This Ain't Gon Work

a real good time. Was we supposed to have that good of a time? I don't know. I think that was the whole plan. I think they wanted us to have a good time. Me A J. And the h B I C of Black Effect. We all went out to We went to Memphis. We got invited to Memphis

by St. Jude's to participate in there's homecoming celebration. Um, if you don't know what St. Jus is, it's hospital and they helped with childhood cancer and we received a lot of great information and they had a lot of events for us to attend, and it was such a good time. We had so much fun, and we got to learn a lot about Memphis and about the hospital. Yeah,

and it's like literally a home coming. So you had people from different HBC used, he had all the Divine nine in the building, ski Ween and all this good stuff. It was really good and they invited. My favorite part was the food. My favorite part was the actual uh, the sneaker ball. I enjoyed the sneaker Ball. I had a lot of fun. They had UM a singer named Dough Jones. She came out and she performed, and she is just phenomenal y'all. If you haven't heard her music,

she sees that song when I Pray. I really loved that song. If I get married, I would really love for Doe to come out and serenade me and my guests. Um. Then they also had Eric Bellingery performed. It was a list of people that came out and performed throughout the weekend and it was a great time. Yeah. I ended up on the shuttle with UH with Dope. I was like, girl, Beyonce could fucking never do that? Beyonce, hold on beyond. Let's this a whole debate. Yes, Beyonce is a great singer, right,

but let's be honest. Beyonce beyond Yes, she's a great performer, and beyonce voice wasn't always what it is now, right, she had to go through lessons. Now the real singer to me is Kelly Rowland. But do baby, that girl can She got some pipes, y'all. She was hitting them notes. I was like, damn, just when I think I can sing a little bit, I realized I can't sing worth it. You ain never thought that I can't hold out that

I can hold a little note. So, um, somebody told me not to tell y'all this, and y'all should tell me if I should tell y'all. Are not, But I'm about to tell y'all. So I was in the airport coming back from Memphis, and I was at the bar and the bartender treated me so bad, y'all. I mean, I've never had anybody treat me so bad as far as customer services concerned. The woman slammed the fries in my face. I spilled my drink. She just left it there.

The Patriots had to give me napkins, and then she slammed, um my ticket down on the counter for French fries. That's all I ordered, And I didn't eat them because she never came back to offer me catch up, honey, mustard, a napkin, nothing the whole time. Barbecue, barbecue, sauce, not nothing. She's just so rude to me because she felt like I wasn't trying to spend a lot of money. It's in the airport and I'm just sitting at the bar in mind of my business. I'm not bothering. Do y'all

know this woman called the police on me. This woman really called the police on me. I'm making a long story short, but yeah, she called the police on me, and the police had to tell her that, yeah, we can't make her pay for food that she did not eat. I mean, me and this woman was going back and forth and I wanted to motherfucking Frisbee throw that fucking bowl of fresh fries at that bitch. I sew the

guy like she had the right one that day. Can I be honest with you in for a second when you when you you kept calling the phone right so like the phone rang like twice and it was in the bed with me. Remember when I faced time you but you ain't seeing my body like going up and down. I was fucking I'm about to go to jail, and she fucking like. I'm just like like on FaceTime like this my head bobbing, and I'm like and I'm like, I'm so mad right now. Yeah, And he's like, as crazy,

I don't calling my bad friend. I was in the middle of some ship. I know you had a whole god them red alert. I'm sorry, Okay, the police couldn't do nothing to me because I didn't do nothing wrong, but the fact that another black woman called a police on me, she was just trying to have a power moment over me. Girl. I was like, the lesson that you're trying to teach me, you're gonna learn today, So continue on because I'm not paying for that ship. And

I'm going to send an email tomorrow about my customer. Yeah, hell yeah, we're doing all things caring this year. If you're playing around, so I'm sending emails to corporate on your host and I can't wait. That's all. I don't eat out for real. Why are you being so mean to me? Because those bitches be disgruntled, they'd be disgruntled a lot, and they wouldn't do a white person. And I was the only black person at the only other black person besides her, and she treated me like straight shit.

We do each other like that. I don't. I don't do. I go out of my way to say hi to black people when I see them, eye contact Hi. You know what I'm saying, even if they keep walking past me like I tried to. I'm just a nice person black people. I'm nice to everybody, you know, anybody that's kind to me. I'm kind bat you know. And for you to treat me like that, girl, I can't wait to see if i can get your job in my

back pocket. And I'm gonna try my best because you if you're treating me like that, you probably treating other black people like that at that bar. And that's not right. You called a police. What the police came and beat my ass and killed me or something? Right over a bowl of French fries. Girl, You lucky I had somewhere to be because I'd have been waiting on you at the dog. I'm giving you a reason to call the police this time, I hope. Right. So let's get into

us and let's get in a stupid ending. That news today's crea, Yes, let's talk about it. She like you and peeting on y'all Golden showers. And you know everybody's been talking about her relationship with P Diddy, and now the P instead of puff and now stands for Urine Karsha.

We gotta do a whole episode on black women in kink because I can't get into the spit in the mouth, the p the poop, the B D s M. Ship Like I might know, I might want to get tied up and I like a little violence, you know, choke me, you know that type of ship. But listen, piano is just kind of that's where I draw the line. Pe and poop, That's just like, that's where I draw the line. I'm not doing that because it's like your body's waste.

I don't understand why anybody would want somebody's bodily waste on them in a pleasurable way. I don't know the psychic behind it, but hey, whatever floats your boat because it's warm. Or I know a guy who said he'd like to pee inside a woman, like like what about U? T eyes? Like? What like pe inside me? Oh ahead, how do you even do that? When I erect penis like that? He said he can do it? Oh, I guess you do pee, I don't know what the fuck.

So if somebody offer you a million dollars right now, one million dollars and you can see it sitting on the table like motherfucker may wear the laid out and was like a j you can have this money. I don't. I'm good. If you let me pee on you, you wouldn't take it? Yes, okay, I look it ain't that bade one m for a little golden shower. That's different. Do you think that Karsia is just getting a million dollars every time you get piste on? No from ditty.

You can pee on me right now for about fifty bands. It's a recession. Ain't gotta be a price tag on because I'm just not doing that because I'm n I have a goal to me. I need a fucking M by forty, like that's the goal. I need a couple of ms by four. So if that's gonna get me one step closer, just a little warmth, right, little yurine like maybe little mellow yellow, I I will do it. I'd like take me the Capital Grill and get me like four dirty martinis in dinner and fifty dollars that

we could make it happen. It's raining bands. Okay, let me get that. Listen. So she took the Twitter and she said, um, now, y'all know I don't give a fuck that. Let me tell you. My mama always says my grandma would tell her when you find a person I don't care about nothing, leave them to funk alone. Okay, So she said, y'all know, I don't give a fuck. Reach and Roulette eight for the week, whatever that means.

I want to get that game. It don't come out till March, though, So I'm gonna get it though, because I want to play. But I ain't peeing. We ain't nobody peeing on me. That's an actual game. It's a current game that she played on the show. Interesting. I want to hear from our listeners and maybe I'll put that out. They're like, what's the craziest thing your significant other or some random nigga from I don't know, Pieces of Fish ever did to you? What is the nasty

We're gonna do that episode. Maybe we'll bring some people on to talk about it. No, I tell you what the nastiest thing that I'm a whisper. So my mama don't hear it. So when I was in college, my roommate she came in the room and she was all like freaked out and ship and I was like, girl, what's wrong with you? She was like, bitch, my nigga just bust on my ass and then licked it off. Lika came up, come off her butt, and I got

a big old ass. But she had a big old ass in college, so I know he was doing a lot of licking. And I think she actually broke up with him, like maybe a couple of weeks after that. Ship surely then after rightfully, so like I'll be looking at you like, nigga, would you do that to him? Man? Like right, did you you like to taste of that? Because I can't produce it right, and I don't like the taste of it. You eat it? Not mean? Right? Speaking of weird, a Utah woman marries her cousin all right,

So she went on TikTok. This woman named Marcella Hill. Her and her husband Page found out they were third cousins while looking online for baby names. So the woman is pregnant and they're looking trying to name the baby, and they're looking at their like ancestry and they realized that her grandma was first cousins or something like that with her his grandfather, and so they called their grandparents

and it was like, yeah, they're my cousin. What do you do when you find out that you're you're you're married to your third cousin? That I don't feel like they haven't in Black families married girl, what's not? Maybe not married, but definitely smashing because I feel like I've smashed the fifth cousin before, after third, it don't matter. I'm like my older cousin was like, you know that's your cousin, right, I'm like, know the funk it ain't

because if it is, it's too late, it's too late. Yeah, And as dick a little something like, damn this little dick running our family. I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, it's too late now they gotta say. I mean, I'm not leaving my husband because I found out he my cousin and when I got a baby by him, all right, who else gonna know that? I feel like people probably come across family members all the time at some point, yea, especially from certain areas, you know what I'm saying, Like

certain places A lot of people be related. They don't cross breathe. Yeah, we like I look back at my family tree, there was like some definitely some cross breathing going off, and it was closer. It was close, you know, you look down the family tree is like, hold on, wait this say she married him, but that looked like her uncle, nephew or something like that, right, that happens.

Speaking of pregnant ladies, so chris Sean Rock says that she is having Blue Faces baby potentially twins, and I don't know man, so blue Faces like well, Rock has had encounters with ten different men in the last year. Until I see a DNA test, then it's not mine to answer your questions. Yes, me and Rock are officially done. It's strictly, strictly business. I tried it and clearly it wasn't giving. Before she announced, Um, she's pregnant with somebody

else baby, not mine. I love to catch your motherfucking lying with substantial evidence is such a sweet victory. So now all of a sudden, this girl is pregnant. Now you're gonna really cut it off right If she's actually pregnant. She posted um some positive pregnancy tests on online uh um. Her her fucking mental health is declining. Yeah, did you see she was just recently on an interview UM and a therapy session on the show drinking a bottle of

motherfucking patron. Who would la she would never go for no ship like that. You're drinking patron in her face? Like that hold on in therapy allowed her to drinking. No, no, no, I said she would never. She was in a I forgot. The therapist is a black eye who's on on that UM on the show with him, and she was drinking

from the bottle. Yes, but you're pregnant. I'm confused, So um, I I would I hope she's not pregnant too, so that she can get time to get her mental health together and maybe, you know, take a break from this guy. They young, he needs to grow up. He's reproducing. He has multiple kids already. You know these people, it's like it's like niggas really be having babies quicker than regular black people. It's like, what the fuck, Like they just got all the time in the world and get pregnant.

God damn. You know women, I know right now I'm struggling to have one baby, and I see a lot of women like, uh, saying, girl, call me and I take you to the UH to them people to get rid of that, and then we can go to get drinks after. Stuff like that is so ignorant the way we promote abortion in our community, like that as ignorant as because that girl already says she's having her baby, So why would any other woman be suggesting that she

had an abortion. Plus she already had abortions, you know, and then you don't know until you're in your late thirties you really really want to have a baby. Well, here's the reason why there's suggesting that she having an abortion is because now you have, once you have a child with someone, you have to deal with in the rest of your life, you know. And that's obviously what she wants. Toxic situation. And that's why I would assume that other women are like, girl, don't do that, you know,

just let it go. But she's already had abortions, and she didn't leave him alone. She literally has this nigga face and name tattooed on her body multiple times. She doesn't she doesn't seem like a stable mind. I don't think that she should be procreating right now. But that's not for me to say, you know what I'm saying, like, that's not for another woman to suggest her to have an abortion on top of the fact that she's already had multiple abortions. What about you know what she what

she's putting her body through and her mental health? Right, you ain't never took nobody to get an abortion before. No, I funded one before. But no, no, I definitely have taken a friend of to to the to the to the shop. But let me tell you it was it was. It was bad because I was like, my friend, you know, whatever you need, I got you. And it wasn't an easy thing for her, you know, like, I don't think it's you know, some people are very desensitized to it

and they can do it without thinking twice. But my friend wasn't that person. I'm not that person. And we pull up and they had them signs outside, like you know, the people who be protesting. Yeah. I was like, which one of y'all? And I immediately folded on that bitch. I was like this, huh. She was like damn, damn. I was like, I'm sorry. It was pressure bench. They had that little white baby holding that little white dog

baby out there. Oh, goodness. And then we went inside and it was a lady in there with four kids. The babies were in there with her. She didn't even have anybody to watch her kids for her while she Why are you fucking That's what we need to reevaluate. We gotta have a little bit more accountability, yes, because abortion is not birth control. Okay, birth control is what happens before you get pregnant. Well, lot of you don't get pregnant. You're not, And that's fucked up. That is

so fucked up. That is fucked up. And I feel like that's what we need that I feel like a woman can control getting pregnant. We can all these apps out here now where you can monitor your ovulation and your and your cycle and all that ship like they literally work. My should be down to a t. I use my days. I've been using it for a year. My ovulation, Yeah, you got fit b it. Apple doesn't now like checking your fu heart rate all day long

everything like you can. You're fucking lazy. There's no reason. I mean, it can happen, right, But if you're just you can let a nigga come in you all day long. Just don't do it around your ovulation time. Yeah, use condoms. I'm an advocate for that. That part, that part you have birth control, which is before even a plan B. If you gotta go that route, you got seventy two

hours after that nigga came in you. And if you fucking with somebody who can't afford to buy you a damn uh fifty dollar playing b bill, you already fucking up. Like women, got it, we gotta take more responsibility for this bullshit and not be suggesting other young black women. And they have they have another one that's even cheaper than that, like LoVa Nestra, something like that, long long and something. It's like a but they have the same ingredients. Yeah, yeah,

you can get this up. So what's the ladies take accountability for your body? You know? Yeah, it's not the men's responsibility. The condoms really not even responsibility at that point, because they're gonna try to put that dick in you raw every time you have to say what a condomat If you're dealing with anybody who's not irresponsible, some of these niggas is not at the same rate. We can't we can't blame the men though. It's us. It's us

we got control over that ship. If you're working with somebody who just goes, you don't think he's just sticking his dick in somebody else the same way. Child, Please, I don't know. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir. Right. Oh that's y'all can't stand me because I'm pull that hole that mirror up on your ass real quick, boy, Fuck you, Nigga commented on the Instagram page. Stop but he can't stand me sometimes stand these nuts? How about

that with your bit ass. We're gonna break through. We'll be right back, all right. So we're back, y'all. And you know what I want to talk about today? What are like some of the proper methods or some of the methods that you used to break up? Because I can tell you guys, in my last relationship, I literally

had to go to therapy. It was like one of the hardest things I ever had to do, you know, because one part of your mind is like, damn, you know, maybe we could work it out because you got those good times you keep thinking about, right, But then if the bad times it's just like over powering overpowering the

good times, get the funk up out of there. But I literally had to go to a therapist to break up, like a breakup therapist, and it made it easier because then you know, I was I had to recognize like why why am I going to say in this relationship? Like it makes you hold of mirror for the most part. You know, a therapist, they really don't give you answers. They forced you to find your answers. Yeah. Um. And it was actually two different therapists. One was a woman,

one was a man. The woman was like, what you gonna do? She wasn't trying to tell me what to do, but she was like, bitch, you know what to do essentially, And the guy, of course, was like, well maybe it

could be worked out. And I'm like, no, right, there's no salvaging this none, not at all, And I don't need any more couples therapy, and then I need therapy for me at this Then at that point, it's like when you stay in something that really holds no value, then you gotta be accountable for still being there, you know exactly, because then you ain't got nobody to blame yourself.

M yep. And so for years I had nobody to blame but myself and not even at the end, I'm still not trying to blame him, but it still ends with you. You know what I'm saying. People only do what you're allowed them to do for one and you women know when it's time to go. I feel like oftentimes we stay in in situations longer than we should, even men. I feel like men actually do suffer and bad relationships longer, especially the deal. Yeah, they'll just deal

because you know, they'll see the bigger pictures. Women be like my happiness. They'll go find the happiness outside of the relationship to fulfill them so they can stay in the relationship exactly. So you know, I'm on clubhouse, you know, not even a lot anymore. But the main thing black men love to say is the statistics on how black women are the ones doing the divorces. We do the paperwork. Niggas leave the relationship way before we do the paperwork.

We're used to doing the paperwork. We do all of it. We do your doctor paperwork, we do everything. Sometimes women are feeling out applications for me. We all we did was file the paperwork. But oftentimes the man been left the relationship. You know, even when we had our daddy's on. Remember my daddy was like, my daddy was like no

woman ever came between him and my mom relationship. I'm like, you were cheating, you were coming home with white bitches here on you black bitches here, like just hell a disrespectful and my mom is not like that bitch. You'll literally not talked to you again. And like because she has children with him, was like, that's her family at this point. If my dad gets sick today, my mom would go take care of him, she would help, but

she don't funk with him like that. I've literally seen my mom's like break up with a nigga and never talked to them to the day they died, and the nigga was contacting me just to have a little piece in my mama. He died, died, Yes, he died, and I was so sad about it because he was like a father figure to me too. And when he died, she just told me like regular, oh yeah, so and so died. Um. I heard what. I was devastated because I had just spoken to him. She was like that

she didn't know, you need something from the store. I'm about to go to the right She was just said, that's like it's regular. That's why you gotta be careful like women with children, like who are you inviting your kids lives? Because you don't know the impact that those people have, right that part? Yeah, because that was definitely a father figure for I've only had two real relationships in my life, and I got dump both times, so I don't even know. I ain't never had the opportunity

to dump nobody. Dad, you were sticking I was sticking out. You'd be like this bad, but I'm a stake everything else. But then I also have commitment phobia, so I was like very okay with like situation ships, like no titles, so it ain't nothing to break up from. We can't break up if we together. Now that's some bullshit. You sucked me raw, we together? I don't suck raw. I don't be fucking wrong. Oh see there's that party read you're my whole boyfriend? Like it or not? All right?

So it's fair to say I kind of broke up with people because I've ended situation ships, but I've never had like the people I was really committed to dump mean both times, but let me tell you this, they came back. They tried to. But once you ended with me, baby, ain't no coming back. That's one thing I don't do because that should be hurt. And I'd be like, you really want to be done one? You know suck Oh, you can't circle back once you done me. It's it's a wrap. But they try, both of them did get

somebody else to do it. But my situation ship said I ended. I think I don't know. I'm real Frank, when it gets to that point, it's kind of like this same work and I don't want to do it no more. All right, We're still cool though, Like I'm always, I always keep that energy. It ain't never like it has been some situations where I'm like, boy, I speed on you if I see you in publicly, don't play with me because of the disrespect that it happened in the situation ship. But for the most part, if I

ended with you, it ain't it's all off. I speak to you. I had gnad you if I see you outside, and that's it. What about you? Well, I've been in four serious relationships my entire life, and I've broke up with each one of them. Um. One I had to move eight hundred miles away, and one, UM I feel like I moved in all the relationships for real, like I just sucking pick up and move like my first boyfriend, her and Charleston. I really didn't um break up with

him in that way. He just didn't want to move with me, Like I moved back to Colombia and I'm like, come with me. Like it took that nigga years to leave his mom's house. I'm like, I'm twenty one, Like Nigga, move like, let's go. I'm in college here, I'm working, Like, come on, what the funk are you? Like? We could have probably built a really nice life together, because that's one of my good friends still to this day. I need to call his mama. But Nigga would He would

not fucking move. He wouldn't and he just wasn't doing He wasn't ambitious enough, he wasn't working. Like I'm twenty one. We going on vacation, Nigga, I'm paying for it. That's what the fun was happening in that relationship. Yes, so you know we and him, me and him going into a really really, really bad fight one night, because this is when Palm Trio had just came out. Remember Palm Trios, Like the first first touch screen Quarty keyboard. Yes, I had a Palm trio. He was with me when I

bought this phone. Five d sixty something fucking dollars cash. I paid for his phone. We went to his sister house. She wanted to see, like how the phone worked. This I'm just giving y'all. When we finally called it like for real, I've stopped with him, um, and she was using my phone and she went through my pictures and

a nigga popped up on the screen. Mind you, I had just went on a date with somebody a couple of days prior, and I was lying to him telling him I was out with my home girls, and it was only because I wanted somebody to fucking do for me for one. That's only right as a woman. So he put he put me in pants essentially when we're young, you know. And I just feel like women just be getting to the bag quickening guys when they're young. So, um, girl,

I could see and he wore glasses. Girl, When I tell you, a little demon pop that nick When he saw that phone, bitch, he slammed my phone on a concrete that ship like a more start bawled it up, and then he left me in the projects he grew up in, so I had to call my daddy to come get me. Mind you, I was just in town to get my dad's car because my car had broke down, so I only came to Charleston to get his car

set and go back to Columbia. And that nigga um left me there and I'm like, no phone, no nothing, and I had to like, I'm crying in the parking lot. I had to ask somebody to use a cell phone to call my dad. And so when I called my dad, my daddy was like, you got a choice to make because if I get involved, somebody's gonna get hurt. So either you're gonna be with him or you're not. And from that day for it, we weren't together no more. I made the choice. So maybe my dad was the

the therapist in that situation. I just didn't funk with a no more after that. Well, he was right to be at though, because regardless of him being broke, y'all still were committed to each other. That nigga was cheating, imagine being broke and I don't caught you cheating. That's the first time you ever seen anything in my motherfucking phone. Oh he was cheating. He had cheated on me prior to then. Yeah, imagine that. Imagine you being a broken nigger and you cheating on me like that is just

I'm not dealing with that. But I did deal with it a couple more months, obviously, right for us to get to the point to where I'm going on dates and ship now giving a fun how you feel? No, that's crazy. Yes, so my daddy broke us up. Um no, that trio broke you'll answer. Can I use your phone real clay? Right? Um, let me see. After that, I moved to like the next relationship, I moved to Atlanta

on the nigga. Then that wasn't far enough because he was driving from South Carolina to Atlanta every fucking weekends. I moved to St. Louis because I couldn't stop sucking him because I just moved. Um. After that, Um, oh, the fans broke me and my ex and one is in prison. He gets out in about thirty days. But the fans broke us up. I probably stole Ben with that fucking nigga getting driven crazy after goddamn wall. So God came through on that one, Like I bet you

ain't leaving. It was days. I would literally be putting my ship in the car and that they would be taking my ship out simultaneously, like you ain't about to go to your mama house and and embarrassed me. So the god and the fans broke us up. So you didn't really end it now. Yeah, once he got sentenced, I was like, you know, I gotta move on my life because I don't. I don't wait for a minute come home from prisoner. I think I had one situation ship. Well,

I guess we were kind of together. This was in Atlanta, but I was we're here for all the wrong reasons. He was not not the It was a Dominican. I didn't tell you about this, nigga. I hadn't tell you Poppy the poppy I was dealing with. The police took him from me too and deported him. So that was a situation that ended with Jim the Porte. I got rid of his ass. Look when my ex got locked up, the motherfucker's had is shut online. Um his race as Cuban.

They really thought they had Yeah, they really thought they busted something Dominican or Cuban drug lord. But he wasn't Charleston, but he was black light skining black right. He had that work now, but but he definitely wasn't one of them. So let's get into our list. I found a list on Marx manson dot net. UH ten rules for breaking up gracefully. Uh Number one, always do it in person and if possible, don't do it in public. So I disagree with that. You might depend on who you're breaking

up with. You need some more people to see make sure you safe. Right, she might get ugly. I'm flipping the table over for sure. I always want to do that. I see my mama flipped well, I ain't see, but people told me my mama flipped the table over at the at the eye. Yeah, I love it, man. I want to do that so bad. I want to flip the table and take my forearm and sweep all the ship off the table at the same time too, Like sweep all the ship and then we book that table

over and then kick sweep that nigg that's toxic. Don't do that in the middle of the number two, in the middle of a sentence. Don't listen to that. You're gonna be in jail. My mom, they said, my mom almost went to jail, but she knew the officer and they let it go. Number two, never make a scene and keep your bad ship to a minimum. See look. Number two is to follow up with number one, and I might have to take that out because my mama got a whole career. She might be mad at me

for telling y'all that. Ah uh. Number three, do not try to make the other person feel better. Mhmm. That's interesting. M hmm. Like it's not you as me kind of situation, right, That's that's probably what it sounds. So it says this goes particularly with the dumper, um Q Beavis and butt head laugh. Whatever that means. Once the relationship is severed,

the other person's emotions are no longer your responsibility. And not only is it no longer your responsibility to help them cope, but comforting them like excuse me, but comforting them will likely make them feel worse. It can also backfire, and that it will just make them resent you more for being so nice while dumping them. Okay, I understand that. And for fox sakes, it says don't have sex with them. Yeah, because you're all emotional, sometimes you might end up having

sex right before a break like one last time. That mean niggas, you break up with them and they're like, man, just come over here and talk to me face to face about it. No, stay your ass, don't go on, no clothes set and what? No, man, you'll are you trying to break up where you're gonna get fucked and you're gonna be back there for another year too? Are beat up? One of two? All right after the breakup, respectfully cut all contact for a short period of time,

at least a short period of time. Yeah, because it won't be over. If you break up with them and you continue to communicate, it won't be over. That's my problem. So it says this is the second thing that many people don't muster the courage to do. A lot of people get hung up on remaining friends and actually forced contact when it when it's causing them more emotional stress. Research and relationship breakups finds that people who limit contact

with one another emotionally recover much faster. So I did do that. So I blocked my ex for six months, and when the block expired on Verizon, I had to block him on all social media all that ship. When he was finally was able to contact my phone again because I guess he was still trying. A matter of fact, no, because he was still message through our business page on

the motherfucking podcast page. But I feel like I thought, up until like a week ago or two weeks ago, I thought we could like at least still communicate periodically. Now I'm just like, I have a real live disdain family a little bit. So I'm like, nigger, I don't even want to be your friend. I don't. I'm not your friend. I'm not your friend, Like it's impossible to be some some people. Man, it's kind of I broke up with him because I didn't like him as a person,

So how are you gonna be my friend? Yeah, that's why you just gotta in all contact, honestly. Number five talk to somebody about it. A J went to a therapist. I typically go to a J like I'd be having all the right answers for people, but not of my mother for yourself. They say, this one may seem obvious, but make sure you do you do it if this is a particularly serious relationship, to talk to a trusted friend or family member before making the decision, and then

take whatever advice they give you. Seriously, we are often poor observers of our own relationships, but our friends can see how it's affecting us better than we can see for ourselves. Yeah, and you know what I also need to work on, like when somebody is giving me like there um, because you know, when you're in a relationship, you know all the ins and outs of your relationship, and it's oftentimes we do share the worstship about our

partner and none of the good. So then now when you're telling your friend you're offloading what you're going through with this person, or you know you're contemplating breaking up with them, and your friend is like, you know, talking shit about the person, it's kind of like it's to me, it was always like uneasy, like yeah, I know I'm talking about this nigga with you, but I don't really like you talking about him because I know the other part of him, which is why I kept staying with right,

you know what I'm saying. But that's the part that you forget to tell your friends because those things are fleeting. It's the mean, hurtful things that stay with you the most. Yeah, would be like that, unless it's like always good, then it's always good stuff to talk about, but that's not real life. Number six, Allow yourself to be sad, angry, upset, but don't judge or blame anyone. It says emotions are healthy and normal, even negative emotions are healthy and normal.

But judging and blaming people, whether it's them or you, doesn't get you very far. That's true. So so that's where accountability comes in there. Yeah, I'd be quick to blame you. You you you you Yeah yeah yeah, um, because you know when people say, oh, you're responsible for your own happiness, I understand that. But if somebody can make you unhappy, they also have the power to make

you happy. Right, So if you're intentionally making me unhappy in a relationship, or it may not be intentional in their minds, but if you're doing a bunch of dumb ship on a daily basis, like I'm going to be falling out of love with you, like that's just yeah. So um, I don't know, I don't know about that one. To to not blame somebody, it's kind of hard because

why you you would still be with them? I mean, I understand you gotta blame you know, blame yourself, take accountability, not blame yourself, but take accountability for the relationship in your part and what's transpiring in the relationship. But it's kind of hard. It's kind of hard not to point out all right. Number seven, recognize that the breakup itself is a sign of your incompatibility and you're both better off. Mm hmmm, hows somebody better without me? I don't understand that. One.

Sometimes you could be a great person. They can be a great person, but you're not great together. Y'all don't bring out the best in each other. And that's another thing I would tell my ex, like, you can be an amazing purpose person it for somebody else, Like, we both got all these great qualities, but we do not bring out the best in each other. We don't. Yeah, but I just it makes me feel better to think that they're not better. Well, I always be like Nick,

it's it's just it's just one me. You're gonna look for me and somebody else and you're gonna never find me. I do be on that type of time because I really feel that way about me. I know I'm amazing too, but no, I'm that narcissistic to believe that nobody else would. I just like to it makes me feel better to feel like I'm the best thing that ever happened to them in life. It's kind of narcissistic, but it's fucking real, Like, yeah,

you can. I believe there's only like a few different characteristics of people, right, and you should be able to find those characteristics and multiple people, but there is still gonna be some uniqueness about this one person in particular. Number eight investing yourself. This is a good one. The longer you're spending in a romantic relationship, the more you're

into identity males with theirs. Being together with someone in such an intimate space for so long creates a third, overlapping psychological entity that comprised comprises both you and them, and when that entity suddenly dies, not only is it painful, but it leaves a temporary void in who you are. So you gotta find yourself again, basically, find your own individual identity and celebrate it. That's why I always say you gotta be independent in the union. You don't want

to lose yourself and nobody. Yes, y'all are supposed to grow together and do things together, but you should never be in a relationship where you're being consumed by the other person. So where you no longer having having a u an identity. And it says like friendship is the best medicine for heartbreak. So you know, you fall back on the people, your home girls and your loved ones to help you remember who you are as an individual, because those are the people who know you as an individual.

You know exactly number nine. Only start dating again when you're legitimately excited to see new people a lot. So it says a lot of people break up and enter a rebound period there immediately back on the market and throwing themselves at the first thing that comes by. The problem is this is more of a coping mechanism than genuine enthusiasm for new people, for meeting new people. So I agree with that, you know how and don't heal. We already said that several times in several different episodes.

So they always say the best way over somebody is under somebody else. But that's not true. You gotta take some time. It's gone dates. We gotta learn the date. We're gonna do an episode on that too. Black women dating, Just date? What is it? What does it look like? Just date? Like date multiple people like? I like first dates, I like meeting new people. I like talking to new people and learning about them and ship like right, So yeah, just trying to not the fun, right, that's the thing.

You don't have the funk everybody you date. You fun everybody you date, and you especially shouldn't have a baby by every boyfriend. But that's a different conversation, all right. Number ten, Only attempt to be friends with your ex again once you're over the idea of dating them. M hmm. Yeah. Some people have the admiral admirballe goal of remaining friends

with their ex. Other people have the admiral goal of breaking the breaking their knee caps of their breaking the knee caps of their ex with the tire, right can you as a woman? I feel like men can do it? But as a woman, it's like when you get into a relationship with a new person, they don't want to know that you're stow in communication with your ex like that, Like, how how are you going to be making space for

a new um experiences experiencing new people. If you're holding on to this friendship relationship with somebody else, it has to be like a if it's an actual person you were in a relationship with, it has to be a big gass time gap. I believe I say, five years before I could be your friend, do right? You know what I do? Like, I'm still cool. I don't think I have an X that I'm not cool with in some form of fashion, because you know, i'd be having a good time. My funny niggas like to laugh. I

like to laugh. So if it, if it didn't end horribly, I'm pretty much still cool with your ass. But you can't get no more pussy um exactly, and that's okay. So we went we posted on our Instagram page and we asked, y'all, what how do y'all break up with people? Yeah, we want to read a couple of them. Somebody just responded it was like one more time, like applies. So b V I think it's like balanced b V lanced said,

like applies one more time? Uh k, car mona she said, or he said, I can't tell by the avatar, but just as ignore them, just completely ignore them. Good. Yes, this is my friend out the de Leon Daily on he says, getting straight to the point but with respect and clear communication sounds good. That's healthy if you can really do it that way, right. Jules Vega O seven says over dinner, you're gonna give feet up one more time and then be like, yeah, are you fool? Did

you enjoy your bill? Guess what? That's the last one you getting out of goods? Shame, that's a relationship, is stomach fool relationship? Empty pink Prince Princess says, I just stopped responding. It looks like a lot of people are just ghost Anissa Duck says face to face that's how after Brown says, after sex, damn shame, a silent escape. We both know what happened without saying anything. This is quasi. No, I don't say it. I know who that is. Don't

say m hm like she hit me up. But she was like I just commented on y'all, y'all story question, but don't say my name just in case. So it's so listening, Okay, well listen, I'm telling everybody name. What's there on one people? No, no, we just said this was an anonymous question, right. Someone said, sorry for what podcasts? Thank you all for following. This is text. I'm not trying to talk about ship face to face because stay

out my face for real. So g Uh in the middle says, I don't know how to break up with people actually in this situation right now, girls said us a dumb, big story. We'll help you break up. I had a therapist. I'll give you that disclaimer before we start, but I help you. I don't think that. I think ghosting is cool when it's mutual, like you'll both just fall out of contact, but that that doesn't really happen

in um, actual committed relationships. These some of these things like ghosting and ship like that, that's far more of like a hook up situation ship situations. I don't think that somebody you've been in a relationship with a five years, you're just gonna go st that nick and not answer the phone for him no more. That's not really realistic, Like how do you actually break up with people? I think the list that we gave is a real good

um starting point. But I do think with somebody you're in a committed relationship with face to face, even over the phone, maybe you gotta write them a teen page letter whatever it is, but you do a little bit more old than some type of explanation or I don't know.

When I broke up with my ex, I literally had written in a journal every day eating up to the breakup, so that, for one, it was really to remind myself as to why I was breaking up with him, and also if he wanted to know the exact reasons, I had them ship listed in a real fucking way for the breakup. So I don't know, these these responses are really for hookups, right, y'all. Ain't just got nigga yap in a relationship with for a while That should be

long and drawing out. It takes literally a year to break up with somebody you've actually been in a relationship with. I feel like it takes like a year. Yeah, if you could cold turkey and nigger, you're a babbage. If you can cold turkey somebody you've been with for like two years plus, but didn't somebody's just come home and find all everything gone like I feel like it was on social media like care and all the ship was just gone out of the house, no conversation. That's cold

blooded right there. Yes, yes, And you know, if somebody were to do me like that, I stress about little things. I don't stress about big ship. What could I do in that situation but move the No, that would definitely. I can't believe this nigga took the TVs. I can't even watch being the new episode came on the night. The only reason why you probably feel a ways because

you ain't did it first. He got one up on your ass is really the person who needs like the closure, who's stressing the most about the breakup, and they probably contemplated breaking up too, But when you're being broken up with is more devastating, especially for women. I think, yeah, because women aren't used to that type of They're not

used to rejection in that way. So I don't know, being adult, I guess that's the gist of this episode, being an adult, being an adult and have the hard, tough conversations with yourself and the people you once loved. They deserve that much, at least at the bare minimum, unless they talx is in they're beating your ass, then I it's okay to go stim and get up out

of there. That's the only time I feel like it's okay to just ghost to motherfucker's just when it's if your life depends on when you're in an enough situation in you j low get the funk up out of there, right So anyway, that's I mean, I guess this h I hope this episode gives you, guys, um some better ways to break up, because I know it's somebody listening right now that this is suching your spirit that you

need to break up with that person today. Don't wait, do it today, right, don't wait till the next new year, or maybe wait at till you know that's bad advice. I'm about to say, at least wait till after Vamion Time's day. But you toxy on it. I'm just joking. Don't wait. No, she ain't joking. She ain't joking at all. But listen, guys, we hope you enjoyed this episode. Tune in every Thursday on your I Heart Radio Apple wherever the fun you get your podcast at. This is your

co host A j Holiday two point Oh. Y'all follow me on Instagram? Did you you tell them the website? They know what I mean? Www that we talked back Anti dot Kazam. All right, y'all's me official tam Bam. Once again. I love y'all, and I really appreciate y'all for tuning in and listen to share our truth unapologetically every week with y'all. So y'all come back and see us. Follow me on Instagram. I'm official tam BAM. Remember to speak now and never hold your peace by