Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network Talk Talk.
So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks.
What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to you dreamers and chasers. What's up, y'all? It's the co host aj Holiday.
What's Up tam BM y'all ISSU official Team Van. I love y'all. I love you aj D, I.
Love you too.
Well. No, no, before we get into anything, we were supposed to say what we were thankful?
Oh a great Yeah, gratitude for the whole month and.
Live we lied to y'all, were sorry, we would feel grateful. We just didn't talk about it.
We don't be following through with shiit man. We're gonna do better for twenty twenty five. I'm grateful. Damn. I can'me is I mean, I can't say that we might. I don't know we're gonna make it a twenty twenty five, but you never fucking know. Anyway. Let's see, I am grateful that I woke up this morning. Okay, but the grace of God got up. I did my little workout, and I got to meet with my coworkers Tammy and our producers. Yeah, I'm grateful for you guys today.
That yeah, warm and busby inside. Let's see what am I grateful for. I'm grateful that I can walk on two feet. Yeah, you know some people can't. I'm real quick. It's like it's still broken, but I still can walk for real. Yeah, damn, it's not.
All the way we find another sound?
What is more hell than it was the last time I went, and less hell than I will it will be when I go back again. Okay, So yeah, I'm grateful that I can walk. They said I can walk. Just do everything based on how it feels at this point. So I went to the gym for the first time since I.
Was pulished because weekend.
Fine, yes, we're getting fined five. I got to spend time with my sisters over the weekend. Again that it was good. So I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful for this show. And I'm grateful for y'all going to download the show. Download our show. Don't just go click find it every week, download it because that's how we get paid down subscride.
How'd we Oh, I did do something this weekend. My mom's baby brothers celebrated his seventieth birthday, so I was hanging out with the season. The season folks. This weekend. My cousins his kids put together a very very nice birthday party for their daddy.
So I did that on Saturday. Was nice quick, you know, once the food got put up. The old people's out the back door, six to eight. It was great.
That's about sixty nine. My mama had a good time. She was dancing with that big bunkie. Okay, it was good. Tips stupid, that sounds like a good time.
My sister drove back in from Montgomery for me to do her hair. She drove all the way here for her hair.
Uh.
And then we just hung out eight watch TV the usual. That's all this weekend. It's a money we can. You know, everybody want their hair done. So I was just working and busy. I didn't do any I was ugly. Oh yeah, I went and got my lips like you know, like so I have I have partaken and a lot of marijuana usage over mind. Oh like pigmented, yeah, so I want to got like the lip lightning, the hyper pigmentation thing.
I went and got that done on Thursday. So by Saturday my lips was peeling so bad it looked gross. So I wasn't going nowhere. I wasn't doing I didn't want nobody to see me because like the top layer peels off. But yeah, I mean, if you have any hyper pigmentation, don't have to be from how I got mine. You know it could be. However, you know that's a good option for you. And my lips have actually light. And I've done it once. You gotta do it at least twice, so this is my second time. But I'm
gonna tell you all this, that shit hurt. That shit does not feel nice. It is not a fun experience, but it does like your lips. So we'll see how mine turns out.
I like my lips dark, like not dark, but like I have like a natural like liner like it. I like it pigmented, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, so you want like big pink lips.
No, they're not gonna be pink. They just not gonna be black, baby.
But I don't. My lip's always been like dark though.
Yeah, mine too. I just didn't like it. I wanted it a little like I wanted like the outside of my lip to be like as the inside, So we're gonna see if it worked. You know, it did, Like I could see a difference from the first time to the second, Like, but now we're going to see now because she added pink this time, So we're gonna see. But it takes weeks, like so the skin peels off and then it goes back to the color it was,
and then after weeks the pink pushes forward. I don't know how it worked, but that's what they say.
So they add color to your lips.
Mm hmm. It's kind of it's like the same needle that they used to do microblading on the eye ground, but they used pink instead of So the first time she did it, she used like almost like an orange color that neutralized the darkness in my lip, and then that made it a little lighter, and it worked. I saw the difference. And then this time she went in with a pinker color to bring the pink that much it's like the inside of my lip. So we won't
see how that. Yeah, Saturday, I was not going nowhere because my little my mom was like, what's wrong with your damn mouth?
That he was trying to say something to you, what's going on with the doctor.
To the hospital about that? But yeah, that was my weekend. Let's get in a sense.
What I got a lot of talking about that. God damn can't leave cam. Don't really get them. I goddamn nerves. Okay, I think, but.
HU go viral every time he does an episode.
Of his Little No really honestly he does.
So that means I'm not mad at that, you know, so.
This week and which I think is true. I mean, I commented on the post when I saw it is definitely one hundred percent facts. He basically said that he goes to the strip club for the guys, and everybody was like, pause, like what I think every Yeah, everybody does that. So he's saying that he goes to the strip club basically the money, and I think all men do it. They're not gonna say that they're in competition, but it's definitely a complay.
It is a competition. Why would they throw why else? Because y'all ask so fat and y'all look so good shaking it that they know, right.
You could throw the most money. The DJ is promoting it all the things.
Right, it's nothing but peacocking, that's all it is. So, I mean, and they all do it, and that's a part of the allure of the strip club for men, not just the women. It is to a testosterone battle of who's got the biggest.
Bag, exactly right, So that's it.
He ain't lying. Yeah, I just like, like a lot of people want a reason to be mad at Cam Newton, you know, because they just don't like the things he said in the past. So anything that he says is true or right, they be like, Nigga, you don't fucking know, shut up, nobody hat talking.
Yeah, I definitely don't think it's gay. I definitely understand what he's saying. And I feel like when okay, we know we're gonna look good, right, we get dressed for men, and we also get dressed for other women.
Right, we do It's the same thing we do. We all do it. Animals do it. Humans. I mean, we're essentially animals too. So I'm not mad at what he said. What else happened in the world? Oh what about those drones?
What about those drones? Just nice as casual? Are they fucking drones? Or is the aliens coming?
I don't know. I mean It could be either or it could be a combination of both.
Because the US government acting like they don't know what it is, I just don't understand, Like how y'all know everything else?
Right, So what happened? It was like drones over.
Maryland, Jersey, like different places, and people are saying, like these things are as big as SUVs in the sky. So we talking about like like a real space shuttle looking thing up in the sky. And I saw a video where one was actually I don't know if it's shot down, but it crashed. And they're also saying that the ships are manned. So I remember was that last year where China had like a drone over America? Like yeah, yeah, right, that was not a US craft. So I just don't
believe that they don't know what this is. May it be a foreign entity doing it, Aliens okay, or the US military. They absolutely know what it is. So I just I just hate that. I thought we were moving from like the government not disclosing the truth. I thought that like this is the age of a query, but there are still powers that be that want to keep you dumb. Okay, they definitely know what the fuck it is. Is it Aliens I don't think so. I think that.
I mean, I think alien's already been around. I'm aliena But I don't know if any of y'all have ever read Behold of Pale Horse by William Cooper. He was a CIA agent that the government killed basically, but in this book he talks about how the government actually have these these thrones, these spaceships that they created, right, and then they'll deploy them to you know, do like a false flag like make to make the people think it's an alien attack, when really it's the government attacking its
own people. So it's conspiracy theory, right, But there's a lot of those theories always getting proven true. So we'll see what come out of it. I mean, I'm not scared of no damn aliens.
We neither. I just hope they bring some new recipes. I'm tired of eat the shit, Like, ain't you tired?
Yes? I am tired of thinking about what I'm eating. Yeah, man, I'll be eating shit. I had a muffin last night for dinner.
Bring us a new meat. Were tired of this week?
We the meat? We might be the meat for the aliens? You said right there, to eating people.
They I got a good hemp halk.
So I don't know, but if the aliens, y'all hit me up, come pick.
Me up earth this ghetto.
I've been waiting on y'all my whole life. One of my homegirls we reconnected like a couple of years ago now, but she was like you remember when we was in middle school, used to always say, how you ain't human? My whole life I have felt this week.
You think your family coming to scoop you up.
I'm from Series B for sure.
M hmm. Ain't at a radio station.
I hate you begs going on.
Bit just pay for that in her car?
Not no damn Series XM radio. Series B is the it's the galaxy, it's another some ship out of it. And I don't believe that out of space is above us. I believe out of space is beneath the I believe it's all around us, to left of us, to ride of us. Yeah, as above.
So ain't no where y'all. Can't y'all trying to tell me a well, ain't an alien?
That's a I had the weirdest dream last night that I was swimming What the black and white those are?
Orcres? I was, what is it?
Orca orcas.
I was swimming with orcas and it was cold, like antarctic, damn near and these crazy eys waves kept coming like like took me way up in the sky and way down and I just kept coming up like breathing. But I'm swimming with these niggas.
You I have fried okra, so we up.
That was the weirdest. I'm like, what the And I wasn't drowning or nothing like that. I was just really it was. It wasn't just me. It was like this is normal, Like we swim with fucking whales and shit.
Yeah, that's an alien, especially once that little fish that got the light on the head, that's an alien.
Yeah, so much at the ocean that they haven't explored, you know what I'm saying. You can't even go. And I remember that that submarine that imploded submersial, Yeah, like it was last year and the year before last. Like they I don't think that they actually died. I don't think it imploded at all. I think that they slipped into a wormhole into another universe is what I think happened.
And nobody talks about these people who went out to space a couple of months ago and still haven't been able to get back home.
Oh they're not home yet. Hell no, what are.
You introspect intercept? It's a movie. I think it's called It's Interest something.
I have to look it up, but it talks about this that this guy went out of space and like time is just different. The time is different, Like you feel like you've only been out there for a little bit, but really it's been twenty years back at home that you haven't been in this.
Your body age, no, his.
His body did an age in these and the other universe. So it's something with Saturn. I got a whole like little rabbit hole with Saturn and all that. Yeah, but it's something with the rings of Saturn and all this stuff. But yeah, anyway, what else we got going on? A child in the world to day with the crazy people.
So if y'all saw this over the weekend, Ari and Tina, is that right.
Child?
Hey girl?
They were partying together at Player in Miami, and people had a lot to say about it because they felt like they shouldn't be cool or something.
They have to be cool, they got their kids are simple, They are essentially family. Yeah, so for things to be smooth like they knocking to never not be family because their children are related, so it's the it's best for the both of them, right, the PUDs aside, but their differences in side.
I don't understand people why y'all want them to not be amicable when they're a family. Like it's twenty twenty four, families are blended Oftentimes.
I think the internet just like to see people beef, you know, like it's just not a good place.
I can never. Yes, you could, that's yeah, because you and you should. That's your problem now.
Yeah, yeah, because you still love your baby daddy. That's why you can never.
Exactly.
Yeah, you want your low family back, That's why you can never.
But I think, I honestly do think that they both can get along because neither one of them are with him.
Now, you know, is she not with him either?
Tell him?
I don't take.
They're together whatever? Oh, y'all correct me if I'm wrong. But are they together still? Because I think they're all broke.
Up, so they're just hanging out, that's all.
Neo baby mama, Neo baby's baby mama's hanging out too. Yeah, started something. Let's all let's all be friends. Shit, we got.
Kids, it's easier, you know what I'm saying, It's so much easier. It's a whole village. Child. I'm gonna take care of your kid this weekend. You get a day off next weekend, Like why why not?
Right?
Because they siblings and they need to grow up together if they can.
I just never ended understand bitches who act like they just like like their kids so much. Like you haven't seen somebody who just won't let the man get the child, like just fighting them every bit of the way. Like you don't like that kid that much? Just send that kid to his daddy house this fucking weekend, bitch, like you do not. My exes his baby, his baby mama like one of his kids mom, like she was just make it such a big problem, Like you can't possibly
want the little boy around you all the time? Sent us us over here.
Well, sometimes it ain't. Some people house don't be safe. You know, you just gotta be You know who your baby dad is, you know, so if you trust them with your kids, because I've seen where that has gone terribly wrong by sending your baby to they daddy.
I think that did you see that? It's a post it's this white guy like some type of therapist. But he's having a conversation with another guy and he's saying, like, how basically moms, some moms, right, A narcissistic parent will create these scenarios, right, So the healthy mom will be like, did you have fun at your dad's house this weekend? Okay?
What did y'all do? Y'ah?
Pizza? Oh great, that's so good. Like, okay, go upstairs and we can do such and such. The other mom, the unhealthy mom, is like making the kid feel like going to a daddy's house is just the worst, Like, what did you do at dad's house this weekend? Y'all went to the park? Oh my god, it's so cold to us out, Like why would you take you to the park. What did you eat? You had just pizza? Like, okay, go upstairs on make your favorite soup. You know, so
you alienating the other parent. I feel like a lot of women do that. They may not like talk about the other parent upfront, but in that way they do.
And sometimes it's subconscious they don't even realize they're doing it. Because I remember my ex he asked his kids how they felt about me, and he told me this, and they said that they like me, but they have to pretend like they don't because they don't want to hurt mommy's feelings. Yeah.
See, that's so unhealthy.
And I'm wondering, like, what was his mother saying that made them feel like they had to protect their mother's feelings, you know so, And I'm hoping it was something subconscious and not like you out here blatantly saying shit too.
But it do be because they believe that.
I'm to the point to where I'm like, you know't even trying to figure people out. But are you consciously doing this or is that just your personality? Is where I'm at now, because if it's just who you are, I got to find a way to accept it, right or just don't fuck with you? So I think like people are not consciously doing this thing. It's just really
their genetic makeup. Yeah, they're just not good. You just not a good person in the eyes of maybe most Maybe it could be a general consensus that you be on some bullshit.
You know what I wanted to talk about and I forgot to mention it. Did you watch the Jamie Fox shit.
Over the not yet?
You watched it?
Girl?
I watched that ship like seven times. I love this so much.
Really, I gotta watch it.
I can't wait for you to watch it so we could talk about it.
Okay, next week, we'll be old by this week.
Well, stop watching it so quick. Always listen. I had the Ajab City videos, it'd be like two weeks ago, from two weeks ago, and I'd be like, have to just laugh at it. Like it's.
Just like when people send me old shit because I feel like I don't seen the whole internet. I just like I just heard it. So if I don't ever respond to something, that means I never I've already seen it.
And my heart is too fast, right yeah, like that that video was three minutes. How you laughing already?
Right right? And I be thinking, like, bitch, ain't know where you watched this whole shit that quick. We have a very special guest when we talk back next week. She's a lovely wife and a lovely mom, and she's here to teach women how to put themselves first, specifically like busy moms right who feel like they can't catch a break, Like, what are the steps to even like beginning to maybe first find some self awareness? Because I think that's really where it starts at and then you know,
not feeling guilty for put yourself first. You know what I'm saying, saying, fuck that husband, fuck these kids, because if I'm not healthy, it's a problem.
I mean, And a lot of this information. You don't have to be a mom to use it in your life, right because I can. Yep. So y'all stay tuned. We'll be right back.
All right, y'all. Uh, We're back from break and today we have we have an amazing guest on We Talked Back. She's empowering busy working mothers to put themselves first without guilt with her seven day guilt Free challenge because self care is absolutely not selfish. Okay, okay, so welcome to We talk Back. Missus came right, y'all know I can't talk no, right, No, I can write now, but I can't read for real bad and related birthday. We know you just celebrated a birthday.
Yes, loving it. The older I get, the better I feel.
That's the truth.
Man, M we're looking at I got more money all the things.
Well that's different because all I get my body been aching, waking up with new shit, wrong, fuck up something that you ain't even us.
Rights girl, So mss Camo, talk to us about.
Excuse me, missus period, talk to us about what uh your seven day guilt free What is it called.
It's to put you first challenge, right, So it's seven days of intentionally doing something for yourself every day.
Right.
And as you said, Aj, I'm a busy working mother. I have three kids, I'm married, I work a full time, pretty demanding job. As of this past June, I just closed the content studio. So I also owned a brick and mortar content studio. I had to podcasts, like all the things and then that whole list of things. You know, who was always last me? And it wasn't because people
were making me last. It was just I was putting everything before me because I thought that I had to do all the things for my kids, be there for my husband, drive here, be at the content studio, just all the things that I said. Yeah.
No.
So at the end of last year I stopped my podcast. I literally just said, yeah, I'm not doing this long. I'm gonna ask you about the yeah girl. I pulled my phone out and I was like, this is the last episode. And I was crying as I was pulling into my job. I was like, I'm not I can't do this anymore. And then six months later, the lease of our content studio came to an end and I just didn't renew it. And I felt like the biggest weight was lifted off of me. And so at that time,
I said, well, now I'm a focus on me. And that's when I went into this space of just putting yourself first and I tried. I piloted this thing. It was a twenty one day challenge, but I had to be ruled myself mom's zone. I don't know if we got twenty one days to be locked into something. So I said, let's make this a seven day challenge. It's free.
You go to my webs patriska moo dot com. You sign up in every morning for seven days, like before you wake up, there's a message for me in your inbox telling you to either go work out, or go take yourself on a solo coffee date, or plan a little trip for yourself, or like go for like something that is just for you. And the idea is to do these things before you pour into other people, because as soon as them kids wake up, it's go time. You on on right. And so if I can inspire
just one other person to remember that they matter. Not even you matter too, girl, You matter first. That's also the mindset shift. I think we always Yeah, I matter as well. No, baby, girl, you matter first. You matter first, because if you're not there mentally, spiritually, physically, then your kids are going to feel it. You're gonna feel it. It ain't even really about your kids feeling it. I think I think we I really want my moms to to stop putting the thing into their My kid, girl,
what do you need? You're going to feel this. You're gonna hun them, kid. I wanted somebody else to say it first. But yeah, it's just so, that's it. It's seven days of thinking about yourself and putting yourself first. And my hope is that after those seven days it's it's I know it takes a little longer to start a habit, but at least you know, oh, I could you know what, let me go for a walk first. Yeah, and so for me, like now, I take it, I'm all the way. On the other end, you know, you
have a spectrum of putting yourself first. Yeah. I meet a lot of women who don't even know the first place to start I'm all the way. On the other end, I'm taking trips out the country by myself. I'm at the gym five thirty in the morning.
Looks fine, thank you.
Ain't nobody's gonna No one is coming before Patrice. And I still love everybody in my family. Everybody still feels great and loved and supported.
So what is your husband think about all this? Is he pretty much, like pretty supportive of it, because I know if Mama isn't good, the whole house is gonna suck. Okay, yeah, yeah.
I think I think my husband knows me, and I think he knows that when I don't when I'm not able to go work out, when I'm not able to take that trip, when I'm not able to pour into myself, I'm a bitch. Like straight up, I'm not feeling well, I'm rude, and I think he understands that. I think it took I know it took time. Though. I remember when I went on my first I call him mom caations. It was after I had baby number three, who was I was on bed rest for three weeks, he was
in nick you for three weeks. He was six weeks early. I mean really took a lot a toll on our family, and once I got healed, I was like, yeah, I mamma needed to get away. And I think he felt kind of like, well, what you mean? And I said I need, I need to get away like and and he got it, he understood it. And that was that.
For my birthday last week, I was in a route before four days again by myself, and he said before I left, he was like, you know, I don't really like not being able to be with you on your birthday. And I thought that was sweet that he even said that, because he's, y'all, we've been together since I was nineteen, so we've been together for a long time. So for him to say that was like, oh, okay, you're telling me how you feel. Look at that. And I said, well,
I thank you for sharing that. I want to be on a beach on my birthday and if you can come next year, great, but that's what I want to do and it's my birthday. And that was it, you know what I'm saying, Like he was able to say how he felt, and I was able to tell him how I felt and what I needed. And that was that. And I got on the flight the next day and went to a Ruba and maybe next.
Year we'll play a room by yourself.
Y'all, don't go, y'all never been on trips by yourself?
I have so the last two years and now I'm in a relationship, But the last two years I'm like, man, I want to take a solo trip somewhere for a month by myself. Like I yeah, I literally I don't have no kids, so you know, now I got a cat. But other than that, like I literally have like a bookmark on my phone of places prices like that's going to be inexpensive to go, like Thailand, bally those places are cheap to go for a month. The flight is the most expensive thing. So no, I never got around
to it. And I'm definitely not opposed to it because I've moved by myself, like I'd be in the world by myself. So I've never been on a like a nice trip by myself.
Though.
I went to Dominican Republic by myself, but it wasn't really a vacation because I was getting like some plastic survey I don't really count. It was I need somebody, you need somebody, yeah, like plastic surgery. I just had like threads on my tall linet.
But it didn't even work.
Y'all, don't do that ship, It did not work. I came back with the same double hit I love, don't do that, But yeah, that was my only Like I tried to plan a sol loocation to Thailand, but then I got scared and I called it my solocations.
Oh u l M, you know that's cute. You need to trademark that.
I know, but I didn't go. I got scared. I got scared to go.
Maybe you start. I talked to a lot of women, even like my homegirl. She was scared to go to dinner by herself. So after us talking, I was like, you can do this, friend, you can do this, And like two weeks later she was like, Patrice, I went to lunch by myself and she said it felt so good. But like, for so, what did I do in the room before four days?
Right?
You got to keep in mind I have three kids again, a very demanding job I work. I'm director of communications for a megachurch, right, huge church in DC. We always on so a lot of my time is like my calendar is very boom boom boom boom boom. So to have four days where I don't have to do anything, and I don't have a calendar. It's that's that doesn't happen often. So for real, two of those days I was literally on it. But all three of those days I was on the beach the whole time, like just
laid out, woke up, went to the hotel. The hotel had a restaurant literally on the beach, so I was there for lunch. Then I went to the beach, and then I went to my room and changed and went back for dinner, went for a long walk one day. You know what I'm saying. So really I did nothing talk.
That's exactly what you did, and that's exactly.
What I wanted to do. So yeah, that's that's it. And you know, I think I don't I think these again, mom cass solocations. I think they have to be by yourself. This is not a girl's trip, right because when you got a girl trip, somebody put the itinerary together. And I'm usually the one in the text like, hey, thanks for the itinerary. I'm probably not gonna do everything because I need to rest, right, Like, I don't even be doing all that stuff. It ain't a vacation at all.
You know what a vacation is. You know what you got to do, right, So you really gotta baby work. And I'm like, damn.
Harder than that home because sex be the best now okay, so the hotel sex.
Be better, but it don't be no rest for real.
So you just wake up like, hey, I'm going to Rooper for my birthday and nigga, you can't go to your.
Like that agent.
I mean.
But here's the one thing. I think I'm able to do these things because I know myself right, and everybody around me knows who I am, and I think that's something that I don't know if my peers other moms have had the chance to do since they've become moms, Because you become a mother, and you it's very easy to forget who you are because your life of all I was around these little humans with good reason, But who are you?
Like?
Who are you? And it's and I talk to my girlfriends again and they've forgotten that, and I remember who they are because then my baby and I'm like, hey, girl, remember when da da da? And it kind of flashes back the life who they are, not even who they were, but who they are, who they kind of just had to put to the side. But with me always being a person who was pretty direct, this is what I need, this what's going on. Even when I wasn't able to honor it, I was at least able to kind of
say it. He's never been surprised. So this trip. We didn't book it until I didn't book it. He didn't book it until the day before, but I had told him two weeks that's what I wanted. What do you want for your birthday? I want to be on a beach, simple, And I was like, if it can't happen, let me know. I'll take care of it because I'm gonna put me first. We're gonna figure it out because that's what I want to do. It's my birthday. I think your mama not.
I feel like everybody should do what they want to do on their birthday period, because you like to see another year come on, Like, I'm not minimizing how I want to celebrate because of what you want.
To do for me.
No, this is my birthday, my birthday, right.
What do you say to mothers who don't have a support system, that don't have a husband, that doesn't have somebody who can watch the kids, you know, how do they put their self first? In your opinion?
That's real, that's real, and I think it's hard.
Like it's so.
My husband's in the military, and so he's been deployed a couple times, so there's been year long stince where he hasn't been here, and that's difficult. Thank god, I have in laws who lives ten minutes away. My parents live thirty minutes away.
So you have a village.
I got a village and so, but I know that's not everybody's case. In those instances, I think you have to be really intentional about building that village, right, Like, sometimes putting yourself first means making the inconvenient decisions because you know it will help you in the long run. Right. So I have a lot of examples. I have a very close friend. She has a lot of kids, and I watch her just do a lot like and I just be like, friend, you don't have to do all this.
And the answer is always, well, I like money, I like to be able to And I say, yeah, but you're I don't want to say you killing yourself, but you are pulling your hair out just so you can do all the things to get all the things and for what, Like, you.
Know what I'm saying.
So it's like, maybe maybe take a step back and kind of like just maybe maybe putting yourself first means relocating, or maybe putting yourself means downsizing so you can actually have space and have margin to breathe. You understand what I'm saying, Like when you don't even have a little bit of room to breathe, then you're already at a deficit. So you know, to that question, Tam, I think it's being extremely intentional about finding those relationships and finding those
people that understand you. It might be saying to your children, I love you, but at seven o'clock from seven to eight thirty, mommy has her quiet time. And I know it's when you have little ones you can't really do that. So I'm thinking of when they're old enough to read a book, watching YouTube, this is mommy's time. Not letting your kids sleep in the bed is putting yourself first.
And I'm a victim of this right because my five year old will hop in that bed and I've had to say, this is not your bed, this is my peaceful place, even like going not staying up until twelve o'clock at night and purposely going upstairs at nine thirty and doing your skincare and your kids could be in the room, right, But like I know, y'all just had an episode on skincare, right, Like sitting down and being in your room, lighting your candle, putting the music on,
and giving yourself a facial a mask, doing the things that feels good.
That's meditation. I think people think like meditation is like closing your eyes and being silent, Like it's not. I meditate while I'm driving a lot, no radio, just driving. So yeah, that is a form of meditation, like just quiet, Yeah, doing something that you love, taking care of your body from the outsiding. Absolutely.
Yeah. I got a client that I prayed that she listened to this episode because she has four kids and she's a single mom, and she comes to get her hair done with three laptops, three different jobs going at the same time. She like, I can barely do her hair because she's on this computer on and just trying to juggle three jobs so she could take care of these kids. Wow, And meanwhile I'm trying to flatter on a little bit of edge that she got left because
her hair is coming out. Yeah, so I hope she listens to this episode because babe girl put one of them computers down.
Just look like even like getting your hair done is to me, that's when I know I'm about to go get my hair done. As short as it is, I'm like the calendar is blocked. I'm locked in what we talk about, girl like it's a it's self care. So to go into that space and not even be able to enjoy that time, it's just like something got to give you. Sometimes you got to. I mean I can't.
It's hard.
I've set my life up. And I don't say this as a brag. I was talking.
I know what you're about to say. Yeah, you tell me like.
I set my life up. So this is how it is. I work remotely. I purposely went for the job that was able to let me do this. You know, I decide to get up early and work out. But also because I work remotely, I can go to the gym at nine thirty and I can block my calendar so nobody puts the meetings on my calendar. Like again, my husband knows who I am because this is how i've this is how we've been. I can go when these
long walks because I do everything remotely. And again, I know this is not everybody's time but or everybody's reality, but I do think part of putting you first is taking ownership of your life and not just doing what you've been doing and making the changes and again making those sacrifices so that you can live the way you want to live, whether you're a man, woman, mom. You know, area like we own our lives. We own our lives.
Nobody should be in control of our life. And once you realize that and you take control of it, it's the game changer. It's hard, though, because it's a lot easier to point the finger, it's a lot easier to put the blame on everybody else.
Accountability is what I'm hearing. Yeah, because I saw one
of your videos. You were talking about like just outsourcing some of the things, you know, like these men be on these podcasts and they talking about a woman cooking, cleaning and all that, like if you really love your wife or your girlfriend like you or another video I saw this guy he just looked over at his girlfriend and then the caption was like the moment you realize you got to get your money up because you you want to make that exactly you saw it.
Yes, I love it.
I almost sent that to mind. But I know that's how he feels about me, right, Like everything is surrounding about upgrading everything. Right, So if you with somebody who don't look at you like that, get the fuck up out of there. Yeah, but anyway, like just outsourcing some of the things so you aren't as busy. I feel like if you're married, like, why is it our job a woman? If I'm working, why isn't my job to full close, wash dishes, cook clean all the things? We
outsource some of this stuff. I gotta see him, and I'm gonna tell you I might pay for that once every two months.
My job.
Listen, I should be clicking right now. I don't even talk the same no more. That's how bad my TMJ is. I know my nigga deprived. Okay, like I might have to get.
In turn.
Listen, as long as it get done. Yeah, we get we get our clothes picked up. I use a laundry service. I don't wash clothes like I mean, obviously, you know you gotta throw some things in there here and there. But now my husband us a laundry service, so he on board bam put in a bag, go I cook, but we door dash, you know, like we not. You
gotta know you, gotta know you. But I'm gonna say you brought up a real good point because you know, thirty years ago, maybe not thirty years ago, because I feel like the women were going into the workforce heavy in the seventies, eighties, nineties, and I remember watching my mom put that suit on with the shoulder pass you know, got her briefcase, going driving an hour and a half to be an accountant with a bunch of racist people, still coming home picking me up late for aftercare, and
I'm staying to myself. When you look back, You're like, well, god, dad, why my dad wasn't picking me up? He worked a lot closer? Or you know, you right to why dad ain't picking me up from dance class? But you don't think about that when you're eight years old. So now you fast forward to twenty twenty four, twenty twenty whatever year, and not only are we taking care of our children and our families, but we are working these high powered jobs. Some of us are content creators, and we got other
passions that were filled, like we've added to the plate. Meanwhile, the dudes are the partners, because I've heard that actually these dynamics happen in same sex relationships as well. But the other partner, the non I don't know what the word is, but they are just kind of hanging out. And I've had us of late. Since taking my new job two years ago, I've had a lot of conversations. I even said to mine, I'm gonna be real with you,
I said to my husband two days ago. We went out for a drink and I was just like, yeah, so if I'm going to be doing all the duties, then I am no. I don't want to contribute financially here, like let me keep.
My check and just by myself.
I mean like like you don't have to do both. You don't have to do domestic and go to your you know, great job. But I am going to my great job and doing the domestic.
That's not you.
Working for everybody. Any Men just work for the job. They just work for the man.
That's not fair. Sometimes men have other jobs like keeping the long, keeping the cars together.
We get our long, we get our lung, we get our car, our grass cut.
Okay, but sometimes they have other responsibility.
The air condition don't go out by every ten fifteen years, or you might have to check. You might have to touch that for fifteen years, the toilet bowl running or whatever. That's a quick glowle fixed, like what else doing in the house?
Come on, guys.
So yeah, and every case is different, you know, So like this, put yourself first. And that's why I always like start with the challenge because no matter what your your home life is, your family, makeup, single mom, like, no matter that, you can at least do this by yourself. You don't need anybody to buy in, You don't need any of that. You can wake up every morning and
do these seven things every morning. Now, when you go farther along, then you are going to need to look at things differently because you might need the babysitter, you might need the things. But at least that's seven days you're able to lock into you easily.
So you said you will want to keep your check, which I agree with you. Let me keep my money too, But I just want to know how you feel about the fifty to fifty conversation that people have about relationships. Only I feel like only black people are talking about it.
Yeah, the others aren't out. Yeah, So I mean we've had our joint. It's all one ain't no fifty fifty here, It's just one account. The money goes into our account. Each of us takes a percentage for our fun money. But that's it. So I got I don't know. I don't. Even before we were married, we were living together and my husband at the time, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
But he paid the mortgage. He paid and I paid the utilities, and I paid the the groceries, which was a minor fraction of the money the things he paid. We never even had that conversation. But the things are different now. The world is different now. I don't I don't know. I just say what worked for you, work for you.
Right, because I don't think other communities aren't doing fifty to fifty is on to talk about it like people talk whatever y'all gotta do to get out trenches, do that shit to get whatever it is? Why are we talking about it? Because I mean it kind of diminishes men a little bit, and then like for women, as like the bringing the ship to the table and all that little weird things like why why would you not want to work extra hard so your a woman doesn't
really have to because everybody's happy when a woman. I'm not saying like men don't need to be happy, absolutely not. But they are supposed to be problem solvers. We're gonna take all their jobs away. Don't nobody want to no idolized man? They get mean when they're not producing, they get mad when they don't have money. They do the Yeah, so find you a woman that's worth producing for my adviceiggas.
The way that argument is that when you're when you're dating someone, everybody should put up fifty to fifty. Like you split the rent fifty fifty, you split everything fifty.
In the middle.
Dating is not living together. Once you start living with somebody, like, that's right, you damn get married. You know some states you might be legally married common law.
Yeah, so very much.
But when we're dating, like, am I really supposed to be paying for dates?
Mmm?
Oh god, I don't mind paying for a date.
A date, brea, birthdays absolutely, a little cute little after.
Breakfast and birthdays. I got them every time. Right now, I've paid for dates. I don't know what people, but it still it's somebody you love and who you with. These men can be complaining because they're trying to date five different women to see who giving up some couci at the end of the day, n night and just pick somebody who likes you, but you're going to suck your dick because they want to at the end of the night.
Pick somebody that likes you. And I've always come from the standpoint of I am the prize.
Amen.
If you sit next to me, we haven't. You're gonna get something out of this conversation. You're gonna walk away from this dinner or whatever it is, feeling better or learning something that's valuable. So I'm not paying for nothing.
Have you ever carried any guilt? Like I hear sometimes mothers say, like mothers who have careers, like something suffers, something always suffers. And I always carry guilt because if I'm one hundred percent here, I'm neglecting this. If I'm one hundred percent there, then I'm neglecting that. Do you have you ever felt that way?
I have not so much anymore. Thankfully, where I work is very family friendly, and we just all prioritize our families. But I remember that this is a true story. The day that I ended my decided to end my podcast, the baby was like thirty minutes late for school and I forgot his lunch, and I remembered I had forgot something at work too, So I just pulled into his parking lot at his school and I just started crying because I'm like yo, And that's what led to the
I can't do this thing anymore. But there have absolutely been times where I forgot something like, oh, you're supposed to have dressed down day. God damn, I forgot that, and that dressed Downday be a big deal. So it so usually comes there. But when I have to go on work trips or I don't feel guilt. I don't because I'm a very present mom, you know what I'm saying.
Like I pick my kids up every day, I take them sometimes, I walk them to school, like they come to work with me sometimes, So I don't, and I'm I gotta be real with you. I don't and I don't. But I'm also not working a job. My husband has had to be overseas for this past summer. He was in Guam for three months. Maybe he If that was me, I might have felt guilt for having to be away for three months.
But at this day and age, M M say what do you say to moms that do carry that guilt? What advice would you do.
To seven day challenge challenging?
Cause it seems like where does it? And I wish I would have I wish I could have looked this up, like, you know, where does guilt come from? Is it because you didn't do something else and now this is like piling on? Is it because you just didn't have time? I don't know. Is it because is it because subconscially you don't even like this job and you hate that you even have to do this, and so now it's even causing you to not only do you hate the job, but now it's causing you to not be there for
your kids, you know. So I think maybe that's the bigger question. And I hope I'm not being too like philosophical here, but it's just like, why do you feel guilty about it? What is because?
I I don't know.
Again, that's not it's not my reality, but yeah, kind of consider that. Why are you feeling how you feel? Where is that guilt coming from? Is it your partner that's making you feel shitty because you got to do this? Because if that's the case, then you need to deal with that, you know, is it just is it? Is it guilt or is it you're just tired? Are you tired? Do you need to take PTO? Are you tired of
your kids? I don't know. There there might be some other things there that have to be thought through and figured out. And if it is guilt, you know, maybe it is just a matter of you know what, I don't like this. I need to make a change, right, I need to now do the uncomfortable thing so I don't feel this anymore. But if you stay in that same job, in that same position, and that same set up, in that same daily schedule, You're gonna feel the guilt again.
So I would also say that, like, figure out what it is and why and change immediately or make a plan.
To So I'm not a mom, but I spent like two weeks with my best friend and my god kids, and they're little, and I loved them to death, right, I love them so two and one oh, okay, one behind the other, right, And that shit never stops, Like Mama, like she would finally get to bed and then six in the morning, I hear songs, paying screaming, all kind of shit happening. I'm like oh my god, if I could do this and it just like it's done at
nine o'clock. And then it started getting right in the morning, we're singing wheels on the bus and like I'm talking about that's one of the songs. In the morning, we had a freezing So motherhood is severely a full time job in itself. I don't know if I'm capable of juggling a full time career. So you said you had a career, a husband, a podcast studio and the actual podcast and three children.
Cracked on crack like girl, you know, because I do.
Be feeling like okay, So like my like trying to wake up six o'clock in the morning, like I did it this morning. I worked out. That's why I was trying to get off the meeting earlier town like go take a child before we got here, like I actually got up and some Monday's Tuesday whatever, I'll pick a day and I actually do all the things right. But you gotta have a lot of discipline when you have a kid. So like, God ain't giving me a kid because did you not discipline?
Like, but you gotta be you can't bring the discipline because I used to pray before she had that the first baby. I'm like, god less her with the mind of mother because she's such a squarel brad her like being nobody's mama. But she's such amazing mom and so dedicated. Like she surprised me. I'm like, you surprised me. I didn't think. I thought I was gonna have to take these babies from you, you know. But she's a great mom. So sometimes I think that comes with becoming a mother.
It definitely does like nothing to prepare you for it, for real.
Nothing. I was twenty three when I had our first kid. Oh okay, I didn't know what the hell like the child, couldn't didn't know nothing, and you know, you look at him now, obviously we knew enough and it just comes to you prayerly, right.
Yeah, because I didn't get up to what nine today?
Yeah, like you can't do that with a kid. Yeah, you can't sleep in no more like some some kids don't sleep high matenance babies, Hey, your ass up all night? I could.
That was our baby. He was were the premature one. I hate to really, you know, refer to him as that, but it's like we were like, damn, nigga, can you breathe because he would be like he would just be weird every time you went to sleep, and it would be like, yo, I'm tired, like waddle and go to sleep. But yeah, and that's the other thing, Like every kid is different. So even if you have one and you like you got it, you got your system, bam bam band, you throw the other one in the mix and it's
a totally different human experience. Like, so you gotta really you're literally starting from scratch. Yeah, you know, I'm I think I'm a Parenthood takes discipline absolutely because not only do you have to be disciplined within yourself, you got
to discipline these kids. I think some of this put yourself first, and I think some of this this feeling of you know, being a parent and not being able to be yourself or pouring to you, it's because you've got to Not only do you have to pay attention to your kids and discipline them and you know, take care of them and nurture them, but you got some of these kids who are running the household, right, so you can't you dang sure can't live your best when
you have a child who is telling you what to do, and like I said, running the household. So that's a whole nother that might be all another conversation like I'm the adult here, not you, right, like, this is my home, and you have to do even as a baby, a one year old, a two year old, whatever the age, you have to Parents have to set the tone for their children, not the other way around. And I think as time goes on, you know, we're in twenty twenty four and I'm somebody.
With gentle stuff.
Thank you, the gentle parenting, right Like, wait, wait a minute now, gentle you so gentle your parenting is so gentle that you are literally losing your mind. You know what I'm saying, Like that, don't that? Ain't that don't add up at all? Not to me anyway, I.
Think I would.
How about shanking kids.
I'm not opposed to it. I think there's a line to abuse. I've never had to No, I've had to pop. I've had to pop maybe once or twice. Yeah, I'm listen. If that's how you have to discipline your child, that's how you got disciplined child.
You know, I used to think that I would be a mom, like I'm a double backslap of baby to talk back to me right. But once my sister had kids and I would watch my niece. If they misbehave and I did a little pop, I would cry. I'm like, you know, like so I know that I'm softer than I think in my head, like they would run all over me already. Know.
Some kids don't some people don't like everybody. It takes different things to everybody to change and learn. So you got one child who you can This is me and my sister. We're fifteen years apart. I had two pops as a child, one when I was like four and the other one I was sixteen. My mom slapped me across the face because I snuck out to go to my boyfriend house.
That was it.
Nobody ever had to discipline me ever again because that part two they never knew.
Okay.
My sister, on the other hand, no, I mean every week since it's getting beat and did not care and the house, same parents came. You gotta know how to anone.
Yeah, there's always one.
She's still off the chain too, bless her heart. I love her though.
Aside from the the seven day Challenge, the mom caation magic. So you help people plan these solocations?
Yeah, yeah, so it's an ebook. It's Momcation Magic, and it's literally from start to finish like Okay, you need to get away, you don't know how. So it gives you like places you can go visit. It's a whole like three like different packing list. I've even put a template of a letter in there, a script that you
can read to your partner or your community member. No, I'm for real, y'all, Like if you just are really scared to ask or to bring this up, get this mom Caation Magic and literally read it or copy and paste it. Cause I understand there's barriers there. It's levels to this, and we're all on different stages of this motherhood thing, of this self care thing. Take momhood aside, like you gotta, we all have to be putting ourselves first. So yeah, the ebook literally is a just a tool
to help you. It has like quotes in there about self care. It's pictures of me on my various trips to hopefully inspire you to take one or two like just a resource, you know, pdf downloaded and hopefully hopefully it helps. Like everything I do is it's really just to I can't talk to everybody, like I cannot sit there and everybody DM. So you just go on a trip by yourself? How you do that? Can't do that toa I cannot have this conversation with all of y'all.
But I promise you you get that mom mom Cation Magic ebook, you'll you'll be on your way.
Yeah, I like that.
I just don't know how my because no kids involved. He has kids that I don't. But I just don't know how a conversation. I can have a conversation because I'm always say what I want. There's that part. So if I say, hey, dude, I'm about to go on vacation for five days by myself, he would have a fit.
Hmmm.
I believe he would have.
It hasn't happened yet.
I haven't asked him.
You don't know.
But even just me going on vacation, like without him with other people, he don't like that. Yeah, they're gonna automatically imagine you being on one of those canoes in Jamaica, like the most be automatically.
Hey, hey, I don't want to their canoes. I'm not a hope.
That's why I'm going next though, Vocation. I don't know.
That's another book I might write that one.
See that's why he don't want you to know.
That's why I never smashed no random dick on vacation ever. Okay, he ain't got to worry about that ship a local nigga, but he could be no random I'm just playing his jokes.
He might go crazy, but he might not.
It's so what do I do?
So if he goes crazy? What do I just still go?
Though?
I think you I think y'all need to talk about it a little bit more. I think it's okay. I think in these kind of situations, it's not a hey, I'm going on the trip boom. It's hey, babe, let's y'all maybe at dinner, what do you think about? And you might already know the answer, but let's just start to have a conversation, you know what. I need some time to myself. Busy things are rough, Like I'm tired. I just need to get away thinking about doing this. What do you think?
You know?
Are you cool with me? Because I started, I didn't start going out of town. I started doing staycations. So I would go to like and I still do this. Like I would just find a cute little hotel in DC and stay there from Friday to Sunday night. You know what I'm saying, like a little staycation, don't text me, don't bother me, this is my time.
That's an understanding that I don't know if I have ever been with anybody like them niggas to be stalking me. But this is yeah, this is for some moms. I guess who, like they get your ebook.
Yeah, give them the script, right, yep? Yeah.
But then the person the recipient of the script is like that, are you nuts?
And so this next I don't want to break up home, but you have to put yourself first, right because if it's the it might not be the trip. It might be going to the gym, it might be who knows, it might be not going grocery shop. And it's saying, you know what, you can do this. I don't need to do this. Somebody gotta empower, Like someone has to be empowered to break Here's listen here. If your situation
is working for you, keep doing it. But if your situation is breaking you down and you are not who you want to be and you are very unhappy with your life or just the situation, then there has to be drastic changes. And I've had so many and I still have them uncomfortable conversations with my husband about I don't like this, Why am I only doing this? Da da da da da. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it doesn't. But like if you're with if your partner, I think
there's some real good questions here. Why are you uncomfortable with me being by myself for three days? Why does that give you pause? Because like I need to understand why do you feel this way? And depending on the answer, that's the conversation. I'm also my husband is take you want to go on a trip, go ahead? Like I'm also yeah, like I if I can do something, then you should be able to do it too. But like
I am not trying to break up happy homes. But if you are in a position where you, like I said, are just really drowning, that's the word. You're drowning. You are defeated and you don't even remember what it feels like to be by yourself. Something needs to change. And if your partner loves you and wants you to be your best for the family and for yourself, if they're going so far off the deep end for something like this, then there's some bigger issues there. I don't know what
those bigger issues are. But that's that's what that seems. That's a little off to me.
Also asking why you got his dick in your hand, because I heard no right there.
I think you just do it like that's.
Like he's not about to be irate. I know shit like that. But I don't like to have continuous conversations about the same shit. So now I got to keep explaining why this is good for me. And I'm not really just talking about me. I'm just talking about women who may be in these situations with children right and just needing a break. I saw this TikTok once in this White Lady. She was like, you know, it really doesn't matter how much you love your husband and your boyfriend,
your significant other, if y'all live together. It's just something about it when they're not home that feels so good. That is a real thing. Like I really breathe easy when I'm by myself, and he really does nothing to me at all. It's just the the energy energy of another person. I know it might be some Gemini shit, I don't know. I don't know what it is, but he's a Gemini too. But I need to be I need alone time space. I need space. So I do like being by myself a lot.
I think that solo time also, you know, I love I like being by myself a lot too because I really like myself that part. Right, So when you got to be in a space away by yourself and all you have is you to laugh at, to go through the things, to you know, get drunk, like you gotta really fuck with yourself. You gotta know you can walk into a room and meet pe people and have a ball, or it's be sitting in your hotel room and have a ball. And that's that's a you know, I wish
that for a lot of people. I think the pandemic showed a lot of people that they really didn't like themselves and for their partner.
Nurse that part because I definitely grow up during the pandemic. Yeah, a couple months in a quiet.
Time, that alone time is gonna tell to tell every time. And that's why I think it's so important because when you have all the kids and all the things, you don't have that, so you don't know who you are, right. It all kind of goes back to this whole thing, like when you're not able to focus on you because you're focusing on them. Then you're just not you don't know who you are. And then you just keep going and twenty years down the line when you talk about
this when you're kids, not even twenty years. My daughter, our middle child, is seven years old, and Sis goes down in that basement. She's a tween. She turns on, she watched her TV. She'd be laughing, and when I come downstairs, it's like, hey, Parker, how are you? She comes back upstairs. I said, so. It ain't when they turned eighteen. It is when they seven and eight, when they are moving on and finding their own lives and
their own things. And as the mom or the dad or the whatever who didn't have a thing for themselves, you just sitting there looking crazy.
I'm a client. Well she's not my client anymore, but it was a client that she like was so involved in her son's life. She just obviously wanted the best for her child, whichever mother wants for the most part. But he went off, she like smothered him, you know. So when he went off to college, he wouldn't want to come home for spring break. He wanted to go
off with his friends and do stuff. And it like devastated her, and like she would like pick fights with him about it, and like she ended up having to go to therapy about it because she was so attached to this child like her, that child had become her whole existence. So when he went off to be an adult male, she didn't know what to do with herself. And she was it's like hurt by the fact that he wanted to have his own life.
Did she have anybody? Was she single?
She just devoted her entire astance to being this boy's mom, you know, which is okay. I mean I get it. You want to be a good mom, you want to be the best mom, but you got to have a life too, baby.
Got to And how how dope is it when your kids see that you love yourself? You know I'm saying, like they see it and they notice it. Like my when I'll get I'll get up, you know, the five thirty and I'll come back in the house around seven, and the old the baby is be up. He just be up and he will greet me at the door and he's like, hey, mom, how is the gem? Did you have a good workout? So it's at this point it's embedded in our family that mom has to do
what she needs to do for herself. And now we're like, they want to work out too, you know what I'm saying. So when your kids see that you love you and you care about you, and when they also see that your world don't revolve around them, not you know, one hundred percent of the time, then I believe that they're they operate a little differently, right because they say, Mommy loves herself, Mommy, mommy gonna do. Mommy's fine, Mommy's Mommy's fine,
you know, Mommy's happy. And I think it when you look at it from that perspectives, that's the other thing I think Mom's missed because we just assume, not all of us. It's very easy to assume that we have to do everything. That's a little bit of ego. No one can replace me, and no one can replace the mom, right, but no one can do this. Dad can't wash the clothes, Dad can't do this, You can't do that. Only I can do this because I'm the mom and da da
da da da da dah dah. And it's like, girl, remove your ego, because what you need to what we should do is build community around our children. So that they know that they got ten people that gonna look up after them and not just that one person. You know, we're not gonna be here forever. You don't want to raise a child can't live without you.
Because they're gonna have to.
That's the one thing that we know gonna happen.
Yeah, you know, I have a friend who I mean, she pretty pretty privileged for the friends, and both of them, husband and wife, are my friends. But he didn't because she's at home mom, right, and she just does all the after school shit and they did have a nanny
do having a nanny and things like that. He just thought her life was so easy until COVID hit and he actually had to be home with the kids to see, like when he wakes up five o'clock in the morning, three o'clock whatever, like that's when her day starts too, and they go to bed at the same time. So really like she's working double damn near having to deal with four kids and help. But he didn't realize it until COVID when he was in the house to actually see all the moving parts.
If these our partners would not be able to afford And I tell my husband this too, I said, sweetheart, if I charge you for the work that I do, this invisible labor, you wouldn't be able to afford me. Like I was a stay at home mom for two years with the with the babies, and I was ready to go back to work. I was like, Okay, I don't this too much. I've been with y'all for two years. Like it's a lot, a lot, and they just assume because you don't have to physically get dressed and go somewhere.
But from you know, for me, going getting up and even just working with people, that's a release. That's like talking to adults. You know what I'm saying. You in a house with kids, children that at this point are not adding any like intellectual value to your life. They are literally things that you have to physically take care of from start to finish, the most draining thing you'll
ever have to imagine. But they don't see it until they have to do it, which is another reason why you should get up out of there so that they can see what it actually takes. You understand, I'm saying, like, girl, he might need to see what these with these jokes really take, you know, because he don't get it. They don't get it, whoever the gender is. But when I got back this past my husband looked tired. He slept for like two days after. When I got back last week, Yeah,
baby was tired. And we even when we was out with some of our friends yesterday and the husband was just like, you know, you cool with her going to d D. Long story short, he was like yeah, But when she got back, I was just like this too much. And I was like, yeah, you saw all the things that I do, but you see what I do every day. But he also sees what I do every day, you know, like you see me making the things.
But you make it look.
Yeah, like they don't realize you just never know that you actually got to do the things right.
That part, that part, it was so funny. My best friend, she had got six she got COVID, so she had to lock herself up in the room and I came by to help because I know her man was going through it. When I walked in that house, y'all, that ship looked like a tornado hit that motherfucker. My god, baby on the entertainment center just doing a dug. I think it was like chairs knocked over floor. Oh my god, I just came in there and helped him because I knew he couldn't handle it.
You know, girl, when I was in his ministry, I lied to y'all. Not when I was on my last the last day of the trip. Two days before, I text our cleaning lady like, hey, girl, are you available Thursday to Friday. I already knew what time it was because I said I'm not because also, I'm not about to come back to a dirty house. You don't got to clean it. But when I come back to my home, I needed to be clean and organized, because that's that's
what makes me happy. And had I came back and hadn't had her come, it would have been a mess all the things, and then I would have been mad.
Yeah, because now you got to get back to it. Yeah, I want that.
Why do men not like organization?
Why are men dirty? I'm sorry I was ticking.
It there and like I really be feeling, like am I really? I had this come just this morning on the way to the gym. I don't know my homegirl. She had therapist, y'all. Yeah, so she had like a whole lot of shit going on the last few months. So we had just been talking about her ship the last few months. So now I'll like drop my little bullshit in here and there, like my grievances and stuff like that. So she was asking me a lot of queer. I'm like, girl, why the fuck is you stirring up
these emotions Earl? This morning, Like last night, I literally did an experiment. I took a picture of him while before I got into bed, Like we had a king sized bed, and he's completely on his side of the bed right five minutes as soon as like, and he was that in that position, never moved for a very long time.
Soon as I gotten a fuck like move as soon as I get into bed, you sleeping diagonal like and then just that on top of like the other day, like this is really like a fucking kid dog and Nigga, I don't care if you hear this.
Thank god he home right now on recording. But anyway, like you passed, you passed the bed rooms, closets, all this shit to drop your shit on the island in the kitchen right And I'm.
Like, why do you have to do this?
Well, it'll be going by the time you wake up. I'm like, Nigga, I see it right now, what are we talking about like this is childish? Am I tripping? What is up these niggas? Like?
And then you send me a text.
Message about like how like you like Friday I cleaned up or whatever? So he sent me a text mess because thoughtful and he was like and how and the house looks so good?
Thank you?
Da da dada?
Why you don't want to.
Keep it like that?
Doesn't it feel good to walk in to a clean place where things are where they's supposed to be at?
Does that not feel good?
Because for me, if she doesn't disarrayed, that's literally how my mind feels.
Same.
And see, I hear you, AJ, but you know I got to play down what a you know I'm crazy. No, I just ain't got no nigga. So I want a nigga at least.
No, you don't, I'm telling you, especially because especial exactly. Okay, So you ain't live with a nigga since what twenty sixteen? Just think about then and how it was to remind you a little bit, okay, like you do not miss that shit because I don't understand like this is then add kids on top of that, I'm beating people.
I'm I'm willing to compromise in those areas. To have a person that I can lock in with at this point after being single for that many years, that shit wasn't that bad now looking at looking back, Like could I live with that? To have a person that's really down for me and really locked in with me? Huh, that's you say that and.
Tell us every day you gotta like why, like why you can't put these clothes in the hampa, Like why they on the bathroom floor, why they in the chair and bedroom? Like why why we can't do this? But you'll tell your kid, pick your clothes up, do this, do that, But when you got to it.
Listen, we have many how old are so we're over twenty years in and I still deal with that with him, But like, we have hacks, So I have hacks on myself. So okay, we're gonna call it cleaning lady, or I'm the type I'll just you want to leave your stuff, I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna throw it in your closet. That ain't probably the best thing to do. It might be a little rude, but at least it's I don't have to see it, don't And I don't know if it's maybe it's because they grew up with
their moms cleaning up after them. I don't know. Yeah, it's I'm a very and it. I didn't realize it how much the mess impacted my mental until a couple of years ago, and I was like, Yo, you gotta understand this is it's not it's not just mess to me. It is literally when I see it, I feel I don't feel good. It's it's like you said, it's really impacted my mental I need it to be clean and clear. No, the house doesn't always have to be perfect. And yeah we got kids, but you know, before I go to bed,
I'm the type must the kitchen like go on. The kitchen is shut down, like I wipe down things, we cleaning up. So if I wake up and there's some dishes in the sink, I'm heated. Heated. But I've also had to say, like you said, Sam Patrice, it's a dish, It's okay. Relax in the grand scheme of things, right,
like I do. I am with someone who really like I fuck with this guy like I really do, and we have this we have a great family and he is allowing me to be me and without without a lot of the other things, the drama, and so if it means taking a step back and just being okay with the dish. But then I've like that same night, I'll say, hey, babe, if you eat after I go to bed, can you make sure you clean up please?
I gotta work on my delivery.
Maybe it's taking a long time for me.
That's probably it's just getting here. I gotta talk because I feel like I talk nice, like the first time, and then after that, Nigga.
That my biggest that'd be what I hear from my husband, like this? Can you just say it differently? Can you just say it like this? I'm like, okay, but can you do this right?
Just do the things so I will have to see it.
Yeah, how about that?
They want they want to be my baby too, though.
I know kids on top of kids. Yeah, anyway, Yeah, are we gonna get a dumb bitch story at you together? Yeah?
Oh god, get you in trouble from high school.
It's boring. It's not a it's not a good story. It's boring.
Yeah, we don't want it already talking our sorry. Next look, maybe I'll come back and I'll prepare and I'll have a good one, just telling somebody else.
Why're dumb bitch? Old?
I hear from my girl like you are a dumb bitch, But if you enjoyed it, then hey, I'd be like, girl, have fun, you get.
Out of love.
Nah, man, y'all ain't never had a friend that just too much of a dumb bitch, Like you can't talk to them no more until a dumb bitchh it is over it.
You just don't say nothing, Just stop talking to I just listen. And then they'd be like, why you ain't got nothing to say? I'm like, well, I've already said.
I can't you call me when you finished me the dumb bitch because I can't do it no more. I don't want nobody associating me with your dumb bitch shit.
Dumb bitch story be I don't have what I'm just asking right, Like, can it do it have to be a like relational kind of like romantic thing? Could it be like a like a dumb bitch like like homegirl story.
Like look at it like that?
But yeah, shoot exists too. No, I can't put them out there, but yeah, you.
Ain't got one. You asked the question about, all right, can you plug all your things, plug your book, your ebook, plug everything.
So absolutely, thank y'all so much. This has been a wonderful hour. Yeah, just connect with me everywhere. My name Patresecomo dot com, at patrese Kmo. On Instagram, you can go to my Instagram page and get the links to mom cash Magic as well as to put you first. But if you go to my website Patresecomo dot com, you automatically can fill out the form to be on
our email list. I send emails every week. Are just tips and tools, you know, easy recipes, just things that can make your life easier as a busy working mom. I want y'all to really love your life and not feel like your kids are.
Yeah, so you said that like your day was Patrice Jones spell Patrise? Come on? I know I did, right, she said for Jones. No, I didn't like it, Jones.
That's your thank you, Patrise. Come on CS and Charlie a Is and Apple Emma's and Mary e Au Patrese come on there dot com.
Or come and this is come o y'all.
It was good. I love talking to y'all. Y'all show is every Thursday. I'd be locked in.
Oh, thank you.
I appreciate it absolutely, thank y'all.
Hold on, don't go nowhere, but y'all okay, okay, if you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on The Black Effect I Her Radio and Apple whoever the fuck you get your podcast at. This is your co host, A J Holiday two point on Instagram, y'all. Check out we Talked Back podcast dot com.
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Speak now and never hold your mom time. I don't know.
Never hold them kids, Fuck them kids, goodbye, don't hang up.