We Talk Back Replay* | Bring Back Shame

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Networks Talk Talk Talk.

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks back.

What's up, y'all? Thank you for turning that for a new episode of We Talk Fat, a show dedicated to you big back, burly and slim bitches. Okay, this is your co host AJ Holidays Up Tampa.

Everybody in between. She said that because we just got finished talk about this bitch. We ain't gonna tell you all which bitch, but one of them, one of them bitches, girl.

But I want to be one of them bitches in between for the rest of my life. Okay, so that's my goal.

Yes, I've been. I've been on every area of the spectrum. I've been a big back, burly bitch. I've been a skinny bitch and now finally visiting the in between. Kind of my back still kind of linebackery, but it's getting smaller.

I've been a skitty bitch since like two thousand and bitch, when I was living in Columbia. Once upon a time, I had got real slim on them bitches. Even when I lived in Saint Louis. I was slim and healing, and I came back South with all the bullshitsing.

Rice out this movie.

Yeah, when I'm isolated someplace by myself, I be looking my best. It's like, as soon did you start being around motherfuckers.

Social drinking all the time, eating, listen, I'm I think I'm in my I'm in the best shape I've been in in a long time. And I ain't had no dick all year lost, And I think that might be a correlation between the two.

Yes, because now I really do. And you know that sexual energy goes into your creative energy, so you just did a little swap out, and now you're more focused without dick cloud in your brain and dealing with men. I saw Drezy, one of my favorite rappers. She was on Poor Minds and she was saying how she hadn't had sex in two months. And you know, the thing people don't realize is that, like sex is the easy part. It's like really getting to know the motherfucker, really finding

I miss it. I watched this dude on Snapchat and he posts his dick every morning, and I that's my morning affirmation.

That's so you be thinking, be at the gym, spend spend classic with the beat of the song.

I miss it, but it's okay. I'll be fine with out it till I meet me a nice, a proper suitor. That's what I'm waiting on, the proper suitor. Shame and not a moment before let's get in this. Oh wait, your weekend? I do shit?

What did I do this weekend?

It was sinkle day drinko yeah.

Not single to drink sing not. I ain't do nothing. I didn't even go off a single de mayo. I think Saturday was raining real hard. I'd be renegging a lot, man. It was so many different things to do this weekend. Last weekend, I just didn't do anything. This weekend. They had like a little Greek festival, so I might go check that out in the city, but.

I didn't. I went out Friday night I met some friends at a bar for a couple of drinks, but I was home by eleven. I drank so much the weekend before while we was in Atlanta, Like, I feel like I drank Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Then I drink on Tuesday. Then I drink again on Thursday. I was like, I don't care what holiday it is this weekend, I cannot drink another. And then I still drink on Friday a little bit, so I was like, Saturday, Sunday, I'm

I can't do it no more, y'all. I've been buying Costco brand tequila. Tell me had that ship when she came down here.

Yeah, it's good all day. The next sick, I was sick to cut.

Your eyes and smoking to see I gotta choose one. I can't do both ever, okay, and then I always do both. Yeah, you be tripping.

I always do both, but that Costco brand and that nigga hurt.

The next day, Kirkland Costco Kirkland brand. That should be good as hell. You can get the anaijo okay to kill it for thirty dollars. I like it.

It was, I mean with down smooth.

You know a lot of times you just gotta used the back afrough math to drinking. You gotta get that stuff out your body after you finish drinking. So if you don't pass a by movement, it'd be like stuck in you.

Typically, if I eat something greasy and drink a bunch of water before I go to bed, I'll be okay the next day. But if I if I'm eating like how I'm eating now, it's all bad the next day. Life feel like you need to be over.

Y'all mn, just better stop trying to act like y'all young man. Listen, my body does not process alcohol well like I be really fucked up. I'll ruin my whole next day because a three drinks. So my max like nowadays is like two drinks. That's it. That's who drinks. Yeah, that's enough to where the drunk people around me don't annoy me. I'm enough, Like I got enough in my system to deal with somebody else's drunkenness.

That's all you drink when you go out is too drink.

Yeah, I don't. I can't drink too much, man, I can't. I don't be feeling good. We literally poison ourselves.

It's poison, damn just as get out and live a little Wait a minute, hold on before it's a whole big world out there for you to fuck up in.

Hold on before we get into stupid internet news. Did you see how see I didn't realize this that poetic justice coincide with Boys in the Hood. Did you realize that?

I did? I didn't. I felt like it did. It's all some of the same bitches in the same neighborhood, the same it felt It felt the same. It felt like the same and uh.

The character that Regina King plays, she was like, yeah, I'm gonna guess so and so the same niggas from the cookout on Boys in the Hood to beat your ass. That was funny. I did. I didn't realize.

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't realize that. But it felt like the same group of people, right did it?

Not know? It was just one person that was from the other movie, which was Regina King. Everybody else, the characters.

It seemed like the same around the same time, the same neighborhood.

Right. No, No, I never didn't feel like I never made that connection. Until I saw that shit on social media. You learn something new every day.

Yeah, let's get into sis. What happened girl all the show?

Oh that's what I did do this weekend? Okay, wait, just these niggas had me in a choke hold on Instagram and between Instagram, YouTube, the blogs, trying to see who responded, who said what. So let's run through right quick, just the chain of events from this last weekend. Y'all.

She talking about Kendred Lamar and dre Yes.

These niggas, one of them is a nigga appearing.

That shit had me stressed. I was I had to log out of everybody, the whole world. I had to log out. I was like this, I cannot consume much more.

Y'all, we gotta we talked back group chat. Okay, it's us and our producers, and this bitch got out. I had to create a whole separate account, a separate text thread, so you know we can live over there. But one motherfucker accidentally said one extra thing and bitch left the group like I did.

And oh fucking and that's what I said, sim one before it happened. I said, sim war more more motherfucking thing. And see if I don't leave this group by Felipe extent stage left.

What team y'all think, tamy On, I.

Don't have a team.

You got a team.

Listen, listen. You know if I was on the team, it would be Team Drake. But then it got too dark. All of it got too dark, and now I don't. I'm on team j Cole. As much as I love Drake, I'm TMJ Cole. Like pedophilia, child molestation, domestic violence, colorism. It was just too much darkness. It was it was too dark for me. Okay, No, I'm in the gym. I'm on a light plane right now. I feel I have too much endorphins for this.

I yeah, that girl, I dwell with the both. Okay, light and dark over here. That's what self awareness is when I know she can get stupid if needby and otherwise I'm here. Okay, but yeah, Okay, So now this whole shit been going on, Like I know for a fact that there are some things that are not I don't know for a fact. I'm just saying, okay, I'm speculating there has to be more going on behind the scenes than just these songs. Okay, because there was a lot of vitrioll that came out in those last two

The Heart part six was the response.

Yeah, so he basically sold Kendrick Lamar's songs too, because Kendrick Lamar has the Heart one through five, So Drake stole his songside the part So, I just felt like Drake did a lot of a lot of explaining on the part six. Now shit has gotten real because now somebody has shot a security guard in front of Drake's Toronto mansion. Okay, So I didn't feel like she could get like to that type of beef. And I don't

All everybody's porn and feeding this dark energy. They're feeding it, feeding it.

Feed It doesn't feel dark to me though it doesn't. It really doesn't. The thing is is that.

Pedophilia, child molestation, domestic violence that don't feel dark to you.

We live in America where trafficking that stuff has always been an industry in America. But it also needs to be It needs to come to the light. It should no longer be taboo. So somebody is dwelling in that type of darkness, they do need to be ostracized, they do need to be put out on Front Street. I don't think that's something that a real nigga would just say about somebody with no merit. I just don't think so.

I agree, but I don't think music is the way people dancing. And he's a pet of dancing in the club to the song. That's not That's not how it should be brought to the lions.

Actually, you're freaking six six and nine, god, six and god.

It should be more. It's a serious thing where you know you're taking serious action against people who are doing these things. Not these rap battles are just like blogs to be. As far as I'm concerned, this ain't nothing but an episode of Mari. I Actually, I didn't even listen to drake last song. And y'all know how much I love Drake. I'm one of Drake's biggest fans in the world. Okay, and I I left, I left. I didn't even support the last song because it just was none of it made me feel good.

You know, so it was a whole two week guy in between Drake's Drake's song and well Drake's reply to the the lyric one part of future song was a whole two weeks. And then Kendrick Lamar came through like a wrecking ball on last week Monday. Also, you know right before I guess right before, like that came out on what day was that?

Hold on?

On the twenty ninth, The Weekend, which is another name that was dropped through some songs able right, Kendrick Lamar. Actually, Kendrick Lamar didn't drop the Weekend's name. Drake dropped the Weekend's name like this In the Weekend. Also, another Canadian superstar and his coal manager's house was shot up or the security guard was shot at his house on the

I just I just hope don't nobody else get hurt behind this, because these niggas take these songs real serious.

Even if the people singing them aren't. Yeah, like people, A lot of there are a lot of grown adults who don't know the difference between entertainment and and like, this is not reality.

It don't have Yeah until somebody dies though, like that's it and then it listen. I left the group chat because I just was like annoyed with the conversation. I didn't want no more parts of it. When we talked again, Taylor was like, Hey, I want you to know I love you. I'm like, girl, it's not that deep, not bad, but it's people really out there falling out behind.

Shit like this, girl. This works than in the fucking election, like I fell out about my mom about who I voted for, like she might be on Drake's side. This might be something else to be argued about.

A Yeah, that's what I hope. I hope that people are discussing the election like this. Are we gonna get up in arms and and have a timeline for this election, because then we might be all right, child motherfuckers don't care about that.

But everybody beefing. I was looking forward to another response from Kendrick, but I guess he's probably just let it go, like Nigga you explaining.

I remember he was waiting for what I can't do it all on one day. God damn, people need to break. Let's watch the playoffs and then when the playoffs is over, you drop all right, goddamn shame.

So what else we got going on?

Oh?

Girl dog? So this is still a line, so like along the lines of the shit that's going on with Drake and Kendrick Lamar. But DJ Vlad had been posting, and you know, I got some choice words for dj vladd and I really wish black men would stop sitting down with him for real.

Man.

Now after this last thing, like, so there's a a former Princeton University professor commented back to Vlad and told him basically, stay at a black folks business. He just started going in, Like, I'm pretty sure a lot of people was at in him responding to his post or whatever. I'm trying to figure out why you chose this woman in particular to go at her job, to go at her job also, you know what I'm saying, to go after her livelihood. It just seemed kind of weird to me, but expected.

He's tried to do. I'm a do a you on you, That's what he thought he was doing, but it don't work. The same, baby, No, it don't work the same.

That's what racism is, right, because you have the power to actually put stuff, put a machine behind your prejudice. Right, We don't have the power to do that. So you white man who graduated from an Ivy League school probably have you. We are well connected and they have planed you. And I believe in hip hop in the culture. Right, he's there. He don't even be in studio with these people. They literally be talking to him over an iPad or a screen because you know, you always just see their faces.

Because she said that you weren't black and this was in a black affair. You really wanted to take her job, that was what you thought of.

That's and it's because it was Princeton, because if it was Benedict College, he wouldn't give a fuck. But how dare you, black woman be a fucking professor at an ivy League college.

How dare you and then tell me I'm white and this is a black affair.

How dare you?

No, You're not in But he dou double back and was like, I didn't mean it like that. I wasn't gonna do it. I was just talking about.

The damage has already done. And see, that is the same way I feel about how Drake posted those text messages between him him and his mom and called Rick Ross racist. You know what I'm saying. I feel the same exact way, like, who are you signaling when you do that?

Cool?

We don't want to hear your same nigga no more? Anyway. I feel like he can say it whatever, girl, let him say why he hit that ass?

Okay, yep, y'all.

Did you see that tom Brady roase the Netflix? Tom Brady rose what I.

Had to watch? First of all, that shit was about seventeen hours long. I don't know why it was so fucking long. I had to watch it in three parts. But that shit was fun.

I enjoy every bit of.

Tom Brady looks so uncomfortable with half of them jokes, and he's just kind of grinn and Berry are kind of grinded because his face so tight. Don't he look like kind of like the America?

It's like, yes, he fine, Now he's a nice looking man, but I'm pretty sure he's gotten botox.

Oh yeah, and filler and all that he better.

Not play with his fucking wife. Man, she a whole witch. He even said it before. And this is what.

Yes, well they're getting a divorce. They divorced the divorce, you said his wife.

Well, I did say x. I said, Oh, anyway, he better not play with his ex wife because then people played with her all night and she didn't appreciate it either.

I would have been mad as hell if I was Jazell. He said. Somebody said, you put the jis in Gazel.

Listen, I'm off for jokes, and actually like those that type of joke like Jones in off each of people like, that's my favorite type of comedy.

Real me too.

You know what I'm saying, because bitch, I got an hour worth of stand up from trying to play with me. Okay, when you chunky with a Jerry Curl in elementary school, you better have fucking jokes, bitch, because after you talk about this juice, bitch, I'm coming for your crackhead ass mama next period. I always had jokes.

Like so it's funny and if people like I don't think I'm the type of person who could be roasted like that. Like be the person who everybody came out to roast. I know it's done in love, but I'd be ready to fight.

I think it's a whole ritual, y'all know. I go, yeah, I don't think it's not normal to have someone centered in that way and then spew all these ridicules at them. That's what it is in a joking manner. It's not funny. Like it's funny, but it's not funny because it's like you're really telling this person's business in front of a room of people plus the whole world. It's humiliating. It's very humiliating.

Yeah. Yeah, I would have been like, motherfucker, you went too far that time and be fighting.

She like, you know how your mama jokes turn into hands.

Yeah yeah, absolutely, bitch.

I'm catching somebody in the parking lot after the.

Netflix special, after durn that shit gonna turn to w W I Will Smith on me, Will Smith walking up on the stage, keep my damn your fucking mouth. Just laugh a bitch real quick.

Ah.

That's why they don't have that many of them because people, you know, people don't want to participate.

In kim K. They got on kim K two mm hmm.

You got your ass up on that stage. You were you you had to be open to it.

She didn't look comfortable with the jokes that was coming back at her at all. And you got to know all of its scripted. You know what I'm saying. All that shit is fucking scripted because some of the people aren't comedians, like Kim Kardashians is not a comedian.

Yeaes, somebody wrote that for her.

Yeah, and then the responses that Tom Brady had, He's not a comedian, okay, him talking about Kanye and the kids be home at home with Kanye and all this ship. That's this all fucking scripted, like who Like, it's just weird to me. I don'tould. I would never want to participate in some ship like that because bitch, I might shoot that whole thing up.

Me too, pratt.

For real.

I'd be giggling at first and then and then it's up. Yeah, I can't, bitch, get the sweat up there and swear, oh hell no, she's mad saision.

My skin is rice paper, Okay for that ship who he's talking to mad as hell?

First joke out say something about my thing is just bitch, I'm about to turn this little funk out like anybody would fucking do a joke LOLd session with me.

Just call me fat, you win, bitch, you win. I run out crying, for real, I'm that sensitive about my fucking weight.

Bitch, you know what you win. I don't even want to.

I just call me fat, you fucking win. All right, So y'all, this week we're in Atlanta. Okay, and we did collapse with one of our label mates. Okay, No Ceilings podcast hosted buy Glasses Malone and Peter rose Gold Bass. Okay, y'all stay tuned. We got Rose Gold, Pete and Glasses Malone. We talked back this week, y'all. What's up.

We're in Atlanta. But y'all are good.

Like I listen to a lot more critical.

It takes a while for me to say shit, so when I say it, I mean it, so it might not be received and we're not getting.

These targatures problem when we're talking about.

Every last we had sponsors. We lost all our sponsors the first show.

The first show, nobody paying attention to what the fuck we're talking about on this show because we still got sponsors. So it was podcasting need sponsors Man, there's a lot of people not really making no type of checks in podcast, and you need shame.

No, I see that's my problem, have nothing like I have some in real life. But because I am me publicly out in front of everybody, I don't really have shame to the same capacity. Like I'm more shamed ashamed of myself. Like I was telling J like, I'm a shame that I know better and I don't do better. That's a real shame. But I actually admit that I know better and I don't do better.

Right, And once you say it out loud, it's no longer something to be ashamed of.

Well, I'm still gonna be ashamed, right, because.

Then yeah, there's in turn.

And then it's public shame or other people shaming, right, other people shaming you. So once you say the thing and you know that you can do better, I can see why you would still be ashamed, because, like I said, I'd be wanting to get up earlier, but my body won't let me. I like to be awake when everybody else sleep. I think better and I know that about myself, So that's just a level of self awareness. I'm asleep, I'm gonna make some T shirts that say I love it, lay down shit.

I didn't think.

I like, now, I keep thinking about your grandma and I heard.

How many episodes are gonna drag this lady.

I don't know why you brought it up.

I can across the coming up.

Somebody hit me on Twitter was like that, why would you let Pete talk about his grandmother like that?

I'm like, bro, how many times.

Do you hear? Why do you let Pete blank?

Like?

I feel like that's a term, that's a phrase that I have heard come up at least a dozen times.

Probably true because I have to remind other black people that you're white. I think people hear you talk and like, don't get me wrong, you have a very sophisticated tone. You could tell you know your ship, but you have a little soul. So people think maybe you're life skinned.

I'm like, no, cuzin that's power, isn't it?

Like for.

Bro, So it's like it's intellectual Tommy, and he's going to tell you.

How to call me that the strip club is crazy.

At Stars, there was like half a dozen of them. Girls used to always call me Tommy and I had never seen the show. I don't know what the fun they were talking about for years, like three years my name is talking about.

I'm like, no one else comes in here looks like me. They're like, it's not a guy who comes.

In here strippers.

Mind you the strip club. He's talking about, only black people. This is an So if y'all been to l A like, so there's a couple of black suburbs, like Carson is a black suburb, Guardiana is a.

Black Black people live there. I never knew.

Yes, there's people.

The strip luff he's talking about is in the black suburb.

They closed it down, but it was everybody, so it's not it was everybody's spot man.

But he would be one of the only few people that look like them there. It's gonna be very few people that look like Pete that ever go there.

That might also be true.

That's why they call you time because think about if you from where we're from, like you don't see that many white people. It's either postman, the male man, the police, uh, somebody serving us a poena uh white and.

Pete shame.

And Pete has not that would make no sellings, have no shame.

But my life is defined by just an absolute, just personal and and and public public shame.

Absolutely, yeah, yeah, we all do.

So, y'all know I like definitions. Okay, let's be the definition of shame. Okay. So shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. She was hot with shame.

Yeah, like.

A painful feeling of humiliation. So then if you're amiliated, that would have to be public shame because things that you do in private you wouldn't necessarily be humiliating.

That's not true because after I finished, and I'm like, I'm disgusting, so shameful, disgusting, it's shame.

They go ahead and hand is there? Pain great?

But I'm like, you look at yourself in the mirror.

You'll be like, you nasty girl.

Cut that off as soon as you come you come to your senses, like pushing it away, push.

Your laptop away.

Now, I gotta hide my vibrate.

To the girl's place and have for to my place.

You got to get it there to get yourself out of somewhere and get someone else out of your place.

This is true.

Absolutely. You couldn't just say what you're doing.

Tomorrow go too long?

That used to be my prime go too long? What you about to do? I feel so bad?

That's so mean.

You know what?

I changed as I.

Got older, Like right when I finally hit my thirties, I start realizing like that I really want to sleep with the girl. So personally I used to just like get in the shower right, I would rub one out and then if I still wanted to call her, then I would call her.

That pretty much fixed ninety five percent of the problem.

Yeah, absolutely, that's why I always uh, I always had this campaign when vibrators were ran by batteries. Now you can charge and sh up with the cell phone, but them triple double A batteries save your life. Like once you just get one out right quick, you ain't about to do no dumb bit shit Like you're not calling him over.

You stop exchanging with people that's not worth.

It exactly just like your laptop. Yeah, you're just tripping like the chemical and balanced it is fucked up right now?

Might something bad about it? Might not be be like what ain't that bad? And then you rub when even this is why the fuck is the scum of the earth. I can't believe feel him but that But no, if you really think about it. Now back to that point with Diddy, Like so when they talk about because parties,

Yeah, because they don't call alcohol for one spirits for no reason. Right, you live in your body open and people want to but people want to get into that frequency. That's why they do the drugs. So is it the drugs or does the shame come before or after?

Like, because I think it allows you to be free and who you already are I.

Feel exactly, So that is already an element of who you are. Once you take the drug, you don't give a fuck who knows anymore? Or are you just trying to limit it to the little bit of people you lit in that room?

So are you the person you are when you hire or are you the person you're.

I'm the same person every day online offline on drugs.

I could.

Even when I'm high, because I be freestyling when I get high. Yeah, I turned into a rapper. Instrumentals give them to me. But when I'm not high, I don't want to do that.

I ain't got no bars.

I know, for I thought we was kindred spirit. I could tell that like straightforward and it's like it's honest. It ain't about like one up in people. But I think that's because I walk out every day as myself exactly.

And I think in this world now it's like not cool to be yourself. And I mean when I say.

Be your no social currency being yourself, yes.

It's nothing social. People have a problem with you being yourself. So that's why why I feel like so shame is necessary and then it's not necessary at the same time, like I don't want to publicly shame people for however it is that they present. I can be very judgmental, but.

I don't want the difference.

I feel shame publicly shame in somebody, Like when I see people calm, it's like, bitch, did you brush your teeth before your publicly trying to shame this person? Like your comment makes you look crazier than the person you're comment and on. You see what I'm saying.

But social media gave everybody in their mind a voice. Really, they had a voice tell people shoul shut the fuck up.

Well.

The difference in social media is when you have a voice, Like in real life, if you say the wrong thing to somebody, it comes with like my man Pete favorite word, consequence. Social media doesn't come with any consequence. You can see people get mad when social media starts to come with consequence. They start getting upset. They could they banned my account. It's like, bro, you can't just say anything might come a consequence.

And it's an inverse power hierarchy.

The more powerful you are on social media, more vulnerable you are because you have a million followers and a big footprint and a lot to lose than five hundred nobodies who do nothing and don't matter in any way, shape or form. They'll be what brings you down, but you can't bring them down the same way because they're irrelevant, don't exist.

And the more power you have, the less shame you have. I think also, you do more of the ship you want to do, and you don't give a fuck private right.

Privately, but publicly. We just talked about I've argued, I've argued with people, but but it's different when you're the villain. Like that's how I feel like right, being a crip allows me to be the villain. So like, I'll say, what the funk I want.

To say from you.

That's why I say if like I look at I saw Gez that's crazy. I saw Gez on social media defending himself because they said he slapped his wife. And I'm thinking to myself, why the funk would you defire you fucking young Jez if you slapped your wife, Ain't nobody gonna say nothing, like you knew this nigga with some bullshit.

Yeah, but he actually put in the caption and y'all know me, Actually, Nigga, I didn't.

Expect say that.

I didn't expect him to marry an Asian woman.

Is that so now if you slapped it, I'm not surprised. On Jeez, that nigga crazy.

I don't say nothing to that's a lyric.

I don't see.

I see that's a character, mimer.

We know the rappers being character.

That's real.

Understand you think GZ is really about that life for real?

I should That's not the question.

Do you think you about that life, and especially once you get to a certain level, like you ain't about to crash out because niggas expecting crash out.

Slapping old lady is crashing out.

If you young zan in relationship just happened, I might set your ass one.

Day, Like what if she nigga slapped her?

If you can't understand, like, who the fun would?

I can't live in one If you slap this woman because your coffee was cold, you are a savage. You are a horrible human being. You missed her from color purple? Right, But if she said, what does she call you a nigger with the heart?

Yeah?

Nigger and you I shouldn't have fucked with you, then it's a problem.

I don't think she was saying it's not about him. I don't think that he did that to her because she's not the one who filed for a divorce. All of this now is coming up because he's trying to leave your ass, and you are publicly shamed because bitch, I had never been left, So now you're getting left by a man publicly or a baby. So she's pulling all types of shit out her ass. At this point, as far as I'm concerned.

You wanted this black culture, baby, you got it, have a baby, be a single parent.

He's playing this wrong, like, you're young, fucking j z Bro. You used to sell drugs all the time. Your biggest fear should not be you slapped your ex wife, like, oh he's abusive. It's young jasus. You know what you're getting if you come fuck girls, be pleasantly surprised when they're there for me, because they already had me figured out.

To kick their ass. And I'm like, I want to explain to you what's wrong.

I don't never expect anybody to put their hands in because if you see me with that bag of any sort, your hands on me.

I'm saying, people expect that of me.

So then when I like that, your energy does not say not at all.

But that's not what people think of crips.

Oh oh yeah.

And people know that I'm genuinely a crip, so they like, this is expected. So when I come to them with amicable resolutions, they be disappointed.

So you think you'd be attracting women that wants to guaranteed, Yo, he don't love me if he didn't heed me that kind of girl.

Yeah, because they don't. That's how most men on drugs communicate. All my homies have to fight them nigga smoke weed, smoke shine, blah blah, and then you know nobody else.

You can't communicate effectively, you know what I'm saying. This is why people doing that.

So then they communicate the way they communicate, which I'm I honored a request because you know I'm such a so you gentlemen. No not, I'm saying I will fight my friends now for a girl telling me the slapper, Like, that's just weird.

Slap me, what about sextually?

That's weird. That's weird. Like you know, slap you on your ass is one thing. But I met girls who wanted me.

To slap them in the face or choke them, And I'm like, look at my hands, man.

If I choke you, well, just enough food?

What's just enough? When you're.

No?

So yeah, Like, but that's back to that same thing which one of us, I don't.

Something you remember that you said.

Too much?

Like no, so so Jiz. I feel like Jez is dealing with that wrong. But that's also because he's catering to a different audience, and that brought shame to that audience for him, Like people like, oh, you was.

Abusing, It don't matter.

They already call you an abusing My nigga used to call you a drug dinner you.

I just I have a problem with her if she's you can't just say ship like that about a black man. That shit ain't cool. And this is why you need to stay your ass in the house, not even like just have more discernment. You know what I'm saying. I feel like like I'm the type of person I want to knock all this shit over with my forearm and start anew. I don't want proximity to close to certain people.

They what do you have it?

They are willing to do the things that Diddy did to get a billion dollars. They are willing to do that. They already know who they're going to kill in a family, all type of shit. I feel like this is what I feel like. They already know they are the sacrifice for the check.

I'm sure. I mean, Diddy is actually God damn it.

Listen, we gotta get back to shame.

Let's get away. Let's get back to shame, you guys.

But it's all, it's all incoming. It's all.

Because y'all disagree with what I just Askedould I feel shame because I don't.

I meant what I said, supplant the word shame in the English style.

I mean, I felt so Diddy, that's crazy.

This is what we do.

Publicly publicly shamed Gucci Man right now for his new song, and he used like the the Biggie and and Diddy little Woman. They went the baptub with the bubble and all the women around like that's his album covers him and and a couple other bitches in the in the Yeah. So now they're pubably publicly trying to shame Gucci for using that imagery because of what Diddy is now going through.

But Diddy is not going through anything.

He looked like he look slim.

Look that's because that's because he's having an issue because he was the hero. See that's the thing, Like if he was the hero, I always tell see the same thing, Charliae Mane. Don't become the hero. Be the anti hero. At best, be the anti like, be the villain. Blacker Puff was the hero the whole time. He was the shining white knight for white people the whole time.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

I mean like he was sugar or Diddy.

Sugar fucking looked like Satan to the white fol They were like, oh, he's making us pay them the money that we owe him. He's the evil man. And yeah, how that is hero that screams hero.

But it wasn't. I didn't see.

You mean palatable, the delectable, palatable negro.

It's all listen, no black person is really hero in them. It's America.

Come on, oh j he's safe though he was safe for.

Them, OJ Puff. You know what I'm saying, They like, look at the alternatives.

OJ was not a hero in American and I think mad and black America's but not in America.

OJ you young, No, no, I'm very grown.

No you young, you think.

OJ was a hero, oj okay prior for black people.

But what is for black pople. You know, people be so mad trying to shame him for saying that he's not black. It's subjective.

No, no, yes, it is. That's the fact he's black.

They're like, pull over, get your black ass out of the car.

Exactly, you're not talking to me.

He's talking to y'all.

Jim Brown or OJ the way O J is arrested with he proved that he was not black. They followed him at about thirteen miles per hour, driving eighty miles.

He came in.

They didn't arrest him. He walked in. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and see you need any more time and talk to his We're gonna have to ask you to come here, make a couple of calls, talk.

To your mom.

That was like, wait, after all that.

It was it was.

It wasn't even it was an escort to.

The escorting him.

They were just the police just happened to have somehow fund around and got.

Behind the glove. It must have quit.

You had sugar night puff. That was the pantheon of blackness when it came to white eyes.

Jim Brown, O J. Simpson.

So it's like, you know, yeah, like they chose him. They chose Puff, he was the hero. So all the stuff that we heard about, they didn't hear about it. Now, some of them white folks knew about it, but we heard about Puffer. All black people coming up in our era of the nineties, we heard about.

Puff Puff parties.

Probably Puffy got the they got the pink cocaine, they got all the drugs. You go to puff party, all the girls and it's popping it.

You.

We heard white people didn't hear that. Only the white people that went to the parties that knew it. But the average white kid thought of Puff as the hero or Oj as a hero. That's why they be so disappointed in these moments. And then that shame sets in.

Mm hmm.

Gots to be more careful.

Then that shame sets in.

I'm not I don't have shame, So this I have shame. Any shame I do have, Okay, So shame is when nobody. Shame is when people know about your little things that you do. That's when the shame comes in. Do I have like personal shame? Not for real? It'll be some shit like what Glasses said, Like bitch, you know to get up and go to the gym and do all the things.

Do you have.

Anything that you've ever done that you know, if people knew, you might feel shame.

But once I say it out loud some girl, it's no longer like, yeah, there's some girls that you.

Knocked down, like some girls if you said things that you do some girls, Yeah, I'm everybody.

First, Yeah, you have shame.

So that's I talked about my crackhead first on an episode, like he's a crackhead. Now I feel shamed, But I had no business even then like he might have been. Yes, And then when I was a teenager, I got pregnant for this guy. I am a shame. That is one thing I am ashamed of. I would never like show somebody this person that I lit sweat on me one time in life. Dog, I'm like thirty five years old at the time. Now I'm in front of my mom's house coming from out of town. I hadn't seen this

Let me hold.

My heart dropped, let me get what you what you got going? I gotta get your phone out. I'm like, no, I have a family plan. Now I'm talking real boogie and him like, nigga, you don't know me, okay, like I had that. You don't got no kids? No, I don't have any kids. You got kids? No lying because my mom my sister told me she saw you in county jail, like for child support, but just looking like thing or it. Let him hit and body.

At eleven fifty nine on New Year's eave all my body's getting raised for the years.

Unless that nigga die, he's still there. So now that's why you gotta had at M for h money.

Man.

You gotta get these niggas out here, because you know, at some point we might get like you know, super super duper stars. It is going to be somebody that comes out the woodwork.

And that's how we really do it. Though I ain't gonna lie, that's how we really do it.

Remember, they wait until they see you.

With your when you pop it, Yeah, you sure with something you're like, yeah, that was me. That's that's why, like when you date a girl, you feel me like you she don't realize everything she did in the past. You inherit because if it's the wrong type of dude, he gonna let especially if it's on your status. Like one thing I've always tried to do is never be

Him, That's why I like to see people exes. I like to know, like the type of women you like. I don't like men who got a bunch of different types.

I like.

I like somebody who has like preference, you know what I'm saying.

I got nurses, oscar winners, aesthetic. Like literally, I have made it my business to explore the pantheon of women's beauty.

I'm talking about.

As short as five two or five to one, it's tall as six foot.

Three, But do you have a preference within.

It don't matter. That's scary to me when you don't.

Care when you're young, right, you don't because really you looking for one thing specifically when you first meet somebody. Right, then as you get older, that one thing obviously stopped being the most important thing, and then everything else start mattering.

You're around us.

I'm around a little Wayne. The quarter three is out, I'm picking you know what I'm saying.

We up.

So it's just like.

Sleep because that's really.

What else I want them to do, Like you know what I mean, who do I want to sleep with? So at that point, I don't have a type, Like it'll just look.

Crazy and that's what I.

Have more.

Of a type.

But there's like there's spectrum to that, you know, so it and like I get what he's saying and what he's not saying. So like at this point in time, your type is a certain type of personality compatibility.

You can't necessarily call that from across the street. So it's more on the soft value.

It's he actually values more of what women say they wish men valued.

Not all women. So I mean it depends.

Like.

So there's still a type, it's just not an aesthetic.

It's already I didn't have a type like.

Forever your personality profile because I feel like there's only there's only like I want to say, like five different profiles of five different characteristics, and you can find that find that same characteristic and multiple people. So people aren't like you on your show. People aren't really that unique. So what is that thing that that those five things that you look for that it has to be something that attracts you to these different people and not well you want anybody juice on you.

Like I didn't think of it like that at that time. I didn't have We don't value ourselves. We can't make a baby.

I always say men, men just all should value.

Y'allselves because y'all can, like you, like God, you can make a child. You bring a child into the universe.

That's crazy. So how y'all get push you away is absolutely.

Absurd, Like you literally can carry on a niggas line like, that's the decision you make it with this ship is ship.

We're like, we're just the world.

Wait, so do men have less shame? Of course?

Absolutely?

Why do y'all get to be shameless? Why do y'all of the earth and.

Everybody else consequences?

That's exactly what it is. Exactly, that's what it is.

Listen. I remember growing up thinking, because like a girl with a big ass booty with something right, and then you get your world rocked by a skinny ass piece of plywood. You can't judge this ship. You got to just go with the flow and see who fuck with you? See how y'all interact, and then you build from there.

So that's how you pick your person.

Now, well it depends like right next to me? Is that how Like?

I don't really I don't really even even at all time, I don't really entertain that way. I'm not really looking. I haven't looked in twelve years. I don't look like. We'll just interact and then if the interact has like something there, then well you know, we'll see where it goes. Then I'm not I've been so passed just finding something like to sleep with. Like, now it's just do we interact or not? Then we'll see where it go.

You sound like an adult brown as nigga. Like what because before it.

Was just about sex, is what you're saying?

You really want men who are emotionally intelligent?

I do.

I don't think a lot of men. I don't think a lot of women are even ready for that ship.

You do not want a nigga comany by his feelings all the time? I do know you don't. You just think that you want to.

Be Like who was that question?

Do you do you want a guy come and see with his feelings all the time or whatever, because it's an alibi for your emotional instability instead.

Of God, wait a minute, wait a minute.

No, I just want him to feel like it's a safe space to share his feelings with me.

You don't think that's personally empowering for you to make you feel like you have more saying control.

I'm not trying to control him. I just want to watch share. This is my partner. I want him to feel like he can say anything to me, especially how he feels when you Because black men especially don't get an outlet for their feelings, especially with other black men. Where are you taking your feelings? You take it to me? I'm your safe No.

I'm not your therapist.

You see, that's I'm not saying I want to be.

That's the problem because if you start, if he starts telling you what's wrong with him, you're a therapist.

And if you start fixing them trying to find.

You heard with Shaq said, don't tell a woman you're feeling because she's gonna bring it up.

No, that's mean people, And that's what Tammy is getting at. I hate when and I say this a lot because I fucking mean it. Mean people use your vulnerabilities against you. It's not so thing that's exclusive to women, because I have never, ever, ever, ever been with a man who did not call me a bad head, fat bitch when we got in an argument.

Woman, I don't.

I don't say the worship to win the argument because I want you to love me. Lad you know what I'm saying. Like when I say the worst ship, I mean that ship, dog, I don't.

When I'm working on this is why you know. This is why you don't tell you because you're waiting.

I used to be that way. I'm working on it now. Where I will say the worst thing, but I did.

Your woman cannot be a therapist. Dog were not, like everybody is not. I feel like I could be a therapist, right. I give a lot of good advice, and I may not always take my own right, But mentioned not get into the habit of unpacking all the ship onto and then wanting her to use those things that he's told her to justify bad behavior. Okay, that's fair that the ship gets to be kind of fucked up sometimes, like, oh,

I had a slut grandmother.

I make that profanity.

You get it, okay, And you don't want to end up with somebody like that.

Is talking about.

If I don't get affected by a single.

What about double its like great grandma and.

I My brain's only like if I have like a large enough sample size, that would be like for you know, state presidential polling, you know in a small state, like they'll they'll, they'll they'll determine that Biden's trailing Trump by five about twelve people.

So you're working off twelve month replays. I'm only twelve months.

I just like if I can observe enough data in the aggregate to go, okay, that's happening. That's my critical mass point. I don't take anything that just happens personally.

What's the point in having a partner if they can't come to you with their feelings? What is the point?

But I can't always I can't.

What is the point if my partner is feeling all these things and he's holding it in because he feels like I'm gonna use it against him later, or he just feels.

Like, what are you gonna do it?

What am I going to do about him not coming to me with my feelings?

So he's got all these issues and Coach tells you about.

I don't know. Maybe I could just be nurturing to him in that moment if that's what he's mama, which is really what you're Black men need nurturing, You don't feel that's the truth.

Yeah, So so you want to be somebody mama, then that's really what I love.

Is I want to be I don't want to be his mom, but I want to be a safe space.

And because I don't feel like becau because dog, and I do love and I have a love that is unconditional for him. This is somebody I'm back with now after many years, right.

And I do have the same guy from the car story earlier.

No, but I don't like sho.

He has unconditional love for me though, because through conversation, Like through conversing and now I'll say like, well, what if I did what you did, I'm the fuck up out of here. You don't have unconditional love for me. It's different where do When do women get unconditional love? When do I get the grades that.

We Because you don't have to do anything women.

Men are producers. Women are consumers.

You don't have to do anything.

I feel like men consume us. They eat us alive. You have to give a man your soul to prove to him that you are the one. Men are predators. Men are the consumers. Y'all suck the energy and life out of women. That's why single bitches and live longer.

Babies. Really, y y'all don't take when y'all leave, y'all don't take the babies with y'all.

Y'all got no shame, y'all just be round here for that because men have families, women have children.

Who makes families?

It comes out of you first, you know what I'm saying, We have families. You guys have children?

What the do I just saw an African man say he said he got six baby mamas. He said three. No, excuse me, he has six kids, three women and two of them two of them something like. However, he was telling how this one has two kids, so she should be good, she shouldn't stress. This one has one kid.

True, we can't have children.

What do you mean you can't have children?

Know y'all, No, y'all can't.

You can't. You can't bear a child.

From your body, So then therefore we can't have children. You can give us that's just semantics. Actually, the fact, what do you mean you have.

A lot of the probably uterus at the same time.

We can't have children.

You can't physically have youth, have children, birth children, But you can have children.

They can be my child it could be my seed, it could be myself.

You have children, and then we got kids. If you make one with me, that's the goal, then now we have a family. They really do these words at that point it's not.

Words are important, his words you Thats why, that's why you have to be that much more serious about the decisions you make the words. Right, we cannot have children, Yes we can. You can have a children, We can have a family. That child can be my family. We can be a family. That's why she just said it a second ago.

Like me, you if we had kids, me, you could never be family. You are related to them churns. So when you leave, take them with you.

But we are family at that point, not really.

The child shows up, you can't exactly.

Yeah, that's true.

So that's why the power you you and you'll have.

Your package deliver. You can see your daddy house if you.

Can find him, mama, your mom, what he can find.

Guess what the baby gonna find your ass. The lady gonna come hand that off a right to you.

But are you hand it to me?

Do you think that's okay? Though?

It's nature, it's not about what we like to have or to create a false sense of balance because it ain't really real.

Right.

You think I man should just be with the children and mention be around.

No, No, I think that you should really decide who the fuck you have a child for. I think you gotta stop acting like we can do the exact same thing and find some shame in who you're giving because this is a serious decision.

It's not as serious for me, but it should be, though. It should be as serious for men who they give them by their body to you, living your body open to all type of you. You're trying to figure out why you're not as successful as you think you should be. It's because of the lousy bitches that you're allowing to have access to you, not you and pretending I'm just talking about men.

Period.

You want some inspiration, go to the fucking strip club Roads Gold and those bitches is in there getting money Tomorrow. All of a sudden, your money multiplied because you got this energy of the holes.

I totally understand what I'm saying. Ended with that, you go to the.

Strip club, you gonta be Richard tomorrow because the hoes got money, the hose got that hustling frequency.

The hustless strippers I've known personally, I've never met one that didn't make up seven undred dollars a night, and I never met one that had any money.

These bitches in Atlanta got that bag.

Okay, they still got to depend on some nigga still, I think.

Could sometimes they be getting pimped somebody else managing.

The truth is you, guys, body is worth much more than our body in the grand scale of having children, which is the ultimate purpose of sex and the greatest you know reward of it all your legacy being carried on, your DNA spread it. So if we make the same decisions based off of the fact that we have equal plant were not equal in this.

I agree. And you know when you were in our show before, like we I look at comments and stuff and oh, don't have him back on. I don't like you know why, because women don't like being ashamed. We don't like being told.

What to do her accountability.

I don't want to see.

Account Every time I hear that word, it hurts.

But we don't like being reprimanded. We think we are above reproach. And I tell Tammy this all the time. We leave relationships right without seeing the part we played in the I feel like, especially a marriage, it's not winning. Like you know what I'm saying. The voce is like you lost, y'all lost something.

I am the greatest advocate of women, especially Black women today in the podcast space as a man. Right. I remember I did man in the show, right, and the women was mad because I told them you should have hold pussy till you get married. That made me the villain of the show. And that's not that's whack to me, right because and it's like everybody else is catering to your sense of you know again, you already don't have no consequence the concept until you have a child. See

I did my part.

Nigga is ten months for you and I don't got to do one thing, and you should make decisions knowing that that's.

The truth, so yourself.

For me, I feel you know what I'm saying, But I'm telling you something that no nigga gonna tell you like you probably should not be giving a pussy away as easy. We just don't have those consequences in that regard.

It's not in that regard, and that's why you need more wise men and daddy's and uncles.

I want to go back to something that you said. Though you said you didn't know strippers, they would make a lot of money, but they still didn't. That's part of the fins. They probably were telling you that they like, why would I ever have.

I never.

And I've known them when I've had ones of her friends, I've lived with them.

You know he's not lying.

This is not bullshit. They don't have anything.

There's no witch process.

They off money like you couldn't believe.

Like drug dealers. You know, I always this would make jokes about drugs. Does they would always have the same not They always had a bunch of money, right, but we don't know how old ak not of money is like how have you recycled or you just carrying around the same Not for them, it's your bank account, you got in your bucket. They really don't be having a whole bunch of money because they spend it that business.

They spend it making right to save money, Like, you still got to do good business even as a d boy. Like some of my homeboys that's hell and successful. That was hustling, million dollar dudes they were. They could have ran businesses. Now, that don't mean they could take the mind and then make it work somewhere else because they're not as informed in those specific keys.

You know, all of that shit.

But like the homies, most people, she right, most of my homies that sell drugs, like none of us.

Most money. I've had cent of drugs about.

Ninety seven thousand dollars and and that kind of money because it doesn't have proper gateways. It's basically just plastic gift cards. It's it's retail only money. It's not it's not a tool. It's not the tool the capital is made to be. It's just simply transient gift card cash.

So he's not tripping when he's saying, like I have met a lot of strippers. I never met a risk stripper, and I knew strippers. I was making good money, but I never met the one that had no money. I mean they might have had a band, they might have had a little apartment, they might have asked some bag but they ain't never had no money.

The only time that they get money is when they transitioned out to being RNs, and some of them.

Don't make it there. They'd be in CNA.

Because money is not just like that's his point. I think too, that's dope. I never thought about that.

Money is not just the currency on your end, right, It's the way americuld treat you. It's the way you position a dollar itself. It's the way you could leverage the dollar for more. And when you in a dope game, you can't.

I didn't even need to ask if you read a Scandal of Money yet I know you haven't.

Right, exactly what.

Is it talking about. It's a book about the creation of the system.

No, it's about the theory of what money actually is. A currency, it's a it's a measuring stick.

It's a metric.

It's not it's not representative of wealth. It's a measurement of wealth and value. It's a definition of value. Is where money's gone wrong? Where baseless currencies and floating currencies, all that kind of stuff. It's just a myth that kind of stuff.

No, it's it's a ruler. It's a tool like anything else.

When bigcoin came out, I just could not wrap my mind around what the fuck it was like. At one point dollar, the dollar had gold or silver to back it, right, So bitcoin is just an idea and people put value to it.

The dollar is an idea now because it's no longer backed by gold and silver, so now we are giving it the value it has. That's why I'm pissed about my fucking stocks today, and I've been nervous all this time.

Remember the money, the money that we even use now, right, Abraham Lincoln started putting that money.

It wasn't green bags like it's it's it's some ship. It's some ship.

And yeah, so having that paper.

That simultaneously when you're in bad city of economy, when everything is going up at the same time, that means the measuring sticks going down exactly.

You shouldn't have.

Tech stocks, energy stocks, real estate, gold bonds, everything, everything is going up against the dollar.

So yeah, strip that's why strippers really dealing shame. Whether you know it or not, they really still be trying to find somebody rich. Risk people don't try to find somebody rich, they just find.

Somebody that's true.

Yeah, m hmm, unless you're white, white rich people.

White show to find other white rich people so they can get richer.

I think we should.

All women would not get chos at all.

If women got choles all their monetary value, it would be bad if me and got chols.

That's why you just lies. Like my homegirl yesterday, she said a guy, this guy she was talking to, told her, you know, I thought yesterday I thought about something. I don't know nothing about your past. And she was very offended by that, Like why you need to know anything about my past? Like what are you now? Like are you inquiring about me around town now or something like that?

I'm crying, Like.

You ask your niggas about her now?

We need a credit check?

Yeah, don't be checking my whole facts because listen, but I like dick facts. I like to see who you were with before, right, because I just don't want to fuck behind certain bitches. I don't want to fuck you behind her.

I don't like how she looks.

She looks stink like I don't want to do it. Yeah, like I seen guys, baby Mama, I messed around and get turned off. I'm turned off from you now because I saw what you actually are used to and that's why I said men with money, y'all should have access to the win mean you had access to before you got the bag. So I feel, okay, let me see your first baby, mama. That's how you know who you're dealing with.

I do not change.

I don never. I don't think I'm too good for no woman, as long as she got something to offer, Like her mind is cooled, we cool.

I look a she grew up right where I grew up. At her she live in Beverly Hills.

They all the same. It's the same Tams. We're going to the same Tams. Like I'll take no lie to a different brand name on it.

I took wealthy women.

I took wealthy women to the burger stand and content, and I took ghetto girls to the best restaurants at Beverly Hills. I just try to make people experience better, you know what I'm saying, Like you experience life. I remember, oh man, if I told her she'd be hot. But this one lady who wanted Grammy right, she she was like into me. I think she just like a crip fetish or something. She used to get disappointed when she found out I.

Read and sh I swear.

I've seen the movie American American Fiction. Nobody's seen that. It's about this black author. He's very intelligent, but his books won't sell and then he starts making this literature that's like very ghetto and he had to become this very ghetto like just out fresh out of prison. And yeah, Donald, the white people were like, they was like, what do you want to call it? He was like, we'll call it fuck, like that's what he named and they were like, we love it.

This is amazing and it's so real.

Yeah, so that's basically no.

Yeah, she was just into it.

She was just like into it and shit, so when we I ain't gonna lie. I'm always sober, so I signed everything up really fast.

So I seen what she was into. And I remember I picked her up in my Lowrider and all that.

I brought her to This is my favorite spot, TAM's on Long Beach Boulevard right and trumping, and she.

Was just so blown. It made her day. It made her day. She thought it was just like the greatest thing in the world.

It's a hood spot. Yes, I went to the gett.

You know what I'm saying. So it's like you got to know what people want from you, and then is your job to over deliver.

All right, So I need everybody to share something that they are ashamed of.

I already told y'all, I'm ashamed of that, Nigga, I was pregnant. You already saw that. That's my shame.

That's the only shame you have.

Yes, that I would like to say and not be publicly shamed about.

That's so one shame.

So when I thought about I thought about this this topic a couple of weeks ago, but I explained it better maybe last night where we can have a conversation about it. But I told Tam and her homegirl, like one of the things I'm ashamed of. But I've since learned other bitches do it too. Okay, when we use public restrooms, we have to scott squat and sometimes the

Okay, alright, here's mine. Does anybody else want to go first? Brought up? You wanted to do this?

Okay?

Go?

Alright? It was.

It went to this Mexican restaurant.

Oh my god, delicious bean deal. This is getting worse.

We went to the club and we had hookah.

Something about the hookah and Mexican for crazy.

I shoot in the club, ya the club?

Yeah, I took a ship in the bathroom, though.

Right in the bathroom, not like at the section. I just so you're I'm never at the club.

I'm pooped in a club. Look, I'm a I cannot believe it too that.

You went to the restroom in the restroom.

White people.

You see what I said, White people just like to use the restaroom.

He got. You took a ship in the club. You can't make a party like regular. I can't take a ship without taking a shower.

I came back and enjoyed my night and shipped a different levels.

Did you take anybody home that night?

No? I why the fuck?

Everybody naked over here?

Dog?

What is happening? We stayed? We saw naked bitches all day with no shame, with no shame.

Yeah, so all right, I told you all my story. Like judge me if you will, come on Jesus.

The last time I embarked on a shame derived monologue, we got suicide watch emails. So I don't even know my whole life is defined by shame. I mean, like you want like a like a funny shame story, or.

Like like just okay, maybe think about some ship, that some ship, that something.

Ship from here on now, think about you.

Look at me?

Uh, just something you don't want people to know. If something.

No one knows me anyhow, anybody that knows me knows my ship.

No one that doesn't know me just doesn't know me.

Stop looking at me.

Sorry? No, I mean probably my worst is just like a myroadly.

Long through my twenties situation, just.

Just like perpetually finding myself.

Having woken up from drunken stupors and places I didn't know where the hell they were, how I got there, and then having to go go backtrack like myself into coherent functionality, like how the fuck where am I? Who is?

How the fuck did I get here? No, it wouldn't even be like that.

Oh you would just be like on your streets somewhere like.

But I be like, oh, ship, where's my phone? My phone's gone, I don't know where I am. I gotta go find where my car is.

I gotta get my wallet back, all this other type of ship and then oh, ship, did I am? I gonna get arrested when I go outside, Like do I did I do something? Did somebody? It's gonna be somebody after me, like all this type of shit, having to try to backtrack it, And then the worst part of it is getting the phone and you gotta look on

It's very very serious.

And those calls, those like eleven, am, oh you're alive, Yes, don't rub it in. He's gonna be last night that I gotta really really really really answered any fires, No, none, just the usual all right, goodness, Have you ever had.

Any fires to put out though.

Not showing up at a girlfriend you got married to stripper last night kind of ship.

Nah, that wouldn't have been that big a deal.

So he would be a good hangover right character.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I would be like me and the hangover would be like the Asian dude in the Hangover sequel, just like, but I don't do drugs.

It's just it's just purely alcohol.

The spirit. So you basically listen, you were walking your whole twenties basically like a spirit can kind of walk into your ship and had you you just getting animated all over town.

Not my whole twenties. It was like late teens in the early twenties.

And then there would be like an occasional relaptic moment that just became't you know, further and further spaced out as I went out out of my twenties.

Mmmm.

I think I was the drunkest in my twenties two. And I think about it now as like, why the fuck was I drinking that much in college? That's why I don't drink a mecca.

I did have one fire and it turned out to be kind of a faux fire, and it turned into a really messed up situation. Like my whole, like my last year of high school was like your whole What was my whole last year.

Of high school?

W h O from like whatever prom like eleventh grade, Like I I hadn't hardly drank that many times before like that in my life, but like I drank too much of some like since I said.

Like like.

Fireball, the story of what I did some girl became very opaque.

And I'm like that sounds like bullshit, but I was. I can't, I can't argue.

I'm not in a position to are you pushed back to anybody? But the story kids just kept ballooning. And so for oh like a long time, like years in my hometown, like there was there was a lot of that on me and all my reputation and how people have viewed me and saw me whatever. And I think probably like seven or eight years later, I bumped into this girl and I was friends with her sisters, sister's friends, whatever else. And but I hadn't really gone when I

This girl was like.

It was like it was like an awkwardly sound. I was like, hey, you know, I don't think I've ever got a chance to talk to you. I was like, you know, whatever happened. She was like, oh, I mean nothing like really happened. It just kind of got blown with out of proportion.

And then no, no, no, and I'm like, huh.

I got blown out of proportion. It depended like like my nose broke, Like you said, my nose broke. Sure, some dude got pissed me the party was friends with that girl and he was like drunk and trying to start to fight with some ship and like, I'm more the type I'm more worried about winning a fight than losing a fight.

Mm hm.

So I wasn't too worried about him, but he and I was like, I'm a rollless dude. And then he said something about that and I was like, oh, if he wants to punch me and then over that, then I'll, you know whatever, I'll take it.

So I didn't.

I didn't, I didn't throw punched. I let him take off and get get a couple and I just slipped like five or six and somebody grabbed or whatever. But like when I was done letting him hit me, he didn't hit me again.

Like I had to walk with that label. So like for a while it was like, Lael, well that what it was.

I had like.

Hit her.

Then it was like I beat her. Then it was like I beat her and pulled her into a closet and tried to rape. It was like anybody who told the thing told just kept adding a new chapter's book. And I found out it was like it was like, well, no, you just got really mad and were like kind of raised your voice in me. I'm like, huh.

But it started with her though she had to have told people these stories.

She told somebody a simple story and it's a bunch of jeph.

And it probably got razzled and stuff and was emotional and people start.

Crying as he jumped on and stepped around.

For probably ten years, nothing happened that man. That shit sucked.

But that was only my own fault, because if it wasn't for that, that wouldn't have gone anyway.

You would have traumati Yeah, like you living with the therapy.

This scarlet letter over some shit that never happened.

I remember one of my subs not substitute, but like a tutor this after school program. I was in middle in middle school, like sixth grade. This lady really I lived with shame until I was an adult, thinking I had done something to this lady and when she told me what I supposedly did to her. So after I finished, after I stopped going to the after school program, all the kids told her. I used to talk shit about her,

I understand adults do that.

Adults.

I thank god I was such an honorary kid.

What's your shame, glasses? What you shaming about? Oh you already said you shamed because your ass working out, not just.

Working out, but just eating better. You want to know, A good story is a good story about thirty two thirty three years old. So this is roughly eleven years ago forty four now, so it's thirty three thirty maybe thirty three thirty four. I had met a girl, right, and she started dming me on Instagram, right, So I was like, you know, she she was cool. She just talked to me. I ain't trip whatever. We ran into each other in real life. She's like probably five foot

Were so little. No, she was close to it, like me right short tim So I kept sleeping with her because of like she would you feel bad?

That was it? You didn't like her, you just were use her for her hands.

I have that's the truth.

I have hypothesized that that is the root cause behind the white guy Asian girl fetish thing like since forever.

Like so don't get me wrong, like like a girl that's regular sized, two hands is normal, but like she would have needed like five or six hands, and it's just I imagine this visualig felt like eighteen inches long.

And I just kept sleep with her.

Trying to find this.

Uh, it was this. It was this.

It's a series on Amazon and one of the characters just passed away recently. A young guy. He looks he's biracial, dude. But these kids have superhero It's called V something like that V. Like all of these kids got this vaccine at some point, like their parents signed them up for this experiment and now they're all like in the school together where they all have like these special powers and ship.

Flamed, yes, tiny, So to do it, she.

Was dating like he was acting like he liked her so much because her fucking she was making her some little around his dick on the on the episode, like she's sliding down a dick, like they showed a dick.

His whole body slide and she just like holding on, like yeah, to the left, to the left.

It's so shameful, so.

Shameful, woman's body. I never told that story out loud on his wet dick. I've never told this story out loud. So it's so fucking funny.

That was.

Now I think about it, I was like, that is fucking hello.

So you meant to stop sucking her after the first time, doing it.

Like right after the.

First time, because respecting my because really, because really the reason why, because I kind of took up this, I took up this morale point at like twenty eight I was like, yo, if I'm not gonna be with you, I'm not gonna sleep with you, So that kind of changed a lot.

Right, So if I can't be with you, I'm not gonna sleep.

Ninety nine percent of girls we interact with we can't be with I mean, and I could tell because I'm always sober. So like I knew I couldn't be with her even before we slept together, so I should have never got that far. But even once I slept with her, I knew I shouldn't have been with her anymore because there was no way we could be together.

That's the only time he had a sixteen incher man, I.

Felt like, Gozilla, you know what I'm saying. It's the greatest, one of the greatest experiences we.

Have this segment.

I was about to say, we're going to trade it out for the for the shame same us saying our little shameful things. Is that a trade out for a SIMP series?

It is?

I mean, do y'all want to tell another embarrassing moment?

Perhaps y'all got played, but since sex.

You got played by.

That happened a lot. I remember I took this girl down, slept with like three four dudes on the football team, and not.

Know you already told you that story on her show.

You gotta tell a different one that happened to you told that before, Like, so we'll get what from Rose Gold and I'd be it.

A girl played you?

Yeah, yeah, please everybody else story from high school.

I've let myself get played sometimes to prove a point or out of usually if I get played this out of my own arrogance where I'm like, oh whatever, if I gotta like ben the rules a little bit to get some more face timed her, she just she just hasn't been around me enough long enough to like you, to get it, to understand what's what's really you.

Know, good for her, Yeah, to understand magic.

So that's that's.

That's ninety nine and a half percent of any you know, rude instance like that.

But this one was weird.

I've never in my life of all the scammering and all the bullshit, all to La lifestyle, all of it since forever, I have never ever seen anything like this before in my entire life forty fucking years. I've known this girl for damn like nine or ten years.

No, Mom, we go back like cool.

She's the only person that's come to visit me in Miami since I've been in Florida, like.

Whatever.

So I get her ticket out here like last month, and I pick her from the airport. We go to dinner and stop off a Walmart. She buys all of her shit or whatever. She's had some family out, she was gonna go see her niece and some people.

Whatever. All right, cool, it's great.

So next morning, you know, she gets up, gets dressed and goes and I shot her texting afternoon like hey, there's this thing that's like Tako Tuesday deal.

I people want to go. I didn't want to go, but I was like, if they wanted to go, I don't know what we're doing. Well.

And then later in the night I got to you know, know if you're coming back so I can let you back in. So I texted her on here fromhere like, well, I'm getting tired, I want to go to sleep. So all man, bit, she blocked my number. She used you for a flight, which is so odd because she'd been out and stayed with me for a week twice before. And I've not, like I said, I'm known as one for ten years.

I told you she blocked.

I started.

Years ago, but y'all just recently started back fucking around.

No, I wouldn't night.

Sometimes it be subtle ship women make it.

Okay, alive, she is alive.

He didn't understand, but he did. I told him he did somebody I didn't know anything.

She don't know.

She might be did.

Some dumb ship, but I didn't know.

I know for you give her your credit card number to book the flight, or you booked it for her, booked it. Okay, I'm just trying to did because somebody year, it's a bath since is your bathroom good enough?

Not enough?

She did?

He did something?

She was.

It was weird.

It was like in the morning, she's talking to whoever she's talking to, like, oh, yeah, over here, I'm at Peter's place.

That It wasn't like she was.

Oh that was what was that? That was also was weird, like, oh, she came out, I swooped up by some dude whoever the fuck picked her up. When you're telling the person, you're saying you're it was just.

You haven't spoken to her chin some picture she found something.

So nothing in the.

Place is a science She wasn't in my phone. My place is a science lab. It's fucking sterile.

And how does this make you feel?

You feel plate?

I feel playing.

I'm just like puzzled.

Yeah, I'm like, what in the living fuck? I don't mind, Like what the you gotta do?

Ain't just asked me about the ticket?

I wasn't, So it just doesn't. It's like for for what it was?

Like what for what was it? It was only about one way? It was like one hundred and fifty bucks.

On what are we talking about?

He did something like he didn't do anything?

You had to? Because why, I mean, this is something like that and fifty dollars ticket?

Is she She's one gotta be cooked. She might have ended up on a drug binge whenever she left your house. And she just can't even tell you what she did.

She's a shame, you know, sixty on something?

No, something happened, Yeah, something I can't tell.

He said, nothing happened, don't work. If something happened, it was she got another dude.

No, she wouldn't have blocked you three sixty like that, Yeah she would.

Why would she tell you might have your sleep dog, you might have on her in your sleep.

No, that wouldn't talking on the phone.

That wouldn't have did nothing.

That's one of them. I saw something that that really fucked me up and let me And it's not.

That it's like if you know someone for that fucking long, then she was up my place like three hours, Like you can you know what I'm saying, if you if somethe on was that weird person like her, can't hide that in face, you know what I mean? Like you know, like if someone's if someone comes on.

So she wasn't seeming uncomfortable at all and no points like that that.

Are you sure she's alive? Yeah? For sure?

You know they creating AIS. This is this website called these People Are Not Real dot com and she could be on it. You just keep hitting and refreshed and a different person pops up and they don't. They're not real people. So maybe they don't create the AI of her on her social media doing shit.

She really might not be here anymore.

She got tyrone, I know, but I wish Okay, y'all, All right, y'all. Have you enjoyed this episode? Y'all? Tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect podcast iHeartRadio app or wherever the fuck you get your podcast that. This is your co host a j Holiday. I'll follow me on Instagram, kicking Tama on Instagram, y'all follow me ever, speak now and never hold your piece or your ceilings.