Ep. 47 Don't Be An "At least" B*tch

like I ain't told y'all in a minute. Um. I went to d Artists past weekend by myself and I had a lot of fun. Actually, I hung out with this old man on the first night who was a foreign diplomat. Yeah, I know he was. He was cool. Probably was, um, what's those people are hit man? What if well he hits he hit nothing out there. I'm gonna tell you that he hit me. He thought he was gonna hit me too. At the end of the night, he looked so disappointed. I was like, sorry, Grandpa, I

gotta go. Did he have that gray got that gray line around his pupil? No, he wasn't that old. He was like fifty three. Mm, that's not old. I kind of like fifty three year olds. M hmmm, that's too old for me. They did he was he black. Yeah, he was youthful. He was a youthful fifty three. He wasn't like, you know, go get the soldier out the trunk. He going my keys. He wasn't that old, but he was old. He's too old for me, but he was a lot of fun and he cut me sauce up.

I don't know if y'll follow my Instagram, but was I had a whole Instagram rant drunk is Someone said, girl, you're drunk. Her in a football back. I don't even a football back. She saw that she's drunk, because what the fun is a football back? Exactly That's exactly how

drunk I was. Then I wrote, I was in Santo Domingo, and I left Santo Domingo and I went to Punta Conor, which was like across the country, two and a half hour drive, and I got an uber and my uber hit somebody, like literally hit a man on a motorcycle like I know what you did last summer type ship? Yeah, some ship like that and drove off. So I hope it ain't no dominicanting out here ready to come get me. I was a passenger to I was, I was a

victim to sir. And she ain't speaking no English, so I was like sitting there stunned, and she just was looking in the review at me, and then she just put her hand in the air like and she just kept going yo. So that's how didn't get down of dr They just be hitting motherfucker's on the highway. That's sound like China and something because they don't be having on stoplights and stop signs. They just be driving. They just be going. I don't see e men. Why they

have lanes there just for decoration. I think because nobody adheres to them, like in the Yes. But that was really the only adventure I had was you know, someone getting hit by a car. But but I had a good time. I went to the beach, but I ain't get in the beach. I ain't getting the water. I just was out there someplace for the New Year's I need some sun, I need some saying, I need something dick, I need all types of ship. I was on our period, so I know flow was like, fuck you bitch. I

didn't even playing for my peer. You know, I have a float chart and that my perer was supposed to come on the following week, but she came early. Hate. That's like your vacation. You see all those memes online like a bitch be packing a little overnight whole back and the perid come out the other room, like what uppit?

Where the fund you going without me? Bit? You know, I always thought that if I was planning to do some whole ship and my perid came on, I thought it was aside from God, like I'm not supposed to be doing this ship. That's why God like passing your sucking ass down for the weekend. You're trying to go fun with something you ain't got no business sucking with? Who you h at my heart? Did you hurt my heart? You know? You can get herpes from someone using a condom? Yeah,

because of skin contact. It's not like it's not like liquid, not liquid but body fluids like people think of other s. Cd S is skin contact that it's not really technically is it really uh an STD? It's not really an STD. It's more like a skin condition, right, But it has like such a very bad stigma more than it it is. You know, a sickness. Yeah, because if somebody gives you all sex who has like fever blisters, simplex one, you

can get that on your pussy. It may not come up as a simplex too, but you're gonna have to be. It'll be oral. It'll be oral herpes on your vaginant. Yeah, fool fool, fool, fool fool. He got's to be careful. It looks of y'all. Didn't know that. Y'all be with the niggs who always be getting the fever blisters. I always see you want light skin, dudes, and it wins the time, Like if y'll be fun with them, dudes,

get them fever blisters. Just no, pussy might look like a damn herpes cry crunch, I mean nestly crunch star Crunch, Star crunch bar. We don't hurt be shaman though. What about you? What's your what's your weekend? Look like? My weekend was all right? I actually did something this weekend. I went to a friend's birthday party, little gathering, and guess who the DJ was? Erica fucking do Yes. I'm jealous of you, Yes, girl, I love I love her.

She's beautiful too, She's beautiful one of my karaoke songs is Tyrone. When I do karaoke, it's either Dixie Chicks Earl or Tyrone or UM. I also do Jill Scott he Loves Me. Those are my three songs. But Erica Bardou is like one of the greatest all time. I love, love, love Erica, and she was with her was fat. Yes, she would listen like she'd fucking mixing too, like she's a real live DJ, like she'd be mixing and all of that. But she seems like she might have had

her leg up on something. But she just was like making that thing just like in DJ with her eyes closed. Bitch. She gave like some real good Lott affirmations before she started um DJ and I love Erica bad Man me too. It was a real intimate uh sating that she was there. But I was excited about that because that's one of my favorite I want to be close friends with your close friends so I can be in the midst of all that ship. Okay, good luck, bitch, like I'll be

sending you with people. Not for real, we're gonna be in there. But whenever you get a plus one, just let me be it until you get one Okay, cool, Well that sounds like a fun weekend. I love Erica, but do if you tune into the show, we love to have you as a guess. You should have tried to plug that ship. I know she got the funk up out of there too quick though, like she literally came to DJ. You know what I'm saying, Like she you know what I really want from Erica? Bad God,

just give me the check. I need like a super duperd check when I have a kid. I want Erka Baidu to be my dola. That's like a real life life goal of mine. I need a h I bring some life on this fuck up ass planet. I need Erica one of these. I just want to I just want to do Erica. I don't want to give no no baby behind. I want to play play makeup baby with her ass. I'm just joking. People don't think I'm gave for real and real life like you you gave

for the check. I'll just be talking. I'm scared of possy. I would need to that should look like a oyster, like I love oysters, and my thing is just like I just don't want to bitch what we've eating. My pussy leg and then like what happens where both of our periods sync up, like we're gonna be fighting. We're fighting. I'm not with that ship. Like at least a man can sunk the ship out of you after he piss you off. Like, now I gotta get this cold plastic dick.

I'm not good with that. I put it in the microwave for you, baby shame. Now you got what's the ship that microwaves give off? Uh? Girl, we're gonna all die one way or another, might as well radiation. No, you're eating up food with that motherfucker when I using microwave, So I definitely was wouldn't put dick in the microwave. I don't use the microwave. I recooked my food on the sober I put in the oven. Yeah, me too, or the air frying. I'm scared of air friers. Like,

how then does that work? It's like a it's like a I have the stove upside down with a face. It's like a confection of him. Is it confection and convection? Yeah? Okay, But what we got going on the old school eyes though they had to wire, you know, not these flat top ships that we got Now, it's the old school, that's it. Remember that where you m oh, I guess I never even looked at them to see how they were actually made. But I don't know. I'm scared of I'm scared of all that ship. I just want to

cook my ship and the stove on the stainless steel pot. Y'all, bitches be using them, uh not stainless steel, yeah, stainlessteel. You'll be using them non stickpots. All that should be scraped up in them pots. That's going to your food. I've seen this white lady at the hotel and she had on some of those Cardier Love Bengals and I was like, oh, they're so pretty. I'm not gonna line because I'm gonna see if I can get me one

for Christmas. Bit simp ships about seven thousand dollars a piece, and she had on three, Like bit y'all robbed you out here like a bit just jumking. I want to rob nobody, but yeah, on three of them, I just won't want what the hell I got to do with the damn air fryer? Bit Like, why you think about that, lady? Bracelets? I don't know, so just took me back to beautiful. If anybody want to buy me a Cardier bracelet, thank you, I love you? All right? Did you see Stevie J?

Girl moving right along? Did you see Stevie J what he did to Faith? Faith? Did his I'm gonna tell you something, So I saw somebody like when they put the video out of them arguing and him accusing her of having stuff like having somebody in their house. They're probably broken up. And yeah, she might have had the next nigg over very well possible, right, but that's funked up, all right, y'all. If y'all y'all weren't paying the taste to this week, Stevie J and ain't broke up, y'all.

But did we not see that coming? But they tried. I didn't think that was gonna last forever. And then the altercation aired and you know, went viral, and he accused her of bringing the nigg in the house and sucking him in the house. Listen, that's that's the kind of strict get you killed right there. You gotta be careful. I never was interested in what what her sign was her astrological sign until I read I think either was

on ts R ball alert. The video right, yes, listen when he said you had another bit of the house and she was like m but just said, wait a minute, what the fuck is Faith signed? Because that would have been my response another nigga, I'm sleep, I'm going to sleep whatever whatever. Hey shout out to all the geminis. Hey, I'm gonna tell you something. Don't think y'all can do that, like Faith did, bring nig and talking about you in the house. Probably her house. All them damn kids that

nigga own. He can't own no property or nothing because the damn text man and child support man coming. It's probably her house and he's concerned about her having a niggin by. He's seeking spouse of support. From what I understand, Listen, I'm not against that because men have to take care of women all the time, like whoever has the most money, blah blah blah blah blah blah. You know, they really weren't married that long for him to be trying to

three years, that's not long enough. Nigga, You forty something years old. Damn they're fifties. So now I'm having to pay because I was married to you for three years and you're used to some lifestyle after three years, I gotta help you keep up with that's some bullshit. He's not gonna get that. They don't even have no kids together. He's not gonna get that. Did you see right? Well? I hope he gets a little a little bit. You really hope he does that to Faith. She knew who

the funk he was before she married his friends. They really thought they probably was going to be together forever, you know, because that's the whole ching you gotta, you gotta During that time, everybody was watching love and hip hop, but you weren't watching, you know what I'm like, You didn't see how doing Josh. Look, you know, I'm light skinned. Bitches think that the exception, but you ain't no exception. But you gonna dog right, it's gonna be the same ship, right.

He want a light skin now, he wants a spou he wants he wants to check now. So I mean, I feel you know, sorry, Faith, we love you, but that's how a cookie curl sometimes. Alright, moving right along, No, let's go to a commercial, bitch, let's face some bills. He'd be right back. What's out with Tristan? Now? He's wilding out? Okay, did you read the fucking Tristan throw

that Dick Thompson and his back at it again. He's so fine, he said, he about to be unemployed, so you ain't gonna get no money, but to a millionaire, I'm getting something every month. He is terrible. You know, every day I see future in a different light. It's just something that's a little worse than a lot worse, a lot worse. Poor clothes. You want to pay her.

My thing is so you want to you want to keep the millionaire, but you want to keep impregnant in all these regular women and then trying to force them to have an abortion. My thing with men and abortions, like, nigga, don't suggest nothing to me. If I decided to have an abortion, that's gonna sucking me. You don't have to deal with this ship even with a morning after playing b pill. Like you don't have to deal with the

after effects of having to take the pill. You don't have to deal with the emotional and physical ship you're gonna go through after having abortion. Don't suggest a motherfucking thing to me now. But I have taken the seventy five dollars because this nigga said he don't want a baby and we had four weeks. Absolutely the fuck, Like, I'm not into forcing anybody to do some ship they

don't want to do. But that baby is in you. First, Nigga, I would have been like a hundred fifty extra yes, a hundred fifty double it bit outside an NDA and going about my fucking business. But you're not about to play me via text like that, like who are you talking to? And I'm pretty sure why I think I did. They show up images of well, maybe that girl wanted to be a mom. You never know, like what if

she never could get the future? The girl who were not the last woman, but the Haitian girl who had the baby for the future. I forgot her name from Miami. She was like, you know, I'm thirty six years old. I've never been pregnant. Now I'm pregnant. The doctor said, like this could be like a high risk pregnancy. Who's to say I would ever be able to get pregnant again. I'm keeping my fucking kid right. Furthermore, just somebody even sucking raw for how long? Forever? She said her in

future I had never used the condom. We also know that Tristan on me using the goddamn condoms. He don't use no condoms. It's clear he don't be using it. He's sucking the trainer wrong. You're just sucking everybody wrong. You don't give a damn dog as a woman, as a woman as Chloe, and he finds his hell. I probably would have gave something too, but I would I just listen. I know this come up every week, but I'm gonna say it again this week. Y'all. Just use condoms, y'all.

What the fuck is wrong? Right? You don't gotta have these niggas baby down. You don't have to have amortion. You can't use the condom. Yeah, he Chloe, he busting in that thing. He probably ain't got no control. He'd probably be in there like he like really hang in these women and then saying ship like heading sandy fire racks like that's some expensive ass nuts. Just use the

cond yeah, yeah, a box of what's some skin condoms? Day, like eleven ninety nine bro eleven dollars an sid You could have saved seventy four thousand, nine hundred nine and nine note nine hundred eighty nine dollars if you just bought a box of Countos stupid ass. I hope she keeps that baby, and I hope Chloe leave your ass because you don't deserve to be with nobody right now, absolutely until you get your ship together. But you keep them how you get them? Sorry, Chloe. Ye oh, and

she stole him from somebody. Remember his other his first child's mom. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with that kid when he got with Chloe. Mm hmm. So hey, and we already know that family. Maybe they definitely snatch your nigga up. But the thing I noticed about them, they can't keep no nigger. That pussy wax his hell over there. They're going to get white men now, they're going to get like white rock rocker dudes. That's the I'm gonna go get me one. I'm gonna go get

me one too, with the skims outfit. I'm gonna give me some scams, and I'm gonna get me a white rocker boy with the tattoos and ship like the cool white boys. They're going to get like some white boysencies it's what they're trying to do. Like it's like with all the cool but not all the you know, generational trauma. Tristan Jamaican. You know here a whole whole lot here girl buy he ain't got no choice. And Chloe like, how do you think you can have that? Fin ask

man like that he ain't gonna nobody. Come on, man, he's you know what kind of it's not even the fucking other people? Is the how you do it? I want you to. It was so smooth at like doing like how what's his name, Lebron? Yeah, Lebron, That's what I'm talking about doing like Lebron. It's not cheating on Savannah. Fine ass. I don't believe that they're both cheating on each other. They got sign people believe that happily happily leave that? Who said that? Who said that? I don't

believe that. I'm trying to go with both of y'all. That's how you try to put that narrative out there because you're trying to snatch like you're trying to be there. I love Savannah, Yes, I love Savannah Ward and Lebron. I don't know. She seems like we could be good friends. I do her hair, we go shopping, she eat my people like sounds so good. I'm joking, Savannah, unless you win it. These are jokes, guys, don't be bad? Is that inappropriate? Do you care? Inappropriate? So? What the hell

we talk about today? Job? No, let's let's pay in a one more bill before we get into the thick of one. It's gonna change another another one. Okay, y'all, we're back now. I bought this book over the weekend because, as I told y'all in the beginning, I'm going through a little heartache. Oh this man. So I bought this book and it's called Getting Over Him and Back to You, and it's by Kindled. If you ladies are going through a breakup of any sort, please buy this little book

and you can. It's gonna ask us a couple of questions, and well asked quite a few questions. We're just gonna answer a couple all of them. A j actually recently went through a split, and I want her to answer these questions. And we're gonna be it with you guys, and then you guys can like pause us and do it yourself, you know beforehand, like why like I know you because I want you to be vulnerable. I don't want you to prepare. Yeah, I know me too. Let's

cry together. I'm a real nigga, man, I can't be crying. Well, let's cry. It ain't two yet. Let's cry it all out now so we can be good for the new year. Damn it. All right. So it stars and says you're crying is stressed out over a man that won't even be your type anymore once you level up and become your highest self. And there's a mm hmmm, and it's a picture woman and then she's her body is stretched up and her chin is to the sky and it's like butterflies floating from her chest. So now look at

me asking right quick. Because I always tell my niece that the niggas you're fucking now, they're not gonna be able to see your pussy thirty years old. When you get thirty like these same type of guys, you're not gonna be interested in him. So keep them regrets to him and him and go ahead. All right. So the first question, oh my god, you wait, wait, wait, are you gonna be answering these fucking questions too? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna answer them first. Okay, we'll see. Oh, I'm

gonna answer this one first, all right. Alright, So it says what attracted me to him. What did I find attractive about him? So I'm gonna tell y'all. I'm at this nigga in the club. I was in his section. He was sitting on the top of the chair, and he was looking all shiny's brown, his hairs are curly, and he smiled, and his smile just like lit up the whole club. I was like, damn, he fine as hell, looking like a fucking Boston here. That was my initial attraction. Okay,

let's see. So I met my ex through his sister, Actually met his sister at a wedding, and she hooked me up with her brother, right and I was going through a bunch of ship, almost went to prison right before. I just thought it was gonna be a solid fucking hook up. Right, So when I met him, I met the very next day. We link up. We go to um, this little spot in Charlotte, actually two different little spots,

and like little bar and all that. But I would say, um, maybe how he was dressed, Maybe because he just seemed different from men I usually date. Um, this nigger like had a headband on, like he made his shirt, he made his shirt that he was wearing. Um, he just seemed like real manly, that's what attracted me to him initially, um and creative. Manly and creative, I would say, that's what attracted me to him. And we had conversation. Our conversation was always like a big thing we would live.

When we first started talking, we would literally like set time aside to talk. Okay, it says you will attract all types of men. Your level of self esteem, voids and unhealed traumas will determine who you are attracted to. Now that right there. I always say you date based on your self esteem. And like I said, at the time, I was going through a bunch of ships, you know, so my self esteem may not have been as high as it could have been when I meant him as

it should have been. I don't know if mine and mine is still as high as it should be. You know, I don't feel like it. That's the date, have you? Uh? Mary J. Blige new song good Morning, Gorgeous Doe. I'll be playing that ship to myself. That's a whole anthem. I'll be singing it. Yeah, And she said, I ain't talking about makeup and hair done. I'm talking about right when you wake up, bitch, how you look when you wake up crusty, crusty, I slove down the side of

your mouth. Good morning, gorgeous. Yes, you got to speak to yourself. You gotta learn how to speak that to yourself. Even if and say it to you believe it. Even if you're looking in the mirror you be like I'm ugly right now. Still say it to yourself till you believe it. So next question, you're gonna answer this one. Okay, some voids he may have feeled for me were at that time, I hadn't had sex for like a year, so he did feel the dick void with some real

good dick, like soul snatching dick. Uh, what else can we see? Just having somebody I know would show up for me, You know what I'm saying, Like somebody can depend on he feeled. He feeled that I like people I can depend on. I may stay with somebody too long because I made may become I don't want to stay co dependent. But it's just hard to find people you know you can depend on. And I think a lot of women experienced that. Like you're working with somebody

you can't even call in the state of emergency. I could call him, no matter even if you know, even in the beginning stages where I wasn't sure why our relationship was going at, I could still depend on him. So I feel like maybe that's one thing I think for me, it was something similar to that. You know, I was really at that time when we met, living from hand the mouth where I was like paying everything

out and just just very hustling. I didn't have any safety net, and he definitely was a safety net for me, especially financially, like you know, if I needed it, he would give it to me. And I didn't abuse that, you know, but he was there then. He was my smoke partner, Like anybody who know me, no, I love me some good old ah and that was yeah, that was that was my smoke partner. And we just would

have a lot of fun together. So I think he feels those boys that I had, like the type of men I had been dating, they were like that would be great with this, but missing that. Like I was dating this one guy and he was so cool and he was successful and you know he was a helpmate, but um, he was a bitch as nigga. Like remember I had Diamonds, my dog. She was a child about four pounds soaking with I let her out the cage

and he was like, I can't. You have to get the funk out of our house because this is my me and my doghouse, bitch. Right. Oh but the smoke, like I wasn't smoking like that prior to me in my ex and we started I started smoking with him, and you know, needed sex, like I can understand, like Bobby and with me, like you do your drug a choice together with whoever and then having sex with it. It just it's something spiritual that happens, man. It really,

it's some type of some type of bond. Something happens when you be um having sex under the influence like that a lot, Like it's planned into y'all activity, right, and that should make you connected on a cellular level or something else. Yeah, Like I can feel you when you're not around me. I can smell you when you're not around me, like I can. I can think about that dick going in and feel it. You ever been like that, like just like like a little something just

come over you right quick. No, I ain't never felt the dick when the dick y'all. If y'all felt this, send us a message if y'all. If y'all have ever been just driving to work one morning and you think about a session you had with that one man and you just get like this little tingling thing. Now, I don't get butterflies. I'm thinking about it, but I don't never felt no imaginary dick. No, I feel like I'm coming a little bit. Oh No, you got like for real,

something different. It's like like a little all right, next question. Breaking up with him made me feel like Um. Breaking up with him made me feal Um, I don't know, like some days I could breathe easier, less stressed. Um, Jesus Christ girl. Breaking up with him made me feel sad. You know I feel sadness. Um, I feel hopeful. I still have hope to find something beautiful in the future if I can love him the way I did. I know that I'm capable of that, and I'm grateful that

he showed me that I'm capable of that. And the Lord will see me somebody that we're talking about the law of today, I hear that I feel resentful because I feel like I spent a lot of time. I gave a lot of time away for nothing. Um. I think that's a woman thing. I don't think men feel resentful when they break up with us. I don't think the way we calculate our time, men don't do that. Men don't count up like I guess because sometimes it's

usually should happen to the happening to the woman. Or maybe that's just how we feel, maybe we aren't taking accountability for the roles we may have played and whatever. But we do definitely calculate time up on a nigga, like I could have been doing this in this amount of time, or I could have been with so and so, like we definitely and that causes you to keep one foot at the door when you when you're always thinking about what it should have could have on a nigga.

So I do have a lot of I have more resentment towards myself, though I really don't have a lot of resentment towards him, because when things happen in a relationship, I'd be like, man, what the fund is it about me that makes you think you could play with me like this? Like? What is it about me that makes you think you could talk to me like this? What it is about me to make you think you? Don't?

It be their ship? Right? But but you would not have allowed that thing to happen had you been different. Do you see what I'm saying? I felt Another thing I felt was devalued, like I wasn't enough. Um, I think that's about all the feelings I had anger, no let me And I'm lying, that's when I felt like mad, like I want to hurt this nigger the way I'm hurting. Yeah,

that's that's some real ship. I guess that's the difference between me when I break up with When I break up with somebody, I just be like, like, if you different, now is for the next woman. I don't mind giving a woman to refurbished that nigger, like I went through all this ship, so y'all can have a great relationship. That's just really how I feel about it. Um. I guess it's different. I don't know. So maybe it's different

if the woman is the one who got dumped. Not saying that you're the one that got dumped, but I think women would have a different um outlook on how the relationship, like what transpired any relationship if they weren't the one that ended it. But usually women, women are usually the ones that leave situations. And I don't be how I feel right now is just like I am skeptical of the unknown, like what's next? Am I really done? Like? Could I be back with this person? I'm just be honest.

Could I be back with him a year or two from now? I could think about? I think about those things, but then what I do to make sure I keep more moving forward? As I think about all the things that happened, I ain't like like I know I didn't deserve and that keeps me from going back right. So that but leads me to this question, did he betray me? Or did I portray betray myself? In what ways did I betray myself? I feel like in my last relationship,

I betrayed myself big time. That's why I said I got more resentment towards me than him because earlier on in the relationship there was a lot of things that is happening that I overlooked because I just wanted somebody, you know what I'm saying, Like I felt like my connection with this person was greater than any other woman. It was great at any situation. I loved him in spite of like I know, a lot of men say like women like they're the last ones to get unconditional love,

like on a scale from dogs the kids. Like, it's just not true. I think all people. We probably have more unconditional love for little humans, kids and dogs only because they show unconditional love. Back between adult humans, we don't show unconditional love. It's unconditional to a certain time period. And then it's like, you know what, this is a enough Yeah, it don't be unconditional at all as far

as I'm concerned. It's full of condition. Yeah, And I just feel like, um, I definitely went against my intuition. I went against what I knew I wanted. I went against uh um what I knew, Like, you know, this is this is this isn't this isn't what I deserve. I don't deserve to begin treated like this. And I stayed until those things stopped. But then when they stopped, it's like it's too fucking late, like it's so much damaged. I don't went through Now, I don't like you, right,

That's where I ended up at. So and it's not because and and it's really some days I don't like myself because I list somebody play with me like this, Yeah, same, I can't even I wouldn't even my situation. I wouldn't even say he betrayed me. I betrayed myself because I just really believe, like them light skinned bitches, that I could change this. I want my damny lee she but you're not a light skin I thought I was, y'all, and I just I played. I played myself. Congratulations, shorty,

you played yourself. That's how I did. It was me. You know, I can't even blame him because he didn't make me no promises. It was me trying to turn him into what I want to happen. I knew you've seen those posts online that said, if a woman really loves you, shoot a lot of herself. Mm hmmm. That and for a man to create that, I'm assuming a man created that post. That's some real nasty ship, you

know what I'm saying. Because we we will do that, we'll see the brighter side of everything, like we'll see some ship in you that you don't even see, and we'll fall in love with your potential or the potential. And that was the relationship, and right I'll turned it I turned into and at least bit at least he paid my bills. At least I ain't got about no weed. At least he keep me dripped. I will don't be an at least bitch. You are not an at least bitch.

You are the standard ladies. Stop being the at least bit. Promise in two I won't be at least nothing. Okay, I'm gonna be the most bitch, not the least period. Al says the way you love him can make him seem more special than what he really is him withholding his love can make it seem like you're really missing out on something, but you're not. M boo all right? Why am I finding it so hard to let him go?

Um so again, it would be the same thing. It's the it's the just dependability, just the having somebody you know who's gonna show up for you. You know what I'm saying. I'm saying that I grew up as a child who just never had anybody show up for me or like, I don't know, I it's just hard to find people you can depend on. It that's just I mean with your mate, family for ends, it's hard to find. And I'm a dependable person, like I'm gonna come through for you, and I feel like, you know more, My

thing isn't he was very dependable. But my thing that makes it hard for me to let go is I don't really I have trouble connecting with people, with men on a deeper level. It takes me a long time for me to feel comfortable. Can I like, can I be around you with my wig off? Can I just feel beautiful when I don't feel beautiful around you? Like I just I would miss like holding all I like. I'm so I'm a nurturer, So I like caressing and

hugging and rubbing. I'm gonna miss all that ship. Well, I guess I can do that with the next nigga. But I don't be wanting to the next nigga. I don't be like, get off of me, motherfucker. Yeah. But every reason why you may feel that way is because you haven't let the connection go up with this person. You know what I'm saying. If you don't have yourself open to receiving that type of love from somebody else, it don't never happen. If you keep saving space for him,

it's never gonna happen. Bitch. I need to write a motherfucker book. I need to finish right in a motherfucking book. How about that, like, you're not even you're not even opening yourself up to the possibilities of being able to get somebody else to do those things with because you save space for this fucking nigga that's just unattainable. Yeah, all right, and then here's this is the last question now because I don't want to do the whole this bitch whole book. And then she coming to us in

what ways did he bring out the worst in me? Y'all? I'm gonna tell you, I know I'd be joking on here a lot. I'd be saying, like how I'm gonna fight people and stuff like I am a real live fighter. If I feel disrespected, if I feel like I don't have a choice, like I'm a fight and I don't want to though, so if I keep if we keep getting to these things, that makes me feel like like I want to attack you, like why why why are

you doing these things to me? Like and there I believe there is a reset button on the top of a nigger's head, like for real, you just gotta jump up there like the damn Jordan jumped manote. We are here and we talked back. We do not promote domestic violence. You g so that is one of the things he would bring out of me. No, I don't want I don't want to be with anyone. I don't want to

be with any man that I can easily disrespect. So I felt that I was getting to a point of being very disrespectful, um because I just didn't care anymore. I don't care about your feelings. I didn't care about how you felt because I felt for the longest you didn't give a funk about how I was feeling. So now I'm just like, really a nasty bitch, and I am not a nasty bitch. So I don't want to be with anybody that brings Dad out of me. Megan the Stallion, she was on to Rogi p Henson Show.

I think it's a podcast, but she wo was talking about party and she was saying, how you know and her all her other relationships. She was more about like the physical or whatever. Right, But she was like, man, man, my boyfriend, he really take care of my mental health. And I felt sad here and that because I want that, like I want somebody, Like the world is so fucking crazy outside the walls, y'all in when I come in here like this supposed to be my fucking safe space.

I should. I'm supposed to be able to cry, You're supposed to be able to console me. We console each other. I'm supposed to make you laugh. We're supposed to make each other feel good. You're supposed to speak love, life, and light into each other. If that's not happening, and I'm just a maniac with you, I don't need to be with you. But I feel like a lot of men are literally sons of bitches like y'all were raised by women, um who were probably verbally abusive, did have

time for you at work. You have a lot of resentment towards the women that raise you. So you get with women and the only way you feel love is when I'm cussing, screaming, yelling, and kicking your ass, because that's how you, that's you. You have a fucked up sense of like what love is to me, love is taking somebody else's life into consideration as if it's your own. I don't want to fight me, I don't want to cuss me. I want to talk nice to me. I

want to talk nice to you. Yeah, But if I'm I'm continuously put into situations where I have to be demeaning, and I saying I have to be. But I guess that's a defense mechanism a lot of the times because I can't even say that he was real. Um, I know my my fucking levels go from zero tell hundred, and that's one thing I'd be working on. I just need somebody that cares about my mental health to where I never have to get to five. I never have to get to sixty. It's just I can talk to them.

They're not talking to me and trying to confuse me, you know what I'm saying. Like I feel like a lot of times people gas like you mm hm, oh, it's not that serious. How do you upset someone and then tell them the severity of it? Like it ain't even that serious. You can't tell me the severity of a situation that pissed me the funk off. So now here we are. But yeah, I don't want uh, I don't.

I don't like how it was in that relationship. I um, Like I said earlier, you know, I turned into this at least bitch, and I made excuses for why this was okay, And this is just something to hold me till I find where God has for me. But God is not gonna send me. But he asked for me while I'm still holding on this ship. You know. So I think that was the worst of it out. I minimized myself m in this relationship because it's satisfied some

of my knees, but not the most important ones, you know. Yeah, So is your love language still gifts? Yeah? That ain't changed. Yeah, some thing's never changed. Yeah, this ship got deep. Y'all know I was a philosopher, these niggas. He I just feel like, you know, he might have used my love language to manipulate me in ways sometimes you know, like or you use your love language to manipulate allowed it. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, look at this, ysel bag. This ain't

nothing but the devil. Ain't it cute? Girl? No, that's what you would say that girl. That man loved me. Girl. Look where you got me that I distinctively remember last year your birthday. He was like, girl, that man love me. Girl, look at this, but listen, just because somebody could buy you some ship, that does not mean they love you. They just can afford this ship you like. But let's let's let's also add this in there. You cannot negate

how someone loves. So that's why I always say, you just have to find somebody with the same definition of love as you, because just because somebody's not loving you the way you think they should love you doesn't mean they don't love you. That's just how they love. So him even buying you things like he probably that that is that's that's how he shows love, you know what I'm saying. So you just have to identify how you want to really be loved, Like, is him buying me

gifts how I want to be loved? It's not like, that's how it is how I want to be loved, And that's why we made it as far as we did. But it's not the only way I want to be loved. Their secondary and third positions to my love languages that need to be needs to be able to weave through all five and how many other love languages we can come up with, Like, Yeah, because why is sex not

a love language? I guess that falls under physical touch. Yeah, because sex is definitely um a way of communicating I mean, not having good sex, like I won't talk to you verbally and see the thing, that thing that never failed all the way to the end. The sex is bomb. You know, that was never a problem. It's just everything else, all right. So it says trust that he is not as good as it gets. Trust that you can love again and then it can be better than the love

you're letting go. Mhm. And I want to believe that so hard, but I'm challenged by it because I just be looking in that like my mom and their friends, and and just wom older women that I do their hair, and they never they never have a man again, but they'd be content though, they'd be fulfilling themselves and they'd be happy. So they say, you know, I don't know if they are for real, but they seem to be happy. But I don't want to be happy by myself. I don't.

I don't want to be happy about myself. Y'all listen if y'all trying to distinguish who's to Tammy got the granny pussy voice, but she got the bomb pussy though, calling what you want and I'm gonna get you one to get one sound like your auntie, damn man, I don't know. Um. I'm not afraid to be alone, and I feel like the earlier women learn how to be alone own and love themselves the better it is. It's hard to be by yourself, but once you get comfortable

being with you. That's why that song Marj blinst song is so good. This is a fifty sum yeo woman who has finally learned that she's the ship. For How long was she questioned herself because of the treatment she was receiving from men like we already need these fucking men to validate who the funk we are. If you searching outside yourself to determine who you are, you gonna be lost forever. And um, but I don't. I don't feel like. I feel like I am finding myself more

as a woman. The older I get, right, and I'm getting more in tune with who I am and what I want. But I do want a nigger though, And I feel like, even though this relationship is ending, I felt like I've been alone the whole time, you know, And I don't feel like I've really had no bout

That should be. That should then make it easier for you to sadvertise if you already felt a known while in a relationship, that means you're you're single in a relationship essentially, right, It shouldn't you should never think that you could not get another situation at least comparable to that one. No. See, that's the thing. I don't want that again, That's what I'm saying, Like, I don't want to do that. But could you imagine another year going

by and you're still going through the same thing. That's what you don't want, Like you don't want another tall month to that. No, I can't do it. But then that's that would be a motivation to keep putting yourself first. Um, but I just don't want to look up and I'm forty something and just just still find going to happen. That's not gonna happen. You could be in a relationship with somebody tomorrow if you wanted to be, and you know that. I know that, like I know that about myself.

I really want to get married tomorrow. I know a couple of things that are marry me. But I don't just want to marry because they want me. But you can, you can want them to. You just wasn't opening yourself up to even wanting because you were with Mr uh Intangible, Mr Big exactly, so you weren't even you don't even know if you could love these people. You don't even know if you could like these people because you just

wasn't open to it. Didn't you realize the nigga like super Dope, you just wasn't paying attention to his ass he could happen. I'm not scaring lit an optimistic bitch. I haven't seen a couple of my niggas on shading in the past. You know your problem. Why are you fucking niggas in the shade room like Brad. That's what I had to log logs off that made your figs. That's a problem. There was never mind, or maybe I was project assholes. Oh ship, all right, I'm not all right.

We're not gonna ask y'all no more questions from this book, but you should. If you're going through something similar as me and a j you should go ahead and grab This book is called Getting Over Him and Back to You. It's by Kendall d And it's a journal, right, So the questions are laid out and then it has space for you to write your answers in. You know, you don't have to do them over a fucking podcast for the world to criticize you like us. You could just

do it by yourself. So y'all get that book. It's it's really cute and it's I think it's to help you heal. We're gonna see what to do for me and A J A J. You want one of these? How bo? You want to check it out? You know, I actually went through break up counseling. I a therapist for breaking up. That's that's healthy. So this is why I'm trying to stick to my things. Now. If my ax happens to listen to this episode and he'll understand

why it's so hard to get me back. Yeah, because so do you really try to get her in mind right? And when you got your mind right, ship just don't slide. Yeah, me too. I'm really trying this time. Like, and I'll y'all, I'm gonna tell you all this. I'm broke up with this nick about seventeen times, like you don't even know it's been had in the game and look how you Meanwhile, we put my whole life on the line, child, put all the business out there and even out here flexing.

This time. I'm really done, y'all, I think, And I would be like, did you remember you remember you said you were done? Right? Tune in an episode forty four. Bit when you said you was done, I'm gonna replay it for you, because clearly you forgot an episode forty seven. I remember it's forty seven. Y'all were coming up on our one year anniversary. Yes, I'm playing it. I'm playing something for us a j We're gonna do it. We're gonna celebrate, y'all coming, y'all better pull up? What else

we got? Oh, we got a dumb bitch story. Dumb bitch stories because we've all been a dumb bitch at least once or twice. Okay, here, guys, hey, guys, here's our dumb bach story of the week. All right. This came from a Instagram follower. Uh I won't tell you her name because it's anonymous. Um says, I actually have plenty of dumbing stories regarding the same nigga. But here's one of the funniest. So me and my so, me and my man had just moved into our first spot

together on uh ten five, two thou eighteen. It was my first time moving out of my mom's house and I was twenty one years old. We when we moved in together, we were not officially together. He told me that once we moved in together, we could become official because he had to make sure I was ready or some dumb ship like that red f act. That ship don't even make any sense. But I was young and dumb so really didn't question it too much as I

should have. On October ten, we had a conversation and made things finally official, saying that we were now in a relationship. Bitch. That was on a Wednesday. While on that Friday, literally two days later, this man did not pick me up from work in my car. My sister had to come get me. So now I'm at home in the living room looking craziest fuck up, crying, blowing his phone up with no answer. This man finally makes his entrance at two a m. And I asked him

where has he been? He said, playing poker with his friends. So he's at the microwave heating up some food with his back turned to me. I get off the couch to walk down the hall, and something tells me to look at him. Why the funk was there a condom hanging out the back of this man's jeans, like just dangling there. I walked up to him and I said, Oh, where did you said you was? At again, and he repeats the same lie I snatched the con them from

his jeans. In quotation, it says very much disgusting, because now I'm touching another bitches pussy juices. And I was like, well, what's this, nigga? He looked like he had just seen the ghosts. Then he looks me dead in my face, trying to look as surprised as I am, says out his dumb mouth, My friends must be playing a joke on me or something. Girl, What the fuck? Why would your friends who's thirty plus put a used condom on

the back of your jeans? Nigga? I couldnt. I was about to swing, and he grabbed me, and I and bear hugged me that night. That's a night I will never forget. And then I took him back. Oh my god, how could I be so damn dumb? Fast forward three years later, we're still together. Sometimes it's very on and off, in toxic, but I do live on my own and he has his own place too. I don't put up with half the ship I used to, and I started doing me and the rolls had reversed at this point

where he was now going through my ship. But that's my dumb bing story. Child. I love y'all show, Thank y'all girl. So three years later, y'all still now he now she doesn't started pulling the you. That's the thing that goes back to one of the questions, Right, why are you gonna stay with somebody to talk to guys?

Situation that long to where you start being a nigga, to where you stopped giving a funk, to where you start playing with him, to where you got the comming hanging out your back pussy, your back pussy, I mean backpockets, yo, Like, why would you list like that's not natural, that's not that obviously obviously that wasn't natural for her, right, So why I stay with the naked today? They turned you into them? I'm a puller, you on you like, get

the funk up out of there? Just get out of there. Yeah, man, just get out of there. It's not worth it. But that's younger going through hell hella, dumb ship. You'ren't even supposed to be like I'm not saying I do believe you're supposed to find your meat sometime in your twenties, at least a few like people, but to be in like a long term serious relationship in your twenties. I don't. It's not highly suggested from my book Living Together with a Man. No, not my daughter. Hell no, now you

know what. I didn't want to do another episode on SAM one day. I want to do an episode on on Black women dating. That might be our next episode. We'll talk about that, like do we know how to date? Because why are you living with that's an attachment issue. Yeah, that's very young. But some people get together and live happily ever after. You know, just a small ass ample size bitch, like just it's definitely like the size of that ship. They give you a sepphoria when you use

your points. Yep, I don't want her to. I think what could happen. She could possibly finally savertize with this guy. And then you get with a nice man and then play with him all type of ways because that's what

you used to. You get with someone else who's not your ex, who may be good for you, may be great for you, but you're guarded um and now you're having him experienced the ship that you went through, and then you ruin him for the next woman, and so forth and so on, and the psychle continues, Yeah, so just try to keep your I don't want to say innocence. Just try to keep your nice. Try to keep your nice to minimum. Just try to keep your nice about yourself.

I don't know did she have an actually, because you're gonna look up and you're gonna be a whole nigga? Did she have a question? No? It wasn't no question. It was just a story basically how she pulled a nasty on the amount of nigga back as. I just don't know if I could, if I can handle it being that blatant in my face. Why is in the

back though? That's what I'd be concerned with. Why was the condom in the back because she might not be dookey on itive and it might have been his damn me just posted it out his ass and put it on his pocket? Yo, How did it get back there? Though? That's why I was just trying to forget Jesse Smollett. I know we gotta go, but Jesse Smollett, Yeah, man, how you practice how you do a practice room for

your crime is still sucking up? You know. The funny part is how you had this relationship with this nigga? Like when he was telling like how a relationship like I was like, Yo, what is happening? Listen? Don't let them distract y'all from the biggest case of the century though. That fucking gets Lae Maxi Lane. Yes, So now you you know black people love to be entertained. Y'all, Please pay attention to what the fund is happening out here because I really feel like our life depends on it. Yeah,

and the lives of our kids. Man, that was out here, you know, doing some awful things. Man, well look into it. But I enjoyed this episode. Talking is definitely my therapy. I don't have to talk to an actual therapists. I just need somebody that I can talk to. I just yeah, I appreciate you all for listening. And sometimes you'll send me messages judging me. Y'all know, I don't give a fuck, but I do appreciate that you even tune in, So just continue. Thank you. Right, Look, but if you guys

enjoyed this episode, you know what time it is. Hit us up on We Talked Back podcast on Instagram. That's your girl a j Holiday two point oh, follow me on the Grahams and make sure you keep sending them dumbing stories. We haven't received and asked a black friend. With all the fun things that are going on amongst the black and white community right now, we haven't received any questions or any statements or anything, but y'all can send that shouldn't via Instagram or email us that we

talked back po d at gmail dot com. If you want to be on the show, email that's two right, and we're gonna have some merged coming your way, you guys, So y'all stay tuned for that. We want to see you in your we talk back paraph. Yeah, it's official Tambam on Instagram. Y'all follow me there. I love y'all. Y'all have