EP. 32 Are You a Narc? Feat therapist James Harris

run into their seats. They're not walking fast. These bitches is running and that's what made me scared. I'm like, okay, they're moving. Different babies crying. Some people was screaming out cuss words. It might have been me. I think it was me. She was so scary, y'all, I could now wait to touch that ground. I was praying. Was that as soon as y'all got out of the ground and started happening. No, this was in uh when we were landing in Charlotte. Oh, Shane, we just went through some

real big clouds. Um was it raining or anything? It wasn't raining, Shane. I'm glad, thank you. I'm so grateful to be here. Anyway, Thank you guys for tuning there for a new episode that we talked back. It's your girl a J It's Tim Bam y'all. I love y'all. I'm still alive. I love y'all even more this time, and then you gotta live a couple of times. In the last couple of weeks. I need to go to church for real. We have a guest today. Tell everybody who you are. Hey, So what's going on? Good people?

My name is James Hurst. I am located in Richmond, Virginia. I'm a therapist, I'm my father, I'm a veteran, I'm an entreprene nore and I founded a movement called Men to Hell, which focus on men's over a wellness, that mental health as well, it's that physical health. And I'm also the author of a book called Man, Just Express Yourself, which is the interactive Planner Guy for boys and men

and better express themselves. You can find that Amazon, Bonds and over Saget, Walmart, pretty much anywhere books and sold, including my website Men to Hell dot com, www. M E N T O h e A l dot com, that elevator pictures, Hell of fue gotta get it in there, got to get it in there. I'm gonna buy that book for all the minute. I know doesn't do that. It's interactive, like exercises, crying to me after they made listen,

So that that's pretty much the premise of it. It's um over sixty five different chop top topics in there, and a lot of wives been getting this book, a lot of partners being in this book and giving it to that significant other like that highlight, A couple of different chop give it to him, he do a couple of exercises, then a process over dinner or day night. So now it doesn't feel like a chore to him

or feel like he's you know, being signaled out. It feels like an enhancement for the relationship, which is beneficial. So I've been fortunate. UM And of course parents get it for the sons and stuff like that, but a lot of men get it as well to enhance what they are and then just you know, try to uncover different layers and take the ultimate step of seeking services, whether that's through a therapist or um, you know, trying

to navigate that journey. But it's it's definitely a lot of conversation starters, and there was talking about trauma, grief, abandonment, displacement, which a lot of people have that they don't know, um, ego, pride, just so many tough topics, you know, crying, uh, confidence, you know, just a lot of stuff that men talk about it in the bobby shops, so at the mechanic shop, but not in the company of other people who whether

they feel they'll be judged for the vulnerability. So it's been a good thing about it in the barbershop though, because I just I just have a thing that I don't don't think men really communicate with each other. So community, Yeah, communication is like it can be different, right, So communication to us is a two way screak. When I say us, I may either people on here, so you're talking about

to give other message, to receive other message. But sometimes we have to check and make sure that people are comprehending what the actual messages, you know. So that's the main point. And then on on certain aspects. Men display different things differently as far as that communication. So that display may be anger it maybe aggression, it may be silent treatment, it just may be ignoring it, maybe reckless behavior.

Being promiscuous or drinking substance use you know. So those things are him screaming out or communicating the way you know how. Um so those are some of the things too. Within session. Um, if I'm doing a session with the individual or couple, we break those things down. Mmmmm, I'm interesting. Yea, Yeah, any time when a man feels like comfortable enough to cry in front of me and make I've heard that

a lot from a lot of different women. So I'm single, so married because that one the ones that I've heard it from. They feel like Dave became that safe place for him to land. Yeah, exactly, Like, so let me cherish this moment that you're you're willing to be open and vulnerable with me. I know, for my lady, you know, I'm I'm expressive. I'm open, like if something not right, I'm letting her know. If something is right, I'm letting

her know too. I think oftentimes people feel like I only got to let you know when things are wrong, you know, but now you all that needs to be communicated. Something often to say is, uh, feel your feelings, and especially to the men, because oftentimes they only feel those negative ones right, Like I don't mind, like I know that I'm peace. I know that about myself, right, and I don't want to say that like I just I know I am I'm you know what I'm saying. I

can facilitate peace and I can maintain peace. Right. So I want a man on my man to be comfortable enough to tell me what's going on, tell me about your pass present future, whatever it is, though, but don't come to me as if I could be your therapist. I feel like a lot of men, like they do want to be vulnerable with the woman there with, but they think that that vulnerability means that they can place

all of this heavy load on this woman. Yes, and she's supposed because even your therapist has a therapist oftentimes. So now if your woman is working on any type of healing she has going on, and maybe she has seen a therapist, and then you come unload your childhood ship that's happened to you and kind of try to use it to justify what's going on now in a relationship.

How is a woman supposed to process? And um, make him, you know, not to dismiss what he's saying, but make him feel comfortable enough to continue to come to come to you with the ship. But how does that's a

slippery slow many I'm not a therapist, so yeah. And in many instances though, to be real with you, like especially in compass counseling, um, you you have to know whether regardless of which partner it is, like and some things transpired within your past or your childhood and things like that and you bring into their relationship now because oftentime it does that like unresolved trauma, complex trauma, unreserved grief, those things manifest itself into a lack of emotional maturity,

like within relationships, within your social relationships, within the workplace, but especially in your relationship. I definitely tell either partner, the wife or the husband or if they you know, an individual, you gotta take care of your emotional and your your physical safety first because if you are in a place to where you're taking all of this from

your partner, it can be damaging and draining. So you have to ensure that you're doing your self care or you're you're not only setting your boundary, but you're enforcing your boundary and letting them know like hey, I support you, I'm not going to enable you. I'm gonna try to help you the best that can, and sometimes helping you the best that can is falling back because I know

I'm gonna be drained. So let me refer you to X y Z or let me see you this website or this workbook or you know, go to this group. You know, so those things are here for as well. But I think in those instances the woman probably get fed up to and be like, yo, I'm I don't know to do. I don't have to tell you, and then it starts turning into a contanker, you know, it becomes contakerous. So now they're arguing, this is about in

my safe space. I can't come to you because you're not having me, you're nagging me, or you know, you're throwing it back up like my ex did or like

my mom did. So those things are the issue. But if if I think it's difficult because she or he probably wasn't taught how to you know, nurture somebody and take care of them in certain instances, there's so many women now who would saying, oh no, you saw if you're crying, you weak, you know, and that right there can be demonizing and can hurt him to come to her further or it can be her accepting him all those things and constantly draining herself, you know what I'm saying.

So it's definitely a slipper slope like town Bam said. But find that fine balance. Definitely make sure that you are well enough and equipping enough to handle those things or a system and getting the help that he needs. Right, that's the part for me, because you know, some things I feel like I don't need to know, Like if you're my man, Like, do I need to know that you're afraid of the dark? Tell your therapist because I

need to feel protected by you. You know, I don't want to know that you're scared of the dark because I don't know if that diminishing at the dark. Yeah, well you some of these niggas, you need to be scared of it at the dark for real. But no, I get you. You want certain information. You feel that it should be offloaded on somebody else and that it should be compartmentalized. You know what I mean. You want certain information, but you want to still feel that I

got safety. Yeah, safety and security. I'm gonna give a big one. You can't tell me that you were abused by a woman where you were younger, Right, and you never because I know a lot of men who have been abused by women. But like just say, for instance, a man telling you that he was abused by women when he were younger. Now we're having intimacy issues and I keep telling you, hey, you're not delivering on this, You're not doing this that at all? What's up? You

finally offload that onto me? Right, You've never seek the professional help and regarding it, And now I'm supposed to take that information and use it now to to to just be okay with why I'm having intimacy issues now in our relationship and we're gross. I'm like, at some point you gotta take self responsibility and you gotta go do the work, you know. Tammy allays be like, what's the work? Like, you know what is? You have to get past what that issue is, so so you don't

carry it on into relationships with other people. Yeah, and

they definitely manifest them. That says in relationships, especially those issues like that, because it's so common for a young man to have a sexual experience at an early age and him not know that those things are a traumatic experience or or experience that can impact him in different settings, and one of those settings being his relationship or being his within his parenting style, because now realistically he can revert back to like, oh man, I don't want my

young kids to do this because this happened to me. Like and that's why a lot of parents are guarded um of something that happened to them in the past, and or they're trying to shield them and prevent them from things, or of course the opposite, Like you said, it's just pretty much. Now I'm in this relationship, I

finally offloaded. For me, it's peaceful, but now my partner got to deal with it, you know, next to you and you scared it the dart Now both of y'all living is scared because listen, please close the bathroom doors. All doors got to be closed because I don't like looking down on dark goal. Yeah no, I like the door open. Door closed. Yes, door locked actually because if somebody coming to his house at least something to hear you suddenly with the door, I may had a pistol

by the time you get there. That's my thought process. I'm with you. Yeah, that's dopey. I feeling like I need to see people coming. But yeah, you made it easy for him to say, you like my house, you gotta navigate this big they're gonna find me. I got a nice size, you know house. So if it's dark, My my theory is, you know, like now you got to navigate, I'm gonna hear something you mump or whatever. And by that time, like you said, I already got the tool. So let's get it. Still chicken, y'all get

you will see our therapists gotta go grilling girl period. Okay, with even more now, So I mean, I feel like we can relate. And that's the and that's the whole premise of my therapist because me as a therapist, um and and that ironically, that's how I got into the field. Like when I was younger, I was again group home and therapy was like a poor experience because one that was mandatory then too. All the therapists was older white people. I'm just young kid from the projects, you know what

I'm saying. So it fell forced. It wasn't authentic. And now me as a therapist, I can be authentic. I can be myself. You see the jays behind me, the phones behind me. I'm relating to that young kid in the projects. You know what I mean, that young kid who always missed the herd. You dressed like my uncle, but you don't smell like we or this mom that comes and say, oh man, you're the first therapist. He

don't have fat therapists before you. And he's talking out, you know, like it's relatable because I looked like him. And then of course as a veteran, I did army um eight years to deployments when Iraq, when I afghanistand and I appreciate that, and a lot of veterans tend to only go to the group's opposed to the the individual therapy because those therapists don't have combat experience. So it's like, yo, we're in here, we're talking to somebody who's only process

of information from the book, you know. So the groups are more better because they got that shared experience that karadi we with somebody who've been through it. So for me, I touched on all those platforms by being authentically me, and it's been paying off. Of course, the older people, you know, the season therapists, they have something to say at conferences and stuff like that. But exactly exactly, so you know, I've been fortunate. Um, how my movement has grown,

how it how it's been accepted, you know. Um, But of course with everything changes, um, one of those things that people have to adapt to. Right before we move into the next segment, here's a ward from our sponsors. So look, we uh tam and I I'm pretty sure all y'all saw what was going on ambarose last weekend. We wanted to discuss the situation. We wanted to discuss the relationship. We wanted to just to discuss narcissism, you know, because she's basically calling her her last son's Day. I

don't know if they're married or not. Well I was reading some articles and they said that they referred to each other as husband and wife, but there's no proof that they are actually married. So then she her living pain. We wanted to talk about narcissism, but we wanted a professional on the show as at the same time, just so we can, um you know that professional input exactly. So that's where Mr Harris comes in. I just want to read what Amber wanted the tweets or actually was

on her Instagram story last week. She said, when you're in love with a narcissist, your brain tells you to turn and run. Your heart says, stay, unanswered questions, gas lighting, stonewall and deflecting, projecting. I wish it was easy to fix him, but that's not for me to do. The pain cuts so deep, especially when children are involved. I will always love him so much, but I know I

can't heal him. Only he can do that. I knew I had to set myself free publicly, or I would have stayed forever, never receiving the love I craving begged for it. Tough choice because it hurts so bad, but I chose me. I didn't want to have to do this all. I just wanted my family, my husband. She put that in all caps on this my husband. There's only so many times I can ask a man to just be transparent, on honest and love me wholeheartedly. I don't know if I'll get the happy ending I wanted,

but maybe I'll get the happy ending I deserve. Mother. So just one quick thing. It seems like Amber is using the public too basically hold her accountable going forward. So she said she put this out there basically because if if she hadn't done it publicly, she would have never leaved. So now she's making us responsible for her, she's sinking exactly because you know, the first thing, if she do go back to him, the first thing people gonna say, Oh, she's a dumb bitch, so dumb you

are really god. But I mean, I guess, but she don't really care. I don't believe that people really follow that, because you're gonna do what you want to do no matter what public opinions is, excially when it comes to matters of matters of the heart. Because he was already on he went live with some guys Big Vaughan and something from some radio station, and he basically said, she messaged him instead of he apologizes publicly she would take him back, and he basically told her like no, like

he don't want to keep hurting her. He loved his family, he loves her, but he also loves himself and he just loves women. So I guess loving himself is you know, I don't know, however, just say that in translation he still wants to have extras or whatever. He said he would be able to sustain for about six months, but then he would probably be back at it. That that's something that he asked the process that I mean that

that's his truth. But that's also some damage there. You know, that's some has taken place within his lifestyle to where he feels that that's acceptable. Um, and I'm not saying that's right or wrong, because there's so many different lifestyles that are acceptable. Some people feel they need multiple people. Some people feel that one person is solely enough for them to live there in ton of uh, you know, the rest of their life with, so it all depends

on them. The issue is he wrung her in thinking that it was just gonna beat them too, you know. So the lack of communication, on the lack of understanding, that lack of agreement hinder that process. And now that's why it's a public disagreement because he maybe he tried,

maybe he tried to be with just one person. Maybe he was like, I love her, I'm gonna try my best to be with Yeah, all of that we definitely can take in consideration all of that, But the issue is now we agree to just be or not were

in her man anyway? So either way, it wasn't clear because he very well can find somebody to say, oh, yeah, I'm cool with you having an additional part I'm cool with it has been a trio I'm cool, would have been, but it sounds like she is saying, it's supposed to be being you on the kids, you know, so turn into Carl Thomas when you love someone, you just man, that's not Carled Thomas. My bad Karl and don Hey. But either way, I think the topic here was narcissistic.

But I didn't hear like she didn't give a lot of examples of him being okay, so okay. I don't know if you're seen a video with him and these guys, she didn't give the examples, but he definitely displays narcissistic behaviors. He has no empathy whatsoever for what's going on right now. She's embarrassed u UM, and I mean we would have never known, right But the women that he's been cheating with, obviously it's some people that probably some public people he's

been been sleeping with. Um because she basically called him out first. So based on the interview, he are really not an interview. He just pulled up and did live with some guys after after she put the ship on Instagram, and just his attitude about it about it all, Yeah, he was giggling, he was, and these guys were getting

like it was funny and this woman is clearly hurting. Hmm. Yeah, so his lack of remorse, Um, for him, it's probably again like where he was was probably acceptable behavior to have those type of relationships or to be dogmatic and have those you know, situations to where he's sleeping with

them out to women. It's praised in some areas, you know what I'm saying, So it probably sounds like he was on on that being in that spotlight or being in that the vicinity of those people he would selling the story to further enabled his behavior to make him feel comfortable enough to not display that that certain remorse, you know. And for me it's like accountability, um, not not even on a celebrity standpoint, but just somebody in

the neighborhood. If I see a brother doing something that's unbecoming, I'm I'm letting them know, you know. Or if I see, yeah, men do that enough with each other when it comes I do, I think it's not. I think it's not displayed enough. But I definitely I can only speak for me and my circle and the people I engage with. I know accountability is big with the people I associated with.

Uh So if it is something like you know you're engaged, but you talking to somebody else, or you murdered and you're trying to do X y Z. Now we're checking you. We're letting you know um that that's inappropriate, you know, or we you know, we handle it within within us um and letting you know how it can be a different situation like what you're putting on the land. We're

just holding your accountable. We're letting you know the things that you can potentially rest and the people that you can potentially hurt, right I you know, I left a guy alone one time and I really liked him, but we went and met with his friend and his friend was telling the story about how he had to slap a bit. Really, this is what was the story he was taking saying right in front of me at the table, and I got really upset about the conversation. So I

got up and left. And then the guy was seeing came and he's like, why did you leave the table? I was like, I was very uncomfortable with that conversation. He was like, well, I was like, that's that's the type of people you hanging with. He was like, that's a grown man. What I'm supposed to be and and that's wow, bro, Like, how can you have your boys one be confortable enough? Like I don't have I don't

associate with nobody right now. That's comfortable enough telling me that he was comfortable enough touching a woman like that, or you know, even even if even I don't got nobody in my socker right now as a grown man, I'm thirty five years old and say, hey, man, I just got to fight, Like you know what I mean, if you wasn't defending yourself that alone, hitting the woman, you know what I'm saying, Like, what are we doing? Bro?

We thirty five, We got stopped to lose, We got families, we got careers, Like why are you are fighting in the streets, letting alone what you're talking about? Yeah, exactly so, so so I'm going to call me a uber. I was like, man, I'm getting the funk up out of your Get the guy friend, I guess he told him I was leaving because of the things he was saying. So the friend came to try to stop me, right

he was like, don't leave. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, but you gotta understand some of these women don't feel like you love them unless you beat them. Um, this is what this man said to me. He's like, it's a real thing, Like I love you talking about a trauma bond. If she don't, if I don't hear her, she gonna feel like I don't love her. And see, she probably experienced abuse when she was younger, you know,

so she does. It can be people who associate abuse with love who you know, have those things anonymous and equivalent depending on the type of attack when they grew up with all the type of parents and style they grew up with, so those things can be detrimental. So all the parents out there listening, make sure that you understand that how you're raising your kids and the attachment style and the parents and style that you're us and can affect them now as a as a child or adolescent,

but also as an adult. And if you aren't familiar with that. On my YouTube channel, I got both those videos parenting styles as well as um attachment styles, So check that out. YouTube is men to Hell. Yeah, I definitely have experienced, uh trauma bon not trauma the trauma bonds of course, but like where I feel like this man doesn't know I love him unless I'm yelling at him. So like, I'll be here all day long and you just keep doing ship to get me up, and then

when I start going crazy, then you get calm. It's like, what happened? Why are you want to exchange this ill ass energy like this? So but that that what we talked about earlier. Communication that to him, this communication was if I get her aroused at a certain point, she's displayed that she cared, you know, so, and that was the negative side opposed to just saying, hey babe, I did X Y Z or hey baby, let's talk about you know, his was let me take you off. Yeah,

he's exactly. But here's what's to tick you off? And now that you're ticked off. Oh yeah, she's showing me all attention. I need you know. I used to pick fights to have angry six. Yeah, that's not a common either. This ain't your therapy. I'm sorry, we're supposed to be talking about ever Rose hopefully what is happening. I'm not doing that anymore to do that. I'm glad you're grown. That's good. That's good. Grow. But okay, what are some trades of it? Because okay, if y'all on club I'm

a clubhouse all the time Instagram. Everybody swears a god that they were the narcissist or experience a narcissist. It's easy to go on because the traits that she listed, like the gas lighting and all that stuff, those are all easy traits of somebody trying to manipulate you. But there's a difference between someone having narcissistic traits and someone that could possibly be, yeah, clinically diagnosed as a narcissist.

So I think in reference, like within society, it's a couple of different ones that people use improperly, like anti social personality, like somebody to say, I'm antisocial, but now you're not anti socialists, like a real psychotic disorder. Um. But I guess they thinking like I don't like talking to people engaging in social STIs, so they use that but the same way I think she used, um, he was a narcissist, you know, within that term, just using

it loosely as as to what she understand it to be. Um. But realistically it's a mental disorder in which people have like inflated self uh entitlement within ourselves. Yeah, you know, they feel superior have little regard for other people feelings depending on what they are. They need that admiration, they need that praise. You know, it can be understanding by different unique characteristics. And and this is something that has taken place from childhood at aolescing hood to now adulthood

and especially within those relationships that we're talking about. So as a parent, you definitely can promote your child to be a narcissistic uh or getting narcissistic personality. You know, those things can be developed, and of course the trade can be picked up in many different aspects too. So some people have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. They expect others to cater to their needs and wants all the time, you know, like not only within relationships, but of course

in the in the work setting as well. You know, like you're not even a boss, and you acting like you the boss. You're trying to fill in. You're trying to get all this the people to glorify you, like chill, we get the same salary, you know, So it all all those type of things UM can affected. But I think also if I understand correctly what you read that she wrote was or that you said it was his lack of empathy, fulfilling the way for not feeling a

certain way based on how she's feeling. She's upset, she's with the kids. You know, he I guess validated her trust, it seems like. So those things are definitely characteristics um and of course a narcissist. A true narcissist is a person who wants to get you know, they display envy, they want to get revenge, or they feel that others

are all together them. So he could feel like, you know, I'm not even entertaining because she is using the public to make me out to be the bad guy, you know, So that can be another another reason why he felt like, I'm not even gonna display like vulnerability for the word. So let's rewind a little bit. So I'm always I'm a firm believer that we you are what you eat, Thus you are who you beat. So when you date somebody, you marry somebody, you kind of see yourself in them

a little bit. Is it possible that she's a narcissist because why would she publicly put that out there? Because I won't say that. He felt like somebody brought him out because he took ownership of what happened. But it's the giggling and the childish like you know, ship arounding it. So he acknowledged that he fucked up, right, and he acknowledged that he had been sucking up. And you know, she's been going through his stuff, found out he's in cheating.

But to try and control somebody in a way too, especially because you have such a large platform larger than his, to put that out publicly in that way, and that's what I'm saying, that could have been one his NBA is thinking like, oh, she's out to get me, or it could have been like you're saying, you know, she

can have that feature as well. But um, that's the difference between narcissistic personalities order narcissistic trait because a lot of people have the trait, you know, so certain criteria pulled here and there of those specific behaviors. And she

said for her mama too, because she's a narcissisition. She also used to date Kanye And that's the thing, like it's one So in many different settings, of course, people sitting behind the keyboard or or it glued to that phone, so it's hard to see if she's doing it for attention, or he's doing it for attention or is it something that they need to definitely process and uncover in the in the therapeutic setting, I feel like I'm learning a

lot about myself just talking about what's the difference between a narcissist. So listen, it can be some overlapping features, but a sociopath is pretty much, uh, somebody with anti personality disorder, Like they lack feelings of understanding, they break all the rules, they're making possive decisions. Um, they don't

feel guilty when they harm other people. You know. So's so many different characteristics of a sociopath for somebody with antisocial personality, like disrespect for norms to laws and rules and regulations. Um. And they also you know, they are lied, that deceive if you they don't care about nobody but themselves and getting on top um. They live in a moment as far as explaining aggression, you know, just being

disregard for authority and safety and stuff like that. They can be cold and and and shield themselves from actual reality. More of a narcissist. They want that attention, They want the admiration, that glorifying. You know, I'm not trying to push you away because I need you to continue to lift me up. That's more of a narcissist. The antisocial person or the social path They don't care, like I'm

gonna hurt your feelings. I want you to know that I ain't going to intentionally hurt you because I know you're not going nowhere. I know it's nothing you can do. I'm big a moment, tell that I'm big, you're a little. I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it. And now you're sending that question like you right, ain't gonna or you start to question yourself um and then you know, all of that comes back to your personal

self esteem, your personal journey that you have to develop. UM. So that's pretty much a difference though that the narcissistic person, they want you to uplift them, build them up, get them admiration. Just sociopath or the personal anti social behavior they don't care. They know they're gonna hurt you. They know that they're gonna deceive you, lie to you, like disregard for authority and laws and your norms, all that, No,

none of that matter to them. So let's say you discover that you are a narcissist, what what do you do? What kind of do the work? What kind of no? And then that's a good question. So it all depends on where you are, too, like depending on your age, depending on when you got diagnosed, um, depending on where you are, you know, because it's it's a few different methods that you can do. UM. You know, I guess

it all depends. So if you're a young person, you definitely you definitely want to ensure that your parents are giving you the proper support and care that you that you can possibly have. UM. But if you're older person, now pretty much is stuck in your ways. You've probably

been this way for a minute. So you probably still want the admiration whether you are let's say now in the workplace, because when you were younger, you was in all kinds of sports and everybody praised you for being a good athlete or a good cheerleader and stuff like that. So now in the workplace, you feel that you should get those same praises. UM. So now it's pretty much you gotta uncover those things. We gotta figure out where

to start, you know. So it all depends you got to maintain how to maintain personal relationships without offending people, without needing that admiration from people, without just you know, being in the room and being comfortable without somebody's give me your compliment on your shoe was or your hair or oh man, you donated so much money. You know

you don't need that. So pretty much taking you from UM, a certain level of being praise and admiration, like reducing those feelings, increasing your understanding and how to regulate your feelings. Like all of those things can be treatment within therapy. UM.

And of course it's it's potential medication out there as well. UM. But we have to understand or or assist you in making sure that you can obtain certain goals within the therapy process, like whether it's a go of um, you know, going to work this week and and not having your coworkers UM compliment you. You know, so those things are important.

I don't like when bitches compliment because I feel like, girl, I know I was cute if I left the house, Like, I don't need you every time I see you tell me, oh you look cute. First of all, cut is for kids, bitch, you know, I love all of that, I have toted, but then I like to celebrate. And that's the difference too.

That's part of it, because this narcissistic person is in the office and if you're not saying, oh man, Mike, that's a nice time, or da siel it, that's a dope dress, you know, they're they're gonna intentionally come around your earth like hey keep this tied, you know, or just so you can uplift them. Yeah. So, so those are some of the things we work with. Well, we'll assist you know, well, we'll put a number on it. We'll put a quantified number on it, so you can

reduce those behaviors. Hey, you you you normally want five different people to compliment you. If you only get two completed compliments, is we want you not to react in an upsetting manner. We don't want you to walk back Susie desks to make sure that she sees you or you know. So we do different things like that within within the different setting. Um so it all depends. Okay, So out of ten couples, how many of those couples would you say a narcissist exists out of ten? Like

somebody like you know, I don't even want to. I don't even want to get it. So I wouldn't say that. I would say, it's a lot of different sessions where somebody to google something or heard something the podcast or a club house on the way and now they and now my my degree in my case, studies don't mean nothing, you know what I'm saying, because they already got the answer. So I mean, I wouldn't put a number on, you know,

a certain couple of sessions out of time. But some of the things we're hearing there, or at least I hearing session is um at somebody on clubhouse at X y Z. So I'm personally not on clubhouse for those reasons because you can't get those people, you know what I'm saying, Like, and different states got different laws regarding ethics,

and you know, different jurisdictions. So I don't even want the red tape, Like, don't even tell me what somebody said on Earth because it might not even contain something that I'm even dealing with or too much information, but it doesn't mean it's the correct information. So it all depends. Yeah, So I would attend people five of them Martins, because you ask every woman right now, right now, ask a woman.

Because it was a narcissist, that's my favorite ship. To say, that's my favorite ship, so toxic, I would be a terrible therapist. I could imagine me telling like my clients like if they were a narcissist, I would tell him to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and tell yourself that you ain't ship. So you know, uh, taking it back though education purposes. Uh, that's how narcissist. That's how it was formed. Um, the guy name was

narc maybe narcissists or something like that. But he's seen this reflection in a in a pool and fell in love with it. That's how Yeah. Yeah, okay, so maybe that would work. You ain't ship, say the hundred times a day. Listen, I mean that interventional like you gotta say it like that. You can definitely be tactful, but you need a little bit of narco when you dog. You need a little bit like so you know you that bit you know you the ship, Like everybody need

a little bit of narcissism. Right, Well, it's a difference between confidence and and you know, so you can be confident, you can reassure yourself, you can be you know, ensure that you are uplifting yourself, but you don't have to be as arrogant and standards. Most millionaires are narcissist, right, A lot of them are. They just cut throat, no empathy, Like, whatever I gotta do to get to the top, I'm

doing it. I'm shipping on whoever I feel like you have to have you have in order to be a billionaire. You gotta shoot on a lot of people along the way and not have re not in some cases. So it's a it's probably a list that you can google, but it's certainly professions suit that promote a lot of different narcissists, like the military, like police force, like lawyers, boxers. Every boxer is a bit of a narcis So, I mean it's a couple of different professions. You probably can

google it on your downtown or your listeners. Um, you know, in a real narcissist is dangerous. So we got these people in law enforcement. That's why we have so many problems potentially, Yeah, because they want that one up. They want that you know, admiration of Okay, you the authority figure, you know, so those things can translate to that m

scary now word from our sponsors. All right, so we have our same series, which which would be equivalent to our Dumb Bitch Story, which is a segment where women can you know, hit us up. Let us tell us a time where you are a dumb bit and now how you are recovered? Right, and the same series would be equivalent to that. So guy tells the time where he, you know, maybe was consistently played by a woman knowingly.

I would say, knowingly if you unknowingly participate in some some ship, like you just got used, but knowing that somebody's playing with you, you stay in a situation, I would say, it would have to be a situation where you knowingly knew. So I mean, yeah, I'll be real with you, like I've never had a situation to where I was like blind like that. You know. Um And me personally, I've been on my owner since sixteen. I'm inspected myself at sixteen, so everything for me has been

hustled and getting to myself. So I just I made sure that I didn't put myself in a position to where I'm being used because I'm a majority of part of my life, I didn't have much like I wasn't gonna give you my lads, and you planned me so for me. You know, I've been fortunate not to be

in those situations. Now I am in a situation or have been a situation to where I cater because I care, because I know this is what you know, This is my heart, Like, regardless of what you're giving me, I'm giving you because I know these things are gratifying to you. I know this is what I suppose as a partner. So I mean, and that is sepping or being a sent Oh yeah, well I'm good now that's not a simping.

Yeah you know. But again where I'm from, like, oh man, you you don't did x y z and this person ain't give you nothing, you know. So restiprosly mean a lot, you know, and you can be it can be a fat line depending on where you are, right. And I have an interesting dumbing story for you guys. All right, here goes hi tam bam and a g Okay. So, about three months ago I ran into a dude at work who approached me and asked for my number in the sexiest way. He was so damn fine and his

approach was it for me. Whatever. Fast forward, we go out a few times and start smashing. We have a convoy about only sleeping with one another because we were fucking wrong. This is her exact words, and he begins to admit that he has feelings for me. Soon after this, things start getting thrown off a little because he doesn't trust that I have no relations with my baby daddy

and thinks that I lie. He goes on vacation and tells me he's going alone, but it doesn't sit right with me, and I was definitely thinking he was out there with another bitch. We also barely talked while he's on vacation. I begin taking it as he's kind of off of it now boom. Here's where she gets messy. I have a good friendship with one of his friends, who I thought they were just cool co workers. We flirted a lot at work, but it's never gone past that,

and I knew him before original boom. So I end up getting drunk one night and called the friend. Let's call him for an ex to bring me home because I can't drive. He brings me home. We pinky promise we won't do anything. I tell him that I'm involved with someone who I really like, and he knows him so we don't do anything. But then it happened, and

good as ship was bombed. Me and Friend asked, talked about how we shouldn't have fucked and agree it will never happen again, also that we were taking this ship to the grave with us. Original Boo returns from vacaing and we're kicking it again and just don't seem the same. So I fall back in with Friend X, who provides me with all that Original Bull doesn't, such as conversations, communication,

and we goofy as funk with each other. At this point, Original Boot just blah, but I don't want to let it go, So now I'm rotating between the two friends. Friend X knows about it, but Original Boo doesn't, so I assume they both give me great dick and I think I'm stupid over Original Boob because he is so damn fine, while freen Necks just really is the nastiest, freakiest nigger I've ever had been with. Plus our chemistry is just fire. I'm not dating either of them, nor

do I see myself in a relationship with either. I don't know if I should just keep smashing it too and say fuck it or cut one of them off or both, which I don't want to do. L O L. I'm so stuck and I have no clue what I need to do. I need you'll help, Sincerely, the accidental homie hopper. Yeah, girlfriend's first of all, second off, a third of all? Right them nig slashing both of it? Baby girl? Is uh? Baby girl? Like? Why was it? Raw? Squirrel?

Like so immediate? You know what I'm saying? Like why you you know, protect yourself because even and you have any thoughts about him doing something else, and you still have my unprotected sex. Um and just once you started you can't stop it, but you added somebody else to it as well, So you know what I mean, like protect yourself? Like it's just so many, so many different things within that I think that she has to uncover within herself. Um, But bouncing between two partners, I don't

think that's it, you know. I think she definitely needs to decide on one of them. Um. If not, it's gonna reveal itself and then how she gonna figure out what the outcome would be? Like what happens when they do find out? You know what I'm like? Now their friendship or coworkership or whatever they them to the two males are can be a jeopardy. You know, that can become a different situation as well, whether it's balance or them to just having a fallen out and turn to

something else. And now she used to you know, she's gonna be feel guilty that she was the cause of that. So it's just so many different things like that, that immediate gratification that she's getting from having both those partners, with that amazing you know, sexual chemistry that she's doing. I don't I don't think. I think now she's living in the moment, but it could be a regrettable decision

if you don't figure out which one she wants. But I think with the original guy, if she's having doubts of him being faithful, then they need to identify the lands of within the context of that relationship because if they don't have a title, what are you worrying about what I'm doing? You know what I'm saying, or because that's what it is we studing. Condom did once you take that condom off, you're my whole man, You're my

whole boyfriend. Let's make sure that I or he the person the original guy understands that you know, because it couldn't to him. It's probably was when they said, hey, we were just smashing. It couldn't for him. It probably was all right, we're just smashing. It don't matter. But to her is yo, we're smashing all of all of what you guys said. So they have been short down the same page. So what I think she's this is what she's going through. So original guy, he's obviously dating

other people. You may not be having raw sex with the second guy, but you have been. You're now attached to the man you've been having sex with without the condom, right, But this man seems unattainable. He goes out on vacation with other women. This is why you think you like him. This is why he lacks communication. He's barely talking to you. So it's the unattainability of that man that you think you like. But you got this other guy who's giving

you everything. He's giving you the good nasty sex, is communicating your laugh y'all? Kick items, what's up? Why wouldn't you choose him? You only think you like this other guy because you can't get him well for an accident like he not may not be as physically attractive. To her as well, because she's like the other guys, So damn fine, is he though? That's what she's saying that. I mean, I ain't seen him, but I mean it's it's so it's attraction worth that though like what you having.

She it sounds like she would have rather have an attractive person with none of those other qualities over this other guy with all the other qualities and features that she seemed right, you know, she getting that, she getting their attention, she gets it sounds like it sounds like both of them, That's what it sounds like. Well, yeah, that too, but it sounds I mean, okay, but I'm sorry to read your story. We got a therapist on now. He dissected your as bit. So yeah, it's not okay,

but it sounds like that. Uh. The second guy has every quality, or at least enough qualities for her to be comfortable within the situation, opposed to just that physical attraction that she has for the first guy. You know, if she's getting the conversation, she's getting the sexual gratification. The chemistry is good like all of those traits who are half her comfortable with the relationship. But the weird thing is, like, now, she can't even be in a

relationship because you know, how are you going maneuver through that? Like, I know they probably talked about you like women we Why wouldn't you think these guys they work together and I listen's just go out on the limb. They're probably working on cars in it somewhere, some type of office setting, right, whereas maybe only a couple of guys in anyway, So they're probably tapping all the women that's in there, Like I'm pretty sure they communicate, and they know they're both

smashing you. So the guy thinks you're lying about still smashing your baby daddy, because he probably knows who you are actually smashing. Yeah, and and well she say one guy. The second guy know about the first guy, so he's probably not gonna slip up and say, you know, I'm smashing so and so you know what I mean. But he's probably listening to Guy one. You know, he's probably listening to Guy one saying, yo, dog, I was on the trip with and he's thinking like, yeah, exactly, like

why you was over there? Yeah, why you was over there with some one? So I took you all home and that, you know, So it could be one of those situations. So that's I think that's more plausible. Well yeah, but but hope hopefully a little baby figure it out though, and she just the sad on because right now, like realistically, it's it's even the safety issue just from all the

additional sex. Because if guy one is sleeping with somebody else and he's sleeping with you raw, you don't you don't know or you can't control if he's sleeping with the other chick, you know, and you introduced guy to you know, hopefully you guys are that raw, but you don't know who has hes sleeping with. So now there's some mulchiple people. That's multiple potential diseases. Uh, in addition to the hazard of if I'm too found out now

they beefin one up? What the other guy one, how he's gonna react knowing that, you know, I laughed in this guy face he was smashing a whole time like that can be a trouble situation. So one thing that Mr Harris here in a j did not mention. But I'm going to quote Walker Flocker, I sucked my money up. Now I can't read up. Don't be sucking all these nicks at your job, you're gonna mess you'll checker girl. I ain't even cast too. No, she she wrote that

on this. I thought she said there was all coworkers. Oh no, yeah yeah, yeah, wait I thought you were saying she said to walk the fun that's me her money up. Oh yeah, you definitely three the office. I've seen it happen. That's what happens. This is interesting. Did we give her something? Oh yeah, he look I was

about to say, did we give her advice? And her advice, but we know you're gonna keep sucking both of them to something blow up because it's fun, right, happens, And that's why more exists, because now she's gonna how you gonna know who that is? How you gonna know? It's

just so many. If you're gonna keep if you're gonna keep going doing this, you got to, I mean, because now guy one, don't gonna feel weird, like yeah, we've been going all the sign without the kind of you know what I'm saying, But now that's her excuse, Like, hey, listen, I don't know who you would We're not exclusive or I'm exclusive, You're not exclusive. You know she can trick it up how you need to but realistically, like if his if his responses, Hey, we've been going this whole

time without want why we do want wound now? Well, because you you know, don't Yeah, you're going Yeah, So all that the vacation she can use. She can easily tell guy to to use one. You know what I'm saying, like, Hey, I'm still smashing guy one, so let's use his protection. Hang in there, girl, I mean, get all the digy can I guess? I don't know what to tell you.

Listen to the therapist. She got more things to me, I know, So I mean to what to be real If I was her therapist, I'll try to figure out what she's running from or why she feels like she needs that validation from both now. But is it that or that she's just she's single, And I think that men getting more get more of a pass with this type of thing, Like it's okay for a man to desire some multiple women, but for a woman it's like, oh, she has trauma for some reason. No, my response wouldn't

be based on gender. Remember our conversation earlier before we start Gotta get we went live. My response wouldn't be based on gender. It would be based on the fact of like what are you trying to escape? Being promisco is a sign of so many different things, you know, so we I would dissect that thing, and no you can. But it can be a different feature though, you know, whether it's self esteem, whether it's you feeling yo now that I gave this person that they valued me. It

can be so many things. That's why I say, That's why I say, we wouldn't uncover that, you know, and who knows exactly? Who knows, you know, because a lot of people have reckless behavior at Being promiscuous is one of those things like if you look at like where I grew up at, you know, like just this man had a family here and then they had a family

two blocks down. You know, those things were he was running from something or he was trying to find something else, and sex was the outlet, just like substance, you know, like drinking. The result of drinking and driving is you can get in the correct you can get locked up or whatever du are. But the result of being promiscuous is on playing pregnancies, diseases and stuff like that. And

people don't you those through yeah, exactly yours. You know, people don't view those things as as as a you know, as a potential symptom of something. But you know, as a therapist that have to you have to unscover everything. It always starts with you. So if you're in a bad relationship or you know, always think like would in me, it's causing why am I willing to accept this? Like you know, if that's the life stock you choose and cool, But I know deep down a lot of people feel like, no,

I can't have one person. Some people do feel like, okay, I'm cool with the poly thing. I can have multiple women. But the thing is like, let me ensure that this other people know that this is the situation. I think that's where the issue come in that like, because now you've being deceitful, like you're not even being honest en

up front. But if everybody is on the same page, then you're good because the safety is taking girls, you know, but behind the back and sneaking and doing it, you know, those things that you got to figure out, Like, you know, if I got to do this, then it's not even situation I need to get a part of. But it do make it more fun. Oh yeah, that thrill is definitely something that's you know what I mean. I get a lot of few with the sneaky link. Sneaky link.

I'm scaredy, I'm too old for sleep. Sleepy Lincoln Man, Sleepy linkol, I say sleep sleep. That's how you know, you know, That's how you know your old bitch. Can we do this and lead get together? It's can we get together? The second nap Mrs tire Girl. That's intimate. That's an intimate athlete taking a nap with a good Yes, I would love that. That's fun. Leepy Link, I want to Sleepy Lank. That's my new ship. So Mr Harris, plug yourself again. Tell us all your information about your website.

That book that I'm going to buy for all the men in my life, can you tell us that, Yeah, so he got the whole Still he got it? I mean the easy way to find at me um definitely. If you've got questions about anything that was said on this wonderful podcast with these two levetly long ladies, tonight hit me directly. My website is mental here dot com. Www m E n t o h e A l dot com. You can from there you can subscribe to my YouTube channel, mental Hell. You can purchase the book. Man.

Just express yourself, UM, and of course you can follow me on social media from there as well. My I g is men Underscore, t O underscore h e a L Email me your questions if you have them. UM. Also go to my YouTube channel if you do want to UM view those videos on communication, on parenting styles on UM, narcissistic trade versus narcisistic personality disorder, and attachment styles. All those things are important. You appreciate you coming on

the show. We enjoy you. You were great. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I'm trying to come back, man, because I'm sure it's gonna be a segment to where y'all probably gonna need we need to do a whole episode where we bring some men on and just have you on as a little quick therapist. Right. Let me know. I'm definitely interested, and uh, it's been a pleasure. I wish you guys continue success, keep up to do work, definitely continue to thank you. Really appreciate you. All Right, that's

Mr Harris's y'all man to here ship. If y'all bitches enjoyed this episode, please tune in every Thursday on an I Heart radio app or whatever. The fun you get your podcast that this is your co host. If we talked back a j holiday to point and it's tam Bam. You can find me on Instagram at official tam Bam. Y'all Love, Y'allus