Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.
Talk Talk Talk. We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion to talk.
Hey everybody, it's me tan Van. Welcome to a new episode of We Talk Back.
I love y'all. Oh wait, this shit dedicated to you lovers and what else? Ay?
J fuckers. I don't know, y'all. If you got a man for the holidays, I'm jealous. Okay, me too.
This is my ninth year not having a Valentine. Like, I got gifts and ship, but I ain't have like no real man, you know.
So niggas just dropping shit off the day before, that's what you're saying.
No, fuck you, bitch, fuck you. I know what you're implying.
Shit in the mail.
I'm getting like flowers in the mail, like are either they're not in the same state as me or it's just are they want to be with me?
But it ain't nobody I want to be with?
You know, girl, you about to fuck up all your blessings. Don't be saying that on here. What you be doing and how you be getting shit from different people? You fuck around and get nothing now.
Well, Valentine's they already passed with this.
Drop, so I already got it. I got your niggas joke.
No, I just don't have like a solid booth thing again for Valentine's Day, so.
I'm not really about it. It's all right. I mean, I feel like the last couple of holidays I didn't have anybody, but previous years I had some shit going on. But I am celebrating freedom, bitch free at last. Okay, That's how I feel.
My sister, My sister bought herself a bouquet roses. I was like, oh, that's so beautiful. I admire the self love. I'm gonna talk about you on the show. She's like, bitch, yo'll say that on the show. I'm gonna tell people a nigga bought me.
Sorry, Tanya.
I always buy myself flowers. I love fresh flowers.
Okay, I love flowers too, but I don't like to buy for myself. I honestly don't like to buy anything.
For there's that part the fuck.
I ever prefer other people to buy.
Sam's Club got the best flowers. If y'all want to buy y'all, old lady some nice flowers. Weekly go to Sam's Club. Y'all Sam's Club cars all yourself. You know, you get a Sam's Club card? What we got going on for? Stupid? Oh shit? Did I skip our weekends?
Well?
I guess that'll that's part of stupid internet news.
Is the weekend the super Bowl.
Let's just get into the super Bowl like that was everybody's weekend.
Did you do any Super Bowl party?
I did. I went to one of my good friends her mom's house, and they had a shitting dig going on with all the food and all the people. Was school. Yep, did you go to hell?
No?
I was right at the house. I maybe some savich at the house and we watched.
BJ for a super Bowl that's you're supposed to have meat.
Oh you don't eat him exactly, so let me get my seafood please, thank you?
A vegan meatball weak as hell.
And I did watch the whole game. You know. That's really the only time I watch football is to watch the Super Bowl. So I can see how.
That's the only game you watch.
I'll watch.
If I'm like with a man and he want to watch, I'll get into it, you know. But I don't just be sitting at my whole house cracking over, open a Bruski and.
Turn it on the game. Who would you go for?
I was saying little stupid shit at the party, like so, which who's the white team and who's the Red team?
On purpose, like trying to make it sound like I don't know, girl.
I literally bet some ass at forty nine. It was just gonna win. I don't give him no ass though, But I asked who wanted to give up some asks for the forty nine ers? Who wanted to bet some bookie?
And somebody took your bet?
Yep, had a few takers, And then after way after the forty nine is lost, I was like, I'm I wasn't the one giving up bookie. I was asking who wanted to give up some bookie for the bets?
But but if you if they give up some bookie, ain't you gotta give up some bookie to get the bookie?
That giving up?
No, they could have told me what they wanted their prize to be. That was my prize, some bookie from them, yes.
But that means some bookie from you. Do you realize that?
Right? Bege I lost the bet to about twenty people. Body in that ass.
Let that.
Body camp about to be stupid for the nine to nine and the twenty four.
So let's get into the sin. Sure, the whole the whole Super Bowl was the Usher show. As far as I love Usher, how did you feel about his performance?
I thought his performance was very good. I love the part when he took his fucking shirt off. Okay, I'm like, USh just making niggas getting the gym. Okay.
People were trying to say it wasn't all of that, this nigga arrolla skated dance. No, the performance dance saying has striples. Selo Edge made the pre came out her.
The weird part about it. I had never seen this, you know, based on like previous halftime shows, people comparing the current halftime to previous years, like I was seeing Michael Jackson halftime, Like why are y'all comparing Usher to Michael Jackson and Prince halftime performance? Like what has really happened?
But those are greats.
When you're being compared to the greats, then that says a lot.
So I don't know why the expectation was so high for Usher, but I feel like he delivered. I don't know what the fuck he's a living about.
He brought a the aid to the world.
I never seen strippers look so wholesome, you know, like they was up there like you know, those weren't the most family friendly strippers I've ever seen in Wilen.
Why black men be so mad and ready to rag on another black man over their fucking wives. So now everybody saw how Usha was on, had his dick on. I thought it was innocent. We see people who are married to other people entertain all the time. Why all of a sudden there's a problem when Usher does it.
Because let me tell you why it's a problem because Kei Ki Palmer and that other man had that whole issue after Usher was dancing with Kiki. So now everybody watching Usher to make sure he don't break up. No more happy homes.
But we know this nigga terrorists. I feel like he get a pass, right, he do get a pass.
Was like, it's okay, you can grind my bitch. I don't care you wash your.
Nigga Like she looked like she was a jointed too, like she remembered that meet because I remember they used to date. Yep, you gotta be real secure to let a woman's ex dude grind her for the world to see and still be Okay, they're very secure and they're marriage. Yeah. So apparently him and his longtime girlfriend. Usher and his longtime girlfriend had just like locked in a marriage certificate right before the Super Bowl. So he's getting married or he's married ship essentially.
Right, Yeah, he's married they both. I think about it.
He's a swinger.
No, I'm just saying they were swinging on stage when he was.
Booty one. Think about it, boy, I should keep a bitch despite what that doctor said, he.
Keep a low key one too. Don't do that. So we had a gad ass to our show.
Don't do that despite them tests all say I should keep him a low one. Okay, he's Usher.
He get to do what he wanted. I would say.
I wish her could have been on stage longer. I wish it was like an USh Her show.
You know USh Her, right right?
She was just there so he can do his wardrobe change.
That she played the funk out of that guitar.
I think that was pre recorded. Do you think that was live her plan?
I don't know.
I hope it was live. I don't know everything else was live. They ain't pre recorded. Alicia King, we know that.
Had to be live, but this shows us exactly how the fuck media does us like, so we just supposed to forget that we heard that fucked up note and y'all going to replace this ship in post production with a we remember.
I right?
Man, I would have called him soon as I got off stage. Y'all make sure y'all edit that ship before go out to the band, since I know they heard it the first time before that for the people who didn't hear it, they gonna hear.
It right like we be texting tale like, bitch, can you take this out about that ship out? I thought about it. Probably shouldn't say that right. That note was terrible, and I feel like the Usher ship was the least of Alicia Keys worry that first that first fucking note nearly killed her.
Right it was, man, But I give her a past because she she sound good usually.
But who knows all them ships might have been edited to?
Was Alicia Keys a singer though, the same way they be ragging on j Lo Like? I feel like Alicia Keys is very very like musically inclined like when it comes to making music, But is.
She really a singer?
She sound good at tiny desk I never listened to that.
She sound good.
I don't know.
I feel like I feel like she'd be singing on that piano.
Child.
Sometimes we let you Alicia side then hiccr Beyonce Like, oh, y'all thought y'all was doing so.
How about this?
Niggas pulling out cowboy boots and hass and everything right at the super Bowl.
Like Beyonce is a fucking virgo. When I say that bit yourselfish, she is selfish as the motherfucker. Like why you couldn't let Usher have his moment? Why you dropped to let that man have this?
She did a proposal at Usher witting that's like somebody getting engaged as somebody else's with.
Yes, girl, Like it's cool, though, I feel like what we're taking it as a ship on Usher, But maybe it was like a ship on the whole super Bowl, because I'm pretty sure just tuning in to whatever she had going on after that, after her commercial drop, two minutes later, she dropped two whole songs.
Two songs, and here come my sister calling me in the middle of the work. They talking about you want to learn how to lie dance? Get off my phone.
Beyonce said, y'all motherfuckers, ain't trying to give me this goddamn best album award. Oh okay, I got something for y'all.
Ass, I got something for y'all. But I am gonna try to learn how to line dance whichever TikTok and make it. But please don't make it like that to me. A ship, fucking mathematical class ship. I would have learned this for God.
Remember that video we had from that fucking party we hosted trying to do that. I'm gonna post that ship, bitch, because we was killing it.
Don't post it. It looked like I was getting crossed up on the basketball court.
I feel like we was killing it. I don't know about ju bitch was killing the.
Girl.
You was doing it wrong too.
We looked like drunk.
Let's go to something.
Uh.
So Beyonce apparently some people were calling into this local country station requesting them to play her new songs, and they like had to put a whole statement out, but how they don't fuck with that nigga bitch.
No, so they sent an email back saying that we don't play Beyonce. This is a country music station, And then all the Beyonce fans went crazy and was like calling, calling, calling, So then they had to put a statement out saying like we love Beyonce and we hope these songs do well and so forth and so forth, like we're gonna play it if it's country. We just basically didn't know it was country music.
But do they sound country? They sound kind of r and b ish to me.
They don't sound that song that you played earlier, the Daddy song my Daddy said you Daddy last.
That sounds more country. Yeah, that sounds more country to me.
And actually, let me tell you it was a singer, a country singer doing a cover that recently.
But let me tell you who in their country bag, and they sound really good in their country bag. I don't know if y'all heard her music, her country music, but she doing the damn thing.
So that's another thing, because people was trying to say, oh, Beyoncelett and ky Michelle Shine and Kate Michelle was like, I'm kind of problem with that, Like why do we feel like as black people, like there's not enough space for all of us? You know what I'm saying? Like ky Michelle can do that, but technically, if you listen to Lemonade. Beyonce had that Daddy's Lesson song been out there. You know what I'm saying to me, that's more country
than these two new songs. I don't see what the problem is, Like why, y'all, I don't know, child, There's always.
Some there's always something, child.
They always gott to pit us against you against each other. But y'all definitely go check out ky Michelle country music.
It's really good.
Yeah, because she what is the Country Awards? Uh show?
Yeah? Yeah, the Country Music Awards.
Yeah, she performed this year or twenty twenty three came and Shell performs. I guess Beyonce said, man, fuck that, I'm coming for them awards next year. We'll see. Because this is supposed to be like an extension of Renaissance, So this is Renaissance.
Two Act too, Act too.
Well.
I'm just kind of grateful because all that ship I bought to wear to the Renaissance tour, I can bring that ship out for one more time and have a reason to wear that shit again, because.
The fuck I'm gonna do with this ship, this hat and all this ship that I had.
But that's different though, because it wasn't she had him having people dressed like astronauts, So now you're gonna.
Be well, it wasn't, but it was like Rodeo too.
It was Rodeo kind of like with the hats and the boots and all that stuff that people had, So you can if you if you bought some of that, you can mix a match.
I'm definitely as much as the tickets was last year. I might have to wear the ship I had last year because I can't afford another one.
Shame y'all keep giving that lady y'all money.
I had acts Usher on tour too, and his tickets is Charlotte.
I was like, I'm gonna have to pray about.
Are you ain't tired, nigga? You just had that long ass residency in Vegas, you just did the Super Bowl, and now you're going on tour ship tax man after that ass obviously, y'all. Let's get into our batty for this week for February. Y'all know, we try to, you know, give a little shout out to people who make impressions on the culture then and now. And this week we're going to talk about scizza. Okay, because Sissa is on
motherfucking fire. Take a few Grammys two weeks ago, and right now, Sissy is also celebrating so Os, her last album, becoming the first album by a black female artist to spend over a year in the top ten on the Billboard two hundred chart. Okay, I'm still listening to Control like it came out yesterday. Sism makes some real timeless music, like she's one of my favorite rbr.
It sounds so good. She'd be having me and my feelings though, I'd be like waking up happy. I'll put on Scissa and I'd be like, I don't.
Know, No, I don't think sism music don't make me feel like that. She has a way of her music has a way of like taking like fucked up shit, but like you become the hero by the end of the song.
It's good, but I don't know. Sometimes the mood and the song be melancholy, you know, and it just affects my spirit a little bit. I love it, though, don't get me wrong, because sometimes that's the mood I want.
Hmm. I didn't feel like that with so Os. I don't feel like I feel like that with the songs off of Control. It's just it'd be fun, fun songs, fun songs about fucked up shit like I'm never going back to the strip club, never going back. I don't know. I like it. Shout out to Sissy. Y'all is a baddie who talks dag.
Y'all, we got another wife, the Happiest Wife. This is part two and it's exciting and it's Lovers Week. We'll be right back, y'all.
All right, guys, I don't know if you listened last week, but we had a guest on talking about being the happiest wife, and we had to come back with a part two because it was just so good. So today we have Jamila Watkins's mallet on. I found her Instagram. She was one of the ladies that was like, I am the happiest wife. She didn't have to be tagged, she said for herself. She's the owner and operator of Jamila Divine Interiors and Lifestyle. She's a designer that was
on Married to real Estate on HG TV. She's a relatory at Indigo Road Realty, and she is a graduate of Spelman University.
Thank you you're a happy wife.
Okay, most important.
I am thank you for having me.
Yes, girl, thank you for joining us. We appreciate you.
I know you was like, who is this random lady in my DMS talking about my marriage?
I for you know, I forgot all about that. I was just chiming in and then I was like, oh, okay, I mean that works. Yeah, So Jamila, tell us what makes you the happiest wife? I am the happiest wife because my husband allows me to be me. He gives me grace to grow, and he supports me. He supports everything as you can see, like just what you said, Like, I'm a I'm a designer, I'm a real estate agent, I'm on TV. I'm also a mom of an eight
year old. I'm sorry he's nine now he'll be mad like my year a nine year old he just turned nine, and two bonus sons who are in high school. So I have a lot, a lot going on and he's extremely supportive and gracious with me through everything that I'm doing. And because I've been through a lot in my life, he's just been someone who doesn't allow me to use my traumas as a crutch but to you overcome that
victimhood and just really standing who I am. I feel like he sees me for exactly who I am not who he wants me to be, not who social media thinks that I am like he sees me for me, and he accepts that, and so it allows me to grow and flourish and show up the best way that I can every single day.
How did you guys be?
So I met him? It's funny because I met him maybe twelve years ago. My friend used to work at his barbershop. He's a barber, and we met very briefly. But if you let him tell it, when we met, I wasn't paying him any mind. He said that I was trapping. I was not trapping. I was doing hair. I say. He said I was trapping because I had two phones, And so he came to the car to say she introduced him to me, and I didn't even
look up, like I know that I met him. I talked to him, but I didn't se him cause I didn't look up because I was working on two phones. Mine kid was like eighteen at the time, trapping, trapping bungles and doing so ins and all of that. And so we met very briefly. Twelve, you know, twelve, It could be more than that. Now I keep saying twelve. I was saying that when we first met, so maybe fourteen years ago. And so fast forward my sister, who
I had just met. Long long story, like, I found out my dad was not my dad, and then I found out I had all these siblings. And I met my sister and she was already planning to move to Atlanta because she had you know, she was the barber as well. So she started to work in his shots, and she introduced us because when she came in town, we all went bowling with my niece, her daughter, my friend and her son and me and my son. We went bowling, and so he came with his son just
to hang out. And so when I met him, now, mind you, and he doesn't like when I say this, He won't he won't agree to it. My sister told he was looking for an interior designer. My sister was like, Oh, my sister's an interior designer. Here's her page. I followed up because I'm a follow up with you. Oh you're looking for Yeah, So I slid in his DM, sent him all my credentials and all of that, and he left me on red. So I had a bone to pick with him. When I saw him, I'm like, I
messaged you and you left me on Red. I don't remember meeting him though, so I don't know him as far as I'm concerned. I don't know him and he doesn't know me. And so he's just like looking in my eyes like real deep, like while I'm talking to him, I'm like, hello, you left me on Red, and like he's still just like looking at me. And so I'm like, I start getting entrapped in this gaze. He's like got
these light, honey brown eyes, just doing a lot. He got the little like, he got everything I like going on. So I'm trying to focus, and so I see where this is going. And I told him it's gonna it's either gonna be business or it's gonna be pleasure because I'm picking up what you're putting down right now, So let's go ahead because I don't do both. And so this is all probably within like three minutes. Like you're like, that's how he was doing a lot. He was doing
a whole lot. So I put my number in his phone. No, he put his number in my phone and his name came up, and I'm like like, I don't know why your numbers on my phone, And I'm like maybe I wanted to because I cut my hair a lot. And I'm like, sudden, I'm like, I'm like, I'm not a creepy. I don't know why your numbers in my phone, Like I just don't understand. So we're trying to walk it back, like how do we know each other? I'm like, maybe I wanted to get a haircut because I cut my
hair all the time. And he's like one of the best in the city and he is, if not the best, and I'm not just saying that. And so we figured out that it was my friend that worked in the shop and La Da because he used to really look out for her and I used to look out for her as well, like and so I I'm that mom friend. So I'm like, send me the number of who you're with. I've always been that way, send me who you're going
to be around. Who is this? So I so I had his number in my phone forever thanks to Apple, because you know them contacts stay for your lives for life. And so that literally that night after the Bowling Alley, I went home and we were texting and we met up. That night. I dropped my son off and my sister and my niece and they stayed at the house, and I went to his house and we talked like forever. It felt like forever. It's probably two hours, but it
felt like forever. And we were inseparable ever since. There were you that day?
Oh okay, So y'all got together during COVID.
Well it was right after COVID.
It was COVID was twenty twenty it was.
It was spring twenty twenty one. So you know, we were all outside, even though we weren't especially it never should do. What is it? What is the uh what? I don't know what that is? Yeah, we was outside, no mask, no mask. So how did like, how did he propose? Like what was the how did he know he.
Was ready for marriage? How did you know you were ready for marriage?
Like? So we both were married before. So he had gotten divorced a few years ago. I was just getting divorced actually, and I just wasn't in a rush to like be in another relationship. But I knew that from the moment that I met him, that I wanted to be with him. Literally probably that week we was exchanging I love you like like we we just knew, and but I wasn't in a rush to be in a relationship. I wasn't like I've never been that person of like, what is this, what are we doing? I just haven't
And so I think that was April. We met in August. We were at home. We were at my house hanging out, and he just asked me to marry him with no ring either, so I thought he was just talking, you know. So the next morning when we woke up, I was like, you know, he asked me to marry you, right, He was like, yes, and we're gonna go get your ring because I want you to pick it out because he knows me that I'm all about I'm very particular with
aesthetics and stuff. So I guess he was like, I'm not finna stress myself out and you act like you like this ring and you don't.
So that's a good man.
So we went and we were right right right, so, and that was new to me. And he didn't get on one knee or nothing. We were just laying in bed and he asked me, now, I give you the premise that we were both married before, so I guess both of us are. We're just we don't need the big balloon arch with the marquee letters and the pedals in the ourway and the videographer and the this and the that, like I don't need it. I don't and he knows that about me as well, Like we're just
kind of to the point people. But I really thought he was playing because there was no ring. You didn't get on one knee. So when he did get my ring, I already had it on. I took it off. I said, Okay, now you gotta get on one knee. Very very very raggedy. Not the most romantic music engagement story.
But.
Wise, yeah, it wasn't like, you know, not all of that. So that that's our engagement story. And then I guess, like a month later we just started planning the wedding and then we got married. So we got engaged in August of twenty twenty one, and we got married of September.
Twenty months engagement, well not even three months, you guys, met in April, got engaged in August, and married September the next year, September twenty so it was about eighteen months. Yeah, what do you enjoy best about Like, what do you enjoy most about being married?
I like having a partner and having it's the support and the partnership, which is something that I had to let me take that back. I mean, that is a good thing, it's a great thing. But what I enjoy most about marriage is like learning about myself, because you know, people will tell you that marriage is like holding a mirror.
And so he's ten years older than me as well, so I learn a lot from him, which is different because I feel like in past relationships I was the one always teaching, and so it is an adjustment to be with somebody who has that wisdom. Sometimes they could be older but still child. So it's not really about age, but the way that he the way that he communicates,
the way that he lives his life. He's very disciplined and so for me, and he's a creative, but he showed me that just because you're creative doesn't mean that you cannot have structure. And so he's taught me structure. He's taught me accountability, not making excuses like accountability is like a big thing, and so that's something. Yeah, it's something that I had to adjust because I've always been and I've changed this over time intentionally. I was always
like the smartest one in the room. That's a bad thing. You know, that's not a good thing. I was always kind of a leader in every situation, whether it's like a relationship. I won't say a relationship because my previous marriage, I wasn't necessarily the leader, but like in friendships and business and all of that. And I realized how much that was holding me back. So having to learn how
to humble myself has been a big thing. And I think when you're like a really high functioning woman and you've achieved a lot, you don't know how to take a back seat. We always say that we want somebody to take the rings and take the back seat, but our defense mechanisms and our trauma will not allow us.
To do it.
And so it's a real thing. It's not that easy to sit back and let somebody take the reins. However, you don't just get the reins just because you're the man, right, Like he showed me consistently that he was a leader and a provider. Like his number one thing was making sure that me and my son were comfortable. Notice I said, me and my son at his house. He had a he had an extra room. He said, get the bed. Mind you. This is like we met in April this
was May. He switched his mattress to the mattress that I like. Coming back, he went and got all my feminine products, all the honeypot, hey, honeypot. Make sure he had that at the at the house for me. Told me, gave me his credit card to go get my son a bed and a mattress. He had a PS four no PS five at his dad's house, so he wanted to make sure that he had a PS five at my house. I mean at his house. He's just done all the things to show me that I could trust him,
and so I did. But where I think a lot of women mess up is that there are good men out there and they will show you. But we look at it like uh uh, what do you want from me? Like why are you doing all of this? It's like what do you mean crazy? Like I'm doing this because I see that there is a need, like I'm doing this. But I think women are too focused on you know, is he giving me stacks of cash? Burking bags? And its started early now like my son in high school.
These girls really want them want these little boys to buy them purses, like what.
Like designer bags?
Yes, this boy is on a meal plan. A bad.
It's y'all millennial parents' faults, because y'all be rich as hell with these damn kids.
I didn't have no designer clothes, nothing.
I barely had nikes until I started babysitting by my first hand.
I asked my friend the other day, what was it that we were requiring from boys in high school?
And I just was like, now, you had to have a car to fuck with me, Okay, you got.
To be able to bring in high school.
Yes, I wasn't talking to people in high school. That's the problem.
I wasn't either.
I wasn't.
You had to be able to bring much money.
Okay.
Where I messed up was having a car. Still, it was not a requirement. I had a car, and I was giving I was giving niggas game money, and I said it trash, trash behavior. I told you, I was always raggedy, very much raggedy, Like what like, I can't even, I can't even. I just I had life really messed up in misconstry, and I learned over time, like I was on my journey before I met him, but he kind of just showed me like, no, you can't do it like this.
So one of the questions I was trying to ask our last guests because I think that how people are raised does reflect on, you know, how they view relationships, how they view marriage, what kind of you know, when I was going to going into super detail, like what kind of uh family background has he come from?
So he he was born in Jamaica, he came over here and he was Yeah, so that that kind of answers a lot of questions, like, oh, okay, got it. Yeah, So he was born in Jamaica. He came to America when he was nine. He was raised by his stepdad and his mom when they got to the States. But he had you know, there were some a lot of trials and tribulations and without you know, just saying too much.
He didn't have a childhood like when we talk about cartoons or things that kids would do like that, you know, back when he was growing up. He can't relate because he was driving trucks and he was working and he was like really doing hard work, like driving a truck at like ten, like without a CDL.
Nothing about right, I got shree jobs. That's about it, right, Yeah, Yeah.
So he he doesn't he knows how to provide, that's all he really knows how to do. I think that, like he he showed me how to have fun as well. But I think that I showed him how to like relax and enjoy life a little bit more. So he gave me the discipline I gave him, you know, the like the relaxation, like take care of yourself, like slow down, like it's okay. So yeah, yeah, mh. So that's how he that's how he grew up. So he is a very like no nonsense person, like to the max.
What's his sign?
He's a Leo last day of Leo, cusp of Virgo. Oh shit, and he was born in Jamaica and raised in Queens.
What's your sign?
I'm an aries okay, So does he have like strong, like masculine like head of household energy, like very almost because Virgo men always sometimes are very like like toxic masculine to the point where it's just like too strong sometimes, you think, so sometimes you.
Had to be like I think Virgos are pimps the men and women.
Yeah, the energy is very strong, almost toxic masculinity, you know, like traditional roles and things like that.
So he's not he's actually not like that. I think we're the virgo because virgos are planners, Like they say, the best wedding planners and all of that are virgos. He is like very organized in a planner. And then the leo. It's definitely a high, high, high, high level of confidence. So to a lot of people it reads as arrogance because he's very much I said what I said, so,
but I don't get toxic masculinity. I actually enjoy it because it's refreshing because I think nowadays the roles are like reversing, Like he cuts a lot of women's hair, and it's a lot of stories about women being the providers, and like it's like, we just don't. We don't rock that way now. He doesn't really care about traditional roles. We don't do traditional roles, but we do in the
sense that the man should provide and have provision. However, he believes that a woman should always have something for herself. So he's really not into having like a housewife type of thing. Yeah, which I come from that. In my previous relationship, I was like to stay at home mom, stay at home wife. I have my businesses and stuff. I've always been an entrepreneur, but it was like a submissive kind of thing. And so I am someone that
is just very submissive. Whether or not he values it, I know that it works for the relationship and we do submit to each other. But I am proudly a submissive wife.
Does that look like for you to be a submissive wife? Because we talk about that shit all the time, and the internet talks about it all the time. And like you said, you guys submit to each other. That's where I lean more towards somebody may be better at something. This person may be better at something, you know, So you guys waiver in that way. But what does it look like for you to be a submissive wife?
So I take care. I take care of the house, like to me, that is my job to make sure that the house is stocked, to make sure that I cook. He actually doesn't want me to do all of that because I have so many things going on in business. He wants me to like relax a little bit. But it's a double edged sword because we can't keep eating out because I'm trying to unbig this back. So it's in the best interest, Yes, it's in the best interest
of everybody that we eat at home. But I enjoyed cooking for my family, Like if I don't get to cook for them, it starts to make me sad, like because I really love to care for my family. Like the boys have color coded towels, like these are your towels, These are your towels, These are your towels. However, I don't do like he told me not to do laundry. So I do my laundry. I do my son's laundry
because he's a everybody else does their own laundry. I do clean most of the time, but that's because he's at work most of the time. I'm flexible because I'm here, there, everywhere with my job, so I try to stay on top of the cleaning. However, I am getting to a point now where I am like it's about to be delegation nation because I can't. I can't do it anymore. So I'm like pick, I'm picking the things that I
can do while still balancing work. But I guess another way that I'm submissive is I I let him make the big decisions. We consult, but the default is that he's going to make the decisions for the for the family and what we're doing.
So but let me ask you this, so in the instance that you don't really agree with the decision, you still allow him to make that decision for the family.
I think at that point, if it's something where we need to do that, we'll have a conversation about it, but he's gonna get the final work. And I feel like, God ain't throwing me yet because maybe that is so hard for me right there, but because if it makes sense, I just trust him because everything that he does, he's very calculated in everything, and for me, I know that my strong suit. Like I'm a big picture person. He's
a fine detailed person. He's a detail oriented person. So if it's something I'm looking at the big picture, I'm like, we should definitely just do this, and he's like no because of this, But I also have a very short attention span, so I'm just like whatever, Like you know, we're just gonna see where the chips fall.
But he has not.
He has not led us astray yet. It's we're going on three years being together and he has not led us astray. I'm always looking at a track record, and I am somebody that takes risks. I take risks and business. I take risks and love and I like to follow God's plan for marriage. I think that it's there for a reason and that people should try it out before they try to change it up and change all the rules. Because it's not just because the man is just more superior.
It's that God knows our our capacity for things. He knows as what a woman's capacity is, he knows what a man's capacity is. And if everybody is striving to be like at the top and strive toward that capacity and what they're doing, then I think that the family and the household will, you know, stay afloat and will prosper. Hm.
Let me ask you this co parenting and things like that.
You know y'all will not.
I guess it's not co parenting.
What would you call it? Y'all have a blended family? How does that work? Because he has kids from a previous relationship and you have a son from a previous relationship.
How's that working.
I'm gonna just leave them off. I will say this. His ex wife and myself we have a very great relationship. She's also remarried, and so our side of the world me him, his ex wife, her husband, the kids her. So he also has a step son, his dad, and her wife. We're good. On my side. God's still working. I'm gonna just say that. Oh yeah, yeah, he's also remarried.
It's a work in progress, and it definitely has grown me up and gotten me closer to God in terms of forgiveness, in terms of patience, patience, and grace, because at the end of the day, the kids are, you know, are the ones who suffer. And so I have just been working on regardless of how I feel or how I feel I've been wronged, or how he feels he's been wronged or whatever, I have been taking the stance. And I'm not gonna say it's been a long time.
It's still recent developments. Okay, this is very now, like two weeks ago. I'm just.
But you said, the kids are the ones who suffer. The kids are the ones who suffered most.
Because if my latest relationship that bitch took me through it, I definitely suffered.
So the kids suffered most.
Though, yeah, I mean we suffered too. But I have looked at my relationship with my mom and my dad. Now, I told y'all before I just found out my dad was not my dad, and so they both knew that he wasn't my dad. But so there's that trauma there and this is now. There was already some trauma there and now there's even more because the recent developments. And so I'm trying my best, like into my life's work, not to f up my kids as much as possible. And I'm still human, So i still want to go off.
I still want to get my lip back. But you have to question, like, if you say you love your kid, this is a part of loving your kids, because people are like, I love my kids, my kids, my kids. But you are hooping and hollering and fighting in front of your kid, You are talking badly about the other parent. You are, you know, exposing them to things that it might seem like they're okay because kids are very resilient.
But I'm not trying to have a conversation with you when you're thirty five about you did this to me, You did that to me, you did because I'm have a because I do our parents right, how we do our parents. I'm gonna have a big, big attitude with
you because do you know what I went through? Right at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to a kid, like all they know is that what they're especially when they grow up, like, all we know is that we have so much that we went through and now it's blocking us from being able to be like regular functioning adults. Whatever that is, whatever that is, because what is that? We don't at this don't know what
that is. We're all in therapy. Everybody's in therapy. We're from no therapy to everybody's in therapy.
That part because everybody is not in therapy.
Yeah.
So you got big business, your big realtor, you have the big.
Convinual.
I don't know that. I don't want to call it home decorating, your interior, design, your interior. How do you balance your personal life because you still have you right and then the union or because I know some women they just like be like super co dependent on their partner. You won't even talk to them no more once they get a man, honey, So how do you balance you know, your personal life and also having a union or is it one and the same. Now you don't have a personal life anymore.
So I actually have an amazing personal life, Like I have an amazing social life. I'll say that. And I had to work toward it because I was I was that wife before, where I'm just about my family, my husband and my kid, Like, no, I can't go to the point I stopped getting invitations to things, and you you want to be salty, like not like they turn their back on me. No, you just fell off the face of the earth. And people had to move on with their life. Don't Nobody got time to be babysitting you,
trying to coach you to come out. And so I made I had to just be intentional, like I was intentional about I want like all my friends. Like I went from really having no real social life having a lot of backstabbing friends. We were in my previous marriage, he was like very successful. Everybody was kind of mooching off of him, like sweets at the at the games, you know, big parties, car service, all of that.
So we had a lot.
Of people around us that wanted to be around us just for what they could gain. And so I did have friends. And this is what we don't realize is we do have good people around us. We're just too concerned dealing with all of that over there. So luckily, by the time I got I was getting remarried, Like I went from literally no real friendship dynamics to eighteen women at my bachelorette party, all close friends. Literally, even like,
how do you have eighteen close friends? I'm trying to wonder the same thing, like, but but these women, like they showed up for me. They continue to be my community. You know, we don't all hang out together. I have different pockets of friends, but so I have them. They're move you know, they're growing in their life, they're getting engaged, they're having kids. So because I had kids so early, because I was married so early, they're going they're you know,
experiencing those things now. So we can kind of relate and they can kind of give me grace and understand why I was the way that I was because it is hard to manage. But having female friendships and having sisterhood is literally like the cheat code to life. And my husband supports that. Yeah, my husband supports that. It was weird at first. He was like, you're not going out with your friends. I'm like, now I'm with you. Oh, we're gonna be together. Like that was just how my
mind works. It's like my man, my man, my man. We do everything together. And he is a little bit older, and it used to hurt my feelings at first, but I had to understand, like it's okay to have a life outside of marriage, and he gave me permission to have a life outside of marriage. Like if I have to work late, He's like, that's what you do when you're building a business. It's okay to work late. Like he's not on me because I have to be here or I have to be there. You know, he saw
how much he just jumps into help. So instead of ragging on me, he thinks of solutions to help me, Like we had. You know, I'm trying to do all of this. I'm loading my car, hiring moving services and stuff. He bought me a sprinter van, a cargo man okay and right, and he bought me my personal car literally in the same month. But that's not a flex at all.
It is.
So what we're is, you gotta have some money to be a good husband. Okay. I think that it helps.
That it helps. Money helps, for sure, But he's not somebody that's gonna He does buy me things, but I don't really value that a whole lot, like a lot of expensive gifts. I like experiences and I like for things for my business. I like my business to be invested in because I have a lot that I want to do. So that's where that support. Where I start off by saying, like the best thing about marriage is
like the support. That is what helps me, because I think the biggest thing with women, especially moms and wives is the guilt of like, if I do this or if I case my dreams, then I'm gonna be leaving my family behind because you know, they're gonna have their like you're not here, you know all of that. And my son he's still very like I don't want to say clingy, but he's a boy. He's a you know, he's a mama's boy. So if I'm working a lot,
he does explain that to be to me. But my husband is very intentional about spending a lot of time with him as well, even though we both work a whole lot. Like he's the one that plans all the different trips or activities and things like that. So if I'm working, he'll take him, Like my son will go to the barbershop with him. Then they might go get ice cream, or they'll go to the mall. They're like doing all these things. So it's not like my son is just sitting at home alone or bored or just
on his video games or things like that. So it helps. And I think the reason why I'm I don't I don't want to say that I'm balancing right now like Egypt who owns Indigo Road, the real ty the real estate firm that I work for, and the show that I'm on. She said this in an interview. She said, you can have it all but not at once, but not all at once. So it's just understanding seasons, like there's a season for this, there's a season for that.
And if you want to have a season of like relaxation and self care and all of that stuff, I think you need to intentionally work toward it, like I'm a grind it out right now because I know in six months I really need to sit suck down, like I need to relax. And so that I don't really believe in balance. I don't think that it exists. I think you have good days and you have bad days. There's gonna be days where you're really really tired. It's gonna be days where you're crying, Like I'll be driving
crying because I'm tired. But at the end of the day, this is what I ask God for so I try to have a like a state of gratitude right because I really am living my dreams and being able to see, especially like with Egypt to seeing how she runs her business and seeing how she has you know, she has kids, and she has a husband. She works with her husband, and I see days that she's very tired, and I
see days that she's on top of it. And so seeing her has been a blessing because it doesn't it allows me to not look at what I'm going through and like getting a pit like oh I'm bailing, Like no, this is just part of it. The ebbs and plus, this is just part of it. There's really no easy way. I've been working for myself since I was twelve, literally, and I have clients that have been working with me in some capacity, you know, the same ones from when
I was twelve. I'm doing their houses. I used to be hearing. Now I'm doing their houses. And it's like there is no shortcut. It's gonna be hard. Like a husband is not gonna fix it. It's gonna help, you know, he's gonna help if he's a good one. But you know the things that we think we need to be successful or to have like this life. We really that's
not necessarily the key to it. The key is to kind of like just chill out and understand the ebbs and flows of life and to be in a state of gratitude as much as possible.
All the pieces of creat we know marriage is. Marriage could be so wonderful, right, But on the other side, you know, it is work. I feel like relationships are work. I don't know. I would love a relationship where it doesn't feel like work. But anything worth having you gotta work at it. So what are some of the ways, like you and your husband when y'all have disagreements? Like,
how do y'all have constructive disagreements? I guess I don't know constructive arguments, But how do y'all have no conflict in your partnership?
So I will say this, it was an adjustment being in a healthy relationship because I thought when you argued it was like World War three is silent treatment. It might be a lot of like aggression and violence and all kinds of things. But for him, he will just take a minute. And I wasn't used to that. I'm like, no, we need to talk about this now. For him, it's like he just won't talk, and I took that as
like stonewalling and silent treatment. That was kind of my trauma's kind of coming in, like oh, here we go again, because that's when you've been in traumatic situations, your your intens are up because you're like, oh no, here we go and put myself in another situation, you know. And I had to really calm down with that. So with our disagreements, I've learned to just give him space, like
that's what he needs. I don't need space. I want to talk about it now, but I have learned to just journal it, get my feelings out, everything that I want to say, get it out, pray about it, and then if I'm still hyped up, then he's gonna get that long text message. I just feel like, you know, I I still do that because it's like no, I
need you to under like understand. But yeah, yeah, I tell people that because when I work with some of my clients that have been through like similar situations and like relationships and Trump and stuff, I'm like, just right, write out your feelings or write the apology that you want that you may not ever get, like, just write it for yourself and give give yourself the apology because you might get it, they might come to their senses or you won't.
So you kind of you write an apology. Ask them. Mhmm, ask them. Okay, that's interesting.
But if if that's the if that's the apology that you need, then write it out. Yeah, and then you know, sometimes I will apologize to myself for allowing myself to be put in that in that situation, even in our marriage, Like I feel like there's some ways where I get beside myself and I might get very emotional about it, knowing that I should not have been that emotional about it, and so I just forgive myself for like allowing my traumas to lead me as opposed to just really like
thinking clearly through things and learning that feelings are not facts. I really like moved through life off of my feelings for a long time, and so he taught me how to see things for what it is and handle it for what it is. I think that he like he's he's a Leo Burgo cusp, and so he doesn't apologize, Like he doesn't say I'm sorry, like it's not in his vocabulary. But he has other ways in which he takes accountability, but like to say I'm sorry. Like I had to learn my mate in that what he like,
how did I say this? I used to hang on to the fact that he would not say I'm sorry or I apolologize, and I had to understand that that's not in his language, and that I need to kind of look through and sift through what he's saying to understand that, oh, that was an apology and that was accountability. Because I'm gonna keep running it through until I get my I'm sorry. No, don't say me no means don't talk about power episodes. No, I want to hear I'm sorry, and then we can move on.
That's how our parents used to say.
They did some nerds right, And I'm like, I don't want to sweep. I don't want I don't want to sweep anything under the rug, like in this relationship, like we need to handle everything head on. But at the same time, just because that's how I do things, I can't expect him to do things like that. But we have started to learn each other's styles, and so I have gotten It's only been once where he said I'm sorry, and I wanted to have a whole parade like, you
say it again. What you say, say it loud, let me record you next time I can't hear you. Well, I'm like, yes.
I'm not like that. I don't need sorries. I don't like sorry either, Like I hate saying sorry. So I tried to do things to have to apologize for it. Right, But if you're with somebody who's always quick with an apology. We could take Kanye West for an example. Kanye keep apologizing to the uh uh, to Jewish people, them people. Okay, he keeps apologizing, but at the same time, he keeps violating. Right, So don't apologize to me if you're going to keep violating.
I like behavior. Change behavior is a great apology. You never have to say I'm sorry, aj, you just do the right thing going forward. So does he at leave yet in correct in that way so that he didn't have he doesn't have to apologize like the word.
Yeah, that's that's his thought process. It's change behavior for sure, And I just need to make sure that I'm keeping my intennas up for the change behavior and not taking it for granted. I think that's a big thing in relationships, is to be very in tune to when your your spouse is making those changes, because you know this is not school. I don't need to be like, hey, I did this today, I'm changing my behavior.
You know.
It's like we don't need to be accountable in that in that way, but we do need to keep our intent is up in our eyes open for when our spouse is doing better or making changes, and that's where the grace comes in. And and then sometimes when he doesn't see that I'm changing, then I'll get my megaphone, like you don't see that I turned off all the lights yesterday, Like you're talking about today, but did you
see yesterday? Though all the lights were off yesterday. But I'm like, no, you're gonna take no, you're gonna acknowledge you. And see I turned the alarm on all day y e time I left house. And then it's this one time I miss today and now you're on me. I'm like, no, let's let's roll Tate back because I've been trying.
Patty Pendergrass, Yeah, like I've been trying.
Like you're not gonna say that I don't care, because that's my thing when people kind of make it, try to make it seem like I don't care. About something when I know I'm intentionally trying, but I just have so many things going on in my head. I'm like, I'm not gonna always get it right, and that's the grace that I give myself, and I feel like everybody else is just gonna have to deal with it. Like I'm literally doing the best that I can with all
of these things that I have going on. Like I'm doing my best.
Yeah, but just don't forget to turn the alarm on.
The alarm is on, stay right now, I remember.
Going as we're just concerned about your well being.
He is.
That's where a lot of our arguments is either going to be cleaning, because he's Jamaican and he's like everything needs to smell like fabulous, so like he's very like organized, like very clean, and I'm not like the messiest person, but I be, you know, I'm not like that. So we argue about that, and then we mostly argue about things like turn the alarm on, turn the lights on and all off.
Or like me being forgetful. My ex used to get really upset with me because I never tightened the lids on the season it's real good. So he picked it up from the.
Top and my god, damn it, that's the reason to get mad though, Like real, but I just forget and I do most of the cookie.
You never usually use any of the seasons. And in my head that's tight, you know, But I guess that's to me. I'm like, I know how to maneuver because I'm the one in here all the time. So I'm not cleaning for you. I'm cleaning for me. The way that I organize everything is because I'm gonna do it. He be wanting to help, and I'm like, I don't want you to help because when he helped and he's upset, then he starts slamming, slamming stuff. He's gonna make sure
that you know that. He's like closing the cabinet pops and pants clanking around. I'm like, you can, you can go.
I would do right, and I'd be like, nigga, if you know, I don't chop it up good picking up from the bottle.
That's how I know.
Like, I'm not check it first because it may not be right. Yeah, I shouldn't have to do that.
I'm like, man, all relationships is about cleaning up and fixing up ship behind the next person. That's all it is. Really, I never can plan. And when I tell y'all used to get pictures of weaves, strands of weave on the floor for my ex but right next to my strand of weave, it's gonna be some coily here. It could be pupi hair or bard here. But your hair is right next to my strand of weaves, so you don't see that. But when I come in, I just sweep
up everything. I don't care that your hair is on the floor next to mine or just your hair comna clean up. That's just petty ship. That's a ship of relationship.
What you want to eat?
No, let me say no, my nigga, what used to piss me off? And I don't care what nobody said? He would like hoop and forget to flush the toilet?
Oh hell no, there were there tissueing there. Okay.
I did not want to see your ship, sir flush the toilet.
Oh my god, no I would. I wouldn't be able to.
Yeah, that's annoying.
That was no.
Wont forget that? How do you forget that?
It is there floating like.
Good morning to you, hanging.
Out and we went We wanted to have made it. We wanted to make. We did.
Make shitty eyes.
No. No, I'm like, no, that's not going to work.
No Clinton. It's like I have revised my list of things I want in a mate, because you have to be as clean as me. You have to wash as much as I do, and you have to be as clean as that. Because I realized I.
Don't nobody wash as much as you.
You never if you're looking for a nigga that's gonna wash seven times.
I've had a couple. I've had a couple of them twice a day. Okay. I washed when I wake up, and I wash when I go to sleep. Yeahs. On a situation, if it's summertime, it might be three to.
Four Ajil, come and stay at my house.
My water bill go up by sevens.
Here a couple of days, take a lot of I take a lot of showers. So he said that, He was like, you like, why do you take like three four showers.
In a day?
You like it? It's my thinking time. It's meditation for me. Like if I go outside and come back in, like I like the feeling of getting straight into bed, like with fresh skin. So if I just took a bath, go outside, do some ship. I gotta take another bathroom before I hit my sheets.
It's just no listen, like.
A shower and then go to the parking garage and come back and need another shower.
That's ridiculous, bro.
Because sweat.
Even if I showered before date night, we come home, it could have been like three hours past. I gotta take another shower before I get it back because I went outside. So y'all, y'all would go on to day, y'all would get showered, have a day with your man, and like, all right, you don't have to eat. How this mea?
But if y'all have.
Sex fresh, yes, you're gonna get.
You're gonna have a shower before you have sex.
And then after.
I might have one after. But it just depends on the vibe. Because if we coming here and we kissing and.
We're taking everything off, I ain't trying to stolo wait unless I don't unless I don't feel fresh, unless I'm like, let me freshen up, because I feel like it's it was a little high.
Other than that, I'm not stopping.
You know. If it's like that, then you know, you just go with the flow. But if we come home and like you know he might be downstairs doing something or putting the food up or whatever. I'm literally like running up the stairs to get undressed because I gotta take all this makeup off. And if I'm gonna do that, then I might as well just take a shower too hours.
Okay, see I'm not the only one mental illness, Like what you do?
You gotta be clean, Like I'm very particular about stuff. I learned that a lot of grown women do not know about, like hygiene and like not using the same soap. I know it's off topic, not using the same soaps, Like you got your face soap, you got body soap, and then you have your you know, your intimate soap, like imaginal soap. It's it's and you can't have everything mixing together and your peace off, like your pH should be, Like you should not smell like anything.
Water y'all like war you should be.
And if you're not, that's okay, But you need to understand that that may not be like healthy. I think some people might have, you know, some type of center whatever. But anyway, I digress a go all day it'll turn into a whole woman's health episode. Do you have any advice for women who are looking for love are there in a relationship that might be stagnant.
Their marriage is like not what it needs to be right now. Do you have any advice?
So, women that are looking for love, I would say that you need to be very I think that you should have like a list of like things that you're looking for. You know, women have their list or whatever. I think that's good, but you gotta have what you should be looking for in a man. One is how he treats his mother and how he treats the women in his life, because that is how he's going to treat you. No if inns or buts about it. It could be good for the first couple of years, but
it's going to show. So that's one. Two. I think that a man doesn't need to be making six figures and all that kind of stuff, but you need to be paying attention to character and discipline as it pertains the finances and how he stewards over what he has right now, because in today's society is very easy to make money. Like you can make money, you can start something, and you know you can do that, you can fix that. But a man that does not steward over his money directly is a very big red flag.
Girl.
Let me tell you.
I was talking to this guy and I was like, you know what, I kind of like him.
He's cool.
He told me he lost fifty thousand dollars gambling in this past football season, and I was like, oh, absolutely a wasteful.
Absolutely not No, those are those are signs, and that I guess that would lead me to my third I don't really have it just outlined, but the third thing
is don't ignore those flags. And you would think that that's self explanatory, but it is not, because when at the demise of a relationship, when you look back, you could literally walk it out like all the signs that were there, like stop trying to romanticize, like toxicity and struggle and laziness and complacency, like stop trying to romanticize it. Like when I said feelings versus facts, you have to
be factual. And what I did in our relationship early on, when my you know, my triggers and all of that, I feel like they were trying to get the best of me. So what I started to do journaling again. If something upset me or something felt like a red flag, I would write it down it's time stamp because I have my physical journals and then I have a journal
app and it time stamps everything. So I'm like, I'm writing this down and I'm going to revisit this, and if this is still going on, I know that this is a pattern, not just something that happened, because things happen, you know, people make mistakes, slip ups happen, or maybe it's not what you thought it was or whatever. I document, I document pass and I document like different things, like
if I feel like, okay, I'm be honest. Because infidelity was an issue in past relationships, I saw something that I was like, hmm, Now instead of being somebody that's like let me say, y'all find mind you, he gave me a passwords to his phone like in two weeks. Like we have each other's past codes and all that kind of stuff, so it's very open, but we still do respect each other that we're not going through each other's phones. Like that's still to me, very disrespectful and
it's unnecessary. But it was something I had like an eyebrow raise about it. It's actually kind of funny because the client's name was Ash, and Ash was like, I need you I.
Was like, why Ash needs you? What she needs?
So mm hmm.
So I wrote it down, trying to pay attention as the days go on. There's probably some months that went on. Didn't hear nothing else about Ash. Ash is some big burley as dude that is his client, and said he needed him to give him a haircut because it came up in conversation because I brought I just want a had him brought it up. I'm like, and then because I talked very soft and sweet, I saw you know, it just made me feel uncomfortable in the knows like Ash and she was saying that that.
Yeah, she.
Like, she's trying to see if you're gonna confirm. But he told me what that was. And and in that instance it did kind of turn him off because he's like, you could have just asked me. But you know, sometimes it's not it's not comfortable to ask because you don't want to you don't want to come off and secure,
you don't want to come off like this. You don't want to be wrong, like you don't want to be wrong Larry Well hair right, And she yeah, So that was the instance where I'm like, Okay, you got to relax but instead of just jumping to conclusions and letting your triggers take control, document things and match it up, because at the end of the day, these are facts
that we're laying out. We're not going off of feelings, because feelings will have you staying in situations that you should not be staying in just because you're afraid of being alone. And I think, uh, I think that's enough
for the girls. That's fine in love for the for the women or the girls who are in relationships, and it might be a little stagnant if you have not already see where you where you may be misstepping in the relationship because we have a PhD and what our partner is doing wrong, but we seldom really take a step back and see where we contributed to that, because if we're honest, the effort that we think we're putting in,
we're really not putting in. And a lot of times we're doing what we would want instead of actually doing what our partner is asking us to do. Like I was always trying to do things for him, and like I like to give, I like to buy gifts, I like this, to like do things like that, even though I don't really care about receiving gifts. I like to give gifts, but he's like, I don't need all of that, Like he don't even even want Christmas gifts, Like he don't really care about stuff. He just wants me to
do well, to take care of myself. But he would say those things, and I think women were not listening to men, Like they tell you what they want, they're very clear about it, and we're like, no, that can't be all you want. You just want a meal and sex and respect. No, no, you gotta want a whole lot more, so I'm gonna give it to you. Like we've been trying to tell men what they need and what they want, and they have been very clear about
what it is that they want. So you're doing all these other things, but you're not showing respect like you're not. If it's somebody that needs a hot meal, Like, if that's all he's asking for, then find a way to do that.
And saying I can't cook is not an option, bitch. They cook it all up and down Instagram figure it out? What's that figured out? Prima Donna? I better get her cookbook right.
Yeah, but we don't want to give him high cholesterol.
So we right, okay, So.
You know he.
Like, now I'm doing like the hello fresh, Hello fresh, give these girls a deal real quick, Hello fresh. I'm doing factor meals like because now yeah, I like factor especially like with my workouts and stuff. So you don't have to know. If you don't know how to cook, don't don't do that. But there's a lot of ways that we waste a lot of money and you could be allocating that to something else to make it work. Everything can be workable. Saying that you can't do it
is not an excuse, especially for your spouse. You should always be in service of your spouse, and there's gonna be seasons where you are putting in more work than they are putting in. But marriage, like as I said, like God's design for marriage is rich or poor, sickness and in health. This does not This isn't talking about abuse,
mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. But you gotta be in it for the long haul, and you have to like taking accountability for what you did is what I feel is really adding to and making this relationship work. But it's hard, you know, because you want to be right.
We manifested hair, we talked back. It's for richer or richer, it's for healthy or for healthy.
Okay, yeah we could, we could, we could want that. But if we are doing things that are not making our finances grow, if we are getting hookah and lamb chops every day, then somebody's gonna get diabetes, somebody's gonna get high cholesterol, somebody, right exactly, So we can't. We
have to be very realistic about those things. Like if we want richer for written, you know, for richer or for richer or you know, for healthier whatever whatever, now sickness and no sickness, then we have to make sure that we're doing those things. Like everything takes work. Manifesting is great. I manifested my husband like I wrote it out. And what's crazy is like I wrote it. I wrote out what I wanted for my marriage, but I didn't
put a name on it. And I wrote it during that first marriage, and I ended up getting the marriage that I wanted and it ended up being a whole new, different relationship. So now I'm very specific, like I rting his whole name, first, middle, last name. This is what I want for my marriage with with him, like this, God is real funny like that. So yeah, that's I think.
There was great advice. Ladies take heed some account.
It is hard.
I don't like pushing that narrative that women don't have don't take accountability. I don't think it's true.
They don't think they don't. It's all just women, That's what I'm saying.
So when we when we help push that narrative that women don't take accountability, it kind of gives like the men like a one up. But I have been in really yes it does. I have better relationships with men who don't take accountability also, so it's not something I just want to make sure we know that that's exclusive to women. That's all.
But definitely on show, single out men all the time. Men do this.
Men say that men do this and women be doing the same ship sometimes and we never say, Okay, this is for everybody.
So we can down the middle. A lot of times when I talk about me, get up, but I'm oftentimes talking about men I've actually dealt with. I'm not just talking about men in general.
A lot of idea what you.
Just say men, I think men definitely need to be accountable. But the reason why I press that women need to because I think for the longest we have pressed, especially with black men, like y'all need to be accountable, y'all need to do this, Like everybody knows men and women in the entire world knows what work the black man needs to do, Like we're so knowledgeable on that. But I think women take that as like, if he's not doing this and he's not doing that, the whole while
you are messy, you are dirty literally, figuratively whatever. Like you you're not stewarding over your finances, you're eating like shit, You're not like being you're not working to a schedule, like your habits are trash. Like, let's be honest and let's be realistic, because because I think women feel like we don't have to do certain things, and I do think that you should try to become the partner that you desire, but also knowing that you don't have to
be perfect before you meet that person. So it's a delicate balance of giving yourself grace but also knowing that you have goals for yourself regardless of who comes into your life. And when you do come into your life, your work is not done. It is definitely not it's far from done. Now you really have somebody that you need to show up for And I think holding yourself
accountable is not just for a relationship. It's for yourself, period, and all the things that you say that you want for yourself, Like all my goals now it's really not to make my husband happy, is to make me happy, because I have a man that wants me to be happy. So if that's what he wants, then that's what to do and we both benefit from it.
You mean, yeah, Sonny, Yeah, all right, man, Jamila's plug all your things. We already told them how wonderful you are. But make sure you plug all your social media, all your businesses, all the fantastic things you got going on. Let our audience know.
Thank you. So I'm really excited. First and foremost, we're having the Case Conference. It's a conference for new and inspire I'm sorry, new and aspiring interior designers, especially of color, to learn the business of design. Because design is eighty percent business twenty percent creative. And so you have that twenty percent and you're wondering why you can't get it off the ground or business is not going well, it's
because of the business aspect of it. So really honing in and teaching interior designers of color, how to operate in the business and navigate the industry. It's are on sale now thecaseconference dot com to learn more. We have a very special keynote guest that we haven't announced just yet, but it's going to be so worth it. And then you can follow me at Jamila Divine and that's where you can just see what's going on with me, my man, and my business.
So that's good y'all.
Remember speak now and never hold your peace.