Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network Talk.
We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. Who talks back.
What's up y'all? Is your girl a j holiday? What's up?
Tandem? Hey girl, Hey y'all. I love y'all.
We back, Chad. How was your weekend?
How was my weekend? Damn bitch, I don't even remember the weekend. It was just you ain't do shit. I think I went to work and later around and that's it.
Talks about, right, what did you do? Renig on? Everybody all fucking weekend, even up until yesterday.
It was cold.
I know, Like, why y'all want to be outside? I'm confused.
Yeah, I ain't with that. I don't like that, coach.
I'm really a summer baby. I gotta be in the house.
To me too. I like to be bundled up watching a good TV show, but I could not get into anything. It's because my phone. When I tried to watch a show called Severance on Apple.
TV that was good, I've seen the preview.
For that, and I just could not unplug from my phone to tune into the TV. I think I started the episodes over and over and over and over and over again. So then I just stopped and then I've rewatched Harlem, so because that's about to come on.
You know, it's weird that you say that, because they must be doing something with the social media this week for real, or these last couple of days, because I have really spent an excessive amount of time scrolling these last couple of days. For sure.
Absolutely me too. I just was I could never tune into the TV. I could not put my phone down, and that's crazy. I mean, well, TikTok was only gone for twelve hours, so it wasn't like we lost a lot of that. Oh, I went to my friends' birthday party this weekend. I'm lying. I went to an eighties party. It was so fun, like she curated this party so nice, Like she had valet when you pull up at the house when she got big as Yeah, so she had
valet downstairs. Homegirl got like a jumbo tron on the ceiling. I mean, you know how a person would have that tea a wall with TV's they made one TV screen had that down there. The DJ. It was just a really nice everybody was dressed up. Yeah, everybody was dressed like eighty dope eighties dope dealers. Honestly, that's how I felt like. Everybody looked dookie ropes, the bucket had you know. It was nice, It was a good time.
Well, that's one thing I skipped out on on Saturday was the seventies. I mean Sunday was a seventies party.
Yeah, that would have been fun too. Then go nope, Yeah, this is one of them parties with one of their friends. Like if you don't show up, they're gonna be looking at you like crazy, like how you didn't come? You know? So I definitely made sure my face was in the building. And then I hung out with Jamaican Raquel. Shout out to Jamaican rackuere the bitches because shots. They could take some shots.
Do you think it's because Jamaica workouts so fucking hard. She definitely used to be the bitch like drink drink drink, and I never seen her drunk.
She's still that bitch. She's still I can't hay.
What type of body? Wait, what you got going on Sunday?
I had to get up and do like some hair and makeup, and I was her team. Yeah, so that was my weekend. That's it.
Well, I didn't go out this past weekend. I let me tell you all what I did do last week though, which while I was in the middle of doing it, I was like, damn, we should do a photo shoot doing this? What getting a fucking mammogram?
I got put out.
Awareness, you know, bitch, just be playing with their fucking health. Chid definitely the fuck up because you know, these last couple of years, it's like a lot of people and I wasn't afraid. One of my homegirls was like, you weren't nervous going to your appointment. I'm like, no, bitch, because I know I'm healthy, right. I'm always like put that in the universe, even if I fe some type of way, I am healthy, right, But yeah, I let them smash my titties up. Everything look okay, and nobody
no doctor has reviewed my ship yet. I reviewed it myself, like I could they send you? Ain't nothing on there, you know what I'm saying, So I guess I'm good. Ain't no radiologists reviewed it still today, Like that appointment was last week Tuesday, and it's nothing in your charge, nothing except for the you know, the.
News is good news when it comes to health exactly.
So these titties, good y'all.
Let me see him.
Yeah, And you know the thing is, I was having like little sharp pings and both of them though, like just randomly occasionally, so a little piece in the back of my head.
Like, but I that's not how it works. It's not gonna be in both titties. I ain't never heard nobody having girl. I don't know.
People have had double what do you call them? Second? Yeah, people have had.
Double Yeah, but that is it because it was in both breasts, or because the potential was there for both breasts, so they just cut them both off. I don't know. Maybe if you've had one, you know, sliding our DMS, and.
I believe because both breasts may have been a cancer. Yeah, you may have had like some type of masks in them that was cancers. Because ain't no way, like, okay, just cut the one titty off so only have to get one implant. Ain't no way you just cut my other titty off just to match me up.
Might as well, Shit, no, I would do it. You know what. Speaking of titties, AJ gonna send me last night a video of somebody with little titties and was like, this is your sign to keep them little ass titties, because I always would be like I think I want to get like a little a small implant. And then AJ is like, this is your sign to lead.
Them titties alone, is what I said.
Yeah, I'm I'm at a place where I'm not cutting on myself.
So yeah, good titties. Them niggas is not complaining about them titties. Has any nigga ever said, a baby, you could use a little C cup? Well you probably a C. You can use a little double D cup. Has anybody ever said that? No, just do some wall push ups. If anything, I don't know, that'll.
Make that a titty up that'll lift your titties.
So yeah, and I mean I need to do some wall these titties is what I gained. Weight is like the first thing to go and these titties get bloated and like lose weight is the first thing to defleat. Really hell yeah, so I gotta do like I be doing like a lot of these things and chest stuff to keep.
This is my back, my back. Like when they say I'm big your back, that's who they speaking to me. Baby, Like I try to wear this fur coat, I look like the cowardly lion off wiscuse my back so big, and then I got that big hair. Uh, I can't wear that at shit. Crazy.
We be so hard on ourself man, and nigga like, she looks good. Oh yeah, I said, I look up like, well, thank you, because bitch, I feel like a mess right now.
Right And it'd be when you're looking the worst, but the nigga think you look the best, so you look. That's what it is. Niggas all we really got to be like. I can look at pictures of when I was smaller and more have more collagen and all that good ship. And I remember saying being hard on myself.
Then and now you want to get back to that.
Yeah, And I was like, why didn't I embrace that when I had it? So I need to do the same thing right now because there will be a time where I look back on this version of myself and be like, oh, she was fine. You know exactly.
Y'all love every moment of this journey exactly. Whatever body you in love it today, child, yep, and work on it. Let's get into stupid internet news.
What happened y'all?
Y'all know we was in a last week, like like Rocco hairline. Child, they got on Rocco Monica baby Daddy. We got arrested for I think like disorderly conduct or some type of assault some ship. This nigga got arrested for in Atlanta and they posted his mugshot online and Rock I don't even understand, Like he literally has a cone head and then he has the Fred Sandford on the side. So all this time his nigga been hat fishing and lace front wearing, okay, and we didn't know.
But see Monica loved you anyway.
And that just goes to show you are not ugly, you are poor.
Ugly because a nigga responds to people laughing, is did y'all get some money today? Like that's really all niggas care about. It's getting money, like his hairline. But really you care about the hairline, nigga.
Right, you ain't want them pictures out there like that? Don't nobody who wear a wig? We're want pitches with their wig off out there like that.
But he can't even do a ball head, Like is that the real shape of the head. It doesn't look like that with the hair on?
Is that the real shape of the head is a crazy question for real.
Because did you see it? It's like comed up at the top, so it doesn't look like that when he has his lace run.
On, maybe because he have like more hair. Like the barber is a good barber, and he makes it look like the illusion of flatness when it's really hair on the side of that cone.
You know what I'm saying, Yo, it's magic.
Do you just believe in magic? While lie Magi?
But this the nigga who was playing with Big Monica manesh, I can't believe it. I can't believe it.
Well it happens.
Shout out to that nigga here.
Line, but are you like, would you carry out? I'm a fan of the man wigs. Some of these niggas be upgrading ten thousand percent with that little man.
I actually like ball heads, like I have convinced a few niggas in my lifetime to let it go. And I feel like men don't know no better until they meet a real one. Be like, Nigga, just try it. Just cut it off and see how you look and with the body.
But if you can get a way with a man wig and it looked nice, do it. I'm not opposed if it's done right now. If it looked like.
You gonna date one, I would, oh, okay, yeah I would. I don't think I wouldn't hate on a nigga if he were again, I would probably try to get him to go do hearing plants, because I got a couple of homeboys that went over there to Turkey and they came back a bad bitch nigga.
Okay, yeah, but what I don't like is that paint. Don't do that paint. I don't like that.
And you're gonna go through an ugly stage with the hearing plants. Yeah, but it's gonna get better, like you know, oncey heels and all that shit and your new hair start coming in like you're gonna be lit all of it.
You know. One of my homegirls did that. She said something slick to me and she had that ship tied around her hair real tight. I was like, bitch, you look like Frankistan right now.
And she got her hairlined back.
She had she had just cut back from getting her hairlined and she had like it was like a turner kid on that. Brother. You can't be talking shit to be looking like that right now, bitch. It looked good. It look good.
Now, just got a hold on, hold on, at bit what else we had going on? This one?
Newton? So Cam Newton did that show. It's a lot of celebrities on that show. I want to watch it. It's like a Special Forces kind of fear factor situation.
Oh yeah, I saw him like jumping from a boat to the plane.
Yeah, very athletic. Athleticism has not declined human because I would not. First of all, why am I here on this world? I would not participate in no Special Forces ship. I am too delicate to be out there doing those type of challenges and stuff like that. But Cam Newton was on there and he was speaking about, you know, not being out of the NFL for three years now and those checks not rolling in the same and him having eight children and him feeling like he can't provide
the way he used to. And I'm sure he still can provide exceptionally in comparison to the average American, but in his eyes, it's not the same and it makes him feel he said he's superman, but really he's just a man, you know. And I thought that was good, you know, for everybody to hear, because oftentimes men and women treat men like their value is based on how much they can provide? Do you agree?
We'll save my response to for the show. It's kind of aligned with this conversation regarding Cam Newton. So no, that is not that doesn't like what a man makes or like his what he can produce. That does not like just equate like to just who this man is, you know, because of what he can provide. I wouldn't say that, but I think that both men and women know that they should be providing. And I don't think a man is comfortable when he can. And Cam Newton
just said that, you know what I'm saying. So I think when you take a man's job away right as the provider, some of them might have a little bit of resentment towards you. They may say they're okay with their woman making more money than them, but are they really are you now in a situation where your man is in competition with you, is he really comfortable in that position? So I'm pretty sure some men are, but most men aspire right to be able to take care
of people. How many other people they can?
I agree?
Yeah, So anyway, y'a, it's going to be kind of aligned with.
Our topic today.
But you know that I think I love that Cam Newton was very vulnerable in that moment and then talking to the men while doing it. I'd like to see it. But then you get on these shows like when you had Doctor Bryan Brian on and the things that she say, you try to make it look like it's not like she's wrong, right with you creating these broken homes, and it's just hard for a man to actually provide in
the way that he wants to when everybody's in different households. Also, so if you have all your kids in one place with one woman, y'all both are working at this thing together. Now you got to do with this attitude and what else this one got going on? If she might be shortering some shit over there and you're used to taking care of all these different households, I can't like, you know, it's it's it's fucking stressful, and I think you might
do better under stressed. Maybe right, But they also have a high day rate of suicide when she gets too out of control. They can't really take it. Not how women handle stress. Women handle stress better than men.
I believe men.
Are just quiet with the stress. But peace and quiet is two different things.
Just because you quiet, you at peace, you peaceful, that's for sure, like you really stressed out and just working shit out in your mind, which is not.
Good all the time.
I agree.
So, yeah, he has stretched himself then, so it's good that he can now recognize that while talking to these men. But please keep that same type of energy when you're talking to women when they pointing out things. I just think that men prefer to hear shit from men.
Don't blow through your money. Guys, don't blow through your money. You know, they have.
To give financial advisors. I just don't know, and I don't even think it's a situation with blowing through money. Like he literally is taking care of too many people. So you let your dick make a slave out of you. So now you gotta keep doing all these different things now to keep up. I think he has the hustle, for sure, he'll be okay.
Yeah, eight kids, it's a lot of mouths to feed. Well, But think about it. Back in the day, great grandma and great grandpa had thirteen and nine and thirteen kids, you know, and they were all in the same outside the house.
Yeah, somebody the whole household somewhere else, but the times was different, you know what I'm saying. I don't like how the older generation, like the baby Boomers and shit, be trying to talk shit about us, like y'all niggas literally ain't really have to go to high school though, Like y'all who was able to get jobs and buy a house for fifty thousand dollars like we a house is half a million dollars now, It's.
Just yeah, it's just not the same plan field.
It's not. It's not the same. They still want three times your income for a for a rental, and.
Then the wages have not increased the same as the prices exactly.
So imagine three times your your income, I mean three times the rent has to be your income, right, but your rent is two thousand dollars a month, right, you have to make one hundred thousand dollars a year now to rent an apartment in most.
Places basically.
The math and mathing right.
Sometimes it's just literally like they're setting it up right now where you need the partner or selling.
Drugs, like you're gonna have to do some illegal shit.
What they'll go say because that did telling drugs is dead to ship you had to get on some scamming on students.
Tell little Asian little boy like twenty one twenty two, he got arrested. He was selecting online. But he done have hacked into some people's uh bitcoin accounts and stole like four hundred million, four four hundred million dollars I believe worth a bitcoin. Mhm.
Oh, he was greedy. He should have just took one or two million. They may not have even noticed.
Flexing on the ground with all the whips in the club.
Mm hmm, that's crazy. All right, So hold on, so did you see.
This just came in hot? I guess I don't watch reality TV like that. I think it's just kind of not the best representation of black people. I'm not opposed to doing reality here though, but I just think, like the ship that be on T very, I don't know, man, we'd be having our moments in real life, yeah, we'd be ratcheting, But I just don't really be liking to see it on TV for real for other people to see. Because now white people really don't have to be our friends.
They just get a little piece of us online to see and they be like, oh, that's not all these niggas are.
We ain't gotta be the motherfucker friend either.
On an episode of Love and Hip Hop Miami, whoever this person is Flow, do you know who that is?
No, I don't. I don't watch I don't watch reality. Yeah, sometimes I watch Baddy. So I won't even hold you on the treadmill because I need something to take my mind off the burn baby sh but go ahead.
So love them hip Hop Miami. Flow and amer Le Negra got into an argument and the girl Flow said that's how black bitches hit on light skin girls. That was the end of it. And Amra was like, say that again. See that's how you just let people talk right and they be done said the wrong shit. She was like one more time so you could hear yourself.
Too, right, because all these beautiful black women at this table, and first of all, where is the light skin girl? Because she who is she?
What? A licened girl? Please stand up?
Because she wouldn't even light skinned by my barometer, you know.
But apparently Flow cells U skin brightening uh creams and stuff online as well.
So I never understood the concepts of that.
It's just so contradicting, because why the hell, y'all be like, black is beautiful, but y'all be.
Woulting to look yellow, right, I don't understand that.
I'm confused. And on top of the brightening, on top of the makeup, then you add a filter on it too, So really, do you really believe black is beautiful?
I do?
I do too, Okay, because old girl don't matter how yellow she looks, she ain't She is not fucking with Amara Mara Amara face like she's not fucking with that girl.
Face face eats down. That baby looked like a woman, look like a damn Barbie doll, a chock beautiful black Barbie. Absolutely, we don't need to be arguing about looks with this one.
And just because you like skin does not automatically make you cute either, you know what I'm saying. So I understand like i'd be understanding the plight between both of these people. We had an.
Episode of yeah, being each other friends, we need each other ship exactly.
We got.
Race, yeah, you know, so.
Air Kamina chimed in, you know, because she got fired from Love and Hip Hop Atlanta essentially when her and Spice got into it, and she did she call her a monkey?
I think she did.
And you know now she's on Zeus network, so she took that as an opportunity to you know, advertise for Zeus. But she's saying, basically, how the fuck y'all, y'all, this is the same shit happened to me. Y'all gonna fire her like somebody would coming for me. I said some shit in the midst of an argument to win, you know.
And she does have a point there. I just think they don't like you, so any reason to get rid of you would have done. That's really what it boils down to.
But she said she recorded, I think I don't think that's what it was. She was saying, how she you know, worked months after that. It wasn't until that episode hit online like it hit the public.
So the public outrages what got her.
The public outrages what got her fired the people. The people canceled her.
Yo, I'm sorry, my voice, everybody sick, everybody going through it, Okay, So I apologize.
We both drinking tea.
Yes, like the neurovirus, upper respiratory invections. What else is going around? Good gosh, I had all of them.
And that's another reason why I stay my ass to fucking the house. But I have a significant other who was very social, So now I gotta get sick every time this nigga come in here with some bullshit because you don't.
Know you might as well you hear me.
I'm like, I got to talk for a living, Like I can't be getting sick. Yeah, that is very inconsiderate. Like why I'm telling his girl, ass man, come me your fucking mouth. He's just in here hacking up, and now not even twenty four hours later, by the time I wake up, I'm sick.
Yeah. I call her the other day She's like hello, I was like, damn.
Okay. So when we come back from break, y'all. I don't know if y'all saw this clip of doctor Umar. He was on a podcast called Bittersweet I think it was, and there's a couple of clips from that podcast on social media right now.
Now.
I did attempt to watch the full episode give that Girl of You, but I didn't get through it because somebody call my phone. But I want to talk about some of the things that doctor Umar has been singingly, and it kind of ties into, you know, with Cam Newton expressed on this new show he's on.
So we'll be back let's get into it.
Okay, y'all. So we're back, and so doctor Umar says that, well, okay, on this on this podcast, the girl asked her him about like it was wasn't even an ask. It was a conversation about dating women, you know, black women. And this is somebody in Australia. Now near he's on this podcast. It shows in Australian but as a black woman African, so he's even there. They're talking about dating and black women not being able to find uh suitable maids and
partners blah blah blah blah blah blah. So Doctor Umar upon himself to say that, you know, black women are overly concerned about how much money a man makes, and we cannot and should not expect for a black man to have the means and be able to take care of us like white men do their wives, right, how they do their white women. And I just found it kind of offensive a little bit, right, because why is it that black women are the only group of people
who cannot ask for more? Right? I think when black men in particular goal to these other groups of people, they know they got to come with more, but they while with us, they expect us to struggle with them.
And we do. That's the crazy part.
That's why I want to talk about it exactly. We fucking do.
Right, this narrative that black women are just after finances, We be in the trenches with these men.
All the time. Yeah, okay all the time. So it's just and then where's your fucking wife, doctor, Umar, where's your black wife? Where's your black woman? While you're out here telling black men and women how the relationship?
Because who is he dating? Is he dating anyone? Because I mean he does have a lot of advice for black women, and I just don't see him ever with the one or any woman for that matter, Like have we seen him?
We know, I think he got I think he got like three kids with a turn. If you got him, where the women? Do you like him?
Or are you creating broken homes?
I'm confused.
Somebody, somebody help me understand what's going on here.
But here's the thing. Black men are way more hypergamous than black women, meaning black men date the fuck up, okay, And if they're not dating up, you're a stepping stool until they get the women that they actually think they deserve.
So when you say men date up, it's not in terms of finance. Is this in terms of beauty? Often like are what they deem beauty like, they'll be with the average looking around the way chick like that'll be their first baby mama. And then when they get money, it might be some exotic looking or more glamorous looking, or more fit or more something that's esthetically pleasing to the eye. Perhaps when you say, is that what you mean.
By no, I'm talking about straight up finances. I'm talking about finances. Black men date up when you see a black Okay, So this is this had been an ongoing argument with me and this nigga, right because, and I mean for years. This is an argument because he would make comments like black women only date white men for a come up, and I'm like, that's a lie. Usually when a black woman dates a black dates a white man date she actually likes white people, white men. Excuse me,
chause he likes the white people, white men. She prefers white men, right, And she's also well established. A lot of the time, they're highly educated, great jobs, you know, deep in their professions in their careers, and they go get a white guy, right because that's what they want. Right. When a black man dates a white woman, it's usually for a come up so he can reposition himself so he can have more access that it's not the same when black women do it.
I agree.
So that's what I mean by when doctor Lumar says that black women have this expectation from black men. I feel like black men have an expectation from black women that they don't have from other groups of women.
Yeah, they ask us.
What we bring it to the table and somebody else can just come sit down, because that they go after something different once they arrive, once they get their finances in order, A lot of times they go after something different. It may not be a white woman right right, but it's not always an afrocentric black woman. That's what I'm saying.
So why are we expected right to not at least have a man, Like I said when we were talking about Cam Newton, at least have a man and who's aspiring to take care of I'm not asking you to have everything today. We know women have potential. We be fucking with niggas because of potential a.
Lot, right, but in our all right, So here's me playing devil's advocate all the time. Right now, Black women make more money and are more educated than black men. So with that, knowing that statistic, all of us ain't gonna be able to get a man who's making as much as us because they don't exist.
Black women are also more in debt than black men, So yeah, you're making more money, but that education costs you one hundred two hundred thousand dollars you coming to the table, we're more debt, so it kind of evens out.
Actually, But if you're saying, oh, I only make it, look I only want today a man who is equally yoked when it comes to financing as me, making as much as me, some of us gonna miss out because there's just not enough black men to make that happen. So what do we do do we day outside of our race? Do we decide to just be alone? Do we you know, are we date down?
No? Those are I can't the men come up, right, you don't have to work for somebody. Most black women are working corporate jobs. You know, they get their educations. No, they, like a lot of black women do have businesses they've created as well. Right, But a lot of my like guy friends, like these niggas own businesses. They don't have a degree, you know what I'm saying. It might have been in a military at some point, something like that.
But they created the riches, they created their wealth. Right, you can do that, I think. I think the problem is is that why are we acting? Why are we being asked to step down as opposed to the men actually elevated elevator? Because I feel like if every woman required a man to have a house, a car, and a job, every man would have a house, a car,
and a job. But because there are some women that would allow a man to come sleep on their couch and their house, some men feel like they don't have to get to it.
Yeah, but can we love a man until he gets a house, a car and a job. Do we need to already he needs to already come with that? I'm just thinking about our twenties, no, so so all right, I'm thinking about remember the movie with Taraji.
P Hensen Oh Acrimony.
Acrimony, and how the woman he ended up marrying pretty much took him in and he was in a low place. He ain't have no money. He just had an idea that was brilliant, you know, But.
How many years was Taraji with him with the idea this woman reaped the benefits when he finally arrived. Do you see what I'm say?
No, No, he didn't arrive, He arrived with her. She she got him out the trenches. He was working in the kitchen at a restaurant washing dishes.
You watch that movie. Yeah, he put up Taraji p Henson Mama house for that, for that, for that his creation. The girl worked at the firm that he was trying to get his foot into. That's how he was able. She she basically got him in the door. Now, Taraji Pinson wasn't in this woman's position to actually get him in that door. She happened to work at the place right right.
But what I'm saying is she didn't get him from He wasn't already glowed up when she snatched him up. He was down.
Yeah, But I think I don't know if that's a good example, because Taraji p Henson lost her mind literally she did, staying with him through the thick mm hmm. She literally lost her fucking mind, and some other woman gets to benefit, you know, and you know this is why they So, this is why you could be in a situation with somebody where either this person want to be moving mountains with you or they gonna be the
mountain you gotta move mm hmm. So it could be the energy from the other person why you're not advancing and get into where you need to be at. It's a lot of men and women situations like that, just with the wrong partner and they're holding on to this thing, and maybe that relationship is what they actually got to let go of to get to the.
Next to elevate. Yep, I agree, But.
How long was she supposed to cater to his thing?
How long?
How long do we struggle in the relationship? And why do we have to struggle?
That's what doctor Umar said, because the black man doesn't have the privilege that the white man has, So that's why you have to struggle with them. Listen. I don't I don't, I don't. I don't subscribe to the idea of struggle. I don't want to struggle in any stretch of the imagination. But I'm willing to.
Like we do with I just don't like because we do it, we do it, we do we do Yeah. So it's just like where do all where are all these men with all this money that black women just not fucking with? I mean with no money. I mean, like, where are where are all these men? Bitch is pregnant? Yeah, there, it's more. It's more black people period. Black men and women that don't have nothing, no money, right, living paycheck to paycheck. They be doing it together.
Mm hmm I agree.
So what I think the group of people that these men get on podcasts and who they're talking about are the women who are now choosing to be single and they have standards, right, Those are the women that men have a problem with, right, because a lot of those women are getting comfortable being by themselves. Right.
I ain't comfortable. I'm gonna let y'all know, right.
Be comfortable for real by myself because I'm a relationship person, right, kind of like a hybrid kinda like I said, I want to be single in a relationship.
I remember I came home from work and I was living in this high rise. Everything was beautiful, and I put my little factor meal in the microwave and I sat down on the couch at my little uh TV TV tray and I was like, this is not what God intended me eating this motherfucking factor meal by myself in this house. This is not how it's supposed to be, and I know the.
Life is based on double occupancy. Y'all can tell what these damn bills Okay, yeah, the price of cost.
In the same breath, I'm not willing to just lay my standards down by the riverside just to have somebody right, I'll be alone until I meet someone that but it's just so it. I don't know how it's become so difficult, you know. I think social media plays a role because we have access to too many people exactly, you know, I think that plays a huge role. The DMS is never it's endless. It's endless niggas in there which make you not kind of want to it. I don't like
because it, oh don't nobody's lie harder than somebody else. Husband, and the damn slipping and sliding boy, get yeah that.
I really don't want us to be girls girls because y'all be in.
Trouble, right, It benefits me nothing, So I don't even like entertain But then my husband might be right sitting in that DM wait on me to respond, you know, because where else I'm gonna meet him at we talk back, ain't not. But it's a bunch of bitches. It's a bunch of us. Or then I work in the industry where it's nothing but women and gay men, so I don't I'm not even in environments where I get to meet men. So then now I get to I got to either use social media and I just want to
talk about this real quick. I downloaded this app called Luxy. It's a dating app. It's supposed to be like an upscale dating app. And the motherfucker's trying to charge me five hundred dollars. I don't want no man that bad. You're buying a Yeah, I don't want no nigga for five hundred dollars match Maker, not when the DMS that's free. It's the same ship. You know. What's what makes it any different?
So is it white men on Luxy or the any black men on there?
Yeah, it's different, like all kinds of men white, black, uh, Middle Eastern all.
I guess that's the investment, right to so you can find somebody who is to you got five hundreds exactly, that's the fee you gotta pay to let people know like this is real, Like you gotta that's an investment.
I went. I reached out to one of those like million dollar match maker companies that I saw, like I think it was on like Housewives of Atlanta or something. I saw it on and I reached out to them and I got an interview and they liked me and all that stuff, and they was like, oh, yeah, we definitely can pair you with somebody. You seem like a great option, you know, candidate for the type of minute we have here. She's like, we're just going to need
you to invest ten thousand dollars as it. Excuse me, say what ten thousand? I'm not paying five hundred. I'm definitely not paying ten thousand dollars. Like, we just want to make sure that this is something that you want. They want to make sure that you're not just looking for a man with money to come take care of you. I'm assuming because you got ten thousand of your own to invest into. And they was like, we'll keep sending
you on dates until we find your husband forever. Once she paid this ten grand, I was like, Rachel, I'm gonna call you back in about thirty minutes.
Isle as a portion of it.
Refundable, No, it's not refundable. This is the feed to be a million dollar matched in stacks. So if y'all got ten grand. Y'all better if y'all have ten grand that you're willing to invest in. You know, being paired and you're someone who really cares about finances in a relationship and you want a man who has a lot of money, that is an option for you, you know,
throw ten thousand dollars at it. I'm not willing to take ten thousand of my money to invest in that because I just feel like I can the best romance for me will happen organically. You know, I'm not paying five hundred that I'm trying to see here?
How does that? How does that correlate to what we're talking about? Because it's something there with that, Right, So the woman has to have some means in order to get a man with money, right, right, And that's a I think that's another part that some women don't consider.
Right.
You want, you want a certain type of man, and that if he's not a rapper or a street nigga, like, you have to present a certain way too. You got people who be in these these there's a lot of affluent black families, right, and they be real cut throat, like they're not just letting anybody into their circle, Like, who's this outside bitch? Because you could have married one of these other bitches that we in Debutante and all this shit I can't exactly a member of exactly. It's
a mean girl. Shit goes on. So who are you some random ass bitch and where you come from?
Right? Yeah?
Like shit, get real, so are you even are you even that breed?
Right?
Do you do? You have what it takes to even keep up with that lifestyle once you get that man in the upper echelon? Like, how can you maintain.
That man? Can you maintain that man and that family that comes with that man?
Hold on, Tom, let's stay some bills.
Because do you feel like when you marry a man, you marry the family.
I used to feel like that, and I feel like it is important to have a good rapport with whoever you went with their family. But at this big age, I'm like, fuck your sister, fuck them. People ain't coming. I ain't going really well luckily.
I just always aspire to like really lock in with my my partner's family.
Yeah, I've done it in some situations and others I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, I come from a very small like I don't have like a huge family, so it would be important for me to have a healthy relationship with my partners family. I've always like prioritized that where even after we break up, the mom would still be like, I want to hook you up with my doctor, you know, like I prioritize that.
Yeah, most most of the time, like mamas love me, you know what I'm saying. Sisters hook me up with their brothers, and you know what, I definitely then happens over time, like they get some I think, I don't know if they're not. Like I always be saying, if the mom, I don't really like niggas with mamas, but if you have one, I just need her to be in a healthy relationship. I need your sister being in a healthy relationship and she's not interfering with our relationship.
Like my my my high school boyfriend, his family did not his sister and mom did not think I was good enough for him. But that's because I was from the hood and they were like upper class wax in Columbia, you know, good well. And it was so crazy because I was definitely like an honorall student. I was in all the clubs. I was like highest ranking in ROTC. I was an exchange student.
You know.
I was just very a cheerleader. I did it all and I but I just was from the hood, you know, I didn't I was a good girl, you know, but they just did not like me for any I mean, who export fast forward, we got kids with Listen, I ain't gonna put all the business out like that, but I'll just.
Say who y'all was playing with?
Yeah, who y'all was playing with? Period.
That's why. That's what That's a part of my reason for not like imagine imagine it being the opposite. Though I ain't from the hood like both of my parents, like they from the hood of the Hood of the Hoods and Charlston, but they the niggas that made it right. So I all my sisters have lived in the projects
and they was kids, but I never experienced that. My mom is still liveing in the same house that she bought that they bought her, my husband, my dad bought I don't know, a month or two before I was born, right, So that's that's stability, right. But imagine being with somebody who motherfucking people don't look like where they come from, but bit you from the hood and you treating me indifferent? Yeah, because she got all the things, like you know, she
got a little Louis bag and all that. You living in a house that's damn there, dilapidated and treating me some type of way. Imagine that Treating like I'm not good enough for your brother.
This was oh for their brother.
Yes, treating me like I'm the one that's not good enough.
That's crazy. But but being from the hood does not make you not good exactly.
It's it's all this stuff is a state of mind, you know what I'm saying, Like country is a state of mind. Hood is a state of mind. You don't have to look like where you're from, right, you don't have to be like where you're from.
Right, I agree?
And that's but that's what I was talking about with these mean girl groups, Like these people live this way. They whole lies. So even if you were the hood chick that made it, they will still be looking at you like an outsider, like you're not You're not like us.
Right, it is. It is a class system, you know that happens within our culture. But does that does that mean like, because all right, honestly, I've met some men that were like really really nice and successful and really liked me, but they were just too stuffy.
I need, like I need to I need to do it me neither, like I need to be able to be myself because I can be like that, right, but I can also I'm like renaissance woman. I can do all the things.
That's why I feel like you could take me anywhere from the White House to the our House and I can, you know, maneuver, maneuver. But I don't need someone who's just so stuffy like you laught like an englishman, get out the face. Yeah, I can't do stuffy. It needs to be balanced for me. So but maybe I need to not be so you know, maybe I need to
relax that. Maybe I don't like I'm asking him to, you know, people to accept me with my I you know, upbringing and the things that I've experienced and I can't. I'm saying, Oh, I can't date a STUFFI ass nigga. Maybe I need to date me a STUFFI ass nigga.
I don't know. I don't know. I think that I just balance is always good. I don't like anybody. That's just just one way, you know what I'm saying. I have a friend who is like raising the hood, single mama that made. Those are generally the type of men that I like. I like niggas that maiden, I like men who they just did. Just the character is just different, and it's just.
Something about a person who uh no struggle that Yeah, I think, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like they have a greater appreciation for things and wealth and relationships and I don't know, they just mo. Yeah, someone who's you know, had everything provided and give it to them their whole life. No, I could, you know what. I don't want to discredit them, because everybody's bottom is different, you know, So I don't want to like say that
about people who've been provided everything. But it is a difference. There is a difference in gratitude perhaps.
And see I even my I was not in my in my house and my upbringing, we were not provided everything. We were provided what we needed and we never went without things, right, So just real life middle class for real.
Yeah.
But I mean, like I would see people who was in the hood, they had all the New Jordan's I'm always not. I had the basic ass fucking nikes, basic, all the basic shit, like, so the things that I buy now. Is because I was a proud of those things as a kid a mama, but we always had a house, So her priorities were different because she was also a single with three fucking kids, working all day
long like a lot of other people moms. But the priorities and what was important was just different, right, So people will I have dated a nigga who judged me I would wear like wool coats. This nigga was like, you got that Manhattan jacket on? Like, what, this is a nice colt? I wanted to buy me thye of those timberlands, those thigh high timberlands that came out. I was like, your baby mama might like them. I don't like those, Like that's bit. No, they weren't.
You're talking about the knee high Uh. Yes, they had a good run. When they came out. They was cute. You had no I didn't.
Have that exactly, you ain't. But they was cute for them. It was not cute for me. I like, it weren't cute.
I'm not saying what about the Manola blons.
But then when they came out with all the knockoffs, I'm like it's over with.
Everybody came out with. That's just like the shark boots.
It's over it. I still like them, shark boots, fucking knee high ones. Yeah, the kids those are nice.
I like them too, but I don't say they over so I guess people can't worry them.
And now the same man right has strived. Right, he bought his kids at home. They don't know his struggle.
Mm hmm.
So basically you was hating on your kids because I would I represent your children. Basically, my parents tried to do all the things so that I didn't have to grow up how they did. He did all the things, so his children have to grow up like he did. But while dating me, you trying to make me feel bad because my bottom was different from yours.
Right, I still got struggle and uncarmedy children like kids, be like, oh you got daddy had.
I'm talking about grown people though, we in our fucking twenties thirties, like, and you coming at me because I have a different upbringing. Yeah, why are you dating me? Why are you dating up?
Nigga?
Stay where you say that? The fuck? That's what I'm talking about. Men are her pergamus. Okay, they're gonna date up and I met that nigga in a gas station, okay, working mopping the floor and a gas station. But when I once I spoke to him, once I talked, this is a nigga now who's doing very well in life. Okay,
I saw his potential. Then he was mopping the gas station floor by uh at this gas station where by where my apartment was at in Columbia, South Carolina, and he was working there only to get enough gas money to get to Orangeburg. Fazi's a mechanics.
Schooling me and brother. Okay, that's right, that's what I'm talking about. So why can't you catch a man there? You know what I'm saying, You can catch a man there at that point, That's.
What Umar was saying, Like black women don't catch men in progress. That's a lie. We be in progress with black men all the time. Yeah, I agree, But when a man hasn't arrived at his final destination, they are oftentimes disgruntled and mad and upset, and it takes time for them to be comfortable with their situation. Because really, guess what, nigga, you should not be.
Comfortable, right, But you don't have to be mean though, that's the thing.
But they don't have nothing.
Neither one of us are comfortable. Neither one of us are comfortable right now, but only one of us is nice. Listen, my ex bodriend. I used to come home from work and I'd be like, hey, He's like, why the fuck you so happy all the time?
Leave him? The minute the nigga says some shit like that, leave him.
I was like, I'm just happy to see I'll never forget this. He was like, why the fuck you happy so much all the time. I was like, I'm just happy, need to see you. He's like, you went to work for eight hours, you see me eight hours ago.
But imagine if you came home this is why people like abuse. Imagine if you came home with his attitude every day, he would be loving and your draws people.
That's crazy. What the fuck is so happy about? Like?
Girl a minute and nigga act like that? Too many times? Did you say too many? Little Get the fuck up out of there.
It was time to go. It got to the point where I would come home from work and just sit in the car for a little while because I knew I was gonna come into some energy that wasn't the same. It was gonna shift my spirit, you know, like y'all had a good day. I'm happy. I come in and I need to tone down my happiness to match the vibes.
And see I can't. I'm learning to thrive in any situation, but toxicity that should be crumbling me a little bit. Dog my last relationship. You know how the men be like, oh, and I've said this before. They want peace, they want piece piece piece. All men are not fucking peaceful. That's how it would be when that nigga would walk in the house. It it would be a dark cloud over anybody that's in there. Soon as you could be so
happy the sun was shining in that motherfucking bit. As soon as that keep going, that lock dark cloud.
Yeah, you got to go. And if you are listening to this and you are living in a space where your man come in and it's darkness, brothers, baby, start getting your exit strategy together there.
To live, get the fuck up out of there.
Yeah. Yeah, men and women, if you come if your woman come home and you listen to this and every time she come home, it's darkness.
Gons, it's a rainbow on the other side.
You know, I ain't gonna say just get out of there. Maybe try to navigate why is dark and fix that. But if you can't navigate why is dark and can't fix it, baby, life is too short to be sitting in the rain cloud all the time. If anybody asking you, why are you happy every time?
What you have to smile for? We got bills due, like, I'm happy to pay them. I'm happy to be able to pay my bills. To find gratitude, man, and all the things right the fuck like, that's how you get more gratitude. That's it anyway, Fuck you, doctor Lumar. He also said about Yeah. He also says some about the snow bunnies versus black women and how the black women, black men and black women Like I just said that black women will catch I mean white women, the snow
bunnies will catch men in progress? Right, black women ain't doing that. That is not fucking treating me. And the thing what y'all until y'all get to where y'all going and then somehow you don't want us no more. That happens a lot. So why should we keep putting our fucking life on the line? When do we choose us? Yeah? This is why men, this is why the podcasts are in such uproar because black women have started to choose themselves. And even if choosing yourself looks like you being by yourself,
these niggas is fucking mad. How dare you? You're the one thing that we should always have control of and care But once we realize we the fucking gods? Okay, because God is.
But I just don't want the narrative to change so we can start pairing. Like there needs to be like a major paradigm shift so we can start.
I think it's happening. It's just some of these some of these people, black men and women will just have to be thrown to the wayside. The niggas gotta get thrown to the wayside, and then we just gotta deal with black people. Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just different. It's different.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know because I'm just looking at, you know, the youth and some of the behavior and some of the it's scary, you know, it's scary. It seems very divisive, you know, the young the young people, are.
They smarter?
Yeah? I just need to know why is y'all ass out? Why are not wearing them skirts? With their ass out. I don't come in my DMS and tell me why when did that? Like, how did that become?
Girl? Bitch has been wearing their ass. You forget about freakneek and everything else. The Coucie cutters, like that's been the thing.
No, I'm talking about these little skirts with the whole booty hanging out the back.
Oh, like the Gothic ship.
It's like a little lamp shade, just like a little lamp shade over as. They don't cover the ass up at all.
Yeah, I don't know, but I mean it's no different from the Kuccie cutters. People ask what is literally hanging out?
I had Kouchie cutters back in the day, but they was not as little as these pasts come now. I'm sorry they were short, but there was not this short Cuccie cutters.
You ain't having Cuccie cutters in because Kuccie cutters literally you got the kucie. You can see it in the front and then you could see that ass hanging it from the bottom.
Oh no, I didn't. My mama wouldn't allow that.
You aboub have had some shorts with a little fringe on it. They might have been.
We would cut off our jeans. We cut up old jeans and then like cut little like little lines and then wash it and dry so it'd be like freely at the bottom.
And see that even a little frilly thing that covered the booty a little bit at the bottom. But you have they just really walk around with the ass out and at the top. When low Rides came out, remember Loki low rise jeans.
Oh yeah, and they had their little throng. Yeah, we did all I did too. I did that. I definitely had a little my little little strip on the side show.
We did all the things too. I think it's just we're just older now and looking at the things and you don't have to do all that.
I don't know, it just seemed very super suggestive. Now. Maybe it is because I'm older, older mm hmmm, because I'm so tired of looking at y'all. Motherfucking ass. I ain't gonna hold you. It ain't even good bookie. All Right, we start y'all beautiful, y'all.
Valentine's Day coming up, y'all, find y'all some love. Okay, if y'all ain't get nobody during cuffing season, uh, you still got some time. You got some time to get a little little Valentine. Niggas hate Valentine. Nigga, don't wan't give no gift by ship.
Like that's not true. Niggas to be lacking Valentine's.
They get your niggasun for Valentine's. If you got a man, get your man. I've been trying to find out, like figure out what I'm gonna get mine for Valentine's Day.
I got a good idea for y'all, for y'all Valentine's Day for a nigga, this is thoughtful. Y'all heard it here tam Ban, share this with y'all. Make go buy a photo album. Put a picture like from when y'all first started kicking it, however long that is. Put that in the front. And then the next page put like a gift card. It says, Oh, you look so good with a fresh cut. Here's a cut to pay for the bar Here's some money to pay for a barber.
VI's a gift card for sixty dollars. The next page is like, don't ever walk out of my life, and it'll be a gift card to like a where he gets his sneakers from. And then uh, pull up on me on the next page and it'll be a gas gift card. Then on the next page it'll be like I want it when I can't cook for you, but I want you to be fed, and it'll be a gift card to his favorite restaurant. And then the next page, this is just some cash because I like tricking on you,
and it just be cashing that slot. Just and then just the of all the things that your man pays for for himself, and create a slot where you help participate in that and put a cute little caption over it, and yeah, had a photo album. That'll be a cute little gift.
Then make sure your your gift that he's to gift you totals up the amount of money that you said.
Don't worry about.
That don't worry about was like trying to give the same amount of money. That mean I might as well buy my own ship.
You buy a ship. That's why you should not think about that.
Why are we doing that?
But just don't let my gift be more right m hm? Because practice like over here one Christmas and this nigga, we got each other gifts and I bought him like two expensive pairs of designer sneakers and he bought me this little Gucci wallace. I was like, I know the fuck you didn't buy me the look goddamn sticks back right, but it is what it is. I'm joking, all right,
So y'all guess what on Valentine's Day. For our Valentine's Day episode by A J. A J wants to do this because she thinks it's gonna be fun for y'all and her the love of tambaw for the love of tam Ban. We're gonna have some gentlemen suitors to shoot. They shot because I think it's gonna be fun. Yeah, that's what you said. You said, it's gonna be fun, I said, for.
Who's going if we actually, if we do some YouTube ship, I mean we can actually have people come.
Yeah, Wenna have to come. But y'all, I get nervous and awkward, so it's gonna be autism. Well, y'all know I retarded. Please said, We're not gonna speak that over me. I have I retarded, Okay, I just sometimes I get social anxiety and I might get a little weird, but it's okay.
Might start rapping, might start freestyling, fucking weird ass and like.
To stick my hands under my armpits and smell like this.
He was like, just not cool, Hi yo, man, Okay, just do what you want to do, man, love for you love. If you're comfortable by yourself, stay there. This is my last last. Stay comfortable by yourself. Then I listen to these niggas like Umar Johnson man because he don't got dance this way.
He he do drop some gems every now and then, but when it comes to.
It, be skewed when it comes to black women, man.
Like saying that women aren't into trenches and not we are. We are there for each other more than people like to give us credit for so continuing to be I think it's the light in someone's life and being the light for your own self, huh.
I think it's entitlement. They feel entitled to black women, so you don't really respect what you feel like is supposed to be given. We're not a given anymore.
No, we aren't. But we do love them, and I believe they love us. We just need to get back to a healthy dynamic with each other. Absolutely, all right, I gotta go to work.
If y'all enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect iHeartRadio app. And this is our first episode of season five.
Niggas, Yeah, happy season five? Ain't j all right? Five years y'all live?
Okay, it's what we're going into.
Yeah, I mean coratulations.
Y'all tune in every Thursday and The Black Effect iHeart Radio, Apple Way, but the fuck you get your podcast? This your co host a j Holiday two point zero on instant grams. Kick a tad oh, y'all, followed Dasha too, Dosha mink mink my cat can't Dasha mink mink. D a s h a mink mink.
Y'all, it is official. Tam Bam on Instagram social media. I love y'all so much. If nobody loves y'all, Tan Bam love y'all, But don't forget to love yourself most of all. Remember speak now. I don't know I speak now, and be peaceful.
Never hold your peace.
No, be peaceful, Speak now and never hold its Yeah.
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