Finding Emo

Talk's talk talk to We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion to talk.

What's up, y'all, Welcome to a new episode that we talked Back and show dedicated to you niggas in these holes.

It's your co host AJ Holiday. What's up, Tam, Hey.

Girl, Hey y'all, it's me Tam Vam. I love y'all. Once again, thank y'all for tuning in.

What's up? Girl?

Oh, it was a great weekend with the night so I feel like a celebrity.

Hello, tiny bit girl.

Okay, I know this is we talk back, but when I tell you, I'm tired of fucking talking, relean it. Yes, I don't wanna talk to everybody this weekend, y'all everybody, but I enjoyed it.

I did feel like a super celebrity, let's be clear.

So we had the Black Effect Podcast Festival, the very first one, and it was lit and it was our first live show, so I was nervous. I was all nervous, Like, what about did you feel like a whole bunch of adrenaline?

Yes, I felt like my panties were showing. I have not known, but I felt like they were showing.

I felt like I had boggers.

I felt like I had the fart. All type of shit was happening.

You know what, Like I didn't eat just so I wouldn't have to use the bathroom. I didn't eat, eat anything. And when we did stupid internet news, my head, like my thoughts went blank.

Mine too, because I didn't know what to say about Diddy and Karsha asked either way.

It was a good time and I had fun and I enjoyed myself and I can't wait to do it. We're gonna set up our tour, yes, so y'all stay tuned for that.

That's what I'm looking forward to the most, so we can have all the creative patrol over all shit and it's gonna be lit. I definitely want to bring the drummer out so you can have a.

Bigger opportunity, yeah, to showcase his talent, because they really didn't get the feel full feel of that drummer man, because it's like go go, you know what I'm saying.

It Lit puts the baby show the niggas, which you ain't scared of him.

Let's get into stupid internet news. Okay, So what I found Lotto has a song and she speaks on Coyler Ray and she says smoking gas and a big blunt like Coiler Ray. And I don't think she meant it as a disc but uh. On the shade room, Coiler Ray responded to Lotto and was like, Lotto, by here you go talking about my body. Please do not come on here and talk about nobody's body. Lol. Like seriously, out of all things, left my ass off. Your blunts, you'll blunt my size, left my ass off. This ship

I think her response was she was like, uh, I feel I feel like maybe it was a little bit of insecurity on her part because I don't think it was that serious what Lotto said. So I feel like, you know, she is slim thick, and which is coming to not slim? Well, is she slim thick?

She's slim.

I think she got a little booty though, don't she she slim? She got a little booty.

I thought that's what Lotto meant by the lyric.

I thought she meant like she rolling a blunt. You know that's so fat. It's the sas a human slim person. That's what I thought she meant, like it's dad big. You know, she putting all the gas in there.

You know, I just don't think it was shade and she might have overreach. And then she came back shit to the Twitter.

So she came back and said, maybe I overreacted. End of the day. Don't say my name for clicks and likes, especially if we don't speak or communicate. I'm not a big blunt, small blunt. Don't compare me to not I'm minching bitches. You actually beef with put it on the floor, but leave me out of the bullshit.

That's not a beef though.

That was not a beef, Larry, that was not She didn't take a shot at her anything.

Yeah. So during Coachella, Lotto came back and said, oh, coil Away, by the way, I love your body, baby, Like she was just like ended it, like I don't want to smoke. But in Coiler rays defence, she gets, you know, scrutinized for her body type and celebrating her body the way that she does. So she probably was just triggered just the mintion of her body was like, don't say nothing by my body. God damn it, I'm tired of y'all talking about my body.

I definitely don't think that one offul Pairs would come in her like that out of nowhere.

Yeah, but you know how rap beef is, and it's like entertaining them to create create beef where there is none.

So if that's the case, then they should just leave it at that. Then it's just some rap shit like she created the beef. As far as I'm concerned, Yeah, yeah, I don't think a lot of creator.

But I feel like Lot don't be having beef with everybody. Seemed like every week we look at lotn't having to argue about something with somebody.

I don't know.

I can understand the argument with her Nicki Minaj, because Nicki Minaj dou you know, act like somebody supposed to kiss her eyes. And that's another thing Lotto said at Coachella, Like what She's basically like, I'm not kissing nobody fucking eyes.

I'm not mad at that. Stay in your ground. I love you some Nick Minaj too, though, So I love I pretty much love all these ladies. They're all like strong, powerful rappers and they got good music.

So I'm here from none of them rap better than nick Minaj, So let's be clear.

Yeah, no, no, I will go that far. But they all make good music.

Uh so apparently now and a shanty are a thing again. I don't know how true it is, but they did perform. They had are performance recently together, and I was laying in my homegirl bed and I was like, shant she didn't leave Nelly alone cause she looked like she's getting a way already.

Get that relationship on your She does.

But she had like some little hot pass you know, she got them granny ankles like, she got them nice thick, pretty legs, right, but she only had the biggest booty and she had these little pants on.

I'm like, oh shit, you look at your body.

Sham bitch, I got the same shit going on. That's not a body shaming. They look I like them.

I can tell she in a relationship that based on her body right now, I can tell she's in a relation.

I like them together. They look cute together. They always did. I like them back in two thousand early two thousands when they were together. I didn't want them to split. So seeing them performing together is like nostalgic and it's cool. I'm here for it.

So do you do you think she stayed single all that time. Well, we don't know if she was single or not. She wasn't publicly with anybody else since Nelly didn't she date floor Rider At some.

Point they were saying she was dating floor Rider.

But anyway, I don't know if I want her with Nelly. I want her to get somebody else.

Why do it? No?

Didn't did he not just have some situation going on like maybe last year year before, a little court case where he might have assaulted a woman on the tour bus.

I don't know nothing about that.

I do, y'all remember that. I remember it.

So he's not worthy of love because of that.

Not as a grown man. No, she happens, No sit does not happen. You have to have self control.

I agree you need self control. And I think Nelly, I just I just think Nelly is a good guy overall.

How do you feel about niggaspinning the block though?

Like?

Why did he? Why did you not?

Like maybe they had some growing to do everybody involved.

So bow Wall said he needs to come with a ring this time, which I agree with, Like if you're going to spend the block and we had this big ass age, like at what point, I don't need a boyfriend at my forties in my forties, but why is bow wow?

The messengers though.

Wasn't he just on ball and alert? Talk about he ain't getting married?

Right, he's been engaged twice, and it was like, whatever, he ain't trying to get married.

And now give him marriage advice. That's funny.

My business boy, boy, grown boy.

That's a grown man. But okay, well, I'm here for it. I hope they do like a Vegas residency like Usher with Nellie and a shanty all they hit, I would go see.

I'll be there me too. All right.

So last thing I needed to talk about and I gotta talk about it Snowfall finale. Oh my god. All right, so listen, if y'all haven't seen it, y'all need to go ahead and just fast forward right now because we about to get into that real quick, frank like. All right. So at the last season, I hated that Nigga I ain't gonna lie. It was not root for him. He turned dark right to me. He just wasn't the character

You know, had seventy three million dollars.

He got it stolen from him. He got to take it from him, and I guess he lost his mind.

Yeah, I couldn't understand the mental language because you have to build wealth. Now he builds some wealth up the same, but just million. If somebody could just take that shit in the day.

But I just feel like if he was able to build it once, he should have been able to even build maybe half an hour.

I have to be mentally stable to do that. Like imagine boy, him looking so bad.

I'm talking about real bad, dirty as fuck, red ring around his eye, and this nigga had all this money and he leon gave him a dub to get some drink and he was like.

Yeah, Andrew Jackson A.

I was like, that's why he looked like like he straight looked very cracky. He was living in his mom's old house and it was just dilapidated and just all messed up, and it was just so sad.

I see him go out like that, So I don't know I watched the first I don't know. I might've watched the first season, and that was just recently, like maybe last August.

I started trying to watch it. When did we have What's the Auntie on there? Oh?

We had Louis on? Yeah, when we had Louis on. I started trying to watch Snowfall and fell off again.

I didn't like how Louis went out either, but I guess that was her karma too, for becoming like so what happened to her? Louis was in a barn hiding from like a federal agents who were hunting her. And she was like working at this like stable somewhere, working for people, and she was hiding cause they were trying

So she never went to prison or anything.

No, she's still running. Oh damn in a barn, bitch, just hiding in the barn. So yeah, she's running. She on the run. Uh, everybody like the Leon he was the one who was surprised everybody. You know, I think when he killed that kid, it just and what's the guy I can't remember the dude's name, Scully, Scully, you know, forgave him, It vindicated him, and he just changed his whole soul and spirit and he ended up being the one who was successful in the end.

So what was he doing. Was he selling dope or you get no?

He yeah, he was a businessman and he had started some type of foundation to like help people in the community. I can't remember exactly to what tune, but he wanted He tried to come get Franklin to come get involved, and Franklin was like, nigga, give me twenty so I can get a drink and get on. And he was like,

You know.

I kind of think that sometimes when I see like bums on the street, like they really be bucking the system. Like we may see it like, oh they homeless, they don't have shit, But when like I go to the Caribbean and stuff like that, I see people living like like minimalist, less stress, Like it's fucking stress. Was fuck in America to maintain all these things, right, you know what I'm saying, and push it. Yeah, and that is freedom. It is a form of freedom.

But bitch, I need to be freedom.

That's the kind of yacht that niggad a ring around his eye. He looks stanky as fuck.

I was like, okay, so I don't watch No I haven't watched No Fall. So when I saw all the different memes online he had that red I'm like, did he turn it to zombie?

Like? What the is happening? It's like Resident Evil.

Right, they had him looking real fucked up, and it just was I just don't feel like John Singleton would have ended it that way.

They had a good run. They had a really good run. So it was that sixth seasons, so about six years. That's a long ass time.

So yeah, well RP.

John Singleton, all right, it's our stupid Internet news. I'm gonna have a commercial break and we'll be right back.

All right, y'all way back for our commercial break, and you know what I want to talk about to day town.

I would like.

To talk about emotional intelligence.

What is it?

How can you practice emotional intelligence? I feel like it's almost a term a lot of people use, almost like calling somebody a narcissists. It's like just another thing to try to shame somebody, like, oh, they don't have emotional intelligence, can't talk to them more. Maybe even I think women may use it a lot when talking about men, like they're just like emotionally unavailable kind of.

So listen.

The definition of emotional intelligence is it's most often defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use more information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments. So that's the definition of having emotions.

You just said a whole bunch of shit, and yeah, don't like. So when I thought about it, I was like, I'm emotional and I'm intelligent, so I must have emotional intelligence. That's how it feels about it, Like I'm usually emotional and I'm extremely intelligent, so I just assume that I have emotional intelligence. But it's not that.

No.

So basically from what I read, it said like all people experience emotions, obviously, right, but it's only it's a black few of people who accurately identify them as they occur. So research shows that only thirty six percent of people actually have and practice emotional intelligence.

You know what I feel like in the black community, what we do are I don't want to say what we do, Okay, I'm saying it. We just we use anger to express every emotion. We only use anger. I feel like there's especially black men. I don't feel like I think women are more emotionally intelligent than men.

Are we though, because we're usually the ones that's gonna start yelling and that's not practicing emotional intelligence. Okay, So you should be able to articulate like how you feeling and convey it in a way to where to where the person can understand without you getting angry. So I can say, and we actually took a test, right, so where was your score on the test? Okay, so I scored a fifty six tammy ask but sometimes down the middle of the show.

Sometimes sometimes I fuck with them sometimes I don't, you know, like I feel like everybody literally could go sometimes down the middle of all those questions.

Right, I think men may.

Okay, so I said, men practice emotional intelligence, right, but I think also it could be.

Let me give an example.

So I was in a relationship with a fucking narcissist, right, and he practiced emotional intelligence, but it was in a form of manipulation though, Like could you imagine somebody doing or saying something to get you to hunt? So now you up here cutting up, cussing, acting a fucking food and they like real calm, So now you feel stupid. That's so when they say practicing emotional intelligence is like

But isn't anger or emotion.

It is an emotion.

But what comes along with being angry cussing at somebody being very disrespectful.

You know what I'm saying.

That's not healthy to have a healthy relationship with anybody in a workplace. You know, I've worked in a corporate setting where people cussed in corporate meetings.

Well, let's keep it. Let's get real real. You and I when we disagree, we don't practice good emotional intellig hanging up on each other.

I don't hang up.

You do once because I hung out one time because I felt like I was tied of fucking talking and if I keep talking, it's like nothing's getting done.

Okay, Well, so you hang up. I hang up.

I do say bye first, So is that really hanging up?

Yes, because the conversation, No, this has to be like bitch bye, that's not the same thing.

Second, i'd be like, I'm hanging up now.

I definitely say the last time we got into you was like, well you get out the phone, Then get out the phone. I said, I ain't going nowhere the.

Phone for thirty more minutes before I finally hung up on y'all, ass because now we don't talk too fun. Listen to me and Tammy literally literally was in therapy. Now, I did hang up on the therapy session.

So that's two. So that's why I hung up on a therapy session because it's like I didn't like the fucking therapist.

It's like, this ship is not fucking working. We probably should have picked like a different therapist. We should not have picked somebody that you're using as your personal therapist because I'm asking like some basic shit to both Tam and the fucking therapist, and she's like giving these god damn white.

People, uh technology textbook answers.

Yes, I'm like, you know what, this ain't fucking working. You know, I'm tired of talking. Y'all have a good event.

And you know what that brings up to a new conversation. When it comes to therapist, you have to find the right person for you, because I just felt like she was a nice woman as a therapist, but she just unpacked my shit and then left it sitting on this table next to me. You know, like it wasn't like any real healing that I was getting out of the therapy.

You're not gonna get.

I don't feel like you're gonna get As a black person, I don't feel like you wanna get actual healing from therapy with anybody doing some textbook textbook therapy type shit like black people need spiritual healing, right, we need a different type of therapy. So now these people get paid to be This is a doctor, right, So imagine if she wore to help heal everybody, she wouldn't have a job. So they have you unpack all this shit and leave it there so you can have some shit to unpack

It has to be when are you healed?

Right? I think you're healed.

When you are, I would go like, I literally would go into therapy like today is a beautiful day, and then I leave out their motherfucking.

Life like how is good?

Yeah?

Next week?

Yeah, it just and the healing comes when you're able to practice emotional intelligence, that's when the healing comes in.

So what emotion is the strongest, so the.

Stronger hold on?

I don't even want to start there. Sorry, How do emotionally so this is one question. How do emotionally intelligent people communicate? It says emotional intelligence improve your assertiveness by allowing you to communicate effectively. By being aware of your emotions, and by having self control, you can communicate your thoughts clearly, with confidence. In turn, this will make you more assertive

Like how we were saying. Coiler Ray might have been triggered just by that. He might have had bitches being nasty to him all day and instead one sentence was like, you know what, I'm sick of all.

You don't gotta say it like that.

And he had the nastiest attitude with me when he went and got my car back again, he was like, she ain't on tip anyway, bitch, I told you I have cash, like y'all ain't y'all get paid to be here. I'm confused, right, I can go get my own fucking car.

You better get a q You better get a QR code necklace.

That parking was fifty five dollars a day, bitch, you better get it from the damn hotewl was sixty two.

Dollars a day.

Oh that's I need to check.

Yeah, sixty two.

I paid for it.

So the it's that part, you know, I feel like I get misunderstood oftentimes, like people are like your tone, your tone, your tone, and really and I don't be mean, and shit, really your tone right now, I feel like there's a hits of sarcasm there.

Well, you know, because I feel like so Tammy always be addressed in my tone, right, because I can say the very same thing, it's just gonna be in a louder tone. And she could say the same thing in a regular tone, but for whatever reason in her mind, is less disrespectful. It's more disrespectful because I'm telling nigga, no, yes, they do. I feel like people address tone when they can't address the real shit you're actually saying.

Now, he was like, why you say it like that? You ain't have to say it like that. I dress, what the fuck I'm saying, Let's move on.

See that's the same thing the man was saying that, nigga. See see see you missing the man? You missing that point.

I said it really nice. I looked up. I said, I really need to hard up and get dressed. I need my bags now.

I didn't stay it mean to him, So fuck him. So what does poor emotional intelligence looks like? It says people with low UH emotional intelligence often struggle to understand and control their emotions. They might lash out relatively excuse me, They may lash out reactively without understanding what they are really feeling and why they are even upset. A person who lacks EQ might also have unexpected emotional emotional outbursts.

That seem overblown and un good. I don't be just I don't get crunk for no reason.

Oftentimes, Like if I feel like I'm about to be like that, I try to step away from the situation.

Now if you push me, I don't think I get I have emotional outbursts. I probably like I'll get upset and I'll go there like we can go and we can scream at each other and yell and all that, but I ain't never gonna just like go crazy out of nowhere. You feel like, have you ever experienced that with me?

No, I'm definitely not about to just get stupid for no reason.

I feel like anytime that we argue, it starts here and it just gradually goes from zero to one hundred. But it is not like within moments.

So what I do do, because I know that I'm trying to practice emotional intelligence, I do avoid. I just avoid for a while, which isn't healthy either, because it's things build up, right. So I do avoid conversations. I avoid the person because I just don't if I feel like I cannot.

Articulate it well to whoever it is you know what I'm saying.

I'm just gonna avoid it all together. But then that's not good because it ends up blowing.

Up in the end. Yeah, I not me the next time I see bitch, come here as soon as I see you, because that's the first thing on my mind. It's the elephant in the room.

I gotta talk about it.

It just depends if it's something that can I don't know, it just depends because sometimes certain things, Bitch, I can't sleep at night if I don't let you know how I feel like and then if I didn't get to say the right things, bitch a double bad lass first thing in the morning.

And as a matter of fact, let me add this right saying.

But sometimes that's to a flaw for me, because sometimes it's okay to just let shit go. I don't have to address everything, right.

It's okay not to say something sometimes. Iramandvice used to always tell my ex that, like, you know, it's okay not to say nothing.

Like you don't have to address everything.

But when I really start shutting the fuck up, I don't really care no more. As long as I'm like going ham, I'm always trying to work it out, always like I'm making I don't want to make a fight of it, but I'm like, hey.

Come in, look see that toilet seat up on the fuck again? Why did I have to fall in the toilet? Not no more because my ask don got too wide. I don't fall in no more. I still sit on top.

But there was a time my ass touching that stuff.

Yeah, you don't wanted to touch that part of the toilet, but I ain't falling in no more.

I don't think niggas understand that till they ass fall in.

Right, Wait till your nuts hit that water.

You got to touch the seat, touch.

That bottom round I wanted to do. Niggas nuts be dropping in the water when they sit down.

Yeah, like my ex used to, he was still lying the toilet teacher's like, of course he went to prison before it, but he was still lying.

Of course.

Show somebody was like, yeah, AJ like uh warm hood niggas like niggas a felonies a ship.

First of all, I didn't say that. I did not say that.

I'm like, why smart enough?

Not exactly? First of all?

Okay, or if you went you learn from it, and now like you done bossed up in a different way, right, but that nigga would line the toilet a toilet, he would probably be the only person using. He'd stole line it because he just like how the tissue felt. But he would put like a little, one little piece right there.

You line the toilet at home.

Yeah, Like he would still line the toilet and he would have like the one piece right there in the middle to sen his dick on the ship was like, so neat dick right there.

First of all, y'all rich, because toilet tissue is expensive, y'all wasting all that tissue.

You know how niggas be buying one ply. They don't even buy a good tissue. But you got one ply at your goddamn house.

That was gifted to me.

During that time. I just sat you a box of free tissue. That's what was there.

Fit ass tissue. Poke my finger in my butt?

How do you make someone more emotionally intelligent? So I saw this, and I'm like, how do you mean I can't make you emotionally intelligent? Like, I'm really just going to distance myself and then let you figured the funk out and you can come talk to you when you get your mind right. Okay, So these are ten ways to increase your emotional intelligence. Utilize an assertive style of communicating. Okay, we talked about that, respond instead of reacting to conflict.

So how the fuck do you respond?

So here's what I try to do. I try to look at it as I'm not the issue isn't the person. The issue is the conversation, and we are attacking that together, right, not each other.

The issue is the person. It's not like the person caused the issue. So how can you attack the issue.

Without attacking the person?

Well, let's take the word attack out.

That's the only way, right, because anytime somebody here is attacked is just.

Negative combat, right the issue, I guess.

But if the person is the cause of the issue, it'll still feel like an attack.

On them to them.

You know what I'm saying. So I know they teach you that. Teach you that in therapy. Right, when you're in a relationship with somebody.

You're not the problem. We're going to attack the problem.

Okay, But if the problem is you leaving a toilet seat up or some shit like that, or I don't like how you talk, so the problem is the toilet seat is up, and then the problem is how you talk to me, Yeah, how is that?

You know?

Like you're so, so the problem is the toilet seat being up, and the problem is also the way it was communicated.

Right, Okay, So utilize active listening skills is what it says, so active listening, which I've learned also therapy is what do they call it?

It's like reflective or something like that.

So, like if we having a conversation, before I respond, I try to repeat what you said right and what I'm hearing, so to something like this, what I'm hearing you say, Tam is such and such and such and such, And then I ask you is that what you're saying and you say yes or no, and then I respond to it as opposed to assuming I understand what you said right, And then it also affirms to you that I'm actually listening.

To what I'm saying. But that's so hard to do in a real conversation that has some passion involved and you're potentially upset or whatever it is. Oftentimes you don't even let the other person finish their complete thought before you're responding. I know I'm guilty of that. I'd be like, bitch, already know what you're about to say because you just said it three fucking times and you ain't get it yet, and I'm going to interject because you're not clearly not

I just feel like there cannot be communication without interjection, Like I hate that. And we go through this a lot of times when we're talking, and even with my damn mom, and we like the same person. When you're talking to somebody, there's no way I'm about to let you talk for three to five minutes without interjection. Is like, this is now a lecture. Now you're a lecturing me, and here I am another adult, Like I didn't sign up for a lecture. I didn't sign up for a

Within reason.

I can't remember what you said for full three minutes. I'm only remember the beginning and the end. I'm gonna miss everything else in between. So if you think that I'm supposed to sit here and let you talk for three to five.

Minutes, and I've done it. Me and my homegirl we got into like.

A little spat one day about nothing, and at one point I just didn't say nothing, and I let her talk for a very long time, and then I asked if she was finished. Now, I couldn't do the reflective shit because I don't remember you sat it in the middle.

Dog. You know what I'm saying.

You said so many things that I did have I wanted to talk to a response to or whatever, and I couldn't just because this is for whatever, this is your style of communicating right now, That's not my style. I don't mind interjection, but what I do find is that people don't hear themselves. I hear myself talking over you. I hear myself interjecting. Do you hear when you do it to me?

Oftentimes people don't, So it says, you know, you gotta practice self awareness.

I think that's the biggest thing with emotional intelligence. You have to be self aware of who you are. And I am very, very self aware of who I am, so.

It helps me.

Because this is another reason why I thought about this the other day. I was telling you how I felt bad for not doing something for somebody else when I knew that they needed me, but they probably couldn't find the words to ask me.

But I was tired of doing for other.

Things they didn't fucking need. That's the thing you be thinking, motherfuckers need you. These is grown ass people. They'll figure it out.

I know they'll figure it out. But if I can make if you're my friend, right, and if I can make whatever you got going on easier, I feel like I'm supposed to.

Yeah. But here's the thing. You end up with resentment because you get you've overextended yourself. And I say I feel bad when I don't put myself first oftentimes, like damn, I keep doing this shit for people and I and now look at me neglecting myself, right.

Bitch, because I ain't sleep till yesterday, and I probably didn't sleep prior to that till like Wednesday.

Making sure I do other shit.

And it'd be a little dumb as shit like giving people a ride home, girl, if you don't let them get an uber and get the fuck home bitch, I just knew my fucking uper wasn't coming till two am about this week, text me when you make it home safe, baby?

Fucked up how it is, But it just depends on the situation though. It depends on where they at. You know what I'm saying, Like, can they even get home?

You just even even if.

They call an uber? It could take an hour? Okay girl, Okay, you like empathy for others?

No, I have empathy for others, but that's just not an empathetic Oh you had to say you had to wait an hour? Okay, you'll survive that.

Hmm. You know empathize? Are you here?

Here's the thing? Are you homeless? Do you not have nowhere to go for the uber? Okay you can. You can crash with me until you get yourself together. If it's someone I really got to be dire, Yeah, but if you just go and have an extra are you late? You're gonna be you? Don't you get an hour less sleep tonight? That's on you, baby girl.

So under there's ten ways to increase your emotional intelligence. Theres take critique. Well do you feel like you take critique? Well?

M M, neither do I Especially if I feel like I'm doing some ship right and here you come with some bullshit.

I'm I think I take criticism, criticism way better than you, though you'd be like, what bitch, Yeah, real quick. I'm more open to criticism, like I can't. I'll receive that with a grain of salt, but I'll receive it.

I think I don't take critique.

Well, sometimes when I know that I've given somebody a lot of grace, and when it's time for me to get grace, I don't get.

Any Well, here's the thing. Stop giving grace that you want receive that everybody you can't expect to give grace. Yeah they should, but they don't.

Right, So when I snap on your ass, that's when it's gonna teach you for the next time. No, it's not all he's gonna learn today. That's not gonna teach anything. All it's gonna do is cause more conflict. Like, don't give the grace if you feel like you're not gonna receive.

No, that's the problem.

People don't give each other enough grace. So now if you can't recognize where you've received grace when you weren't being the best, and now you think that because you're good now, right, you can't extend grace.

That's a problem.

But sometimes criticism isn't about grace. It's just about whatever the task is. It's not even about like, you know, not understanding your perspective or your point of view. It's just about whatever is at hand. And typically that's where criticism comes from. It's like what are we what it needs to be done? Or what how can this be better? And it's not about like grace and you know, no, I.

Think they're gonna hand in hand kind of it just does to me. So what's considered high emotion intelligence. It says that those who have high EQ and highly in tune with their with both their own emotions and other people's emotions around them. So that's when you very emotion emotional intelligence. They can recognize and understand the various feelings that sweep them through. Excuse me, they can they can recognize and understand the various feelings that sweep through them

Is without without drugs and alcohol too, because I think that's a lot of ways people use to code with whatever they are feeling. Like you know how I just said when I left the therapy, I like roll of joy, right yeah, or like after funerals everybody get drunk, you know.

Like, but maybe I think that weed is a part I know for black people.

Like that's why it was made it legal in America because that is one of our medicines.

You know what I'm saying. When they came to this land, we probably was already this is our ship. This is one of our medicines. Right, so they make it legal until it benefits them. Now it's legal, is okay for you to do, right, But I believe that black people this is our shit, Like we know that from Jamaicans, Like weed is like our medication.

Can't fuck with them edibles though, yeah.

Because you don't know how much season each piece, Like you can't tell me it's just one gram in this one?

Is that anything?

The problem believingly distributed?

It just don't have ourself. You smoke some weed, you high, right, right? But man, I found myself walking around Target. I was like, oh shit, I forgot I ate that animal about an hour ago, bab I was about to be sitting on the floor India stylad Target trying to make it and that shit.

Is different when you overdose on weed, because being drunk and being too high on weed is two different things. Bitch, I tried to drive home, whynot out a whole and I had taken a whole gummy before, But like I said, it's not evenly distributed, so you really don't know how much you're taking in this one particular dose. Bitch, I don't know how I got home.

I don't know.

That's why my eyes was closed the whole time.

So no, this guy had the beverage, right, So I don't understand. You have a beverage the size of a drink that you would have as a meal, right with your meal. But you're only supposed to take a cap full, right, just drink a cap of it. And it's like, what's the point of having it as a beverage if I can't drink the whole beverage. It should be like distributed through the beverage as the drink, right right. I did not know it, so I dranked the whole bottle with

So this is These are the seven signs of emotional intelligence. It says that your self aware.

When we went over that, people with high emotional intelligence have a strong sense of self, They're empathetic, they are present and focused, they have strong interpersonal skills, and their self motivated. Okay, that's somebody who does practice or the seven signs of being emotionally intelligence.

I feel like I have a decent emotional intelligence. It's not perfect by any measure, but it's pretty decent. Because self aware doesn't necessarily mean just knowing what you're good at, is also being able to identify where you're weak, you know.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know all.

I should just go back to being self aware and just fucking breathing sometimes thinking through your emotions, feeling through and I don't know.

I feel like maybe it's a little bit about it meaning fake what it's a little bit.

I think it's the opposite of being fake don't where is.

But maybe this is who I am?

Fake, no bitch, Like, maybe maybe how I display my feelings is just who I am.

You know what I'm saying. So if I might yell a little bit, that's just who I am.

No, that's a cop out.

Is a cop out? No.

I hate when a nigga be like, that's just who I am. A cheater, No, you don't get to do that.

You don't lie. He might just be a cheater. You can't make him not do that.

That's who But that's not okay though. This is what this is about. It's like being a better version of yourself and not just accepting your flaws and saying that's just who I am, but like working on the things and making it better.

That sounds like a person who's self aware if he could say that's just who I am. Now it's up to you to decide if that's what you want to deal with. That's like what Ayanya. Remember there's a there's an Instagram post of her like one of her episodes.

I don't know, because I think a lot of these men don't know how to love until you give them some training.

I think everybody knows how to is it? Are you the person I want to do it for? And that's why I don't like to spend the block shit like with Nelly and and Ashanti, because I almost feel like the only way men learn oftentimes.

Is through pain.

So if I leave you because you weren't doing these things I kept asking you to do, right, if I stay, he's never gonna change for me. But he won't change for the next woman because it's the pain he experienced from when I left that ass that'll make him change for the next woman. That's why I'll never mind giving a bit of a furbish nigga like.

Here, girl, he about to be real good for you.

He would not do these things for me, and he gonna do it for the next woman effort.

He might come and do.

The same shit. He might come come back around and do the same shit. You don't.

He might not. I feel like that's how they learn. Men learn through hurt.

But you know, I think it's also a growth and learning period that happens when you get older. Like with Ashanti Nelly, he's an older man than he was twenty years ago. I'm sure he's grown in so many ways, you know, both of them. Because we ain't gonna just put it on it. They know what happened.

That was like ten years ago. They broke up, right, so you think that.

I think he just see her being fucking fine, living our best life, looking so good.

Okay.

And now, sometimes niggas spend the block just to disturb your peace.

Dog.

Sometimes they come through just to funck shuit up and see if they can.

But I don't think this is the case. They look good together.

We'll see, we.

Will pard to them. I want them to do well, y'all.

Listen, We're gonna take a break right quick, and when we come back, I want to get into a little quick dumbitch story from this weekend the show We'll be back.

Dumb bitch story.

So, because we've all been a dumb bitch at least once or twice.

Y'all be back from break and I want to talk about we had one dumb what we did do? We asked the audience this weekend for a dumb bitch story, right, So we did have a couple one. I didn't really get to answer the girl's question. But so the first dumb bitch story we know that was actually the second one.

If you even if you didn't know at first, and then you found out and stay for a little while, you still don't tell because you were complicit in it for amount of time. Don't tell if you didn't know and he was just a complete liar and you found out like some kind of way, right, you found out? I personally wouldn't tell.

But the homegirl said she found out for her on Facebook.

I personally wouldn't tell, just because I just don't even have the time to disrupt another black woman life in that way.

We either bitch of call while you were at work stressing out with some white people. Shit, and now you fucking my day up because he ain't dropped, dick off, like I feel some type of way about that. You mad with my man, our man, you're mad with our man. Right, he ain't do what he was supposed to do, and now you wanna fuck my day up? And I feel like they were being disingenuous. I'm gonna tell you why if you are happy with somebody, why are y'all searching

You know what I was. I was dating a guy. Well we never we never took it to sex, and it was just my body telling me, like something right about this one, slow down, take your time. But he was so nice. He was doing all the things and saying all the right things and very very fine. Right, this was a good looking man, and my pussy was like thumping, like ooh, I want to give him some but I didn't, right, baby, all right? So I didn't go to his house because his house was being renovated

Did he invite you to meet his kid?

No? No, no, But he he didn't invite me to his house for that reason because we're both not ready for that. But I, you know, something said, it's something weird about this. So we had a mutual Facebook friend who I'm real cool with, and I went to her and I was like, what's what's up with old boy? She was like, girl, he is very married. But we'd be on the phone all night, facetiming in the middle of the night and I'm like, if he's amazing, if

Oh, so he was gonna fuck and just slither.

That was just playing. Then It's so funny because there's a woman. We're all in this Facebook group. And then woman messaged me and she always be in my DM saying wild shit to me because I be on here playing gay and shit, she'd be saying so wild shit to me. And she is very beautiful woman, right, very pretty woman. And she said him and her was betting to see who could fuck me first.

Yo, what is that crazy?

Like, I'm getting out of this group. This place is not a safe place. Why is a married man in a group like that? What type of shit is this?

Man? I'm beating my husband the fuck up you? Right? So I don't know where.

That story was going. I just felt like I needed to share that that was in my spirit, that these men will be lying to you and acting like they's something that they're not.

Man, you gotta have discernment.

You gotta have discernment, and I feel like we could get the signs all the time we ignore them.

But even after finding that out, there was no uh, there was no way I was gonna call his message his wife and tell her he was.

I'm never doing that ship.

That's why I said, like, bitch, you can come to me as a woman if you want, I'm coming as a sniper, because bitches be knowing maybe knowing so.

But see, let's say I had went to her and told her what was going, she would assume that I was lying.

Right, And that's another reason why I don't even if I see you a man, if you my best friend, like maybe, but even friends, like if I see your nigga doing some little slick ship, I'm mind my business.

I'm sorry. Oh no, I'm telling if it's my business. First of all, if it's my best friend, I'm gonna like it's my.

Best different having fun, No, that's different.

I'm gonna fight this nigga like it's my man. Yeah, I swear to guy, he will beat your ass. Because that's how I'm talking about my best friends.

Yeah, a best friend, yes, but like just friends acquaintances. I ain't telling nobody shoul it because I've seen women flip. They'll flip on your ass like you the problem I know.

And then now you're not invited to the cookout. I've had that happen lead them people.

She knew who she fucked with. That's one thing about it. We be knowing.

So stop back like you ain't knowing and hitting that man wife up. Don't hit that man wife up about shit, y'all practicing some emotional intelligence, right, all right, y'all listen. So if you enjoyed this episode, please tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app wherever the fuck you get your podcast at this your co host aj Holiday, y'all follow me on Instagram, check out we talked back eant dot com. We got some merchandise on there. Now it's alow,

You know, I would like to publicly apologize to you so at the live show at the end. Oh you saw the video, yeah, video, and I saw your face and you're like, the twit are you doing?

That's emotional intelligence.

So I apologize to you because I wasn't trying to like it was just a adrenaline pumping and I just went.

You was in your element. It's fine.

Yeah, okay, so you god damn.

I'm a j y'all. Thank you for coming.

That's bad. That was our first show.

So, like you know, I can't wait to do this ship though, I'm excited. I cannot wait to have our own live shows going, y'all. It's coming this year. Yeah, ship next month, we're gonna pull up. We might as well just throw one in Atlanta, throw.

In Charlotte, yeah yep, and maybe go ahead to Miami. What they're talking about, Houston.

Houston, Atlanta, Vegas. We all here, all.

Right, y'all. I'm tam Bama. I love y'all. Remember to speak now

And never hold your peace, deuces