Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.
So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks.
What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a new episode of We Talked Back, a show dedicated to you dreamers and chasers. Y is your co host a j Holiday. What's up? Tam Bam?
Y'all is Tam Bam? I love y'all, girl. They nothing I didn't. How was your weekend? What did you do?
Nothing? It's cold outside, Like I really am emriminating this weekend. I had the bed to myself mm hmm, me and a cat, So yeah, I really enjoyed that. You know. It's the small things, right, like having space to yourself, the small things.
What did I do? It was a Washington weekend for me? What so a Washington weekend?
Does that mean?
I went to see Gladiator with Denzel Washington and then I also watched the Piano Lesson with John David Washington produced by Malcolm Washington. So it was definitely a Washington week.
In Washington weekend. Interesting. How was Gladiator? I can't wait to see it, but I want to see it in the house. I want to watch it.
I would always rather watch a movie in the house. It's just the comfort of free drugs and alcohol that just makes it better. When I say drugs, I mean we y'all. Let me be let me be very clear, right. Gladiator was good. I enjoyed the movie. I don't I can't say too much without giving it away. I enjoyed the storyline how so much. It was connected to the storyline from two thousand with Russell Crowe.
So he's not what.
I guess he died.
Yeah, he died in the last one. Yeah, so that's why he wasn't there.
Well, I mean they have ghosts and all kinds of ship like there was a way to throw that nigga in there that they really wanted to.
They did not.
But Denzel was excellent in it. You know, he's just such a phenomenal.
It looks like just from the like the pictures we saw, I knew it was going to be lit and I love, love, love Gladiator.
Yeah, you're gonna enjoy it. And then also the piano lesson that was good. It's a play adapted to a movie. Some people don't like plays when they're adapted to movies because there isn't a whole lot of movement. You know, a play is usually on a set. I mean, you're not gonna get a lot of movement, and people get it can be a bit mundane if you're not into a bunch of monologues, which is what happens in a play adapted to the movie. But it was good story.
It's an August Wilson play. I don't know if you'll familiar with August Wilson Fences. His dad did that one with Viola Davis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So that came out like a couple of Christmases ago. That was a good one. But I think this story, this plot was much better than No Shade Defenses. But I think the way this show, this movie was presented was through a very youthful lens, Malcolm Washington. He's a young dude, so the way he presented it was youthful. And it's got like a horror
element to it. So if you like scary stuff, I mean, it's not hugely horrific. It's more a tale of like family and our trials and our woes and how trauma can be passed down. And this piano represents a lot of that. So it's a good story, y'all. It's on Netflix. Watch it if you got some time. The piano lesson, piano lesson interesting.
Can I learn something in there?
Yeah, I mean yeah, you might learn something something about resiliency, something about family and being one and sticking together, you know. So definitely watch it with your family, especially if y'all not getting along, sit down and hold hands and watch that movie.
I'd be getting along because I don't be talking to nobody can get along with my God damn matter of fact, No, my sister didn't did call me. One of my sisters
called me this morning. It seemed like every time we talk is like, I don't be knowing as a problem until she says something not between me and her, not between me and her, but h just with other people because I be in my little like, yeah, listen, let me tell y'all one thing you will realize, man, Like, there's a real there's a lot of power and detachment.
And I'm not just saying like to leave people or not, but you got to meet people where he at and understand who they are and you can't have emotions attached to that shit. And that's just where I'm at I practice detachment along with a lot of other things, but I definitely practice detachment a lot.
Me and my family. I was just I was on the phone with one of my friends last night and he was talking about his family dynamic, and y'all, it was a mess. He got a lot, and it's a lot about money, you know, him being a magor breadwinner in a family and trying to help people as much as he can, but it never being good enough, and people like looking at him like do more, do more, and it's just only so much.
They want you back where they're comfortable with you being at. You know, they want you back on their level. I never understand that, so you know how people would be like the money change them? No, I think the money changes the people around you a lot of times, you know.
And it just made me have so much gratitude for the space I am in with my family right now, because I mean, my childhood was tumultuous, Like you know, it was not an easy time. It was hard, but now we just kind of like smooth sailing, everybody getting along. Were very close knit. So I'm grateful for that. But there once was a time, you know, so.
Yeah, I think my family does. We do pretty good, and you know, it's just I don't know, y'all. We got communication issues in my family. We can't always have conversations about stuff. And I won't even say it's just meat like between me and my sisters, because I feel like I can talk to them about just about anything. But I think equally we all would feel like we probably can't talk to our mom about shit out of being like a big problem argument, you know. So I
would like for us to work on communication better. I remember I saw this video on Instagram and it was saying, how you know children are your karma karma right and his child or depending on the zodiac, they come to teach the parent a lesson. Some people don't see it that way, right, because I feel like we choose our parents, they don't choose us. So based on my zodiac, I'm
supposed to teach my mom communication, but it's hard. It's hard when the adult I won't say the adult because we all adults, right, but I'm the child right when the parent doesn't feel like they can learn anything from the child.
Yeah, And I mean, what kind of.
Be learning your whole life? Like I feel like you're never too old to learn anything.
Yeah, you're always learning. Once you stop learning and you start dying, that's how I feel, like.
Yeah, like I still learning and growing, yes, because that's Earth is a school. So you are here to learn lessons, right and if you don't learn them, you keep coming back until you do it again. Until you do, you're gonna come back with them same transgressions, that same depression, the same issues, until you learn the lessons. Yeah, that's it. That's it, is what it is.
Let's get it and see.
What happened. Anyway, y'all, Thanksgiving is coming up.
Yeamn.
Yeah. But anyway, so y'all Friday, Kendrick Lamar drop the album on you niggas. I was at the gym. Yeah, I had got a text message that said Kendrick dropping an album at in a couple of minutes at twelve o'clock. I immediately then went to Apple and the ship was already there, already up.
Yep, Yes, I'm the album. I mean, he's brilliant. He's brilliant, and he's lyrical. It's a good album. It's definitely got some songs that make you feel boastful, you know, like popular ship, you know, and I love energy like that, especially in the gym. So I definitely enjoyed an album.
You know, I usually don't like like California rap, but I like when Kendrick do it. You know that sound I'm talking about that.
Oh yeah, like the first two songs that went straight to Cali vibes. When he said squabble listen, I sent one of my old niggas from LA right the Future the Future, texting the X. You know that picture where he texted me, Yeah, I was listening to Kendrick squabble up. I remember when we used the horizontal squabble. I was just fucking around there. I don't I'm not really missing no space. Yeah no, I don't miss nobody, but it was just funny.
I was. I'm so happy when like good music dropped because there's a lot of trash out there, man, so when somebody drops some real life luxury music, I'm always to it. Yes, so it says the project. They said. The project seemingly dropped out of the sky without warning
around twelve pm Eastern Standard Time on Friday. Filled with twelve tracks, g n X boast a pair of assist from former TD running mate Damn Sis ain't with td No more Interesting Sam Do, as well as emerging artists such as Deira Dera, Bia Bireau, Dera, Ink, Dotty six, as Check and more A girl Child Listen.
Y'all got some names on y'all got damn.
It says, with the super Bowl on the horizon, Kado will have new music with him when he leads excuse me when he heads the New Orleans, when he has the new when he heads to New Orleans to take the super Bowl. Whatever numberus is? What the fuck is l in numerica? What what? What?
It don't matter? Halftime again?
So I can't wait. I cannot wait for the super Bowl. And he did have like a low line and one of the songs, whacked Murals, which is the first song on the album, and people saying he'd taken shots at low Wayne and snoop. I don't really feel like he's taking shots. He just just said something. He was like, he said, I used to bump the Carter three. I held my roly chain, proud the irony. I think my
hard work let low Wayne down. Kadot wraps on album opener and Whacked Out Murals, referring to wheezy posts and a video about how hurt he was about not being chosen to headline in Super Bowl in his hometown. I mean it could have been like a situation where Kendrick would have brought him out or something like that. Now y'all just thought, y'all made this shit so fucking awkward,
Like it's the people. Kendrick Lamar is a performer. Have y'all ever seen him perform at like the Grammys and stuff like that, Like that nigga should be lit.
Okay, I don't think. I don't feel like Kendrick Lamar took a shot at Wayne. I don't think Wayne took a shot at Kendrew Lamar. I don't think neither one of them shot at each other. I think it's the people who are saying, oh, this is a shot to that person, and this is a shot to that person. No, I don't. I don't believe that he said I let Lil Wayne down. You know, he didn't say, like fuck little Wayne.
Now he said, I guess I let him down because he ain't congratulate me either, because he goes on to say won the Super Bowl and Nad's the only one who can who congratulate me. All these niggas weren't agitated. I'm just glad they show on their faces.
But why, I don't understand why he looking for congratulations from people that he don't talk to. You know, do the people who love you congratulate you. That's who you should be looking for.
Me. They're all peers, so they probably do have some type of relationship. No, Kendrick Lamar one of the biggest people.
How often do they call each other?
You know?
I don't. Maybe they do have a maybe they do talk. But I just be feeling like you should only expect because you'll be let down every time if you're waiting on people who you don't talk to to congratulate you on some shit.
About them not even talking, just them being in the same arena right as far as their careers. And this is a this is a big milestone for Kendrick Lamar. I feel like everybody should have been a little bit more, had a little bit more. What is the word I'm looking for? Congratulatory? Is that a word? Yeah? Like they
should have congratulated him more. So I feel him on that shit because if you don't say nothing like I nigga, you hating y'all have all the negative ship him a Nigi Minaj just talking shit, Wayne, Nicki Minaj was talking ship, you know, Drake, he don't even want to say Kendrick martinin no more, okay, but they all they this is not the first time.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Right now, You're on top, you know. But that's why I just say, don't did when when good things were happen have been happening, especially for us with this podcast, where people that you were expecting to hear from something something from that you just did not know.
I don't care everybody. You I don't be caring them.
That's what I'm saying. You shouldn't care. You shouldn't care. The people who love you will be there and the people who who don't just won't. And that's okay. Like I don't like it's given very sensitive, like you know, which is okay. You know, it's okay to be sensitive and want people to support you, but you just don't want to do it from Yeah, you just ain't gonna
get it from it everybody. And it seems that little way Lil Wayne has his feelings about not being included and how you it's hard to expect support from somebody who want what you got.
I seen the video. I guess it's a recent concert that Lil Wayne did and it was fucking gibberish. We're gonna do that at the super Bowl? Like he needs to clean himself up first. I do think that Little Wayne could definitely carry a super Bowl like he got all of but he has to be able to perform him and I just don't think he is the same little Wayne that we remember.
And I definitely don't want to hear all of his in a rock and roll version. That shit pisso that.
Might even be lit if it's like, you know, organized properly for a super Bowl, you know what I'm saying. He could have the guitars and all that shit going on, the fire flames coming up, all that shit, but it got to be done nicely, you know what I'm saying. Child. Anyway, I'm happy for the new album, and I heard he might be dropping some other shit, but we'll see, we'll see, we'll see. We assume this is an album, right.
Yeah, And as for like, I just like want to little say a little something about Drake because they're saying Drake took a shot at Kendrake by saying facts can kill me, not fairy tales. What y'all want that man to do? What y'all want him to, like, just crumble and die. Y'all was so hard on Drake, especially some of y'all who used to be fans. I know, some of y'all who'll be talking bad about him, got pictures with him, you know, and now now you hate his guts?
Come on, now, is it really that deep? I think people like be too invested in a rap battle. It's rap Relax.
Yeah, I don't talk about when it's relevant, Like I really am not, Like I don't know. I never was a super Drake fan. Like if y'all been following this podcast first, I was saying, how Drake is the motherfucking white man that infiltraded hip hop and I'm a stand by that. Okay, y'all be talking about Eminem and whoever else that dude, that dude, man, I see I see Drake, I see him.
I was a fan then, I'm still a fan now. He gave us hits after hits, summer after summer. I know a lot of us, even people who didn't like him dance tom right with me. You was at a Drake concert with me, as a matter of.
Sure it was. And I saw you not know half his songs?
Fan, No I did. I did know his songs.
No bit, you was like, am I right? I was like, am I really a fan? Because I don't know none of these fucking lyrics.
It was like three songs I didn't know, but I knew a lot.
Was like repeating that shit word for word. It's real fans.
Whatever, bit, I am a real fan. I don't know anybody rap songs word for word. I'm a grown ass woman. So but that don't make me not a fan. I am and I and I'm not a bandwagoner. I'm loyal to people even when they down. I don't flip. So there's that. But I do love Kendrick Lamar as well. And two things can be true at the same time. I don't have to pick a side, and I didn't, I never did, and I ain't. I want both of them to be successful. So next sying what you want to say, bitch saying you was.
Wasn't that sin? That's all I'm saying is put your mouth from the damn mic a little bit. You sound like you're eating it the hell.
Hally Berry talks about wanting to be recognized for things other than her beauty. So a video came out this weekend Oscar When They're Holly Berry has opened up about aging in Hollywood. The Never Let Go actress talked candidly about what it feels like to age as a woman, especially under intense media scrutiny, and she says, and I quote, I have longed for someone to say something to me other than oh gosh, you're so pretty. I long to hear other words, she told News Not Noise founder Jessica
Yelling during the interview. The interview took place at the Fortune Most Powerful Women, Some Men in October, but has since been released online. Holly says it's a shame that women are told that they have to stay forever thirty. I know I'm more than this, So I've aged. I've been determined to age gracefully. And naturally we're born to age and die, but somehow, as a woman we have
to be do the unthinkable. We have to figure out a way to do it, and unfortunately we're turning ourselves into monsters trying to do that.
I cannot agree more. And I don't know if she men monstertily figuratively or physically, but both of them shit is valid. Okay, I agree, And I think women are actually even harder on women about about how they look. You know what I'm saying. I see people comments online. A lot of times it's women saying crazy things like girl, you know you ain't gonna be young forever, right, And a lot of these you're thirty forty fifth year olds
looking to fuck good. I mean I don't even put thirties in that because I mean that's yeah, it's very young. So forty fifty sixty year old bitches on Instagram look very good.
And right and healthy. Yeah, so it is a lot. But I think the world there is like such a pressure from the world on women on the aesthetic, Yeah, on our aesthetic, Like we're just pressured to be beautiful and young forever, and it's just so hard to Like you are fighting a battle that you will never win. That's why you know you can't win. You can't be father time. There is no way to do it.
You can you can delay it a little bit, you know, with diet. And last week we talked about skincare, you know, taking care of you, taking care of yourself from the inside out. You can definitely definitely delay it a little bit. But we all have an expiration expiration day. Yeah, but you don't have to look like you're expiring. Okay, that's what you said. Answer, she's trying to do it naturally.
I'm with that. And you're saying people do so much to their faces nowadays, like they don't even look like themselves anymore. Like that's not you, right, And guess what, your kids gonna still have your DNA, so you can't.
They're gonna come out with your old face.
You can't do what the healthcare credit care credit. You can't do credit care credit on your DNA.
Right, And then, I mean, it's a lot of stuff out there that's just fucking what our mental even the filters, you know, the filters. You I remember like being very extremely happy with my face. I mean, I still like my face. I still think I'm a beautiful woman, but I will filter, you know. I'm like, oh, that filter got me looking extra cute, and I was extra cute before the few filter, you know. So I think it's a lot of things that subconsciously affect these things, and
it's having it to women younger and younger. You got girls in their twenties getting fillers, getting botox and all this stuff. Girl, you're you barely you still got good collagen in your face. Why are you even doing that? It's too soon, and I'm concerned with how it will affect them when they are old.
You know, yeah, I I really, you know, I am considering going back to Android because I do think that Apple be fucking with our perception. Bitch, I look way better on an Android phone, Like I really, I really feel like Apple be intentionally making you look fucked up so you could use the filter, so you could feel
some type of fucking way. I really feel like they be fucking our perception because when I look on the Android phone and I look in the mirror, I'm like, okay, this match, bitch, Apple, how your ass looking a fucking mess? Like why is this happening? Like who is that? Like that is not my hand?
Wouldn't my hair? Get that point?
I feel like they're doing something with the camera. I swear to god, you don't feel like that when the last time you had an Android.
I've never had a I don't know I don't have an Android, So.
None of your friends got an Android? Like, damn that camera good as hell, like in a group chat, a group picture.
No, I don't be fucking with bitches with androids.
Girl bye. First of all, I'm joking.
I'm joking. I'm joking, joking.
Apple put the same phone out and be charging people with the same all this fucking money. Android technology is actually better and Android phones actually cost more than Apple phones. I don't know if people realize that or not, but they cost well way more than an Apple phone.
Okay, it's just marketing, that's all it is.
And then like you're tied to this fucking thing, all your apps, everything like face Time and all that shit tied. I really only had gotten Apple because like the FaceTime shit like, and then trying to do business. Most people have the Apple phone. Apple. Yeah, but I do want to disconnect. I've been I've been wanting to get me.
Did you see there's a video going around right now of this girl and her mom are in the h some cellular phone store and she's disconnecting her daughter's service. And this girl had a meltdown and people were like, oh, my mom would have slapped the shit out of me, and my mama would have knocked my teeth out and that was all Like the black comments were just basically what their mama would have done. But that was the same behavior we had when we were told we could
not go outside. You know, it's just different. These kids are so connected to their technology now.
All are, so it does feel like you're being untethered, you know what I'm saying. That could be devastating.
Yeah, absolutely, I felt bad.
That goes out right now.
If somebody put my phone from me right.
Now, if the internet right now, people gonna be wilding out. There's gonna be a lot of people like really having meltdown withdrawn Yeah.
Yeah, withdraw like a drug withdrawal. I don't know if it would be that bad for me. I think COVID taught me something about disconnection that was so healthy and beautiful for me, And now it did not start off that way. I was scared. I made the only Fans page like, I don't know how I'm about to survive. I might have theo a real nigga on the Internet, and I was praying that did not happen. You know, everybody got it did not, But I felt so much. I felt free, you know, I felt free for a
little while. I was out riding bikes and doing all these things. So this connection was not a bad thing for me. So if the Internet completely disappeared, I don't think I would be I mean, well, it would be easy, it wouldn't be devastating.
So y'all know how the Simpsons has been predicting shit since forever, right, So there's a Simpson episode where Lisa was trying to warn everybody about the sharks eating the fiber cables and the ocean, and it caused the Internet to go out why and the Baltic c two cables just got clipped. They're trying to say that Russia is trying to sabotage Europe, but it literally just happened, So I all know, man, it might happen the symptoms. The
Simpsons be right about a lot of shit. I don't know if it's if it's like no, because these do be past episodes, so I can't even say that is it. Is it art imitating life or vice versa, Like it looks like the predictions or they're acting it out. They're acting out what the Simpsons be doing. Maybe that's the script for the world stage. I don't know anyway, y'all. So Peter is accusing Butterball of producing sexually violated turkeys. So somebody from Peter went undercover at a Butterball plant
and it said it says. In the video on Instagram, the investigator, who remains anonymous, describes his under His little Blood describes his undercover experience at the facility. He claims to have seen workers sexually a salting turkeys before they were slaughtered. So your turkey might have a little extra frozen sauce this year, you know, a little bags I got, like the kidneys and stuff all at this there might
be some extra shit in it, says. The investigator. Details instance where work is allegedly humped, shackled turkeys and inserted fingers into the birds. Clickosa, Yeah, it's basically like the birds vagina right. While the production line was halted, footage from the plant shows one work or roughly handling a turkey while another appears to be kicking a bird, saying I kicked the fuck out that motherfucker. In another shot is a worker seemingly sitting on a turkey.
That terrible this is.
It just shows you how weird humans are, Like, why do y'all want to abuse something so bad? Even like the videos with people like what they're gonna do with they robot when they get it? Why do y'all want something to abuse so bad?
Right? Like what people her? People hurt people, that's what it is. And you just got to pray. If you're not growing your own food, you just don't know what happens to it before it gets to your table. You just gotta pray over it, you know. But yeah, yeah, people are sick. People are mentally ill. Anybody who's sticking their finger in the turkey's pussy for enjoyment is sick. You know, that's a sick individual. All these people are really sick.
And they said if one person was humping and I'm wondering, like did he penetrate the turkey?
That's just disgusting.
And y'all know, it's still like illegal in some states for people, if you're not a married man, to own sheep because apparently sheep vagina is like real close to human vagina to a women's vagina, So people be out here having sex with sheep.
That's so sad. And it's not people, it's men. It's men. Women ain't fucking sheep.
They fuck horses.
Though, anybody who let a horse put in them needed to take it out in the bag and put down. Because have you ever seen a horse?
Yes? I have, yes, and I've seen the people who've taken them, and yeah, beige in color. Yeah, don't nobody.
I don't see why you ever want first of all, an animal to hump you, and then of all animals a horse. So I don't know. People are just weird.
It's nuts. And then one more thing, y'all before we get off of sin. So Thanksgiving this is a lie. First of all, This next part is just really some stupid Internet news. It says Thanksgiving dinner allegedly historically affordable in twenty twenty four. Believe it or not. It says we're gonna choose not to believe it, but it says Thanksgiving dinner will be more affordable in twenty twenty four.
American Farm Bureau of Federation AFBF said the average cost of Thanksgiving dinner this year will be about fifty eight dollars and eight cents for a ten person meal, or about five dollars and eighty one cents a person. The AFBF noted if your dollar had the same overall purchasing power as a consumer in nineteen eighty four, this would be the least expensive Thanksgiving meal in the thirty nine year history of the AFBF Thanksgiving Survey, other than the
outlier of twenty twenty. Yeah, the forgotten year twenty twenty, it says. While many people are still feeling financial stress, the AFBF says this shows that wage inflation is an issue that needs to be addressed. So I saw, I mean, I was at Costco yesterday.
And of course you.
Twice this week, well one for your ass bitch, and went there looking for some liquor for this bitch.
I said.
My daddy's birthday today, is said, I definitely would have been a birthday gift for him.
Happy birthday?
Been wrong Rome my daddy's seventy four seven? Assing, yeah, man, many.
Yeah, Costco pack.
I'm like, these people got money. And then you look on Instagram and you see how people waste food for content obviously isn't high enough. It's obviously not high enough for people.
It is it is high enough for me. I was in there on my I definitely go to the store and I use the scooter and I'll be scooting all over their place with a little wheelchair and it is high. I left with three bags of stuff that we needed. We purchased a lot of our Thanksgiving goods earlier in the month, but you know, some ship you just got to wait till the week of or it's gonna go bad, like the perishables. And I spent eight dollars and I only had three bags of things, you know, So it's
just like, where, how is it fifty eight dollars? I spent over two hundred earlier in the month and now another eighty. And I'm not making differ by myself.
Yeah, I don't know what they're calculating, Like who, what groceries can you buy for fifty You can't even get a turkey for that much. The small turkeys they like ten dollars a pound or some shit.
Yeah, I don't know.
No, Like I did look at turkeys, butter ball turkeys, just to see like how much this stuff called I don't eat it.
You know, that's bullshit. And I don't know. Nobody's believing that.
The turkey cost fifty eight dollars by itself, even if you buy turkey wings. My nigga, you're paying ten dollars or three of them.
You don't have to get a boards a turkey sandwich in a pack of bread and call it Thanksgiving.
And split it between ten people.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, they they're playing in Americans' faces. Man, they really be playing. I feel like we don't know no better, Like we don't actually live and feel the economy for this economy right now. Yeah. But anyway, speaking on the economy and all the things, y'all, I don't think we've practiced gratitude much. We haven't talked about it anyway. So you know, Thanksgiving is a great time, right to remind people to be grateful and how do you do that?
Though, we're going to get into it after this commercial break, we'll be back.
And we're back. So we wanted to talk about gratitude and you know some of the things you can do to stay grateful through the holidays, And we actually want to challenge y'all to a thirty days of gratitude. What we talk back period, so every episode to the end of the year will mention like something we're grateful for and then y'all can also I need to make a post so y'all can leave us some messages and let
us know what y'all grateful for. We could play it on the show, Child Girl with the Yes with the People.
Yeah, we definitely want to hear what you guys are grateful for because that will encourage gratitude and others. I think, you know, to be reminded of all the good things that you have despite and sometimes knowing the bad shit will make you grateful for all the good shit going through it too.
Yeah, because you know they tell you don't want to just forget about stuff, because you forget how far you come, right, you don't remember where the fuck you're at. Like, I'm definitely this year could have been better, but it could have definitely been worse. I am looking forward to twenty twenty five, Child, the year number nine. Okay, twenty twenty five.
Me too. I'm definitely this year. I'm gonna get a little vulnerable right now with y'all. This year has been a hard one for me, you know, like just trying to be fearless, trying to do the things that I've been scared to do my entire life, you know, just stepping out on faith. And earlier I was like I'm gonna pack all my shit. I'm gonna move to LA despite all the naysayers, despite what anybody thinks for me, I'm gonna do it. But I realized that I was just,
you know, kind of running from something. You know, I wasn't and I took the something with me, you know, I took whatever that was I was running from, got on the plane, sat in the seat right next to me.
You bought a ticket.
I bought that motherfucker a ticket when I took all of that with me, And you know, when I was sitting there with this broken foot and like, just you know, I can't do nothing. I had to sit with that thing, you know. I had to sit with that thing. I had to lay in bed with that thing. I had to feel that thing. And I had to realize that I can't run from my own healing, right. I can't run from my shame. I can't run from my guilt. I have to sit in those things, and I actually
have to work on me. I have to work on how I communicate with people. I have to work on my tone. I have to work on understanding that my words hurt. You know, I can't hurt people with my words and just because I can't feel the hurt doesn't mean it don't hurt that other person, you know. So those are the things I have to I have to. I had to forgive myself for things that I had, you know, and I had to, you know, really decide to take care of myself and not ignore things concerning my health.
I have to like.
Not say oh, I just don't want to talk about it. I just don't want to focus on that, thinking like saying, oh, if I don't focus on it, it ain't real. It's very real. And I need to like be very present with my health, you know. So God will sit you down, baby, let in a real way and make you deal with the ship that. And I'm so and I'm so grateful. Like in August September, y'all, I just was like, I was so I'm about to cry. I was so sad
and just trying to laugh through the pain, y'all. I get on here and I'll be telling jokes and all that shit, but for real, I was hurt. I was so hurt, and I just can't believe, like God, why me, I'm trying to do all the things that I'm trying to walk in your life and trying to be the best version of myself. But I had to realize that he didn't want to be a better version of myself. He wanted to renew me and that and I had to let go of what was and that that was hard.
Letting go of people, letting go of place, is letting go of things and attitudes. I had to, really and I'm not done yet. I'm still working out at me. I'm still yeah, I'm still letting.
Stallion her album, like with the Snakes shedding, like people saw it as a negative thing. People see snakes as a negative thing, but it's actually a good omen because it's changed. You know what I'm saying, You shedding that old skin and to get to the new place you got to get rid of to owe you, you gotta do things that's never done, you know. So I do a lot of reflection too, man. And it's.
And I had to humble myself in a significant way. I had to move back home with my mama. Then I had to go back home with my mama.
Been there, girl.
And the crazy part is it's not that I can't afford to go get another spot. I can go get a place right now, But I can't, I couldn't walk. I needed my support system. I needed I had to say I need y'all, right now, I need your help. And my attitude was like prior, I don't need nobody. I got money, I can do whatever I need for myself. I don't need nobody. God was like, oh, that's what you think. I'm gonna make you need people with your money. I'm gonna make you need them. And I was like, Lord,
because me and my mama will bump heads. But it's been so smooth, it's been so peaceful. It's been so joyous, like we just being there, laughing and enjoying each other. And I'm just so grateful for that space to know that it's possible, you know, like who would have thought that me and you could exist in this space like that? And nobody did. So I'm so grateful for that, you know,
I'm grateful for that. I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I'm let you go, but I just wanted to share that with y'all, Like whatever storm that you're experiencing, we all gonna have them highs and lows. And I never saw this coming. I went to a wedding, you know, I went to a wedding, think I'm just gonna drink and be merry. And that situation, just in the blink of them not changed my life significantly. And it just wasn't physically, it was emotionally and it was something I had to go
through and I'm not through it. I'm still sitting in here in the boot. I go to the doctor of December fourth, and I need y'all to pray for my foot that when I go in that they don't tell me I need a pin in it. But if I do, it is what it is. I'm gonna have to, you know, weather that storm. But I know I can do it.
Yeah, man, all the things you could do, all the things, man, Yeah, life will have a way of setting your ass to fuck down. I have been sat down, and I feel like my whole thing began like the age of thirty three, which is a significant number. Right, So from thirty three up until now, I have been fighting for me. I've been fighting for my sanity, for my mental health, and bitch,
I'm about to cry, but I'm grateful. I'm still grateful for the struggle, right because remembering the struggle, remembering where I was, I do see the progress right, And I have a lot of gratitude for where I was, and I have a lot more gratitude for where I'm headed at. I do a lot of shadow work, which I'd be sitting in the bathroom with a candlelight looking at myself because that's where it starts at. Is never anything outside of you, even the people that you meet that you
think you have problems with. I had a little relationship go recently and I had to realize that that person is an aspect of me, right, or was an aspect of me that I let go. So now that relationship no longer can exist, and it's okay. And I still remember that that person. I still remember who I was when in the friendship with that person, but I'm not there anymore, and that and these people will keep trying to tug you back there, right.
Absolutely, girl, you preach it to the choir with that one. I had a similar situation, and I was saying to myself last night, like I argue with this woman because we have that same we can she.
Knows these people know where to come at for that thing that they need, that fix, the fixing them that wants the confrontation, Like I know bitch. I'll argue your ass down all day. So you want that smoke, come come over here. But I don't be wanting to smoke.
Yeah, that's the thing. I don't want to don't want to do it. I argued this bitch down the other day and then after it was done, I did not feel good. My vibration was low. I was like, this is not who I am anymore. This is everything that I'm fighting not to be. I can't be what I want to be in a friendship with you right now, so I have to exit, you know, I have to exit so I can be this thing I'm trying to be.
And when you have some people in your life for so long, you feel like they're supposed to be there because they've been there so long, But that's not true. Sometimes you got to let go and love people from a distance and understand that that chapter was a chapter and it's closed and that's okay.
Yeah, you know I used to. Really it's some relationships that I feel like I like grieved from, you know, grieved over for years. Right. These are friendships with women, because I'll always be saying like I don't lose friends, like I literally be taking other people friends, not taking them, but I'll make friends with other people. Friends and all the people that I love, I like them to all
be together. But I do have some relationships that ended right, and I grieve the loss of this person, but I can't I can't perceive their experience in the relationship with me. You know, I don't know. Maybe I was a horrible person to.
Them, right. You might be a villain in the story.
And I'm okay with that too, because what I do know that I do in relationships is my best every time, no matter what the relationship with my family, the relationships with my friends, co workers, if I'm workers somewhere like I an't working nowhere. But you know what I'm saying, my my romantic relationships, I do my best, so I could feel okay with however it is and if it even has to be right, And that's all you could do is your best, right, that's all you get.
Sometimes does fall short, and that's okay. We're human and we're having a human experience and you can just try to be better the next time, you know, the next go around. Change behavior is always the best. I'm sorry, you know, So you can't have no rest this man, Yeah, I mean that's what I'm saying. I been thinking about, like, damn, if I had made this choice, then I would be doing this now or you just you can't live there.
You can change the past by doing better in the future, though, that's why you change your past, like you can't you can change the past. You got to do it in the present. In the future, though, and you look at it differently. You'll look at the past differently, So you just got to focus on the present. So we focused on I just look at it like.
Even even those mistakes, even those are just in all failures, all of those are just steps to where you're supposed to be. You know, these things were meant to happen for a reason so you could get to your greatness, whatever that is.
And I feel like you can't get to your greatness without being everything stripped away to owe you. You can't. You like, you have to lose everything, hm to even get your mind in the space that needs to be so you can get to where you want to be. You do have to lose everything.
Mm hmm.
Bitch, that's what I was about to be, like so big, so huge, because I was stripped the material things friendships, relations romantic relationships, finances, everything, everything, even walking.
God stripped me down to the bare minimal baby, But you made it through.
You making it through that you die.
I did not. I did not die. And the woman who's coming up out of the ashes is so much better. It is so more, much more grateful, and not for things, for relationships, for people, for the network that I have. I have a renewed gratitude for the things that really matter.
You know, relationships is worth more than gold. It's just about man. That's my religion, music and relationships. Yeah, that's what I subscribe to.
But what are the four a's of gratitude.
So let's see what it says here. Appreciation You just said we were appreciative for a lot of things. So it says recognize and value the positive aspects of your life, including people, experiences, and blessings. The second A is acknowledgment. Consciously recognize the good things in your life and feel thankful for them. I think a lot of times when people be threatened about like one little small thing that
don't really matter, they're not you're not practicing gratitude. Like if you just see the negative about everything.
Right and you can't find no space of nothing to be happy about. But baby, I get you know, when you're in the thick of it, it'd be hard to find that gratitude sometimes when people be.
Like, oh, somebody else got it worse, but this is the bottom for me. I can't comparing my bottom to other people. This is my bottom. So yeah, somebody else might have it worse, and yes, I can probably think about that to make me feel better about my situation, but this is still I'm still in it.
I'm still in it right now, and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, I get it, But you gotta dig for that gratitude, baby, You gotta dig somewhere deep to find it, because if you sit in that space for too long, you can turn it to a bitter ass motherfucker. Do you know people that's just like walking around? Yes, very close to.
Me, absolutely got everything, got everything mad, just mad, just upset, just angry because you're not practicing gratitude. You mean to tell me there's nothing in your life that you're grateful for. If we just got a name, one thing for thirty days, I got a million things for each day too, Like I wake up feeling great. My feet you're hurting a little bit because I don't get a couple of pounds. But other than talking about now, I think I got
what is that called flashy itis. Flash I got that, and you know, I had it some years ago and and just randomly went away. But it's that, my fucking friend, bitch, I might be feeling your pain. I might be feeling your pain a little bit. The third A is admiration compliment people on their traits, skills, or accomplishments. That's one way like giving somebody else a Yeah, like, you know, tell somebody else how what you think of them and
how wonderful they are, how amazing they are today. Can we do that?
Yeah? And do it when not looking for a compliment in return, right, do it just because you know, I never know what.
To say when somebody says something nice to me. I just always like.
You are the worst at taking a compliment.
And that's one of the things I'd be working on. I'd be working on it, just trying to and I don't that doesn't come from a place of not feeling deserving though.
It just feels to me you be just trying to be so humble. Stop. You don't have to be humble, so humble all the time. But I really I'm.
Really not that humble though, Like I'm humble. I have a nice I feel like I have a nice level of all the things. Like it's just like, yeah, if.
I'd be like, that's a pretty dress, this whole thing, I had it forever, Like you don't have to do that, just say thank you. You don't have to minimize whatever it is that's being complimented.
I don't know. I still got to work on it because I still do that, and I feel like that's something that hasn't passed down to me. That's not my thing, that's not my own thing. A lot of things aren't our things, but we picked them up somewhere. Yeah, so recognize them and fix them. And the last a is attention. Listen to others with patience and attention. I gotta work on that. I got to work on not responding, smiling and nodding more often, you know, just you're right, I hear you, period.
I see my attitude toward that is what I'm doing now or I'm trying to do more of is listening to here and not to respond. Listening to actually be open into a different perspective and not just listening. So my till it's my turn to talk, you know, especially when it's something I'm passionate about, I be like, yeah, yeah, I already know what you're gonna say, but I do I really no, I don't. You know, Just let this
person express themselves because you might learn something. You might get a new perspective, you might get a new idea about something. So I just try to be more open to being objective to other perspectives and shut up. Just shut up. I know I talked back, but I can shut up too.
So I definitely listen, and I like to know other people's perspective about stuff, but I also be wanting people to hear my perspective. Now, my ego isn't big enough to want to beat some shit into somebody's brain. So how I might do it? I might follow up with
additional information. If you are more of a visual learner, if you need to see something and I feel like wanting to understand somebody else, that comes with like if you actually love them and respect them, right, if you just readily just ready to discard somebody because you don't understand their perspective. You're not trying to hear what they say. You're not trying to you're not trying to see it. They wait because we don't have to see each other
shit the same way. We don't have to. But there's a level of understanding that comes with love and respect though, right, I want to understand where you're coming from because I respect you and I respect your perspective. I want to see you, but I want the same thing back too, though, right. Yeah, So that's I feel like that's what i'd be fighting for. But the thing is, I gotta be okay with them not seeing my perspective and not seeing it my way, and it's fine, right.
Yeah, I've definitely I feel like I've mastered that now, Like I would just be quiet real quick, you got, and let people say what they how they feel. It's okay, you know.
Okay, So how do you practice gratitude? And this is for this is going to be fire. Thirty days of gratitude. So from what we want, it's over thirty days, so from here to the end of the year, basically until January one, because then we get into goal setting and all that year. Bitch, Look, I got the same goals from last year. You get this motherfucking patron Okay, when I tell you I got so many, there are one two three million dollar houses on my fucking zoo search. Okay, listen,
and I'm getting one of them. That's just it is what it is because I said so. So this says practicing daily gratitude. Ten ways to practice daily gratitude. This is from mindful dot org. Okay, so the first thing it says, keep a gratitude journal. We know this. Write down all your things right down.
I bought you one.
I have it. It's on the side of my bed. Okay, so maybe I'll write in it.
Okay.
It says keep a gratitude journal. Establish a daily practice in which you remind yourself of the gifts, grace, benefits, and good things you enjoy. Recalling moments of gratitude associated with ordinary events, personal attributes, or valued people in your life gives you the potential to interweave a sustainable theme of gratefulness into your life. So write it down. Write that shit down. Like a couple of weeks ago, I attended a friend of ours. She had a zoom thing
what her group of people is called. Write that shit down. Now. I wrote that shit down now, and I revisited since I wrote that shit down, So I gotta do better. I gotta do better with just being consistent with all things. Take them a fucking vitamins, Okay, eating properly, working out, it's being consistent. But I do have gratitude that I can wake up and choose if I'm doing it today or not. Right, Thank you God, Thank you God.
I think another way a good practice is, you know, instead of waking up and saying, I gotta go to work.
Today, I get to go.
I get to go. Yeah, you know, change the way you even speak about the things in your life. You know, some people don't get to go, you know, but you do. You know, so.
Got changing your programming.
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Number two is remember the bad We said that. So to be grateful in your current state, it is helpful to remember the hard times that you once experienced. When you remember how difficult life used to be and how far you have come, you set up an explicit contrast in your mind. And this contrast is fertile ground for gratefulness. So you almost got to trick your mind, Like is
your mind be tricking you? Your subconscious mind really be holding on to a bunch of little small thoughts about nothing, so not even intrusive, because we intrusive me, like you want to do some bad ship, but it's just like.
Just But sometimes intrusive thoughts can be shipped against.
Your Yeah this negative yeah right right, negative thoughts about yourself, So replace it with something positive. The minutes you start thinking about some negative ship, replace it with a positive thought. Just keep doing that until all your thoughts are positive. Like, of course you're going to have bad things happen, but you can't live there. You can't live there forever. I mean, broke got a couple of weeks.
Listen, you can live there, but I advise against it. Man, you get there, not a good place.
To get out of there. Number three says ask yourself three questions, meditating your relationships with parents, friends, siblings, work, associates, children, and partners. Using these three questions, what have I received from blank? What have I given to blank? And what troubles, troubles and difficulty have I caused? Are the three questions you want to ask yourself about the people in your life, about the relationships.
Yep, that's good, And then be like.
You got to find a way to be okay. Even if you cause something, still be okay with it and do bed and moving forward. Share your gratitude with others. So research has found that expressing gratitude can strengthen relationships. So the next time your partner, friend, or family member does something you appreciate, be sure to let them know. Yeah, I appreciate that, I tell them. So I appreciate them
all day long, you know what I'm saying. Like, if I'm grocery shopping, somebody do, Okay, thank you, I appreciate you, Like I think that does something for their day too.
Yeah, And you can tell people you appreciate things that haven't been done for you. I appreciate the things that you're doing for others, you know, Like are our friend Ebene from the.
Oh she's her Turkey drive. Yeah, I appreciate Professional home Girl Okay, the Professional Homegirl podcast, y'all check her out. She's also on Black Effect yep.
So that's you know, it doesn't have to be something directly related to them doing things for you. Just knowledge people for what they're doing for others as well.
Absolutely, come to your sensesber five says, through our senses the ability to touch sea, smell tasting. Here we gain an appreciation of what it means to be human and of what an incredible miracle it is to be alive. I don't think y'all realized man could have been somebody else would have made it to that damn egg right, seeing through that the sperm that made it back, you made it. Seeing through the lens of gratitude. The human body is not only a miraculous construction, but it also
is a gift. So people, he.
May so sit with that for just a second. You got the gift of life, Like, look, you got lucky, you hit the lottery. How many sperm be shooting out there for a.
Lot a lot?
And you know, I know.
I have a lot of gratitude for being alive. And I do think my mom right, because she has reminded me a couple of times how she was sitting an abortion planet as a married woman with two children, about to abort me. And maybe this is why I feel so strongly about Yeah, she just told me that, right, And I said, well, that's why i was breach stepping out that pussy feet first, because I'm supposed to be here.
I know, I'm supposed to be here for this time, all the things we experiencing now and the stupid shit like I know my purpose on this planet. I think you also could feel gain gratitude in that way too, just figuring out what your purpose is, right, you know, And a lot of times it takes you got to go from from nothing to even to get to that place to understand what is your purpose on this planet? Why are you here? Are you just going to just roam around your whole life like just just not knowing?
And that's unfortunate.
So because on this planet, unfortunately, this hell realm, if you don't figure out what you want for your life, somebody else will and judicial system to just put your ass in jail for the rest of it. So be careful, my man. That's you pay them taxes, bitch.
What else is meant?
Use visual reminders because the two primary obstacles to gratefulness are forgetfulness and a lack of mindful awareness. Visual reminders can serve as cues to trigger thoughts thoughts of gratitude. Oftentimes, the best visual reminders are other people. I keep saying, I'm gonna get me one like a big whiteboard and just put it in my fucking living room and right ship and remove ship as I knock shit off my little list. It might not be for gratitude, but just so I can stay.
You can for gratitude and half to do.
But I do be needing to see it because.
It is for real.
For real is out of sight, out of mind for me. I don't know. It might be my autism kicking in sometimes. I don't know.
Mm hmm, I can believe it that up.
Make a vow to practice gratitude. Research shows that making an oath to perform a behavior increases the likelihood that the action will be executed. Therefore, write your own gratitude vowel, which could be as simple as I vow I vow to count my blessings each day and post it somewhere where you will be reminded of it every day. You know, people start putting the post its on the bathroom mirror and so on. I could just see my cat now
snatching that shit down. Bitch, I'm trying to get us, I Mansion, what you're doing doing.
I think another good way to perform some gratitude is to kiss yourself in the mirror every day in the morning. You don't really have to kiss the mirror and leave all lipproots all over your mirror. I can't even get close to my mirror without having to climb on the counter. But start making love to yourself, you know, not physically. I mean you could do that too, but I mean being grateful is also showing love to yourself, you know.
I think it starts there. Yeah. I always like with my friends sometimes when you be like talking shit to yourself or talking ship, I'd be like, be nice to my friend, and you be like, who are you talking about? Bitch you talk about? You be nice to her. I don't like that.
I know I'd be hard on myself. Man, I'd be real hard on myself. So I do have to replace some negative thoughts a lot throughout the day. Throughout the day, just as long as you're mindful, right, that's where it starts. You got to recognize the problem before you can fucking fix it. So Number A says, watch your language. Grateful people have a particular linguistic style that uses the language of gifts, givers, blessings, blessed, fortunate, fortunate, and abundance and gratitude.
You should not focus on how inherently good you are but rather on the inherently good things that others have done on your behalf. M Anyway, I like all those words. I don't. I don't like the word blessed though, because it's be less. So I like bliss All other ones are bless Yeah, that's fine. I like the I like blissings, my blessings. Yeah, you got You definitely got to watch your mouth, man, you definitely got to watch your mouth.
And I always tell people over yourself and everybody else. I always tell people that your tongue is a magic wine. When people are saying stuff like gative, stuff like I can't, I won't, I should.
I'm dead.
I hate that.
I hate when I see that in the comments I'm dead.
Like, don't speak good carry yourself? Yeah are also I don't like demon time don't I don't do nothing? Demon don't slowly? Yeah I've been going out. Yeah, don't do that. I hate that. Yeah. So your tongue is a wind. Remember that. Speak blessings over yourself, for blessings or whatever you have, speak that over yourself and everybody around you.
So when people say have a blest day, it's usually them being real condescending and like they don't really mean for you to have a blessed day. That's why I'm like, don't tell me to have a blessed day, because you're telling me that, you're telling me to be less today.
Well that's not how you come before the eat. Huh b less is b E l E S S.
Well just b you're not putting the E in there, So B L E S S.
This is all about perspective because.
The English language was a big ass curse in itself. So a lot of times like people be talking about motherfucker saying grand rising or because people don't want to say good morning anymore because morning means morning, like you're waking up mourning some shit. M Oh you are I ng m Oh you are n I NG mourning. So I mean when I.
Tell somebody, uh, be blessed or have a blessed day, I mean it in the most positive. Even when you.
Argue with somebody, you ain't ever say have a blessing.
I don't say that when I'm arguing a lot of people don't tell them to have a good day. Have a good day.
Them church, But that means about a blessed day real quick, have a blessed day.
And I'll say have a good day, good day, But do you really mean that? Yeah, because I'm about to go. That means I'm about to exit.
I like to say, how the day you deserve? Yeah, go have the day you deserve to have.
But I just even even still, it just I don't anytime. At this point, I feel like when I wish negative on people, I'm wishing it on myself. You know, when I offer negative people, I'm offering it to myself. So I having the day you deserve, I hope it's good because I want a good day. You know, be blessed because I want to be blessed. It's a circle everything I'm finding like when I do when I do bad shit, bad shit happened to me. When I do good shit,
good shit happens to me. When I give, I get gotasy.
That is that is so easy, isn't it. Yeah, that's a hard concept for a lot of people to grasp.
Yeah.
Number nine is go through the motions. Grateful emotions include smiling, saying thank you, writing letters of gratitude. By going through grateful emotions, you'll trigger the emotion of gratitude more often. Yeah, man, smout, smile.
Be nice, be nice to be both they thank you.
You know. I go to fast food restaurants and well, not for real, but just Chick fil a is the only place that it is nice. I like apple pies from Popeyes, and the customer service is deplorable. Like why am I saying thank you to you and I appreciate to you, but you slamming my fucking apple pies on the counter. They not practicing gratitude.
They're not. They're not, but they might be having a hard day. I always just try to be like they might have Who knows they could have shipped their pasts this morning. Who knows what happened. I don't. I don't know what happened to them, So I'm not I don't take it personal. I just give the energy that I want in return and hopefully expread, you know.
But I feel like that's a good example of why people aren't having the things they think they're supposed to have and aren't doing the things that they think they're supposed to be doing. Because your attitude sucks no matter what you're doing, like, you gotta do it happily.
And I you know what, I talk to everybody like I know them, everybody our encounter. I treat them like I already met them a long time ago. How are your mama doing? I ain't never met your mama in the day in my life? You doing?
You know?
So That's how I encountered the world, all right.
And so the last one is think outside the box. If you want to make the most out of opportunities to flex your gratitude muscles, you must look creatively. Creativity. Creativity creatively is that what creating? What you're creatively creative? Like? Get you tongue coming in? Uh? Creatively for new situations and circumstances in which to feel grateful. Please share the creative ways you found to help you to help you
practice gratitude. Think outside the box. If you want to make the most out of opportunities stuff like, you must look at them. I don't know, So how are you gonna think outside the box to? I don't know why they even added that number ten, but it's there. This is on mindful dot org Healthy mind, Healthy Life.
Amen.
Like that I wanted to they got that trademark. Yeah.
I hope you all apply some of this to your Thanksgiving if you're listening today, because it is Thanksgiving. When you hear this, and I hope you apply this to your everyday life and at least the next thirty days, you know, while we practice gratitude for the rest of the year. Really, you know, we're gonna practice gratitude and we're gonna come on the show every Thursday and share something that we're grateful for. And we hope that you share your things with us, sliding our dms and tell us.
Y'all better be grateful for me. I see a lot of y'all ain't, but you better be.
Because I'm gonna say if I if they.
Ain't, I'm had to save your life. I ain't the enemy. I'm had to save you, man.
And I'm here to love you. You got any last last?
That's it. That was it.
That's your last last? All right, and be married, guys, enjoy your days, enjoy your week, and we love y'all and we'll see y'all next Thursday, for sure, God willing.
So if you enjoy this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on The Black Effect. iHeartRadio Apple Where but the fuck you get your podcast at? This is your mindful Queen. A J Holiday two point on Instagrams kicking Tam.
Y'all is official Tam bam On and Christa Graham on Instagram. I love y'all so much. Speak now and never hold your gratitude, Amen Deuces.
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