“With these hungry eyesOne look at Chuul and I can’t disguiseI’ve got hungry eyesI feel the magic between Chuul and I”– Did you know Dirty Dancing was originally a horror movie? Hey kids, get out your bibs and hop in the van! I hope you’re hungry because we’re heading down to Red Lobster for their All-You-Can-Eat Chuul special! It’s only around for Halloween season, so cram that sweet, sweet crustacean meat in your gullet while you can! Umm, Chuul are magic lobsters. That’s the main takeaway fro...
Feb 16, 2021
“I can’t even do anything because I don’t have an orb” said Kroy.And that pretty much sums up this episode. Bort is in the abyss, Nubz makes an emergency exit and Kroy is stuck with El Diablo and the Gex. Nothing is going right for The Gang.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 59
“It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating,” said the Queen presently. “What would you like best to eat?”“The roasted corpse of my enemies. Or, failing that, Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty,” said Chimera. -From C.S. Lewis’ lesser known novel ‘The Lion, the Goat and the Dragon’ The Chimera is one of the most famous monsters from Greek mythology and that means Alex recognized it right away. So this week, instead of diving straight into the D&D lore, Alex gives us a little lesson ...
Feb 16, 2021
The Gang’s been split up. Nubz and Kroy are in the lighthouse dealing with the consequences of their actions (or rather, their inaction). Bort is spiraling out on the ocean. Honestly, this whole mission is a bit of a sinking ship and the Gex seem to have the upper hand.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 58
“Carrion my wayward sonYou’ll be a feast when you are doneLay your weary head to restDon’t you cry no more”–Turns out this song is about eating the rotting corpse of your dead child. Man, Kansas is fucking dark. The Carrion Crawler is probably the grossest creature we’ve learned about so far. This Putrid Party Monster will haunt your dreams and make you rethink your feelings about bugs. And it doesn’t even matter if you liked or disliked bugs. If you thought beetles were cool before, now you’re ...
Feb 16, 2021
This week The Gang tries to escape from the Gex headquarters in order to make it back to the lighthouse in time to help Raf. Also, everyone becomes a pirate for a bit.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 57
“And that’s where the horsey stung meAnd I had a feverish dreamWith revenge and doubtTonight, we smoke them out You are ahead by a centaur-yYou are ahead by a centaur-yYou are ahead by a centaur-y”Little known fact: The Tragically Hip loved Centaurs Holy Smokes! Alex guessed right this week! She correctly named the creature we discuss. We’re all very proud of her, but also, it was a pretty easy one. I mean, who doesn’t know what a centaur is? Anyway, Alex did her own little bit of research befor...
Feb 16, 2021
Bort and Kroy go through a roller coaster of emotions before being reunited with Nubz. Then they tangle with a Gex sympathizer and Bort barfs. Again.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 56
“Because I’m bad, I’m bad come onYou know I’m bad, I’m bad come on, you knowYou know I’m bad, I’m bad come on, you knowAnd the whole world has toAnswer right nowJust to tell you once againWho’s bad”–Michael Jackson was definitely singing about a Cambion. Because Cambions are bad. But also, I don’t know what any of the other lyrics are, so I could be wrong. Every week we ask ‘is this creature a friend or a fiend?’ Well, Cambion are The Offspring (na na why don’t you get a job) of a fiend and a hu...
Feb 16, 2021
It really seems like all of the Gang’s plans are going down the drain. Nubz has accidentally given El Diablo an incredibly powerful tool and Bort yarfs. A lot. Oh also, it looks like a lot of people are going to die in the very near future. Oops?
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 55
“Hello my baby, Hello my honey, hello my rag time gal,Send me a fish by wire.Baby, my home’s a mire”–The Bullywug mating call I hope you brought your boots, because this week we’re getting deep in the muck with the delusional amphibians known as Bullywug. They’re greedy. They’re needy. And they live where it’s reedy. They call the swamp their home and really want you to be impressed by them. Bullywugs are pretty much regular frogs, but they stand upright. Which, in our opinion, makes them a litt...
Feb 16, 2021
The Gang has been split up. Nubz and Captain Endicott execute the first part of their multi phase plan to kill El Diablo, destroy the Gex and close the shimmering tear. Bort and Kroy grind up a squirrel and make a new type of burger. Looks like one team is not taking this seriously. Let’s see how this turns out.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 54
“Faster than a speeding Bulette! More powerful than a… Bulette? Able to leap tall, uhh… Bulettes… in a single… umm… Bulette”-This goof on a Superman quote really falls apart the longer it goes on. This week Kyle and Alex learn all about how to pronounce the word ‘Bulette’. And once that’s out of the way, they learn about Bulettes themselves. Turns out they’re basically Ankheg’s that don’t have any fucks left to give. The episode also takes a turn into the realm of book recommendations, when Kyle...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang formally reunites with Raf. Nubz formulates a plan to infiltrate the Gex’s hideout that could very well spell the end for Captain Endicott and herself. Bort and Kroy spend their time discussing the merits of choosing capitalism over friendship.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 53
“If you go down in the woods todayYou’re in for a big surpriseIf you go down in the woods todayYou’ll be made into stir fry”– Bugbears Picnic Bugbears might sound cute, but believe me they are anything but. Whatever you’re picturing is probably wrong. Unless you’re picturing a roid raging Grizzly Bear with a level of cunning on par with Yogi Bear. Except the Bugbear’s Pic-a-nic Basket is probably filled with human body parts instead of your standard bologna sandwich. But, hey, Yogi Bear isn’t su...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang puts their stealth sailing skills to the test. Then, while trying to enter the lighthouse, they get into a tussle with some Gex. Captain Endicott learns an important lesson about Gex anatomy when The Gang fills him in on the ‘smash their kneecaps’ policy.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 52
“There isn’t any more! What do you want me to do, slit my wrists? Wait, you’re a plant. I’m a vampire. Why am I feeding you blood? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?“ -Vampire Rick Moranis in the new gritty reboot of Little Shop of Horrors. I don’t want to ruin the whole origin story here, but I will say this: Blights have the silliest origin and I am so totally on board with it. The plants come from vampires. How? What? Why? Plants don’t drink blood! Blights are sentient diseased plants that...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang picks up some new swag then heads out to Deal with some Gex. They also meet up with Captain Endicott, a dwarven smuggler. Oh, and did they really just meet Sef’s mom?
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 51
“Bone Jaw is ready!”-A quote from the better version of The Macho Man Randy Savage’s Spider-Man. This episode is a big one. The Beholder and it’s entire evolution line are some of the most iconic Dungeons and Dragons creatures of all time, so naturally, there is a lot to say about them. On the one hand, it’s nice to have so much established lore for Beholders, Death Tyrants and Spectators. It makes the world seem more fleshed out. On the other hand, when all that lore is about them being c-tiere...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang hangs around Wolf Rock while making some very important business decisions, some equipment decisions and destination decisions. They also decide to join an exclusive club. Look, this is a very decision heavy episode.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 50
“Behir, far, wherever you areI believe that the heart does go on*.”-Ms. Titanic Here’s a good one. What has 12 legs, goat horns and is neither snake nor lizard, but is also both of those things? A Behir! Ha! got you, it’s not a joke. It’s actually just a nightmare come to life. If someone told you they found a snake with legs, you’d probably say “Umm, that’s a lizard you moron.” And then they would reply “No, it’s a Behir.” They’d show you a picture and you’d probably say “Oh, look at the little...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang makes a quick stopover in Goodleaf where they meet up with one of their old friends. No, acquaintances. No… someone they’ve run into before. It’s hard to tell if the Gang is excited about this or not. Then they head on back to Wolf Rock and hang on… is that another old friend? Woah, what is this? Reunion Central Station? Good joke Kyle.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 49
“Come… come to me… Let me rip you… Let me tear you… Let me kill you. I like eating stones. They yummy in my tummy.“- The Basilisk, from that one Harry Potter book. I hope you’ve brushed up on your Parseltongue because today we’re talking about the Basilisk! Nah, just kidding you don’t need to speak Parseltongue. That’s a completely made up language that J.K Rowling barfed into existence. (That’s how writers write, right? They just up-chuck words onto paper until someone begs them to stop?) The r...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang reunites with Lars and finally make it out of the Old Stonefist City Ruins. But, will they make it out of the New Stonefist City…umm… not ruins?
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 48
“In space sunlight, no one can hear you a Banshee scream.” – Alien Wizards of the Coast (probably) At some point in our lives, we’ve all played a version of the “If you could be a monster, what kind of monster would you be?” game. Well, this week we learn that sometimes you get to pick the monster, and sometimes the monster picks you. Today, Alex was picked by the Banshee. While learning about the Banshee, Alex realized that she shares a disproportional number of traits with these undead, former...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang pulls a Sue Storm and goes invisible. They also attempt to deal with another shimmering tear, and then try to make Julia Roberts proud when they go all ‘Ocean’s 11’ and try to finish pulling off the heist of the century.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 47
This week Kyle and Alex learn all about Azer: the Living Braziers. (No. Get your heads out of the gutter. You’re thinking of brazzers.) I hope y’all like volcanoes because these dudes are bronze fire babies that come from the Elemental Plane of Fire, and volcanoes are their daddies. Well, no. Azer don’t really have daddies. Well, they kind of do. Their daddies pound them (…huh. This is sounding more and more like brazzers) into shape, molded from bronze and filling them with their inner fire… lo...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang gets rich beyond their wildest dreams. It turns out there is a lot of stuff in this vault, and some of it might even be useful. The Gang fumbled their way into the vault, and now they’ll need to get out. But knowing them, it’s not going to be easy.
Feb 16, 2021•52 min•Ep. 46
Do you own a ranch? You do? Shit. Please tell me it’s Ranch Dressing. It’s not? It’s a full blown ranch with real cows? Well, I hope you have some Ankheg repellent. Get some of that bitter apple spray and put it on your cow’s ankles. Maybe that will deter these ravenous beasts from turning your livestock into a buffet. It more than likely won’t deter them, but you gotta try something. Right? This week Alex and Kyle learn all about the burrowing nuisance that is the Ankheg!...
Feb 16, 2021
On this week’s episode of ‘We Have Darkvision′ The Gang circumvents some traps, ignore some cool things that they’ll never get back and then… wait… holy shit! They actually finally sing a Creed song FIRST FUCKING TRY! Congrats team. I’m so proud of you.
Feb 16, 2021•Ep. 45
