We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks. What's up?
Y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a new episode and we talked back a show dedicated to you dreamers and chasers. This is your co host AJ Holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?
Do anybody want a motherfucking dog? Do anybody want a dog?
I want to pat that dog? Let me pet that doll.
Oh my god, Hey y'all, I love y'all. What's up? What's up? As damn?
Are you the I R S?
I'm sorry, I'm stressed.
Goddamn. What's the agent from Matrix? The agent name off the Matrix? That's what's up? Ashley? Like, what y'all?
My puppy? I kept the rug, my rug up off my floor for months trying to train her. And once I thought I had her all the way trade, I put my rug down and it's like I never trained her.
She like, I ain't never pissed on this before. Let me get on this. Let me see what this be like.
Oh my gosh, she shpit on it yesterday and she pissed on it today. And if y'all want a dog for Christmas? DM me.
I'm gonna need you to stop getting dogs, and they're giving the ask the way y'all listen. So this weekend I attended my cousin's wedding. My cousin, Arthur, my first cousin, got married, and I have a cousin who Tammy gifted her last dog to dog's name was Findy initially the dog. Now his name is Chewy, and he actually attended the wedding. Nigga was there with a tuxedo on because my cousin don't go nowhere without that fucking dog.
Well he found a good homes I'm the dog. I'm the Oprah of dogs. You get a dog, you get a dog, motherfucker. Because I didn't want.
The dog for a couple of minutes.
I love her. She's cool, but it's the piss and shit that I can't deal with.
I don't like puppies, you know, And the same way I don't really like babies like that. I like seven year olds.
Yeah, because look they get big, they got some.
Sense exactly like this is hard diamonds.
I could keep her. She would never use the bathroom in my house. She was so smart. I mean, when she was a puppy, obviously, But when she got big, she learned this right here is dumb.
Not this right here, it's a frenchie. This right here, y'all know them dogs are tired anyway. Okay, I don't understand why people even like Frenchies, Like it's not a natural breed of dog.
And it's like you really that dog tagage get you? Like, really sat right next to me and pissed on my road while I'm sitting right here? Is wow?
You know, sometimes dogs do things they get attention from me, Like she knows if she pees like she's gonna at least get some type of emotion from you. So maybe you need to change how you spawned her pin because she's associating that even whatever type of response it is, she's so she.
Wanted ass whoopings all the time.
She might have gotten conditioned for ass whippings. I don't know, are you abusive?
That's what you call it?
Anyway? How was your weekend? Aside from clean up shit and pissh gosh?
My weekend was good. I went to see The Whiz over the week, really it was.
I watched it on what I think it's on Amazon right now? Oh?
Really? The play no the Oh the Original with MJ and Diana Ross. Yeah. I try to get my date to watch the actual original before we went, but he didn't do it.
So he never seen it before.
How old is he?
Yeah, okay, go ahead. So he was born in nineteen ninety six, this bitch.
So it was so funny because he's like ghetto but not ghetto, right. So we was at the player and he was like, yeah, this is cool. Yeah, this ship alight right here. He's like, I ain't never did no ship like this before before, Like she we could do all the plays and ship goodness. But it was so much fun that y'all, if the Wiz is coming to your city, you definitely want to go out and see it. Like they were singing their face off. I'm telling you,
these people could sing and dance and everything. And Deborah Cox was Glinda the good Witch.
Oh nice. So what other stars is in the play?
She would be the only one that you would know. So his name is Avery Wilson. He plays a scarecrow. Amazing, amazing?
How long is That's what me and Charlotte it's over here.
It was only for the weekend here and they're moving on. But it's pre Broadway. So they're headed to New York where I heard Wayne Brady Wayne Brady will be the Wiz. I don't know who that person was, but he was good too. I mean every it was amazing.
I want to do plays. I used to do plays. I did dream Girls in Charleston once.
Really, how old were you I was?
I was stilling. This is my last year of high school and I did plays at Benedict.
Really? Yes, I missed that.
We did one monk you don't stop no show at Benedict.
Really?
Oh, you were in the drama, in the drama.
That makes sense because you're full of drama. What happened since of the week?
What this week? Tamar Braxton and Krishawn Rocks and what's this guy's name?
James Wright Chanel? Did y'all see that?
Did they have footage out there? Do they have footage out there of her hitting him?
I haven't seen any footage of her hitting him, all right, so if y'all have been under the rock. Krishan came out during Tamar's performance on her tour, and Tony actually came out, and at first they showed they had video of Krishan like bent over for a picture in front of Tony and Tamar, and TONI was looking at her like, who is this? Yeah, she clutches pearls. Then the video started coming around of Krishan on stage while Tamar is singing Love and War and she like dancing like it's
a club song. It was just the wrong energy. It was so cringe. I was like, oh, what is happening here? But then it came out that Krishan attacked, uh, well, assaulted, allegedly James Wright Chanell, who's a background singer for Tamar, and he posted a video of him at the dentist getting like some dental work done because apparently she affected his mouth in some way by the assault.
Now the guy James right, that's Patty, Yes, yes, how you hit this big ass man? He like six foot something.
That's a big man that she Yeah, girl, where so.
Taught me from Love and Hip Hop? Was trying to accuse them of like staging the whole ship to get more attention of visibility on the tour, But Tamar came out she was like her tour being sold out for a whole month and the only reason why they invited Christian Rock is because they were in Baltimore. She's from Baltimore, and they think she needs a hug. You know, I just watched her her sit down with Jason Lee. Have
you seen it, Christian Rock. It's like a two hour I actually watched the whole two hours, and I have some empathy for that little girl. The thing is is that you know what they say, what you focus on is what you attract, right, So we know that people who are they have fixations on things. So I just feel like a lot of the people we see in entertainment have focused so much on money. That's why it's just drawn to them like they they're they able, They are able to hone in on things in a way
that regular people can. That's why those A lot of times those people are like really really smart people, but they have social skill issues. I feel like that's what we're seeing with a lot of these people who have a lot of notoriety out here.
I just feel like, have you ever seen a train wreck and looked away? Everybody? Everybody looks at the train wreck, everybody watches it when it happens, right, And I think this girl is has suffered, you know, she has had a lot of trauma and she needs guidance she really needs some guidance.
And then you add money on top of you add.
Money, and she's beautiful too. I forget she's a beautiful girl. So you add all of that and you get Krishan Rock And I think people just enjoy watching the mess unfold. If she was like, came back off solid, if she did a Black China, she probably people will stopped paying attention.
But sometimes we people haven't stopped paying attention to Black China. So you can, you know, do that three sixty and people gonna stow fuck with you.
Yeah, but you can't.
And she even the things, the thing that makes me like one minute she's talking with a straight mind and the next minute it's like these people have slip personalities, that they have personality disorders. Something be going on. And you add children on top of this shit.
Man. But even even with Black China, Black China was in all the tabloids for all the miss once she started changing her life, only black blogs and stuff like that she was on.
She's been on other other because she's closely connected to the Kardashians. White folks want to know what she got going on too. I've seen her on other people toes for sure, people absolutely, but I don't know. I don't know what the hell is out with Christian rock.
Uh.
Tamar is known for a lot of little weird antics herself, so they may have plotted all lists to bring more attentions. So I don't know. I doubt that all of you are weird is if you ask me anyway?
Well, heavy holidays all nixt.
I can't say this negative name to saved my life? Say it you, Dinna?
Yes?
Isn't the African Rights America?
Yes?
So y'all know the singer the Classic Man. So recently Jodnna appeared on I don't know if it's a podcast? Yeah show yeah, okay, call What's Underneath Masculinity. It's a podcast by man Enough. The Outlish published a twenty three minute episode on November ninth and highlights Jadenna's career and
personal life, including patterns he's worked to break. I sent him a clip of one of his things because he seemed to have been taken accountability for things that men just don't have the self awareness to tap into to see that they're doing right. But it doesn't excuse it. He basically admitted to stealing some women's baby making years basically wasting their times. They've built him up over the years and he basically depleted them, and that is triggering.
I just want to read what he said. I robbed some women of their baby making years, dragging them along. They build me up. Look at me now, and look at them now. If you were creative, I folded you into my artwork. If you were in my artwork, I gave you a job, Jadina said, describing past behavior. I mastered your life. I gave you a house, food, everything you needed. I protected and provided for you. I did what men are supposed to do.
That lit, I feel like that. I feel like they put two different conversations together. And I didn't watch the full twenty three minute episode of this podcast to try and understand how to talk on them. Yeah, but it's the first sentence, I robbed some women of their baby making years.
Dragging them along. I was like, not another. Why?
So we know that men know exactly what they're doing, whether or not they know what they're doing in the moment. At some point they have this realization that they've done these things. Do they hit some bitches up and say hey, I'm sorry. Some of them might do it before they get married to the woman that changed them. I've heard men say that they've called exes from the past and apologize for how they did them right, don't call me nigga. Just let well enough be good and don't call.
Me yeah cause you know a lot. It's so funny that you say that, because at homecoming I got some apologies for men from my past that went to college with me, and I was like, who are you? You know, like, it's just like, save it. The apology was needed back then. I don't need it now period. This is for you to absolve yourself at this point.
Exactly was that you standing next to me? No, might have been Saria. When we was at homecoming. At the party, we did this dude who I really, really really liked. He stopped talking to me because I made him late for a football game up here in Charlotte. We were going to go see I think it was the Steelers play the Panthers, and I made him miss kickoff and I had a hickey. Let me add that part.
In there, but he was getting fuck I was trying to see that.
I wasn't having sex. Okay, I didn't have sex with somebody, but I made out with somebody else, right, but we didn't establish an actual relationship, so he like for real cold turkey me right, And now a couple of years later you checking back for me. Okay, now you married with two kids, and now you're on my line telling me how you fucked up. That is not flattering to me. Get the fuck off my phone before I fucking three way your bitching.
Right, Oh Mary. It's one thing to come back divorced, but it's another thing to come back feel married.
Yeah, I don't like that shit going about your business if you know you've ruined my damn life. But I feel like we have to take accountability a little bit in that too. Like you, men know what they want. They know what they want. So if they are not showing up for you in a way that you think they should be, they don't like you, that's all it is, because they well do whatever it takes to keep the person that they really want to be with and love them.
They're gonna do whatever you asking them. So now, if I got to keep asking you to do some shit you don't want to do it, right, go on, so stop waiting for him to leave your ass.
Leave So speaking being vulnerable and accountable. I don't know if you guys saw this, but Gez and nia Long sat down for a conversation about their divorce and self love, and did you see it?
I watched the full thing, full context.
I watch the first time. I put it on fell a Sleepin'm gonna lie. But then I ran it back at work the next day and it was really thoughtful and it was good. You know, I didn't even know that Gezi was that type of man. I thought he was gonna come on there like she. You know what I'm saying, she a crazy story.
I know that guy. He is a smart man.
He is. I didn't know how.
I know he full of shit because he's a smart man. I think he's a very calculated man.
Yeah, I see that based on the conversation that they had, you know, And that's how you can't judge a book. I'm judging based off of thug motivation one on one. You know what I'm saying, Like, he ain't that person. He's not that person. And he said he forty six. I didn't know he was that much older than me.
Now you don't like him.
He was never my type. Honestly, he's never my type. But he talked about being molested, about having a troubled relationship with his mother, about losing his mother. He made a reference to having your player your best player, and NIA was like, can we use another right besides players, Let's not do players. Let's talk about the best horse in the race, Nigga. How do you feel about their conversation?
I liked it. I liked it. It is necessary and it's not like you know, when we hear people talking now these on podcasts just like us, bitch people be people's egos so big to where they think like they're the first person to have these conversations or they're the first people You're not as a lot of people have in these conversations. They may not be big enough for everybody to see, but it's the same conversations over and over again, and it's those conversations that need to be had.
Right.
The only part that I did not appreciate is GZ saying how black men need their women when they're at their worst. I don't think he may not think about it, he may not have been thinking about it in that way at the time. But for a lot of black women, we feel like men only want us when they're at their worst. When you get where you want to go, you get your money up, you go outside of the community,
and that's what he's done. I remember when they him and Gucci mane the Diverses, everybody was talking ship like because because jizis showed supposed to show like all his growth or whatever and his which I believe Gucci man He's done in three sixty as far as I'm concerned too, and I attribute that to the woman he's with, you know.
But some of the stuff Gucci was saying was like, well.
Figure, you send some people to kill me. I'm never gonna forget that. Yes, let's get this check together, but I'm never gonna forget you tried to take my life, Jez that. This is why I want to talk about self awareness today, right because it's recognizing your light side and your dark side. Nigga, that ships still in you. You are capable of still doing that today. And I need you to realize that I haven't forgotten and his album forgiven, But don't forget.
Exactly what Gucci did in retaliation or prior to this.
I mean, he killed the person that Jess that that Jez sent to kill him. That's what happened, okay, and then I rap about your dad homeboy, he.
Said, put him in a blunt.
The thing is is that like if I was Gucci man, like JIZI was like, oh, I didn't know this was a fashion a fashion show, you know, because Gucci had on his Gucci I remember what Gucci had on. Nigga looked so fine on that damn. I mean, like not his face, but the outfit was busting. It was like a Gucci trench he had on with the Gucci turn next sweat unerneath. It was really really nice. And you know, Jizi alluded to the fact that you know, I buy
real estate. I don't buy clothes, like Keisha Kayor was a realtory. You don't think these people own properties.
They were just going back and forth.
Yeah, but you know from like I would have hit. I would have hit Jeezi with the at Lisa and leaving my wealth to another day, a race of people transferring that god damn wealth. Because now this is why I don't fuck with Jiez.
Because he because he got with a woman.
Yes, and I don't care who knows it, Like, I don't trust you if you're not with a black woman. I'm looking at you some type of way.
Na said that when black women supported her the way they did, she was surprised by how she didn't know that everybody love her. That's crazy, you know.
Because I guess you'd just be being you and to her, she's a regular person and she's, you know, not just like I feel like, how do you play with me along? Everybody wants me along? But I guess once you get the thing, men always get too familiar with you, Like they always forget who the fuck you are. That's why occasionally you gotta do shit to remind them.
I don't think that's just a male thing. I just think that's a people think. You get the big shiny car, and after a year, it's not a big shiny car no more. Now it's just your car. You get the big old house, and you love the house, like everybody look at my beautiful house. After a few years, it's like I just want something new. But that's people.
No, I don't know people who don't practice gratitude, you know what I mean?
Most people.
Yeah, I guess I was.
Sitting with someone and like I always pray before my meals, and that was like they was like I really need to start praying before I eat. I was like, are you not grateful for this meal? I mean, I am, but I you know, until they all have it, right, you gotta be grateful. And I tell them like, being grateful for what you already have is how you get more.
Exactly, That's why I need to go clean my car right now, because in my mind I'm driving around in the Bentley it is a bit so keep it clean like it is. One is you treat that Bentley different from Behonda? Right?
All right, We're grateful for these sponsors. Y'all listen to this commercial. We'll be right back, all right.
I feel like our stupid internet news this week is a great segue into what I want to talk about, which I probably mentioned earlier on self awareness, dumb. What is self awareness? It is a noun, and it is a word itself itself hyphen awareness conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. Right, So it's said that the more self aware you are, the better your
relationships are, the better you treat people. You're less likely to lie, steep steel and cheat when you have self awareness. But I think I read that, but I feel like sometimes motherfuckers is self aware and they still do bad shit because that's just who they are.
Yeah, they're aware that they ain't shit right, okay with it? Right?
So I don't feel like it really like just makes you be a better person. It just makes you deal with who you are better.
Ooh, but listen, it's you know, in this last couple of years, I feel like I've been trying to be more accountable for who I am, and I and I have to strip away all that, you know, all of this protective armor and look myself in the mirror. And sometimes I ain't happy with who I.
See, you know, like literally in the mirror.
Yeah, like look at my soul and the real truth of who I am. And sometimes I ain't happy with who I see. But that's okay as long as I realize those things and start doing the work. Remember when I used to be.
Like, what is work? What is the work? What is that?
But now I actually am more understanding of what the work is without having someone to put the instruction manu in front of me and do those things. And my greatest thing that I have to work on and and I know and I'm actively working on it is how I respond to how I'm being communicated with right and my how I communicate.
That, that's me.
So something I'm like working on not being a rattlesnake because like, you go low and I'll go to hell sometimes, you know, And I.
Feel like sometimes going to hell is necessary though to help other people.
You know, sometimes you gotta let them figure out their own shit by theyself. That's what I'm realizing. Don't worry about yourself. This the name that you got for this.
I have to, like, I don't worry about your damn self taking.
When somebody's being violent nasty to me, I don't. I'm like, especially someone I love, I learned not to take it personally. I might be mad in that moment. I just walk away from it and then go back and say, hey, I love you no matter what you said, I love you and I'm still here for you, depending on Like, it can't be like the worst shit ever, like, but if I oftentimes they don't have nothing to do with me. That's what I'm realizing.
A lot of times, things outside of you have nothing to do with you. It's said that ninety five percent of people think that they are self aware, while the real number is close to ten or fifteen percent of people who actually are self aware. So that means eighty percent of us are lying to ourselves most of the time. What do you think about that? Man?
I agree, shit, I used to be a member of the eighty percent, and sometimes I still am. You know, like it's a con wavering battle of stripping away all your armor of well, how don't you know what to call it? Armor of self protection and seeing yourself for who you are and working on it.
So there's two kinds of self awareness, right, So it says the two kinds of self awareness, y'all. This has coming from study dot com. It says the two kinds of self awareness are private self awareness and public self awareness. Public self awareness is a moment of realization that only involves yourself. This could look like realizing you have feelings for someone you just return from a date. You just
return home from a date. So you go on a date with somebody and you get home like damn, I might like them.
That's self awareness.
Yeah, okay, yeah, because you may not have been acting like that with them, like while on the date. Public self awareness, that's the private. So public self awareness is the ability to understand how others perceive you and usually follows social norms, ensuring you practice your vali valedictorian speech so you don't make a mistake as a form of public self awareness, so you're acting for people out in the public.
See, I have trouble with that, am I supposed to?
I don't.
I don't either, But then that's why people be like either they love me or hate me, you know. Yeah, But I don't know how to.
Do that me either. I don't know how to be somebody else. So I might come out real brash to some people and other people's other people respect how real I am. I don't know how to sugarcoat shit.
Sometimes I feel like I could do better. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should practice a little bit more. I remember one time I was doing his clients here and she when she comes, she always talk real bad about her boyfriend. Right, she just bent to me about all the bad things. And then she came in and my sister was sitting there, well, she was walking by. I said, you still with that no good ass nigga.
When she came and sat down for appointment, and Tang was like, you just be saying anything to people, And I was like, was that wrong to say? What's that wrong to.
Say to you? If she has self awareness, she'd know that she's with a no good ass nigga and she shared the worst thing about her no good ass nigga. So what you said was valid? Did she tell you at any point anything good about this person?
Mm hmmm?
So is she still with the no good ass nigga? I feel like we need real people in our lives to put the whole marror up to us. Sometimes like that, and it may come off to blunt. You have to have kuth right. Sometimes I lack tack. Apparently when I say certain things.
I used to think like maybe I'm mildy on the spectrum because I don't even be know.
We a'all are.
I don't be knowing that what I'm saying is inappropriate, and I'd be like, that's wrong. Sometimes I say some shit a whole serious and everybody bust out laughing, and I'd be like, wait, that was not a joke. I was a whole serious.
I mean, sometimes you gotta be careful what you say. And I'm a firm believer that it is okay to shut the fuck up sometimes, So sometimes I don't we talk back. It's okay to shut though, That's okay. Sometimes if I have something negative to say, I'll just not say nothing. I will fucking smile and naud your ass to death, just to keep my thoughts to myself. Because you know, you don't always have to hold a marriat to people. But I do want to be surrounded by
people who help me build self awareness. Sometimes you can't see yourself, so you have to depend on people who actually fuck with you and who actually love you to help you become more self aware.
And you know, and that's one thing I'm working on because anytime somebody put a mirror to my face, I'd be like, well, bitch, what about the time when you ate the food? Like I just come up with whatever I can say versus the counter what they saying, versus listening and receiving the information, and even though it's hurting, I need to take it for what it is is because but here's the issue, because sometimes it's not delivered from a place of love. They're only telling you the
truth about you in that moment to hurt you. And that makes the difference when it's delivered from a place of I want you to notice because I love you and I want you to be better from whatever this is.
But those conversations often oftentimes only come up in the midst of turmoil, you know what I'm saying, like between us, Like why would I be saying anything?
But sometimes you need to say it though, like if you ask, Like let's say you ask for advice on something and you're going off and you're heated, but you're wrong and strong and wrong. Sometimes as friends we don't say it, you know, we just let you have it. But me, i'd be ready to tell you for that. You know.
I was having a conversation with my homegirl in the way up pair and she's dating this guy, and I hope I'm not saying anything anyway, So it's just a situation, a situation. She's dating a guy who has a situation going on, right, she knew about his situation before they
got together. Now they just madly in love now, right, and she can't really and he gives her a lot of attention, a lot of time, all that stuff, right, But I guess, like the little spurts where he's with this other person that he's still trying to figure out how he can serebratize with him because he probably really wants to be with her, right, but this is an existing situation. He got to figure out you can't just
expect somebody to just change overnight, right. And she was like, I ask God for a man, Why would he send me an unavailable man? I said, you know what, people need to realize that this is all. This also comes with self awareness to me, is realizing that God is inside you. Right, So it wasn't God that created the situation for you. You created it. You are going after these unattainable people, so you got to figure out what is it about you that is creating these situations for yourself?
And then also remembering that it's not happening to you, is happening for you. So you you probably are supposed to be with this person, right, but then you have to give him some type of grace to figure out this whole other situation that you knew about before you got with this nigga or.
Or what or God didn't have nothing to do with any of you. That saying that this might be the.
Devil's word, but the devil and God is in you. That's the thing. You know what I'm saying, You're creating all these situations for yourself and else.
And then when he become yours, and then he find another version of you with somebody else, you lose them. How you get it?
So I like to think that I be owning souls right here. So once I say you mind, bitch, you mine forever, I'll give a fuck about what you got going on with anybody else. I own a couple of niggas in this lifetime. I know for sure.
I don't own nobody I do, bitch, I want to own nobody.
Might be a whole, a whole collectors. I might be a whole collector.
All right, let's talk about how to get to more self awareness?
Yeah, so they're saying, like, so to build more self awareness one of my things I'm trying to get more into this journaling. My hand be hurting.
I've bought you seventeen journals to write in. Occasionally I write in them.
I gotta find them first, but writing them, for sure, one of them might be in that fucking bag right there. I definitely Tammy definitely has bought me a gratitude journal, and uh uh, you bought me a gratitude journal and then a journal for productivity, which go fucking hand in hand, because if you ain't doing shit what you're writing about.
I actually got another book in it for you. I was gonna wait to give it to you for Christmas, but you should just take it with you. Is it. It's actually something to do while you're goddamn it, you get high in your journal. It's actually just for when you're high.
I need an app. I need something I could talk to and it writes out shit. Your hands don't hurt when you write.
I use my hands all day, remember.
Yeah, like my hands be hurting when I write too much. That's why adrenaline is just.
So I'll find you an app for this.
And pay for the subscription. Subscription for a year for me.
Okay.
Therapy is another way to find self awareness.
But only if you like I had a therapist. It was a man. He was, you know, not much older than me, and he was attractive and single. And I was in their line the whole time because.
I wanted him to like me. Yo.
I wanted my therapists to like me. So instead of just telling him I've been promiscuous, I.
Was like, my grandmother just died.
And I'm I'm saying stupid. Yeah. So you gotta, like, if you're gonna get a therapist, you definitely gotta go in there and be honest. And that takes self awareness because you gotta be honest with yourself first.
I remember, and I hate and this is one of the things that I know I have to so so trying to be more self aware. They tell you to stop stop focusing on the why and focus on what, like what can you do different as opposed to saying why is this happening because you get stuck at the why. So I've been trying not to fucking even think about my last relationship for real, but I just thought about
it because we were stuck about therapy. And I remember like going to therapy with this nigga, and I'm like, this is why I feel like you need to go to separate therapy. Couple's therapy is cool, but oftentimes people need individual therapy. Because I remember telling me that he was lying to his therapist. I can't fuck with you. If you be lying to you a therapists, you literally are not trying to help the person that's supposed to be helping you help you because you're lying to them.
Yeah, that's why I had to change my therapies. I had to change because.
It was like, that's a mental ill.
You can't help me because you're too fine. You're too fine to help me, sir.
Not you realize you're you need an ugly therapist.
I need a black woman with a mustage. That's my therapist. Got to be an old black lady. It can't be no young black man or no young black woman.
Because get you what you're telling me, Because no, it wouldn't even be that.
It would be like, I don't want her to judge me. She's like my peer, and I don't want her to judge me and him. I kind of want to throw him some pussy so I can't tell him the truth about me. I need someone like a grandma who got all this wisdom from life experience, and and that's it.
Shame. That's a damn shame, man, Not you throwing pussy at the damn therapist.
Like I didn't throw it at him, but he was somebody that I potentially would want to throw something at. You know I didn't, I didn't, you know, go there.
I think older black lady is good, like a fifty something yea too old because then you right out of touch yes, you don't know really what's going on out.
You like my Ghanda colleges. I like my gand to colleges to be an older black woman. I don't want no young young man staring at my vagina unless he about the eat it.
Okay, here are some tips to cultivate self self awareness. Okay, uh, be curious about who you are. To be self aware, a person needs to be curious about themselves. Our minds and bodies are territories for which we yet need road maps. Every person has some roads they do not wish to take in some roads they feel are worth exploring. How far you're how far you'll go in your journey of understanding yourself depends on what you're ready to explore and experience.
I can tell y'all figuring out who the fuck you are that people don't do it because it's fucking scary and it hurts. Like things that people have told you about yourself that you may not have deemed true at some point, Maybe you might have. You might be driving down the street one day and be like, damn, that motherfucker might be right. That might be right. You know. A friend asked me what I learned from my last relationship.
She asked me this maybe about a month ago. And I'm still trying to find the lesson in that relationship, because they say everything is a lesson. I don't know what the lesson, and I'm trying to find a lesson without blaming him, you know, Like what is a lesson about myself where I could have done better? You know
what I'm saying. I know the things I could have done better in a relationship, But you also got to be in a relationship with somebody who's gonna cultivate you being better, you know what I'm saying, Like, you can't be in a relationship or any even a friendship with somebody who just doesn't bring up the best things. You know, not to say that that person is bad. Y'all just may not bring out the best in each other, right,
And that's okay. And that's really the last thing I said to that, Like we just, you know, we just didn't bring out the best in each other. Not saying that you're bad, not saying I'm good, Right, we just weren't con each other. It says you gotta let your walls down, not your koochie walls, but you know, the walls around your heart, that.
Armor that I was talking about.
Yeah, you got to soften yourself a little bit. So it says when we see something we don't immediately liken ourselves. Our first reaction could be to defend ourselves from it, which is partly why self awareness is so challenging. Try to let go of judgment and the instinctual urge to protect yourself. It says you become self aware through a willingness to let go of defensiveness and yep, and an openness to seeing yourself in a way that is different
from what you have always assumed. Often this means you have to be willing to see yourself in a less than positive lights.
Yeah that's what That's what I was just saying that I went through like I had to be like I'm the ship, but maybe not the shit that I think that I am, And I have the shadow self.
It's dealing with your shadow self, is dealing with your subconscious mind, which really runs you, the shit that you think about in your sleep, the things that you know. It said that we have like seventy thousand thoughts today. I probably got two hundred thousand thoughts today. Bitch, I can't focus on shit because my brain be running, but it's trying to deal with your shadow self. So you can walk around like, oh, I'm just grand grand Grand,
You're not dealing with the worst part of you. I know I can be fucking devilish when I want to, and I embrace that. I can fucking reak havoc or the motherfucker if I need to. I can do that, and that's an aspect of me that I accept. You know what I'm saying, Are you.
Going to do anything to like? No, you want to wreck heav it on people?
No, I don't want to, but I feel like sometimes it might be necessary to protect yourself. Sometimes it might be necessary. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm just this great person, because you know I'm good. But I am not nice, and I know that about myself. You know what I'm saying. I'm always going to do the best by whoever I'm dealing with it in any situation. But I'm not a pushover.
Yeah, but do you feel like nice makes you be a nice person? Makes you a pushover?
I don't want to be perceived as somebody that you could play with. No, I don't, not in this world.
So you think not in this fucking world and a nice person. If you're perceived as nice, you perceive as to be played with.
Yeah. I feel like people who lack self awareness sometimes will do things to people that they may not recognize as being fucked up. I want to be able to tell you, yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, I'm not going to act like it doesn't bother me.
Well, I know some really nice people that will put your head between the washing and druma.
Yeah, so you can't really be good and not be nice, right, you know what I'm saying. But I don't want to be perceived as just this nice person. I want to be perceived as a good person. Yeah, don't play with me. Don't fucking play with me. Keeping your journal. We talked about that and note what triggers positive feelings. One thing people like my mama said, trauma is the buzzword. You know, she sent me this long text message one day and saying this new word, trauma is such a buzzword. Now
it's not a buzzword. It's our generation recognizing that, hey, y'all did y'all best, but maybe sometimes it just wasn't good enough. And we're trying to recognize it, so we could do better by our offspring.
Right, and then, and it will continue to grow and grow and grow. You know, That's just how it works.
Trauma explains your triggers. It doesn't justify him, right. So just because you have this trauma, and I think, and I say this a lot men, right, they want to be able to get a woman that they could be vulnerable with and unpack all their traumas on That is not what your woman is for, you know, the two of you. Yes, y'all should should be able to help each other in whatever situations, whatever mental language you're going through,
y'all should be able to help. But you got to go to therapy, you know what I'm saying, because the therapist is maybe a little bit more equipped to handle the things that you're going through. You can't unpack all your childhood trauma on me and think I'm going to use it to justify your behavior towards me. Oh he does this because of that. Oh I still love him. Noah, you got to work on those things.
Yeah. I mean, I want my man to feel like he can share whatever with me, you know, But I also don't know what to do with all of that I'm trying to figure out my own way exactly, So I agree with you, like you know, we all need therapy for our individual traumas. But I do want you to give me grace. If you know this is why I'm fucked up in this way, but you see me actively work on it. Please give me some grace.
Right because you're gonna it's work in progress, right, and it could be a lifelong commitment. I don't think anybody could ever be one hundred percent self aware and have one hundred percent percent emotional intelligence, right, But every day you gotta be working on it. So now, if you fall off the bandwagon, you know, fifteen percent of the time,
I got grace for you. But if on a daily basis, like you just being this ugly person and I'm supposed to use the fact that you were abused as a child to justify how you treating me who didn't abuse you, I can't fuck with you. You gotta get on out my life. I agree, you know, and the more self aware you become, the less shit you deal with from other people.
But I just think we're all gonna become so self aware that nobody gonna have nobody.
No, because it goes in also to how you treat people. So if you love yourself right and you're self aware, like this thing bothers me, and this person is unwilling to change this thing that bothers me, you might have to step away. It's not about changing people anymore, it's
about changing yourself. So just like I guess we had on last week, FIR this girl as young as hell, twenty four years old, and she realized that she can't change your parents, right, so let me change how I deal with them so we can still remain family.
Right.
That is a lot of self awareness to have at that young age, because it took me a very long time, and I said that last week, it took me a long time to realize, Listen, your parents so who they are. Some people are who they are. Either you're gonna deal with them or you aren't. And all the relationship is is how much you can deal with from somebody else, because everybody comes with their shit, everybody comes with their bullshit. But it's just how much of somebody else that you
can take. And when you can't take it no more, the relationship is over. And that could be your mom and your daddy whoever it is you know what I'm saying? So yeah? Keeping that journal. As you are journaling, pay attention to your day. Ask yourself, how do you feel if there any If there are any negative feelings associated with day, think about what triggers may have caused them to bubble up. For any positive feelings, think about what
may have triggered you to feel happy. While journaling, substitute some screen time with people. Ooh, bitch, we recorded right now. Why are you on your phone?
Girl? I'm sending emails. I'm sorry, I'm listening though.
You see it says the average amount of time we spend alone gazing at our screens now surpass our time in face to face contact. Science tells us that we need reflections to develop our sense of self in reflection to others. As we spend more time alone and on our devices, we miss the essential human mirroring. The symptoms of lack of mirroring are becoming more apparent in our society. Increases in anxiety, lack of empathy, and intense self objectification
as in a self selfie craze. Right, there's a there's a call, if not an angry cry for greater self awareness and reflection.
I agree, especially when you look at these young people who have grown up in the era.
Of social media. They don't give a fuck about nobody.
Oh my gosh, and the social are so bad it's really scary, Like where are those Yeah to me? Yeah, definitely weird as fuck. Hello, listen one thing. Let me tell you something I hate And this might be my auntie starting to show. Don't text me something without greeting me first. Don't text me and be like, you know, I what's the name of that?
Said that to me? But I realized that's what you like because you always say, hey, hey, girl, is something via tax first?
Yes? Always, because look, greet me. Don't ask me eight what's the name of? No, not even nothing, just what's the name of that restaurant you posted on your social media? I'd be like, hello, how you doing, you old bitch?
Because who the fuck is old people do?
What the fuck are you talking to you? If you walked up to me, you wouldn't just ask me a question, you would.
Say hello, hey, how are you? Yeah?
The fuck I don't know?
Did I?
Like my grandma used to say, did I sleep with you last night?
Right? Because you come in and you ain't greet them right period. Yeah, the internet is crazy. Now. I got my Instagram set on a two hour timer. Now what I should be doing in those two hours is like posting content to our social media page. But I don't do it. I fucking scroll for hours and then I asked the phone for fifteen more minutes to fucking scroll some more. It is a problem. I have my hit my shit set on a two hour limit, and every day I hit the ship the discard the timer.
I don't even I didn't even know you could do that. I'll I would put on a show and start to show episode over seventeen times because I'm scrolling. It's bad.
So you know, the social media apps they do give everybody like a dose of dopamine. So that's what we're getting, instant dopamine with Instagram. Especially when you post a picture and people liking it, you're going back to see the notifications who commented. It's fucking weird. And you lack self awareness.
On Facebook, when I like post a picture and I see people love it and then I see a like I'm like, bitch.
The love was right next, are you blind?
The love was right next right.
So they made a consciousness, a conscious decision to only like shit shady. That is shady, bitch, and I see you. Yeah, social media is definitely gonna be the fucking death of us. Man. It is causing people to get way, way, way further away from the fucking truth, from the facts. You know what I'm saying, it's just telling us a bunch of lies. I mean, I'm so fine in person, like I could be super fine on the internet though, if I want to be right.
I was just saying to my friend, like I used to love my regular face before filtering. No, man, now i'd be like, ooh, what filter I'm gonna use instead of just my own face? The shit is crazy.
And that's why I don't post a lot of pictures because I feel like I have a pretty good bit of self awareness, right, and I pride myself on being a real nigga, And if I'm posting images that don't look like me, I don't feel like I'm being a real nigga. Like people literally be like, oh, that is not your face, And it's hard for me to post my regular face when everybody posting a filtered face and everybody looks way more beautiful than me, Like if they're
filtered up because they fucking filtered up. And I don't feel comfortable posting a thousand pictures with a filter on, because bitch, that ain't you. That's not you me, that is not I can't hear you, that is me. You know how people out here with zero self will awareness going and getting their face done to max the filter. That is fucking weird.
Because I but here's the thing, I don't I feel like I'm beautiful in person.
I feel like I look way better in person translate better.
But I think is my or my spirit, my smile, my energy, that everything, all the beauty that you can't see in this picture, you know, So I feel like, I don't know.
Do you feel like iPhone being intentionally making you look ugly? Because I saw, to god, I look real good on android phones.
I don't know. I don't ever touch an android.
Look. I feel like Apple intentionally making people like ugly so they use filters.
My iPhone got a fat mirror on the eye, like they doing something in them settings. I don't think.
So I really feel that way because like I look in the mirror and I know, I know perception is a thing, right, so I perceive myself the look one way when I look in the mirror, Bitch, when I look on an iPhone picture, I'm like, that is not my face? Like, who are y'all playing with? Is it just me? Am I tripping? But anyway, Number six says, ask others how they see you. Gotta be ready for
the responses. Not only should we build out our face to face social actions, but also use a portion of this time to learn about how our loved ones perceive us. Talk to your closest loved ones and be courageous enough to ask them how they perceive you in various situations. Getting perspective on how you behave, or come off in certain situations can help us bring into our awareness something
that was previously invisible to us. Therapy is great for this too, so talking to people and asking them, hey, you know and this well you know I saw a post the other data said. Once I call my best friend and she tells me I'm right, it's over for you. Your best friend cannot always tell you you're right. No, she gotta be objective at somebody.
Sometimes she gotta tell you she you're wrong, like bit you fucked up, or you gotta find like maybe your best friend is just always in your corner. You gotta find that person that you know is gonna tell you either way, you know.
Like, I don't think that's how I was supposed to go. Yeah, but you gotta be also ready for what people tell you. I would like to.
I try to offer one of my very good friends some truth about herself and I, you know, and about me at the same time. You know, like, this is something we're similar on, this is something we both can work on. And she was like, that's not true. And I was like, well, ask our other friends in our group. But when you ask them, I need you to be ready to hear it, you know, and be open minded with it. Baby, that shit, when I all the way left, ain't nobody talking right now?
You gotta started some shit.
I did, but I wasn't. That wasn't the goal. It wasn't It didn't come from a place of argument or angry or it was just trying to encourage some self awareness for both of us.
And she might she might go to the she may she might do this in private, the private self awareness assessment. She might do it in private, but she may not have the depth to actually tell you were right. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like, oh, well, I thought about this, like some people, some people just gotta leave alone. Man, Yeah, honestly some.
People at right, some people.
Are just impossible people. So even if you tried to put yourself in a mix, because everybody can work on things, right, So me not trying to single you out by yourself. I'm like, you know, we both can work on this.
And I recognize it in you because I see it in myself, right, That's how I presented it, you know.
But some people may never have any I mean, they're gonna always forever be a part of that eighty percent. They don't have any self awareness and they don't care to because it's their world and bit you are going to exist in it or not. I can't deal with people like that.
Well, like you said earlier, like sometimes you have to see who people are and adjust so you can deal with them. Like so now I just know that I have to adjust how I move with you.
That's it, short spoon or long spoon number seven says angry at someone take the third person perspective. Ultimately, the benefits of self awareness are to serve not only you in emotional management, but also to serve your relationships. If you catch yourself raising your voice, you may feel justified due to being upset. However, for the person with you,
the second person, the experience will be quite different. Trying to imagine yourself in the person's place will improve self awareness, reduce defensiveness, and quite possibly improve your relationship with that person as well. Third person is particularly effective for people who are overly self critical or who trains to be self destructive. What would you advise if you were a caring friend watching your behavior? That would be taking a
third person perspective. So I'm gonna be honest. So, and I still don't feel like I'm wrong. Y'all know the public argument that we posted, because it was a conscious decision we made to post this argument, and I did take a lot of feedback into consideration. And again, I still don't think I'm wrong because there are some things that the public can't see that may have transpired that
led to that particular moment. That's what I didn't take into consideration, that people would be looking at this one moment. You don't see the build up to this one moment, right, So whatever, But that I rewatched it, and I decided that That's when I decide I'm not arguing with people no more because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to argue with anybody anymore. So I don't feel good when I argue. I literally my blood pressure going up.
I have anxiety. All type of shit be happening. I got a fart, fucking palm sweat, and you know what I'm saying, I don't want to do it anymore. So what can I do different differently? How could I present differently going forward to avoid conflicts? You You're not gonna be able to avoid every conflict, but some things can be resolved without yelling and getting that fucking mad. And you know, part of it is just me shutting the fuck up sometimes just you know what I'm saying to you.
If you like it, I love it. Type shit.
Yeah, I also don't feel wrong, and you know, and I just feel like we have to agree to disagree sometimes just for the sake of just moving forward. You know, sometimes we're not gonna we have different perspectives on things and we're just going to see it differently, you know. And despite what anybody on the outside looking in for this one particular moment says, you know, we have our individual feelings and just respect you know, each other's. That's
that's where I'm at. I try to respect yours and you try to respect mine. We can always work together, and I don't ever want to get better respecting, right, And I think I think since then we've gotten better.
Yeah, because I mean also because I feel like we probably you have to look at the bigger picture and the bigger goal of all things. That that is how you make things better, you know, especially in a business relationship. We just watched one of the biggest podcasts.
Fall out about that and I was like, Lord, don't let that happen.
And I under from the outside looking in, I can see how that happens. I can see how that happens without knowing exactly what transpired. It's hard being in relationships. A lot of people being in a relationship with themselves. That's what this episode is about. Like a lot of people don't have a relationship with themselves. So how are you expecting somebody else to deal with you?
And you can health your relationship with themselves.
You can't even deal with you, And now you're going out in the world and thinking other people supposed to be able to deal with you. Absolutely not so worry about your fucking self. Deal with you. Okay, we got two more on the list and we're gonna close out, But so keep checking in with yourself and a list of your feelings. Clinically, the most effective method for the development of self awareness is a pause and brief checking with oneself. How am I feeling right now? What do
I think might be driving that feeling? This may seem absurdly simple, and in practice it may be quite difficult. Many need to carry a list of possible emotions with them as they begin to exercise. You're just carrying around a list of shit. Or let me check my list because let me see how the fuck I feel right now?
Wait, carry a list of positive emotions you feel about yourself, like I like my hair today, like that?
Or negative like just write them and write their emotions down. Mmm, I don't know. You know, what's a hard question to answer? Like sometimes you don't put some When somebody asks you, are you happy? Is that easy for you to answer?
Oh?
Yeah, just yes, technically, just generally, like I found.
That once I started practicing gratitude, I'm more, you know, I can find a lot of reasons more reasons to be happy than sad, you know. So typically the answer is yes, Now do I get sad, absolutely, you know, But overall I just like it. I'm happy.
I think a lot of people will be surprised that just gratitude will resolve a lot of it.
Really, it really does.
There's a person real close to me, there's a person real close to me in my life right and I I just feel like she doesn't practice gratitude. And this is why you upset. You can't see the goodness and anything in your life. Nothing you do. I don't see nothing positive. You don't have anything to smile about and be happy about. Meanwhile, I see a million trillion things that I don't that i'd be having to deal with
that you don't got to deal with. And you find a reason to be fucking mad every morning when you wake up. You gotta find gratitude.
Just when I wake up in the morning, I'd be waking up.
Like, did I say thank you? I say thank you? Hit the lottery again?
God damn it.
That's how I feel, not about waking up, because I mean, rather I wake up or not. I'm not overly concerned about living a dying at this point in my life, I've.
I'm just every day to wake up again because you know, yet another day. And I think another thing that helped me to practice a new level of gratitude for myself is I have a mess, you know, and each day I wake up with my eyes, my vision able to swallow, my pear working. It's like, yes, I'm winning out here. So it's just hard for me to really really feel like sad.
My niece is twenty five and she has lupis, and God, I wish. I don't want to. I don't want to take the disease on, but I know I'd be able to manage it better than her. I feel sorry for her, but that helps me sure I'm healthy. You know what I'm saying. She's in pain at twenty five years old. Every day. You know what I'm saying, she's taking all of this medicine. I don't have to deal with that.
So even just having be grateful for having good health, absolutely because you don't want to be alive and sick. It's not fun.
Or just look at the Congo, the people in Palestine, the people of Israel, all these reasons why you should be grateful for whatever misfortune you're experiencing right now.
He's eight dollar eggs.
Be grateful that you got access to eight dollar eggs.
You know so, Man, I'm about to start stealing eggs. I ain't a lie.
Well, bring me a breaking them, Bring.
Me a dozen. I want to start stealing eggs. This shit is ridiculous, Like, why are the eggs eight ninety nine?
Bring me a dozen?
Baby? You need it all right? So the last one is keep learning. The journey never ends. While this article helpfully hopefully help help with pointers, there is a strove of excuse me, there is a trove of wonderful material out there that can be of guidance in your ever evolving journey towards self awareness. Read and learn about the psychology and practices of self awareness. Get excited about it. Get excited about getting the knowledge that will help you
learn about yourself. Y'all. This is from actual. This is from nbcnews dot com. This particular article that I read all the different ways to cultivate more self awareness, because that's why people needle. Motherfuckers just walk around here not in control of their own vessel. They're being operated by demons, and you out here hurting people because you're hurt.
Right, That's really what it is.
That's all it is. But I don't know. Man. We live in this some times, but it is definitely a time to be alive. The shit that we are witnessing in this world today is unprecedented. We will be in history books where you want to be at. Do you know who you are?
Yes? I'm Tamla Nicole Bowing, the daughter of Brian Hart and Sarah Hart. And I'm a loving console and I love y'all girl.
A lot people about to put your social Security number in somewhere.
I ain't give them myself. Listen.
They can't do nothing with my ship right now.
I'm not able to help you.
God damn, please do something with my Daren credits. I can blame you student loans and taxes and all type of shit on y'all. Ass I didn't do that. I didn't do none of this is credit cards.
I'm appalled.
It's prove it wasn't me. I don't know, man, this is a shot. That's who I am, Okay. I am here to gain knowledge and share with people to help. That's my purpose on this realm.
I don't know, to help. I think mine is to spread joy, love and goodness all the days of my life.
I guess that's what I want to do. Yeah, I want to spread awareness. I want people to be aware of what the fuck is going on around them and in them. People be walking around here just aimlessly like she's sweet, and it's not. Y'all. We are slowly becoming a third world country. I don't know if y'all see it or not, but it is happening. What we're gonna do barbecue mildew. Anyway, y'all, listen to your best practices. Breathe in, breathe out. Do you journaling, Talk to a
good friend, somebody who's gonna help you. Hold that mirror up. Go take all the week wig off and take your lashes off and all the ship and go stand in the mirror and actually look at yourself.
Go stand in the sun without the week.
Oh shit, bitch, you asking for too much. You have Listen. I just to say how my scalp need some fucking son. I'm gonna do it one day. You go ride bike or two pigtails down the side.
All right, y'all, if you enjoyed this episode, betch that's my part anyway, y'all.
Send us some dumb bitch stories. Y'all act like y'all ain't got nothing going on in life, like y'all so self aware.
And we know y'all be listening cause y'all be commenting in the reviews telling us what y'all don't like. Let's share your share your stories with us. Man.
Anyway, y'all listen. If you enjoyed this episode, tune in, you know, become more self aware and tune in every Thursday your iHeartRadio app wherever the fuck you get your podcast at. This is your co host AJ Holiday. It's two point zero on Instagrams. I did uh take the I Am a J Holiday. Maybe y'all'll go over to that one one day.
Oh you got that one?
I might change up, switch it up on these motherfuckers anyway, what you got going on?
Zam y'all? Once again, I remind y'all that you are loved by me. Every week It's official TA band on Instagram. Y'all follow me and remember to speak now.
And never hold your peace mobile