Hoping to.
We talked back where we encourage you to hustle hard, laugh louder, and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee, cocktail and crown because it's about a go. Damn.
We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. He talks.
What's up, y'all, it's your girl, aj Holiday, what's up, Tam.
Dam y'all, it's TVAM. I love y'all so so so very much. I love you.
I love you more.
On your weekend, girl, y'all. My weekend was horrible, Okay. I had to rush my kid to the emergency room. Damn, Dosha the fucking cat man.
What happened to Dasha?
She ate a stimulant, a prescribed stimulant that I must have dropped on the floor at some point, and I just felt like losing Isaiah. Sitting up in the vet. I was just waiting for the police to come looking for a prescription, like I just knew I was going to fucking jail. Bitch. I was in there boohoo, crying like a baby, okay, and cried even more when I got the goddamn bill.
Okay.
I was distraught.
So she's getting back to normal kind of now. So she actually had to stay in the hospital overnight on Friday, and y'all avet don't be playing if y'all work somewhere, and they offered some goddamn vet vet assurance paid on a couple of dollars every couple of months a lot of people. I didn't even tell people for real what was happening with my cat, because.
The one two people.
I did tell is like I'm crazy for trying to save my cat's life, like they would just get another cat. Rest of all, Yasha cost me twelve hundred dollars for that fucking cat. The breach is her kittens could sell upwards three thousand dollars a pop. I'm not just letting my cat die regardless.
I will even eat.
Meat, So imagine me letting the cat die.
So I'm gonna do whatever.
It takes to keep her healthy. And am your animals become like family. You know you're not just gonna let them die if you can afford it.
Yeah, I don't even necessarily like I can afford it, but I don't want to afford it.
That's the problem.
I did not want to afford this VET bill, but I cried a lot, and by the time I went to go pick her up on Sunday, it was half the price. I was like, oh my god, that's gonna put me in a major for that. Your hardship, I cannot bitch when I say I was acting out in there. I was acting out in there, and like once I knew she would be okay, Like I was acting out more so about the bill, right, Yeah.
It'd taken her to the vig. You should have had her like organized. Listen, when I ever Adderall, it made me feel like I could do everything. You should have had Dossa organized some episodes.
The house not make her its an intern, no, but it has like an average. It's so weird because you know, cats are very like finicky when it comes to food, but it's something in the stimulants that they like that they're attracted to the smell of it, the taste of it. So this is like a common thing that happens with cats. So if you have like a kid that's on adderall or or what's the other one, red Lin and shit like that, like, and you have animals like for whatever reason.
Cats like Adderall.
She ate majority of the pill I came home once I got home Saturday night and looked underneath the fucking dresser.
I see like the little pieces.
Oh my god, this cat really like and I remember.
I just feel like you didn't take advantage of that.
She couldn't do anything, like It's like it's like somebody had control altlite her shit.
Like she was just standing in one spot looking.
I sent you the.
Video how she was looked at Hi. She couldn't do nothing.
They couldn't so it makes their heart rate rise real high. Like her shit was like her blood press was like one ninety six over something. Oh wow, yes, so they had to like dip her in an ice bath. Shit was real serious. Like Dasha was on her way out of head to meet her maker, the cat maker.
Damn.
And I my heart cannot take losing another animal, I said, my heart cannot take losing another animal like Bella is stole my screen saving on my cell phone. That's how much I missed that dog. Dasha is ten months girl.
I could not.
I wouldn't have been able to function for at least a week or two. Yeah, and then I had some family shit going on. Yeah, it was Memorial Day. I laid my ass down, bitch. I went to Belks and Dillers like an old bitch dude to check out these Memorial Day sales on some sheets and pillows and shit old lady stuff. And I brought my ass back to the house shift. I hope your weekend was better.
I mean, it ain't hard.
To top that, stupid I'm sorry, hard to talk that.
I got on a plane and we went somewhere. I'm somewhere else right now, nice, and I went on a day.
They don't sound like you're trying to tell us or the listeners me or the listeners where you at week on a plane and.
You just know I got on a plane, y'all, and I got to come back home on Thursday morning, and I'm still here.
You spending the night, bitch.
I'm happy for you.
Sign let's get into scenes.
Because you're sending all right. So, okay, I know the internet.
Seeing what's happening between remy Ma and Papoos and Clarissa's shields. I don't think she's really in the equation per se. Are they actually divorced already?
No, that's the issue.
Yeah, okay, And so now you're publicly online like regardless of what Papoos is saying remy Ma could go to court. He bet it has a real life proof right because he is online publicly with his girlfriend. Remy Ma went live like captain on his live with him talking shit or added him to her live right to check the shit. He was just talking on his live and like you
know how you it's like somebody call your phone. You're on live, like your screen comes up it's him and Carissa, like a picture like his avatar is him and Carissa. So she has a lot of ammo hey for court if she wants to put something, throw some fidelity and fidelity in there.
Don't get from him.
No, she ain't gonna get well, but he can get from her. So she could prove that he was the one. You know, maybe she wouldn't have to pay as much alimony. Oh you see, because she is the bread woman where we we say she's the bread winner. Papoo says that's not true. But I don't know. Maybe she had I don't know.
All I know is real me my but and I play with Cliversa. You see him stocking shoes, baggy your ass?
Yes, yea.
Lady alone. She looked like a house was about to drop on the play.
Ada looked like a mouse was chewing on the tip of them shoes. Bitch, she don't give a fuck, She don't give a fuck.
Don't play with.
That, lady. Mom, you're gonna have to catch another shooting charge because you.
Can't be here over and we talk.
Absolutely. I think she's a very sweet girl, just real innocent. She's real innocent, and she just authentically who the fuck she is, like she ain't trying to be nobody else. Okay, obviously, because that girl had on tights, y'all. Remember them tights your mom and them black dark ass tights going to church. You ain't even start wearing, no, shearstock because he was grown child. Those those are fucking tights black one quite.
It was too big? Give it wicked with each other?
What of the Bronx wicked witch of the Bronx?
Bitch where she from?
And the Brons people? Crazy? Child?
Girl?
My lashes stick it to the bottom yet the Brons people crazy?
I love you, So you know this, Okay, So y'all.
When we first started this podcast, I was actually engaged to somebody, right, and the relationship ended, and I know I probably shared a lot of like not even a lot because it was a whole lot of shit that transparred in that relationship. But I know I probably talked a little bit of shit, right And you know he would actually tell me he feels like I'm trolling him
on the podcast. Now, mind you, nobody knows who he is though, right, So, remy Ma and Patpoos have always been, you know, especially since she came home from prison before everybody just thought, you know, he's just holding it down somewhere, waiting on remy Maudy that she actually comes home to get married. They're like the symbol of black love for many years, and now here they are like spilling the super beans, okay about their relationship because now they're at
odds and they're breaking up. Is that the same thing I was doing? I yeah, I don't think so.
I mean kind of.
I don't think so, Like I would never drag somebody I once loved like that.
How they're doing now?
I know Remy is a is a loving woman because the way she packed that nigga stuff up nice and neat in these little plastic bags she probably ordered off Amazon thirty in a bunch. She packed this shit up real nice. But you know, if you only got clothes out of house. You ain't got no steak in at home for real, right, all you got is closed. There ain't no furniture you could take. You just got clothes in the place.
Take the TV, my nigga.
It was a whole bunch of bends and clothes. So she, I mean, she packed it out real nice for him.
I just hate that because I remember when people used to say that they were goals. You know. That's why you can't make nobody your goals. You just have to make your goals and make it just about you and not nobody else shit, because people should be falling apart.
Yeah, man, And you never know, Like the internet is not a real place as much as we as much as it's a part of our lives. You know, I had an idea for a book. I won't say the name of it, but.
It's like.
It's a one big it's one big filter the internet mm hmm. You know, you do not know what is actually going on with anybody just by looking at pictures and what they choose to show you or even what they choose to say.
On live and shit like that. You don't know.
You never know. So you know, she said that he was cheating her the entire time he was in she was in prison. I mean, I don't consider it cheating. If I go to jail for eight years, nigga have at it, Okay. If we be together when I come home, then so fucking be it. I would never want anybody to put their life on hold for me, right, So I don't consider that cheating.
You never assumed that they were, you.
Know, right, Like, I think that was the aine.
As far as I'm concerned, long as you do it quietly and don't embarrass me, go ahead, you know.
Yeah, I agree.
Shit, even even now, I just don't want to hear about it. I just I don't want to see about it. I don't want to hear about it. Don't play in my face. Do it quietly.
That's love.
It is love when your significant other never finds out did you fuck somebody else? That is a love.
That is like a epitome of love.
Because shit gonna happen, especially when you with somebody for many, many years. Like I just think, I think there are people that could be in committed relationships for a very long time and never you know, never cheat.
But what are the odds?
Right?
The odds are.
Very slim, so I just think they need to have It's like, where did this respect go?
Y'all just said, fuck respect. I don't like this nigga no more.
We need together and I'm gonna just embarrass him as much as possible.
Hurt people, hurt people, that's what they say.
Yeah, I don't never want that type of love, even from a friend.
You know what I'm saying, Even from a friend. I don't like you.
Wanna get on a public platform and talk crazy about me and people know who I am. It's just different when people know who you're talking about. So seeing what's going on with them didn't make me think about you know, the shit I probably talked, which probably nobody even remembers the things I've said.
They don't, especially the people who know him, who though.
The fuck? But do people know him? Let me stop being shady, okay anyway, Yeah, I want papoos and read me to be better. Y'all have a daughter. The internet is fucking ink, is not pencil. You cannot erase the things that you've done. And we see how smartness little girl is. I'm pretty sure she'd be on YouTube. She's probably gonna be seeing some of the things that you said about her dad and some of the things he said about.
Her, Like, it's just it's not cool. It's not cool.
You have to remind yourself that people delight in your misery. Don't give them nothing. Don't give them.
Nothing, Pam Dust, Yeah, that's why I What else is that going on?
Chiall? Okay? So, a New York couple charged guests three hundred and thirty three dollars to attend their wedding. Out of three hundred and fifty invites, only sixty people showed up. So he says this Nova and Remo Styles redefined wedding norms by inviting guests to purchase three hundred and thirty three dollars tickets to attend their twelve hour celebration across
New York City. This fee wasn't about covering calls. It symbolizes the age of number three three three, representing change, growth, and strength. Proceeds were donated to a foundation supporting couples facing infertility challenges HMM. Originally planning for three fifty guests, the Styles faced the challenge of narrowing their lists to sixty two to logistical constrains. Oh so, it wasn't like sixty people showed up out of three fifty. They narrowed
their guests down to sixty. Mm hmm, okay, that's fair, and then all sixty people showed up with three hundred and thirty three dollars.
Yeah, and it says by introducing the ticket system, they allowed friends and family to self select their participation, leading to more intimate gathering. Despite initial skepticism, the event sold out and the couple express no regrets, nothing that the experience clarified, oh, noting that the experienced clarify the depth of their relationship.
Okay, so it wasn't what we thought initially.
That is not tacky like take away the donation thing like them donating the money and all that stuff, and other cultures people help, they help, they help their the loved ones have these weddings like we see the African weddings. I want me an African wedding, like I need y'all motherfuckers to show up and throw bands on me. And I want to sit there and act like I don't care, because that's what the woman is supposed to do. Y's supposed to act unbothered. Why he throw money on her?
I want to do that, and the bitch ain't gonna never smile, Like I'm mean running them pockets, your family, pay the dowry, all that shit, Like why aren't we Black Americans don't support enough?
They don't support each other enough.
I agree, but I don't think you should charge to get your support.
I think the people who actually love you, they're gonna pay that three hundred and thirty three dollars. So maybe that's even a way to wean out people who really what if they don't come in to eat, What.
If they don't have three hundred and thirty then.
You shouldn't in the wedding. So you'll come to the.
That's the part. That's the part for me, because it's people that I love who may not have three hundred and thirty three dollars to throw up my occasion. They got kids, you know, they got responsibilities and three three three for me might not be in the budget, you know, so they can't come.
Well, yeah, maybe we'll have we'll have a difference, a separate celebration. But I think that there's nothing wrong with people providing their love loved one financial assistance when getting married. I think that it's a I think it's a great thing if we plan a whole year in advance.
You know what I'm saying.
I feel like y'all should have three hundred and thirty three dollars by next year. If not, we need to evaluate some other shit. You know what I'm saying, Like you got to reevaluate your whole life. If you can't say three hundred and thirty three dollars for your loved one.
Well, if I got four kids, all of them need something all the fucking time. I don't have no help. The three three three just ain't showing up right now. It's going to all kinds of shit.
They you just I don't I wouldn't feel like you don't love me, right, Yeah, I wouldn't feel like you don't love me right, But maybe you just you can't attend right now? People need to get more in the like you.
Nobody come for free. You can't make no exceptions.
What I'm saying, if I were to if a person, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't I wouldn't do this personally, right. But if a person decides to do something like this, yeah, that would mean you can't attend, and it's okay to miss out. On things you want. You shouldn't have fomo about it. This is just something you might have to miss out on.
People come, wedding is a lot of times are for other people.
You know what I'm saying.
A marriage costs as much as a marriage license.
So people are spending upwards twenty thirty forty fifty thousand dollars on a wedding for people. Half the people don't even your gift for real, So who's the celebration for? So help me celebrate?
I love.
Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with people asking for help. I don't even think it's help. I just think everybody should just contribute. I think it should just be a routine thing. I think it should just be the culture.
Well, bitch, let me tell you this. You have a wedding where you go charge me upwards of three hundred dollars.
You better tell me you.
Paid three hundred dollars for Beyonce tickets. You pay fifteen hundred for Beyonce tickets, So you mean to tell me you want to see Beyonce get We're rather probably fifteen hundred for this strange ass bitch and your best to get married, and you probably in the wedding too.
I might have paid for your dresses.
I had pp you should have got you.
That is terrible, man. You see what I'm saying, Like people have money for the things they want to have money for. Even a woman with four kids and no assistance, like she got a habit, she's supporting that she not spend three hundred and thirty three dollars on some weed, some wine something. If you love me, save the three hundred and thirty three dollars, man, and come to my wedding and show out with me.
Is there going to be a zoom link that.
That's gonna caught you do?
I'm charge ten dollars for the zoom link and the shit gonna cut off every forty five minutes because I've got no subscription. No man, But I understand. I understand both sides and things like, yeah, you can't pay for some shit you don't have, But I know that people find money for things they actually want to do, right, So it's just what you what you deem important, That's that's it. It's the same thing with destination weddings. If you can't get there like then you just won't be
at the wedding. I won't think you don't love me. You couldn't get there, so I might have a destination wedding and whoever could get there will be in attendance.
It's fine.
Yeah, yeah, So I know y'all saw over the weekend or last week Don Richard took the stand. Okay, she took the stand and the Diddy trial. I haven't actually done a deep dive on the most recent stuff in the in the in the in the hearings, I haven't, but anyway, I know she took the stand. And then also her ex boyfriend was on a podcast Q Mosley and he reportedly accused Don Richard of drugging him with a pill. So this was her boyfriend, I mean, excuse me, this was his girlfriend.
He trusted her.
They both took a pill to his recollection, recollection, the same pill. But apparently he was out of it, like he was incoherent, like he went down basically, and when he came to, he says that he was in the twins bed. So I don't know what what he's alluding to that could have possibly happened. Maybe that's just where they rested him at. I don't know what happened to him while he was unconscious. Yeah, and maybe he's just not speaking to it. He said, I've never drugged anyone,
nor have I ever given anyone pills to take. He mostly alleged that he experienced memory loss and trauma after taking a pill he believed was ecstasy given to him by Don Richard during a visit to to Diddy's Hampton's estate. He described feeling like a labrat in an experimental in an emotional experiment, and blamed for his lasting trauma, including
hallucinations and memory loss. And then she explained her silence on the matter as a way to protect Q and his family, emphasizing her intention to move forward with integrity and compassion. She said the relationship between it's it's said that the relationship between Don Richard and Qi Moseley began during their time of making the band four has now come under scrutiny as they navigate conflicting narratives about their past.
So she's denying that that even happened now.
He did say on that podcast episode that they both took a pill. Maybe he had an adverse effect to it, I don't know, or maybe he suggested that she gave him something else other than ecstasy, and then I wonder what happened to him?
Did he have did I was thinking that I just wasn't going to say it, dog, I.
Wasn't going to say it would make a difference.
Yeah, absolutely, So I want to know. I want to know more about what he experienced because if y'all all sitting there taking recreational drugs, you know what I'm saying. Like, the first time I did shrooms, I did it with my ex. I was cool, I had my headphones on, listening to meditation music. This nigga was clearly having a panic attack, Okay, Like I almost was like, damn, dude, do I need to call a paramedics because he just couldn't keep still, Like he just would lay down, he
would get up. He was pacing, pacing back and forth. He was visibly nervous. Right, we took the same thing, the same amount.
You ain't try to calm him down.
I did try, But like, what do you so, how do you call him somebody that you know when you take certain stimulants, you just have to wait for it to get out your system.
I thought some one person supposed to stay sober when.
You're doing shrooms. Shrooms the thing with shrooms is that your mind.
It depends on your mind, like right, your mental state, So obviously it exposed his mental state. That's probably how his mind feels on a daily basis, Like now I can see his subconscious mind running around the fucking room me. But I'll call him as hell because that's normally how I am. Mm hmmm, I don't know how. I mean, people, I don't think it's safe to If we're gonna do shrooms, how can one person just not do them? I'm gonna just sit and watch how it affects you. That don't make sense.
That's like if you a person just ain't getting hot today.
But we had planned all day to do shrooms together for the first time, Like that's really what happened.
Yeah, but don doesn't strike me as the type that would like intentionally hurt her boyfriend.
So yeah, maybe he just had an adverse effect to it.
But you never know. You never know who people is for real.
Mm mmm, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, But I don't know.
We're so like we got I think the trial is supposed to be like eight weeks long, like we're in week three now or week four where we at I think week three, So it's a lot more that's gonna come out with that trial. That particular situation isn't on trial, right, but I think he took it at you know, her testifying in that case. He took it as an opportunity to tell his truth and what he experienced during that time. And I mean, you can't discredit people, right, But there's
always two sides there every story. So I don't know, yeah that part, yeah, y'all, we come into an end with the sins. But I do want to mention that is a motherfucking Gemini season. I don't know if y'all knew or not. Okay, there's most of your favorite rappers, okay, are geminized. This is actually the United States of Gemini. Okay, because Trump is also a Gemini. And I appreciate it, y'all. I never realized how many people were actually geminized though.
It's like every year it's like new motherfucker's getting added on. Like, I don't know, did you see money Long? Shut up? Did you see money Long? Said? Uh? Well, she said the worst zodiac as a female Gemini. And when she said, I'm not explaining or I'm not arguing or whatever now, mind you. When I saw that, I immediately went to go see what her sign was. So money Long is a Virgo. You know, I fell out with a Virgo bestie this year, and we hadn't followed out over the past several months.
We had had plenty falling outs, right, But it is the stamina for bullshit, the Gemini possess that keeps relationships going even when people be violating us. So imagine a motherfucker Gemini getting to a point to where you can't violate me no more. So now it's fuck you, and now I'm the worst zodiac sign. She can't say men, She said the women geminis. I got a real problem with that. Virgo. My best friend from first grade is a Virgo, okay, and I love her down and we never had no issues for real.
Do you think potentially it could just be the person. Yeah?
Absolutely, But she didn't say that though she said basically fuck female geminis. Yes, I'm not saying she could not have possibly had a bad experience with a woman who happens to be a Gemini. Right, But once I saw that she was a Virgo, and I know how bossy and mean and possessive. Virgos can be Geminis you cannot control, So we're gonna always be the kryptonite for goddamn Virgo who's out of control.
Virgo women are nuts.
Like I, I believe in astrology a little bit, but I just don't believe that everybody. When you were born, this is your characteristics exclusively to you because you were born in January, you know, Well.
It's what the moon, the alignments and stuff like that, like the stars alignments particular times, because the time of your birthday also plays a role in.
It, right, because you you have your main.
Sign, which I'm Gemini, right, so Gemini's son, but I'm actually Virgo rising, right, so I.
Know what the fun I'm talking about when when it comes to these.
Virgos and Libra moon, So all that stuff also then plays a role in you know, people only pay attention to the sun sign most of the sign, but all that shit combination makes up who a person is, and it's just really a baseline. No, I'm never gonna treat anybody a particular way, like just based on their sign.
But he's people, I.
Know, yeah, I never he said he a Pisces.
That's how I am with Scorpio men and Aquarius man. I ain't even gonna lie to you. You know, I know Scorpio's gonna fuck the ship at you, but they're gonna have your ass po zessed. Okay, they're gonna they probably gonna.
Get you pregnant a lot of times.
All type of shit gonna be going on, Like you're gonna have to move from state to state to get away from the fucking Scorpio. And then Aquarius are very very They're a super intellectual beings.
What the motherfuckers this crazy? Like they are all so crazy. And then the men and women are also different.
But you know that I want to just speak to you right quick, right, so you can get off this topic. Uh, Geminis are not too faceted. Okay, Our attitude depends on.
You, that's what it is. We are very mutable, Okay.
It's like it's like sometimes it's like two people living inside.
It's actually more than two people, that's the thing, right, But we are usually a mirror of who we talking to, right, So that's one thing I work on as a Gemini. I work on not allowing other people to determine my emotions. And my feelings in a moment. I really am truly studying stoicism, right, so I don't give a fuck, Like I can't not let outside things determine how I feel and how I'm gonna respond and stuff like that. You know what I'm saying. Just just understand people dealing with
their own shit. But but Geminis like we however you come, we're coming back just like that. It's just like no real middle ground, right, So people might call that that's not really two face. It's like I'm responding to how I'm being treated.
Yeah, but I don't believe that all Geminis only respond to how they're being treated. Sometimes Geminis are assholes up front.
You know, some asshole geminis upfront. I was an asshole when we would be like for a very long time, it'd be other little it'd be other little things, just sprinkling writing that then changes like this question is your question?
There's no right answer.
If I had a knife to your back, right, sit the wrong thing.
She's never said or done anything.
Like don't tit and I won't tat.
That's Gemini, okay, But like I said, some of your favorite people a Gemini's Okay, Kanye west birthday is on June eighth, just like mine, and I love Kanye. I understand, Kanye, you know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't know. I don't know what to say.
What the fuck we talk about this week?
I don't know a child? Oh you know where we are?
Okay, what we're talking about this week when we come back from break? We are talking about because I gots some friends in some situations right now? Shit, me too, bitch.
Okay, let's be very clear.
Basically, you know, the pros and cons of acting like a wife without actually being a wife. Are there any pros to that? Are there any cons? Is it just one of the same if you're a girlfriend.
I don't know. That's what I want to talk about though.
All right, let's talk about it, because what makes you a wife? Just legal document?
That's the only thing, right, that part.
All right, we'll get into it when we get back. All right. What's going on with your friends? Tell a story, tell a stabusiness.
It ain't just friends all friends, right, it's just women in general. I think that I remember being in college, right and I've had some friends that any man that they were in a relationship with like they would be at this.
We talk to young people, young men.
Just at their house, like cleaning their house up, cleaning a nigga house and cooking at the man's house and shit like that. I know that people associate those little small characteristics, are those little small activities right with being a wife. But being a wife is so much more than cooking and cleaning. Right when you get into fixing a nigga life, which a lot of women do often, right, you become this man's secretary, just making his life better,
right without the commitment part. That's where you be fucking up at because you don't know if he's going to marry you. You just don't know.
So you're doing all these things and you don't know where you even stand with this man for real.
So all right, but ultimately all right, some of our goals, not all of us. But it's to be a wife at some point, Right, how do you want to be seen as someone who could be a wife if you don't start, you know, showing those characteristics beforehand, It's like, can you just like, oh, he asked me to marry him, so now I cut on these characteristics. Now I'm gonna start doing the thing.
Okay, I can give an example of my life. Okay, So when I was previously engaged, before we got engaged, we were starting a business together.
Ben smashing raw.
Okay, doing all of these things together only for him, you know, when I'm trying to hold him accountable for something, which I'm learning that you can't hold other people accountable for shit, like it's up to them.
Right.
So when I would try to hold him accountable for things that had transpired in our relationship, he would always say, well, we wasn't We wasn't together then, so in his mind he well, no, I know, this wasn't in his mind. This is a form of gaslight in me, right for me to feel like we weren't even in a relationship until he asked me to marry him. Imagine being with somebody and doing all these things right, and they don't
consider it like none of the two last two three years. Right, the moment he asked me to marry him is when he's now in a committed relationship. But we had been doing all the things prior to him asking me to marry him, and I would always question, like I would always ask him like what are we doing? Because I didn't feel comfortable like I wanted to do the busines says.
I wanted to do those things. And if he was somebody that I can still do business with today and not be in a relationship with, we could have been getting a bag, a major one, right. But I would always ask him, like, because I needed clarification. I needed to be comfortable doing these wifely things. I needed to be comfortable being your business partner if I knew it was going to lead to a lifetime of commitment, and that I knew it was going to lead to marriage.
But I think oftentimes women assume that because you're doing all these things with a man, that y'all are on the same page.
But how do you know, Like, you never really know if it's going to lead to marriage, whether you do the things or not.
But you do know when a man is being honest with you, right, when he's forthcoming with you, if you ask him, hey, what are we doing? I want to make sure I'm doing the right I want to be comfortable doing these things with you. If he wants to continue to fucking mind fuck you, he's not going to be honest, right. But if you with somebody who actually has your best interest at heart, who knows what he has in the future for you, who's calculating you into
his future. You know it won't You won't ever be confused about it. Right, So, if you're ever in a relationship and there's confusion, it's because somebody is intentionally creating that confusion because they don't want you to be at ease. So if you with somebody who never wants you to be relaxed and they always want you to be on edge, that's not the person for you.
No, I agree, But a nigga might not know like I feel like, or the woman might not be sure, Like you can be doing all these things with a person and still be unsure if you see them as your husband or wife. Right, Sometimes I feel like that takes time.
No, I was about to say absolutely, yeah, because things change right while you're in the thing with the person. Things do change right, and then you got to communicate that to the person you're with, Like, Hey, I'm not feeling like this anymore. I was at one point, right, But this is where I'm feeling like now, Like I don't see I don't see us having a kid together, I don't see us actually being married. I don't see
us owning a home together, right. I think women do a better job at communicating, like they're not interested in that way. Yeah, men want the milk from all the women like he would have you doing. It's like they really be building bitches. They got you doing this, this one doing that. And I think that's what I was experiencing too, Like he was used to having multiple women doing multiple things, and then when he locked in on me, he expected all of that from one me.
Mm hm, you better go get you a tea? Who's your tea?
Where's your fucking team?
Right?
So are you really building a relationship or are you just auditioning for a role that hasn't actually been offered?
But both, it's both.
But does wife does wifey behavior get you the ring? Or does it get you used booth?
Because think about it, it could go either way. It's a fucking crapshoot. Like you can be in there bacon cookies with your your apron on and got the house smelling like lemon and do it all the things and sucking deck and reading to the kids. His kids. Maybe they ain't even got to be your kids. Girl and a niggas still don't marry you, or you could be in the house and all you do you just know how to make a mean door dash. It can't and
a man marry you. It just there's no real rhyme or reason to any of this shit as far as I'm concerned, Like, there's just no And a man could like you could be the best bitch and he never marry you, never marry you. He could and then be in the interview talking about I didn't get married because I didn't want my mama to jous Marlon Waims.
My daddy used to use the excuse that he was still married to my mama to not marry.
A bitch, like divorce her.
Y'all been separated since I was eight, Like, get the divorce. My mama literally divorced him a month before he met she married my stepdaddy, like she women always got to do the paperwork, always women.
So women always do the paperwork.
Yeah, so let's I guess let's discuss then some behaviors that people might label as wifey like behaviors. So we mentioned cooking, like cooking full meals daily, living together. Is I just feel like now right now, I feel like until you get married y'all should sleep to each other house and shit, but y'all shouldn't.
Cohabitate before getting married.
I don't.
I feel like I really feel like that. I feel like it is tough.
It's tough, it's not fucking easy, and I don't know that it gets easier once you actually get married, right because or maybe hold on, see now, this is what the Gemini might be kicking it, and maybe you should because maybe you get into the thing living together, you realize this ain't my dad's husband.
That's what I'm saying. Sometimes it might be better to live with them to see if you can live with them.
Like, just go ahead and do the thing that's that that might look.
Maybe in my ideal marriage, my husband and I would have two separate homes with like a bridge between.
Not an in law sweet a husband's sweet him downstairs for real, Like we're in their basement. Like you better not come up from that basement, that's all I know.
You better used that back door.
So okay, so cooking full meals daily, I don't know how you get around that if you're living with somebody, like everybody gotta eat now. I do get tired to have to worry about a nigga's stomach because it's some days I don't eat. It's some days I just go to sleep. It's some days I eat cereal, I eat an apple or banana, Like some days I don't feel like a full meal every day. Right, So you got you gotta be with somebody who okay with that, not
cooking full meals every day. I don't have a kid yet, or.
Someone who can also cook. There's this couple on Instagram. I can't think of there anything. It's a black girl on her boyfriend's Asian. Oh.
Yes, he'd be throwing down, Yes, he'd be throwing it down.
You just sit down and eat.
I'm like, yeah, yes, that is the whole love language. I like to cook, and I do like people to cook for me and serve me too. Yeah, cleaning his home or doing his laundry, right, so y'all not living together and you're coming over, you're cleaning his house up, and you're doing the laundry.
I don't find it. I don't mind doing that.
You can't have an expectation, though, I think that women do it and with an expectation from the man, right commitment. So maybe we aren't being honest about why we're even doing the things.
Why do you feel a need to do that?
The times that I've cleaned a nigger house, but the times that I've actually cleaned another man's house is because I wanted to be comfortable when I come. Like, I'm making sure your bathroom clean because I like bathrooms. That's cleaning like a hotel bathroom. So yeah, I don't want to see no shit, run a toilet, none of that bullshit. So yeah, I'll clean a nigga house. Like I said before, I've bought sheets. I've bought comforters because I like nice linnens.
I want to get fucked on this nice ass bed, So yeah, I might buy you some new pillows and shit like that.
That's not necessary because I'm trying to be your wife.
I want to be comfortable. How he gonna another bitch, probably gonna get fucked on these stams. He probably gonna get more bitches because I bought him sheets.
It's about you, it's not even about the other person. He.
The men enjoy that too.
They don't even know what nice things are oftentimes until you.
So hard sleeping with a rock on a rock in a cardboard rock.
Like Why do you got this fucking fake ass polyestera satin? She's on this bed.
I'm slipping and sliding every time I move, like the she is coming off the mattress Like that feels uncomfortable. Play a player for the Himalaya sheets. Get that bullshit off. You might as well have alac man.
Why is she sticking to me?
It's not breathable. Why the fuck is this pillow so flat? Right?
Folding this bitch four times a napkin? First of all, because I got indigestion. Nigga, I'm dying here. Give me a bigger pillow.
Oh bitch? Giving money or emotional support during hard times? You helping him with his credit, You're helping him pay some ship off, You're doing job applications for him.
Well, what is a bitch supposed to do with a relationship if we're not doing none of this stuff?
You know, you need to know that that's your man first, that you.
How is the man gonna decide that he even want to be in a relationship with you if you not like pouring into him too in different ways? You gotta do You gotta be.
A man is not coming to your house to clean it now, what that man should be doing is cleaning your car, Yeah, putting some gas and that shit. Yet it has to be yes, it has to be reciprocal, right, So wifey shit is okay if he's doing husband things.
But I think women get mad, right because they're doing all these things to make this man know like I'm the one, pick me, pick me, pick me, and then they're disappointed at the end of the day and then you're talking shit about this basic bitching that none of that. All she brought was pussy to the table on the iPhone and he he married her.
Mm hmm.
Okay, Because men really don't like easy. They do like they are hunters, you know, they like to to have to find some shit. So if you're just putting everything on the table for him, how is he to like actually appreciate those things. Some men will, right, but there's a lot of men who are takers.
They'll just use your ass up.
They done did it to you and the last bitch, and they might got two of y'all doing all the things for their life. Right now, you just got to know who you're doing those things for, and it has.
To be reciprocated.
Prioritizing his needs before your own. I think that's easy. Women do that a lot, right, you calculating, you have all this self awareness, and you're calculating everything he needs. Not self awarenes, excuse me, all this emotional intelligence and you're calculating everything he needs and not even expressing what it is that you need.
I listen, I've been a victim of that behavior, like just even down to like I just always give the best to the other person, and I'll take left even like not just men. Even with friends in my house, like we order food, I'm going to give them the prettier one. I'm gonna give them the one with the most I'm gonna give them, you know, always always it's just subconscious, like subconsciously, I'm going to give you the better. I gotta stop doing that, though, because sometimes I deserve
the better one. My friends, she not like that. I come over and eat at her house, She's gonna look at it. You're gonna get the smallest one.
I do that too, not like I don't take the smaller one, like I want whatever I give somebody, or like I want it to be.
The better one for them. Yeah, me too, you know what I'm saying, Like I don't know what is.
That need to be balanced though, because you shouldn't always give the better one to someone else.
It depends on if I really really like it, Like, if it's something I really like, I'm gonna give you the smaller one, like don't motherfucking ask me about no damn these academian cookies.
I like the bigger one, And then I'm gonna resent you for heaving watching you have the bigger one, and I'm mad about it.
But I give a child you are so childish?
Yeah, yeah, I am.
You are childish.
That's something I gotta work on. I just think you have to display some wifely characteristics. If you want a man to see you as a wife. You can't just turn it on later because it might not be nothing to turn on later, because the nigga never saw you as a wife because you never behaved as one.
But do the men even know what a wife is supposed to be doing, because you know, some of these guys want a mom right going to his house. This is a grown man who lives on his own and you're coming over there cleaning his room.
And what's the difference between a mom and a wife Outside of.
Six mamas clean up after their sons all day long. I don't think that I should be in a relationship with another grown adult and they're not cleaning up behind themselves. I don't think that's a part of being a wife, or even a girlfriend, or even just with another adult.
You're talking about mother of a child.
These men a lot of times, some of them are fucking kids. They do stuff like kids, they do, And I don't think it's fair that that the onus is just always on a woman to take care of these things. You if I would wasn't here, or if you didn't have somebody to come clean your house up, wouldn't you be paying somebody cleaning up? And especially if we both working, You know what I'm saying, we both have things we are also responsible for outside of this relationship. Got it
gotta be like, we gotta help each other. We got this give and take.
It should be balanced. Yeah, twenty five, nobody's doing all the one role.
Yeah, so maybe some of these things have to be then outsourced. Right, So you've been cleaning your own house, I've been cleaning my own house. We finally get a house together, and you think that just because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to clean up everything and clean up after you.
No, yeah, clean up your space.
Sometimes niggas can't clean up that good because you, like a man will be like, yeah, I cleaned it, and then you go in there and be like, hell.
So are you talking to a man? Are you talking to a child?
No, it's still a man. Just because he's not strong a strong cleaner, that don't make him a man.
Yes, clean this until there's nothing there.
He might be strong in other areas, Like he's not a strong cleaner.
But a strong cleaner, you can carry.
All this shit the house with one hand, you know, Like he can cut the grass, and I don't have to tell him. He can put gas in the car. He do it every day. My gas they feel. But when it comes to cleaning that tub, he'll try, but he ain't gonna do that good.
And I'm gonna be fucking mad anyway, because I know how to put gas.
I had to cut the grass.
I knew.
I do all the things. I'm clean.
I mean the fuck out of this thing.
But you don't have to. You know, you don't have to there to do it.
I need you.
I need capable people in life.
You've got to recognize people's strong suit and play to that.
You know.
Yeah. Uh.
Being sexually available on demand.
On demand, it's crazy.
I feel like when you're living with somebody, like, it's just different. When y'all live apart, y'all want to fuck each other all the time. Now, when a dick is available to pussy's available every day, do you really want that ship every day? I am so tired of the shrimp. Where is the beef? Where is the chicken pasta?
Listen? I can't think of one thing in the world outside of money that I want every day, you know, yeah?
And I think also a mistake that women make having pussy on demand. For men, you can't get him to do anything you need him to do once. You don't drain his balls all day, and you're giving him this reward every day without actually producing anything. So even a husband wives, No, you can't fuck them every day.
You can't.
They're not gonna do anything they supposed to do, anything they said they're gonna do. You can't give them pussy every day they have to.
That's like that's like a reward, right.
I know, pussy is supposedly so plentiful and everywhere, but everybody don't got this pussy. If he married you, he wants that pussy in particular. Okay, so you're just making that pussy available all the time. He gonna get tired of it and he's gonna be trying to find another pussy. And then that don't mean he don't love that pussy. But it's like, shit, yeah, I got that one in the bags, in the bag. No, you gotta, yeah, you gotta.
You gotta give it out spearingly. I'm not telling you not to have sex which with your significant other, you know, because if you don't, definitely somebody else gonna be fucking them. But I just you know the person sometimes, yes, I do you know women are in heat, like what twice a month. Maybe we might be in heat around the ovulation in the week after the period. Yeah, maybe that might be the best time to tap me on my shoulder to am. But other than that shoulder, yeah, like
I'm ready when you're ready. Basically, it's going down whenever you want it. But yeah, I don't think you should be just having said especially if you're not if you're not married to this man. I know you want to have sex too, but you have to practice a little bit of a little bit of discipline. You don't want him to get tired of it or used to it.
Is there any way to combat that? There's no way you can ration that pussy as much as you want. Eventually he's gonna get used to that pussy in life. Why you know you're gonna get used to this penis It's just no way to like avoid that, especially if you're living together.
I guess you gotta, I don't know, find new new things other than sex that makes you happy.
About this person, A new nigga on the side that sparts it up.
You know, I know, I feel like that's that's that's a whole episode, Like how side bitches actually strengthen marriages. Our size bitch, our side bitch is necessary. Have we done that before?
I don't know, know we did? Who? Who? Who?
Yeah? Our side bitch is necessary because here's the thing.
I think they're gonna be necessary for my relationship. I already know after like, I need you girl five to seven years. Please get this nigga.
But you know, okay, remember I texted you that day. I was like, yo, I think this is how holes are created, right, That feeling when you first meet like the first time sex feeling, like the intimacy that builds up before you actually have sex, and hanging out, the holding hands and kissing, the rubbing up all at the lust, Right, how do you keep that going in a relationship you're already in. It's damnar impossible yet, so in order to have that lust full feeling, I mean, people confuse it
with love, but it is lust. If y'all haven't gott no like it, this is real life sexual tension.
How do you keep that going with the same person?
Like? You have to have it with a new person every time, you know what I'm saying. It has to be somebody else every time, because you you've already experienced it. You already had that thing with this person. And it could be that you had it, you know, for a whole month, two months, it lasted three months, it might have lasted a year. But it's gonna die off initially, I mean, eventually it's gonna die off. That the butterflies.
And that's why I think it's important to pick a person that you love outside of sex, because that she gonna get mundane eventually. I don't give a fuck what y'all say is gonna.
Get but not even the sex, the intimacy, you know what I'm saying, Like, I like to have sex, but I also just like to be rubbed up and booty touched and stuff like that. And then once I'm tired of you, I might not even like you rubbing my butt. I don't want you even touching me for real. So how do you keep that going with the same person forever?
I don't know. I don't even know if he's supposed to at this point.
That's why I say that's how holes are created, because we're always trying to duplicate that feeling, and I think you only get that feeling from somebody new or.
In the beginning.
Yeah, Okay, I don't know.
Could you be in an open situation.
Yes, But I don't think that that that black men, majority of black men can't deal with that.
Yeah, I think I know too, I ain't. The only reason I think that is because I've been single so long now that it's gonna be hard to like. So I just got to deal with him. That's say. It just him, that's crazy, not not even like sexually. I just enjoy this.
Just emotional, yeah, just talking learning, Like how do you learn more new things if you're only experiencing the same person all the time, right, And I'm not just talking about sex, like just knowing things that other people know, like learning from other people.
Like I like new jokes, because telling new jokes, your jokes are the same. So I'm open to that, honestly.
Yeah, I am too. At this age, I am. I just want to be honest with whoever I'm with. I want to be honest about exactly who I am and exactly what my desires are without being judged. No, absolutely not. I'm not even saying I want to have sex with a new person every fucking month and no ship like that. I just don't want it to be the option to be closed off because men don't close those options off. They just don't tell you the truth, you know. I think a lot of times women we be closing shit
off because we have a little bit more discipline. I ain't gonna say all these bitches now, motherfuckers be out here, rabbit, but yeah, I think we got a little bit more disciplined than men in that department. But why do we have to so some of those things, like doing those those wifely things that we named. You know, it helped may help like build intimacy right between you and your partner,
whoever it is that you're choosing to be with. You know each other's like living habits and their emotional needs and things like that. So maybe doing some of those things are just a part of being in a relationship with somebody. I don't think none of it should be done excessively though. Right all the time to where he's expecting you to now come clean his house, he's not cleaning up behind himself because he know you will. That's when it becomes like you're abusing this love and then
the women start developing. Yeah, yeah, I know.
My ex nigga used to I had him so spoiled. He'd be like drinking beer on Sunday watching football. And this shit sticks with me because it pissed off.
You say it too, I know exactly what you're about to say.
Him holding that motherfucking beer bottle up, it's just shaking it in the air. Does he at least say bay bay and then shake the bottle in the air.
Bringing him another beer? And what did he ever do to deserve that treatment?
He was a.
Good nigga or man, God damn.
Same thing. He wasn't. He wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Neither was I. But he took care of me. I mean I didn't have to. I ain't have to want for nothing for real, Like, but don't don't I still feel like, open your mouth because I'm up. I'm gonna serve you. I don't mind serving you, but don't don't treat me like a servant.
Right, yeah, yeah, And I think that sometimes, like because because we're in a patriarchal society, sometimes men, you know, want to reduce women to these things, and now we're so much We've always been so much more right, but we get to express it way more nowadays, you know, within the last I don't know, fifty years or so, I guess, I don't know. I think just just setting standards for like mutual effort. You should not be doing more than he's willing to do for you, right that way, you won't.
Have shake it in the air, like put money in it, babe, just take my person in the air, I have to ask, you know.
So, So here are some of the cons right when you're doing wifey things without being a wife or not being in a committed relationship, sometimes there is a lack of clarity. You're doing all the work without any title, legal security, or mutual commitment, so you're basically playing wifey
without any real progression in the relationship. So people you know often say, well, what's the benefit of being married, Like, yeah, yes, you are signing paperwork right under the law, because you really can be married to somebody under the eyes of God today or tomorrow. Technically, in the Bible, if we've had sex without a condom, you my man, I'm your wife, like it is what it is.
So how many how many husbands you got?
Bitch zero, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
A bite, I've been married a few times in life based on the Bible. Okay, yeah, because you are you when you have, especially with somebody without a condom and stuff like that, man, you're.
Sharing their DNA, Like when you're.
Trying to figure out, like why you just got all this mental instability, it's probably because you go led to me people in that pussy without a condom on it, right, So you just sharing all all his energy them STDs them sexually transmitted to demons like yeah, and now you're just feeling confused. So y'all could be super sexually liberated if you want to, but it comes with a lot of consequences.
Okay.
Another con can be emotional exhaustion. Given more than your receiving can lead to resentment and burnout. We said that, right, So you do did all the shit in the girlfriend's stage. By the time you get to be a wife, you're like, man, I'm sick of this nigga, I am so sick of him.
Or then you be like, and then he'd be like, you changed soon as we got married, you.
Changed, right, and usually it we do change, right. The man actually been the same the whole time. He'd been not doing nothing. Now you mad because you're tired of having to do everything.
Mm hm.
So if you if you're not doing it because you actually enjoy it and you actually love this person and like this is this is your love language, like showing up in this way for someone, don't do it.
You will experience burnout. You will be resentful.
In the in the in the relationship or in the marriage. You're gonna you're gonna be getting mad. It says an unsustainable precedent. It says, it says, uh, he may expect that level of care without giving anything back may delay or eliminate his his urgency to commit. So you know that trope like why by the cow when the milk is free? Yeah, okay, so that's that's a thing. I feel like women need to. There are a lot of I don't want to even call them selfish women because
maybe that's the cheak code. I always say.
Men like mean women because they mamas be fucking mean.
So women, what women? Men? A lot of men are literally sons of bitches. So you coming in here being nice and sweet. He can't even believe a bitch could be like this and really mean it. He can't even be even like, oh my god, Like he doesn't even believe you're this sweet.
Imagine that.
So he ends up with somebody who's treating him like shit because that's really what he's used to, because he's not healed.
Not most men. You feel like that's most men.
Man, you haven't been with something well, I won't say most men, but the relationships I've been in, it's like, I never want to be with anybody that I can easily disrespect. But as to that point of being disrespectful, it seems like their ears and eyes open up like they all of a sudden are like, oh, they understand me, they get me.
So when I was talking regularly, got fuck in there.
So let's impact that. Why do you think that you are attracting this same characteristic.
Because I'm very nurturing, Like I said, they sons of bitches, right I am?
I am?
I am very nurturing in a relationship until I'm not right, So I think that's what the initial attraction is.
So I attrack these people who.
Are kind of not needy, but maybe they have like fucked up relationships with their moms.
And here I am being a mama.
So mommy niggas, my nigga call.
Me mama the fuck and I'd be like, I'm not your mom.
So what do you think we could do moving forward to not invite that same energy?
You gotta be like you, You gotta be kind of selfish, right, You can't expose all.
You can't even listen.
If you know how to give a super duper cock cock four thousand, you're only giving him one thousand until you get the ring, and you don't show him the four thousand until the night of the wedding. Like, we gotta hold some things back. We can't give all of ourselves when we get in relationships with men, we can't let them know how spectacul we really are. You can give them like you can let them know, but like spearingly, every once in a while, I'm gonna show this nigga
how amazing I am. There's too many rules, as not too many rules, because you don't want to end up doing these things.
I guess the discernment.
Part comes in, right, no, know your personnel, know who it is that you're doing these things for. Okay, if there's no confusion, he's treating like a queen all those things. I'm gonna do all those things regardless. All of that is happen is happening regardless. But then you know, matter of fact, I'll do listen to reverse of this. I was dating a guy and I sent him this post on Instagram because he did all the boyfriend things but didn't want the commitment. And he was like, that's just
how I am. Like I don't know how to be no other way. But when it comes to like, okay, what were we doing? Like I want to be married, I want to have a baby, Like, what's up in mind?
You?
He already had two kids, right, So I would be like, you're gonna end up with a woman who already at our age, whoever you do decide to marry, if you actually ever want to be married, that person will already have kids. Why not marry me and let's just have a kid together, and like, let this be the kid you actually like, are with the mom because you got two baby mamas. So he didn't want, No, he didn't, don't.
I really don't believe he wants the responsibility of additional children, right, But if you get in a relationship with somebody who has kids, you're responsible for that woman and those kids anyway, right, So pick either pick a household of one of these women that you've had a child with, Pick one of those households, or actually build a strong, real foundation with
somebody else. And maybe it's my fault for even fucking with a man who has kids, but dog, it's real hard to find anybody right now who does not have any kids. Like, as much as men like to look at women's sideways for not having kids and being a certain age, when you get with these men who don't have kids and who haven't been like in a committed relationship in a long time, you kind of see why Nigga might be socially awkward and weird stuff be going on.
Why he hasn't been picked either. Men just have a lot of options why we don't get picked.
I remember I was talking to this basketball player, right lit basketball player, and we were at my house and he was sitting on a bar stool and I came up to him and I was like hogging him and he looks up. He just was awkward. All right, he is like come to banner. It was awkward. And then so I was like, all right, I'm gonna walk away and go sit down. And when I turned to walk away, he literally tackled me onto the automan. It was so bizarre.
I was like, get off. Some people would just be weird and awkward and just having social cues and social skills and bruh, you can go to doc by two thousand. Why would you do that? I was just in your face, like.
Why are you horse playing with a woman?
I'm talking my heart down And he's a big, tall ass, grown as man, and he literally tackled me. What the get out? Now?
You see if there be real weirdos, I do want to study that though.
I want to you said, is not a thing.
But there has to be a study out there as to why women choose men who already got children. It has to be something that we subconsciously think that this person like. We don't, it's not on the forefront of our minds, right, But he's attractive for some reason, and it's maybe because he can produce. There is clear indication that he's a producer. It's more on an animalistic level, not really human, right, because human like I won't even say that, because a lot of these niggas are in
cells right involuntarily celibate. And if we were in the wild, women would always stole choose the man who can produce like and who could take care of her in her offspring.
Is that is what our job is, to pick the best.
Suitor, right, So it'd be a lot of men that would die never having had ever had sex if we were actually in the wild and picking mates like we're supposed to.
Dying.
Can't got kids all over the place. And guess what the women hunt and gather. People be thinking that the man be hunting together. No, it's the women, the lion, the female lion that does it. He just be rested and whatever, it's time to fight, he coming to fight. He's the protector. Everything else the women does, the woman does. And that's really how it is in our society. We just hate it. We just don't like it.
Yeah, it's the same shit, Yeah, exact same shit.
So we keep asiding these roles to masculinity that just may not be their role.
You know why Cleaning the bathroom.
Kide, Okay, give me the money because I don't want to do it either.
I don't want to clean somebody else's dirt. I hate it. I will clean little people dirt, but big people dirt is different.
Your partner, Yes, I don't like it. You literally will take this person in your mouth.
I barely like that you're talking about. You know me, You do know me the right, you know. I barely like that.
But you'll do it, you know, so clean that bathroom?
Yeah, I think. Let's just the takeaways from this. Right, It is okay to do those things if that's who you truly are. Now, if you're doing it with an arterial art, oh my god, I cannot talkterial motive. Right, You're wanting something else, may be commitment hand in marriage, like if you're doing it for anything, any reason other than this is what you like to do your your you. This is one of your love languages. Right, This is how you show up for people. It just comes natural
to you. But if you're doing it for any other reason, you actually weren't being deceitful. Right. And then women, you say it's a burnout by the time you get the marriage. But did you only do those things to get married? And now you're like, that's not really me haha.
I think some people feel it like it's an obligation, like this is a part of this is my contribution. Do I like doing it? No, but this is how I contribute to this thing that I'm in. Right.
Yeah, I remember the same guy who bathroom I would clean and stuff because I wanted to be comfortable. I remember visiting him again like when we you know, wasn't fucking around, and I'm.
Like, who are you fucking with? Because why is she old?
Like I know, there's what kind of women are you fucking with that allowed us bathroom look like? Because the shit was looking like it had never been cleaned since the last time I cleaned it. So what type of woman are you dealing with that allows this?
Right? That's gonna lay up in here and use this nasty bathroom.
Yes, like what is happening? So yeah, I And then it's about upbringing a lot of people that saw the bathroom was as a kid. You know what I'm saying, They were probably raised by people who didn't. Don't think that's Germany. I'm a germophobe. Like I just be like, my pussy is open, it's like an open wound. Stuff's gonna get in there.
You got a wide set vagina, dr shut.
Up your pussy open too, like it's a it's flesh, it's not closed like a penis.
So you want to eat this koochie off of this dirty toilet?
Okay? So I don't know, but be clear about your relationship goals and how much you're willing to invest upfront. Right, So that's the first thing you gotta do to set the boundaries essentially, and ask a lot of questions, are we building towards towards me marriage.
Or we're just vibing what we doing?
And usually if the man if yeah, absolutely, but usually if the man is at this age shah girl, first date, ask all the questions and if he's not for you, if you just too much for him. Then you'll get rid of him early before you even use your gucci up.
Okay, he ain't for you.
But I'd be feeling like some of the questions, like you gotta just gradually ask him, because sometimes if you ask too many questions on the first day, it becomes like an interview.
And but y'all both supposed to be asking questions. It's nothing he need to know about you.
No motherfucker get these jokes.
See, Look, you know what I'm saying there. You have a lot of nuance. There's a lot of things about you that somebody may or may not like.
So we should we both parties should.
Be exchanging information. You should be getting to know each other in those first couple dates.
Right.
But when you go straight to fucking and not dating, you know, you gotta know that's the relationship dynamic at that point, right, Okay, And it says signs that it might be toxic one sided work plans, love.
Dating your peers, and they think I'm supposed to be fucking as fast as y'all, and I don't appreciate it because I'm.
Not no more. Because there was a time in life it wasn't for it was for me, Like I really wasn't even thinking about the man in that point, Like that was me being selfish. I wanted to fuck. That's why I like hauling that man, because you get exactly who you want and what you want. I don't be waiting for nobody to try to talk to me. If I like you, I'm trying to hauler at your ass first.
Me too, so you get what you want.
The fuck you're sitting there waiting for a man to haller at you if you want to, You're gonna keep getting toads because they like you, get you a man and you like.
Anyway. Yeah, I don't know.
To each his own right, I am guilty of doing wifely things, but it would probably be in a dynamic where I'm living with a man, right, I'm not going to somebody else's house on a regular basis and cleaning the shit up the times that I have had to do that because usually I date pretty clean men like I'm that's I am.
Actually I had to.
Go revise my whole, you know, my manifestation for a man thing, right, because I need somebody who takes as many showers as I do. I need someone like who puts shit up when they're done with it, you know, like, yeah, I recognize that.
You sure you don't want you a bitch?
No, because I've dated men. My daddy's like that, and I have dated some men. They probably had a little other little shit I was sick of. But I definitely have dating men who keep their house in pristine order.
And I was.
It was a joy in being over there rubbing my motherfucking feet together underneath them clean sheets. Yes, I have right, but you ain't gonna always get what you want. But cleanliness is like real high on the top of my list, real real high.
Yeah that's fair. I don't want no nasty nigga, but if it's my nigga, I'll make sure the house is clean. Don't be the nigga who like your shirt on the floor next to the laundry basket that pisses me off. Just put it in there. It's right there. But it ain't got to be perfect. You ain't got to be perfect. Longest, are my flaws balance your flaws? Like what I'm lacking, you providing what you're lacking. I'm providing. I'm okay with it.
Yeah, nigga told me i'd be having weave at the floorboard. You know what I do.
I make sure there's no weave at the floorboard, so that couldn't be a complaint anymore. And he was only using that as an example because I was complaining about some shit he was doing.
Right, He was like, I don't be complaining about your weed.
Got it up.
Guess what. Let me make sure that's never a complain because you only gotta tell me one time.
Mm hm.
As an adult, you only have to tell me something bothers you one time. I'm gonna try my hardest to never have to let you critique me in that way again. I'm gonna fix it, but I feel like if I gotta keeping something, I'm gonna.
Pop you.
Like a child.
I'm gonna pop you like a baby. You're not fucking listening.
And I only expect to repeat myself to fucking kids anyway. Y'all keep doing y'all wifely shit.
I mean, if that's what you think you gotta do to get the ring, I'm here to tell you that ship don't fucking work. You gonna be mad, okay, be a bitch.
No do the wifely thing mean? You know how they say don't dress for the job. You have, dress for the job you want. That's what you gotta do. Man.
I think you should just be the person you want, right, so focus on that first.
That's what I mean you want.
Yeah, anyway, y'all go ahead to y'all things. Whatever the fuck y'all feel like doing your relationships. That's your business. But don't be mad if you don't get the outcome you're looking for. So so y'all enjoyed this episode. Y'all tune in every Thursday in the Black Effect. I heeart Radio app wherever the fuck you get your podcast at?
Tell me over here producing wrap it out.
Bitch, wrap it up.
Bitch. You said that three times. Y'all don it every Thursday and the Black Effect. I heard Radio Apple, Where the fuck you get your podcast at? This your co host Aja Holiday two point on Instagram.
Skick of Tam y'all's official Tam Bama on Instagram. Y'all follow me now. We are still looking for interns. If you're interested, We need some more. We need a gang of y'all, So y'all send us your your resumes to we talk back E and T at gmail dot com. We are looking for you, and we welcome you. Hmm. If you got what it takes, remember speak.
Now and hold the motherfucking wifely duties until you actually know it's your husband in front of you, Until you know that's your husband.
Hold hold on a little bit, Just hold on a little bit.
Do some of that ship.
Bye y'all.