Ep 34 "No Church In the Wild II" with Dylan and Hailey Lane

had going on? I um went out. I was just supposed to be having a brunch with my baby mama, which is my godmama's child walked home, the babysitter came, and then we went to a club and we turned up like some bitches who don't have their children for the night. Child almost went to jail and everything. Len, Wait, how the funk y'all almost went to jail? Do you? I girl? I know? But who was driving? We have the gift that I said less uber, let's not because we just want to get home. When we're ready to

get home, we don't want to wait. I was like, all right, and then my home girls side swapped the car a part car? How you hit a park car bage? Wait? So who call it? Wait? The police was outside. The police was outside across the street and the right so I got I was getting out that I got out the car to take to walk my home girl in because she was kind of tipsy, so are drunk rather, so I was walking her in the other friend like she's backing up in all years out inside of somebody's

fucking car. Like I walked. I keep walking like because I know the police is right there right quick. I was walking and tended to looking straight, like I'm driving with my hands on and I was like, oh ship, bits drive off, bits drive off, and this bit drove off right. But then she came back. I'm like, what the fun? She's like, I can't get you. I was like, yeah, dumb man, she should have kept going. I should have kept going. So but the police was cool. He just

gave her a ticket. Oh he didn't do it, but no he did not. But she had her big old titties out, and I think he was like focused on them titties. So shout out to the titties, man, titties be saving yes from jail. Almost got it in Charlotte one time. Girl driving and as soon as the call told me, I was like, sir, I was trying to take my shoes off. But I was so drunk. He was like, so you wouldn't mind taking breathalyzing. My ship was right under the limit because what if what if

I said no? Like, maybe he would take me to jail. I didn't know what the fund to do and I was drunk. Right, we gotta stop doing that. We were here, We talked back. We do not promote drinking and driving. Okay, guys, uber, listen, I drive, list man, just me up. I'll take you safely where you need to go. Very well, Hey, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to get a list. I'm not doing that ship no more. Me and I always going it ain't always going in like that when

y'all made it through, nigger made it. I don't do it. We're cool, don't do it. I'm not going to. I can't listen. All right, So we have very special guests on We talked Back today. Listen, we have a Dalon Lane. A lot of people have been asking about Dalon Lane. He was a guest on our very our second episode. Um, no church in a while, No church in a while, A long time ago, right, So he's back and he has this beautiful life in him. No church in a while.

If you guys, didn't listen at the time, no Church in the wild. We talked to Dylan about his open marriage. Hold on, wait, what do you say her name? Oh? Sorry? Sorry ha ha. You know what Haley Lane sounds like. You'd be like on the Suicide Squad, don't you know? We call her Haleien because she's an alien. She's from out of this world, that's what that's what we call her.

They don't make them like. I'm a very her point of view on this topic because she's lived obviously my side, but bringing her side in so that I can kind of get my justification where it's like everybody like people think that it's like, oh, you try to manipulate your wife or your girlfriend and fiance into one in this open relationship. It's like, well, how about we let her speak, let her speak, get her side of it. Because listen,

Dylan spoke very highly of his wife. Everybody loved that too. Yeah. I just listened to the last episode before this so that I can get it fresh in my brain. It's he's so good with the words, he's so sweet and does speak very highly embarrassing. Well, there's reasons if there was a really like listen, straight shooter, Like, if my wife was trash, she wouldn't be my wife because I'd be like, yo, you're trash, and I would leave, like,

because that's how this ship works. Like and if and if I'm trash, it's her job to see the truth of what I am as not being up to par and then leave my mass. So when I speak of her, I speak truthfully and hopefully she's doing the same, and I think she is. Obviously we do have her flaws, but we accept those flaws. That's the that's the key is to actually be like, Okay, yo, I'm a person, you're a person. What are our flaws? These are my flaws,

here's my strengths. Now let's do something about this and work with this and then grow grow together on this by helping each other with each other's flaws and then also like continuing to nourish and water our strength so that we can actually grow as people. And this is part of that. This has been part of that, Like, this has been a major part of it because Rome was growing past it, because we've gone through it for so long, like we haven't even been exploring it because yo, yeah,

this will be interesting. It will almost take me kind of back because I really haven't been delving into that world lust, so this will be a refresher, right, And I think that's the misconception A lot of people have what open relationships, And what I told Dylan on that episode was to me, an open relationship is just open

lines of communication. Like I want to always be able to be myself with whoever I'm with and whatever whatever you know, however I am, I want to I don't want to have to tweak myself at all for anybody. And because I don't require that, yeah, I only require have been a time of just self discovery, figuring out what I want to do with my life, who I am, what excites me, what I'm passionate about, and having a partner that accepts me for who I am and we'll

go along that ride with me. That's really what I've been wanting and I have in him, and I know that we've been able to explore even the tough things, even like you know other people. So so if we can do that, we can do anything. Yes, you have to literally remove your ego from your relationship in order to let your partner. We're acting the parts to dissolve our egos anyway. So what happened was this was like a natural result of it because are like we literally me,

I will say me. I had built an identity around this open relationship as part of my ego, and like, once you actively like I know that, Tammy. We talked a little bit about like spiritual practices and stuff like that. When you actually start to do that stuff in practice, it reveals to you where you're trapped in your ego. And one of my biggest ego t apps was building an identity around an open relationship. It was literally it

was letting my ego survived. It was like I need to be able to go and funk other people because like if I don't, I lose my identity. But then you actually start to dissolve that and try to dissolve it, and now you're like, WHOA, A major part of my identity is the fact that I want to go and be separate from my wife and funk other people. What kind of suffering is this creating for my ego? And what kind of suffering is it creating for her? But also her willingness to accept that and be like, yo,

it's cool, work through your problems. We're going to get out on the other side of this safely and together, and you won't have to do that stuff. And then if we still do it together and explore it and have fun every now and then, whatever. But my whole identity isn't built around it. So I was preserving my ego and I wasn't. My lust was never really my thing. But I dated somebody from senior year of high school and then all through college, so I was in a

serious relationship with somebody for five years. And college for me was a huge time of like waking up to new ideas, meeting people that were different than me because I came from a small town and then I was suddenly somewhere where people were doing all kinds of different things,

so I wanted to explore. I felt like I didn't get a chance to explore that side of myself before meeting Dylan, So once we did meet, I was still in that space of life, I want to look up with people and have fun and like go on dates and just like do whatever I want. And he was more coming from a place of like, I'm not ready allowed. I'm not ready to let go of this identity yet, and I still want to explore this. So we were

coming at it from different angles. But but I feel like I kind of got a lot of out of the system. I've I've already explored when I need to explore. I'm still open to whatever might come to me in the future, but I'm no longer actively trying to make that happen. Tell tell them how the paper that you in college before you ever met me, yes soted you manifested him. I think it was my junior of college. I was in a research writing class and our teacher

was really cool. She was like this old, like hippie, really chill, fun lady, and she would start our classes by giving us a topic and we would write write about it for a minute, and then we go around the room and share what we wrote. And so the topic one day was cheating, so we all took a minute, we wrote about how we felt about cheating, and then we went around the room and shared. And I remember my my take on it was like, you know, there's porn and strip clubs, Why do you need to actually

stick your dick in something? Why can't you just go watch this and then do it yourself? Like I don't. I didn't really understand like, why do you have to go physically made it happen. But as we went around the room, people were sharing that either they were in an relationship or they knew somebody in an open relationship, and I was just like my mind was blown, and

I was like, what is this? So we had to write a research paper on cheating and I ended up researching open relationships and I read all about different people's experiences with open relationships and I was like what. Meanwhile, I'm still with this guy that I was with for five years through college and he would have not been open to this idea at all. So I researched this.

By the time I got to the end of the paper, yeah, this like makes a lot of sense that people should totally do this and try it out, because I don't know, it seems to be working for people. But but I swallowed that I held that broke up with him, and then I was like, all right, now I'm ready to Like early in our relationship and we first met was like like really early, like within a month, I was like, wow, we could like tire together, Like, but how do how

do we get to that stage? I don't know? And in the meantime, like, there's no way I'm only having sex with one person, because I'm literally read that I was. I wanted to, I want to, and she had the background you wanted. I didn't have wanted. I think I was. I was the third day. I had like a one night stand the night and was ready ready. He was ready. Damn it, he was ready right before. But wait, did you break up with him so that you couldn't there

a problem? When she wrote the paper, it was I knew I was growing beyond where he was, and it was only a matter of time before I was going to I need to go my own way. And you know, he like didn't have his driver's license, he had never had a job, he had graduated college two years before me, and was living at home with his mom. Never was taking any initiative to do any of these things. So I was just kind of over all of that and I wanted to. That was assignment a little home and hers.

You can't lie about it, you know, yes, exactly for it. Yeah, Yeah, we we've got that man like what like three hours. If we hadn't gone out price, it would have probably taken like twenty seconds. I'm not that seconds. Hey, we were both Like I was in a new city. I was like I was standing around like I didn't know what to do. And everybody that I met in person in the little city that I moved to, like they were all they were already like wiped up. And I'm

like seeing all these hot chicks and I'm alone. And then my buddy, Yo, I'm dead serious. I was literally making e Harmony account swear to sucking it up. And my buddy's like, Yo, why don't you do Tinder? And I was like the fun is Tinder? Did tend? I was like, oh my god, this is this is insane. There's a roster here, this is a roster. I was like, this is they literally make curate the roster for you.

And it's like, Yo, this is crazy. So I started dating people and then when we had hung out, I was like I was dating like two people like actively. The one wouldn't hook up at me unless we were like boyfriend girlfriend. And I remember straight up being like, Yo, this girl she doesn't want to she won't hook up with me, like unless I'm her boyfriend. And I was basically like, yo, I still want to hang out with you, though, but I want to hook up with her, and how

do you like. At first, I was like okay, you know, like I just want to hook up, so that won't me. But then I went home and I talked to my brother about it, and I was like this dude like wants to ask someone to be his girlfriend, but still fuck me, Like what should I do? He was like, you sound like a shitty person. I was that shitty person. I'm sorry here, I'm not wanting anything. And then I got that pussy and I was like, not worth it.

I swear to god. She was hot as fun. But then when I went out, I mean we could get into the details of it, but when I went down on that thing, I was like, all right, it was over set of god. Swear of God. And I was like this ain't it. And then like literally I've never come out with her again. This was taking place over time, so like, as I kept hanging out with her and I was hanging out with the other girl, and then I ended up actually hooking up with this girl before

we were boyfriend girlfriend. I was like, wait, I'm trying to do all this stuff with these girls, and it's like, but here's this woman right here that's like she's she's actually accepting all of this, like whoa, Like, wait, maybe we're actually building an actual relationship here. And then we just kept being more and more open, Like the first night we were talking about politics and religion and I

was super atheist at the time. My dad was crazy and weird, and I told all these crazy stories about my dad, and we were just very forthcoming, and so this natural relationship developed. And then it was like, wait, yeah, neither of us had expectations, very honest, like there was nothing. There was no reason not to be because and I

wasn't like that those other girls. I was putting the mask on where I was like, oh, I want you to like me, so I can smash, we can hang out, and so like I can have a companion in a new city. Meanwhile I have the fucking like literally the goat of all women, of all women, of all women, another woman. And then and I'm like wow. But then it's like my ego was still so identified with sex.

But it's like we just had this connection that transcended sex that we knew was gonna we had to let play out, but we didn't know it at the time how it was going to play out, but we trusted We trusted each other based on the relationship that we had built, and then we trusted the fact that maybe we could go beyond that at some point. We didn't know that at the time, but like as we started to yeah, we were just letting it unfolded. It really wasn't any pressure of like where is this going? What

are we gonna do? It was just like we're enjoying our time, We're enjoying each other. We can be open and honest, like let's just keep chuck it all. Yeah, sounds like a great start. This is what always people are like, wait, especially like talking to people on like Tinder and Bumble, and then like all the dates that ended up going on, it's like how, why, what when?

And it was like, well, really the most important thing was the fact that at the beginning, and this is what I incur I probably said on the last time, but it's like at the beginning, when you are single and you are dating, be as open and honest and forward with everything and then let the person react and if they react poorly, fuck them. You're single and dating, Like fuck them, you just told them your truth that they're negatively respond whatever. A lot of time meant especially

because I mean, women don't know. I think we've learned to like not tell it youth sometime because men can't handle it. To me, men the ego can't handle your truth, right, So men, oftentimes you really don't meant you meet his representative. And then once you give the now you're meeting the real me. If people would just be honest day one, and you give people the opportunity to put you know,

don't put my life in your hands. Give me the opportunity to decide what to enjoy period in the open relationship is that people that I have met, I've been very upfront about, like, hey, I have a husband and this is what we do, and we're open in this way. And by being so honest about that, it's like they have no reason to be dishonest to me because they already know, like I'm down and I have a relationship, Like there's nothing that I'm looking for from you other

than yourself. So I really I feel like I've met very authentic versions of people that way. And age it's your point, You're like you didn't want to talk, are you? It's hard to be forthcoming with men because you're literally meeting their representative and that's why I like everything that I just said, I feel like applies more to the man, because the man is like the will and the woman

is the way. And it's like you want to marry the will in the way, so the will, like I'm out looking like as a man in the dating pool, it's like my will. I have to manifest like the best version of a man, a male's will, and then the way will open up. So it's not up necessarily to you to bring forth the the truth because like what you said, you have to kind of be apprehensive

with men because you're meeting their representative. It's like on the man to just go into the into the dating pool and be like this is who I am as a man, and like you can be the way to my will or you can like leave it. But like if men come in with this weak ass, lying ass will yet, but that's what you like, you're not gonna get. You're not going to get the queen. You can't get the queen. I'm not acting like the king, but sometimes

I don't even want to. I just want the queen. Listen, look at it, look at my collectionously it's like for me and it's not even quality pussy. It's just a bunch of I was listening to the last episode and he was saying like he would just swipe right, swepe right, like one after the other, one after the other. And I'm like, if you don't have a nice face, if you don't look like a genuine person, if you don't have a buy some type of criteria tells me anything

about you, I'm swiping left. I don't. I don't. I'm not trying to sleep with random Like, yeah, I'm attracted to who has a decent personality and who looks like a genuine person. So that's like really narrow. See, that's what most men would call cheating. So men would call that cheating because of the way women go about their selection. So it's not like we're gonna have these a bunch of random men, quality men, quality women. I don't want him to go shack up with some random in the street.

Like and I noticed that when I when I come on and the thing is like this is the thing I've done that, And then like what it does is like first of all, even after like you get what you want, like you feel like ship and then like you also feel like you literally just gave yourself away to like the lowest bidder and like it literally makes you something, like you literally feel and it's like, yeah, because nobody else wanted those pussies. That was because they

would have already been scooped up. So if they're if they're like I'm it's like I'm looking for like the quickest pussy, but it's like the quickest pussy is like the least quality pussy. Hanging me. Just grab that love that you just said that, because yes, it really is. It's like, oh, let me take this apple right here, it's right in front of me. Whereas like, but it's so funny. It's so funny because like with her, I got it quick, which is so funny, like because it's

like it kind of contradicts itself. So when I said earlier it might have seconds, that was a lie. But we also hit it off very quickly, and it felt like I was also in the mindset of like, if this works out and goes there, I'm down. And it did and it felt natural and I was. I was there. But if you would have been to some loser, I would have went home. Hold on, dam let's stay some bills. Was it a time especially in the beginning where you feel like this ship ain't it and that this is

hurting and I don't like it. I'm thinking about like exiting. Have you ever felt like that? There were definitely moments throughout a relationship where I was like fuck, like yeah, that that made me jealous. I don't know if I like that when that happened, but it almost it always just led to conversation and we can meet. I'll come home on like a Friday night after working all week and I'm like, yo, look at this girl. She said she's down to fucking and she's just like, Yo, that

girl is really hot. Like you like, have you have to like you have to go, like you have to go. You might be a hale because I'd be like that bitch looked like she got hurt. Stay that's okay, but all right, So to go off of the exit thing.

I remember there was a time in like two thousand sevo eighteen where I was like starting a business and I was like, I felt that there was a chance that there was going to be a lot of opportunities and I might be traveling and I was like listen, I'm like, yo, like, how do you actually feel because like I could literally be gone for like weekends and

I could be smashing people like are you sure? Like I remember specifically we're up in our bedroom and I'm like, yo, this literally could be like this, and she's just like it's cool. Shut the funk up, like stop projecting your insecurities on me, and like, yo, I'm here. Also the type of person that, like when we were in a long distance relationship, that was great. I like to have my space. I like to be oh, I like to

do my own thing. I'd like to have my space if I don't have a lone time, like I start to feel get out, get yours out here. She ended a football game yesterday. Can I just like I'm going to the room upstairs. I'm definitely like that. So I think this is like the perfect the perfect thing because then we're both able to be individuals but also accept each other, love each other, support each other through our challenges, and then keep being able to be individuals and come

back together. So I just know that his his main struggle is with lust, and he describes it as a struggle for him. For me, it was like it was an exciting opportunity, like like a discovery time with my life. For him, it's more something thing that he wants. He knows he struggles wants to get over. So I'm here to support that. And I understand that that's something he

does want to go through and struggle through. And I'm and like this, I know it's a struggle because if I want to set it down, sometimes I can't, and it like overtakes me where it's like I literally just have to take action to do this thing. But it's like I know that it's not good to do it all the time. It's better to attract it than to seek it. Like I call it like the dog. It's like, if somebody wants to invite my dog out, that's better than me just running around as the dog trying to

get people to do what I want. I couldn't. I didn't have that patience to just like attract attract. I wanted to go and will it into existence and make it happen. And what I've noticed is that it would take its way attention from other things. It would drain my energy. It would drain my energy for her for finance ship like I'd be spending money on dates just to get some fucking pussy it's like this is a strong This isn't this isn't like fun like it was.

It was the whole thing. Well yeah that's true, that's true, but it was like it was any wet hole. But it's like the reason it's it's like she sees that she's she knows that it's not like something where I'm like trying to take advantage or she knows that I'm like, ye,

literally struggling here. Yeah, it's not anything personal, but it's it's gotten better, Like it's it's like and it's because of like our communication through these struggles and like having her come home late when I didn't, when my date blew me off for our or her date she doesn't want to go or whatever, and then I go out and come home late, and then she's distant and like we just feel the attention, and it's like this is like genuinely something that's not easy, and like we have

to grow through. We have to communicate about it, we have to express our feelings, we have to share, we have to communicate, we have to share. It hurts talk about anyway, and then all of a sudden, like starts to fall away and you start to have a really good foundation that you built through, like I call it growing through your ship. That's depleting energy. That would be my only problem in an open relationship because I would

be down for there. All of that ship sounds really good honestly, except for you spending your money on this a bit. It would have to be exactly pussy. It would have to be that always did that. That always has been a thing that I'm like because I feel like he's very conscious of his finances, very conscious of his spending, so like we'll go out and we only

want to spend this much. But then like, but last weekend, you just bought this girl that you don't even know, like six drinks to say that this is this is an this is direct experience I had. I remember taking a girl out. Meanwhile she's out at it was a nice ass place with the dude buying the whole thing. So I'm like, yo, she's getting hurt. He's like, he's got my back. He's buying all her food, all her drinks, wining and dining her. Mean while I could go and

do this. So I'm like, all right, that ship cancels out. That's true. Maybe that's not exactly I don't feel that the only place you can take that buses Chick fil A on Sunday. No place. I don't want to expect anyone to buy me a drink either, Like I always offered to buy my own drinks. I mean they usually will buy it anyways, but I don't know, I feel, I don't know. I'm like, I don't want you to think that you're buying. Yeah, I'll buy my own drinks. If I like you that I'll come home with you.

I like when hey, I need I need something a packard. I mean they always, but there has been plenty of girls and women. There's been plenty of women that buy me drinks and buy me food and have done that, and like I've that ship was always like hell yeah, hell yeah, you can buy your own drink, thank you. I'll have to take the ship out of my budget. Ladies. You know we talked back, do not promote buying drinks,

and this is not part of our mission. It's actually the exact office because if I pay for something, that's only because I don't want you to expect nothing afterwards. Them always setting though, I don't want there to be any expectations, Like you know that I'm in an open relationship, but that is not This is not like a free pass, Like just because I'm out with you doesn't mean you get to get in my parents. And I think that

that's something that happened. Has happened a lot where I'll be open and talking about the fact that I'm in an open relationship and people think that that's an invitation, Like no, like just just sharing something about my life, This is not an invitation. The thought process for me, if we're in open relationship, what else we gonna do but fun? Like that's how I would see, Like I'm

not trying to build nothing with you. So if we're getting together, fucking or not, so then there's that there's my thing, because that's what I was saying earlier, like isn't to me. It's not always about sex with somebody else. It could be like about access to different things that

the person you would never have access to. You know, I have realized for me, I don't get much out of having sex with a stranger like there's I did for a little while it was a discovery exactly fun like I was in that phase of my life, but now I'm just like you learned somebody else that was your pussy, Like that's how I feel. Yeah, yeah, you said that on the last Like I'm more interested in being able to go sit at a bar after work and have a conversation with a man and not feel

guilty like I'm doing. I just want to be able to connect with people. And if that connection takes me two sex, cool, Like I'm open to that, But that's not That's where I'm at to be open to connecting. That's where I'm at with open relationships because like I said on that episode, like how do you go through And I've said this plenty of times now, Like you can't really go through life without connecting with somebody of

the opposite sex. And you can be in a relationship with somebody who's limiting you from these from these connections because of their ego. You know, you may allow them to explore and do whatever it is that they want to do. Because I think a lot of times, um in the beginning of relationships and even if you're not in a relationship, you're a man and a woman haven't

even talked about being in a relationship. Men automatically think pushy is on reserve for them, Like so you just I assume that people are sucking somebody when you meet them. I don't just assume. I just don't assume. I just exactly just sitting here waiting for you to ride on on a fucking horse. Mitll have all these things going on, and they want every woman, every woman to be like

committed to them all while they're fucking everybody. If you even experienced that, I'm married, and I've even experienced that from people that I've hooked up with once that are like, why don't you want to hang out with me more? Why can't you be more available? I'm like, exactly, and I'm still in a yeah because to me, like yeah,

that's just like all right. On our last episode Tahoe, he was a guest on he said his the woman he was seeing was married, and she said that her husband came in her and he made her go to um CBS to take a plan B, like how dare you let your He didn't make her. I'm pretty sure she agreed with that ship he didn't like he said in the story, he put the plan be in her

mouth with the water that's come in. But you can't do that, yo, And I know this, I know this from experience with my friends and with people that are not my friends and just men in general, is like they really are, like, Yo, my girl could never touch another man, but like you best believe I'm cheating whenever the funk I want. And it's like, yo, you are. And I'm the one that said, listen, whatever whatever we

decide in this relationship, I'm down for. You can't just think you're going to be doing this and I'm not. This is not because and a lot of men's mind like women don't operate that way like we're above that or we're on this pedestal, but we're sexual beings too. So yeah, I come home you every night. I'm faithful to you. But why would you think that never in

life another man is going to never cross my mind? Like, why would you think that Some days you get on my fucking nerves, especially and I know somebody that won't it on my nerves? And setime, if you're out here getting all this sad pussy, and I know you are, yes, yes, well, And my thing is too, like where I am with the open relationship is I'm not out there actively seeking it. If Dylan wants to go out and actively seek it. I'm that's fine. I don't that's fine with me, but

I'm not doing that. But I want the opportunity that if randomly on a Wednesday afternoon, some dude and I catch eyes across across the big and he wants to fun like Larry looking at the yeah, and you're like, oh, like, and that's fine, like you you should be able to do that. But I feel like it doesn't have to be. I feel like there was a time where I kind of felt like we had to have an even playing field,

like what you want on a date last week? So I need to figure out someone I can go on a date with this week so that you know, we're even. But if I were trying to keep up with that, I would have been waiting. I you know, And it's just not It doesn't fulfill me. It doesn't fulfill this need that I have inside, like I I just don't

feel this pull towards it anymore. And earlier we were talking about like, you know, men fulfilling other roles, and it's like, well, also women fulfilling other roles for me, especially related to like the information that I was like listening to in books and podcasts and stuff. Like I wanted other people to talk about It's like I'm my friend group Dave heard me talk about this ship. They're over it. She's heard me talk about the ship all

the time. Now I meet this girl, she's not only physically attracted to me, but she's open to listening to my ideas and their new ideas for her. I can literally watch her like receive the information like nobody's ever told me that. Nobody's ever said that, Wow, where did you get the information from? And that made me feel good too. That was not sexual. That ship was just like an exchange of energy. What I started to realize

was like that was always the most meaningful thing. Yes, it was always the most Like I had this girl that I dated. What I mean she literally was like oh, it was almost like the most of a girlfriend. But like I saw her like twelve to fifteen times at least, and we were like hitting it off like she was a LEO two. She was open to everything that I was saying, Like we we hit it off in all aspects. But then it started to be like yo, she started texting me like a girlfriend and like we were talking

to each other like it was more than that. But it was like we had built a relationship because she listened to me and heard me. And then I was like, Okay, we gotta step back from this. Like she actually took the initiative to step back from it. She's like, I can't be with anybody that goes home to another woman, and I was like, that's that's fair. Like, but like what I got from it that wasn't sexual was so important.

But it's like I realized I could get that from not just women, but men and everybody talking about this is the this what we're doing right here was always the best part of it. So like, yeah, we like hang out, eat, drink, get fucking, and then we'd started having these deep conversations and like that's for the most meeting would come from. And I'm like, wow, why can't I just meet people and not need to just suck them and just talk to them? And like that's why

men in that way. Men think women are liking that way, like as if we cannot hang with the opposite sex and not want to have sex with them, like men want to every woman they come in contact with a lot of times. But I can have a male friend that I've never had sex with and I want to be able to talk to that person. Yeah. Sometimes I try to have a friendship with a man and it'll be cool and I'll be calling him bro and they'd be sisters. He'll call me sis, And then all of

a sudden, I feel a hand on my thigh. I'm like, what the fuck? Where did this friendship? Yeah? Do have? But you do have male friends that that would never happen with, right right exactly, even even like do have that sex with but you realize, hey, we're good, we're better off as friends, Like yeah, yeah, I feel like I've maintained a lot of like I wouldn't say friendships online relationship like you know, I'm checking in with people

occasionally or like commenting on their story on Instagram. I'm making like in a monogamous relationship, they'll consider that cheating. My word was fraternizing, which I don't even want to call it fraternizing because it's just me communicating with another human being, like what the fuck, Like, hey, I resonate with this thing, yeah that you posted? But then the really in a relationship where somebody's looking at that, it's just all sexual to them. Everything about it is sexual,

like and that's a projection. That's an ego projection because that's what they would do in that situation. That's what I've learned. They're like they're projecting. Yeah, they're projecting what they would be doing in that situation onto you and assuming that you would act how they would act. That's why when men come at women like what are you doing talking to that guy? That's a that's a guaranteed indicator that they're talking about. Okay, hold that thought one second,

Let's pay some bills. So I have a question, like, do y'all have like boundaries that y'all sit, sexual boundaries, y'all sit like, hey, he can't ain't no anal, no anal bring people back to the house. No, no anal. Yeah we don't. I don't funk with the butt anyway. So sorry ladies that want to get but that's like neither of us are interested type of thing. Um, but yeah, no bringing people, no straight pussy in the house. Yeah, and I broke in that rule, and she's broken that rule.

We've gone through ways. We've changed the rules up a lot too. There's very few rules now. It's more just like, you know, wear protection, don't bring people into the house. Unless we're involved. Um, I definitely know that she has not always weren't protection, and I definitely know that I have not. Let's talk about that, because that would be my own problem with relationships, man, because I really do not like winning condoms. So I'm open to having a

non monogamous relationship. I'm open to having a monogamous relationship, but I just don't like condoms, like I don't like calling them. So I'll stick with one person. I'll just be where I'm at. See, I prefer always do know, like, don't bring that raw dick over here, because I'm gonna go crazy about it. Please put that condom on? What raw? I started acting like a nut? I would love it too, if you know I hit that crazy button in the back of the pussy. Yeah, and you're all right, we

getting married? Where are you at? Where are you at looking for him at night with a flashlight? Right? I trust our judgment. I don't know. I'm not like if I found out like, oh my god, you didn't wear a condom, I wouldn't be like over, We're done. This is terror. It's more just like giving us kind of guidelines so that we're not running around like animals. Yeah, I'm not if if something happened then you brought somebody back home, that would probably be the point that would

bother me the most. We just had to do it together. If we do that, like and we've done that. We did that one time and it was like, yeah, I don't want that's my spot. I could be on my he could be on my huckey dick. But to y when you put it like that, though, it's so funny. It's it's hilarious, it's serious, it's hilarious, but it's it's been it's been changed so many times because it just realized some of them. It's just like this doesn't even make sense. You can't really limit this one thing in

this one area. You just have to trust each other. And like I definitely have moved into like I mean, like I've said earlier, like we're not really exploring it, but it's like I'm trying to sacrifice like low hanging fruit and like just not like the other day, like I met this random ass woman on the street with dogs and like we ended up like hanging out. She bought me a fucking uh like a clean juice. I was watching her dog, so she could go get a

clean juice. We end up like hanging out, go back to her pool, and the whole time, my dog is like she's gonna suck your dick, and I didn't. Yeah, dead ass serious. That's where a guy was so fucking annoying. But then I didn't and she and it felt so good to like not want that because like I genuinely connected with the person. We both needed organic human communication. She bought me a goddamn clean too at her apartment on the South End. It was nice as fuck exactly,

and like she had too cool ass dogs. I was like, she was yo. She let me talk about like what I was talking about earlier, like all the information that I've been consuming. She was years for the information. So I got that exchange of energy with another person, didn't needed to sexualize it. And when I left, I literally felt so much gratitude and love and abundance and joy. I was literally Meanwhile, if it was me, if I bought you a clean juice, you owe me some dick

before you go. I didn't get that clean juice for nothing, Like, yeah, bitch, I bought that clean juice. Not get this, Like why

you being aware to me? Yeah, exactly. Yo. That's the thing too, is like when I felt objectified by like in particular gay men, trans men, and older women, Like I've literally got to experience directly how I make women feel sometimes and it's uncomfortable, and it really it humbled me when I'm especially in lift, when I'm like one on one with the person and then they're like objectifying me and I'm not attracted to them, or they're like

just being weird. I'm like, damn, I'm like, I really do this ship to people, Like I've really made people feel uncomfortable just trying to like sexualize them and objectify them. Here I am getting sexualized and objective. It's like, man, you just very humble, look over some weird as hell, no little face Like men don't realize how creepy they be. And it's just because you like me doesn't mean I like you. I had a lift driver the other night take a wrong turn on purpose somehow you I'm about

to take you with me. No, I said, sir, I have a gun right here in my hand. I would have told him ship. He would have got shot in the back. That's right there. That's what I'm talking about, Okay, okay. I'm just like I will pop your in his car. Yeah, well that's the thing, is like, and that's like, well that's that's what my mom said because she knows I'm in a relationship and her first thing was be safe, like there's freaks out there. Don't get yourself into any

bad situation. So that's always been like I really let these people out before I go and go on a date with them. I'm not I don't know. I trust that he has because he's a man, so he can he can. I'm not. I'm I'm not afraid of the person. It's like, not what I am afraid is that if I go to somebody's house, I don't know what their man situation might look like where they got these crazy as men. And that's another reason where it's like why

am I doing this? Like I'm in this person's house, Like I don't know what their roommates are, Like I don't know what their man situation is, Like I don't know their dad might show up. I don't know if he's paying a bill, Like I don't want to, Like it's just you invite in weird situations, whereas like if you just like attract it. It will come to you. It will come to you less often, but maybe that's

the opportunity. Yeah, it will be somebody that's better aligned with you anyway, if you attract it versus like going what happened to try and get it? Like it happened in Lake Left the other day, Like I was talking to this girl and she was talking about how she was writing a book about her fifty Worst fifty First Dates, about her online dating experience, and she was talking about some of the experiences we had been hitting it off, like and um she uh. She was telling me that

she's a hoe, you know what I mean. And I was like, well, it's funny that because I'm a hoe, and then like yeah, and then she yeah, and she

was like all right about like she's talking. Then she started talking about dinner, and then I literally was like else you could eat before dinner and she just no. She didn't say no, and she wasn't mad and she could mean it was cool, but it was like because I'm not going to seek it, like I'll take a stretch on his situation to try and make something happen, and like divine intervention just keeps being like embarrassing, right,

now a snack. Yeah, but the thing is yo. But she might have been like, yes, let me tell you women women. So this is somebody we know to tam just this week or last week. The day's Monday. But this guy she gave her a number two, was straightforward with her and basically told her like, listen, I'm not into conventional dating. I just I want to funk. I want to suck you like I finally attractive. I want to suck you. She was like, should I feel offended

by that? Like? I feel offendsed? Should I feel like something way about that? I'm like, yeah, because we want men to be straightforward and tell us what they want. But what's something finesse please like? Because now like, no, I don't want to suck you just because you asked if you want to just took that took me conversation and so they talked about doing drinks. But in his mind, like I appreciate that, but I also want to suck I don't like I appreciate honestly, don't trying to waste

her time. Just I don't want but but I'm not gonna suck you. But you know I'm not. But I at least know that that's what this is. So I can move on, you know I can, But how do you But how do you feel as a woman where a man just coming about me made you feel like you could just say I want to fuck you. It

wasn't about you. The act too true that but also like with the situation here, like we have built a report and like when she started saying that she's a home and she had all these bad dates, and I'm like, damn, I'm an open aerage, like this is my chance to like you probably in the yeah, I'll give you a in a book like you know, like I'm like, I'm like this ship is alive. And she was like no,

right in the right leg. Oh my god. But like it's just the writing is on the wall that like I really have to like keep curbing this and keep getting better at like controlling the dog and like let the dog be invited out when the girl wants and women like to choose, like we like you don't want the time you you get what you want when you choose, Like when a guy wants me, it's like but if I want you and I pursue you, like it is better for me because I get exactly what I want.

Even when I've been like on tender, anytime the conversations turn sexual, I'm like a right bye, I'm out. This is not like even though I'm in an open relationship, I understand that that implies that I want to have sex, but like that's not all. That's not the only thing on my brain and at just the beck yeah, and I feel like that's when yeah, and that's when men especially, that's when you reach your highest self. When you can turn down a bunch of straight pussy, When you can

turn down pussy, Like, imagine what else you can accomplish? Yes, yo, Because it's literally sexual transmutation. You use that enter g that comes in from the lower parts of your yourself and you transmute it into action, into love, into better, better speech because you're making more money type, because you literally instead of waking that energy out, you're literally holding it.

There's like a big thing. It's like seminal retention. You just don't let your semen out and then you have the energy and you can use it for other things and it's like you can advance so many and then you get the better woman. Honestly, Like this is so therapeutic too, and I think I think it helps people. Glad that Hailey got to talk about it, because a lot of this is all my choice. I actually have enjoyed my sure and I'm sure about it, my girl. Okay, Okay,

so good, I do. I do. I want to keep it open forever because I want to be open to whatever life throws at us, however long life continues. So that's beautiful. Yeah, very beautiful. I wish I'm with ego. I gotta work on my ego. That's okay, that's and you'll chip away at that, and like that will be something that naturally happens anyway, Like it's an inevitable process. So like if you're still living through the ego, mostly

just let it be and enjoy yourself too. But then like also like you can see how it makes you suffer and then just see how you like see the cause and effect of like how you're acting versus like the effects of the action. And it's like that's what really changed it for me, was like I was like, man, all the suffering in my life is like self generated, Like it's all my own choices and I'm literally causing it.

I'm watching the effects. I don't like the effects, but yet I'm the one that's taking the actions that cause them. And I'm like, damn, this is humbling. So I when you were talking earlier, you said, yeah, some my realtory ahead a crush on her for five years, and I was thinking to myself, Damn, Hayley is good because I would have double back. I got it, Yeah, I got I got embarrassed. I was you know, I wanted that forever. She's very much like in the church, like she is

not unavailable. Hailey was basically like, yo, shoot your shot. Yeah that she was like, bring her back. But she's like, good luck. And I was like, I know, I'm fighting out hill battle. But if this makes it to you, offer stands right. But if it does, all right? All right on that note, Oh my god, that's a nice outro. Alright, listen, we enjoyed. We I've always right. I love talking to you, Dylan, you love love you, Haley. Thank you very much. We're glad.

I'm very grateful for this because it's really just even downloading the riverside makes us now want to take action to continue to talk about what we get got going on, and it's like we'll get to all that, but we want to pu anything right quick, honestly, not right now. Like we just we're continuing to work on ourselves and like we're we're clearing out the obstacles to be able to do more of this. Yeah, and we're like getting ahead. We're like way ahead of where we ever thought we

could be at this age. So we're like we don't need to we're not trying to rush it. But this is like great little foundations that we're laying that like build the they laid the bricks for the house that we want to build, and it's like everything's free, everything's cool right now, and it's like that's where we want to be. We just want to be. We want to be invited. That's what we want. And when people invite us, we're gonna say yes, but we're not going to go

force it. We're not going to go force it. Yeah, thank you so much, thank you. Alright, guys, alight, and we really gotta get this wrapped up. I can stop it, so listen. So if you enjoyed this episode, please tune in every Thursday on an I Heart radio app or whereever to fun you get your podcast at. Did your co host a J and I'm official Tam bam. Y'all following me all. I love y'all. Have a good one, all right, good day, thank you,