Ep. 2 "No Church in the Wild"

things that I've been experiencing in my monogamous relationship. Well it's so crazy because I was in a lift on the way to see this nigger, right, and he might have been somebody else's bigga. I don't know. But anyway, that's besides the part. I was talking to my lift driver and we got to chopping it up and we were talking about manifesting the things that you want your life and energy, and he was like so dope. So like I took his card and I went on with life.

That night, I started doing drugs and drinking and then I just kept on, you know. And then later in that week, I was talking with my sister and I was trying to encourage her about what she thought about and how she needed to focus her energy on goodness and and then I went in my purse. It was this gentleman's car. I think it's it like a healer or spiritual guy. So long story short, we got together and we talked about spirituality and his practices to manifest

good things in his life. And then I get a text message from a j and she's like, let's talk about open relationship and long behold my guests dealing Lane today. Hello everybody he's in and then open relationship at an open marriage and I was like, ship, you gotta come and tell us about it. And we didn't even know that at the point. So when we met in the left, we were talking about like love and gratitude and manifesting that through the practice. That's what Tammy was asking about

was what is your this? Why? And then why do you do the prep? She didn't even ask why. She was interested in what the practice was. So then when we got together, that's when I gave her the background and why I do the love and gratitude practice that I do. And then through our conversation when we met about the spirituality and the manifesting, then she said that she had a podcast and that the topic was going to be our open relationships in an open marriage. We

didn't know that at crazy. It happened when we to talk about manifesting. So it was just like the light bulbs were going off. Hold on, before we get into anything else, let's pay some bills real quick. So Dylan is in an open marriage? Has it? Did it start out open? So this is what this is what happened, and this is what was so important was I was meeting new people because I was in a new city. I was on Tinder, so I was talking to It was a couple of girls at the time, and then

I met what ended up being my future wife. What happened, and I was talking to a couple other people. So when we met, we we we hit it off. But like I let her know at the beginning, Hey I'm talking to a couple other people, but I really like you. I was like, I might even date this one girl because she won't she won't let me hook up with her unless we're like boyfriend girlfriend, And and then she was like My wife was like, I don't care because I just got out of a five year relationship and

I'm still exploring my options too. In that moment when we both admitted where we were at and our yes. It was like that was like the spark of a of attraction that actually allowed like a good relationship to develop because it was like at the outset of the relationship, her and I ended up being honest right away, so we didn't bring the mask like, hey, this is who I think you want me to be, this is who I am. I'm a I'm a hoe like remember one Savage and umm Rose. But then okay, so that's self

awareness of like, well here's my flaws. I lust is one of my flaws. Do you accept it? In that moment, my wife, well this girl at the time, was like I accept it. Now we can really move towards something meaningful because the overall acceptance was there. So then when I start acting up, she's like, well I already accept you. But she knows that we're working through truth and we're working towards the long term, so as we continue the relationship.

It was very quickly realized that we wanted to stay together like through that time, like and maybe forever. Like we this is what we said, were like, I don't know what's going to happen, but like we're going to retire with the shitty convertible on the beach. Whatever happens in between. Nothing to do is get through it together. But we're gonna get through it with communication. And that's what happened at the beginning. But guess what. I was still a liar, a ho, a manipulator at that point,

but then truth came in. But I had all this residual does she actually accept me while I'm a hoe? So then I would I would be doing it in the open relationship, like I'd be going to see people, I'll be driving to see people, I'd be sucking them, and then I'd be feeling like, does she actually accept this? And then what happened was I would carry that birden around with me and then it would affect my relationship

with her. But then once I started unloading it truthfully to her and she actually accepted me for it, it was like, I can actually be myself, come to be open if I tell the truth to her. But guess what. Guess what, telling the truth is hard and it makes you feel like shit sometimes because you have to admit where you've sucked up, and that's what nobody wants to do, and you have to be accountable for the other person's feelings. So while you're out being a hole, is it okay

for her to be the home at that time? Because I know you guys are in a different place now so before being married, yes, But the thing is that she didn't pursue it as much as I did because she's not driven or attached to lust the way that I am. She has different flaws, which I always tell her she doesn't have flaws, her flaws like she's like lazy. But I accepted that. But it's like she really is, just like she's there to support. She supports me, and

I support her. Whatever flaws end up being whatever they whatever her flaws manifest, we decided to accept them. She accepted me being a hoe, even if she isn't going to be as much of a hoe now down the road. She experimented too, way less than me because she's not as attached to it. But guess what we had that honest dialogue about it. Well, how did it make you

actually feel? What did you guys do? Like she said she was getting and was like okay, so all right, so this is one thing that men don't Yeah, before well, I don't even know when she before we got married, we were engaged, she started to explore like more because we um What happened was I had done a bunch of stuff and not told her about it because I didn't feel I still didn't feel comfortable coming and telling

her the truth. So then once I I had done about six things that were like hidden lies and I had to not tell her. Then when I brought them forth and I was like, this is what I did and I had to come clean. It was like basically like I'm repenting to my wife, like this is what I did wrong. She was like okay, Like she cried, there was hurt feelings, I felt like ship. But then then we talked about it and we're like, well, how do we want to approach this, and it was like

let's let's do some more exploring. And that's when we got on the apps. And then that's when she got more involved in doing it and exploring, and then she started to she started hanging out with people and she she sucked some other people too, and then I got to see how that made me feel. And then we got to actually truthfully talk about it, and what we found out was like we do accept that about each

other you. We can explore that, but you have to tell the truth, like and even when it's hard, because like I might be going to fux somebody and you don't want to you don't want to call your wife or your your fiance and be like, all right, baby, I just I'm leaving work, but I'm going to hang out with this girl. Like that's a hard conversation. Like it's easy in theory to sit here and be like, oh, yeah, I'll call her then when it's time to make the

all and be like, I'm going to fux somebody. And you got to tell that to somebody, Yeah, you do. You pick the phone up and you call him and you tell him. And I've done that with my life and she's done that with me. Okay, So you guys have a discussion because I told Rozac what we were talking about the day and he was like, so do they tell each other before after? So y'all, y'all, So is the call to ask for permission? We've done both.

We've done both where it's been like all right, we're don't ask, don't tell, just do we do what we do? And then we put it on a calendar and then it was like if we want to talk about it, we do it. Then we did. Well, let's let each other know. We have a calendar and as we call it church. No, this is good stuff. Man. The calendar is called church. So we can share a calendar and it will be like seven pm Thursday Church. So that means dick for her or I'm going out to get

to hang out with somebody. And so we've done. We've done that where it's like just put on church, don't tell me we've done. Let's plan the week and tell each other when we're gonna be doing it. So on Sunday it's like, hey, I'm hanging out with somebody on Tuesday and Thursday. That's that one does. That one sucks. Church. No, church is good because it's like you, it's passive aggressive. It's like, all right, that's getting the in the calendar Church Thursday at seven. We don't even have to talk

about it. If I don't see it or she doesn't see it, we don't even talk about it. But when it was like hey, baby, on Tuesday and Thursday, I'm going to yeah, yeah, well and then okay, listen to this. When this happens, this is what happens Sometimes she would get a date right and she'd be like, all right, so Wednesday's or date. Then my date would blow me off and then she would be and I'm like, that's

all right. That's when you do some serious like self evaluation where you're like, oh my god, like she's out, like she's getting pipe. Yeah, because the women turned down much more dick than men get pussy, So that's easy for her. She go to Walmart ale nine and get anything. Alter process is way more intensive. Exactly swipe right, swipe right, swipe right, swipe right. I'm taking. So we did that. That was part of our process. We we we are

now beyond that. At one point last year, in the year before that, we had two separate like we call him like seasons cycles where we like we really we really explored it and went hard at it. We used the apps, we we met people and we were texting people, we were planning things. That's we were having a communication all the time about it. Our relationship suffered because we were leaking so much energy into other people lust. My lust that I indulge was not getting taken out on

my life. It was getting taken out to other girls. And then so then I didn't have time to Like I didn't, I wasn't putting in my my energy to her. But we already decided way back when when the stock is down, we're going to continue to talk about it. And we are. Stock was down when we were going out and hanging out with other people because we didn't we weren't each other. We were we were literally physically disconnected. I would be with you and she would be with him.

And it's like, so now our relationship is suffering. But guess what, when you commit to get through that cycle, when you come out the other end and have a conversation about it, then you can adjust how you approach the open relationship. And like, I know, we don't have a lot of time right now, but it's like we've done like don't ask, don't tell, talk about everything, put it on a calendar or or do it and then tell me later. And each of them has its own

set of pros and cons. But like how it affects us individually, that's what's most important, because because when I'm down and she's down, because we're out doing wasting our energy trying to find people to fuck, we're not spending that energy on each other and then and y'all actually love each other, yes, and then this will happen at the end of all these cycles, when we recommit to each other to have these conversations for each other, to be romantic with each other, it's just we just our

relationship just goes so much better. Like we're communicated bout every we're cooking, we're fucking, we're making love. We're also just being silly. We have so much energy for each other. Because that energy isn't getting leaked on these new people, because it takes like if I'm gonna be present with you as a new person, like somebody that meeting for the first time, it's like you have all these great feelings. It's like, oh, I'm get excited, I get the butterflies.

It's a new person. They look different, they got different and then my wife, they got different asks, like they got different interests. They've never I'm an aquarius. They've never heard me talk about my spirituality. My wife has heard the conversation four million times. My wife is like, shut up, I don't care about the high y, I don't care about the chakras. And this new girl is like open, She's like listening to me, she's asking questions. Then we're

fucking and then it's like WHOA, that was awesome. And then I come back to my wife and she just did the same thing, and then we're like going to sleep. We're not even touching each other because it's like, see, that's what I talk about. Like, that's why I feel like I want to open relationship because variety, but a lot of people, a lot of people can't admit to that.

And I feel like a lot of men if they get to that point to where they can be honest with themselves first, because that's my my god, that's one of his things. One of his advices. He knows is like lust. And I don't want to get into his personal life whatever, but um, you know, like that's that's one of his main things. So before so we got engaged, he doesn't calculate our relationship before asking me to marry him. And we have been to me, in a relationship since

twenty I would say seventeen. We met at the end of so seventeen up until now, we have been in a relationship and I dealt with a lot of things because to me, like going out and smashing people. I feel like I'm just letting somebody else use my pussy at that point, if you're not about to change my life, because I don't you know, if I'm if I go

smash somebody, I'm probably trying to leave you. So if the person I'm smashing isn't about to change in my life, I feel like I don't feel like that's get back all the time to me when I started calculating that in my mind, like I'm really looking for a replacement at that point. So the only time you have six outside of your relationship is we're left to level up, is what you're saying. Do not do it just for your own fulfillment, because I don't feel fulfilled after that.

I won't feel fulfilled after that for real, because now I'm older in this relationship. He had women, and he had had we had had conversations before getting engaged, like a year or two ago, about being in an open relationship or a polygamous relationship where he would have multiple women, And I'm like, I'm not fol that, and neither all the women that you're fucking with, because they wouldn't be stalking you the way they are. You're not being honest

with people. If you were being honest with me, and if you would be honest with them, you wouldn't have the problems that you have. And like right now, I feel like you are in lust with the fucking headache of dealing with these any of them problems exactly. They have to tell me because I'm the main one, right.

So that's what was happening before we got um I'll say the year before being engaged, not like the entire last year, but the ship pretty much ended maybe the end of right, and then when you asked me to marry you. But you don't facilitate the relationship prior to asking me to marry you because you put me through all this stuff. And in his mind he didn't because in his mind we weren't in a relationship. But I was being faithful to you and probably these other women too.

But I can't be a hole, you know what I'm saying, Like I went through my whole phase to where I don't have to I don't feel like I just gotta get some dick from someplace else. You know what I'm saying is it has to be more of a connection for me at this point. So I'm not just going out and just sucking people for fun, and you said it or you were liked it. Didn't it doesn't fulfill me.

And that was what I was gonna say. Like every the more I did it, and the more I got the shiny object, the new the variety, the more I realized like it was never going to fulfill me or fill the void. It was just gonna be like in saytable lust, I could never quench that thirst. I would drink a bottle of water, which would be the new girl, and then like six weeks, six six minutes later, I need to drink another bottle. So it's likely, but so

it never fulfilled it. But guess where I got the fulfillment was with my wife every time when we after these after these whole hoodowns, whatever you want to call it. When I would come back and then we would rekindle with my wife and all my energy would get directed to my wife. Every time it would be so much deeper and more fulfilling. All right, I was. I hung out with the girl about It was probably like twelve and fifteen times, and she was a Leo, my wife's

leo Leo. We hit it off, me and this girl, and it was it was almost scary because it was really good. It was really and then one time we hooked up and then and we talked about all the spiritual stuff and it was amazing. And then she I was trying to hang out with her and she was like, you know, I'm I'm telling the universe that I'm not going to hook up with men that leave me and go home to another man. And I was like that's powerful,

Like that's good, you should do that. And then it also made me realize like what I was doing, which was oh wait, wait go home to another woman who she did. She was like, I'm not going to hook up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go home. She's like, I can't be hooking up if you're gonna just like all right. So we have this great conversation, everything's on fire. Then we fun and

it's amazing. And then it's like she's becoming yeah, and she's like this is and I'm becoming connected to her because we're hitting it off because she's still knew we're talking spear virtual, we're talking ABO, it's going well. She sends me that text and all it did for me was reinforced like I need to get back home to my wife. I can't be dissipating this energy into other people, because it's not only fucking with their head, it's taken

that energy out of my wife. Like, here's what happens to my wife and to me when I give her all my energy is she then gives the energy back to me, and then it's reciprocity. I love her, I romance her, I lust her, I touch her hair, I we do the thing, we go on the date. Now it's easier to do the dishes, it's easier to handle the finances, it's easier to clean the house, it's easier to move to fire. I told my guy, like, the happy life, happy wife is a real thing. It's a

real thing. It's reciprocity. Yes, because I'm gonna make sure you good. If you make sure, if you make sure I'm good, I'm gonna make sure you're you're great to look. Before we move on to the next segment, let's have a word from our sponsors. So you're feeling all those good things. You're washing dishes and cooking and rubbing here and ship, Yeah, what makes you decide to go get a little side and how long? So this is what

happens after the good time. So we so we're at the point where it's like we don't want to go search it like so we used the applications like bumble and the tinder and all that, and that's like seeking. That's like taking your will and putting it out into the community. This is what I'm looking for lust. I want to not Yes, I'm trying to. So if you run into someone, you meet some So that's the next evolution.

We're at the point where you've come into my car and left and I just want to put a disclaim where I have not okay, And then that's that's me following my my my service oriented career and like my out in the community doing my thing. I'm not sitting at home alone when I could be reading, when I could be working out, when I could be clean and cooking. This is I'm working. And then all of a sudden, pretty face comes in the car and we work it out.

Like that's different than me projectively will my comfort of my own home. So I call it like a blast. You send a blast, you send the same message to it's like boom, who yeah, who fucking a knight a night. But and then and then you get like you get ten hits back, so fifteen ignore ten, hit back, two or down. To make a plan, you pick the one, right.

That's that's different than like living your life. It's like this, it's like going and spending your paycheck on drugs versus like going and like living your life and somebody's like, hey, you want to hit this j It's like I don't buy so I can try. So you don't buy the cigarettes, you don't buy the weed, you don't buy the thing. But like when somebody has a try it, and that's

the same. Like we're trying to transition that to the to the open relationship and the open it's now open marriage where it's like we get to get to explore it. But this is what we called it at the beginning spot. We wanted it to be based on spontaneous human interactions like oh we lock eyes and then we just like we just look at each other and it's like okay, yes,

and then we go. Then we can go to be out and just like blasting out like hey, I'm trying to funk to every girl that's out to have to because like you mentioned earlier, yeah she's getting yeah she's she's getting still gets them because like and so like I know that, because I still like they'll be girls, I don't talk to you for six months, nine months, then I cycle back through wanting to go out and get the thing, and then I'll put my blast out

and then it's less responsive because when accorded constantly, if you're not courting, like you guys know this, you're getting men want you and they're letting you know. So we have to have like Pazilion, the willpower to not funk as much because we get nick thrown at us all day, all day and men have to throw to well some men I guess have to throw the day. Yeah, well that's the thing. Is like, so you you are what's getting blasted at. So it's like I see that because

I've done it. Then she tells me. My wife will be like, oh this guy hit me up again. It's like you can see, Hey, where are you up to tonight? Hey you want to grab a drink. It's like the same bullshit, And it's like if you're not courting, then they don't respond because there's fifty people that have been courting them. So I'll send these blasts out like nine months later and like I get no response, because those women are like in relationship, they got twenty dudes that's

been buying them ship taking them out. I just got dick, Like yeah that ship was okay. What else? And that's what I'm talking about, Like, that's what I'm talking about, Like if this person will change my life, but you just got some dick for me that everybody got the stock? What about this though? Like when it comes to jealousy, have you ever like she's like, oh baby, I can't fuck you tonight. Tyrone so good, he's tired, Like how

do you deal with that? Happened? All right? Yes, I ain't gonna say no names, but he was not jealous. It makes me like it challenges your pride in your ego when the dude is like six three, he was just he was just stalling. His ass was like thick, Like we actually hung out with this couple right and the other dude. I was like, Yo, this dude, this is that dude right here, he's the man. He's in

the open relationship. He's like smart, good looking, he's like kind of quirky, but he's like I know he's packing. And then she told me he was packing, and I was like I don't know, well it was. I asked because I wanted to confirmed my like, was there pussy good? I've asked, I've seen I've seen his lips, I've seen his hips in his ass, Like I knew this was funny.

It's funny. But then it's like you get jealous at the beginning, and then when you go through it and you communicate about it, you get to a point of acceptance. So the jealousy is at the beginning when you're exploring and you don't know how you're going to react when she leaves you that night to go funk somebody else, or I leave her to go funk somebody else. And we've done all these different things. I mean, I d I've driven hours to go funk somebody. Yeah, so you

don't know how you're gonna react. I've seen how she reacts, I've seen how I react. We both get in our feelings. But then through it, it's like you get accustomed to dealing with anything, and if you deal with things with communication and honesty, and it's like this is how I felt. It was like that really challenged my ego when I found out that he had a fucking hammer. But it's like, bitch, I knew we had a hammer, like but like mean, it's like but it's like that. So this is what

I tell my friends. They're like, how can you do that? And it's like, this is the thing. We've accepted that we're going to be together to the end. So it's like if I come home and the panthers are running a train on her. She as a free will individual that wants to explore whatever, She's allowed to do that, and it's up the world. You get you get my reaction reaction, but she's allowed to be herself, and her reaction is her reaction. I'm allowed to be myself. I'm

working on myself. My goal is to not be doing this in my thirties and forties. But my goal is not to be in my thirties and forties and be wishing that I had done it in my twenties. So we've been really going at it. So the goal is to be you know, when we're hitting into our thirties

and forties, were like, we're actually mature. Why souls? Because we had the experiences where a lot of men and women are in these forced monogamous relationships where they're getting attention all day from other people, and they want to do it, but they don't, so they go to porn and they go to vices like other ways to stimulate, like get sucked up, whatever it is. They escape because it's like they want to be doing something, but they're afraid to tell the truth. If they tell the truth,

they won't be accepted. And then once you're not accepted, then you're really going to be looking for somebody else. But we decided at the beginning, I accept you. Then we struggled, and now it's better. This is corny, but it's really like a stock. It was at twenty bucks and then it goes to thirty and then when it goes back down to twenty five, you need to give it attention. You throw more resources at it. Then it goes up to thirty five, and then it's just constantly

up and down. But when you're in those down like those cycles where I was talking to you about, like we're really just sucking other people. We're not giving each other any attention. My and her stock is going down, that's when we really come together. We can say we talk about what what's been happening while the stock has been going down. It's like well, you've been talking, You've been with other girls, You've been sucking other girls, given

other people your attention, you've been indulging your vices. Because the devil never travels alone. So my lust comes with my gluttony. So it's like I'm going out spending money, eating, eating, smoke in drinking, fucking the devil. It never comes alone. So it's all my favorite things, saying saying. So you find somebody that accepts you, I might be a yell po. I've been looking at yell for the best restaurants. The way have I met? It comes in these groups of challenge.

You don't have somewhere to go with that information. You keep it inside and then you internalize it and then it gets expressed in negative emotion and resentment towards your partner, resentment towards your family or career, your other opportunities, because you really have this thing eating at you and it's hurting you and you have nowhere to express the truth, and then that makes you suffer and everybody around you.

My fiance, he says, you know, he wants to be able to be vulnerable with me completely, Like that's his idea of being in a relationship with somebody just to be able to be completely honest and completely vulnerable. But I still feel like we're we obviously on at that. I'm gonna tell you a situation I just recently happened.

I told you, Tammy. Anyway, we were going through it, and we went to counseling, were still going to therapy, and he said, had something really nasty to me, and so I had an opportunity to hook up with somebody else. I didn't have sex with him, I went out on a date with him. I lied to him, so he just you know, he came and brought me four dozen roses. It took me to breakfast, all just so he can just covertly get my cell phone to go through it to find the truth. Right, so then you find it truth.

His hand started shaking, like, oh fuck, So now I'm busted. I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want to hurt you, and we're not in a relationship where I feel like I can be honest in that way. So now for the last month, he's been putting me through hell basically like every and I just told him recently, if you were just consistently nasty to me, every day. I would be okay with that because that would make

me leave sooner. But because you like give me all these good days and then you give me bad days, it's like, uh, like okay, we could probably get through this type thing. So that's where the open relationship argument came up the other day, which I kind of said this to him back in February because I found some emails of his and I asked him that. I said, you want to be an open relationship, but see, I don't feel like men can handle that. I don't know,

I feel like they can't handle that. They'd rather be sneaking and covert. And then you know, they want ownership over all of them, all of not just you. They want ownership over all the women that they're dealing with, like even pussy they never had before. They think it's on reserve for him. This is the thing, is like men are like that. A lot of my friends, people that I know, they are monogamous and then they lie in cheat and then they don't they but if their

woman does it, they will absolutely go absolutely right. So that's what So so he feels like I am now justifying what I did because of the past history of his and I kind of am I can't lie because I haven't got over the trauma of those things. And my thing is like, you have the audacity to be mad at me, now look at the ship you put me through, which I shouldn't because I shouldn't be that way,

because that's really deflecting. I like with um Will and Jada Smith, like everybody was like, oh, um, so, so Jade is a bad person in relationship because Will just was like on her ass when they did a little interview. But no, she just wasn't deflecting. She was owning up to what she did. She wasn't bringing up what he'd done in the past to justify what she did. She was just owning her ship and not bringing his ship up.

And exactly, yes, he definitely has ship. They're big in the public, but then look at look at what you see from look at their family and their their relationship. It's like it's very complicated because it's open, but and they're truthful, so look at how it affects their whole dine. And there's always the rumors that they were an open relationship. And I don't feel like, well, god dick like that.

So many people do oh god, Okay, you were talking about you were getting reciprocity in your relationship that was based on wise and manipulation. So one would do it, the next one would do it. That's reciprocity too, yeacy, yes, because it's gonna be what you are and what you've done and what he's done, and yeah if it's not. And see, I've never given him anything to deal with, so like this is like he's shocked. He's shocked, and like, how dare you type ship? And I'm like, you've been

doing this ship the way you feel. I felt that way ten times over. So my thing. So we got into argument last week and I text Tammy and I say, you know what we need to do our next episode on open relationships because to me, an open relationship would be just open lines of communication. Healthy ones don't communicate as a hair stylus. I'd be a lot of different women. I mean, no, we're innocent, let me not say that. But women do step out of their relationships out siling

a bat. They're sneaky and it's just like, yeah, he did whatever, he did that and they're comfortable with it. Just everybody lying to each other. And I just think that's sick. Like, let's just be honest with one to know, and everybody has to because we're all human for whatever reason, Like men just think they're more human than women. We're more human than them, Like we all go through the

same ship emotionally. I like what you were saying about being in salon and being one on one with these women and you see that, like they know what their men are up to, and then once they see what the men are up to, they're like, oh, well, I'm gonna just do that. So this is what the problem is is like now you're both in the dark. Now you don't even know the relationship that you wouldhabit. No trust,

nobody knows what's actually going on. Well yeah, because if it got brought into the light, they would have to deal with it. And that's more. That's hard. That's what people don't want to do. So they sweep it under the rug, they sweep it into the closet, and then guess what happens though, when the finances go bad, guess what happens All that comes into the lights? Ny, Hey, boom,

like why did I get married? Boom? That's so then we were fortunate enough my wife and I to get out in front of that and experiment with hiding but still being accepting of the hiding lying, then being out in front and talking about it. So now when I do something, I'm telling her the next day and we're coming clean because I don't want to carry that around where other people they're carrying around their darkness. It's heavy.

They don't want to bring it into the light. When they bring it into the light, it's scary to look at me because and you've been pushing it away. That's when you really see how fucked up it is. And people don't want to see how funked up it is. They just want to keep going on. He was saying, so, how will we do an open relationship? So you're just gonna be given different people your phone number and stuff

like that. And I made a comment just being smart at the mouth, because I said, no, maybe we could just do with people we've already dealt with before. So then last night that made him feel that I want to go back and funk with somebody I used to funk with, man, I know, And I explained to him, like I just was saying something that midst of being angry, but like you said, if it's organic, you're out, you meet somebody new. I feel like new friends can get

you place as old friends can't. Right, you meet new people. So we married for fifty years, are we not supposed to engage when nobody else? Let's be honest. A lot of people say that, and then it's like, it's impossible, sounds stupid, sounds. Let's be honest, not real, that's not real life it was, and then we can get rid of the line. The monogamous relationships like fail so much because of that, because people are honest about their true human desires. Yeah there is a song. It is no

church in the wild. Oh yeah, there's a thing in there. This literally sums up. We formed a new religion. No sins as long as there's permission, and deception is the only felony. So never funck nobody without telling that ship is so it. I love that song before I knew that, But then when they listen to it and it came back, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like living this that sentence. So I was deceiving though, because I was

fucking people without telling her. But our religions stated the only sin, the only felony is not telling me, and it's like, yeah, that's where the open relationship isn't just open we fucked, we fuck, we fun. It's open line of communication with with yourself, with your partner, and with the world because you don't know where the yo. I talked to people, and maybe the reason I talked to him was because lust, But then it turns into something different.

I'm able and willing and I don't have to hide talking to this person from my wife or anything, and then it shuts it down. I just want to talk to them with the open mind and see where maybe there might be something that's not lust related here as an opportunity and what do you what do? Yeah? Yeah, open that open because you said it. What are we gonna do together and not meet new people? People doesn't have to be about just sex exactly. That's I mean. I try to explain that all the time, Like, man,

every guy I know I haven't had sex with. You know. I have friends that I have real life platonic relationships with. I might talk about you to them, like just to get a male perspective about different things, and I've never slept with them. Like it's very well possible. I think men try to funk every woman they come in contact with, so it's kind of hard for them to believe that we don't do the same thing. You see what I'm saying, Like, I know, he say my home girl, I know you

probably sucked them. When I say my homeboy, that's really my friend. I don't want to get rid of my friends. He says this home girl, he's trying to funk them. You said your homeboy, he's trying to fuck you. Now, all of them. That's you know, that's another thing I've said. I said, you know the people that kind of like if I feel like I'm straddling a little bit frttenizing. I mean, I'm not talking to them, you know, like not.

I don't talk to anybody else on a day to day basis, and I don't really I'm never never want to really initiate conversation like people text me, hitting me up Instagram. I've had the same phone number since I was eighteen, mid thirties now, so you know people, and he wants me to change my phone number. I don't really want to because I have anxiety about changing my

note for whatever reason, cause I'm attached to it. For whatever reason, it's my number you're in and you're allowed, So you're trying to cut my connection off people in lines of communication, people of past and potential people in the future. He projects that all your homeboys are then people that are trying to suck you because he's trying to funk all his home girl. Then that's where the fear of like, well, who are you talking to and

what could they be to me? A threat? And then that threatens my position as the dominant male, and then that scares me because I'm not accepted and I'm inferior in my own self. That's why men have that that fear, because they don't want to be overtaken by the better man.

That's what the long term we're committed is crucial, because then when the fucking the dude rides in out of field on his horse and he's smart and funny and rich, and I'm still like, I'm good because you're not gonna be there when this season passes, You're gonna be gone. But I shouldn't have the possession to be like, well, you can't be in my wife's life at all, because what if they don't even have sex, What if he

has a business opportunity, what if he has opportunity. This connection is like, I feel like relationships are worth way more than money. Like I want to facilitate as many wholesome, fruitful relationships as possible. You learn from other people if it's just me and you, and then we get this echo chamber of like our problems and we're just reciprocating what we already know. We're not letting in new information. So part of what we wanted to do, my wife

and I was have a podcast called Open. It's not about just the open relationship. It's about being open to new information, new ideas, new people, new opportunities to come to you. Because look at when you walk around with closed doors, the best thing ever might walk right past you just deflect off and never come back. With this open line of communication with my wife, I'm not afraid to have the most challenging, difficult conversation with the person

that's most important to me. So y'all both haired or sexual, Yeah, yeah, I'm not. I'm not attracted that man at all. Like sexually, I'm I'm attracted to men in a way that's like a matter of fact, like that dude is the man, whether it's his energy, Well, you know, and that's something that's good man for you to even admit that, because in the black community, that's where the big homie ship come from. You know what I'm saying, Those memes that go around on Instagram like, oh men like other men

for money too, they just call them big homies. They got call a newborn baby big homies. You got more money exactly. Thank you dealing Lane for absolutely. Thank you. I want to see you a lot more time. Man. That was a good ass conversation. Man, dam you would an open relationship or nah, I don't know, girl life. Sometimes I feel like I could be down with that, but then I just think about how jealous I am in real relationships and and probably wouldn't work. Honestly, you whack.

I'm not there yet. Maybe when I get older, when I get like real tired of me, get you another bitch in here. So guys, well, y'all, if you enjoyed this episode, tune in every Thursday on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts at. Yeah we love y'all. Come back