Surthrival Mode (w/ Pervis Taylor)

How often have you found yourself ignoring something that has been bothering you because you thought looking at it, sitting in it would be a sign of weakness. I know I have. I think it's human to not want to seem like you're wrong or like something's wrong. We all want to be perfect at some point in our lives. But what we need to understand is that while perfection isn't possible, becoming better requires that we not ignore what's

happening to and within us. That's why I'm talking to life coach and author Purvis Taylor, who was joining us to talk about this new book, Sir Thrival Mode. Young men across America are going through a crisis and have been for decades, The tendrils of toxic masculinity have wrapped themselves around millions and millions of young men, poisoning their

relationships with themselves and those who they love. By learning to take responsibility for their situation, through what he calls the four a's of surt thrival, Purvious believes that young men can find a better, healthier, and more satisfying vision of manhood. In this episode, we talk about overcoming shame, effective communication, and how you can use the four a's of the thrival in your everyday life. So, without further ado, it's time for your dose of vitamin dain. D right

with me and get excited about your lives. Hello, can you hear me? I can hear you. Can you hear me? I hear you perfectly. You can see me? Yes, I can see you. Howard ate you? Okay? Mom? Vida No, I have a ton of friends that went to Howard, so okay, so you know the love is there. Yes, I'm just trying to understand how come you didn't make

the decision to go to Howard Purvis. Well, you know what happened was I ended up getting a full scholarship to University of Miami, and at the time Will Smith had that song out Miami, and that was like the deciding fact that I was like, I gotta go to bake going to Miami, Iami. I was trying to figure up. I was like, mommyyam, it isn't that crazy. And sometimes you'll hear a song and then you find out like years later, sometime a decade, like dag I messed up

up a while ago. Yo. It happens to me all the time, especially listening to Tony Brexton songs. You cannot make sense with the song God. Purvis Taylor is here on the Vitamin D podcast. Oh, good afternoon, good evening, Good morning, wherever you are, how you doing. You know, I'm amazing energy. Shout out to you, Thank you, I'm a reflection to you. I'm so excited about this conversation.

Same here, same here, um and just reading over you know, your author of an amazing I mean, I don't know if it's appropriate to call it a self help book, a self help guide or just a transparency I don't know what, but it's called sur thrival molde yes, and you're making me feel all woman side because when you know, when you have people in your presence that shed a light on a situation where we're so used to me in in the dark about that affects the unit and

the foundation of the development of a human being, that is going to ripple down to affect someone else's. Okay, that's something that's something that to get excited about. Well, thank you, thank you. Yeah. No, I I am so honored and humbled that people are responding to Survival Mode with the intent in which I wrote it, you know what I mean, and that it's really transforming the lives of men. And you know, so many men are now

who reach out to me who I don't know. They're like, Pervise, I'm in therapy now because of this book, or I've apologized to my my baby's mother because of his book. So it's it's really like I can't even put into words how much how grateful I am that that people are really responding to it. Well, I'm sure that whoever is sitting here and their listen, I was like, well, what is the response about. Come on, tell us about you and and tell us about your book, sir, Thrival Mode.

So about me? I am My name is per Sailor the third I am an award winning celebrity life coach speaker and author of the book Survival Mode. Um. I've been allowed life coach for ten years. I love what I do. I love helping people to get to a space of thriving and homeless. UM. My books to Thrival Mode is written specifically for men of color, but it applies to everyone. It's a book that so so looking backtrack, so with trauma in life, we tend to do two things.

We either build a house and reside at it, or we build a bridge to help us take us to the next place that we need to go to in life. And what I wanted to do was create something that was gonna build a bridge for men who I knew were struggling with the traumas, who I knew was struggling with their emotions and mental health. Um. And so the book is that so until I call this Thrival, So I'm taking you from surviving to thriving and the book

being the bridge. So the book is, it's it's very it's a it's a quick read, as you know, it's quick read, and um, it's really steeped and transparency about my narrative and the narratives of men that I've actually had the privilege of walking through the process of surviving mode and getting them towards a place of homeless. So it's really about helping men to um find language, to process their emotions, to really deal with their mental issues

and empowerment as such. And so when you're speaking about these young men and who's ever listening, what are they start thriving through? Man, there's so many things. So for me, I sur thrived through molestation, having a father died of a heroin overdose, UM, being homeless, being emasculated and bullied, so many things in my life. UM. For some of the men in the book, it was the loss of a parent, UM, loss of a mother or father, fatherlessness, or just low self esteem or just just whatever. Just

you know, it's human beings. Men were human beans, and I think sometimes black men were human beings that they sometimes people forget that. And so just whatever is trancing the trauma that human beings experienced Black men and are experienced.

And so it's those things that they're since I'm driving through and I like how you said that, because you know, just growing up in an African American household, and you know, one if there's not one disparity of a man not being there, and then like you said, a man not able to be a human a feelings having to take care of everything. You cannot express emotion because it's weak.

And then also this whole thing that there's a sense of shame and and whether like how you said, whether it's the death of a prayer, whether there's somebody that is homeless, whether it's molestation, whether it's hoarding, it's a thing where we don't let other people in our home. Yeah, and I thought it was so magical, And before I jumped too far ahead, what I love about this book is that we're talking about wounds that took place right and in order for wound to heal, you have to

air it out. Yeah. Yeah, And I think that's that's really the most powerful part of it. You know, I always say to my clients, and only what you confessed can be healed. And and so one of the things the reason why I sharp my narrative is because I wanted brothers to know that they're not alone, and that I'm not better than them. I'm not I haven't arrived. I just may have a little bit more tools in my tool box than they do, and I want them to have the tools, the tools that I have in

my toolbox. So it's really and and really teaching them, you know, I say in the book, so I have four a's, the four a's of start mode, and they are acknowledgement, acceptance, articulation in alchemy and what you're talking about the airing out part, that's the acknowledgement. And you know, I always say that Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful because every single meeting that they have, they say, my name is pervious and I'm an alcoholic. So there's a power

in airing out. There's a power in addressing, There's a power in acknowledgement, and that's the beginning of any breakthrough. M and so interesting, look, wait, why am I getting so exact? Let me calm down. I'm about to jump through this screet And the thing that's so interesting, and I think that when we talk about the healing process and like you said, um, hearing it out, is that for that breakthrough, sometimes you gotta break in order to

get through. And that means sometimes you gotta go through those pieces to put together your picture. You're mosaic where its uniquely uh filled with so many colors that isn't

depicted on what your view is. So as we talked about one of the first days and we talked about acknowledgement, tell me what life was like growing up for you, man, I always say I had like this interesting dichotomy because I had like parents that were so supportive and and and really you know, empowered me every day and told me that I was amazing and I was there for a great things. You were right. However, you know at school, you know, I was called punk, fag and c see.

I was called all types of names. I was a nastallated. I was told that, you know, women would never find me attractive or or you know, I was just it was just interesting. And so my trauma response to everything was that I achieved so like I made straight a's, I was in the honors and gifted program. But inside I literally cry every night thinking about all the things that people will say about me and questioning if it

was true or not. UM. It also been added the layer of being actually molested in feeling like your manhood is taken from me and feeling emasculated in that way UM and really not really having an outlet to talk about it. It was definitely stifling, and I and I look best. Sometimes I wonder like, how did I make it through that? Because I didn't have anybody who who I felt safe around to really just even share about

it because people couldn't identify. And I think it's interesting that you say that, because it's one of those things where people don't talk about and it's like it's it's in the room clearly. Just like anything in a try, you start to surround yourself and it's thinking about the healing process. So who molested you? And what was that? How old were you when this process began? I was seven and it was a friend of the family and it was in the qualified. Wasn't a continual thing, it

was it was a one time thing. But it was one time. Was all this to throw you off? Um? But yeah, no, I was. I was seven years old. And then I think the added layer of people calling the names kind of exacerbated it. That carried with me through high school. Did you tell your family about this? Like? What was that? Like? Like this happened? How did you know that it was wrong? I knew when it was happening that it was wrong, but um, I didn't say anything till to my father died, like I had suppressed

that um when I srew me forward. So my father died, that's when I remembered everything that was happening. So I was an adult at that time, so I wanted to make sure that I worked through it before I told my family what was happening, what it happened, whatever happened. I think it's interesting that sometimes man and I feel like that or even women are fine. Shame when they are victim to sexual molestation is that you start to question who you are and whom you're attracted to mm

hmm in the course of that. Because again, this conversation is more so to talk to anybody who is feeling this, like there's ways and I feel like even this year, I don't think it's by mistake that your book is about this and just just things that are circulating, how you know, and it's getting the vision and saying what

it is and what it's not. And I didn't say this before, but one thing about vitamin D it's all about shedding like that energy that you felt, I want that exude and I gotta understand that even in my healing, So in this whole process, wish you in a light on the good, the bad, and different. It's gonna be uncomfortable.

I know I've put myself into that. So I wonder was there ever a situation where after you got to the process that you acknowledged and and um now the process and when your father passed away, that's another ay. I don't know if that moost articulation. But what I'm wondering is is that what was the impact that it had on you about whether or not it was questioning who you were? Did you find yourself attracted to man? Did you feel dirty when a man was around you?

Were there uncomfortable situations in the locker room? Yeah? That we was definitely all of all of those things, and you definitely look at yourself and you're like, I think one of the things I've come to understand. It's like today, at four years old, I understand that if a woman finds you attractive, she finds a man attractive, there's there's gonna be men to find that same man attractive, right,

So I understand that now. Back then, at four I did not understand that, And there were definitely situations in locker rooms where you'd be like, oh, what has happened, I gotta leave, you know what I mean? Like and you could sense that some stuff was about to go

the um um, I definitely. I don't know if I necessarily say that there was like a full on attraction to me, but I the thing that I would say that I was attracted to was the seeming confidence and surety of who they were and and and the power of that masculinity which they rested it. That was what

I was attracted to. More so that I guess, um, I'm gonna be with this guy if I never felt that, But I definitely felt this like they had something that I didn't have, if that makes sense from my knowing, And that's why I said this conversation from my knowing of who I am done to this age, because like

you said, sometimes we can bury things. From my knowing, I've never been sexually molested, but like my sister has worked in this field for so many years, and she talks about how you know, you can bury certain traumas and how things can trigger things that you don't know why you're acting, you're doing what it is that you're doing. And so I if somebody had a talked about it, whether just you know, sweeping under rug like in which you discussed or something that you looked as a shame.

It's say, wait, you're a child one. Why are you having these conversations too? Why are you feeling these things? Not maybe in some instances where it's wrong, But the more important question I always wonder is why. And so when you say, like, hey, they had something that you did not have. Well, in my ignorant opinion, and I use that lack of knowledge, I would think so because something was taken from you, right. And then also on the other side, not necessarily, you know, I mean like

I had some things. I recognize this, and I say this to all my clients, said, no, one is more ill equipped, which is more ill informed? I just wasn't informed the work of the things that I have inside of me. Like I have the gift of transparency. I have the gift of being resived. I had the gift

of being vulnerable. I had the gift of being comfortable in my skin no matter what you think about me, you know what I mean, Like, those are the things that I that I possessed during that time, but I didn't know that I had it, And it was through the process of me going through those stages of the thriving mode unconsciously but consciously and recognizing that I did

have it. And I think, like how you said, it's like sometimes you're in the room, you don't even know that the lights are off until they're on, and you can't tell me that I'm not saying because I'm telling you what I can see. And so that's what I want us to do with the thrive the mall today. I need to flick the switch. I had some people. I made an announcement on my weekend segment on the Steve Harvey Morning Show, and people were coming in the dam like, oh, what's this book about? And I'm like,

you're gonna have to tune in. They don't have to tune in. So, as we're talking about you got to the place of acknowledgement, let's just dive in a little bit more about the importance of the four a's and and and what that process. It looks like, as you know, the beginning of a problem, that statement that there is

a problem. So that's the acknowledgement, right, that's just saying like okay, even if it's not verbal, but it's something inside of you saying like you know what, there's something that happened, is there's something not working or there's something that I need to address, right, So that's the beginning of it, right then the acceptance and can you can

you relate this to your life? So for me, it was like when Daddy passed, it was I acknowledged that there were some things that I hadn't addressed and that I kind of have held hostage for a long time because at that time I was working at Death Jam, I was signed with Wilhelmina Models, and I was just focused on succeeding, right because I feel like success we

get rid of all those things that I'm holding hostage, right. Um. But when he passed away, so suddenly I started to acknowledge that there was some brokenness inside of me, Like I don't know what this is specifically, but there are some things that are not that are not happy, that are not working. What was happening when you're not showing up with your friends? Were you crying? Like you know what? I had a breakdown, a nervous breakdown on the train

in New York City. I literally um came back from his train because I didn't cry, and I told my family not to cry. And I literally was riding home on the train and listened to my this man, that's something in dating myself, like this man. And I think I was listening to a song by TLC and I think it was a song that they did that they did for Left Eye, and it was just one line in the song, and I really just started crying and I fell on the dirty train floor and I lost it.

And that was the person in my life I've ever had a breakdown, the only time I when we had a breakdown like that. And that's why I was like, Okay, even though I hadn't been you know, I hadn't gotten a clinical degree that I have now, but I knew at that moment, okay, this is the beginning of something and so and so once I started so once I experienced that break out, I said, okay, I need to really sit with myself and explore, like what is going on.

So I started to remember that, you know, people used to make fun of you. I used to remember that um that you know, that person molested me. I remembered feeling inadequate. I remember sitting in my cause and crying. I remember thinking about stools. I remember all of those things and so like that was the acknowledgement for me.

Then after I started to acknowledge it, I recognized I read this book by Beth Moore and it's called Get out of That Pit, and that that book was so trans transformation, as well as this book by Dr Harry Cloud and John Townsend. It's called How People Broke And one of the the things they talked about was, you know what I developed to be only what you confessed to

be here. And so after I went to that, after I acknowledge, I went to this place of acceptance, which was really really hard for me because acceptance almost in some ways can feel like you're condoning what happened. But none at all. Uh No, I said, oh, because I'm like, tell me more, like we gotta go underlying. So acceptance can feel like you're condoning, but it's no, it's just saying that you're receiving that it happened. The last stage of grief is acceptance. Right, this person is gone, this

thing happened. I have to accept this. I have to receive that this happened. I didn't want it to happen. I don't agree with it, but it happened, and and that space is so powerful and I think so many of us feel like that's a place of weakness, but it's a place of power. So for me, I had to accept that my daddy got over HEROD and those which I was completely embarrassed about, ashamed about. I had

to accept that. You know that I was struggling with my identity at the time, identity as and just in every aspect man, sexuality, every everything, everything everything at that time, like I just didn't know who I was. Um I had to accept um, you know, like just everything in my career wasn't going to where I wanted to go, like it just everything in my life just was not what I wanted it to be at that time. So I had to accept that. And that was and that

took me a long time ago. But once I did it and got me to a place of of clarity, and it got me to the place of articulation, right, I was able to identify those books I talked about, they said, you gotta have a safe space. So I think to buy one person who I felt could be a safe space. And his name is Kim And he went to my Bible study and I remember just telling a kid everything how old are you? What's from the point of your father? So this is like so right

after like a couple of months or whatever. Yeah, so I you know, I'm articulating. So I'm expressing with kim like. And I've always been a good communicator. I've always been able to verbalize Williams of experience. And that's the one thing I do want to circle back. And my father and mother allowed me to do. They did allow me to he mote. They kept it to a minimum, but they did allow me to express what I was feeling.

So shout out to purpose to Jackie got rested so um, so I was able to articulate what it is that I was experiencing, what it happened, everything that happened. And once once that happened, I thought this freedom lifted off on me. I felt this freedom lifted off me and and I remember being at a Biber study one day and Chris Burge, who was the Bible story teacher, said he said, life happens to you, but life happens from you.

Life happens to you, but life happens from you. And when he said that, what I had like that because I was focusing on what was happening to me? And now what was happening from me? Right? So I recognized that I had something that could happen from me, which leads to the stage of I don't think right, which leads to the space of purpose. You were emasculated for most of your life. Now you empower men in their masterlinity. How the hell did that happen? You know what I mean?

How do you transform all of that pain, all of that stuff that you've experienced in your life? How did you make it become something greater than what you experience? And so that's that's it, in the space of surprivamore. And I was just and I see people and I'm so obsessed with people optimizing their pain. I just got the reading Mariah Carey's memoir and how all of her songs are about the trauma of her childhood. And now she's, you know, one of the most successful artists of history.

She transformed that and wait and then if you think about it, her whole um her I want to say, image icon is all about being a butterslide and that whole transformation aspect and being uncomfortable because you're breaking through that pain and in thriving in your eyes. I'm listening. Yeah, so it so it's all of that. So for me, the alchemy part is my favorite part of it because it's like, you know, alchemy is really turning you know,

lead into gold. You know, the first miracle that Jesus did in the Bible was turning that water into wine, and so like, how did I It's about transforming the water into a sweet wine. And so one of the things I had to do in that process of alchemy is forgive. I had to um, I had to have a vision for myself. I had to believe that I was worthy. I had like that space of alchemy is comprising all those things, believing, um, receiving, surrendering, and I talked about that a lot in the book. We have

to surrender. We surrended to the negative every day, but we don't surrender to the positive. If we're surrendering to the fact that these things happen to us, why can't we surrend it to the fact that God already made away for us. Why can't we surrender to the positive of of who we are. I had to dig and find the great things about me about purpose, because now purpose today I can walk in the room. You can't

tell nothing. You understand what I'm saying. But I had that's because I really dug deep within myself and I had to find those nuggets. I had to find those treasures that everybody has within them, right. No one is more ill equipped, just more elmform. So I had to find all that stuff inside of me. And then I started to say, you know what, if I'm hurting, I don't want to see another young man hurt. I don't want to see another man hurt. And so that was

the beginning of it. I don't want to see I don't want another young man, or another man for that matter, to go through what I want through, or another human being. I want to help people to find their greatness, right, and so like that's how I became a life coach because I wanted to see people thrive. I wanted to see people be home. I I always do this exercise. I asked people, I said, if you could have if you were superhoro you had a superpower, what would it be?

And my answer is always if I could touch you to see how amazing you are, so that you can see how amazing you are, that would be my superpower. And so that was being really definitely like a gift that keeps on giving. And as you're talking about the life coach, it goes back to the whole idea of when you're talking about toolboxes, right, and you gotta have your tools and pulling them out. Well, I think one of the key tools, and like you're saying, is finding

that safe space, finding somebody you can talk to. But when you look in the culture, whether it be primarily African American or is men in general, it's taboo to even address that something maybe quote unquote wrong upstairs, or your mental health is to question, or the fact that you want to go to therapy. Why is that taboo? Why is this so bad? If you're sick, you're gonna go to the doctor. If you broke a bone, you're

gonna have um, you're gonna get a cast. So if things aren't wiring and adding up, why are we talking about it? We know you know what it is. I think for a lot of us, we've never seen wholeness in our communities. We've never seen a whole person. We've never seen somebody thrive emotionally and mentally as well as financially. Right, you've seen the financial aspect, but we haven't seen the

human being aspect. I'm not saying that that doesn't exist, but I think I think the challenge of that is is that for us, I think to your point that you so eloquently stated, we equate mental health with brokenness or something's wrong as opposed to wellness and maintenance. And I think that's that's the fine line. Like that, No, it's it's about meat. That you go to the doctor for a checkup, you go get your car for a tune up. Why are you not doing the same thing

for your mental right? And that's mental health is everything. If I've coached people, I've only celebrities who have had millions of dollars right and they've said to me, purpose I would give you all the money, I have to have the piece that you have right now. So the point and so the money ain't ain't it. It's the peace and the self reconciliation. It's the self grace that's really what it's about. And so like I think for us, we need to have an understanding that it's not just

about getting the bag, it's about getting piece. It's about rec and siling issues and accepting and letting going and forgiving, and and and and and being a vessel to help others change. That's what us me. Yes, come on and understanding if you're so purposed, just as if I think one of the principles when you talk about being a vessel. One of my favorite flowers are sunflower and yes, sorry okay,

And you know you notice they're so purpose like. One of the things they're known for us to help fertilizing something else. And we talk about life coming from us and whichever form it is to reproduce, whether that be joy, whether that be a life, whether that be a creation of a building, whether that's to exercise the peaceful guess what. The machine has to be working properly. And I think oftentimes we forget to do like you said, that tune in and that check in with the machine. But then

here's another thing that we're looking at in a society today. Well, everything is about the perception. It's about the look. Where is their room to breathe? And even in your book and you spoke about this, you talked about a friend who you know um on social media. They live in a life turned up or bon or get it out,

but sacredly inside like you said was broken. Tell us a little bit about that story and how that plays in society of this deception while we build up Well that's you know, we can talk about that all day. But this particular friend, Um, he was married at the time, and he and his wife would always putt these pictures. They were always like, yo, I love my wife, I love my baby. When vibe here here, there, there there, and be like you perish, like I can't do it,

like I just like we'll getting the words. I don't like, I don't I don't love her, I don't look And I would say to myself, be like, bro, but why are you creating this image for the world. Why, Like, what what's going on with you? And and ultimately he ended up sharing that he had some you know, that he had been abused his child, you know, he had other wound. He had a bunch of stuff going on at the time, abused Like, how is this the same

as a molestation? Yeah? I think so. And he didn't go into that much detail, but he did say that he experienced, um, some abuse. And I and I depend upon their comfort level our private Yeah, so I'm just assuming something happens to him that altered his life, and I think there's so many people who are like that. I took all the time, like you don't let social media fool you. Don't let it fool you because you have no idea how people is curated. People want you

to think that they have it together. People want you to think they live in this perfect life, and that's just not reality. It's not And you talk about this, you talk about how sometimes you know, we live in this world illusion and how it's actually the opposite of acceptance because you've created another world that doesn't exist. Yeah, and at least the narcissism, which is which is very dangerous, you know, because narcissism there's not really a cure or

treatment for it. That's something that you have to treat yourself for. And so that's the space you don't want to live in, is you know, when you do, when you are delusional, you create these worlds. It does suit you for a time being, but then there's going to

be a time when the reality when it crashes. So let's you know, that's something that has been coming up a lot surrounding me of you know, whether it's looked at selfishness or narcissism, it's about let me make this image and law as it fits okay with me, because I'm thinking about my well being first. When we talk about wellness, and we hear this a lot like being on the plane, make sure you put your oxygen on

so that you can help somebody else. So I can imagine there's a silver lining or kind of like a fine line of me loving on myself and then me being so narcissistic that I'm consumed with myself. Can you help me see between that? The thing about narcissism is that people don't understand that narcissism is typically a trauma response. It's a trauma response to feeling fragile or is extremely insecure inside. And so what it is you create this

inflated version of yourself in order to survive. And and so I think that people don't understand that's the undercurrent of it. But to that point of what you're saying is like so many of us are so enamored with ourselves, and I think that's because some and I actually think that the largest hope is that the connectivity, the connection that we had as human beings, um the accountability. Like no one wants to be wrong, you know, like, we're

we want to be perceived as perfect. It's it's killing us. And so like that aspect of it. UM is why you see so many people who are narcissists, because we don't want to be wrong, we don't want to grow, we just want to be perfect. And I think that

because we see manicured um people on social media. We see these Instagram models who have these perfect manicured bodies and these guys who have these perfect rup of bodies, and you're thinking that that's it, but you don't know what's on the other side of that, what they have to do to maintain that. And so I think it's just true. It's so convoluted. I just think that it trickles down into this. We don't want to have accountability.

We don't want to own anything that we've done. We it's just we just want to look like we have it together, which obsessed with that it's very dangerous. So talking back with your friend from social media, so once he comes to you, he's like, purpose, I can't take it. I got this wife, We're out here looking like we're living the life of our dreams. What was the point that he came to as far as the alchemy part because we we did the he accepted it or acknowledge it,

So I'm not happy. Okay, acceptance it did happen, articulated articulated the what happened after that, well, I think it was apology towards his wife to his ex wife, and the space of like really embracing who he was and really being like an advocate for communication with men, like talking about those uncomfortable things. So like he now is

he now encourages those conversations. He's now a person who is vulnerable, vulnerable enough to talk about the things that he giving over his marriage and you know, and telking to other people, especially for young couples that are getting married. He definitely is like that guy who definitely will tell you about how he messed up and how he getting

addressed in the issues going to his mess. So I think that what he did with alchemy was like the ownership, the accountability and not being afraid to share with others. So at this point in understanding, when we talk about this whole magical transformation state, at the alchemy and kind of stage, um, did it go into a place where he was able to be in another relationship? Did he find himself that he was in a relationship with a woman a man, like, what was the we get out

of that? What transforms? And said and and I know and it's not like the I know it's like a touchy topic, but it's real because I feel like people, you know, I know friends, men and women that have questions because of being molested as a child and leading to narcissum and everything else, depression and not being able to see and it's like, let's call a spade of spain. Well you're yeah, So to that point, I'm sorry. I wasn't. I didn't know you want to go all over there.

But now he's solid, he's good today, and I think that he does not want to be be married, but I think he's open. I think he's open to love and marriage again. But I think he's more focused on really becoming who he's supposed to be and really developing himself and focusing on him, which I think it's something.

If I'm honnest and knowing him on these years, he's never really done and so like for me, like I feel like he's engaged in alchemy because now he's focused on him, he is he would love to be married to a woman again. I think at some point he's open to off. I will say that I don't want

to score. He's open too long again, right, And I think that's so beautiful to just you know, talking about the alchemy process because it reminds me like you talked about on social media, we try to come up with this perception of it's beautiful and not really knowing what

it took to get there. But if something has a value to it, right, there is a process that had to endure, whether it be a tropical place it's it's storming all the time, whether it's the beauty of that diamond, realizing over time what as you may have said before, was lead that turned to gold, but this cold that turned into a diamond. And always say what allows a diamond to shine are the multitudes of cuts that have

in place within it. When you can walk up and say depression, molestation, insecurity, failed job, failed promotion, and step into the light and say you see me, I made it. And I love what you said because you said even as you're talking about thriving and what you want would have realized is that the becoming that you said, I'm consistently becoming it reminded me of Michelle Obama. But it reminds me to your story because what I did understand that you said you had to breakdown, right, But how

did you know? I think you said your your friend's name was kenn. How did you know that you could be vulnerable? How did you know that that was a possibility. Well, I'll tell you like this, for me being a person who is emotional and recognizing that I am an emotional man, right, and I embrace it and I and I own it and I love it. Actually, but when you with the mind can handle, it imposes on the body. And at that point, but the mind can't handle, it imposes on

the body. I was literally getting sick. My hair was falling out, um, I had hives, I was shaking, I had a twitch. I didn't like that experience. My mom always said, when you want to get up a rollercoaster, you will get off, and so that was a moment for me. I was like, I don't care what it

looks like. I don't care if anybody says, like having that anxiety in your body, and literally when I probably should have been taking med for it, having that little of anxiety, I was like, Nah, if I, if I'm listening to what Beth Moore and these doctors are saying, if I confesses of how it is releasing it, I'm willing to run the risk of looking crazy. So for me, I wasn't afraid to look crazy. Because you have to save in your life, I'm not trying to save my life.

I love that because I think that when we talk about society and today and how it is about putting everything on blast, you gotta realize you gotta protect your boundaries and you got to know your space, your capacity and even understanding that space, how much are you're holding and how much are you necessarily caring that it's unnecessary because I feel like the all we put on the

more is that we try to control. And one of the things that it just even as I'm looking at you and even as you're explaining, like like I was going through this, I was like and I was like, no, your body relaxed, there was you, you exhaled with your voice. It's that whole thing of letting go because I felt like when we're holding on to stress, and like what I talked about invitamin D is similar to what Erica do talked about even when her old tract that was

ahead bag lady. It is what you break your back. It will slow you down and like you said, keep playing if you want to, you will be shut down on the get down absolutely and listen. I'm forty. I don't look for you, and I'm thankful for that because I wouldn't know when you said, I was like, okay, skid care. I'm forty years old and I had and I have a youthfulness to me, and I think that's the number one god ye for all years stuff I've been through, but also to because I literally incorporate. I

try to carry stuff. I trying to suppress any thing. Um. I try to really release stuff as soon as possible because I know the benefits of it, and so I know when somebody hasn't done that. UM. And I have to tell you, it's like one of the most beautiful things that you could ever will miss to seem a Roman me so rongable and so fragile and say like, you know what purpose I've been in pain, I've experienced this and now I feel so much free. Um. After I've been sharing it with my wife and sharing with

my therapist. You can just see the comb on the something they probably never experienced in their life. It is one of the most beautiful things you will ever see. He's to be still, Yes, yes, he's be still, And I love that because I think it's to thriveal mode. And immediately before anything, I was thinking us to thrival and I was I was thinking, I was like, Okay,

how is this possible? Because I remember something that I one of the things that I've always dealt with this a weight, And I remember watching the Biggest Louver Loser episode and someone was like, I'm tired or surviving. I

just want to live. But I think what makes it so beautiful even with your title is like what you said earlier on about it being a bridge, and sometimes there's things that that's what is not necessarily going over to escape, but it's just the means of a connection from one side to the next and not ignoring what the pieces, what the steps were to get from one side to the next, because we glorify the beauty of

the ending result. We glorify the beauty of having that dollar bill without witnessing what happened to that tree and how that ink permeated and how it was pressed and putting the heat. But we just see the value, whether it be that or diamond at home or what have you. I love that and so I, like I said before,

thank you definitely with that. But when we talk about these young men, right and we talk about the whole ideal of tackling the mental health, if somebody is listening, you know what is the first step to even seeking out some mental support? Oh man, I mean they're so thankfully now there are spaces like Therapy for Black Men dot org um that have they have listings of therapist, life coaches and mental health advocates that are especial that specialized in working with young men of color or men

of color. So I think that's the great thing I think about twenty today is that I think there are a lot of spaces in which we are now comfortable talking about mental health. And so I think the first step is finding somebody who you identify as a safe space. I speak at universities and organizations and teach them how to develop mental wellness action plan. And I think one of the first things in that mental wellness actually playing

is identifying who who are the safe spaces? Who do you feel comfortable with, who do you feel like they can hold and handle. What is you have to say, because that's the first step is getting a person into a space of sharing, right, because that's what it is. It's not it's not telling your business is sharing. And

that's the first step is really identifying those people. But for that person who you feel as a state space, who can handle, who can handle and shoulder whether the situt what you're sharing, and so how do you show these young men that it doesn't make you not masculine? What one of the first thing I do is I tell my business. I tell them I cagate you know, this is what I'm going through, this is what I've experienced, These are the these are the vulner those spaces in

my life, this is what I've been endured. And I do that on purpose because you know, I trained executives. I say, you know, transparent leaders create environments for sharing. So once I'm in there being transparent, I make it safe and okay for others to share. And so that's that's what it is. I definitely, you know that's my gift. I have no problem telling my business. I love that not be careful because you're talking to me. It's like

to a limit. But I definitely go further than most men do, absolutely, and that that's definitely appreciated because that goes into the next thing I wanted to talk about as to the reason why we may not share because we may feel uncomfortable, is because this idea of shame. Can you tell me what this whole I don't. I don't want to give it power, but you'll be told

there is a lot just me being transparent. I am in a process of what I will say in a cocoon, because what my shame is is getting my home and order. My mother was a hoarder, and I'm realizing because of depression and different things that she didn't deal with of covering up, you collect, you put things on top, but then what happens is that you find other ways to cover up things. And I can see how question things like oh my gosh, and how you said that whole

fear who's gonna put me on last? Or it's that whole thing of judgment. But I'm trying to heal, so if I have to resource and reach out to somebody that has the tools that can put a vision that will put some fire under me, because can I take you here, like, okay, you know I'm going left. You're supposed to be talking. Let me get this out real quick. Earlier this week, and this is exactly what I love

what you're doing. It came to me. I don't know if I was sitting here and meditation or whatnot, but I'm just thinking of how we we put it out there. We want to grow and be more than what we are right now. And if you are a person of faith, whether it being a religious or just something seeking higher above, I'm going to use the faith based moment and you talk about God and knowing that's the Potter's house, right well,

you come in there as a bunch of clay. And if you're asking to step into this greatness, whatever that is, whether it's your money, whether it is successful relationship, whether it's your home, you're asking to be molded. You're asking to be pressed, to be pulled, to have water thrown, and then you're gonna go into the fire because I gotta make sure that you got it right. Absolutely. But in order to do that, there is a power or

a a weight of shame that we carry. Talk to me about it, the power of it and the result of releasing it. First of all, do you know who Bernie Brown is. Every you know what, everybody's been telling me to check her out. I don't know fully, but everybody's been telling me to check her out. So Burnee Brown is like a special specialist in shame, right, Um.

And I actually did a video is a video clipped me actually working with see I made at a university and I was speaking about shame and nomability and she loved them. She retweeted the tweet, so that's like, yeah, she she loved it. But one of the things I think with Shane is the dangerous actually the shame is that it becomes an identity and not a not an experience,

but it becomes in that identity. And I think that's the danger of it is that unconsciously and so constantly we are taking on whatever it is that we're experiencing as who we are and not something that we are experiencing. And that's the distinction. You have to be able to say, like, this is not who I am, and I will not allow this to become my identity. I will not embody this because this is not me. This is an experience. This is something that I'm working through, but I'm not

taking that on as an identity. And that's one of the biggest things that I had to do was say, like, you know what, purpose there's nothing to be shamed about. Use molested this and this and that happened to you, but that ain't who you are. That was never who you are. I had to have that kind of Jesus moment. I'd be like, Yo, that's not who you are, bro. So I had to remove I had to stop embodying myself in that and looking at it and putting off to where it needed to be. So I think the

biggest challenges understanding that that's not your identity. That's the biggest part of shame is that we we emby do it. That's the thing. It's like, what's what's that movie the body snatches. It's like shame comes and snatches ill body up and weird and now we're shame. You can't do that.

You can't body, You can't do that. Another thing that you did talk about is that, um, you know, even in this process, while you know some may say it's like a weakness to come forth and to say with different things that happen to you, but there is a sense of bravery because it's like you know while it is a lot of braver, there's a penalty for that. And you talked about that a little bit in your book.

Can you tell us more you know, I mean there's there's penalty, like you know, your family, your family maybe like why are you telling that? Why you you know, why you're embarrassing thats why you're not keeping you know, family, family business, family business. Um. There's also a perception and how people, how people perceive you, Like there may be in me saying like low, I've been molested. There they're definitely women who just like I want to be with that.

I don't want to do to no man who's been molested let me. And there could be like people can use it as we can say it against you. There's so many penalties that could be used against you when you are vulnerable. But and I always want to make sure that I laid that out, but I also want to show the strength of it. Like how I don't I see Willing Knight he love somebody, you know what I mean? Like I see Willing Knight. I have you know, on a good day, I'm literally levitating you understand what

I'm saying, Like I'm I have I don't. I don't walk around with a heaviness or weightiness to me. And and that's not that's not the brag. It's literally because I don't have a problem being vulnerable. I don't have a problem sharing it because vulnerabilities are straight. Now I'm judicious about who un vulnerable with and what i'mvulnable about it. Come on, discernment, that's the discernment. I know. I can

tell my therapist anything. I see your therapists regularly. I have to because the work that I do, and I can't tell you to see a therapist if I myself aren't are doing that as well, and so like, I definitely know who are the stay spaces. I identify those people who can handle the real, real real if people who can handle a level too. I didnfy people with the level of handle level ten. But there is a power, there's a bravery in confessing what you're going through because

kingdombody to use it against way you can't. You can't beat me with my own truth. You can't beat me with my own truth state I gave you the stick like you can't. And here's the thing too, I think it's interesting when you talk about fear and things like that. We fear what we do not see. But if I acknowledge, I accept, I articulate and now I'm in a transformation process of alchemy. Home shall I fear? Yes, And that's

a power to know that I stand. And I think, you know, just thinking of this thrival mold, it just reminds me of that tree, that tree that standing in. My roots are so thick because I did the healing, I did the transformation, and I'm sucking on my nutrients. That's why I'm thriving. I weather the storm, thank you, Purvis, and I will continue to whether. Because I whether the life storm, I will whether the next one. And that's

the thing too, It's like it's an ongoing process. So again that's why I haven't arrived anywhere, and so like it's new levels, but the new levels, those aids still stay the same. There's new levels as you achieve them, like there's new things, there's new questions, there's new problems and new things as human beings like that, this is part of the journey. But one thing I know for sure is that thriving and being a hole is my birthday.

And once I've experienced that, you can't tell me anything different, So that's that's what's different. Thank you. I keep saying thank you because I need to see more people like you. That's in the whole thing of being a vessel and just healing. I know there's tons more, but as many more people I can use that platform because I need to shed this light. This is a healing movement. And you know, it's just amazing how this dream of vitamin D is just launching this year of just honing in

on that vision. Okay, congratulations, Thank you so much, and thank you for being a part of my dream. I appreciate you. Can I tell you know honestly, like you are masterful and asking questions. Thank you, thanksoud, Thank you so much. You're very masterful asking asking questions that really um bringing your your interviewee in yes, shi me, I just want to I just I love to celebrate. I love to hill with what people do. Well like that's just me so and I think you really don't better.

Thank you so much. And that was a scene that you're planning in me, so thank you. And and for anybody that is listening and they want to know more, they want to get a copy of your book. They want to tell us what would we follow you? What's coming next? They want to stay connected? Oh thank you. Um. So if you would like to stay connected, um, you can go to my website to thrive amode dot com. Um. Also you can follow me on social media at Pervose sailor on all platforms. I just did verify to y'all

verified in the building. If you want to get copies of the book, you can get off Mode dot com as well as Amazon dot com. Awesome, and and and what I have for me next? Um, just doing more talks. Um. You know I've been guests lecturing at university, so that's new. That's awesome. So doing your dad and hopefully going across international waters um. People want me to come over to London Town to to do some Toriba Moore workshops and whatnot. So okay, and and and just lastly, if you could

leave our audience are at the audience. People that's in the room with us, that's in our company are kimp folk. If you can leave them with adults, Vitamin dame, whether it just be a quote something to remember, the floor is yours. So there's a slot in the world history for each of every one of us, either as a world changer or someone who watched the world change choose there it is, Thank you, Purvis, Thank you. You know why.

I thoroughly enjoyed that conversation. It is always so refreshing to speak with someone who is invested in changing and improving the lives of young people by doing so or the opening the doors of their own. Isn't that what it's all about. Isn't it about being our brothers and our sisters keeper? But I'll tell you what it's also about. It's about honoring and acknowledging that you are your greatest asset. And if you don't have self together, I don't care

what you touch, nothing will be together. Because everything's an extension of you. Think about it. Every day you walk out of the house. It's not part of you that goes, it's all of you. And I had to learn that this year and getting the vision with my life. I grew up in the household of clutter. My mother was a hoarder. That is a shame that I've carried my entire life where people were not allowed in. So that means covering things up, that means now allowing room for

new things. Well, it's a new Dawn. It's a new day. I'm cutting on a light and I'm making wrong and I want you to make room with yourself. See the good, see the bad, see the indifferent, and embrace it all because all of it makes you who you are. You're not responsible for what happened to you in your childhood, but as an adult, you're responsible for your emotional and

your physical health. That's the Thrival right there. And if you enjoyed this conversation and you would like to get a copy of Purvis's new book, Sir Thrival Mode, you can do so by checking out the website so thrival mode dot com. You can also find him on social media at Purvis Taylor on Instagram and Twitter. As always, you can catch us here in your phone or whichever smart device you may be listening from every Monday with

more inspiring conversations and insights. And if you're looking to get even more Vitamin D in your life, you can follow me at Dawn day Speaks on all social media. That's Dawn d a I Speaks. Okay, I'm looking forward to hearing from you, and until next time, always remember you are your greatest asset.