Welcome to We talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.
We're just two unapologetically black women talk back.
What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to you dreamers and chasers. This is your co host, AJ Holliday. What's up, Tam Bam?
Hey, y'allays, Meet Tam Bam. I love y'all. I love you too. Aj. How you doing, Hey, girl?
I love your bag.
Let me tell you something.
A bit said that she know our voices apart because you sound articulate and I sound slow, like I be dragging my words and I just want.
To say something, bitch, I am not slow.
Sometimes my words may slur or you know, drag together one because I'm country in two because I haven't missed or I don't even I don't like saying I have it.
There's some mss lingering around somewhere. So that's why, girl, I ain't slow ship.
And there somewhere some ship in there, some motherfucking ship somewhere.
Yeah, that's what it stand for, some motherfucking ship.
And you know the reason why I have to really sound like try to sound super articulate on that ship, and one day I'm gonna do a whole geee motherfucking episode, but I want to make sure that people are hear me and understand me, So I intentionally try to articulate as good as possible for y'all motherfuckers. And when I don't, like, say ship like hoiter, Okay, this bitch horse correct me.
A hoiter.
It's not no tea in that ship. I'm not adding a tea. I'm adding a d hoiter.
It's a it's an extra letter somewhere in there.
I remember when one of my homegirls was like, why you be saying again? And I'm like, huh what you mean? Like she was like, Okay, if I invite you someplace, you would hit me up and be like I ain't coming again.
Like y'all don't say again, not at the end of that sentence.
Okay, because in our minds, and I'm not gonna say mine, right, I was going to come, but now I'm not coming again. I've changed my mind. It makes sense to us. Mm again, it's like, bitch, yeah, what you had going on.
My weekend was I ended up going to Dreamville Fest out of nowhere. One of my one of my homies for Innerscope was like, where are you at?
Pull up?
So you know, I gassed up the Jetta. I ain't got no Jeda, but I gased up the Jetta and shout out to Dreamville fest. It was so much fun. I took my little sister with me and that was her first festival. We had a time, girl. It was so many people. There's a lot of walking. It was a little chili. So the festival looks wasn't looking. Everybody kind of had on like hoodies and leggings, just trying to stay warm out.
Though it was cold.
It wasn't cold, but it wasn't warm, so so it was like somewhere in the middle, like j Cole got up there. Oh we're gonna talk about that. We'll talk about that in stupid internet news. But yeah, that's really all I did this weekend.
What about you?
My niece and her friends went to Dreamville. They had been planning for a month's child, so they did the two day thing. I've never been and maybe I'll go on you. I don't really like those big group things like concerts and shit like that. There's too much, too much shit going on too much energy is just too much.
It's like if I didn't have VIP access, I wouldn't like that.
That's I was about to say, like backstage VIP, yes, I'm there, But other than that, being in jim pop absolutely not.
I mean, so I moved around gimpop a little bit because you know, that's where all the people are for the most part.
But yeah, having to stay with random people, I'll get off. Little was said.
I just got here. I just got here. So in Charleston this weekend was our annual bridge run, the Cooper River Bridge Run, so millions of people coming to the city jown. Y'all know. The Africans always win the race. The fastest was twenty three minutes. It was Kenyan, and then another was was he Ethiopia. I can't remember how long it was, thou, Well, it's the five it's five miles.
Okay, five K was that that? No? Five K is three miles, ain't it?
Girl?
Listen, don't get me the line because I did the bridge run one time when I was in my most fittest form. That was in high school, my last year of high school. Actually, no, I think it was my freshman year of college. I did do the bridge run, and I ran most of it too.
You participated this term.
No, I participated in the after part. My cousin ran it. She's well, I only know a couple of people who actually did it this year. I'm pretty sure more people did it than I asked. But yeah, it was what is it celebration of? It's just for like nonprofit, you know, like, what is the word I'm looking for?
There's a charity run charity there you go.
You know what.
It's been going on since the eighties. It's different organizations every time. Yeah, Like my cousin she ran, and it depends on what package you buy. She's a veteran, so she ran for home as veterans. So it's just different, different proceeds, different.
Okay, that's dope. Yeah, man.
So the fucking city was flooded. It's already always flooded all of a sudden, but it was nice. It was nice this weekend downtown Charleston. If y'all never been to Charleston, come, yeah, day them because we oh just come.
Don't nobody want to stay? They just come and visit.
Well, I guess our audience because I would I would like to think majority of our audience are probably brown people, but any beige people do not stay when y'all fucking comes, they gonna want to stay right this for them for y'all. Yeah, that was my weekend. I just just him hanging out. That's about it. And now my social media has to.
Rejuvenate your social media meter. Yeah, I know that feeling. All right, let's get into the scenes of the week. Let's go cock whoa.
South Carolina defeated Iowa eighty seven and seventy five to win the National Championship and complete a perfect season.
Go ahead, Don State period.
They didn't lose a game, not a single game, and they gonna act like this Black women ain't amazing. Don Staley. Okay, I think she's from Philly, right.
I wonder if she can't of Douce Staley.
Oh no, who's that?
Never mind, let's keep going. No tell me football player.
He was like a long time retired now but big time football player out of South Carolina.
But she's from Philly. I think though she's not well, that doesn't mean she doesn't have family from down here.
But yeah, so you saw how CNN posted Carolina one but had a picture of Kaitlyn Clark up there, like.
What is the what in the world? Why don't you have a picture of the winners?
And people are talking about her future in women's basketball. Can we talk about the present? Can we talk about what just happened? Can we talk about this predominantly predominant black team in South Carolina of all places, coach by a black woman. Can we get some props at some point, like they just be so blatant with the bullshit now it's disgusting, Like quit playing in our faces. Okay, because I feel like that was me. I feel like I was a coach and I won. Okay, I wrote for
all people black. I don't care who feel what way about what?
Yeah, listen, I felt like I was Tammy Cardoza Cardova with him.
I don't know how to pronounce it, but you couldn't tell me. I went.
I was going around Dream Go Cos every five minutes, and you know that shit right there by NC State, So I know it was a lot of I know, we just whooped the ass last Friday, so I know they were still kind of sore.
A lot of salt over there. Yep, go game Cocks.
When I got into Uber to go from the hotel to the concert.
I asked the uber driver. I was like, are you a game Cock fan? Because they just won. He's like no. I was like, zero stars, zero stars for you, sir.
You're not recommend.
Goodness.
So at the Dreamville fanst j Cole got his ass up there and was like, I need to tell y'all some shit I ain't told nobody else. I ain't slept for two days behind this shit. It don't feel good with my soul. I shouldn't have that was laying me to let people influence me. And he's like, my phone was blowing up. I had thousand mis calls, a thousand texts like what you're gonna do? And I allow that to influence me to do something that just don't sit
right with my spirit. And I know I called the album might delete later because I'm really about to delete this shit from the album. So if you don't know, Ja Cole made a dish to Kendrick Lamar's seven minute Drill, which I thought was lyrically good. I like the first half better than the second. I feel like people from up North like the second half better than the first. But here's the thing. My thing is why are people, cause you can be fans of both. You don't have
to pick a side, you know you can be. I love both of these people. I love Kendrick Lamar and J Cole, and I feel like everybody wants you to to pick a side, and that's the problem. I don't have a side. I don't have a dog in a fight. I just wanted to hear more lyrical sparring from the two. So I still hope J Cole come back with a disc so there could be some more lyrical spar at least between drink and.
So you admit that this wasn't a disc. It wasn't a diss at all. Wasn't a dis You said you wish that he would come back with a disc. So was his dis track an actual dis or not?
Who oh shit? Who you talking about, Kendrid? Just now you said you wish that Kendrick comes back with it.
No, you said J Cole, Right.
No, Kendred. I'm hoping that he still responds. He probably not gonna respond with a disc after that, you know, or not toward J Cole, But I want him to because I enjoyed the lyrical sparn.
Okay, first of all, I love J Cole and I love Kendrick Lamar. I love Kendrick Lamar a little bit more because he's a Gemini right, and to me, he's lyrically better than J Cole. They both have their low sauce, but it's just like a little extra seasoning. When I'm listening to Kendrick Lamar, I can relate to him more what I saw, okay, because first person Shooter, he says the Big Three, but then he says he's Ali, right,
so basically he's the Ali of the Big Three. So you really stole down on the other two people that are supposedly in this big three lineup, which would be Kendrick Lamar, Drake and himself J Cole, which causes Kendrick Lamar to come off the bench. Gun is a blazing okay. And just like them white ladies that raised J Cole, see.
Don't make it a racist thing, girl, don't make it just.
Like the Karens that raised them. Niggas, y'all gonna y'all, y'all incite some bullshit and then you want to retreat and act like you're the bigger person. That's some bull shit. Nigga, where's the lyrics. What happened was he dropped that disc and realized that this in real time was not the shit. It was subpar, It was bare minimum.
Bullshit, and it was not.
Now how he feels like, damn, I shouldn't have done that, because it really wasn't that good of a dis in the first place. He has rap dis remorse. I don't know what I want to call it, but.
I don't think it It wasn't He didn't eather him.
It wasn't like.
How nas you tap Kendrick in and now you're retreating. You tap that man in.
But maybe he do feel bad in his spirit about it. Maybe he don't like.
He should because the fucking lyrics was.
I don't think it has to do with the lyrics. I think it just has to do with putting another black man down that he respects. I don't think it was meant to be a dis Drake didn't take it personal. Drake didn't write a verse against Ja Cole calling himself Ali. I think it was just him bigging himself up. And if you took that personal, maybe you need to look at what's internally going on with you instead of just bigging your own self up. You came to put down
other people. I don't see how that was a disc You can take it as.
Other things that be going on in the background with a lot of situations.
Yeah, speak of their background, real lass, beach giving fuck by the nigga, what's.
Going Oh, what's going on?
And these shit that be going on in the background that the public doesn't know about. And so now this thing that plays out in the public is all the people know. So this is what people are. I never choose sides. I always stay down in the middle, okay, to talk about the lyrics. So now I can see both sides with the Kendrick Lamar shit, and I can see both sides with the JT and Young Miami bullshit.
This week, Young Miami and JT got the squabbling over social media, JTN beefing with everybody with everybody right first, JT really refuting, and then after that it turned into JT and Kresha. I don't like how JT brought it to social media instead of calling that girl directly, like why are you sneak dissing your homegirl on social media?
Even if y'all not homegirls right now, once it goes to social media, we listen, I had one of my closest friends put some bullshit about me on social media and we just spoke for the first time for real last year. And that shit happened around twenty nineteen. Because don't ever in your life try to play me on social media and think we're gonna be friends again.
Ever, are you saying that JT initiated this beef with Young Miami.
I'm not saying she initiated a beef. I'm saying she started speaking on it on social media.
How when Young Miami put up you even thising me for weeks, that'suse.
She but she didn't at her, she didn't hit her, Okay.
So it was like, you don't say that, You've been saying little shit about me for weeks on social media. Now I'm gonna say something bad finally, because I know you're talking about me.
She had been arguing with Sexy not Sexy read Jesus Christ. She hadn't arguing with Gorilla Glow. In the following days, Young Miami actually name dropped her first name first in these tweets without a response from JT. So I'm reading it. I'm reading the timestamps and stuff. So the thing is is that even at like let's say, for instance, she didn't say Jatavia like she called her name in her tweets,
in her whole thing of tweets or whatever. If she didn't do that, if I know that you're talking about me, rather you're not saying my name right now in this moment or not saying what your whole chest. So if I didn't come and respond to what I know you're now saying about me publicly on Twitter, because that should have never started. Young Miami should have never went to
Twitter with the shit. So now if I spawning you knowing that you're talking about me, how is that me now bringing it to Twitter?
Well, I feel like it was JT that was making the subliminal messages.
First, No, it wasn't.
And that's why your Miami wasn't posting nothing. Young Miami wasn't talking about nothing on social media period.
She Young miami first tweet was a bitchman sneak this in me for weeks and I ain't say shit bitch mad at me for a while, right.
Right, So if she been sneaked this in her own social media for weeks.
But JT said she hadn't been, and even if you think your friend was sneaked thising you, why not address her heads up.
Call her she was doing that shit, Carr, I don't think so.
I don't believe so. I don't believe that they I don't I believe that they have not been good for a while. Now. We saw them on the Breakfast Club. Even there, I feel like JT was in a blind y'all Miami's attitude, Charlemagne asked Young Miami. No excuse me. Charlamagne asked JT, which is she's gonna if we're gonna see her on Karesha's TV show, and she was like, you know, I don't know. We both got a lot of going on.
D da da da.
He Young Miami came and straight said, no, we're not even looking over at JT. She's just just like, no, I don't think so. And you could clearly see JT get uncomfortable, like, damn, what the fuck? So they haven't been good for a while. I leave, and I mean, it just be shit going on in the background that people don't know. So then you also have the fans that I don't know why people call haters fans anyway,
because you're no fan of me. If you be hating on me via tweets and all that shit, you're not.
If they're still they are fans because they keep they're keeping up with you, so they.
Can hate on you.
You're a fan and maybe negative energy that you're sitting in my way, but you keeping up with Miami move just so you can have some shit to talk.
That you're a fan. But anyway, the fans probably helped ignite the bullshit between them. Now. Prior to JC beefing with Miami, she was also beefing with Gorilla Zo what the fuck not Gorillaz?
He like, see how you didn't.
Crilla?
Yo?
That's funny as fun okay, Glorilla. And the only thing I didn't like about that is how JT was saying how Gorilla Glorilla grew up living on a blow up mattress. That girl was very vulnerable talking on Club Shayshay, I am so happy for her after seeing an interview, I'm happy that and I feel like oftentimes it's usually the people who had the most struggle that we're growing up, yeah, because they they got that hustle, that grind right that
gets them to next level. But she was very vulnerable and she was smiling the whole time, talking about her childhood like shit, fuck that shit now right, I'm good it might be up tomorrow.
And then using it as AMMO against me because you know. And then the crazy part was if you listen to the song, she said, we ain't got no like we ain't friends, but it ain't no beef. So it was like she was really trying to clear the air. It wasn't like she was coming for JT. But JT wasn't having that.
Well maybe because JT ain't get her lick back, because Glorilla said, nah, I ain't slap you, but I did hit you with my pocketbook, so maybe JT ain't get her lick back. You know, you're about to fight somebody. And people started like breaking people up and holding people, grubbing me hold them.
But this is growing like, well, I guess they're still in their twenties, so they get a past thing in it.
They ain't even in their thirty shit. But JT said, girl, I'm gonna poke you like the air.
Matches, and I was like, are we all? Are we letting this slide? She's just talking about killing her like.
That shit. Funny as hell it's crazy to say, like, dude, somebody got died behind us. I want both of them now to go on a comedy tour because goddamn Glorilla funny as hell and JT got the fucking jokes. Okay, I feel like they got an hour worth of stand up comedy for you.
She's like, girl that's from stealing, not no fighting, ship post all your stealing mok shots Like you a gangster, You're just a terrible thief.
Big bitch, kept getting caught. She had to change your profession, right, quicks, and now she's a rapper. Funny times man, them kids. I hope everybody grows up next week, y'all. We just had the solar eclipse this week. And notice how Tam had to read all our editorial y'all.
This magical. I can do it that she came out here like I can't see today, and you.
Like I can see, but I can't see the computer or this my fingers in front of me.
If I wiggle them, I can't see them either.
Like right now, it's a big star on your forehead, bitch, real shiny on your forehead.
That's what the guy that's my orbitch. They'd be there every day. You're just seeing it right now.
Like maybe I can see things now because I cannot see these cell phones. I cannot see the computer screen like it's like blurred up. But everything else in real life I can see. I actually see more color it hears.
But everybody was so hyped for this eclipse, and I just went to sleep, like I took a nap. I was so tired. I was waiting on it. But I had went to Dreamville. I drove back last night after I did not even stay, which was so stupid. So I was so tired. I was sitting up and start getting a little dark. I was like, it's looking like naptime.
He got in the fucking group text how but that eclipsed was so girl by you asleep?
Yeah, I didn't hear no trumpet sound. That's what I was waiting.
On, not you, waiting for the goddamn I said everybody message like, hey, I just wish y'all to know I love y'all, just in case Jesus come back and he takes me y'all here.
And when I text you back.
So crazy shitbo to stop call listen. I'm magical. I've lived here several lifetimes and stop calling my house phone.
Your man is not in the NBA. I was like, what, this is the same God, That's what I was saying.
Listen, y'all. I sun gazed all the time. Yeah, the solar eclipse. The sun is a little bit more hot. I think it's beaming more. But I wasn't outside. I was laying undneath that window in the house looking up at the fucking sun. Not the whole entire time, but I definitely was laying on the floor like Meditaine for like two hours and shit, and periodically looking at the sun.
And today now I have blurred vision a little bit, just a little bit, but this isn't the first time this has happened, and I'll get some repairs shortly.
Crazy, But what would you talk about? Stop calling your house phone?
Do you hear a household your I was talking as if I'm God, I said, my child.
Yeah, you was.
Talking about, oh, like for my husband, Stop calling my household for my husband.
Get it out.
I am God responding to your prayers.
Yeah, you're saying, I pray for the main line, right, you know people Jesus on the line.
Yeah, I get it now, because I was like this bitch got a house phone.
That's weird.
Slow.
I just didn't think of you as God. I'm sorry, I didn't get I was in in alignment with that. Oh okay, but let's get into it, y'all. We're going to have a commercial break and we'll be right back where our main topic. Don't beat them kids. We'll be right back, all right, y'all. So over the weekend, AJ
sent me this clip of a woman. You couldn't see the mom, but the camera was pointed at her child's father's wife, and she was pretty much coming to check her because this woman, who else also helps to raise her kid verb I mean, physically reprimanded her for misbehaving. And the mom was livid about her putting her hands on her child. And she said, well, her father gave me permission. She was misbehaving, you know. And I beat her ass basically, and I'll do it again. That's that was her energy.
I don't say i'll beat her ass because we don't even know if it was an actual ass whipping. Well it was pop pop, we don't know.
You know what I mean, that's a little ass whooping little pop pop. So either way, the mom was upset and we had like different opinions about it. It was like, Okay, this is the topic, so what's your opinion?
AJ?
Okay, I am. I have been a step mom to a few kids, because these niggas be having kids now. While I am a big advocate for children, because I'll probably take anybody out of this world for fucking with a kid on my watch, right, I don't believe in corporal punishment for children. I do not believe in putting my hands on kids. That's for me, right, and that's for the kids that I've been around. Now. Some kids may need they ass whooping. I think teenagers in particular
do need to get their ass whoop. But like little people, I don't put my hands on little people because if your goal as an adult is to make a little person cry, there's a lot more that you can just tell them, hey, I'm disappointed in you, and they'll bust
out crying. So if that's the goal, I feel like once you put your hand on a child, you as the adult, has lost control, not the child, right, But in some instances, in real time, the kid may need to be reprimanded and whatever way that adult sees suitable.
Right.
And if this is this man's wife. He married her because he trusted her. Right. This woman is shown up to the door, not putting her face on camera. I don't think it was a skin or anything either. I feel like it was real. She came to that door
with a problem. And I can bet you one hundred percent she doesn't have a man of her own, because your husband was not letting you pull up at your ex husband's house to talk crazy to the wife and him like that if you had a man to course correct your ass at the house.
So it's a.
Little bit of bitter baby mama shit in the background.
You don't know that that's a speculator.
Girl, That is not a speculator. I have seen this before.
But you're assuming that there was nowhere in the video.
It wasn't in the video, but she called her a hoe or bitch or something like that, and she was like, like, why are you coming to the door calling your ex's wife out? They name like that.
There might be a backstory.
That girl was very calm with her initially, and then she got our rate and she matched her energy eventually, and then the husband came to the door, like what the fuck you're at the door arguing with and it was her and he was like, you know, I gave her permission, So she communicated with him what was going on because he is the other parent, right, and obviously you trust this man with your child because the child is still able to go over to this house. Right,
he obviously has good judgment and whatever with this woman. Right, he gave her permission to reprimand a child. What's your beef because he's also a parent. He's also the kid's parent too.
My beef is, don't nobody put their motherfucking hands on my baby. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck who you marry. I don't give fuck who she thinks she is. Do not put your hands on my child. You tell me you can take her phone away, you can take her toys away, you can punish her and ground her, have her sit in a corner, do all the things, but do not physically reprimand my kid.
If you like, I want my child to respect you in your home, absolutely call me and I will knock her head through the door to the between the wash and the dryer.
But don't you do it. Don't you ever do it.
And listen, I've had I've been in relationships where we had the kids like at least for the summertime, and then it also it went into the school year, and I never once thought of ever yeah, and they would misbehave. I never thought of once ever putting my hands on those kids, cause what are they really doing that bad that I needed to physically physically reprimand them. I just
didn't see the point for me to do that. Like I'd be like, listen, if you don't start behaving, I'm gonna tell your dad, I'm gonna tell your dad what you're.
Doing, and he can do it.
But the idea of me putting my hands on on any child, I'm really not a big person on beating kids, you know, because that's just I don't know.
I'm just not a huge or not.
So if you are the mom, right and you beat your child, right, I feel like nobody should put their hands on a kid, right.
I'm not like a huge beater parent. Yeah, I'm not a huge beater. But if it's gonna happen, it's gonna be me. It's not gonna be no step mama, no stepdaddy, no step nothing, because I'm a step my foot in your ass, and that should have been and that should have been communicated before prior, like there should have been a conversation about it, because now I'm coming, Yeah, I'm coming swinging if I found out that you put your hands on my kids.
But based on her tone, I don't think she's a woman that you can reason with. I don't think that's someone that he could have.
She might have just been upset.
You know, you never know how you when you like, when you have this, this your baby, and you find out that somebody physically put their hands on them. She might have just been mad about her child, you know, like who thought she had the right to do that?
Who gave her? I don't give a fuck what he said, don't ever.
As a single woman, well as a woman with no children and in relationships with men with children, I'm always a huge advocate for the village. I'm always a huge advocate for blended families, right because people don't always stay together. So most people have a stepparent, A lot of people have step parents. So imagine in real time, we out of town somewhere and I'm supposed to I feel like, if a kid does something they need, it needs to be addressed right then and there just like when you
training a dog, right, you don't. You don't wait till two three hours later to beat the dog for some shit he did two three hours ago.
Right, So in.
That moment when the thing is happening and you need to course correct a child, the parent, the stepparents should be able to I am not talking about abusing a child. I got a perfect example my niece when she she's a grown ass woman now and when she was a kid my sister. My sister is now married to this man, but at the time it was her boyfriend. He pulled my niece's tooth out. She had a tooth coming out, and he removed the tooth. She then tells her daddy
that he hit her. Her dad then comes to my sister house and fought her boyfriend, the living boyfriend who's been raising your child when you're not there, right. They then get into a fight because the daughter couldn't articulate. Really, Now, that's where it depends on the age of the child also, and how there's their perception of what happened and how
hard they got hit. Right, So now they can exaggerate a situation, especially mom, if you're at home already talking shit about your husband, your ex and his wife now, right, So all this the kid is hearing. So there's a lot of things based just watching the video that no, we don't know, right, but I know this type of woman.
I know this type, this prototype of person. If you can run up to a woman's house and you're behind the camera not showing your face, if she really abused your child, why didn't you show up with the police. Why are you now trying to handle this situation by yourself? And where's your man?
Because she wanted to smoke, I think, But that's.
What I'm saying.
Yeah, but if you put your hands on my baby, I might want to smoke with you too.
It just depends. I'm not gonna automatically go to smoke. I'm not gonna as as the X. I'm not going to automatically go to smoke because regardless of what this is, this man's wife, I need to understand what happened and why the ass whooping was justified. I'm not gonna reprimand now a grown woman, Right, I'm not gonna assume you're abusing my child. I'm not gonna do that. That's very dangerous.
Yeah, but it just putting your hands on my child period is a problem for me. But I definitely would have communicated that up front.
You know, yeahs our relationship.
I want everybody should talk, yeah, like I want my child to respect you. And if my child misbehaves and does anything that you deem where she needs to be spanked, please call me because I'll be on my way to do it.
I'll be on my way to do it.
But please do not put your hands on my child. That's the only thing I ask that you don't do is physically, because you know physical it can turn into abuse, especially when someone is angry. You should never beat your be the kid while you're mad. You should never do that.
That's usually when kids get to ask with.
I know, but you shouldn't because it can be abused. A lot of us growing up, we were abused.
Let's keep it around. But who were abused by? Were we abused by steps? Were we abused by our mom our?
Actually I can't speak I haven't had I never had a step of parents, so I can't speak to that. But the only people who was beating me was my mom and my grandma. My daddy never whooped us, but yeah, they used to whoop our tail, I ass up, So I couldn't.
I couldn't imagine having someone else who's angry at my child from misbehaving putting their hands on them.
When that happened to me growing up, not from like a step but the fucking daycare like these people obviously was from a time where anybody could beat the kids and my mom. Once I finally realized that it was wrong that it was happening to me when I tell my mom went up there like it started to fucking hedgehog her and my aunt.
Exactly my baby fucking airdisplace.
But it wasn't just putting her hands on me like then, motherfuckers was putting my head underneath the water in the bathroom and shit like that, Like I was really being abused, but didn't know. No, that wasn't going on with me at the house, but it was going on with other kids at the facility, So I just thought that was regular. There was, yes, girl, but it was like a feud. So my family has a soulful restaurant.
Was getting waterboarded at the daycare, girl, God dad girl.
They used to have this big ass pink brush and those novelty big thick pencils from back in the day and they would hit us on our knuckles with it and then pinch it so it not swell up. Oh that that was how we were disciplined.
That's abuse.
And y'all I used to get disciplined because I wasn't bad, but I was peeing up the mad at naptime.
You just had you were still a party like you know, yeah, like four or five years old.
Yeah, yeah, for that is crazy. Yep, I bet you stop.
No, that does not stop and care from peeing on themselves.
Man.
You know, my last relationship, I did not agree with his parenting style at all. And one morning he was like, wait, you have some kids and then you could tell me. But I'm like, if I'm gonna be with you right and I'm gonna have to deal with this. He's a little boy now, but he's going to be a teenager at some point. If I'm going to have to be in his life when he has issues from how you raised him, I have something to say today. I'm going to say something. If I don't like what's going on me.
Too, I will. I don't have no problem with that. I just ain't don't want to physically have you, like, have you seen a kid's face after someone beats them. It's the saddest thing in the world. I couldn't imagine causing that to my child or anybody else's child.
Now, she's the difference. We not beating anybody. Nobody's getting beat by us, right, But if your kid is getting beat at the house, how could you tell somebody else not to beat them?
Oh?
I can only I can be the only abuser over here. That doesn't make sense to me.
Well, it depends on like it don't have to be abused. It could be you know, a refermand. But I just don't want nobody else doing it because I know I love my baby.
I don't know if you love them.
So I don't know how you are going to respond to this misbehavior And will it be in a way that I, you know, feel like it's going to teach the child a proper lesson or is it just to give them pain?
You know?
So I don't know.
That's where the adults need to communicate. Like I said, if he meets, if your significant other meets or ex right meets a new person that's gonna be around your child, you should want to meet this person. There's a lot of women who don't want to meet the newbie. Yeah, they don't want to meet you, they don't want to have a conversation. But if I'm gonna be around your child now, I gotta I gotta force a meeting with
you as the mom. A lot of people do not have the maturity to deal with these things, and that's what I was seeing in that video. She did not have the emotional intelligence to handle this situation properly, and the way she came off crazy. The girl said, well, this is probably You're probably a reason why your daughter being rude over here.
M And that's very maybe possibly true. But I don't give a damn. Don't put your hands on them now.
I'm never gonna have that attitude with another woman. If I had a kid and this man chose this woman to be with, I want to meet her. Yeah, absolutely, I want to have a conversation and we could talk about all of these things. And you know, and especially depending on like say, for instance, this was this girl. This lady has been in this kid's life since one years old, you know, and this man has been married
to her for ten years. Are you saying he can't imagine a grown man, right, Imagine like the other side of this, the woman, the baby mom. Imagine her having a man and the child as a boy, and that man that's in the house can't discipline this boy in his house. That's a problem.
Or he can discipline them like physical is not the only discipline. There's all forms of discipline that are effective outside of physical.
That's what I'm saying. But nobody should hit the child. If that's the case. For you to say I can whoop my child and knock her head between and watch your sheine and dryer, but nobody else can is a bigger problem to me.
Why I'm the mother who pushed her out.
That's the ego. Yeah, that's that's too much.
Not to me.
This is my child that I that I pushed out, and I ain't.
Nobody gonna put their hands on the butt me because I'm gonna do everything I do. Is would love everything. But you may not love my kid the same way you might. Shit you marry him now, y'all might not even be together next year. Are you still gonna have a relationship with my child? You might divorce everybody. So no, don't ever put your hands on my baby. Ever, ever, I don't care. I just don't care. Maybe I don't have the emotional intelligence that requires and it is what
it is. But don't do it, because now I'm going to jail about mine.
A lot of paternal parents go to prison for abuse, they go to prison for neglect. It's not just step just step parents. So if a child is gonna be abused, it could happen from the hands of a step parent.
I agree, but I'm just speaking on me, you know, I'm just speaking on me, and I know that I would not abuse my child.
I'm not even a.
Big advocate for physical punishment, but if it happens, it will be because I decided that was something that happened, not the step mama.
Yeah, you can call me.
You can call me and tell me what happened, and I'll do it because I want my child to respect you. I want my child to respect all adults. So there will be punishment for that, but I don't know if it'll be physical, and you don't get to decide that.
Period. Yeah.
I just think that we are different from this person in the video. Yeah, so based on that video, she wanted smoke with this woman.
Period.
I understood and there are a lot of women like her and you may not. You can say, oh, we don't know if she better or not. That's all I heard. That's all I heard, Because at what point do you not call? She said she called him and he doesn't answer his phone. Right, there might be a reason why he don't answer the phone for her.
Yeah, but they got a kid together, so he needed They need to work past whatever it is so he can answer the phone.
Have y'all ever, there's another question we should have pose, like, but how is it dealing with these women of like the baby mama is, like it could be real. I don't give off the energy that anybody can play with me like that. I've never had a problem, for real with I've had more of a problem with the dad, like him not facilitating a relationship right with me and this other person. But I've never actually had a direct issue with a bitch.
Man, I'd had a bitch really, like what I know. This bitch used to wake up in the morning be like, ah, how can I fuck up Timmy's day today?
Like I swear that's how that bitch woke up. She just always everything was a problem everything, Oh my god, Like how I did their hair was a problem. And if I took like I'm going to get my nails done, I'm gonna take these girls with me to get their nails done too.
Don't take my kids to get their nails done.
They came here with chip the apolish on. It's not like I'm gonna get acrylic. I'm just gonna get their polish redone. You know, that's a problem. She just didn't want me to do nothing with them kids, like it was just so bad. And I was like, well, me or her need to have a conversation. We need to talk. She needs to have my number because their dad is at work all day. I'm with these kids all day long.
You need to talk to me, you know, you need to let me know what's what's okay and what's not you know.
But she refused to have a conversation with me. It's just such a mess.
Oughod And that's what I saw in the video, though, I saw somebody who refused to to co parent. That's you cannot dictate what this man is doing in his house with this child. He has just as much right to the child as you do.
Apparently I agree the father does, but we would just have to have a conversation about physical punishment, because that's just not something I'm okay with my soul. Doom that don't like Ja Cole, I couldn't sleep for two days and just did sit right with my spirit because why.
We did ask you guys are listeners on Instagram to give us your take on this particular video. So when we come back from break, we're gonna listen to somebody and I like this part now, Okay, I like listening to people calling. Okay, so we'll be right back. All right, So y'all, we are back, and the first caller is actually a guy. Let's see what he has to say.
Hey, this is Joe from Columbia and weighing in on the topic. I think that, you know, it depends on the parents, the responsible adults parents, who gets the discipline the child. I'm one that don't particularly care to discipline someone else's child physically. However, if there is a needed and in real time, I had to make that decision, and I'm talking about emergency only, and it would be justified and I can deal with the other parents you know, when it when it comes to that. But for the
most part, I don't I don't. I personally, opinion wise, I don't know why one parent would want to or would be willing to, uh discipline another child that's that's not his own. But uh, that's a touchy subject, and I think that you know, it boils down to the parents and and how responsible and how much someone trusts the other parents decision making. Me personally, again, I wouldn't want to discipline someone else's child. It would I would have to be asked to do that, which I'd be uncomfortable.
But I'd also be uncomfortable if the emergency situation happened and I had to that child.
Would have put me in an uncomfortable position to need to discipline them physically.
Now, as far as you know the woman I'm dealing with now, I don't think she would want to discipline my children physically, But I would have to say I'm open to her in an emergency situation having to do that. I know she wouldn't though, I honestly have to say I know she wouldn't do that, So you know that's where I stand on it.
You know, if.
Someone other than me discipline my child, I personally wouldn't Also wouldn't have a problem with it when.
They're out of line.
They're out of line, and that's for me and that other parent or that other adult to discuss, and then I'll judge that, you know, at that moment with that person face to face.
But if it's if it's unjust, then I'll step in to send my child. But if it's just, then you know, he got what he deserves and the world's gonna treat him worse.
Emergency emergency situation ass whoopings is crazy?
Yeah, what is the emergency?
Ass Now you're gonna break the glass on the belt.
He's an emergency.
Give me the emergency ass whooping.
But you know what I thought about, give me the gun tray, Give me the gun tray like that.
That's an emergency situation. Yeah.
Yeah, you read said I would have beat tray up at that moment. He might have stayed home.
Listen, I agree with him. I'm not gonna make great friction between my ex and his significant other in regards to UH discipline in the kids. I would suggest, yes, don't put your hand on the kid. I don't beat my child. They'll know that because I can articulate that to them. She probably never explicitly stated shit based.
On that video, because I think she would have been like, I already told.
You, No, she did say that. I think she said that. She said she told him she don't want nobody. She told him that she don't want nobody putting their putting their hands on her child. But that could have just been before anything ever even happened. Like, why are you even assuming at some point somebody gonna beat your child? But it happened like THEYD beat that guy the kid. But I don't, I'm not. I don't know.
I like harmony, me too, harmony, and I don't want my kid to get beat period.
But if your kid need that ass whooped, like, I'll do it. Nah, I'll do it. Okay, let's listen to the next call.
Y'all.
You ain't never had a delayed ass whooping. All your ass whoopings came in real time. Yes, you ain't never like you're gonna get your ass beat when you get home.
You ain't never had that. That's to me, that's abuse.
How's that abuse?
Because you ruined the kid's day for the rest of the day.
Y'all are apparently whatever they did deserved it. Nah.
We out somewhere in the midst of you not being when you told me you want to beat my ass. You were probably upset right at that moment. The day that went on, you no longer upset. Not you keeping your word and really whipping my ass six hours later. That is fucking crazy to me. It needs to happen right then and there. Delayed ass whoopings are abused to me.
You can't You can't whip them in public.
You could have took them in the bathroom, take them in the beginning.
Of trouble for that. You can go to jail for that.
Now keep your hands off little people. That's what I'm hearing, Because if it's against the lat to whip your child, now keep your hands off of little people. Everybody. How about that?
How about that you don't sit.
You don't own these people. You don't own these people, those kids, you don't own them just because you had.
Them legs up when we get to the house.
That is abuse. I never talked to a kid like that. I never fold my top lip at a kid like Let me tell you I used to do with my exes fucking son when them niggas went through what I say, I just delayed doing the things that they needed me to do, like feed them. Y'all want lunch, y'all have breakfast, right, y'all want lunch. I have told you to clean this room ten times. Now, guess what happens when they start coming. I'm hungry. I just delay getting up to make them something to fucking eat.
Now, that's abuse to me.
They're not that hungry. They want a snack. They want like little bullshit. You know what I'm saying throughout the day. So because you didn't do what I asked you to do very nicely, I'm not jumping to do anything a little person tells me to do. You're gonna wait now.
I remember one time I had cooked dinner for the kids and they did not want what I prepared and red but they eat it all the time. It wasn't like something that they didn't eat. They just wanted to eat cinnamon toast crunch instead of the dinner. And my boyfriend at the time let them eat cinnamon toast crunch instead of what I prepare. And our money was tight, so we ain't have a lot of money like that, and it pissed me off that they didn't have to
eat that dinner. So and they were just sitting there happy eating they little cinnamon toast crunch. I was like, okay, I got something for that. So the next day they was like, what's for breakfast? I was like, dinner, it's for breakfast.
See that's a nice ass whooping. That's a good one.
Dinner is for fucking breakfast. That's what you're about to eat. Y'all gonna eat this food?
No, See my ex is different, like he was gonna force them to eat whatever I cooked. But my food was always good. Them niggas would wake up, he'd beat I gave him some bullshit. They waiting for me to get up so they can say like, no, we want your breakfast. I have literally forced myself to eat some shit I didn't like. While I'm watching the boys cry about having to eat this bullshit they daddy don'et cooked, and I'm forcing myself to eat it so they don't
have to eat it by themselves. We always beat abused.
All right, let's go to the next call.
Let's see what we're talking about.
Hello calling to answer the question when I let my man ex husband whatever significant other discipline our child. Answer is no, No, I would not, just because I don't know how and even if I didn't know that, Hell, I don't know that. Hell, I love that. You know, me and my man did not work out, and you know, he moved on and I moved on. I would love to have a great coparent relationship with not only him
and I but with our significant others. But I think that disciplining my child physically is like where I draw the line because it can be a teaching moment for me, maybe like a pop pop and lay it down for her. So where I would think like, oh, hey, this is not a you know, a whoop situation. This is a situation where I like have a conversation.
You know.
It may be like like a situation where she's just like going straight to a whoop, and that's not I don't So I would prefer that, you know, she had a conversation with me and like that kind of situation, she just call me up and be like, hey, this is going on, and then I can decide, you know, what I'm going to do with my child and that moment. So yeah, and I still I don't know that home have a good one.
You see, I don't know that whole like why we even have that type of energy for the for the other person, what is going on between you and this man's relationship. I'm not talking about her in particular, but this is a lot of women. I don't know that whole, Like, why don't you know that whole? This hole is around your child.
Why do you need to know that whole?
Yes, absolutely, and I don't want to know that whole. That's terrible, Like I need to know everybody that's around my child because women are predators as well. Okay, I need to know everybody. So at some point, somebody got to be an adult. May it be him, the new girlfriend, slash or wife or you. Somebody has to be the bigger person and have these conversations. Okay, so there's no confusion on what needs to be happening.
Right So in that relationship, she was like, I'm not talking to her until she apologized to me, And I was like, but you need to just let bygones be bygones, because you ain't getting an all apology.
Let's just move.
Forward for the sake of the kids. Let's just have these conversations about the kids. We can do that, but in an apology, you will get.
What you was needing to apologize for. What did you cause?
I cussed her the fuck out?
Why because she was talking about me in his phone and I've seen it, so I call her motherfucking ass And I was like, since you got so much to say, bitch.
So now she's trying to make you, now the new girlfriend, bow down. No, we ain't doing that.
Right, I'm not buying down to you.
Let's just move forward, because you already was out your mouth phone and that's why I had to come correct you.
That's why I was. I didn't want no smoke with you, but you asked for it. So let's just move forward and let's talk about these kids.
Shame, all right, let's see next caller.
Yes, so if the dad is an active father, meaning he takes full responsibility of the child with the mother, then yes, I would be open to his girlfriend or wife discipling the child. If he's not an active father, then I would not be open to it.
I mean he probably if he's not an active father, and you just he only sees his kid like once every few months.
Type and then a bitch beating them.
No, that's crazy.
I'm coming over there with a gun for everybody, because why he ain't seen this baby in seven months.
You can't even beat this kid.
Right, she come home, Toby, I got beat what that's crazy?
This should be a happy experience. We don't know what's gonna happen again.
Yo. Keep the kids from non active parents and active and active parents.
No, because we want them to become active parents. So you want to let them see their parents as much as possible. But please don't put your hands on them. If you're not present, that's insane. They gonna hate you. You already don't come around, and you beat me when I do see you're saying.
You know, Meg Scholar.
So can the baking dead, current wife or living girlfriend discipline the child physically? One of the CONTI that is is I know that I don't feel comfortable physically disciplining someone else's children that I might be seeing. So with that said, I probably wouldn't be comfortable with someone doing that with mine. I feel like if both living parents are present, there's no need for me to step in physically.
I should be.
Able to verbally reprimand them or give them some types of consequences. If I am playing a part in helping to raise them, but to physically discipline them. I feel like I would I would rather leave that up to the two living parents, because at the end of the day, these children I didn't give birth to, they have two
living parents. They can handle that peace. But if I do have to be a part of their lives in raising them, then I would like to think that at the very least I can verbally or some other productive way of reprimanding them, I think that could take place. So, yeah, I can't see myself fell uncomfortable physically reprimanding somebody else's kids me either.
Yeah, I'm not comfortable reprimanding any kid, though maybe my own or someone else's. That's the only point I'm really trying to make. I think, if you yourself practice corporal punishment on your child, how do you then get mad when somebody else doesn't.
Because it's my child, it's not their child.
Yeah, that's just weird to me. Nobody should be hitting a child. All right, we got one more caller and we're gonna rap it up.
I think it really just depends on the relationship that you have with that child, because some of these girlfriends have been around since the kid was a baby. But then again, you are just a girlfriend. You're not even at a wife. But I have had a man who had his kids with me, like twenty four seven. He really just put this responsibility on me because his mother wasn't around, so I was just kind of helping him out.
And it would be times when his daughter was really just out of line, and you know, he had been with me all the time, and it's like with my kids, I am disciplining them. You know, I would spank them, and his kids he didn't want me to spank them. But it's like, you're leaving these kids with me twenty four seven, and you know, because he had to work or go out of town or something, and you don't want me to spank them, But I'm speaking my kids. I don't know, Like I said, it just depends.
Why the fuck you got these kids so long? That's how I used to be feeling, why the fuck I got these heirs?
So oh.
Yo? Leaving your kids with somebody for twenty four hours is wild, okay, longer than she was, like he going out of town?
Where is they?
Mama? One of my friends, one of my good friends, this guy's to date, we're still really good friends. But he has a daughter. When I tell you, she's such an angel, she is the sweetest little girl. She's so brilliant, Like I could not see anybody not liking her. And this girl he was dating was like really like telling him, Oh, you baby her too much and you do too much for her. Like literally his daughter was sitting next to him because they're at Thanksgiving with her family. The baby
don't know anybody else. She's seven years old. She doesn't know anybody else at the house. Of course, I'm staying up underneath my dad. This bitch waits until she moves to like take her seat by her dad, and she's like, can I have my seat back? Like she was playing in these type of games with a little girl. And when I tell you, I'm so she was jealous the baby, Yes, where's this bitch? I was feeling so bad because like,
where is this bitch? And I don't want to be with your daddy, But I love you nonetheless, but I did not like the fact that it was a woman mistreating this little angel, right, bitch, I'll beat you up about that girl. But yeah, man, you gotta be Yeah, you gotta be careful with women. You do. You do have to be careful with people. But that's where communication comes in. At You know, somebody has to be the bigger person and have the hard conversations so that everybody
is on the same page. You cannot just pull up at my door because Tammy was like she would have beat the bitch up as soon as she got to the house.
Yeah, but that's because I would have made it very clear how I felt about it.
It wouldn't have been like I didn't know. No, you knew exactly like what was up when it came to physical punishment for my child. Now I got to do the same thing to you.
And as the girl, old friend or wife I was, I said I would beat that bitch ap as soon as I opened my door.
Or got beat up, whichever one k first. Bible one. That don't mean you're gonna win. That don't mean you're gonna win. Because I'm listen.
You might not have to fight. You might have got shot, not a kid, you had a parent, you ain't got You ain't the only one with a gun.
Like your kid.
You ain't the only one with the gun. Don't put your hands on my baby. But that's just a conversation that needs to be had, you know, prior to very clearly with all parties involved.
Yeah, I don't know. Keep your hands off little people. That's my last last.
Yeah, little kids.
Children have half the life experience experiences of an adult. You cannot expect them to know what you know. You're gonna have to repeat yourself a thousand times. You gotta have patience when dealing with little people. Keep your cool. The people who I see yelling and cussing their kids out in public, I think you're a problem more than that kid. Yeah, because how did you let the kid get you there?
And then?
But you know, these kids will work your last fucking nerve though. They will, they'll take you to the outer limits. I remember one time we were in Belgium, me and my sister, all her friends came and everybody took their kids, and my niece was just had the soul of Satan in her that day.
I don't know, she was just missing. She was behaving so terribly. Oh my god.
And my sister came to me, She's like, I need you to get your niece and I need you to get her to fuck away from me because I'm going to jail today. And I knew my sister was at her wits end, and she's a very patient person, like, she's very non violent and very patient. But I knew that in that moment that I needed to get my niece very far away from her because she.
Was about to die.
I don't know, man, So the kids will take you there.
She had like the smallness take and everything that she could do bad, she was doing it.
God damn, sit your motherfucking ass down somewhere.
Yeah, man. And this also it also goes back to like you shouldn't be doing it by yourself. You know what I'm saying, You shouldn't be having to parent by yourself, because I think it gets even more frustrating at that point because you're always the disciplinary, You're always having to be the responsible person in this situation, like where is the other parent? So I can I see where the frustration comes from when raising children without having to be
a parent myself. I'm definitely a mom. I'm a mother at heart. Yeah, But I think the longer you live without having kids, you see what, I feel like both you and I would be very very good parents. I don't think we have a lot of time to see what the fuck we ain't about to do with these goddamn kids. I feel like when you treat kids like adults, they act like adults. When you treat them like a kid, they act like a kid. Right, So I never subscribe to the this came out of me, this is mine.
I feel like children choose their parents. We don't choose and choose our children. So you have to realize that, yes, you did give birth to this thing, and as you are responsible for this gift. Also, I just remember growing up and never feeling like I had a place to live because it was my mama house, my mama, my my, my, my mind. That's how I felt growing up. I don't ever want my kid to feel like they don't belong somewhere, or like it's a privilege to be here, because it's not.
They didn't ask to be here. You are responsible for them, right.
But you also don't want your kid to grow up in title and acting like they don't understand the value of what you're providing them. You know, I'm providing this for you, and I want you to understand that it is a luxury to have these things because some people don't have them, so you need to appreciate them.
And that's as such.
Yeah, you know, balance, So it got to be balance because you don't got no you come you slamming the door. You don't have no door.
You don't have no door. That's my door.
Door.
They ain't got no door. They don't have a door to slam.
Yet, when you buy a door and you pay for it, you can slam that motherfucker to come off the hedge. But in here, no yo, we used to break my old Take the door down you, I will take it.
You come home from school, won't be no door. Your door, your door on craigs List, your door on eBay. Baby, you don't have no door no more. Please don't play with me.
Hey, y'all, hands off the moytherfucking churring. You ain't my daddy, my mama. The minute the kid tell me that shit, they can't come to my house no more.
You're not my dad. Remember that, y'all.
Listen, hold on before we go. I remember when I was leaving my eggs now, I was taking the girl because I eat a lot of things people don't eat, right, So I'm not taking like things out the refrigerator that I know they would eat. I'm taking things that I know they don't eat that will just go bad.
Girl.
Why is little nigga standing at the thresholder the kitchen, like, why are you taking all our food? I was like, you know you just like your fucking daddy. Bye. Nobody taking all y'all food that I bought. The fuck bile they waiting taking all the food they Likad said, bye, Lance, he ain't have no loyalty to me, boy like you and my daddy eat together no more.
All right, bye bitch, But don't take the cinnamon toast crunch bitch. All right, y'all.
If you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. iHeartRadio Apple, wherever the fuck you get your podcasts at. This is your co host aj Holiday two point zero On Instagrams. Kick it Tam, y'all's Tam Bam, y'all. I just want to say that I'm getting finer every day. Y'all need to hop on my page and get on this herbal life and get you all life together and join my close friends because these girls are getting it together and summer is on the way.
Log in, look at my page, join me, join me. I want you all to be my friend and let's do this together. Y'all is official tam band. Remember to speak now.
And never hold your motherfucker herbal life on this goddamn podcast.
Have a good dinny.
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