Vitamin D Advice Letters

you can be your best self. And sprinkled in here and there, we do something called the Vitamin D Advice Letters. We go into our email bag and we answer questions from listeners about love, relationship, about purpose, about whatever. And you know, we did our first one and this is our second one. And after such an immediance a bund supply, I got in there and I decided to dig out of you more. And if you need advice on something going on, it's feel free to shoot me an email

at Vitamin D at Dawn Day speaks dot com. That's Vitamin D at Dawn d a i speaks dot com. So let's dive in and see what we need to talk about. So, without further ado, it's time now for your doses of vitamin D. Right with me and get excited about all right. Taking a look at the first letter subject no job, no girlfriend, no career, Dear Dawn. For most of my life I had a plan and a B, C and D, but suddenly that was all

wiped away. I'm thirty five, a bartender by trade and a writer by passion, and I live in l a at an extremely nice bartending gig, and even after that fell through, I got so much experience I could have got a gig anywhere. Now all the bars are closed or near enough to it. I'm still technically employed, though I'm on the leave of absence. At the moment before COVID, I got back together with my ex and things were going great until July my lease was up and we

moved into her house. Things changed. We weren't compatible, honestly, and the whole story that I won't bore you with, but the essential point is that it didn't work out. She kicked me out on the same night we broke up, so all my stuff in my car, no job and not wanting to be a burden to my friends. I moved. I drove back from the West Coast to the East coast. I'm currently staying with my family, but I'm down to my last fifteen hundred with no additional income in sight

once the unemployment drives up. I thought about being a cop, or maybe finishing the book I was writing, or I don't know, should I wait this COVID thing out. I just don't know what to do right now. I'm out of shape because my ex didn't want to go into the gym during COVID, so I feel tired and worn out from the things that would have been no problem before. I want to get my life back to where it was and the words of Justin Timberlake, crimea River, now listen,

I'm not trying to be funny. I'm not trying to be me mean. I just want to be real with you now. When you decided to submit this letter on Vitamin D podcast, you know that we are about shedding light, and shedding light is gonna come with good, the bad, indifferent. It's time for you to see what it is that we need to fix. And right now you're in a situation where you're not feeling like you got purpose in

your life. But here's the thing. When you identified and you said that you have a bartending job by trade, and you're right about passion, Well, we're all about pursuing passion. And when you talk about pursuing your passion, that tells you that you're on the brink of greatness, because not everybody has the courage to pursue their passion. M hmm, all right, So if you're on the break of greatness,

let's let's talk about it. When we talk about being great and we talk about having purpose, I mean, look at it. We can look at all the tons of people that are millionaires, billionaires, those who have said that they have found a passion, or they found a happiness, or they found this level of peace of just being wholeheartedly who they are. There's this is that that they

knew what they wanted. I'm looking at this letter, and while you've told me that you know your bartender by trade and your writing gage your passion, I got the feeling that you don't know what you want because you've got too many options to choose from. What do I mean by that, Well, you didn't say being a cop with your passion, Yet you're entertaining that idea. You didn't say unemployment was a passion, but it sounds like you're

comfortable with being there. You're in a situation where you didn't say bartending was your passion, but yet you're complaining about because no more bars are being open. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're being isolated because now it's time for you to walk into your purpose? M hmm. See, when you have other plans like A, B, A, C, A, D and E everything else that you can possibly think in your mind, well, that causes room for distraction, for you not to focus at the heart of the matter.

And usually when we talk about passion, that encompasses purpose, and when we talk about purpose, that talks about beating for something, being alive for something. See, I believe that passion beats on your purpose, and purpose beats I beat, I beat. It gives you a reason to keep going. And that's why you identify with purpose, passion and life. Are you choosing life? Are you allowed? Are you allowing

life to choose you? Now? Yeah? I said crimea wherever because it sounds like you're doing a lot of complaining here, and if you want to keep on doing a lot of complaining. You're gonna watch your dreams float away. Okay, you said that you are a writer by passion. Why aren't you pursuing your passion? That seems quite obvious from point blank. Why aren't you pursuing your passion? Then you said you thought of out being a cop. Why is that an option? And then you just threw occasionally in there?

Or maybe I just finished the book I started writing. Why isn't that at the top of the list. Here's the thing. Sometimes we fall apart so things can fall back together. You hear what I'm saying. Have you ever seen a picture of a mosaic? Right? Mosaic are usually encompasses of little pieces, little pieces that when they come together, they make for a beautiful picture. It's the imagery of it all. And these pieces are broken in different situations.

You know they're looking uncomfortable. Okay, But when you get all those pieces, those different areas of your life, you're different experiences and makes out for something beautiful. Why are you letting um these distractions? Okay? B C. Indeed, the idea of not having a girlfriend who was once your ex and possibly perhaps she was your ex for a reason, Um, get in the way. You're a lot of right now to have all the time that you want to do what it is that you know that you're supposed to

be doing. My only next question is are you sure that's what you want? Because when you want something, you go after it and you see it through. Now you're talking about waiting to uh, this whole COVID thing dies out, Well, heck, you got your whole life to wait to die. But your dreams, that's another story. You know. They said the richest part place in the world is in the cemetery. How many people die with the dreams? It's no shape. But you're not a person that's excused from making excuses.

You gotta laundry list that I'm looking at right now. And you gotta understand too that once you get out of the excuses, you can move forward. Now, you said this whole situation that your girlfriend because she was thinking of you at the time you're ex girlfriend of you not wanting to go to the gym because she was concerned about your health. Well, you're gonna make the excuse like you can't get your foot on the cement and

get to walking down the street. What's stopping you and so you've got to understand why that is so important because your body is your instrument, it's your vessel for where these words are to come to life with. Well, if you aren't taking care of the vessel, how are you gonna pursue the passion? And if you ain't got the passion, where is the purpose? And if you don't feel like you're gonna have purpose that's gonna be compassed with passion? What's gonna push you through to living your

best life? Now? Because you are listening to the Vitamin D podcast, there is something that says you're interested in being yourself? Be your best self. Well, right now, I'm gonna need you to cut the light on, lights on, and I'm gonna need you to see yourself for where you are and where you are right now, I'm gonna need you gonna realize these seeds that you hold in your hand, these acorns, and I understand that in the season,

this might be a soul. In season, it's time for you to get back in the books and to sold those seeds. See, because you got a book inside of you, and you probably have several books. Hey, you might have some movies, you might have some television scripts, you might have a poem, you might be the next editor. Whatever it is, it's time for you to get back to you. It's time for you to love on yourself, because when

you love yourself, you do right by yourself. And you say, I just want to get back to my life to where it was, well, I don't know exactly that's where you wanted to be again. You said your passion was writing, but yet you're talking about having a bar attending. You said that you had got back together with your exul. Wasn't she your ex for a reason? Think about it. I just want you to think about it now. Again.

We gotta understand that greatness was predestined on our lives, but we make the decision in order to be great. So why skill do you want to be great? Remember, your dreams don't work unless you do. Okay, So you're standing with family. You got a roof over your head because they're a lot of sandwich. I'm sure they're gonna allow to feed you too. You're downs. What's stopping you from getting in the car and driving? Uber? I did it? What's stopping you from driving and left? I did that too.

What's stopping you from hustling to get your money, Stop making excuses, put that pants to the paper and write out your book. Your dreams are waiting on you. Go down the block and take a walk. You can't keep wallowing in this sorrowness again. Keep crying yourself forever, and you're gonna watch your dreams slowed away. Now listen, I'm not trying to be harsh, but you've got greatness on your life, and it is my duty to enlist and to tell you that, to ensure because you don't know.

Just you've pursuing your dreams and staying faithful to what means most to you, you could be saving anie of life and another life after that. Because I know my purpose is to speak, and I know my purpose and too was inspired And if this is gonna get you to wake up, to make sure that you get down that book that it is that you're going to write. Can you imagine who may pick up that book that may be in that despaired moment and then you say that next life, it's time for you to be great.

I need you to make that decision. Okay, decide what you want. Understand that it's time for you to love on yourself and get back to writing. Promise you you're gonna be amazed to where it takes you. All right, let's go to the next letter subject. My husband came out to me. Okay, all right, Okay, Dear Dawn. I'm a twenty eight year old female from North Carolina. I'm writing to you about my husband. He's thirty one. We've been married four and a half years. We've never had

issues in our sex life. We both grew up in religious household. However, we've both drifted away from our upbringings. Him a little more so. He said he's known he's gay since high school, but wanted to meet his dad's expectations, so he married a woman me. He doesn't know if he's sexually attracted to me, and doesn't know what he wants. I'm trying so hard to be supportive because obviously this is a really difficult thing for him as well. But

I'm heartbroken. My anxiety is through the roof. I feel so lost that I'm far away from any friends or family. I don't feel like I should tell my parents yet because my mom will overreact. I told my brother and my best friend and my boss because I called out of work the day after he told me. They're all trying to be super supportive, but they keep asking me how I'm doing and what I need, and I just don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

I have a therapist, so I do have a professional helping me with my mental health, and my husband agreed to couples counseling so we can move through this as positively as possible. But the unknowns are just killing me. We had just made plans to solidify her careers and start trying to get pregnant. I don't even know what advice I need. I just feel so isolated. I'm terrified of the possibility of starting over, but I don't know that the idea of staying together is comforting either. Everything

seems terrible. I'm sorry if I'm just complaining. I don't know what to do. In the words Erica, BA do bag lady, You're gonna hurt your back dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold onto? Is you all right? You heard what I said. You're holding on to a lot of stuff? Mm hmm, what do I mean by that? Okay, let's talk about it first. You're carrying a bag of shame. Mm hmm. You're carrying a bag of shame. And it stood out to me when you said that you didn't

want to tell you mother because she will overreact. Hello, she's your mother. Of course she's gonna want to protect you. She doesn't want to know that her baby is heartbroken. A man that she said that she was gonna fill her forever always with isn't who he signed up to be. He isn't the man that she gave her daughter away to. Any mother will overreact, But it's interesting how you're willing to carry it. H you sit in here, um that

you both grew up in religious households. All right, Okay, I feel like there's some responsibility that you've taken this matter too. What do I mean by that you're telling me, in these four and a half years of marriage that you had no idea that your husband could have possibly not been sexually attracted to you. Were you in the same relationship that he was in, Because if he's not sure that he's sexually attracted to you, were you guys

having sex? I mean you said that your sex life was fine and that you never had any issues, but I'm not sure there was anything going on for any issues to be have been made. He you said that, he told you that he doesn't know if he's sexually attracted to you. Now, this can be understood because you grew up in a religious household. So there's this whole possibility that there probably wasn't any sex before marriage. Okay,

I get that. I can definitely see that now that could have been a very reason as to why sex wasn't a main topic, a main thing or essential role that started on the brink of that. But then after marriage happened, Was there any sex that was being hacked? If so? Out frequently? I say this because I'm not sure that if your husband is not attracted to you,

how often the performances are going on? Now there's only so often and and and only very few men who can thank the funk on a queue again, what relationship where you ain? Now, let's get back to carrying these bags. Well, you said that you weren't trying to be supportive because

obviously you understand that this is a difficult time. What have you thought about you for a second, You're carrying this shame that your husband had because he felt as though he had to impress his dad to live up their expectations, but not realizing the sadness and the hurt that you are holding on because you want to make sure that he's still standing. I talked about this in the previous letter. Where is the love for yourself? Hmm?

Where is the discontent or the upset factor that your husband, who you know, I would assume is your best friend and you know a best friend there. The thing that you pride yourself on is your level of communication. But the communication was there was a breakdown so much soul that you had no idea that you were just his beer. Stop playing with me. You had no idea that you were his beer. But again I have to say that you hold some responsibility in this because I don't see

that you are honoring yourself. I say that, and we see this further down in the letter. We see this because you said, Okay, you're signing up to go to some couples counseling so that you can move through this as positively as possible. But it seemed as though you are still stuck in the idea because you had just made plans to solidify your careers and therefore start trying to get pregnant. Well, my question now becomes who are you getting pregnant with, because as of right now, it's

looks like you're in their own relationship with self. But again, we gotta get down to the matter of why are you carrying all these bags now before we start pointing the finger, and we want to just look at him and the fact that he's carrying these expectations and living

up to these regards to his father. I have to turn my eyes at you and say, for as, you're living to up to some expectation with your mother because you are afraid to disappoint her, to say mother, the man that I decided to say yes to, mother, the man that I introduced you to, mother, the man that I told you I would like you to give me a way too, doesn't want me after all. But if you look at it, I can understand those pressures. You grew up in a religious household, so that means start

a family, But you gotta understand every house. It's not at home. So I'm not sure what you're putting together now. Do you're gonna drown yourself and mystery because you don't want to disappoint because at some point you are going to have to go ahead and free yourself. Fantasias told you that, and get out of this relationship. But I'm not sure that you really need advice either. I think what you need to do is that you're gonna have

to make a choice. I think that's what we feel with life, and life is all about making a choice. We need to choose what kind of life that we want to sign up to live. Do you choose to honor and love and respect yourself? Because when you make that choice, you abide by that. See, you can't be what you aren't are already, do you hear what I'm saying. You can't be composed of something that you don't have

the pieces too. So if you are saying that you are this upright woman and you want to walk with an amazing man who loves you, well see everything that you thought he was gonna be mm hmm, Because it sounds like he may have been good looking for the outside and the picture was nice, but he's not who he signed up to be. And you shouldn't carry that guilt now. What you will carry now is if you decide to stay. But I'm gonna need you to choose you, and I need you to choose to be great, and

I need you to choose to love you. Okay, And you're gonna have to realize and come to this understanding that he does not want you, that you're not what he wants because you don't have what he needs. Hey, guess what. Frankly speaking, he doesn't have what you need either. So I need you to make a decision. You are going to have to make a decision and let these bags down because honestly speaking, you can't do everything for yourself, and you can't do everything by yourself. You are going

to have to list more supporting. It sounds like you need your mother. You're gonna need your mother to get you this. Yes, she may have a moment, But what you're gonna have in this secret, what you're just gonnaway stay in this relationship and have your mother, your your husband just tipping out. How long are you gonna carry yourself with the stress and relationship. See, when you carry on to the stress, these diseases come into your body. Stress will take your health away like a thief in

the night. You know, I was on a game show Let's make a Deal, and we were leaving out from the staging area to go down to the office so that we can put out the paperwork to win our prizes. So I sat down with this nurse and we were just talking about life and just talking about different things, and and we were talking about the main thing that takes people out in this world. And she said, well, you know a lot of people think cancer, and I'm thinking,

like BEINGO. Yeah, you know, my mother died of stage for a breast cancer, so I can understand and I can relate to that. She said, non't the main thing that people die away is stressed? Well, hey, you you you said it right here. You said, the anxiety is taking you through the roof m and you're at a point that you're far away from any family or friends.

So who is there? Are you? Are you just gonna allow yourself to spiral out of control because this career that you talked about, how you guys were talking about solidifying, will you had to call off work in a minute. You're not going to even have a career to solidify, so that that can becomes silent. Do you hear what I'm saying? Now? The whole idea of this couple's counseling so you can move through this as positively as possible. I'm wondering what kind of outcome you're wishing for now.

Is this couple's counseling is in a sense of so there's an understanding and there's a communication, and now we're getting a sense of why we must go our separate ways? Or is this a situation what you're trying to figure out how to work this out together? Take some time and think about it. But I'm gonna need you to choose you and to love you and understand that you deserve a husband that's going to be open. And I want to say another thing, you're twenty eight years old.

If you look at the statistics now, people your age are not even in a relationship to even have a baby yet. Now, I'm not saying that it's a common thing to do or uncommon. It's whatever you choose. But what I'm trying to say, you still have a lot of life to live. Don't forget that. So don't let this stop your life. And that's what happens with bad LADIESY When you're carrying so much stuff in a minute,

you're gonna be stuck and you can't move. When you decide to love on yourself, you decide to realize how freek you really are. So I encourage you to pack life. Take note from Ericabado. Okay, all right, let's move on to the next month subject, life's been derailed. Dear Dawn. I'm a forty eight year old woman living on the East Coast. I feel like I've lost a lot of

my mojo on the last month thanks to a poor discipline. See, I've been able to keep my head through the last few months and even years through a mind buless practice. Every day I wake up before dawn, meditate than have a cup of coffee, focusing on the things I'm thankful for and what I planned to do as the sun rises. I started in my twenties and ever since I've kept it up for almost every day, and I just feel like it centers me. But since this pandemic started, I

have actually found myself more busy, not less. The nature of my job was such that I could work from home, but my job description changed to the point that I can no longer effectively do my morning routine. On top of the fact, I'm sharing my apartment with my twenty three year old sister who was going to graduate school online. There's not a lot of space there, and it feels

like there's less time in the day. Now. I'm no stranger to change, but with something so central to my daily routine being thrown off, I just feel like I've been spiring the last two or three months. I've tried waking up earlier, but my body just feels exhausted and I end up being worse at work. Do you have any advice? How can I get back into my groove or even soften the pain of establishing a new one. And the words so the brother I s cute, check

yourself before you rack yourself. Yeah, I said it, check yourself before you rack yourself. What do I mean by that? Honey? You gotta protect your peace. This is what you said that stood out most. You know, Um, let's let's let's look at it here. When you look at a boat, right, they have something called the anchor. Anchor is kind of like that central thing that gets the boat from just go on whatever. It centers it right, It keeps it steady. And you know, when you're steady, you can see things,

you can hear things better. You'll find it when you're looking for something, you gotta cut down the music because you gotta see better. Or sometimes when you need to hear something, you may need to close your eyes so that you can focus and tune in. Well, guess what it sounds like. Your piece has been um dismantled And like anything, I think we have to take responsibility in our lives. And right now I'm gonna have to get

that to you because you gotta set your boundaries. See, you're thinking of ways of um, what should I can say accommodating everything outside of you? And see what? You gotta understand that some things are non negotiable. And one thing that I know for sure self, you are non negotiable. That's one thing I learned years ago from inspirational motivational speaker, life coach business coach Lisa Nichols. She said, sometimes you have to allow your note to others, whether that be

things or people, to be the yes to yourself. Now I get it. I understand we are trying times. I lived in New York, so I can even understand how small of a space that you may be in. So you gotta find your peace. Now you're taking away or robbing yourself from the one thing that sent her to you, and that was your meditation in the morning, which is something I can relate to as well. I like waking up at a four thirty right before the sun comes up. I got my candle going, I got my incense, and

I'm in my meditation, just connecting with self. And there's nothing like when that sun comes up and it kisses you and it's like everything is cut on, the lights to cut on or right now. You're in a situation where you're missing that. And like I said, I get it. We're in a pandemic. So no, you're not just going out to the coffee shop. You're not just making your simple runs to the bold daked to get what it is that you need. But you gotta make sure to

preserve you. And I understand this job as you know, you're working from home, but guess what you step into the responsibility where you have to set your parameters. You have to set your boundaries. If that means you're not starting work before eight o'clock, seven o'clock, nine o'clock, don't start it. If that means you gotta hit the end work at three, at five, at seven, that means you

gotta stop it. If you don't set the parameters, if you don't set the limit, if you don't establish the boundaries, how can you expect anybody else to respect it? Heck, if you don't see how you expected me to see it. I can't tell you what you need, but you can show me what you want. But see, you can only want what is it is that you know that you need? Does that make sense? Set your boundaries, find your peace.

I can imagine it. Sounds like your sister twenty three, your forty, So that probably means to me that you probably serve as some type of maternal figure for your sister. I get it. But now you're gonna have to start honoring yourself more so, if that means getting up early and not doing the work, it means not doing that. If that means going down walking twenty city box, go

do that. But you gotta find your peace because on the Vitamin D podcast we talk about something to about you being your greatest asset, and when you are your greatest asset, that means your value yourself. You gotta value you yourself. And I blame you because you aren't using your voice, You aren't speaking up for yourself. You aren't telling people what they are your limits. So therefore, there are so many lines that people are crossing. So find out what it is that you want, decide on it.

Then I want you to choose it. Then after you choose it, I'm gonna need you to honor it, because remember, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Speak up for yourself, make sure you're heard, create those boundaries, but more importantly, protect your peace. That's it, all right, Let's go to the next one subject, midlife prices at thirty. They're dawn. Maybe not midlife, but one third life crisis. That's a thing. I feel downright depressed. I should have

done so much more when I was younger. Partied more, traveled, more, taking psychedelics. Now all those things really aren't an option. I've been feeling like I'm grasping it at ways to curate my identity to feel younger. What sucks is that I never got to be the beautiful woman that people desired, and now I never will be. I am very happily married to an absolute amazing man. We have a perfect and healthy daughter. My life is great, but I still feel a voy. My husband and I have been together

for thirteen years. He truly is my dream man, and I would never want to be apart from him, But part of me feels like I missed the chance to ever feel desired. I know that it's very petty and a sad thing to focus on, but I grew up trubby and unpopular and feeling regretful all the things I never did in life. I don't really know how to deal with these complicated feelings. I'm not laughing at you. I'm more so um thinking of the lies that you're

telling yourself. Mm hmm, Well what do I mean by this? You said it in the first two lines, you said I feel down right depressed, Yet followed by a couple of things later, you said that I'm very happily married, I have the perfect and healthy daughter. You know your husband,

he's the dream man. Who are you lying too? Because here's the thing, Just like I talked about in the previous letter, I talked about the anchor and how you gotta anchored yourself because when you're not anchored, you gotta be able to see things leveled right, because you can just wobble everywhere, you know, Can you imagine that ship of that boat, It's just going down all the way down the Pacific. Okay, no dango will. Maybe it should have been in the Mediterranean. I don't know. But in here.

The thing that I find interesting with you is that you said, I'm down right depressed. You have all these regrets, the things that you should have, could have, would have dead. I feel like looking back at all that thing is it's almost like looking through a foggy glass because you can't see what it is that you have. Well, that's because you've been telling some lies to yourself, or maybe you haven't been telling out right lies, but maybe you

haven't decided to see the truth by them. Indeed, we're all about talking about the truth and cutting the lights on. Well, let's take a look. You said, Hey, I didn't have this. I wish the head of that, I'm not even desired. Well, if you want to, first, let's go off of your past and all the things that you wish you could have done you should have done. The first thing you gotta realize is that you weren't in the right mindset to be who it is that you thought you were.

That wasn't the card that you played for yourself. Now you're in your mid thirties and you want to get out and have some fun because of the things that you couldn't do. Then you're thinking of it on the outside because everything sounds like, um, it's a look to you. Everything is about a look. You gotta look. You know, you say you got the dream man because he's so amazing. But how amazing is your man if you don't even feel desired by him? And if you're looking for desire

outside of your relationship, what are you doing in this relationship? Again? I talked about having a look? You said I got the perfect and healthy daughter. What is this perfect thing that you're going after? What is this thing that you're chasing that you feel like you gotta keep up with? The jones is because everybody else did it. So here you are in your mid thirties, going to your late thirties, you got a child, and you try to go out there popping billies and busting it open for a real

one or a fake one or whatever. One mm hmm. Now, if your husband isn't allowing you to feel the desire that you feel, but you've got a couple of issues going on while you're not communicating with your husband, Okay, and clearly he's not communicating on his end with you. This man is so amazing, and you have the dream husman that you've always wanted. Why is it that you're

still feeling like you're laughing? There's definitely some self work to be done here, because if you keep living in yesterday, you don't understand the gift that the President is for you right now. Did you hear what I say? If you're still living in yesterday, you can't receive the gift that the Presence is giving you right now. So again I ask you, what do you want? Well, if you had to choose what you want, it sounds like you

want to be happy. But I'm gonna need you to understand where you are because perhaps if you were that that young woman that was out there traveling so much, who was out there party and so much, and you're taking psychedelics, do you think you would have been a position to receive this man that you deem as so amazing and and the man of your dreams? Do you think it would align you in the proper situation to

have a quote unquote perfect and healthy daughter. Well, you keep lying yourself because you said that in one minute, I feel down right and depressed. But then you're like, oh, my life is great, comma, but I still fill avoid well, how great is your life? You can't fix what you don't need, don't needs fixing. And see, the issue that I see is this letter is that you're trying to fix what's already been passed and what's already done. The past is over and done with. You don't live there anymore.

But you need to do some work in creating who you are right now. And it sounds like you may need to possibly go talk to somebody. You need to muster up whatever it is that you're looking on the outside for. You need to find that within. Do you check what I'm saying? You are going to have to decide to love your self. Now. You know what tops all of this off is that where are you loving you? You know, I can relate to your situation a bit, and I'm not in a situation where I'm married and

I have children yet. But I too have been overweight my entire life. And one day I was talking to a friend and I was just looking. I was like, oh my god, gosh, I have completely destroyed my body. I've ate all this stuff. And my friend said that's not fair because Dawn, you gotta look at what was the situation that you were in, what were you carrying in that moment, because at the time you could not see And the same goes for you. At this young girl could not see. She was in a state where

she didn't know that she was desired. But what makes me alarmed is that now you're in a relationship where you're not feeling desired by your husband. There's some inner work that needs to be done. And it's a conversation that you need to have with your husband because if you aren't desiring you, why would anybody else desire you?

Let down on this beside about everything so great and perfect, and I figure out what the work needs to be done because best believing you're filling down right and depression. You don't think your husband is sensing that you don't think your baby your baby, girl, listen to that check yourself now, and sometimes you're gonna have to do with a check in. Okay, Sometimes you're gonna have to choose to love you, and right now it's time to love you first. Get over this perfect thing. No, what's not

a midlife prices? No, you can't look at yester years, but looking now and love you from where you are now. Okay, all right, we're gonna go with one more last letter. Okay, subject boyfriend doesn't want me to pay Dear Dawn. My boyfriend opened up to me tonight that he doesn't like the way it makes him feel when I spend more money on him or help him out financially. We're both still young. I'm thirty seven and he's thirty five. It isn't something I always do, but have found myself doing

it more lately. He's noticed. I've noticed started to notice it. When I was buying more dinners. He didn't want to cook, and neither did I. So I do take out notice his mood, his changing mood. When he told me once he wasn't hungry, he's always hungry. Today I gave him money to see a doctor and to pay for his meds. He's been sick. He has a job that he feels he's stuck in and is barely making enough to cover

his rent. I love him, I like to build something with him, and was looking at this as a partnership. But tonight he's got me questioning my logic. I have a modest income, less than modest if I'm honest, So now I'm not talking extravagant purchases here. I told him I'd stop it. That's what he needs me to do. He told me that it makes him feel less than I'm partially embarrassed and a little hurt. I'm an overthinker,

and I keep coming back to partnership. If me helping him as offensive in any way, then does he even see me as a partner. In the words of Sister uh Sara, it's time for your men to level up, level up, level up. Yeah, he's gonna have to level up. And I say to you, um, you're gonna have to take yourself off the clearance brack and get behind the glass where the valuables are. Well, what do I mean by that? Is that the fact that you are considering being with the man who sounds like to me he

doesn't have a been ambition? You know me mail, He said, you're gonna love me for my ambition. And see one thing about a man with ambition, They're gonna consistently go after their dreams. They're gonna consistently make it happen. Because this brother says, oh, he doesn't feel like cooking but then it's a shame when you got to bosom. So what you're gonna stand now is hungry. Y'all gonna look at each other, just be hangry and just be mad. Ain't nobody got time for that? How can this man

provide for you? He says he has a job that he feels stuck in and it's barely making enough money to cover his rank. Well, he's okay with being unhappy. What are you? What are you doing? You said, I love him and I'd like to build something with him. What can he bil with He doesn't have the tools. He's in a situation where he's okay with being at

the level he is that right now. The thing I like about you is because that you said, hey, I'll make a modest income, less than most, but it doesn't stop you from doing what it is that you need to do. And you sound like a woman that is resourceful. Okay, it sounds like you do know what you want, but you're not often looking at the fact of what you need. And right now he doesn't have it because the idea that you said that, hey, I'd stopped paying for him

if he needs me to. So in other words, and translation, you are going to shrink in order not to dim his LFE. What when you think about relationships, or at least when I do, you gotta edify each other. You guys should be illuminating off of each other. So if he doesn't have the money, he should be thinking of ways of how he's gonna get the money. But what y'all gon just both just sit there and being happy? What you just sposed to sit there and be hungry?

You just sposed to sit there and not even know if this y'all gonna have enough money to pay your rent on this soul and so partnership you're trying to establish. I can only wonder if, if if you are encouraging him, But you sound like a woman that's gonna hold down her man. So you guys should be talking about dreams or I can imagine you're sharing your dreams and aspirations with him. But guess what he can't give you what he doesn't have. And this man is he's lack an ambition.

I told you got to realize the diamond that you are inside, and you would get yourself off the clearance right and get behind the glass where the valuables are You gotta set your standards for what kind of man do you want, because you gotta understand, just like the fact that he may not have the money right now, that's a reflection of his ambition, the fact that he's staying in the job, that he's not happy, and so what he's just want to call mister rate again, what

are you looking to build? It doesn't sound like he has the bricks. Heck, he doesn't have the tools. I feel like this has been a common thread throughout all the letters that I've read today, and that's about loving yourself, and it's about learning the value of yourself, And honestly, it's the permise of what vitamin D is all about. Vitamin D is all about understanding how you are your greatest asset. And when you realize that you are your

greatest asset, you realize there's value in that. And when there's value in something that you love, you treated with care. You set from boundaries, you set levels of expectations. You understand what it means for somebody reflect and to idify your energy. You understand what it means to level up, and right now, that's what your man needs. Not listen by Nowhere in the means of this letter. Do I understand that he is not a good guy. He seems

like he has an honest heart. Doesn't sound like you said that he's out here and he's sleeping around and he's doing all these things. But my red flag is that he's thirty five. We talk about covering rent, I'm expecting you to talk about y'all trying to cover some mortgagees out here. And if he's talking about he can barely pay his rent based on a job that he despises, how do you grow from that? If the breather isn't happy where he is and has no ambition to take

a step forward where he wants to be. Baby girl, you want to You're you're in a hard place. You're stuck between the rock and a hard place, And I advise you that if that rock is not a diamond, it's time to you to get the stepping. At thirty five, I'm not sure there as much he's gonna change. Are you an overthinker? No? I think you're thinking right on time about what you want from this relationship. But now, what I need you to identify as what you see

yourself as in a partner? What is it that you want to reflect, so that your man can reflect, so that you guys are better union together. Wof how was that, y'all? I I um, I thoroughly enjoyed answering these letters. Um I hope I gave you some insight about your life so that you can see clearly what it is that you want, aspirations that you want to do. But more important me understanding the value in yourself. How you have to set those boundaries, How saying no to others is

yes to yourself. How honoring your passion your dreams will get you to fulfillment. How understanding that you are who you around. If you want to be great, you gotta hangle greatness. Understanding that every relationship that you're in, platonic or intimate, it must be a reflection of who you are. So I'm here with you and I think that we

on the road to greatness. But guess what, Let's keep rocking on this journey together of shetting this light into our lives so that we can see the good, the bad, the indifference for overall, so that we can live our best life. One of my favorite coats that I love to live by, and it says I make myself what I am. I want you to choose whatever you needed by and so on. I just want you to make the decision to decide what kind of life that you want, get out of the situation or get out of the

business of trying to figure it out. I just need you to see the life that you want and I want you to affirm it every day. You know, I have life pat it in my mouth because I speak life on what it is that I want. But I understand what's speaking the life. I gotta see the vision and when they merge, that's when I manifest the reality. We're all about manifesting dreams, reality and purpose right now.

But guess what, I will always be here to guide you, always be here to give you a different inside or a different viewpoints. So if you have a letter you have advice about purpose, life, relationships, anything, send it over to me and don't know's it may end up in the email back and I can give you my advice on it. So go ahead and submit your advice letters

to Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. That's Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com and be sure to catch us every Monday on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast for more insights and inspiring conversations from some of your favorite celebrities and people just like you. Just like me where in mine To make sure you're excited about life. And if you can't get enough Vitamin D, follow me

on all social media at Dawn day Speaks. That's Dawn d a I speaks on all social media all right, Well, until next time, Always remember you are your greatest asset.