose between these things then the host should
not have given me the choice absolutely right but I feel like the host secretly didn't want you to choose one of the other and so there was some insincereity with that I also have the host it's like do you want to see your friends or do you want them all to say no because they can't afford your
thing or if it was really important for this person to attend this class and you're at the party and you didn't want them to feel left out then you would just be like oh just join the class anyway you don't have to pay for it yeah and just say it quietly in the other room but it sounds
like that wasn't what was important here it was I want your money it's just rude I I do find and I say this all the time it's always when somebody else is being rude that then the person who's not being rude and has done everything right is like did I do something wrong yeah we need a word for
this this sort of you need a word boom or ring reflective coefficient angle I don't there's some there is something physics term there's some property of nature there's some reflective something yeah it's it's on the tip my tongue I can't quite there's it's it's there though we need to come up
with a word for when people who do bad etiquette things make the person who is the victim of that etiquette crime feel like they were the cause yes yes so whatever that is yes so what listeners if you have some words to describe this property we need to put a name to this I really want to name for that because I also feel this is the same kind of some of feeling when you end up feeling like oh I just feel guilty about this interaction that's just happened and then you realize oh no actually
I feel angry this person did this right yeah but somehow the the matrix of how they flew that energy back at me and then you're like oh wait what just happened here yeah no there's something very clever about people who are good at that yeah it is a skill it is a skill to just deflect all etiquette
guilt back yeah it's I guess it's sort of like a concave dish is that what it is yeah I'm sort of seeing it as like a you know in those superhero movies where people sort of take that energy and then they magnify it and send it back to you yeah all right so we need a word listeners
send us your words or your concepts whatever this is gotta put a name to this because I think once we name it then it'll be easier to identify and once we identify it more easily then we can end it yeah I 100% agree I'm looking forward to these very much so so our next thing is an etiquette crime
report my own my own my own we think of that one I mean not bad I like that yeah um yeah listeners we are still trying to find the right sound effect uh Leah has declined weiner weiner weiner which is my preference but um we're gonna come up with something great oh well also if you want to do it
you're welcome to know no no I would never take this away from you so the report is as follows quote I received a written invitation from a neighbor to a dinner party at her home as my husband was not included on the invitation I called her to make sure that this was not a mistake no he
wasn't invited as I've hosted ladies only tea parties I assume this was another ladies only event however when I arrived it turned out that the dinner guests included a single woman myself and two married couples plus the hostess and her husband eight people total all of whom knew me and my husband
both of the couples asked me why my husband did not come was he sick they were surprised when I told them that he had not been invited for some reason I was mortified and as I was leaving after the dinner I asked the hostess why my husband had not been invited her reply oh we only have eight
dining room chairs I was speechless what I mean okay you have eight chairs and so this is how we handle that so rude it's so I can't yeah the only thing I wrote down was rude period I mean yes I mean it's so it's so rude I mean it's so rude it's so rude and this is the excuse I don't I
this is this is not a good excuse no you only have eight chairs and if that's really what you want to stick with that you only have eight chairs and you can't you can't add a chair then I would be like then why did you invite the single person and why don't you just invite us as a couple
yeah I mean that's couples get invited they're a unit they're a pair you don't separate them and let's get really good reason and not being able to go to IKEA and getting a folding chair is not one of them I don't think I would ever talk to this person again I would definitely file this away
and note this about this person and I would have trouble extending future invitations but I would have more than trouble I just would I wouldn't yeah I mean it's pretty rude I mean I guess I wonder like is that really the reason like do we think that's actually is that really the reason that can't
actually be the reason it's just so odd there must be some other reason why we don't want to invite the husband because like this can't be it but then just don't invite the their partner that would have been the play way to handle it right I don't have room for both of you and so right
but to use a chair excuse I've never heard this as it is used before I mean this is a great excuse I'm sorry I just don't have the furniture just don't invite the whole couple yeah that that is what you would do or you know you yeah I mean there was so many other ways to handle this this
was not it though this was most certainly not it so thank you for submitting this etiquette crime report and as a reminder if you have been the victim or witness to an etiquette crime etiquette crime calm it's a great place to submit it we will we can't really do much investigation but we
will serve no I just thought of something we could do we could send these people a chair um I I I actually do have some folding chairs and storage I could put a ship on label on that we could just send them hey sneakily from where you raised my wolves we heard that you had a chair
shortage problem yeah this should help you out in the future oh okay listener if you want to send me the address of this person I will send a chair I will absolutely send you I'm not joking I will go online I will buy a chair online I will have it shipped directly to them with a gift note
is that petty is that rude might be but I am kind of in that mood right now so so I'm willing to commit a etiquette crime to write another etiquette crime sure I feel like is that wrong dick has your back Nick has your wrong I don't know I feel it feels so right though it feels does feel
right it also feels like we might be embarking on a whole new journey yes it's well it's etiquette justice etiquette just sometimes like Robin Hood you know stealing from the rich to give the poor that is technically wrong but you know so maybe sending chairs his in that spirit I mean I love it
okay well we're gonna put this on the whiteboard I have to decide whether or not this is legal but it may not be legal we're gonna have to really legal we're gonna we're gonna get the legal department involved by legal we mean we'll google it so please send us your etiquette crime reports
and we'll of course take your questions your vans your repents everything so go to our website where you raise by rolls calm or you can leave us a voice mail or send us a text message to six seven call or be w and we'll see you next time bye bye
oh lia one more thing what have you signed up for patreon yet I have me too you out there have you signed up for patreon yet no well go to our website where you raise by rolls calm click on monthly membership check it out because we would really appreciate it if you'd support our show we love your support we would so please do that and we'll see next time bye bye