How to stop holding yourself back with Barbara Nixon

back in our comfort zone. I think the problem with the word comfort zone is the word comfort. Yeah? We assume that comfort zone is comfortable. In actual fact comfort zone isn't comfortable. It's just okay. And nothing great happens from just being okay. We don't take amazing action from being okay. We just bumble along. And we do enough because we think I'm okay right now. I'm doing alright.

Let's get going with today's episode. Can you believe that we're already at the end of August? And that brings us to the end of our summer series here on the podcast, where I've been taking you behind the scenes of my Wedding Pro Members Lounge and bringing out some of the amazing training from the archives to share with you here on the podcast. And today is our final day. final one of these sessions.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, the Wedding Pro Members Lounge houses my Wedding Pro Success Ladder. This is my training platform with loads and loads of training for all areas of your business. That is divided into three sections, build, grow, and advance, and then within that.

I separate the sections into the following categories, get connected, which is all about networking, get booked, which is all about sales and making more bookings, get visible, which is all about marketing, get organized, which kind of speaks for itself. And then finally, be calm and confident. And that's the session we're going to be looking at. today.

You see, I realized that learning about business is important, but a lot of the things that hold us back are actually around our mindset and the way that we view ourselves. So I now have training dedicated to that area of business as well as the practical business tips. Now this session was recorded back in September, 2022 with an amazing lady called Barbara Nixon, and it's all about how to stop holding yourself back.

If you are inside the members lounge, you'll find this in the grow section under be calm and confident. So you can go and watch it with the slides. If you want to, I've really enjoyed this summer series, and I would love for you to become a part of the members lounge and get trainings like this.

Every single month from the best guest experts, as well as access to that full wedding pro success ladder, accountability calls each week, and lounge calls where we track our goals and targets every single month on zoom as well. It's a great community. I cannot tell you how much fun it is to be part of and what a great support network is for your business. If you want to try it out, my special summer deal is ending in just two days at the end of August.

So if you want to join us for just 10 pounds for the first month, before it goes to the regular price of 37 pounds, per month, then use the code summer at the checkout and you'll get it at that reduced price. You've got nothing to lose. Come and try it out. I promise you'll want to stay. Enjoy today's session with Barbara and I'll see you soon. Barbara, it's great to have you. I'm thrilled to have you in the members group this morning.

Do you want to just explain to people a little bit about who you are and what you do?

So in that time, I've worked with thousands of business owners and leaders to help them stop holding themselves back, get out of their own way and start getting the results that they really, really want. And it's something that I'm so passionate about because as you said in your introduction, we all struggle with this, don't we? Me included. I'm holding my hand up now. We all just really, really struggle with this. So I'm super excited to be here.

And Barbara, I'm going to hand over to you and I will come back. If you guys have questions as you go through, pop them in the chat. We'll do a bit of a Q and A at the end, but like I said, it's going to be a super interactive session. So enjoy. Over to you Barbara.

So you go away with some really, really practical solutions. So pop it in the chat. Tell me, how do you currently hold yourself back? And what is it? What is it that What's the impact of that on your business? So stick it in the chat. Let's have some, some interaction going. And also if you've not done, not got it yet, get your notebook and pen. And I always feel that you learn better when you've got a really nice cup of tea as well, which I've got mine. I'm never far away from a cup.

So yeah, let us know what do you do to hold yourself back? How do you get in your own way? And especially I'd love to know how does it impact your business? What is it? What is it that you do that impacts your business? Because as I mentioned earlier, I have been there, I have been there, done it and worn the t shirt. And the reason that my business is called Smash Your Own Ceiling is because I see so many people, so many people holding themselves back.

They We create a ceiling for ourselves, don't we? Of the things that we think that we're able to do, the things that we allow ourselves to do. And often that's as far as we go. In fact, one of my clients quite a few months ago now actually said that she's only been reaching for the, the lowest branch that she can see. And it's a, it's a really, really interesting way of describing it, isn't it? That we can only reach the lowest price that we can say.

That's as far as we're allowing ourselves to go. And this can have a massive impact on our business. It can have a massive impact on our confidence and the results that we really, really want. And when I was in this place, because when I started my business back in 2010, I'd been in corporate for a number of years. And I'm just going to click on there. Actually, I'm not. So all of a sudden I'm seeing the chat. I was clicked on the wrong thing. So I was in corporate for a number of years.

And then when I left to go into start my own business, all of a sudden I realized. that I struggle being visible. I struggled with so many things that I needed to do in order to market my business. And I started noticing these blocks that I put in for myself. So morning, Alyssia, let me go through the chat that I've, I missed out. If you've not put your given StreamYard permission. To see your name, that'd be fantastic. So I'm just getting lots of Facebook users there. Yeah, crazy days.

Yeah, you're right. Good morning. I'm a wedding celebrant. Lovely. Pebble artist. Morning, Kylie. Wedding videographer. Veil Production's been going for almost 10 years, and yet I still doubt myself all the time. Yeah. Thanks for, for sharing. Rachel, Kylie I want to do a craft Feb, but I'm too scared. Imposter syndrome. You've got your cup and your water. Fantastic. You're I've got a Facebook user. I'm a venue stylist, and now offering fresh flower designs.

Morning Gareth Alyssa, I hand make book binding keepsakes like photo albums. Vowel booklets. I think I hold myself back to let the people know that they can have from to know what they can have from me and selling. Yeah, so do you mean that you're holding yourself back from actually selling? Another Facebook user, I produce personalized artisan ice cream for weddings and events. Definitely a level of imposter syndrome. So yeah, it comes up time and time again, doesn't it? Imposter syndrome.

So if anybody doesn't know what imposter syndrome is, it's that, that feeling of being found out that we're not good enough. But any minute now, somebody is going to find us out and say, no, you're, what are you doing here? You don't belong here. This isn't, this isn't, you're, you're not good enough to be here. So give me a yes in the chat if you can relate. So I'm sure we've all been there. So common.

We've got another imposter syndrome having moved from corporate office roles to a new business in a very different sector. And again, I really felt that as well, whoever that was that produces personalized artisan ice cream. That sounds delicious. Amazing.

So we can feel often like we've got, we're, we've got all these goals, we've got all these ambitions, we've got all these amazing things that we want to do because you wouldn't actually have started your business if you didn't secretly believe that you could do it. Yeah. But yet we still hold ourselves back and it's like, it's like running your business with one foot firmly on the brake pedal.

So you've got all these goals, these aspirations, these dreams, things that you want to do, but yet you hold, you're kind of keeping yourself small. You're keeping yourself firmly just family, like in your safety, in your comfort zone. And often that can feel so very frustrating and it's exhausting, right? Give me a one in the chat if you can relate to it, just being frustrating and exhausting because you feel like you just got this push pull thing going on all the time.

And when you're resisting something, when you're really resisting something, it takes up a lot of energy. It takes an awful lot of energy because give me a yes in the chat if you can relate to this, where you've got this idea. Maybe you want to market your business. Maybe you want to be visible. Maybe you want to do something that's might be a little bit different. You might want to run a stall or run, go to a fair and you start second guessing yourself, right? You start going, Oh, should I?

Oh, hang on. Will there be anybody there? Oh, hang on. Is it right for me? Oh, I've never done it before. Maybe I should wait a little bit longer.

And all the while, rather than just doing it, which would probably take two minutes of putting your name down somewhere or replying or turning up, we go round and round and round the houses, just torturing and tormenting ourselves over and over and over again, until either we do it, after we've gone through all of this, this stuff, or we end up not doing it. Anybody been in that situation? Garen's got all ones. Kylie's saying yes. Yeah, Becca's saying one. It's mentally draining.

Absolutely right, Becca. And it takes us so much time. So much time. So, we, yeah, we need to do something about it. So, Rachel, I'm the same as Kelly. I definitely stay in my comfort zone. I increased my prices this summer. Yay, Rachel, well done. And haven't had many inquiries since. And now I just have to be patient and keep my cool. Absolutely. Keep you cool and believe. Definitely. Definitely. Alyssa is saying, yes. So we're all in the right place.

And the one thing that I want you to know is that this is perfectly normal. Yeah, the fact that we're all here, the fact that this is at my entire business means that it's perfectly normal. This is all just part and parcel of being human, right? So it's just part and parcel of being human. Kelly's She's put prices up and it's slowed down. Yeah. Rachel. Yes, Gareth, I'm the same. I make excuses all the time. Sophie. Sorry, I'm late. No, no worries.

You're all, you're, you're here at the right time. So holding yourself back is just part and parcel of being human. We've all done it at some point. We just, I don't, just don't think we talk about it enough because we expect ourselves to be, you know, perfect. We still aim for perfection. We expect to be, once we know we've run our business, we expect to just be that person that's got all, all our ducks in a row and we're on it.

And it's hard for us to kind of own up and go, yeah, I've got one foot on the brake pedal. I'm seriously holding myself back right now. But imagine what it'd be like if you didn't. Imagine what it'd be like if you didn't. So can you put that in the chat for me? What would it actually be like if you took that foot off the brake pedal? If you didn't second guess yourself anymore, if you didn't go around in circles, if you didn't listen to your inner critic, what would that actually be like?

What would the results be like? What do you reckon it would be? Stick it all in the chat because so often we focus on other things that were, we feel as though we're doing wrong. But very rarely on the things that actually this is the things that we want things that we want to happen What would it be like? Oh, yes. I've just seen the note freedom. This is where freedom lives Yeah, this is where freedom lives. Give me a two in the chat if you started your business for freedom I did back in 2010.

I'd just gone back to work after having my, my youngest daughter and been on maternity leave. I'd gone back to my corporate job and I wanted freedom. I actually wanted to do the school run every single day. I wanted to do the coffee mornings, like what Talks about this morning. That was my dream because when I was in corporate, I never was able to do that.

And I wanted freedom, but freedom didn't actually come properly for me until I took my foot off the brake pedal and I started allowing myself to just do the things that I want to do rather than holding myself back all the time. So we've got freedom. I think we think everyone else has got it together. Yeah, it would be great. Not second guess ourselves. I completely agree. Kylie, we do think like that, don't we? It will be relief. Felicia said.

Gareth's saying, genuinely think my business would fly. Yeah. Right. Mindset is the only thing in my way. Nothing else. I am so pleased that you're here then Gareth. I'm so pleased that you're here. So as I said, it is a human condition. We all do this from time to time because our subconscious brain's primary objective is to keep us safe. Now, safe doesn't mean excited. Abundant, you know, rich, successful, accomplished, all the good stuff. It doesn't mean all of that. It just means alive.

Safe just means alive. So our subconscious brain's primary objective is to keep us alive. And the way that it does this is by using our programming from What are conditioning from all of our experiences and it sends us tailor made messages and the tailor made because it's our brain, right? It knows us. It knows what's going to help work. It sends us tailor made messages and tailor made tricks and techniques. It throws everything at it to keep us going. Back in our comfort zone.

Now, I prefer to, instead of saying comfort zone, because I think the problem with the word comfort zone is the word comfort. Yeah? We assume that comfort zone is comfortable. In actual fact, comfort zone isn't comfortable. It's just okay. Let me know in the chat if you can relate. When you're working in your comfort zone, you're just okay and nothing great happens from just being okay. We don't take amazing action from being okay.

We just bumble along and we do enough because we think I'm okay right now. I'm doing all right. Let me know in the chat if, if you can relate. So when we start to stretch our comfort zone, when we start to stretch that and because we're all business owners, we're here for a reason. We're here because we want to give our gifts to the world. When we start to stretch that and do exciting things and we start to bump up to the side of our comfort zone, our brain has a mini meltdown.

It literally goes, no, the alarm bells go off. We don't want that. No, no, no, no. I don't know that I can keep you safe out there. I don't know when you do this. this wedding's there, or when you start being more visible on, on the, the, Social media or when you start putting yourself out there that I can keep you safe. So we're not doing that. So instead we'll, I'll send you some messages like, oh, you're not good enough. Oh, you're gonna fail. Nobody's buying right now.

Oh, you put your prices up. That's it. And before you know it, what do we all do? We come back to the safety of our comfort zone or our familiar. Now, I prefer to use the word familiar because that's all it is. It's not comfortable, it's just familiar. It's just okay. So, this is what's happening all the time. And every time we get a new idea, every time we think, Oh, I'm going to do that, our brain goes, Ha, ha, ha, no, no, no, no. What are you doing? Come back, come back.

But just because our brain does this, and it's always going to do this, It's always going to do this, doesn't mean to say that we have to let it, doesn't mean to say that we have to listen, doesn't mean to say that it stops us from doing what we want. Because if we, if we didn't, there'd be no growth, you know, nobody would ever do anything, but we can't take that part of our brain away. We can't actually stop that from happening.

I can't literally reach in there and stop it because that's how we're designed. It doesn't stop us from, it shouldn't stop us from doing what we're doing. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Is that okay? So let's look at some of these super common blocks. Now I come up against I see blocks all the time with the people that I work with. So we're gonna, I'm gonna go through some of the most common ones.

And if you've got something like a question or another block that you're thinking about, they, Oh, I always do this. Then by all means, ask me, because one of the benefits of being here live is that you can literally pick my brains. We can do this together. And. We can start to get some, some real benefits for you because you're here, right? So the first block that I'm going to talk about is hiding or playing small or not being visible. Give me a yes in the chat.

If you know exactly what I'm talking about, because this is one of your blocks. So hiding, playing small or not being visible. Give me a yes in the chat. What do you think? This was a big thing for me when I first started. We've got yes. We've got yes, yes, yes, all down. We've got yes. So I'd love to know how, how do you do this? How are you playing small? How are you hiding? What is it that you do?

And it might be, we might start seeing similar things popping up, or it might be different for each of you. So let me know how it is for you. What is it that you do? For me, back, back, way back when I first started, and, and it often pops up from time to time now, is my inner critical pop up, or I'll just not, I might not post as much. I might not, I might have been inconsistent with being on social media, or postponing things to do. Yeah, good one, Alicia.

Any others, anything else that pops up for you? How are you playing small right now? How are you hiding? Not very good at marketing, so don't do it often or well. Yeah, so you might not share things about your business. You should be out selling, but you don't, yeah, resisting selling is a big one. Resisting selling, avoiding face to face video or FaceTime for videos when I know I need to do more.

And often, this is the thing, what Kyla's just hit on, right, is that we know that we need to do it. We know the benefits, we know that it works, but yet we're stopping. Am I right? We all know the benefits, but we're stopping. And we tell ourselves some things like, I don't want to annoy people. Anyone said that? Or thought that? We don't want to annoy people. I don't want to be spamming people. Everybody should know what I do. Or they'll come to me, they already know what I do.

Or I've posted once, and it might be once at the beginning of the week or once a while ago. So they should know. You might worry about what other people think. Anyone worry about what other people think? You might even worry about being challenged, especially if imposter syndrome bubbles up for you from time to time. Very rarely share personal stuff. Yeah, especially with follow up emails. So give me some more information, Rachel, do you mind?

So what so when you need to follow up with an email, do you struggle with that? Is that what you mean? Avoid videos would mean it. Videos are a big thing, right? So often we do that. We can avoid videos because that's literally putting ourselves out there. Often we can feel as though we can hide behind words or a nice image or something, but.

When we're in a video like I'm now, you're literally seeing me, you know, I'm there front and center in front of you so it can feel quite vulnerable and exposing. So I want to tell you a story and please while I'm talking just feel free to just put anything that pops into your head or anything that that you notice that you do because then I can really pick on that and and pick it and help you with some practical solutions.

So, I remember years ago, I was doing a a webinar and it was long before guest expert sessions or we didn't have StreamYard or I don't know if we even had Facebook groups back then. So, webinars were quite clunky and you shared your, your slides. And I don't even think that people could chat so much now. So anyway, it's showing my age now. But I was doing a webinar and in this particular webinar, there was over a hundred people registered and had not had over a hundred people.

before on that kind of technology. And all of a sudden I started feeling really, really nervous. And I thought, Oh my God, you know, I've got a hundred people. What am I going to do? What if they don't like me? What if I'm rubbish? What if I don't do a good job? And I started to panic a little bit. And this was before the actual session. And I did the thing that only parents will understand. And so I went and started knocked on the door of my teenage daughter's bedroom.

Now, my daughter's 26 now, but she was, oh, probably about, I don't know, 14 or 15, something like that. And she was sat on the bed coloring in, like something on the pencil case or notebook or something, and I sat down on the bed. I says, you need to help me out. I says, I'm doing a, a webinar and I'm speaking in front of all of these people and I dunno what to do. I'm really, really nervous about it. And without, without missing a beat.

Without missing a beat, my daughter didn't even look up and she said, you're not Madonna, get over yourself. Now in that moment, although I had a teenage slap down, it really did me good because I understood exactly what she meant. Because those people Weren't actually coming to see me. You've not actually come to see me. You, today, you've come because of the topic that we're talking about. It could be anybody sat here talking about this topic and you'd have just turned up the same.

So you're coming to, to listen to the topic. And so were those people. It was never about me. And often we put ourselves into the picture. We put, we make it all about us. When actually, it's all about service.

And this Totally changed everything about being visible for me because it was always about service when I started thinking about how I could serve the people that were showing up, how I could serve my audience, how I could serve just some random person that was scrolling on Facebook or social media. Everything clicked into place. Because it was never ever about me. It was all about how I could help somebody else. And give me a a yes in the chat if this has ever happened to you.

Whether you, when you've been scrolling through social media just randomly, you know, as we do, waiting for the kettle to boil kind of scrolling. And then all of a sudden you stop and you read something where that's, you know, An image or a post or whatever, and it just hits you, yeah, and you think, Oh wow, I needed that today. I really needed that today. And I've lost count of the number of times that people have messaged me that I didn't even know that said, thanks so much.

I needed your message today. So we need to be. Playing bigger for the people that need us, and it doesn't matter what our business is because somebody somewhere needs to hear from you. We started our business to serve the people, so if somebody somewhere is looking for your services, someone somewhere is looking for amazing artist ice cream, which again sells. delicious.

Someone somewhere is looking for that perfect wedding photographer that just thinks that only you can, you know, somebody somewhere is looking for your services. And when we make, when we're visible, we make it easy for that person. And this is literally what we're here to do. And we'll take everything else out of the equation, our prices or, you know, money or anything else. It's just about service. And things then start to really shift when we take ourselves out of the picture.

So, and another thing is it makes it easier for that other person. Not long ago, I think it was probably about three weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine and they desperately needed a pet sitter, not just a dog sitter, but a pet sitter to come into their home and look after their animals whilst they were away for a quite a long time. And they couldn't find one anywhere.

And then all of a sudden, you know After they've got it organized or they've made other arrangements, somebody was talking and said, you know, I do that. And they went, what do you mean you do that? And they knew each other. And she went, yeah, I thought, I thought you knew. She went, why do you not, why do you not post it or share it? And she went, oh, most people just know that I do it. And this was a really good gig that this person missed out on.

And they just assumed that people knew and that they were struggling with being visible. But yeah. People didn't know. We assume that people already know and this is a way to help everybody. So give me a yes in the chats or just give me a little bit of insight in the chat if you can relate, if you make it about yourself. And I did, I did, yeah, I made it about me. What if people don't like me? What do other people think? Rachel's saying, had an inquiry, I reply and then don't want them.

Don't hear from them. So tell myself I don't want to annoy people so avoid emailing again. Just on that Rachel I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it when people follow up with me because I forget I'm terrible at emails and I forget and I love it when people go. Oh, do you remember I sent you that email or have you thought about that? And I'm like, oh wow. Yes, I have thought about and yes, I still want it.

So please please There's a great saying I think it says the the fortunes in the follow up You So just don't be afraid of following up. Kylie, I think we don't like to see our voices or faces. So we're used to seeing others. We're all so critical. We're so hard on ourselves, aren't we? Kelly, as a consumer, I hate being bombarded with emails. This puts me off following up too much. Again, the follow up. We can always delete it. We can always delete it.

Alyssia, I always go to my daughter to ask her point of view. Yeah, it's not just me then, Alyssia. I'm so pleased. It's all about buffering. Yeah, you see posts like that, Rebecca. So this is the thing, then. Take ourselves out of the equation and I want you to start spotting your blocks in action. So after today, what I'd love to invite you to do is just dial up your self awareness that you start spotting your blocks. So when you feel, and we can feel it, right? Because where do you feel it?

When you're holding yourself back, because for me, I'm like pressing my stomach now. For me, it's in my stomach. I have clients that feel it in their chest. So where do you feel it in your body when you know that you're holding yourself back or when you know that you're playing small? Just let me know again in the chat because I want you to really be aware of that because once we start to dial up our awareness and we start to spot the blocks in action, we can do something about it.

We can make another choice. Now I run a a group called Smasher Unseen and Collected, and in there we have a rule. One, that we don't judge ourselves when a block comes up, and two, we spot the block like we're spotting a squirrel in the park. So when the block comes up, we don't go, Oh, God, I'm so stupid. Why can I not get past this? And this is ridiculous. And we don't do any of that. We literally go, Oh, okay, there's a block. Fair enough.

Just like you would if you saw a squirrel in the park. You'd go, oh there's a squirrel. So we spot the block and go, okay, so now we make another choice. So we make another choice. We, instead of always taking the same choice of going, no, I'm not going to do it, or I'm going to second guess, we're now able to go, okay, what do we want to do? What do we really, really want to do in the situation? And then we're able to make that choice without all the noise going on in our head.

So we've got chest we've got tummy. So same as me, Alicia's saying tummy as well. And we've got, yes, and it's suddenly liberating to remember. It's about how I can serve my clients and potential clients. And yes, it's all about service. When we start thinking about service, it's no longer about us. It's how can we help other people? Because imagine if we went to the, we were hungry and we needed some bread and milk, which I was doing last night, remember just five minutes before the shop shuts.

Needed some bread and milk, and you go to your local shop, or your local supermarket, and you know that they've got what you want, but they're not giving it to you. Oh, no, no. We're not visible today. No, I don't. I don't. I'm a bit nervous about selling today or, oh no, it's we, we, we marketed last week. So we were selling last week. What would we be like? We'd be like, hang on. I want it. I'm literally here. I want to give you some money. What? We wouldn't stand for it. Would we?

And this is what we're often doing with our clients. Without us even realizing it, we're going, Oh no, we're holding it. We've got the solution for people. This is what people are wanting, but yet we're holding it. So how can you actually start serving? How can we focus on service and switch it from it being about us to being about service? Okay. Block number one. Block number two then is Give me a yes in the chat if you know that you make excuses for instead of doing stuff.

So some excuses might be, I haven't got time, or it might be no one's buying right now, or it might be, I've got a hundred percent, a thousand percent for Kylie. Ooh, I make excuses to myself all the time. Mm hmm. Yeah, we all do. Right. We make excuses. What's your excuse? Put that in the chat. What is your favorite excuse that you make? Because the thing about excuses that make them so incredibly sneaky is that we believe them. They feel like absolute reasons, don't they?

They feel like reasons. When my kids were little, my favorite excuse was, I'll do it when the kids are big kids are older. I'll do it when the kids are older. I'd get opportunities. I'll do it when the kids are older. It felt like a reason. It felt like an actual Honest to God reason, but it was just a lie. I was lying to myself because. My kids didn't care if I was doing something different. They were only tiny as long as they were looked after.

They weren't bothered about what I was doing in my business. So I was, I was just using it to protect myself. I was using it to keep myself in my familiar, in my comfort zone. So we've got too many things to do. Haven't got everything ready or enough stock or card machine or whatever. Yeah. So let's play a game, right? Let's play a game. I'm going to show you How to tell if it's an excuse or an actual real reason. Harul is fear of judgment. Yeah, I know there is no one judging me.

Yeah, we're the ones judging, right? We're the ones judging. So, I want you to think of something that you could do, or you want to do, that will benefit your business. But you're making an excuse why you're not doing it. You've got an excuse why you don't do it. So everybody got something lian excuse why you're not doing a one type one in the chat that I know that you're there with me. So this is something that you want to do in your business.

Maybe you've been putting off, maybe it's a comfort zone stretch, you know, it'll benefit your business or you just want to do it. And you're not doing it because of an excuse. Got some ones popping up now. Yes, ones, ones. Okay, now imagine that right now all the ones, okay. I'm going to play along with you. Imagine that right now I'm going to send by pigeon a briefcase with a million pounds in it. But only if you did the thing that you've got an excuse for.

You did the thing that you're thinking of. Give me a two in the chat if you would absolutely do it. I'm going to send you a million pounds right now if you do the thing. Would you do it? What do you think? Two's, two's. Yeah, right, of course we would. Of course we would. So what has that told us? It's told us that one, our excuse is just tosh, right? It's just an excuse. It's just an excuse. I could say I'd probably do it for a hundred. Ah, that's good. I'll bring it over to you now, right?

It's, our excuse is just tosh. Because, All of a sudden we've found the time. All of a sudden, and I can't remember the name of the person, sorry. Oh, Kylie. All of a sudden Kylie's got enough stock and she's got a card machine and everything ready that she needs. All of a sudden, we've got all of our ducks in a row. We would make it happen. Yeah, put a yes in the chat if you would make it happen. You would, by going through hell or high water, you would make that thing happen. Yes, right.

Yes. Yes. And that tells me that we can absolutely do it, but we're looking at the wrong thing. So imagine if you think of your, of a bridge. Remember the, the fairy tale Billy Goat's Gruff, where the, the ghosts were going over the bridge to the green grass at the other side? I kind of imagine this now. So where you are is a bridge.

At one side of the bridge and the task that you're putting off is the actual bridge and we start to think, okay, it's going to be too much, it's too hard, it's too overwhelming. I don't know what to do. It's going to be, you know, I've never done it before. What if it don't work? What if it's awful? What if, what if, what if, and all the negative what ifs.

But in the moment, in one second, when I said, I'm going to send you a million pounds, we shifted our focus to the other side of the bridge, to the other side of the bridge. And now we're thinking of the million pounds and we don't care about our bridge. That bridge is like gone to as well on a mission, right? We are going to cross that bridge no matter what, where over the other side of the bridge, we're getting nothing.

Yeah. So I want you to write down what is the benefit To you or the others or your business for doing the thing that you've been, that you've just been thinking about, that you're putting off. What is the benefit to doing that? What do you get? You might not get a million pounds, maybe you will, who knows? But you might not get a million pounds from me through a briefcase, but you're going to get something. What will you get as a result of doing that thing?

So you were thinking of stick that in the chat for me. What will you get? What is the benefit? So for me, it was always like, you'd get more clients or I'd raise my audience, improve, increase my audience. Or am I, am I just the thing might be. I might not be afraid anymore. I now know how to do it. I've stretched myself. I've grown. Yeah. And that's what kind of saying prove to yourself that you can, you've got satisfaction, you know, more.

Yeah. And you've got more Joe saying more of the type of business that I want. Amazing. And this is the thing. This is what we need to shift our focus because so often we're focusing on the wrong things. Because when our brain is trying to pull you into the familiar, it's pulling us by telling us all the stuff about the thing that we want to do or that we're avoiding doing. We have to pause, spot the block and think, okay, what is the benefit? Why do I want to do this? What's in it for me?

What's in it for other people? What's in it for my business? Why is this a thing that's on my list anyway? We've got, yes, more of the clients that want what we want. And that's amazing. We've got more clients. We've proved to ourselves that we can do it. We've grown. We've stretched that comfort zone. We've got more experience. All of the good stuff, right, is on the other side of that bridge.

So instead of focusing on the actual task, if you ever find yourself, avoiding something or resisting it or coming up with an excuse, play that million pound drop game and think, right, okay, what is it? If I got a million pounds for this, or if I got one new client for this, Would I do it? If I did it, if I did it just because I actually want to do it and I want the joy of ticking something off my list, would I do it? Yeah. Then the excuse is gone, right? The excuse is gone.

So is there something on your list now that you think, Oh, I'm going to go and do that. I'm going to make it happen. Give me a yes in the chat if that's you. And we are going to go on to block number three, which is getting busy on the small stuff. Anyone relate? Where we get busy every single day on the small stuff, all the things that are not going to move the needle for us, we are busy doing. Let me know what number shall we have? Shall we, let's have a number five. We've not had that.

Number five, who gets busy on the small stuff? Now I can completely relate. I have been there with bells on. I know exactly what that feels like. And I see so many of my clients doing that too. And what sometimes at the end of the day, we go, Crikey, I've been so busy today. And then you don't know. what you've achieved, or you don't see any progress. You don't actually see any momentum. And this, this is where frustration lives, right? Because busy doesn't equal productive.

So we need to start being really discerning about the stuff that we're doing so that we're only doing stuff that moves the needle. And yes, there's always going to be little bits and pieces. That has to be done that it's like that. It's like that with every business in every job, right?

It's always going to be stuff that needs to be done But we need to be spending most of our time if we look at the 80 20 ratio We need to spend an 80 percent of our time working on the stuff that's actually going to be moving the needle for us Okay, so we've got Kelly. Yes, the small stuff always takes up too much time. And there's no such thing as a five minute job.

Yeah. So these are things that like updating your website for the up to the time or writing an email for the up to the time or, you know, just Messing about with things that nobody really sees or it doesn't actually won't actually make any kind of change to, to your results just because, and often just because we want to cross that off our list and we want that dopamine rush of just crossing things off our list. Yeah. Rachel saying social media and blog posts may take so long, take so long.

And the thing is that that's actually quite beneficial though, isn't it? Because somebody is helping with your marketing and it's helping with your visibility. Maybe It's about batching then. So who batches, who batches things like social media and blog posts and just your, your, your visibility because batching is so, so good where you just focus all your time, a block of time on one thing. Because again, one thing that we can often do is flip from one type of task to another.

So we might do a social media post over here and then we'll do we might prepare for a fair over here, or we might do some emails over here. And so in our day, we're switching hats all the time. So have a go, if you haven't as yet, have a go at just batching some, a block of time, maybe a morning or, you know, a couple of hours where you just literally go, this is just social media, or this is just, I've just got blog posts on my, On my radar today.

And then you're in that mode already kind of saying you plan about a week or two. It's ahead for Facebook and Instagram. Amazing. And if you can schedule it as well. So much the better. Again, that depends on you and what you prefer to do in your business. But they look at ways that you can actually take off to tick off rather some big stuff in a block of time. So the other thing, right.

is when it comes to getting busy on the small stuff is do you have anything on your to do list that you've been avoiding? Anything on your to do list that kind of goes from one day, to the next day, to the next day, to the next day, and it always kind of gets shoved on to the next day. Oh, I'll do that tomorrow, I didn't get time today. I'll do that tomorrow and I didn't get time today. Anyone do that?

Cause these are what I call like broken record tasks where they always just get moved from one day to the next. And these are the tasks that often really make a difference, but there might be a comfort zone stretch. They might take a little bit of extra time, but they make, they've got weight attached to them that if you really focused on them all of a sudden, you know, mountains would move. Yeah. Yeah. They can say, I'm always moving tasks. I'm a bit scared of doing. Yeah, exactly.

So after today, if you've got your notebook right down, Look at your to do list, and I want you to circle the things that would actually move the needle for you. That if you did it, it might be a little bit scary, it might be a little bit more time consuming, but if you did it, you would be having a dance party right round your kitchen tonight. You'd feel amazing. And it might even take you a couple of days to do it. But man, would it make a difference to your business and to you?

So if that's, if you've got something like that, stick it on you to do this and literally glue yourself to the chair, make that commitment for this week. So if you want to get some accountability with your, your friends in the group, then stick it in these groups, right in the chat now and say, I'm going to commit to start in this. I'm committing to starting this today because I know it will really make a difference for me.

Kylie's saying, I still haven't started my Pinterest course and I know it's so important. Don't know why I haven't. Yes, today's the day, right Kylie? Today's the day. Sit down, nice cup of tea and get started. Okay, block number four is Starting again. Who has done this? And I don't mean starting your business again. I mean starting a particular project again, or you have an idea and you get to a point where you're about to do it and you go, Oh no, it's not good enough. It's not good enough.

I'm going to go back to the drawing board. Who has done that? Okay. No judgment. We're just spotting the block. Spotting the block. Anyone does that, do that. And again, I have absolutely been there, where you get to the point where you're just about to post it, maybe you're just about to send the email, or you're just about to send your newsletter out, we're just about to put the put your blog post out into the world, and you go, oh, I don't know. I'm gonna just have another go at that.

Just have another go at that and see what happens. And this is again, is such a common block because we end up stuck in the loop and we again, we're not getting the momentum that we want. Rachel's saying, I do this with Reels on social. Brilliant. So we've spotted it. It's now time to just embrace it. Embrace inspired in perfect action. This is literally my mantra, inspired in perfect action, because we don't want to get caught up in perfection.

There's nothing in the world that's perfect, certainly none of us are perfect. And so, and right, just on that, we're not actually perfect. Attracted to perfect people. We love people that are rough around the edges, that have got something to say that we can relate to, yeah? That are just normal, everyday people like us.

If you think of the movie stars that we probably love the most, they're the people that you think, actually I could go out for a beer with them, or actually I could sit and have a coffee and a cake with them, and I'd feel okay. Right. We want to feel like we can relate to people. We want it. So we were attracted to things that are a little bit rough around the edges. And when we let go of perfection, again, that accelerates everything. Becca saying this is one block I identified a while ago.

So now I always tell people I'm announcing something so that it forces me to go ahead. Amazing. Get some accountability. Post it on social, tell people and say, I'm doing this by this day. And if I haven't, you can, you know, hold me accountable to that, which is why groups like this are just amazing. The fact that you're all together and that you're all in the same industry means that you can start to use each other for some accountability and do, do that. At Joe, you're saying not anymore.

For years I've always gone for a hundred percent. Now I realized that 95 percent is good enough. Absolutely. The final 5 percent takes more time than the 95%. So true. So, so true. So as we've been talking, what other blocks have been coming up for you? Because I'm noticing time and I want to talk about how to actually sidestep it once we get, once we've noticed them, because actually spotting the block is the hardest bit because they become part of our everyday life.

And if we're not careful, we can stand behind them and go, Oh, that's just me. Oh, I'm always. Putting things off for tomorrow. Oh, I'm always, I'm always too busy or I'm always doing this. We can start to make it part of our personality and in actual fact, we don't need to do that. They're just blocks. They're just bad habits and I call these out of date habits. So if you saw this, if this habit were a piece of food and it was in your fridge, you'd be slinging it, right?

You'd be putting it in the bin and replacing it with something that was much more interesting, which serves you a lot more. So all the blocks that we've talked about today, I'd love you to just, if you've not already done that, scribble them down. Cause these are the most common blocks that I see popping up with business owners, but scribble them down and think, okay, have I got this? How I got this? How do I do this? How do I do this?

And really dial up that self awareness so we can start to spot it in action. And if there's another block that's popping up, popping up for you. Stick it in the chat and let's, let's just talk about it. Rachel, yes, Becca really helped me with putting my prices up and said, just put it online and do it, do it. So number one is getting the habit of spotting your blocks and visualizing what it is that you want rather than what you don't want. So really start to spot your blocks in action.

So as they're popping up throughout the day, Maybe you're starting to do something and your inner critic pops up. Just on that, who's got an inner critic in here? Just give me a yes. If your inner critic has a blooming loud voice, like they have got a mic, they've got a loud speaker and they're always telling you, no, no, you can't do that. What do you think you're doing? Okay. Start spotting these blocks popping up and we don't judge ourselves. We just spot our blocks.

The thing is about our inner critic. Is there again, just another thought. It's just a thought, and just because we're thinking it doesn't mean to say it's true. Because, I don't know about you, but I think a lot of things that are just rubbish, yeah? Just random thoughts just popping in and out of my head all through the day. They're just thoughts, it doesn't mean to say anything. And our inner critic is a thought.

One thing that really helps with your inner critic is to name your inner critic because what that does it provides you with some distance. It's no longer, we no longer confuse it with our thoughts, with our internal voice. It's just another thought that some, you know, whoever your inner critic is. It says, mine's margarine, so whenever like she pops up and says, Oh, you can't do that. And what will happen if this happens? You just go, Oh, enough. I'm just going to do it anyway.

Just going to do it anyway. I'm going to crack on and do it anyway. Because if that happened in real life, you just got, you wouldn't listen. If somebody just popped up and said, Oh, you can't plant your tree there, or you can't park your car there. And it's your drive. You just do it anyway. Yeah. You just didn't know. I'm just going to do what I want. So have a go at naming your inner critic, but number one, get in the habit of spotting your block. Spot your block. Start today.

Just spot your block. Number two, do something when you get that block or your dip, or you can feel it, whether it's your stomach or your chest, do something. to make yourself feel good. So you might have put some music on, you might start just stretch and change your, your, your the way that you sat or just have a bit of a walk around the room and just just change your state a little bit. And then number three is act fast.

Act fast, don't give your thoughts or your feelings or your block time to actually raise their head. Just act faster. So as Becca said earlier, put it on social and say, this is coming soon. Put it in the Facebook group and say, I'm doing this, put your prices up fast, contact that email, contact that customer, send that follow up email fast, press send and then go. I remember when I started sending blog posts and new weekly newsletters out.

Oh, it was probably back in 2010 or 11 or something, and that was all the rage. It was only the only way that we could ever, we could really communicate. We didn't have, like, online stuff as much back then. And so, I used to just stress over pressing the button, pressing the button. And then after a while, I realized that the faster you do it, the quicker it's done. So I'd literally, Go up, press the button, slam my laptop shut and walk out the room.

And now you do it without even thinking about it. So if there's something that you're feeling a little bit nervous about, like applying to that wedding fair, going to that thing, then press the button, do the thing. And you walk away, done. No problem, Alyssia. I hope you have a lovely swim in lesson. So act fast. And number five, always, always do the task that's going to move the needle for you most.

So the first thing you do during the morning, look at your to do list and go, right, what's going to move the needle most for my business today? If I do nothing else in my business, because things are always popping up from left field, what is actually going to make the most difference today and do that first. And then you can start getting momentum.