Girl Breathe

Speaks to the planet.

I'll go by the name of Charlamagne the God and guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poleman Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and B Money podcast, were taking Jay Valentine. We got the Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts. We got

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Festival, hoping to we talk back where we encourage you to hustle, hard, laugh, letter and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee, cocktail and crown because it's about to go down's talk talk.

You're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion.

He talks back, what's up, y'all, it's your girl a j holiday? What's up, tam Damn?

Hey, y'all. I love y'all so much.

Hey, I'm well, girls, stop light. These people love him.

I love him so much. They love me too.

Until you do some ship, they don't like, they're gonna be dragging and it's trying to come for you for look for sucking tubs.

I don't.

That's a lit ma noth until April. After April girls.

Drop, my mama gonna come up to me, coming told for me yikes, and then walked off. I was like, oh wow, everybody got something to say. Ye a man foot in my mouth? Y'all put on a lot of technic tests. I never put him wonder his foot in my mouth? Shame Anyway, How was your weekend?

My weekend was great? Did I do something this weekend? Oh?

I did go outside?

Not outside for real, I just did like a little. On Saturday, I went by one of my homegirl's house who I recently reconnected with, and just talk some shit for a couple hours over some crab bags. Me shout out to Courtney girl, she'd be in roger Wood sausage. When the last time you had a roger Wood sausage.

Roger Woods all the time?

Are you serious? Oh my god, First of all, on you sausage, and don't put that shit in my bag in my crab bag.

I don't want that in my crab bag either, because it overpowers all the other food in there. But I was have a roger Wood fried up good on spicing bread with some must period.

Shame. Now back in the day when we was kids, like, if you ain't having a roger Wood sausage in your house, you really ain't have no food. As long was we had a box of roger Wad sausage like we shit was lit.

You eat and eggs and rama's straight.

I probably had a roger Wood sausage in middle school.

Damn. I had one a couple of days ago. So this weekend it was the Black College Invitational Championship in Charlotte. Is a new tournament. My friend Russy put it on y'all, we got to support this tournament, like this is the first year. He wants all our support, all the HBCUs. He wants this involved y'all. So everyone, we got to support this black basketball tournament in Charlotte, North Carolina, and it was I saw a lot of parties surrounded just like CI double A.

It's supposed to be coming back, right, CI double A.

I don't know, but this is about this one, this black one brought on by blacks, presented by black people for HBCUs. Y'all get involved intellect.

Yeah, did you attend any of the fescificity festivities?

I actually didn't get to go out to the tournament. I did go to There's a new lounge in Charlotte called Taranga that opened up over the weekend too, and I popped out there and it was nice.

It was Taranga, Topanga, Taranga whever it comes.

From like that. I think it's called Tarango though, and it was cute in there. So that opened over the weekend. They're soft open, but that was soft about it. It was fully open. So I went there and that was it. You know, I don't get out too much these days, I mean in the house. M hm.

Well that sounds fun.

It was fun. It was a good time. Meet Jamaican and Raquel.

With Ja Maka Jamaica honestae Jamaican, so damn long.

Yeah, it was a good time. Shout out to Jamaica and Raquel, let's get in there now, what you got?

What you I You know what?

I keep seeing posts about a BBL smell. So this one woman got on there and said the bbl's is stinking and ain't nobody talking about it? That it spelled like she said, it smelled like a pot of broccoli that got to live on it and been sitting on the stove for two days. God damn, Now, listen, if you got a BBL, y'all, tell us do your shit smell like broccoli every now and then when you swear or something? And what causes that? So I looked up the BBL smell and apparently there's some truth to it.

I've been hearing that for years, that the bbl's be leaking, that they be smelling, And I don't know if it has anything to do with that. Maybe, I don't know if the the fact that was transferred to it is like rotten. I don't know. I'm one of my little cousins that got a BBL one time and her shit went wrong. Tell me a motherfucker who ever got a

So that must be like a new BBL. The old bbls can't be having this smell, right.

I think people be having problems with the old bbls. They've had this thing sitting in their bodies for years rottening.

It's crazy. Yeah, I don't know. If it can rotten your own fat, I don't know.

And it says maintaining optimal hygiene after BBL can be challenging. I don't know why. Maybe because y'all put too much as back there, especially when using the restroom. Residual stool or urine on the skin can lead to bacterial growth and older development if not clean thoroughly. Be extra diligent about cleansing after bio movements and urination to prevent unwanted smells.

But ain't that to everybody?

Yeah, I'm like that is not exclusive to booties, right.

Wipe your head is a thing for everybody, you will think of your ass dirty, like what the hell?

Yeah, I believe it's rottening though, I believe if it's not just like the BBL with the fat transfer, like using your own fat, which your body can also still reject that, right, But you do have a lot of women that were getting the asses added on before the BBL fat transfer. It's been around, but yeah, they were doing injections in the back of the club or in some basement in New York City, like yeah, and people

Yeah, nuts, Well that's proof I ain't had no BBM. My shit don't never smell like broccing now.

And you know, just like with anything else, like you are the first person to smell these things. You should not be bunking that ass round the club knowing that this thing possibly be smelling like hot shit. Bunks that ass, like bunks that ass.

You start experiencing that, you should probably go to a doctor, because it got to be something that you can do to help, you know, like combat the broccoli yell.

So I saw online and look, and I you might think this is crazy. Personally, I don't think it is. I think it's very plausible. If I were an attorney and somebody brought this lawsuit to me, I'll be like, you know what, you might be onto something. So apparently a Russian man sued Apple for turning him gay. It says a Russian man, uh, his name is d Razommulov, fouled a lawsuit against Apple, claiming that the company's products turned him gay. This is one of the most bizarre

About that the dumbest shit I ever heard. Didn't nobody to make you fuck a dude, You chose it.

No, I think that, I really do think that there is subliminal messaging with this. It's direct messaging. Don't knock until you try it, you know what I'm saying? And he actually tried it. You know, I know I've said

He gonna lose, bag.

I don't think so. Think about that.

Accountability, Like Apple didn't make you go nowhere and fuck no man, like that was a firm decision.

What if he can prove that Apple kept sending him this message to his phone, like it just kept popping up on his phone. Don't knock it to you tried.

That is not that is but Erica keep sending me messages get broccoli soup. I ain't got none yet.

But McDonald's has been sued for a subliminal messaging many times throughout history. Think about this young boy who just committed suicide because AI told him to come be with him. You see yeah this album, Yeah, like and if somebody I.

Just don't think sexual acts count because you have to literally go do it, like you have to decide that you want to have sex with another the same sex.

I think he got a lot of suit. We'll see. I'm gonna track it if you're win that.

I'm suing everybody for every choice I've ever made in life that wasn't right, spending spending money on clothes. Y'all keep sending me messages about buying clothes, and I keep buying clothes and I ain't got no money. That's your fault. So I'm gonna sue y'all, and I better win this. Motherfucker win about it. Beat Apple. The Apple owe him some money for him deciding to suck some dick. That was a choice. If you want to suck some dick, it's okay, but don't don't. Don't put it on Apple.

I feel like we could find some lawsuits where people probably suit him one for these things. They may not publicize them heavily because they don't want other people trying and shit, but you know, like all lawyers got to do is convince the jury.

That's it.

And I feel like he would be able to his attorney may be able to convince the jury that they.

Got ain't no way. I don't know who else going to be able to win that kid, Me, that's who me. Look what else happened over the weekend? Oh did you see where Young Miami? She was on Shannon Shark m C Club and she explained that she'll give her significant other or four times to cheat before she calls it a rap. Four times to cheat. That number is very specific.

I give my four times that I haven't watched a full interview yet. I only saw like the clips online, but I laughed my ass off where she said like four times, y'all Miami ass funny as hell without trying to be funny. She just right round the way girl, because you.

Can't even you shouldn't even if that's the case, you shouldn't say it out loud. I feel like the nigga gonna be like shit, you said I had four times? I seen it a club shack shade girl.

I have an ex boyfriend who always, like, at least once every two years, I might speak to this nigga, and he always complains about how I didn't give him second, third, fourth, chance. You give all these other niggas a chance, you ain't never get to fuck me over again. You mad because I gave another nigga a chance to fuck me over and not you. Right, that is beyond me. These people's thinking, Nah, nigga, I just didn't feel like you were worth all these

I'm like some people, cheating is an ultimate deal worker. It's the ultimate disrespect for the relationships. Some people, it ain't.

You know, I'm a go ahead.

I always have to weigh like, am I'm more happy than not? That's always an answer for me in every scenario. Am I smiling more or not smiling enough? Then I gotta go. It don't matter what the infraction is.

Right or how many times. I mean, the more you do shit, I'm losing like respect for you, I'm losing trust. You know what I'm saying. So even if you and then eventually you ain't gonna be able to trust me, nigga, because I'm gonna make you feel it, you know, So do you really want to be here after? You don't shoot on me? A lot of times I may not have left you, and that's a toxic trade of mine.

My daddy said when he had cheated on my mom when they were young, and Mama took him back, but he said we had to eat out the same plate for like two months before he trusted the eating over here with your fork because we're not eating out a different bowl.

He thought she was gonna poison him. Yep, why are you still with somebody you can't trust in that? I never understand why men stay with women they still eat food from. But you don't trust me?

Right?

Just be eating up this food, asking me what I'm cooking, asking me what we eating? But you but you scared? You ain't scared enough. You ain't scared, You are not scared enough? All right, y'all? So for this week's episode. Tell me when the last time you watched Wayne Takes Hell? The other day for realm So I have watched it as like a super adult because I feel like we would have been teenagers when it came out, right, Like I have watched it, Girl beat it. I wasn't born yet.

A vintage movie for me.

Like I don't know if we were watching Wayne Takes Hell like when we actually got into these like serious relationships. When you have watched Waiting Takes Heil, And I do suggest y'all to go watch it now if you haven't in the last five years, six years, ten years, whatever it is.

I the other day on the plane, right he has one of those movies.

On the flight, Go watch it because I want to talk about it with you, but I also want to talk about it like with the listeners. What y'all think about Waiting Takes Heale as it pertains to like our life now and dating, did anything change? Is it the same shit we now experiencing what we saw them as you know, grown women, career women, mothers, single fine bitch, you know what I'm saying, Like, like, are we experiencing the same things.

Let's get into it.

Yeah, we'll be right back, all right now, asorry from you know, just thinking about the characters on Waiting the Waiting Takes Hell. I actually came across this post and I sent it to Tamman. I just want to read a couple of parts of it, right, because it says, after watching excuse me, after we watching Waiting Takes Hell for the first time since I was younger, same shit, right, it felt to me. Excuse me, It left me with a lot to unpack. And here's a whole thread, right.

I seen it one day, and I.

Love that part of the movie. Bernardine.

I'm in a meeting here.

If you need something, I suggest, would.

You mind terribly if I had a few words with my husband? Oh? What the hell are you doing? I've been to the bank. Thank you, thank you for thanking of your children. Everybody out, yes, out, you're comfort wife, and start throwing some tantrum because you can't finish what you started. What am I supposed to do for money? I gave you the house now, sun.

I think we all enjoyed that part.

That looked like it was a real slap.

It was not.

It looked really real, like they acted the shit out of that part.

She's like, do you excuse me? Do you think I could talk to my husband for a second. She's like, sure, I didn't.

So the next threat, the next party threat says, there's a heavy depiction of a loneliness and how women can consistently say yes to things that say no to them. That's true, right when you like kind of lonely?

Mm hmm, this is definitely uh me, you be settled up for shit, right, entertaining old shit just because it's familiar, but it don't really align with what I really want or desire, honestly, and the loneliness get to you. Man that ship, I'll tell you, and your body will betray your mind every time.

Yeah, and then you asking asking different you asking a universe for one thing, right, but you're not doing your part because you're lonely. And I say this a lot. I remember when one of my friends, her daughter is my goddaughter. She she sent me a text message one day and asked me like to help her basically write a letter to my goddaughter graduating from high school. And one of the main things I said for her to put in this letters like get comfortable being alone, you know,

And you're ever seeing you be single. I've been you be like a man, you be like consistently with a new nigga.

That's not true. See it's mental though, right. I might physically, but they don't God me, mentally.

You got another nigga already. God damn, I can't have a nigga. I never have a nigga. This nigga have a new nigga every couple of months.

It's the physical, not the mental anyway, girls, I'm telling my business like I want to be telling it. It is also revealed how sometimes single mothers put the responsibility on their sons to be the man of the house and absence of their fathers.

Absolutely, So that's Bernardine Bernadine definitely, and I know women like not Bernardine.

That's the character of that Gloria, Yeah, Gloria.

Gloria does that, who was played by Loretta Devine. She definitely enmeshed her son like and just treated him like he was her man instead of her son, and didn't want him to go hang out with friends, want him to travel, didn't want him to experience because she had put that responsibility on her son to be her man. Yeah, she stopped doing that. It's a lot of y'all moms out here listening to us right now. Stop doing that to your son, not his responsibility.

Yeah, and so they lean on you know, when I checked into the hotel when I went to Dallas last week, I told the girl at the desk, like, yeah, I do a podcast, so you know, I sent it to her so she could listen to a young girl. And she was like, you know, y'all should do an episode on black women and their sons. And I didn't understand what she was talking about until she like explained more. Because she's the daughter, right, and she has a brother

And now that's Savanna played by Whitney Houston.

Yep, And they remember the scene where Bernadine met the guy played by Wesley Snipes.

Oh, I think no. First of all, Bernadine Angela Bassett met Herbert. Who Herbert, he's harmless. Now he was married when she went and fucked him.

And it's kind of like, all.

Right, you upset about your husband leaving and then you went and fuck somebody else's husband. I've seen contradictory it is, And see that's why I beat bitches up because it would be the hypocrisy for me. How you smashing somebody else man, but you don't want nobody smashing your man.

Like what goes around comes around.

You're doing some shit you just got finished doing. It's crazy.

Yeah, And I ain't gonna sit up here on this goddamn what kind of Mike's Jesus? On the sure Mike and Lions say that I never have sex with or fucked with somebody else's man, I absolutely have. That's why I'm never surprised when it shit happens to me. It just you just can't be an habitual side bitch when it comes to me, Like you just can't always be trying to fuck on my man. It's a problem for me, right stothing a.

Part time.

You get four times to fuck my nigga, and on a full time I'm beating your ass cause the niggas for everybody.

Listen, I ain't never been with nobody, uh.

Girl, Come on, come on, okay, come on, never love.

You next s lot.

You make me made me click off my damn slides. Hold No one, we got a in this day, I why you're.

Trying to find it? While grieving in the moment of love loss, one would settle for just being held to remind themselves that they too have some level of capacity.

M hm. And that was the scene with her and I don't even know what his name was in the movie.

Do you know you remember Wesley Snipes? No, I don't remember.

I remember, but yeah, they didn't have sex. They just met at a bar in a hotel and they just spent the night together just for some intimacy.

He's still cheated on his wife by doing that.

Well, his wife was was terminally ill also, you know, so if I was a terminally ill wife, like please go live your life, I would not want somebody to be like just at my bedside.

Yeah, I mean I would want them at my bedsite. But I would understand if he was cuddling with somebody to be comforted in the mister my you know me dying?

Do you remember? I can't remember her name though, This is just I have to find a story and tell you all about it. But it was a black woman. She was very famous, like on social media and stuff, and she had got like Parkinson. No, she had got dementia.

Wait till my dad. I'm still living, God damn.

And y'all on my page right the nerve.

But some niggas will just leave you to feel for yourself. So I guess that's better than that. But it's don't bring that bitch, don't have, we don't need, We ain't in no throuble because I'm sick.

And she just looking sitting there, looking out of place, just wondering, you know, herself anymore?

Yeah, all right. The next line says, and how could we forget the fact that sometimes parents will project the areas of lacking their life and try to control your destiny based off of their fear.

Been there barn mm hmm.

So that mama was encouraging her to sleep with somebody else's husband and have and build a relationship with someone as a husband because she didn't want her to end up alone like her, he's a good man, Savannah. We shared that line so much, but he really wasn't. He wasn't good a good man at all.

He was not good at all. And you know, I kind of had that issue with my mama man still talking to my ex fiance, like, get off the phone with that nigga. And it was only because that nigga could build shit from scratch and she didn't have that her own relationship, like somebody who was like hands on could do all the things that she likes to do and doing with her Like I'm being abused by this nigga.

Some carpety.

She like, keep talking to him so you can put this tile up in the kitchen. First break up that really happened in real life, Mama, hey girl, or the next one? So I said. The common theme in that the common theme is that black women are expected to settle and see wherever you land, even if it means sharing with someone else. A lot of the things, a lot of things can build up, but how does one

Somebody would have took a video of her all up on Herbert in the club.

Exactly. The slap would have been on the internet in real time. You know, if social media existed, somebody would have been in that office recording that shit. Like you really could get away with murder back in the day. Now not so much. Yeah, ye.

The pool side, Yeah, we getting pictures of you ho exactly, So here's like the I guess like the character breakdowns.

Right. So Savannah, which is played by Whitney Houston, she's a successful career woman searching for love. Okay, so that's a lot of women's stories. Like you know that you got the men out here, the Red pel community and other regular black men are saying, we don't give a shit about y'all degrees, jobs, y'all be acting nasty when you get them, and you know, we just want good women, right. But it is the more money you make, the more assets you acquire, sometimes it is hard to find love,

Don't even realize a power thing.

Yeah, because you can't really control this woman in a way. Or maybe maybe women the more degrees you get, the more money you make, maybe you aren't culchable, Maybe you can't be led. You know, that's something to think about.

What was a nigga name?

Who?

Uh? Who? She's like? I gave him twenty dollars. Gas came to seven dollars and he didn't even bring me my change and he was in here her tooth brush and shit, there was like.

And it was over like a couple like thirtys That was the guy Robin was fucking with, right that Savannah?

Really, Yeah, I'm gonna keep it at the zoo.

Yeah, you know the damn movie orbat him nut.

I noticed movie Girl and I just watched it over again.

So yeah, so it says you. So she's trying to like maintain her Savannah's trying to maintain her self respect and recognize when a relationship isn't serving her right. So that's a lot of our stories, like being able to see when she's not working out and walk away earlyer.

That's that be the part for me, mm hmm, because I'll be mad about something and be like, I'm done with this motherfucker, and then when I'm unmad, I let him come back.

The thing is I don't never get unmad because I do hold grudges, right, So then what keeps happening is that I'm just adjusting. I'm just like living in like just adjusting. And you may not like who are to come after a while, I'm.

Not mad no more. I had to make a video to myself. Look, I'm you're fucking stupid again.

Well, I don't be like just mad, let's just consistently mad. But I I don't never forget you see what I'm saying. So you think shit cool. I it's here and it ain't going nowhere. I may not act mad every single day because that's just not my I don't walk around mad. I'm just my normal setting is happy.

So you don't let shit go.

Not really, I just put a people either. I don't. It's not about not letting things go okay once Okay, I put a sticky note on you, right. I may not let that thing determine how I handle things with you in the future. But if there is, like uh, if I can tie this new thing to that thing, it still exists. It's not that I didn't forget about it. You're still doing the thing. Okay, you see what I'm saying,

She made him her whole life. She did. We should all take a lesson from that, because you'll fall in love and you know, want to be the most supportive partner and lose yourself and look up. And this nigga has all this money now and done all these things and if he don't love you anymore, now you just lost her. King was definitely lost after this, like cut my hair. If you don't come with a cut it, I'll cut the shit like she didn't even know, like you know, who she was was anymore without her.

And then in today's time, Bernardine would be on social media and there would be men calling her washed up and baggage, baggage and all this shit because she gave a man her whole life. Yep, you know, and now they're acting like, Okay, you can't do any better. You know, nobody wants you now, which is bullshit.

Niggas at the seven and eleventh the other night where the night got on the rollers in her head call I had to take my girlfriend home.

Do you remember that, yeah, dean man, Like, so I am guilty of definitely losing myself in a relationship and looking at not doing my hair no more. Meanwhile, this nigga making jokes by how he looks younger than me, and shit, because you are literally stealing my life force, right, you know, because women we give a lot of ourselves a lot of times, you know what I'm saying to our partners. So I just don't know where the narrative comes from that black women don't build with black men.

I think it's okay. I you know, I'm definitely open to it. I would definitely want to build with a black man. I want to create legacy and build something. I just don't It has to be a healthy balance where I'm not lost in the sauce, you know, where I'm so overcome with your goals and dreams that I forget my own. That's what I'm afraid of. You know that also happens with women who become mothers. You know, they get so caught up in being a good mom that they forget themselves.

I think what most women are looking for is just reciprocity. Like you know what I'm saying. We just wanted to be reciprocal. If I do a few, you do for me, Like, why can it not be like that? It's like a lot of men are looking for therapists and they're also looking for a secretary get somebody to do busy work for them, things that they don't feel like doing, even when you already have a whole plate full of shit as an adult to do, you know, because let's not

She just wanted to be love and she was a bit naive too.

You think he's sole about wallet, Yes, bitch, yes, it's like that bigga stole three to five dollars out my damn poker book while he was giving me some head, same shit.

Enjoying their little life while you care, girlfriend. What a low life while you care girlfriend? And see it's the it's the characters like Robin.

Right. She she actually, you know what, expressed how she wanted a relationship, how she wanted to be loved. Now we got the whole fucking nigga culture out here now. But y'all are having kids for these men, right, y'all too want to be loved. That's really what women want. So while you out here, yeah, so why are you out here saying? You know you're doing it for me? You fucking all these niggas for you? You sure?

Right?

Are you really sure? You know what I'm saying? Like, Yeah, I'm all for a woman empowerment and you know, being able to do whatever you want to do with your huha. That is absolutely fine. But let's go back to earlier we talked back HOWE doesn't heal period?

Okay, I listen everybody that I got, I take it back right now, every single one of us.

You hear me. I feel like, who the fuck would I keep on the rgenda? Like nobody, nobody, you know what I'm saying. I don't feel like I missed out on anybody I ever been with, period, And I could still get the niggas back if I wanted.

To listen and not saying that everybody was just awful human beings. It just was a waste of agenda. So waste of my agenda for my agenda. All right. Then there was Gloria Gloria was one of my favorite characters because such a mama. She's such a mama bear, not just to her son but to all of them. Seem like right, yeah, And.

She liked the senior friend. I don't know if she was on the same age with them or not, but she just always seems so much older than any role she plays Loretta divine.

But I think once you become a mama, sometimes happens to you. You already just that role happens where you just kind of calm down, become the mama bear for everybody. Sometimes you out here with kids.

And she had the oldest well between her and Bernardine, I think they were only two with kids and her son was older. So that, you know, lead us to believe that she got probably married young, had the child, and now she's fine in love later on in.

Life, right, And then having her ex, the person that she you know, looks too for Roman tell her that he's now gay. On that part, she was like, you don't have to pretend to be You don't got to do all of that, nigga. You know, I'm not joking, It's is serious. You know, I've been bisexual for a long time. And now fully gay.

I forgot about that part, bitch. That is definitely some nowadays type shit.

Mm hmm. That is so current, that's very current. It was ahead of his time, actually.

But at least he was honest, you know, That's that doesn't happen often nowadays. We find out in the clinic, we find out from the from the men.

But you know, honestly, a lot of these women today, I won't say a lot, but some, especially younger women, are preferring that they man be bisexual or gay. What it was Doci saying, like a red flag is a straight man. She was being I hope she was being sarcastic and not. I don't know.

Yeah, But even in that case, right, even though you have women out here who are openly like accepting to that type of situation, you still have the men being deceitful because I think they get off on being sneaky. You know, they still go after the women who are okay with you. I'd be telling the truth, I'd be telling the truth. I'm not being hard on them. These are like the hard facts HIV and I'm listen, I'm not trying to put that stigma on gay men. But

I need to see that. I don't know if that's true.

I swear to God. I swear to God my vagina.

Okay, yes, but I'm saying maybe the publication was reporting some some things that might be not factual to promote, like trans hate or something.

No, I don't think so. I think that ud. You read that book back in the day, the d O bro Dl brother.

Did you read that book? Dog?

That shit was so eye opening? Another other shit I should probably not have been reading in twelfth grade problem, I mean, why not? But was it that long ago? I might have been in college at the time when that book came out. But this is a supposed heterosexual man who's now out right, and then he's talking about that DL world Eric Jeron Dickie. I can't remember the guy. I can't remember the author who wrote it ball head, nice looking black man.

I think it might be that, but I might be wrong.

Yeah, but he he puts some stuff and now I'm like, yo, this is fucking scary, you know, just like them not wanting to use condoms, because then they are consciously now you because you put that condom on, You're about to have sex with this man. You are consciously making a decision to have sex with a man. So they actually were not having sex with me, because then they can pretend like, I don't know, it's just like some old out of body shit like it wasn't me, it was

That's what I was about to ask you, Like which one of you? If I had to identify with a character most, I feel like I'm a hybrid. First of all, there's a little bit of me and every one of these characters can identify with all in certain ways. But if I had to, it's not for Gloria because we meant no kids for real. I guess no. But I can't identify with being selfish. She's selfish with her son. She wanted him to stay home, she didn't want him to go out for New Year's Eve. You know, she

I definitely think I'm a hybrid between Savannah and Robin as well, with a little dash of Bernardine because I won't help a nigga build some shit, right. I think I'm more Savannah when I'm in a relationship gun and I'm more Robbing when I'm single, because when I'm single, I give myself a mission to do all the things. But I am simultaneously looking for love, like I'm looking

Yeah, I bet I know you.

But look, this is the first time in life I'm really like, you know, if this current relationship doesn't work out, I'm cool. I swear. That's where I'm at, Like, I'm really cool on you know. If something happens, something happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't, I'm not actively This shit is not easy, dog, Okay, it's not easy.

It's not so.

I mean, I feel like this would be my last relationship honestly that I would like actively be trying to pursue. I don't give a fuck.

I don't believe that.

I swear to God, girl, you is the love of girl.

The fuck you talk about?

You know, life is this life, especially in America, it's just based off of double occupancy. You are not supposed to be out here trying to do it by yourself. Okay, you know what I'm saying. So I have always been looking for a teammate, a real life teammate, and I just never got that for real. Out of any of my partners. The closest I got to it was was the guy I was going to marry, but he was just not a good manager. You know, these niggas want to lead, like you, you are not a good manager.

Yeah, that's fair. I definitely want somebody to steer the ship. I don't want to be in charge.

You say that until it happens. Girl, That's exactly what I tell my mom, Like my stepdaddy is made for you. Okay, you think you want a strong man, you're not gonna be able to do the type of ship to them that you think.

I don't want to do the type of ship. I want someone. I've been the captain of this ship for a long time. I want somebody to come and steer. I want someone that I could be like, I trust him to make good decisions. Now, I don't want like a dictator. I don't want to like.

It's a thin line, like for real, Like it's just I just haven't been able to find that sweet spot, like the middle ground. Yeah, it's either they leaning on you too much or they bullying you. Like the fuck, where is the sweet spot?

That's what I want, the sweet spot. Someone who can trust my counsel, but you know, has a good uh a good decision maker, you know. Yeah, yeah, that's what I would like. One thing I want to say is that I can appreciate from this movie is because they had some fucked up scenarios going on, but it wasn't no judgment amongst them. Like, there wasn't out there just

So let's just get into like that. Then let's just get into like how important, like the like just the power of female friendships are because you got a lot of women out here to be like I just got homeboys, like girl, get you're ugly.

Right, female friends. That's a red flag for me because how you don't have no sisters. I love my girls, I love you. You know, I want us to be great. I I you know, I ain't gonna sit here a lot I have talked shit like I would be like.

It ain't shit. You ain't gonna talk to them too, that you wouldn't talk to them?

No, probably I already talked to them, and now I'm vitting to somebody else. Why we argue about the ship. I said, now one thing I'm gonna do. I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say. Now, you know, I don't really like throw the rock and hote my hand type of girl. I'm gonna definitely say what I Yeah, I said that, Yeah, I said it. I said to you first, you know, like you know, so you don't have to question that, which is a gift and a curse too, because sometimes shit don't need to be said to them

See you have a friend group where everybody is like a bunch of people in the friend group, right See, I don't really have that anymore. It's like it's splintered now. So I got like friends from high school. I got my best friend from high school, and then I have my couple friends from college who not like there was a group, right but some are gone and then some still here that I still communicate with. Where we don't communicate with the other people that's out the group, you

That can become a problem. It can become a big problem when you have like a friend group and y'all vent to each other about shit with each other. I've seen that.

Yeah, yeah, so that is a that is a plus. That is the thing that we saw on the show where black women were really showing up for each other in her real way and not beating each other backs and on the lower because even need that.

Even the scene when Gloria, Loretta Devine and Savannah Whitney Houston were on the ferris wheel and she was like, can I ask you a question? She was like, did you get with Herbert? She was like, I needed to get late, so I did. She's like, now he come into my house calling all times to night, like Herbert wanted.

That pussy again bad.

But Gloria definitely was disappointed in her, but she didn't treat her poorly or call her a hole or beat her down. Ask her friend, and y'all do that to each other. You gotta start.

And I mean, as a woman, I just don't know how you get through life without like just some type of support system from other women. You know what I'm saying. We all be going through some of the same similar shit. I remember my homegirl when I left my ex, like she had left hers first. She left her dude first, right, so it's like we were like bonding over these narks essentially, right, she left hers. I left mine for real and I was done. I was fucking done. But she went back.

Were the same person, they may not change. Yeah.

Yeah, So we want to know from y'all, like tell us the time, like where one of your homegirls like have helped you through a really tough time. They don't even have to be about relationships with a man or a woman whatever, because you know, y'all, y'all motherfuckers is gay. I know anything. I know it's fun. It's fun because I just be playing that's right. But yeah, so which friend do you think you are and your friend group? Based on these characters?

Which friend do I think I am? Yeah, I'm definitely Gloria. As a friend, I'm definitely Gloria.

Oh and I'm Robin because I'll be ready to like call this ain't John bitch.

I'll be definitely the one on the phone. Cut some motherfucker out by my friend. Put me on the phone, give me the phone. I'm so I'm robbing in that way. But I'm definitely Gloria in the I can be like very nurturing and I get real motherly on my friends. Come lay on my shoulder. Here's my shoulder. We're gonna get through this together. I love you and I'm gonna support you hugely and you're gonna feel it. So I think i'm that too.

I think I'm Bernardine and Robin. I just like how angry Bernardine was, Like that's high being when I get to level ten for real, like you said, as a friend, Yeah, I know, as I'm just thinking about, like, yeah, still bitch as a friend, but Bernadine got angry as a friend, I ain't see that. I will get angry and blow up my friend. Car up, I'm just playing you ain't bitch, No, I don't know.

I don't know.

I think that for whatever reason, I feel like I probably possess all these women, you know what I'm saying, and some type of ways. As a friend, would I be asking Gloria like did you fuck that nigga? And absolutely I'm the friend that keeps tally of the niggas you've had sex with. So when you forget and act like you ain't ever cheat on your nigga, I'm like, bitch, you remember. See that's what I don't tell you all about whole facts right there? Girls, I'd be like I

Like, girl, shut up, I forgot.

And here I am going through my notes on my phone up phone on January twenty nineteen, girl, and with my whole whole facts. I'm not friend, okay, In case you forgot, I'm your whole facts, your whole fact checker. Yes, I think I probably am. I'm probably all of them wrapped up in one. I'm gonna be nurturing you know what, I'm saying, like like Gloria is could be serious, like Savannah, I could be ditsy like a Robin, you know what I'm saying, not knowing what the fuck is going on, but not so much.

But ready to turn up. Robin be the one that's that's me. And but you like, don't do that, y'all, like it's not worth it. So I guess you know, it's a little bit of every character in us.

All. Yeah, Bernadette a little sneaky, she'd be done. She didn't even tell her friends about it. And until somebody asked about that, shit, that's me.

Who are gonna tell her that nobody heard? Yeah, that's me a little bit.

So I don't know. Do you think any of them had like some who had the most red flags as a woman, like you would think Robin Robin had the most red flags?

What do you mean like when you say red flags? Like was she the most toxic or was she yeah, the most toxic? Shit both?

You know what I'm saying, Because you know, any I really feel like when you fuck with anybody, it's like a small aspect of who you are too. That's even with friends like me and you friends because there's a part of you that I'm like, you see what I'm saying. So even with Robin fucking these dudes like that was still an aspect of her, Like however they were, was an aspect of her. You are who you beat basically.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess they all were equally toxic in their own way. I don't feel like anybody was more toxic than the other. And in terms of how they dealt with their situations, they were just women trying to figure it out. Man.

So Robin, like she just always like was entertaining men that just weren't emotionally available.

Yeah. Character what was his name.

I don't know, Eric, the men the.

Dark skinned one, she was like fat fuck.

So. There was a Kenneth, there was a John, there was a Rustle, and there was a Troy.

Troy, that's that's not Troy was the one Marvin have a fruit bowl, bitch.

That was.

A rebound disaster.

It was the guy that worked with her that he was like, I own a house in Scottsdale. She's like, I want to go on vacations and dinner and you know, like I want to be happy. When she was in the bed with him. He was like, oh, coming him, what was his name? I don't remember. I don't know, yeah, I can't remember. But that was another time where Gloria was like, well, remember you broke up with him, so

But she didn't like him, you see, because she liked the emotionally unavailable men.

So right, don't look at me, bitch.

I know.

That's why I said her in so many ways only except for the money part, the nigga stealing from me because I hold lodallar so tight, the eagle scream on that bitch, do not play with me by my money.

Shame. So let's just let's quickly go through like the different archetypes of these men, right quick, and wrap this shit the fuck up. So Kenneth was the married manipulator, okay, charming, emotionally manipulative, and full of all the fucking empty promises. He even convinced, go ahead.

I was gonna say, you went to so self righteous when you were fucking my brains out.

So he convinced Savannah that that she's special while refusing to leave his wife. Right, so he just wanted her to wait to side. I mean, Whitney Houston had a whole song about it. How the song go, the sidebitch song with East.

Oh, you're talking about the best side bitch anthem. First of all, I did not know that was a sidebach anthem until I got always knew. I always knew stolen moments.

Yeah, you got your family and they need just.

Yeah, that's what she may be in the sidebach sounds so beautiful.

I know, it was so nice.

We forgot.

We didn't listen to the words. It's just sounding an angel singing about side bitch activity.

About being in love with side digetivities.

Yeah, so Kenneth was full of shit, Okay, but.

The way I just feel like the way Savannah fans on him at the at the pool side, you ain't had to do all of that because you was complicit to this very moment, and now you so she wasn't. Yeah, but why are you not going to drink on him though? Just say you don't want to be involved no more and go, because you was complicit the whole time and he was okay with it, quiet while he on the phone with his bitch. Now you're mad, and now you're gonna throw a drink on him. I don't understand that.

Part, because he was selling her a dream. Like you know, she probably initially started off being quiet, you know, while he on the phone, because he's supposed to eventually leave her for Savannah, leave his wife.

Or then he said another baby on the way.

Yeah, she just was aggravated and probably more mad at herself than him.

That's that's who she should have been mad at, right.

Yeah, so John John was like a He was like a selfish ass fucking narcissist right exactly, dismissive of his partner's sacrifices and financial financially controlling. Uh, And he.

Leaves the motherfucking purple and fluid, and he leaves her, He leaves Bernandine for a younger woman with no remorse at all.

He was cold as fuck, a younger white woman at that. But he would be dead today.

To be better if you were black.

Oh you know all the scenes, you are really in that job.

I love I love movies, you know I love movies.

Russell. He is the he's a bachelor, sing soccer, emotionally unavailable, commitment phobic. He uses this charm to get robbed in a psycle of hope and disappointment. Child, we don't need you, he was, and look, yeah, the modern equivalent to him would be like the person who avoids the labels. You know, I talked about a person before we started recording, okay, saying they're not ready for the relationship but still wants the benefits of one. Right, Yeah, that's who Russell is.

Okay, a lot of y'all laying next to Russell right now.

Yeah, And y'all really need to write Russell a letter like Elementary and say check yes or no so you can know what y'all got going on, because y'all just farmers right now, they got going on.

They know.

Women don't be okay, women, do they really be knowing? I feel like I be knowing right because I don't hallucinate. But sometimes people can get things confused with raw sex, trips, meeting families, meeting your children, all the things and the men, and I ask you, what are we doing? What are we It's like.

Farmers, we just fucking around.

Yeah, so I do think women get confused because because why the man maybe like verbally saying one thing, he's physically doing something else. And then Toy is just like I said before, the rebound disaster. Okay, he's immature, he's reckless, disrespectful. Yeah, Robin chaotic escape from her emotions, but it's not capable of providing true partnership. He's just so, he's just that

Yeah, he was trying to get her to meet his mama and his son, and they had only been talking for three weeks or something like that. It wasn't even that long, yep.

And then you got Gloria, right, Gloria has Marvin. They have him labeled as a genuine healer. Okay, he's supportive, patient, emotionally mature. He genuinely it cares for Gloria without manipulation or self selfish motives. So like a modern day equivalent to him would be just an emotionally secure partner who's ready for a committed relationship. And a lot of women ask for that. But I do also believe there's a lot of women, a lot of women ain't ready for it.

And I'm to receive it our part, Yeah.

Are you able to receive an emotionally intelligent man? Because hey, you can't show up as an arc with him, right, okay? Because one thing about it, men are not dealing with the ship that we deal with as women. They're not doing it.

And when Margaret told her the truth about how she was handling her son, she was mad. She could not handle it. She spassed out, she crashed out, leave, go get the fuck home, Go to your motherfucker house across the street, because my son about to leave it. You saying maybe he's not the one who needs to come to his census. She's like, bitch, get out. You remember that part m.

Hm, and what she had to do. Go back and apologize that man.

Yeah, who's this good man? Because you're trying to be attached to your son. Let that son go on mm hmm.

Let him love because how you who's the man in the house. It's no room for me in here.

Marvin was played by Damn. Name is on the tip of my tongue. He was a tap dancer. He's a very talented tap dancer in the eighties and nineties. Fuck that hurts my feelings. I don't know his name right now, and be on tip of my tongue anytime. Gregory Hines yep, mm hm, m hm, yep.

Yeah. So we want to know which friend are you? Which, like just women are you in general when it comes to relationships? Out of these characters, what else we want to know?

Okay, So, no, we got some homework for y'all this week. If y'all are journal girlies, even if you're not journal girlies, let's start all right, So get into your journal and right now, what's one toxic relationship pattern you're ready to exhale from?

Mm?

Write that shit down? For yourself, girlfriend, And what about writing down what would your waiting to exhale moment look like for you? And what's going on in your life and which character's journey inspires you the most? And why journal it? Bitch?

I had that big town.

Yeah, let's get in. That's a good friend, thank you.

Yeah, yea, No, I'm gonna write my shit down. I got a lot of toxic traits, deflection, all types of shit, I know. But the thing is, i'd be consciously aware of the things I can. I can tell you what I did, And here's I actually like to tell people what I did wrong first, even like, let me tell you what I did first, and you tell me if I'm tripping it or not. That's when I really start with my shit, and then I'll tell you what else

So yeah, it's getting on our journals, girlies, and let's write this shit down so we can be better.

Yeah, man, better friends, better lovers, y'all like this?

Yeah, this is fine, I know. Next week I want to do I really want to get into a thin line between eleve and hate. We need to talk about Brandy. Can we do it?

We know of Brandy in real life too, same first and last name. Yeah, yeah, we want to let us know if y'all enjoyed this episode though, right, and we're gonna I want to do it. We could do like one more. We could break it down this ship, this is This was fun to me.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun, all right, y'all.

So if you enjoy this episode, y'all, tune in every Thursday and the Black Effect iHeart Radio app. Whoever the fuck you get your podcast that. This is your co host aj Holiday two point zero on Instagrams. We want to see them them journals all right, kick journal injuries.

We want to see it and we want to read it and be nosy y'all. Is official tam Bam on Instagram. Please follow me. I love y'all so much. Thank y'all for tuning in. Remember speak now.

And never hold your breath.

Okay, never hold your breath. Breathe, bitch, breathe.

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