Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Hoping and we talk back where we encourage you to hustle hard, laugh, laughter, and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee, cocktail and crown because it's about to go down.

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks back.

What's up, y'all? Let's your girl? A j holiday? What's up? Team? Damn? But you ain't know who you was?

Just now, I ain't.

I was trying to figure out, like how we starting? Okay? Whatever, what's up y'all? Hey y'all, I love y'all. What's again this week?

I love y'all. And I appreciate y'all so much for voting for my new.

Niggah who they voted for. So I didn't see. I didn't even look.

I haven't done all the tally because I want to give it a little bit more time because people are still listening to the episode. But so far, Willie is in the lead, but just by a hair, just by a hair, yes, just my hair. Willy's in the league, so it's between him and Jordan. We didn't have a single vote.

Put it on the post the pole.

You know, yeah, I thought about it. I didn't put a pole I just had them put who they wanted and why, and I just went through counting.

No, that is too much to do.

Wait a minute, do you think we should go back and add a pole?

I'm trying to see if you can add it, because what that is too much to do?

Yeah, I mean that's what I teople doing counting everybody's opinion, because listen, a lot of people was like both, and I'm like, come on, you got to say you got to pick one, not both, so to count you.

Yeah, I guess you cannot add a pole after creation.

Mm hmm, I mean you don't it don't hurt the go ahead, girl, I'll be kind of listen, I can count money and.

Who y'all vote for money and niggas?

Yep, So thank y'all for participating in For the Love of Tama.

All right, Willie, I like that.

I feel like we should do around two a face off between Jordans and Willie. Oh, that would be nice, and just have both of them on the line at the same time, just.

Both I'm lying at the same time. A live performative, right, tap dance, nigga tap dance? How was your weekend? It was a good girl. I ain't do much and nothing. What the fuck did I do this weekend? I feel like I did something this weekend. Well, it was Valentines, right, So it was Valentines, bitch. Okay, I'm geechee, but I

Up, so y'all watch, y'all watched the movie or y'all want.

Just watch a movie. That's all we do. Yep. And I got the regular stuff, flowers, balloons, that stuff.

A lot of people watched their They stayed home for Valentine's Day. They didn't go out. I noticed that. So for my Valentine's Day, I worked until like eight pm, and then I stayed because you know, I'm living in New York now, so in Charlotte, I just be staying with friends all the time while I'm there. So I was gonna give me a hotel room that night because I just didn't want to, like go to nobody's house, like especially anybody who got a hood been our nigga,

They was waiting on you to eat with them.

Crazy No, no, well, I don't know, but I didn't want to. Like I listened. I would have most certainly cried if I sat at their Valentine's dinner and ate with them. Girl, I'm a third wheel old somebody Valentine's dinner.

And not like I don't want to impose on somebody, but if they invite me to come, like I'm gonna come, and I wouldn't cry because I'm single, there.

Listen. It would not make me feel good to be like sitting in between the two and they're like, so, how's everybody's day going. No, I don't want to do that. So that was my Valentine's. I did get some stuff, you know, I got some stuff in the mail because everybody who likes me right now is not local. So I got some flowers. Oh, and I got some money. A He's always good and I just want to shout out Jalisa. Jalisa is a live man and she and AJ collapsed.

That girl messaged me a month ago almost. She was like, I want just want to do something really nice for town for Valentine's.

I was like, oh, that was so sweet, y'all. She sent me a bouquet of flowers, and.

I cried like a baby in a car.

I woo cried because it was just so sweet and thoughtful and unexpected. So thank you for that, Julisa. I really really appreciate and love you, girl. And that was my weekend. And my oh, I got something else to happen this weekend, y'all. So y'all know, I'm traveling back and forth to New York and I'm taking class or whatever. And this weekend New York had bad weather. That weather sweeped up the East coast. So it was in Charlotte first and it just was moving and it was high winds.

Then charlat Maye just post some shit about people farting a plane, like you're a special type of human and just be farting just right there in your seat where people sitting next to you. You ain't shit, right, actually, so uh that happened.

So then we get off the plane and they're like, oh, it's gonna be like two hours or something more before this flight can take off. Potentially, we don't know, or when I get canceled. Baby, I left the airport. I left. I was like, I am not I've been here since eleven am. I'm about to leave. So then finally, yeah, a whole day wasted because it's like almost eight o'clock now at this point when I leave the airport. So then the next day I go back. They're still calling

That tie. You look like a bitch at a firm plane, Like that's right up your shitty alley. That's crazy, man, Have you ever held in a fart that shit?

Do not feel comfortable?

Just I feel like maybe I don't fart that much as is, like I had to have some crazy shit. I do not be full of gas, Like I feel like that got something to do with your diet, Like I'm not eating some ship that's gonna get me gassy.

But it don't be like that. When I have farted on the plane, it wasn't like a stinky dookie fart. It was just like like a little air, just a little air, just a little anxiety air or something like that. Now, So anyway, y'all, the flight was bouncing like crazy, and I was scared. I was really grinding my teeth together. I was praying, calling on Jesus, holding my butt cheese, and someone behind me was in the back talking about every time we hit a like every time the plane would.

I was like this for these motherfuckers is crazy.

And you know, I ain't gonna tell you what kind of person it was, but you know the demographic of the person it was on a plane, like going like a bucking bronco on that bitch and talking about he hall.

Yeah, I mean, in the midst of like possibly dying, you might as well have fucking fun, Like what like you traveling around the time that damn flight was belly up in Canada, Yeah, exactly, you might as well have fucking.

I was literally in the air when that shit happened. So no, I'm not. I'm not having fun. There's nothing fun going on right now, and there's no heat. Hall shut up and be quiet.

Like the rest of us, like it's thundering outside, like your grandma.

Exactly that happened.

Let's get say. Okay, y'all listen, y'all be this fucking post. And I just sometimes I don't know if shit be real or not, like or if people just be putting it out there just to just to I don't know, get clicks, likes, and views. But it says this is a post someone posting on social media. It says, my husband is making us fly home from our honeymoon after one day because he found out. I sent my ex a simple goodbye text on the morning of our wedding.

I do understand, but let me tell you. Let me say this, I don't understand on the day of your wedding. I feel like this conversation conversation should have happened a long time ago.

Like maybe when you got engaged, like, oh my god, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, yes, yeah, and yeah. But the morning of your wedding, and I bet you he probably didn't even respond back, like he probably ain't checking for you because.

You know why he didn't give you a ring or maybe you was. That was your side, nigga, because that's what it's given. It seemed like you still had an emotional connection to this person because on the day of your wedding, first of all you sloppy his hell, because how your nigga even see that? It's just too much mess right now, because and let's say you did decide to send this message, whatever came over you. You had pre wedding jitters, and you just this message to your ex,

You were supposed to delete that nigga from your phone after you say goodbye. Yeah, you're supposed to lead you a whole.

You're supposed to delete everything and delete the deleted shit because you know you can go back and retrieve some deleted shit. You're supposed to send that to the trash too. Baby.

I spent time this weekend deleting niggas, like just deleting text threads and stuff that just needed not to be in my phone anymore. Like why am I holding on to these things? I just deleted a lot of people.

I can't wait to meet the man that's gonna make me delete all the dp PEOs. I got dicks from twenty.

Sixteen and whirl remember when the cell phones had the memory cards? Yeah, bitch, I got a few memory cards, but like hell of shit on it, Like I have to hide those things. Motherfucker might get like a little convertic cartridge and pop that shit at a computer one day.

But here's the thing, also, there's some issues in your relationship already to begin.

With, because we don't try your phone.

Why he and your phone on your honeymoon, like y'all just trying to ruin your own honey like he was. His goal was to ruin his own honeymoon. I'm not looking on vacation when people be fighting on vacation about going through each other phone. Why you didn't come here to have a good time, exactly, You spent all this money to be mad.

And that's the thing. The last vacation me and my ex went on the nigga who I was engaged in. Like the vacation was lovely, you know what I'm saying. Like we wasn't trying to ruin our vacation. I mean, the minute we touched down back on us oil that nigga like a his phone turned. My phone was working the whole time over there, his phone wasn't working. So as soon as we touched down, I don't know if whatever, bitch you done ghosted for this week, it was hitting

At least wait till after we laying Yeah, like, who the fuck go on vacation and ruin the ship by going through he's with you?

What's your problem?

I remember I had a girl. I woke up one morning and I seen on Instagram this bitch had I posted my picture on her story to about this is who my nigga talking to. I didn't like, I don't even know. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. And they were on her birthday trip and he was like messaging me during the trip and he went to go like change or something, and she went in his phone. It wasn't just me, it was me and a couple other girls.

I think imber I remember, I remember that. It's like a couple of bitches. She holly pick and choose which bitches she wanted to be mad at the most. So it's bitch cute.

Yeah, Because I'm like, I don't know, I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I would not be I'm not trying to ruin your vacation, but why are you going through his phone.

Why are you vacation? Why are you running your birthday? Like so, you're right that something else may be going on in a relationship. And maybe he had already had reservations about her. Why he even checking her phone. He might have always been checking her phone. She just didn't know. But now it's that X so, I mean it's probably you know this. This lets me know that there are a lot of people who are not married to the person that they are actually that they are actually in

I remember we were all sitting around I think I told this story on here before. But this man compared his wife at the time because to a reliable Honda Accord baby, like, well, I know the single last everybody was sitting at the table like looking down at their phone, like.

The other bench. Pride was just a lexus made by the same people, ain't it. No Toyota, make less Toyota, Hyundai. I don't know who else Haunta, don't make nothing else. Don't ever. I'm a bily motherfucker. I'm just saying like his upgrade from the Honda was probably nothing serious either you know what I'm saying, or he a.

Downgrade because he went all of that. He wouldn't if he was a ninety eight Honda. She was a two thousand and one. He was definitely a ninety eight. Non man.

Shame, what else were you goll going on?

So listen, you sent this to me. Study finds that most single women would choose their dog over a man. A research conducted conducted by the Kennel Club reveals that a substant number of single women would choose the company of their dogs over pursuing a romantic relationship, with surveys

Better know it.

Millennials are exceptionally devoted to their K nine companions, with over half steering clear of relationships with anyone who lacks fondness for their dogs.

When Bella was alive, like, if I was to be fucking with somebody and they like, get your dog, even friends almost manless, I almost fought. We ain't friends no more. But I almost fought a bit over my dog once because she kicked my dog. Yes, I said, listen, make sure you pick all yourself up off the floor because she'd be getting into shit. She'll choose stuff. So she left her glasses on the floor and Honey, my dog at the time, chewed her glasses. And when she woke up,

And I told you not to leave your shit nowhere. Does I don't leave my ship there exactly a do you know what time? It is like she would just get bored randomly. She would not always do stuff like that, but it was a possibility, which is why I pre warned you. You know what I'm saying, girl, that bitch kick my fucking dog. So if I'm fucking with a guy who doesn't really like dogs like that. I don't

In the house. They probably don't think they belong in the house. That's what it is.

Yeah, And I'm I don't know if it's gonna keep me from a relationship if you're not a pet person. As long as you don't try to harm my animal, it's okay.

But how are y'all okay? Like suppose y'all were to get into a relationship with I would be married, y'all. Y'all know that's what I'm saying. Y'all may not get to that place because this is not an animal. Person like that person would not want an animal living in a house with them. It's the same like with smoking cigarettes. Just because you smoke at your house, I still don't want somebody who smokes me neither.

But I listened. I remember I had, y'all. I had a chihuahua Diamonds Rest in Peace Diamonds. And she was so tiny, right like she was, you know how little chihuah She was like, we've been small, like a pre MEI hua tea cut.

Yeah.

And I remember this guy that I thought was like pretty dope. He was in banking in Charlotte and he had his ship together and he was very much into me and I finally, after you know, dating for a little while, I invited him in uh to do karaoke because I wasn't trying to fuck yet, but I love listen. I always want to do karaoke and entertain. And I let Diamonds out the cage, you know, because when I home, she don't have to sit in the cage, you know. And I let her free. And I didn't tell him.

I don't think. So. I have a friend who has a child now, but and I think she might have all already been pregnant when her and her boyfriend were like like thinking about moving in together. But the entire time she was dating him, he had this dog. She knew he had a dog, right. She even she even tried to go to therapy, like cause she's like really really afraid of dogs, right, so she did actually, you know, go seek therapy to find out you know why is she just so terrified of pets, and also to make

I just expect you to compromise in my in my favor, see.

And that's not how it's gonna be. So really, you just have to get people who are comparable, yeah, to your life, like you can't make especially at this big age. Like if somebody doesn't like dogs, they don't like dogs, they're not gonna date somebody who has dogs. They're not gonna date somebody who. A lot of people be hating on cats. People do not like cats. I didn't know.

I don't. I used to love cats as a child, But cats is so sometimey as fucked. Like one minute they like you, the next minute.

They they are women. They just like women and dogs are like men. Like cats really don't when they don't want you fucking with them, like you just leave them alone. But the less attention you paid to them, the more they want to love on you.

Like I would have for me to have a cat, I would want to get them declawed.

No, that is so inhumane. What if they were to get out and get lost, they won't be able to defend themselves. I hate even Like for Christmas, we went to some friend's house for she had like a gathering for for friends for Christmas, and I actually took Dasha to her people house like the breeder I got her from, And I intentionally didn't cut her nails, just in case she got to fight her mom when she get there. Like you just never know, like what's gonna pop off?

Yeah, it gives your ass too.

You have a big scratchbar cat I have. I got a scar on my damn arm from when she was a kitten. But she's man. Catch her hurts they do her, but they don't, they don't, they don't mean to do it. I don't know nowt up very intentional.

I was in high school. My friend Casey kat Panda, she would always come rub on me, take rubbing on my leg, rubbing, so finally I was like, okay, let me pay.

Oh, you can rub me, but I can't rub you.

Bit.

That's how she scratched me up.

And I ain't fu.

Shame. I love the cats, man, I was fixated on cats for at least two years before actually getting one.

Your cat is pretty, but I definitely was still like, if I came over, I would probably like myma business. And then she rubbing through me is cool, but I ain't. I ain't gonna. I ain't gonna like I have PTSD.

She has never hissed. I've heard her hits that like she was hissing at like trying to buck up to fight her mom. But she's never done that to me. And I heard her growl at a dog one time. She growls, Yeah, I didn't know cats growled, Yes, Like hmmm, that's insane, like a whole dog. Anyway, y'all listen. So we got a lot of new legislation coming down the pipeline.

First.

I love the name of the act, but it's ridiculous. It is if I catch your ass busting off of a sock, nigga, ten thousand dollars reckless abandonments. I don't think that's what they mean though. I think they mean like, if you get somebody pregnant and you didn't intend on getting them pregnant, but they do it's gonna be ten thousand dollars or maybe they just saying it just I don't know.

No, I think they just want people to have conversations about it.

And that's what they said, is like thought provoking.

Yeah, because the ain't no way, baby.

I just think they need to go ahead with the contraceptive for men. You know, but there are a lot of men now who are getting vasectomies. I know a few men who have had them. You know, do they have kids? Yeah, they already have kids, and they're like, I'm not having no more kids. And I guess I want to be I want to fuck I'm not and I mean.

Yeah, I mean teach shirl, I listen. I'm like, just celibate, still just celibate. But the next time I do it, I want to be able.

You're gonna celibate next time?

No, I ain't gonna celebate. I would like to have unprotected sex.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, we fucking rut twenty twenty five, baby.

But that's why, but only with the right person. So I'm just gonna wait and wait and.

Wait and wait. Don't do it, Ohio and Mississippi.

But I just need to lie. I wanted to be my man, my man, my man.

You know.

So I think I'm just gonna wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I've missed around and don't get none all twenty twenty.

Five, No, right, waiting on some nice clean well teen Yeah, some god faring penis. Yeah, girl, Yo, Christians, be wild.

I want that. I'm gonna be like that girl. Remember she's like, I ain't had no sex on the pool pit. When she's saying that, Yeah, now that's where I'm at with it. Well, God please.

Give her that, give her that.

Yeah.

I don't know, but I don't know. I'm with the non recreational fucking nowadays. I just eat my energy.

Man. It's kind of crazy because you in that house with a nigga, and I know he'd be like.

All right, y'all, let's get to Battie of the Day, Baddie of the week. So this week's battie is actually a couple. Okay, black people, okay, Marie Van Britton Brown and Albert L. Brown. Marie Brown was a nurse and her husband was an electrician. In nineteen sixty six, they invented an audio visual home security system. That same year,

Okay, salute to them. Hey, listen, I know they got paid off of that security system. Like we've we've created so many things, like so many inventions, and a lot of them came out of necessity the need. When you need some shit that don't exist, you wake up some shit real quick.

Yeah, they were living in Jamaica Queen's back then, so they absolutely needed an alarm system. So them niggas is like, wait a minute, let me see we could throw together right quick. So a lot of patents are still you know, even used today. Period thirty two subsequent patents actually still being used. We salute you all right, y'all. So listen, this week's episode is actually an extension I guess from

Not a single soul voted for Nico, not one.

Nico was a damn fool. I feel like he was trying to self sabotage because what so, when do you have the tough questions? When do you have the tough Excuse me? When do you have the tough conversations when you first start dating somebody? When is the right time? You know? I think it's before sex?

Okay, yeah, absolutely, before six.

Okay, So if you plan on having sex with him tonight and this is the first date, you need to ask him all the shit today. Let's get into it, sorry, y'all. So Valentine's Day just passed and we did for the love of damn bam period. So she'll have a date coming up soon. So we were thinking about, like, you know, like it's hard to actually have or ask the questions that need to be asked.

Period.

When are you going on dates with new people? You know what I'm saying. You don't want to scare a nigga off, but I feel like scare them off if you.

Ask the hard questions up front, don't wait, but don't some questions you should wait on, like don't ask for money. I don't think you should ask for money on the first date.

Wait, why he gonna ask her pussy on the first date or try to insinuate.

Well, you can insinuate that you need help. But I just feel like men are off put by anybody. Like I promise y'all. I used to do that shit a long time ago. Date, not all the first day, but like after the first day. I'm so stressed. Life is so hard.

I need help, but I really did.

I was young, I was poor, you know, college college agent, young and poor, you do need help?

Well, My thing is this, if they ask about or even just having a little small talk around sex, even a little bit, then that's when you bring up the topic of money to make everybody uncomfortable at that point.

But then it almost comes off as a little prostituty.

You don't actually have to give him the gucci on the first date. We are just meeting you on marroring your actions right now, is what I'm doing. Yeah, But so men value their pocket, they value their purse, and women.

Valuate their body, right, so, but then it almost comes off as transactional. Are we transactional with our bodies?

Yes, even married women, But nobody want to talk about that. And sometimes I know. I am like, if I need you to produce, I might not milk you all the time. We might not have sex all the time. If I need you to be attentive and actually executeing on whatever goals we have. Because if you really fucking a nigga like, he don't have energy to do nothing else. So I need you to have energy but to provide.

See, I'm thinking that you should want to fuck him all the time.

So somebody else ain't doing it.

Yeah, listen, it's empty that nigga all the time, so he don't need nobody else.

I am at a point in my life where I really don't care. Not that I don't, but I think that it's real love When I never find out, I feel like you hate me out for me to see.

But here's the thing. The niggas be sloppy. They don't think as far ahead when it comes to turn things like that as women do. When women step out or do something they don't have no business, they are playing chess, planning that ship down to what socks and shoes looking.

And that is love, that's respect. Am I wrong.

In a toxic way? You're right, is not doing it at all? So I don't know with that, So what's what's some.

Of the tough questions that you think should not be asked on a first date, because again, if I were dating at this age, I'm asking all the things upfront so that you know, or you know, you can make the decision whether or not you want to take any further than tonight.

You should never ask a man on the first day how much money he makes, how much money he makes? No, that's you shouldn't act that on the first day.

I don't think. I don't think I ever asked people how much money they make, and I really don't ask people what they do. Usually that comes out in general conversation.

No, you know, being in LA that is a quick they want so much money you make? Not how much money you make, but what do you do? So what do you do?

Yeah, so that's like the first to it's the problem. He will try to size you up.

By But that is a common question out there. So I don't think, like so some places that's normal to ask and it's not offensive, you know, or where do you live?

Where do you live?

Where do you live? But that's a that's intrusive to me. It's why you want to know don't where you live.

So it's too soon to bring up money. How much you make?

How much can I have some What's another question that is too soon?

Uh?

Do you have like mental illness in your family? That is not too soon for a first day. Yes, No, don't ask because if it's mama skins are Freddy, you think he want to have that conversation right away.

He might be taking you out right now, like it's crazy, might fuck around and come out because you asked. You see, so now you know rather than not you're getting that. But listen, people might have mental Is that a breaker? It was not a deal break exactly. Some know how now to handle you because I know I've said this before. I think a lot of times like men. I want to say men, but I deal with men right. People have issues and they want you to use them to

Seems a little harsh because I'm just trying to put myself in a place of someone who does have mental illness. In their family and what I want to be asked that question on the first day and have to explain why my mom is in a facility or why my cousin like my sister is. That's heavy for a first day.

You find that out, though, when do you.

Before you have sex with them?

But what if you might you know, be planning to have sex.

Tonight, then I guess asked pussy tonight, then go ahead and ask.

All the questions.

But I don't think that's that's so intrusive on the first day. You know what I also I think is kind of intrusive. I'm thinking in terms of like being a woman. I don't like when people say, all right, do you have kids? It's a fine question, why not horrible question? Yeah, I think I hate that question. It's like bitch y'all know ask God, don't ask me exactly?

Well, But I also then make people feel uncomfortable. I'll tell them exactly why I don't have kids. Now that's a question I don't want people asking me or yeah, why you got enough kids? What's wrong with you?

Bitch?

But then if you got kids and no, man, that's a problem too, exactly, So it's a lose lose for women man we being.

So that's a question. I don't think you should ask a woman or even a man. You know, you can ask if they have kids, but if they don't, don't say why not.

I be thinking it's more weird for men not to have kids, the way to be ostracizing women for not having kids. I really think it's more weird for men not to have a child.

What I do think?

So, I think it's more weirder, like why you no kids?

But you can't say that you don't want nobody to you. You know.

I had an epiphany one day when I was gonna streams, y'all shreams. I think the best when I'm high, So well, that's not a real high anyway, it is. I wrote

No?

No, I mean at least, you know, he I think it's I think it is subconscious kids.

I don't man without kids.

You like them? You know? Or do you like the niggas with it's better?

I don't think. I don't think that's not my discermining factor or how well I like a man.

But if the men that, I like the fact.

So if like, all right, I like the fact that if we have kids, it's the first time with me, you know, like we get to experience this.

I'm talking about that thing that we're not realizing in the back because just think about the men you have been in love with, did they or did they not already have children?

So the last nigga I loved did not have kids. He had kids while we were together with somebody else. So I don't know if that counts.

No, that's not what I'm talking about.

Yeah, and then the man prior to that, he did have kids. But like I'm always I was always concerned with like, if I get into this, you know, I'll get with this man with children, am I going to be a good step mom to these kids? I'm always concerned with that, like what will my relationship to these children be and their mother. That's always my first concern. So when a man doesn't have, I'm like, yes, I don't have to deal with none of that.

Yeah, I don't like baby mamas and none of that shit. And then you know, especially if you with somebody who's not really facilitating the relationship between you and the kid's mom, it's just gonna always be awkward. I remember my ex I had met one of his baby moments because she was just like a random way girl, one of his childhood friends. The fun laughing was easy for him, I guess with this other one real strict and he just had her pop up at the house one day to

So he wasn't there, just you.

Hell no, And I opened the door with a fucking bondy. You think that's how I want your baby mama and me? And I'm pretty sure. And she looked like she just got off from work, looking tired, like I'm pretty sure she wanted to look more.

Yeah, so you have to properly. Yeah that wasn't fair.

Yeah, it was like that. It was embarrassed and you didn't know the kid was coming. No, he called me like right when he was pulling up, like, yeah, my baby, mama dropping my son off. Where the fuck are you?

Right?

Whirredo anyway, So why do you think it is that we avoid like the hard conversations thought, aside from not wanting to offend, I think for women, we don't want to push the man away too early. A lot of times we women have a tough time asking things.

Yeah, we don't want to. I think it's the same for everybody.

Nobody wants to give the e like ugh, you know, but the tough question like women that need women need to ask that they may not on a first day is like, you know, are you interested in being married? Because in a man's mind, you want to marry him tomorrow if you ask him that question. But really no, I just want to know, like, are you even in that mind.

Of marriage if you want that or not? Because if not, I'm wasting my time here.

Do you have married friends? Are your parents still together? Now? Those are things you can ask.

But I've never in all my years had a man say no, he was completely escephal last week. Last week the first time in my life. On the episode, it was the first time my man had ever told me that marriage was completely off the table, you know. So I feel like men kind of like acquiesced to what you what it sounds like you want off times, Yeah, when they not even being for real Like whatever you say, baby girl, I'm down with it until I get that pussy.

You want cheese? God damn? Why are you a cheese?

Yes?

But I don't be remembering these things to real life randomly like that the hell?

So I just say that to say that sometimes you ask the hard questions and you get the answer you want instead of the truth.

Right, So are we saying that men don't have integrity.

Sometimes because we family? I'm about to share some shit that happened to me last year. I got ghosted.

Okay, it's just February, so what a couple months ago?

Yeah, I got ghosted by a nigga. Y'all that shit is humbly.

Listen.

Then was like very persistent, like doing all the things, like being very present. I even we were even discussed matching pajamas for Christmas. He was down. I sent him pajamas that I liked. He liked him too. It was lit. He was supposed to come for Thanksgiving. He's supposed to

So he not like this thing was hidden, right, so he knew you would see it at some point.

Yeah, or I'm a sick I mean it's on it was on YouTube, so hm hmm. Ain't that crazy that I know him for a while. But we started talking like early in the summer, and it just it progressed. And then while my foot was broken, we kind of was locked in, or at least I thought we had locked in.

Maybe he found out somebody was pregnant, but I think that.

That's why.

I'm like, that's that's like an avoidance tactic, right, so you don't have to have the hard conversation.

That's what I'm saying.

And remember when I said I don't mind ghosting, I mean because I have ghosted sometimes I feel like girl one hundred thousand times like that will that don't mean you like you're trying to make me do something, and that's gonna make me not answer the phone even more. I might change.

I'm not gonna call a hundred times, but I will call three.

No, I'm calling one time and I'm texting one time, and that's it.

I will call you three motherfuck times and if you don't answer that phone, I will pull up.

You ain't pulling up at lying that gas gasoline, no mad So maybe he just he just avoided having a tough conversation with you, and sometimes you just have to respect it. Did you ever give up the kuchie?

What?

No? Okay? I mean if you didn't, then you're winning.

No I did? I did.

That's a real ghost.

Yeah. He goes to me here my feeling okay, And I ain't been on the day or talking to nobody since.

Okay, in case somebody after sex, I'm going to get an STD test depending on Like, why the funk you stop talking to me? I'm scared now, but it wasn't like direct. It wasn't like directly after sex.

He was like, puts it bad.

It wasn't like that.

It was just like it was so random, you know, it was just very random. It was it was weird. And this is the first time I shared with anybody that this happened, because I was really embarrassed by it. But I mean, we family, and it happens to the best of us, So that's what happened. But I've been like, yeah, I'm done ever since then, like for real done, Like.

M yeah, maybe a couchin as good as you think, girl, fuck you Gucci is amazing. Let me call that nigga from myself. Ho fuck you. Women always say they got the best Guccie. I don't know how this scuoci feel. I know I have been stalked about it, but I won't say I got good. Have you ever been ghosted before I've done. I've had a mutual ghost where we just stopped talking, like I really didn't care one way to the other. After sex.

Really, it wasn't like after sex, so it was just like random. It was very random because we had been you know, we were, like I said, we had been locked in.

I just don't think men go away if you never fuck them. You know what I'm saying, They gonna stick around until they at least do that, and then they kind of like decide rather it was they like you enough to keep doing the things.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it was.

To him.

Okay, So look, so I lied a little bit. I did get I did get a random dem from him when I popped out with the red hair on my Instagram story that he was like in my DM saying a little something. But I ignored it at that point.

Because it's like playing with right. Yeah. So yeah, yeah, that's definitely he definitely on some bullshit.

I just feel like he's just like, oh, I think.

That's how men put women in friendszone though. See the difference between men and women. When we friend zone, we're not fucking you first, like we're gonna friend zone you because we don't really want to have sex with you. Men will fuck you and then friends on you.

But the thing is, you're talking about mentioning pajamas and coming for Thanksgiving.

He's saying all the things that you want to hear, though.

But I didn't ask you to cod for Thanksgiving.

You just you know, then just they just be fucking lying for no reason. And then it doesn't matter how many times you tell them like it's cool, like you don't even got to do all that, they just still't do it because it's just like a normal setting and they fucking head. That's why you gotta thump them sometimes on top, because that's what a reset by.

Now, no, that's violent, you go to jail.

Look, man, these hands all right?

The what are we?

Once you get into their relationship.

Listen, I don't do the what are we? I don't do the water we card of conversation. I just feel like I'm sitting until you ask me to be your girlfriend.

I feel like at this point men or like somebody needs to write a letter and like do the yes and no like school check yes and no, because a man will be doing all the things with you you meet his girlfriend.

And I will not consider you my boyfriend. I'll meet your mom and all that stuff. But if you don't ask me to be in a committed relationship with you, I'm going to assume that we're not.

Yeah, but I think that even even if right you got that mind, because I feel the same way. Right and then you're still dating and exploring other people. If that guy that you might be spending the most time with because y'all are doing the boyfriend girlfriend things, if he, you know, realizes like you actually actively out here still dating, he probably gonna stop talking to you that type of way about it.

You didn't ask me to be your girlfriend, So if you wanted that commitment, then why didn't you?

But why do we hide it?

Though?

Why do we hide that we're still dating because you haven't committed yet? I feel like women do? Bit is my lace showing it? Why are you looking up? I'm just looking too. I feel like you're looking right here.

Right.

I love this ivy booth and sometime bit y'all they just be so self conscious about that. Lacey, keep awake on. I know something going on right here looking at it. Okay, you did.

This?

What we talk about farmers?

We need to be the way the food is right now? But yeah, like I.

Think a conversation should have also. Yeah, even if you don't ask him, what are we like? Hey, you you're still dating other people?

Are we exclusive?

Maybe that's how you ask? But then men like, because what are we? What?

Do we sound so needy? To me, like, what are we It.

Doesn't have to be said like that, That's what I'm saying. So maybe you can ask are we are we still seeing other people?

Yeah? Are we exclusive?

Putting me and you and the thing? Right?

Are we exclusive?

Because the minute because the man is doing all the things, and the minute you ask about a relationship, the relationship kind of ends at that point because they feel like somebody's forcing them.

Yeah, because you could be all in, like you think you're in a serious relationship, You've met the family. You know, everybody's taking your mama to his mama to her doctor appointments, you babysitting his kids, and then you catching with somebody else. And he was like, you know what it was for? When when it started? We ain't never we never said we was like that. We never said we was like that? Did we have to say it? We were doing all the things.

When was this? I think this is when we went to the breakfast club. I was dating this guy and I really really liked this guy. Man, we was on the floe for like eight hours, bitch planning goals. Like though we had never yeah, though we had never said be in a relationship together, we were actually planning out like things like life. You know what I'm saying, Oh, I.

Know who you're talking about.

Yeah, girl, why the nigga just got engaged? Anyway, you know, I still don't know how not your help him play his goals for the next bitch. So baby, I'm just this is just a podcast, right, So anyway, Yeah, I was dating him and I really liked him. But before we went to New York, you know, I kind of had that conversation with him like what's up, you know what I'm saying, And he was like, I want to court you more. I'm like, what, like your kids be waking up in the bed with me and all type

Yeah, courtymore means like he still wants to date.

That's not what it was like he month, you know, weeks later. Now he's trying to explain because my energy changed because I literally asked him, you want to be my boyfriend like that, and he was like, he want to court more. I was like, okay, So when we went to New York, I just wasn't as available and the nigga, Now I start seeing something. Now, I see like you got abandonment issues. Damn near because I know I was available, like at your back and call up until now. But I'm working.

So why him saying that he wanted to court you more turned you off from it? Because that's because that's what I mean. That's not a bad thing.

No, it's not a bad thing, but it still leaves me. I'm still single, you know what I'm saying. So now if I want to talk to somebody else instead of you, if I want to go out on a date with someone else instead of you, I should be able to do that without you calling my phone a hundred times, because that's what he did. And then that's the turnoff to me because I feel like when somebody calls your

Because did you see me calling you? Stop playing?

But you're not my man. You see what I'm saying. But had you had we committed.

But I think it would be available. You know. I like who you're with me.

I went on a fucking date with another nigga while I was there. I remember, Yeah, he don't know that now until he watched this episode that guy. Yeah, but whatever, he's engaged, so it's fine.

But I don't know about that a J.

I guess maybe a little bit because of man not bad off, Like he was doing all the things right and he just said I wanted to court you more, and you was like, uh boy, by well, I said, do you want to be my boyfriend, and you told me no essentially, but he didn't court me more. That's no, not yet, that's not no. That's weeks later when we talked about it again, he was like, okay, then fuck are we together now? And don't get mad when I started stalking your ass. That turned me off even more.

No, that's a red flag. Don't say nothing about.

Stalking, especially to a bet.

You's be stopped, right, Okay, yeah, so yeah, I don't play that because stalking is not a good feeling.

It's scared. So I don't know. It's just so I glad I'm not outside.

What are the takeaways? How to get comfortable being uncomfortable? Practical tips for handling tough talks like a pro timing matters. Don't dump everything in the first convo, but don't wait too long. Keep it casual but direct, No pressure, just open communication. Be honest, not harsh, Say what you mean without being me that. I have trouble with that because

To be mean.

I didn't intend it to sound mean, but.

And then I don't like that people can pick and choose when it sounds mean because they just don't have a response to it, because I think a lot of times that's.

What people do.

It's it's like a scapegoat tactic. You don't like what I say, so now you are dressing tone and how I said it. That'd be some bullshit. And my niece is twenty seven. She just we had a conversation this week and she was like, I saw this post on Instagram because God, she's dating said that she doesn't know how to talk to him right, but he's not doing life right right now. So she's like she's challenging him,

But I do feel like I do. You know, I'm consciously trying to work on how I deliver how I feel, especially something I'm passionate and emotional about. It can come off harsh, but sometimes I don't mean it to be me. I remember one time I was doing this girl's hair, and like she would always come in and talk about her nigga and how sorry he was and how bad he was and all that stuff. And she came into her appointment and my sister was sitting right there and

And I was like, that was me because I'm not bringing up your sorry ass nigga unless you do. When you know somebody fucking with a sorry ass nigg like, I'm not gonna be there. I didn't even always ask you about him, and let you got to bring the information to me. I'm not asking you for updates on the bullshit you be going through.

But doing hair, that's all we talk about. Is it's like therapy, Like they sit down and unpack on me everything. It's her fault.

It's her fault. It's not really your fault, because you wouldn't know he was sorry as a nigga. She wasn't sitting there talking shit about her man. Who's dick, She's still going to suck on?

Well, they weren't together no more. She she was like, girl, I left and we celebrated that. But my sister was like, he was wrong for saying that.

I don't know. I guess you gotta know your personnel.

Yeah, because I didn't feel bad about it. She had been complaining about that nigga for a while.

You know, I mean personally me, right, I wouldn't take offense to that, especially if I know I'm talking about this nigga to you, I wouldn't take offense. But then you know, maybe.

And maybe that's why I think my sister probably because she had been privy to the conversation prior. Okay, yeah, yeah, so it's all a yeah, it's all within the context. Or here's the next one. Listen and don't assume the worst. Not every hard conversation has a bad ending. Yeah. I think we you know, we have we have a what's the word I'm looking for we we have, We're accustomed to assuming that it's going to be the bad ending

Way with that guy, but you had to be there, Yeah, and they'll be there for all the things. Yeah, I don't think so, because I don't feel like at that point we're in the courding stage like we're doing. You know what I'm saying, I'm still single, That's what I'm hearing when you say that, and you were still singing. Yeah. So the only like he could have left it there, right, I guess the only difference is my energy changed a

Yeah, No, that's no, that's fair. Busting your phone down is crazy after you told me like we just courting.

Yeah, So, I don't know. At the end of the day, I.

Think we're that y'all were sleeping together at this point.

Though, yes, sleeping sleeping together, yeah, even like yeah at that point for real, you my whole boyfriend.

Yeah, that's how I feel like, once you start sleeping together, we go together. What are you talking about?

Yeah? But I think the the important conversations like they actually separate. You know, you don't want to be wasting time, So get him out the way early. That's how I feel about it. So that's my last last. Really, just get the conversations out the way. It's gonna separate the real from the fake, real early, because if he's interested in you, there's nothing you can ask him that's gonna scare him away.

Listen, it might cause niggas laugh sometimes and they'll tell you everything you want to hear, even pick out matching pajamas with you. Seriously, like they might just tell you like the answers that sound good, but at least ask the questions. That's my last last. You may not get the truth, you know, but hopefully you do.

And we want to know. Tell us your uncomfortable conversations you've had, first date, second date, third date, and what happened? What was the response? Man and woman?

We want to know or did you wait too long to ask those questions and how when they wait too long, we want to ask all the shit after we get the pussy up.

No, the man's brain is different at that point, so you got to put all your expectations on the table. Day one.

First, well, what was the biggest trasher? You don't even care about it.

Then you get the out of the abord mission. That's a whole other episode. When do you smash? Because I mean, get it out of the ways so you even know if you like this nigga, I feel like that is communication. Sex for me is communication.

We mean, like I say, wait, wait, you will learn a lot about a person if you.

Will let them talk.

Yeah, if you wait, Yeah, But that still don't mean that still don't mean it's gonna turn out. I waited with but God talking about I waited and waited and waited and still just feelings what you just wanted to see your booty hole?

I think once a nigga see your booty hole is over, it's over.

That's so weird. Say your booty hole?

All right, y'all listen, click like, and subscribe okay on YouTube. If you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on the Black effect Alheart Radio app, or wherever the fuck you get your podcasts out. This is your co host, A J Holiday two point o Instagrams, kicking y'all.

I'm official Taan Bama on Instagram. I love y'all so much. Remember speak now and should never hold your piece or your questions ask them before.

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