Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.
We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion to talks.
What's up, y'all? It's your girl a j Holiday, what's.
Up, tambn my girlfriend? Hey, y'all were back again? And I love y'all so much. You hate that they love me too? What are we talking?
All right? Say y'all? Today's topic? Okay, what I want to talk about? Y'all know, Ari Lennox got her little me and myself.
I love that song, girl, I listened to that song on repeat in the gym.
You manifesting the soft lives?
She said, Yeah, she was like, I try to take out this trash. I'm trying to throw.
Some ass period.
I love that song.
But is a soft girl, uh era? Or a soft life? Is that it almost feels like it's exclusively like to black women, like you really only see black women like craving.
The stress free, soft delicate. Yes, because so long, like most of my life I aspired to be a strong black woman, really black. But I heard you know that was like the epitome of black womanness, Like she's such a strong black woman. And then as I became an adult, I realized why you never hear any other race of women called strong. You never heard a strong, strong Asian lady. You ain't never heard that shit.
Strong and Hispanic women be on the roof with their husband, okay, and they still don't be saying that.
She's no strong Hispanic woman, only strong Black woman, you know. And that should be a adjective attributed to our black men, not to us. And I think that's why soft girl era became a thing for us, because we want to be seen as delicate and something to be honored and protected and cared for and treated like a flower, you know. And that's what I want and that's what i'm you know. So that's where that soft girl shit came from.
Well, you know, there's a lot of social media accounts I follow, right, some black, some I like the lifestyle social media. It's like, I, yeah, I never hate her, Okay. When I see somebody doing some shit, I know like my turn is coming, right, So I just look to see how I'm ana decorate my mansion all the things. So I follow this one. I think she might, Well, you send me her Alana Elena wherever her last name is I.
Love to see her contents and breathe.
I love to see her live. And because her so luxurious, it's so soft. Okay, what we see white. Her bedroom is white, the kitchen is white. The dog's black, low ugly eyes, pug, and she's just like super luxurious. Right. And then you have like the black girls now who have their like Instagram's booming because they are now married
to white men. And now those are the women, right, Because on one other episode we talked about divesting, I would say, those are the women who have divested, right, And the only problem I have with women who have divested out the black community is why are you still talking about it? If you don't fuck with black people? Black men, you know, they got the whole dusty thing. You know, they talk about how the men are dusties. I had a baby for a dusty. Now I got
a soft life. I followed some of those accounts too, because it's entertaining to me, you know what I'm saying. So my the question is, is the man, the man, the only person that could provide a black woman with a soft life.
No, I think we've been trying to provide it to ourselves, you know, Like I see a lot of people like doing self care, you know, more self care things that makes it maa right in a robe and uh painting at their home, you know, things like that. So we're being softer to ourselves. And I think that's the first step. You know, it's treating ourselves when you know. Like another thing that I was, like I in DP, that was like they were setting us up. Ever they were setting
us up the whole time. Independent. We should not be independent. We should be cared for and loved and nurtured and provided for. I mean not saying that we shouldn't do anything but sit around and be pretty, even though I aspired to that, but you know, we should be careful like a delicate little flower.
I'm a super strong black woman, right, you know, and I hate that, you know, but I see what it has done to her now in her older age, like she wasn't she had to work super hard and fight everything that she had even while being married. I don't want that life. So I mean I'm that way too, Like I do all the things, y'all. If it's an American mad car, I could fix it, Okay, I be underneath.
Right, see me out there with a newport hanging out her mouth might cost you a little bight cost you a lot. Operators is gonna cost you not y'all.
For real, I got one in a five hundred dollar Jacks that you could pick your fucking cup and spend that bitch around like, I really be fixing cars, and I also want a partner who knows how to do those things too, like I like. I like men who can do things, who could build some shit, who could fix some things, like I don't want to always spend money to do stuff.
Right, so I don't mind it either.
Like a super soft life to where I didn't have to do those things, I probably would still do some of them for myself because it just it makes me feel good to take some shit apart and put it back together.
I don't want to work on a car like my nails. I can't, but I know if in the event that I need to change my own tire, I can do that.
Oh, I thought you was about to say, you gonna call me.
No, I can change my tire. Now start smoking. I would start, I would call you, bitch, But the tire I can do that by myself. I can jacket up. First of all, you don't jacket up first. You loosen the lugs first, then you jacket up. Then you take the lugs off, take the tire off, get the replacement tire, put it on, tighten the lugs, drop it, tighten it the rest of the way. Bam, bitch, I don't need you to do that for me.
I can do it.
I think that's right, something like that. Yeah, so I just.
I don't really, I don't dream of a life of labor, Okay, y'all. I do not like working for anybody. I know that about myself. Like, no, I don't want to just sit at the house, but I would like somebody to somebody
or me. What I've realized recently is that what I want I'm gonna have to give myself because I have had this expectation for men, right that they're supposed to save me, Like y'all supposed to do everything I need you to do, Like where the fuck is my husband to do all this shit I don't feel like doing, like carrying all these bags, like washing.
My car, putting the gas. I hate that shit. I hate putting on my own gas in my car, and I hate washing my own car. It would be nice to have a man that was just like keep our cars.
I really just I really Uh it's those things, but it's really like the financial part, like where is like everybody can't have a rich man. Okay, y'all, we are a real delusion or as women if we think that all of us can get a rich man, it's just not gonna happen. No, that I'm gonna get one. But I'm a good one because I feel like I deserve that, right. But I realized if I can't get a rich nigga, I got to be one. I gotta be a rich nigga.
Yeah. So now you're talking about rich in money because there's difference.
No, I'm talking about finances right now. Okay, Yes, to get the life I want, I've realized as of late that I'm I'm gonna have to be the one to give it to me. I was waiting, like to try to build with another person, because listen, this life is based off a double occupancy. Okay, it is just hard trying to do some shit by yourself. I see the younger generation, like the like my niece, she's twenty seven.
Those that generation, they're getting married and having kids. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, I'm at a twenty eight year old yesterday, he's married a deacon. You know what I'm saying, Like he just the things he was talking about. He has his head on right for his age, so imagine where he would be at in ten years. We learned that window. Okay, so if you didn't meet your husband in college, it's over for your ass.
Okay.
He could be just like that.
I never know.
So I'm like my niece. I'm trying to tell her, the one that's in college, you gotta balance it. Do not listen to my mama when she say, girl, get you go to school. Don't focus on them boys, No, focus on the niggas too. You gotta find balance. You gotta do both. And because white girls go to college and they come out with a goddamn husband. So I'm gonna need you to do that because it's easier to build.
Don't just marry somebody so you can have a husband. You gotta like.
But you amongst all of these people, there's only five characteristics of humans in the world, I believe, and you can find those. The whatever characteristic you need, you can find that in about one hundred two hundred, three hundred thousand about who you.
Was at twenty twenty one in college or nineteen relationship, Yeah, but are you You're not that personal? Nine times out of ten, if you married a person that you like in college, you're gonna be divorced by the time you're thirty five.
That's fine, but you'll have assets. Do you see what I'm saying? At least you're gonna have you might you might have to have some Ask the right person. Y'all both get y'all degree, Maybe y'all get a degree in some real shit like this is life planning, right, this is what this is what we're missing in our community, like helping the younger people planning life out based on what you didn't do. So yes, I am going to tell my niece find you a husband while you're in college.
Y'all can do all the life things together. And if you do end up being divorced by thirty five, you'll have some property. Okay, y'all having something nice? My homegirls who got married at twenty one kids in committed relationships up until now. Like one of my friends just got divorced her and her her and I know her husband. I met her husband. I met her through her husband.
But they had a lot, They had a nice chunk of ship, they had an amicable breakup, you know what I'm saying, And they had a nice chunk of money to split to split, you know what I'm saying. Like neither one of them are struggling. But he.
Just sounds like you was telling what you could just find a business partner.
That is what marriage is. We already talked about how love is for poor people. Marriage is is a business.
Yeah, but I'm saying like they could just get a business partner.
Oh bitch, I've been wanting to break out your ass. Me too, Shit though, That's.
What I'm saying.
Same shit. It's a lot different when you contractually obligated to fuck up fuck with somebody.
Okay, but marriage license is nothing but a contract, That's what it is.
So why not just go ahead and do it, That's.
What I'm saying. I get what you're saying, but I'm also saying you could just build a business, you know, instead of a relationship, instead of marriage, because what about God and the union and not just looking at it as a business opportunity and looking at at it as you know, last, women are trying to like most women out here, I say, now, mad fuck that I.
Am not married for love anymore. I'm not dating for love anymore. Now everybody's dating for stuff.
No, that's the wrong idea. I think if you do it just like that, it never turns out right, and then you'll have stuff and that's it. And I always say, like, if you only have stuff, you're poor.
Yeah, absolutely soft.
I know people heard that it was like being shitting me. I got all the money I could ever want. But it's people who have all the money and are very sad and very miserable and ready to kill yourself. You know, your true wealth does not lie in the tangible things. Your wealth is like you're healthy, are you happy? Absolutely, you're happy. You got your sound mind and body. That's your wealth. That is your real wealth.
Right at garden wouldn't make you happier, absolutely, or make me happy? Are about?
But if I had an Aston Martin and I was sad and I was depressed and my mental health wasn't right, it wouldn't matter. I could drive it all over the place, it wouldn't change the thing. Find somebody, Find somebody right now who's sick and asking what an Aston Martin make them happier. Hell no, I.
Think that people who probably were born into money, they feel like money doesn't bring happiness. That is some bullshit. Money absolutely can buy happiness.
It can buy momentary happy.
That's what life is. Life ain't nothing but a bunch of fucking turmoil and struggle and little spurts of happiness. That is living. That's whether age don't have money.
There's a certain level or peace that comes. Money cannot bring you out of some bullshit.
You can go to a beach, buy you a beach house. You wake up to the blue ocean every day, you know what, the.
Ocean that's immersing, sitting on the ocean right now, ready to jump in and drown their motherfuckingself.
They's selfish. That's why that's a different type of person.
We know.
Even talk about people with mental health issues, we talk about sound.
I'm just saying like, fine, you know, if you can get to a place in your your mental health and your frequency that money don't provide the happiness, then when you get the money, it's just that much better, you know, But don't that's let work.
Up is now though right before. That's what I'm saying. People who are born into money like they're the brats, is what I'm talking about. I'm not a brat, you know what I'm saying. If I run into a man with money tomorrow, if I run into a bag of my own tomorrow, I'm not a brat, you know, Like I've already built my up. You can tell a lot about a person when they broke and when they got money. They say, you meet the real people when they actually have the resources to be the asshole they want to be.
I'm not an asshole.
You ain't got the resources yet. Let's see.
Not be an asshole with money, bitch a little bit. I'm giving anytime somebody needs something, you can fucking have it. So imagine if I have actual, real, some real bands on these bitches like y'all ain't seen nothing yet of y'all think I'm a problem now.
Right, I just think, you know, the truest form of happiness is not I mean financial. Don't get me wrong. It's always good to have the things, but that listen, when I just feel like when you had the things, think about something you always wanted, you got it, and then after a while it was just another thing you had.
I loved my cat. I've been wanting cat for a long time.
Well that's different because you're telling like because if animals are like family, they're living, breathing things. I'm talking about like that that bag you wanted, or that car you wanted, or that you know, like it was like the best thing in the world to you, Like, oh, I got that watch or I got that bag, I got that car. And then after a while I was like that you didn't even.
Wash the car, so I so, I said, Aston Martin, right, but that that's not the type of things I aspire to aspire to have. I want experiences, right, want that money because I'm not a materialistic type of person, so it would never be stuff for real, it's experiences. Right. You got people committing to religions that they haven't actually studied. I want to gold places and see what's actually like I want to I want to actually be able to touch things that money buys you, like just freedom, yes,
exactly to do what you want to do. Like you got white boys who do deep diving allday, like that's their job because they were afforded a life where they can just think, they have time to think, right, and they just go do whatever their wildest dreams. That is what I would That is the soft life for me, me waking up, waking up and being able to do whatever it is that I want with my time right so,
and it could also store make money. But when you're in a rat race, you don't have time to think, you don't have time to.
You just gotta do. Yeah, especially when you have kids. You know, shout out to all the moms and dads out there that like sacrificing their own ambitions and goals because they want to see their kids be the best versions of theirselfs. There's a lot of that, you know. It's a lot of that going on where people have to put their own dreams to the side so the kids can have some. You know, I respect that so much because I ain't got no baby to worry about.
My dreams is my dreams Like right now, I like, I'm traveling between New York, Charlotte and Columbia, back and forth all the fuck I want freely because I don't have a child who's depending on me to provide her stability him or her stability. So you know, I respect that so much.
I've seen this off topic a little bit. I've seen this post the other day on Instagram, and the girl was like, y'all, ladies, y'all be careful because a lot of men just want to sit your eys down. They see you got movement. You bunks it from here to displays, doing this and that and they and it could be a subconscious thing. It may not be. I always talk about the subconscious mind. So should you not even realizing you thinking about right, you could just want to sit
your ass down, put a baby in you. He's just jealous that you got all his moving. He probably got kids of his own already, but he's jealous of you being so free.
Hmm.
And when I heard that shit, I was like, that is what I have been experiencing. I believe in my relationships.
They're just trying to make you sit still.
Yes, because I you know, I don't have no kids. If I got a pet, should I take the pet with me or get somebody else to take care of them while I go do whatever I want to do. But I can do what I want to do when I want to do it. I can see how somebody can be jealous of that.
There's a softness in that, though you know, maybe you're already living your soft girl.
I've actually been doing what I want to do for long time. So now this this this year, I'm just straight grind, straight grind mo because I have been just waking up when I want to. Just no straight, no discipline. So that's another thing that I'm trying to change about me too, Like I do aspire to be the six a m millionaire. Right, I'm waking up between five and six o'clock.
Your heights in the Sarratoga water. Yes, get the get the heart. Because your eyelashes is colored off of the bowl.
I don't sleep at the lashes on.
So when I wake up, you put on eyelashes every morning?
Yes, damn near every day unless I do hot yoga. Yeah, I'd be having lashes on every day. It only take a minute. It only takes a minute. I put my eyebrows on every day too, every day. I've been doing my eyebrows every day since sixth grade.
Shame. I could do with my eye closes that I wanted, Like I was getting I love eyelash raight. So I was getting the eyelashes done.
But that ship is why isn't so high? See, you wouldn't have to worry about that if you know you do the ones you do strips? Are you doing strips?
So I'm liking to I know this is off topic, girl, but we girls so the ones that they're putting under these, But I also don't have that seems like even more time in the morning.
Are they the same?
It's like little clusters that go under kneath, and they're like long and then they get shorter as they go.
I think it's the same clusters. You can either put them on top or at the bottom. It's no different.
No, I think these are specifically for underneath.
But maybe the thinner or the balls at the top thinner or something.
Girl, don't get me lying. I don't know, but all I know is they look good. And it's half the price of not talking to listen. I respect you last girlies and y'all get y'all money, but I just can't. It's like, and then if you miss a week, it's more you got to be consistent on time.
Yeah, because they if they got to fill in your whole eye lish, that's a full set. That's a new set, all right.
Me and this girl fell out. Let me just tell this because she was doing my eyelashes and I had my feeling books, right, and then on the day of my book and her kid got sick. She said she can't do it. I get it. You know, you gotta take care of your baby. So she was like, I can get you in next Wednesday. I was like, okay.
So then when it's time for me to come in, she's trying to charge me for a three week feeling and I was like, no, I was booked for two weeks, she said, but it's been three Who fucking fault is that?
Yeah? If I really could have just not come back here and got my shit by done by somebody else two weeks ago, but here you are trying to charge me the full price when you missed my.
Well when you kids. When I'm pulling it, she said.
Y'all meetings and like, and you in that profession, right, I know, like I do people here, but I am really solicit. So if somebody asked me by the wig or so and it's something, I might do it here, but y'all.
People might though I'm fair license.
Temmy always called me and asked me if she tripping before she tripped on y'all bitches. I just want y'all to know you got a moment she would call and tell me what the situation is, I'd be like, I'm.
Like, do you have the bandwidth?
Why would it? You know? Yeah, so y'all people who offer services between y'all y'all clients. I don't, and I know I send you post sometimes with people going off on a beautician and the nails. Yah, And that's why I have to worry about that type of show.
We like. Listen, God, everybody, buy your heads bless me in this show in our YouTube checks so that I ain't got to stand behind a chair no more. And she's the same. Amen, fy the guy because this shit it's stressful, and it's not just because of hair. Because I enjoy making women feel beautiful. I love when a woman walks out and she's feeling herself. That made me feel like a proud mama watching my baby, you know,
walk down the stage getting their diploma. But what I don't like is standing over somebody's head all the time. Sometimes I'd be like, I could donkey comb this bitch at the top of it.
You know, me, me and my best friend Priscilla have literally been doing here since first grade. Her oldest sister is a licensed cosmetologist. So she you know, she went on she got she's a beautician as well. I never wanted to do that because it's not about standing out. It's about the customer service aspect of having to deal with black women. And they fucking hear like, you can
do somebody's hair on Friday. I like, when I worked in the office, I would be doing people's hair on there, like I could do a bitch here on Friday, and you come back on Monday looking at them. I'm like, bitch, don't tell nobody I did your hair because you don't let some nigger pull on that shit all weekend. Now you looking at me like I'm supposed to refresh book. That's not how you looked when you let I'm not a licensed professional. You see what I'm saying. I'm not licensed,
so those same rules don't apply to me. I'm not redoing your hair after you don't let somebody pull on your shit all weekend? Are you acting like a saw it?
Ain't let him pull it. I'll redo it, book it.
Yeah, but they didn't. They don't. When I say customer service aspect, it's people wanting to finesse you out of a service and acting like, oh, what us lifting over here and all this, Like you have to be able to do a little bit of your own maintenance. Yeah, I agree, you know what I'm saying. You can't expect your hair to look fresh every day for two to three weeks.
See, that was all right. I know we're off the topic, but super off. We used to. It used to when everything was pumped up, you.
Know, like your hair would last two to three weeks. Yeah, but if you're not getting a scrunch baby, you want to fucking bust down with a lace front that only lasts a week. Especially if you're a gym girly, it's gonna be lifting in no time. You're not gonna get that.
Like.
That's like you at the fucking Live show that my.
Legs was fucked up because I was doing my seventy five hard flig. But yeah, my lece was up the next day and I spent one thousand dollars.
You're a fault of the beautician. It's mine.
You know, I understood. I didn't call her because I know I sweat.
Somebody else would call her. That's the customer service. Shit. I would not be one to.
Deal with soft girl. It's soft life, skiing off men are attracting the right ones.
Here's how I feel if you are out here dating, I put all your expectations on the table day one. If the person who's in front of you isn't for that shit, good riddance. Okay, somebody is going to be okay with your demands, your expectations, your boundaries.
No, sometimes you also know it's.
Your opinion versus month.
Okay, it's never know though, all right, so it's not. No, It's my thought is you also have to have realistic expectations. Like I saw this video or this woman she was on the podcast and her husband got fired and he had been taking good care of her, she said, And he got fired and he was unemployed for a month and she was ready to divorce him, and she was like, my money is my money, and you're supposed to like you knew, you knew when you married me that I want to be taken care of. And no, I don't
want that. I want a soft life. And I was like, that's not I don't think that's what soft life means.
No, it absolutely not, because soft life doesn't mean like just a lazy life. Now there are boom I know some women right who and I know their husband's struggle and they just won't go get a job like you are not with somebody Like are you content with how y'all living like okay, y'all to house a car to a house, two cars and one job? Right? So is that do you feel like you've arrived? Like the income your man is bringing in and make cover the bills?
But how like y'all probably struggling with everything else. I would never watch my mate struggle right, first of all, But I'm also in the place in my life right now where I don't even want. I don't want, I don't feel like building no one.
But I'm not going to abandon ship if we begin to struggle, you know, like let's say you have someone who is a provider and something with a sick you know you're just gonna believe no.
Absolutely not. You know, this week has been kind of weird. I know, I sent y'all an AI video. I feel like a lot of the ship we've been seeing online has already been AI. We don't know who the fuck these people be talking, dude? Are these even real people will be having these conversations? And who's behind the AI? Acting like niggas because it's real niggerish. Okay. They are putting all the stereotypes out there. So was that a real person who said this. I know a lot of women.
Most women they be going hard and their relationships, they be going hard for their men.
They look pretty real. But that Ai shit look real now, you can never tell. That's why if I ever like, if I was a cheater and it was a video, it's just Ai. I don't know that's Ai who made that video. That's Ai.
It was an episode of Cheaters the Girl Show. The dude he was like, dang, meet us my toys. I'd be like, damn, that's my surrogate.
That's Ai, bitch. I would never cheat. I'm joking.
Cheat Everything is Ai now. So yeah, that person might not even have been real. Okay, Yeah, putting out there black.
They don't want women to listen to us and assume that, especially young women, to assume that we're saying like, be a lazy bitch and wait for somebody to come just do all the things, and you do absolutely nothing but just be pretty.
I mean, but there is some okay, there are some men, right. That's all they want you to do is look pretty for them. They want you to they want you to shut up right, and they want you to look very pretty going to different events with them. That's what I'm saying. A lot of people want these lifestyles that they not even really set up for. Like those are usually the what is it? The thing the young girls do? What the uh?
That me? Sorry to get.
Like a deputant? Tight girls though, you know what I'm saying, they were raised to be these girls. Around A couple of weeks ago, I was telling you how a guy friend of mine basically told me that I'm not I wouldn't get anybody just just to completely take care of me because I know what I want. So I'm like, what do you mean? So basically you have to be like a dumb bitch. Also that I think that's what men think, right Men. If you if a man is giving you this this super soft life, they expect you
just to just sit there, just don't do much. I just need you to do what I asked.
I think they would want you to be more peaceful if they're providing everything.
You know, I would be more peaceful if a man if I got to work and do all the things too. I'm not going to be peaceful, not as not as peaceful, No, because we I'm doing exactly what you're doing. What are you doing? And you're not peaceful? You know what I'm saying? You frustrated with life and all this shit. And I got to feel a bun of that, like what are you doing that I'm not? You know, I I I'm want a hybrid life.
What is that?
I just want somebody to cover my fucking life expenses so that I can create, so that I can have What are you gonna provide for them? My feminine energy? That's that's that's what these women say they're providing these men, they're feminine energy.
What does that entail?
Being soft?
Because I feel like you got strong alpha energy though.
Yeah, And I am working on being softer, and I don't know if I don't I don't know if being soft is just talking soft because to me, that's manipulation. So I am actually working on the artist seduction then, right, because those women, the women who have mastered the art of seduction, which is the soft life women, right, it's real manipulation. Submissive to being a submissive person. To me,
it is also manipulation. It is the ability to make somebody do something while simultaneously making them think that it's their idea. Okay, so that is a skill set that I'm working on because I don't know. I'm not a finesser, you know what I'm saying. I don't know how to finesse people. I know how, but it's not my normal setting to be right, So I would have to really like consciously work on finessing somebody, and I don't. I
just I don't like doing that. That's why. That's why I can't date people that don't find like esthetically pleasing to me, right, because I don't know how to pretend like I like you for money and shit like that, Like I gotta actually like you.
Yeah, I can't do that either. So women like I gotta actually.
Like people are like Rick Ross, think you're dying, but instead of somebody be pretending.
But I have dated men who aren't like you know, typically hints and I'm like mm hmm, but I they grew softer on my eyes because of how they treated me, you know, Like, So you don't have to be the I don't. I don't even really lie to fine ass needed I don't want you thinking you finer than me, you know, like I'm the fine one.
So so do you feel like Black women are just burnt out? Like collectively, so we're all just looking for somebody to leave us.
Absolutely, I think that's why this soft girl era even came about. We're just tired.
And I think I think men think it has something to do with them, like it does. Like I would like to have somebody like do it for me, but I could do do it for myself and also like live this soft life.
And a lot of us that's gonna have to be the situation. You know, we're going to have to because of one, if you're not interested in polygamous lifestyle, we outnumber these men, you know, so somebody gonna have to come on shore. We outnumber the men. And then if you you know, factor in homosexuals, you factor in incarceration,
you factoring already taken. You know, you're going to have all the people niggas left, yes, full niggas letter, And if you're not willing to share, then you might have to be soft to yourself, you know.
Well that's where I'm at right. So I am aspiring to have a softer life. I even want to talk softer sometime I listen to this podcast, like why the fuck you so crumped because I'm at the house like chilling, but that listens to the episode I just.
Talked crump, like when we was doing the juneteenth episode, like you were yelling over me the whole time I was listening to the episode, like really, damn, she comes with your seventeen thousand times yess what we're talking though, That's what I'm saying. You was looking at me, bitch, we be all camera with each other. Fuck you talk about you.
I'm gonna have to go listen now, yeah, yeah, because I might get get super filled with convictions.
So okay, let's hear your soft voice.
I don't really have a soft voice, like and I'm not about to one of my homegirls, like she puts on this little girl voice when she talks to men, and you despise a hard bitch just like me. Like not a hard bitch. She's like firm, Okay, she's strict, just like talks when she talks to men like she it's an act though, because she when she talked you probably could beat them up.
She sound like DMX. And then when she talked to me, and it's cute.
See yeah, it's like a whole nother like who is hello?
But you know what, I think, so men do that the way they interact with their homeboys is different than how they interact with their women. I think we should inspire to that, honestly, Like, we don't have to be talking the same way with our men that we talk with everybody else.
I just I'm just myself, right, So it's just easier for me to be that. It's just easier for me to be myself and then find somebody who's okay with me, me and myself, because that's what I'm gonna be.
Like.
You know, I might not have to do that for somebody else. I might not have to do that for a person.
But you might have to do it for the type of person you're looking for.
I might not, and I might not because is that authentic? That's not authentic. If I got to be talking like Mary Poppins, Hey, baby, would you like a uh maya?
I would like one from that voice, say it in your regular voice.
You want some to drink? Not not really, you put some to drink though, So I don't know that I could put an act on. And that's another thing like, so, these these women who have these soft flies on social media, they're making money, right, a light off lifestyle. Is that the real image? Or are they actually stressed in real life?
Well, everybody's got stressed there. I don't find find me somebody who doesn't have any stress, and I'll show you somebody who's probably not alive there. Ai. You know, everybody's life has stress in it, you know, even the soft life. It's stressful creating the content to put it on social media, you know. So I don't really try to use social media as a you know, a baseline for how I'm live my life because everybody, everybody's showing their highlight reel anyway.
Yeah, because I know some women who husbands can afford for them to do whatever they want to do, and like you said, they have children that should look different, even with the nanny. It's hard to work being a a stay at home mom to four or five kids and shit like that, to two kids, to one kid, it's a whole problem. So, I mean, it's not it's not it's not soft.
Can life even be soft? Real? I don't know that I want to meet someone who feels like they're living a soft life. Do you know anybody who's really doing that.
That's what I'm saying. I know people like to me they might be living a soft life because they don't have to worry about anything financially, right, But I also see that the struggles that they you know, it's still stressful, they're still stressed. They still probably can use an extra hour sleep, you know what I'm saying. But the financial rules, they don't have that, right, But regular all other regular shit. But these women I'm specifically talking about the software eric
because it is a social media thing. So is it is it real life or is it TV? Are there actual women out here living like super alone whatever her name is she's living. I watch her build that fucking house she in and people's talking.
Shit, that's just stuff. You never know what's going on. After she dropped that camera and put that stuff down, that's just stuff. The soft life is not just stuff.
It's just less stress or maybe met I don't want to ever manage stress, right, I just I want to have less stress to where when something does happen, it doesn't really feel like stress. It's like I can take care of this, you know what I'm saying. So it's Ain't that what you're already doing? No, you know, it's little things that stress me out, not big things. I handle big things easily because it's like you gotta deal with it. But anything I got a choice about, I'm
fucking pissed, like I'm about to be. I'm gonna choose to be mad because I don't feel like doing this and why do I have to do it? Like it's pakito. It's little as shit, And those are the things that stressed me out, small things.
It's never don't let the small things stress either. Yeah, there's so much big shit to be stressed about you letting the small things get you in the get your panties in a bunch, all right? What's your last last.
No, ain't out?
No last last year? God damn? How long we recording?
So like seven hours?
It hasn't been seven hours. Hold on a second. We talked about man, Okay, okay, don't just go into with your lab. Let's have a little piece of conversation like, okay.
I'm in a minute sweeping record.
Yeah yeah, it's more minutes.
Yeah that's long enough. Okay, do you have a do you have something else to add?
Agent abruptly stop and we already did that on one episode. I do think women, we are gonna have to if we want a soft life, most of us again will have to provide it for ourselves. It's not a bad thing to look for a partner that can provide that soft life. Now, if you're looking, they may not be black.
Oh this is what you're getting.
Yes, And that's why I said earlier it's dumb man, right, the white man, because this is what you see on social media is the women married to the white men that's affording these lives. And then you call in black mendusties. Right. I don't like that me either, not at all. So can can Can you be a hustler and also have a soft life.
If you hustling, ain't nothing soft about the hustle.
Can you be working nine to five and so have a soft life.
I think you can do soft things for yourself. I think you could add soft things to your life. There's nothing soft about doing it all by yourself. There's nothing soft about being a mom. There's nothing soft about hustling, you know.
I think it's just choosing like peace over performance basically, right. So it's just I don't know, find some I don't think it's about talking. I don't think it's an aesthetic. I think it's a mindset. A soft life is a mindset, right.
I agree. That's why I said, like the type of piece that comes without money. That's really what's gonna bring your soft girl air to you. Is a mental thing. It's not how much money you got, because let's be honest, everybody ain't gonna be rich in it's life, not in money, you know. But they can be rich in peace, they can be rich in health, they can be rich in love. If you've got a community of people who support and love you every day, you are rich, you know.
And get a rest.
Yeah, when you get real solid rest, that's soft girl era, that's wealth.
So that y'all get y'all a class pass and go to hot yoga, you feel soft with the white girls going girl, I'm so pissed the white girls and yoga, Like, I'm not gonna stop it.
That's how I started spending while you pissed that down because they know how to do it. So I'm like mad.
It's like, listen, I have a good friend she teaches yoga.
I have a couple of friends too, do yoga. Ampilates instructors, but it's that shit is fucking hard and maybe in there just I'm gonna keep going though, because that was the same they would spin. I go to went to spin class. It was a whole bunch of white girls, and I'm like, I'm not letting the ash on me up. This is fat girls spinning. Got right back up in there and I can out spind a lot of motherfuckersmen. But the yoga shit, bitch, I need to stretch, Bitch,
I am stiff. I could throw these legs back a little bit now, but girl.
I don't like my legs back. I can my lungs and my stomach mass together. I don't know what the fuck. Put my legs down.
I'm gonna die and I'm enjoying it the whole time. Just like you to concentrate, You really gotta concentrate in that position to breathe. Bitch, what's the all right?
I know we gotta go, But what's the machine in the gym where you're laid on your back and your feet are up and you're pressing the weight like this?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what it's called, but that's do that ship the gym. That ship take me out every time we die. I don't never forget, and not because it's hurt my legs. It's because I cannot breathe.
Really, you know, I can do that shit a lot with a lot of weight. Like my life. I can do a lot of weight, but you like when your thighs come back to your stomach and having to push back.
Baby, whereas the oxygen you might gotta work.
You might need to do something like breathing. I use this app call Open. I know I mentioned it before. I can I give me some ads. I'm paying twenty dollars a month for that shit, but it's really it's real.
It's really good.
But because it puts me asleep every night, right, but it starts with the breathing every year.
Well maybe I need to do that because yeah, baby, that machine, that's my worst enemy in the gym, and I like to do my worst enemy workouts first. But what's your last last? Can I ask? Now?
That's it? Man, Listen, you y'all gonna have to probably you know, create your own soft life young Gilly's dating apps and meet you a weardo white man if you want to. But orn one possibly man the ones that these girls got online. I feel like those are the last ones, Like the super fine, gray haired old white man.
They're still exist.
One of them gotting no kids.
They're getting older every day there.
Yeah, they're ving. And I heard Monico. They say Monico has like how many one hundred and thirty thousand millionaires or some stupid shit, some crazy twenty thousand, thirty thousand millionaires in the small ass island. Like maybe need to go on vacation to Monico.
Are you looking that's what you're looking for? Yeah? Yeah, tell me.
What, Like she ain't looking for niggas with money like this. See she's I'm not able to like act like I'm not doing the thing that I'm doing.
What are you talking about?
See?
What are you talking about?
And that's all right, y'all And that's your last last all right, y'all. If you enjoyed this episode, y'all, tune in every Thursday on The Black Effect. iHeartRadio app wherever the fuck you get your podcast at. This is your host AJ Holiday two point zero on Instagram, y'all.
It's official Tambama on Instagram. I love y'all so much. Remember speak now.
I don't know don't hold no stress.
And never hold your stress. Release it.
De sis We talk Back Podcast is the production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.