Dealing With Loss (w/ Carla Ferrell)

I'm talking about spiritual growth. I'm talking about coming to the realization and walking in it knowing that you are your greatest asset. And as I think about how to grow and how I've grown, what I keep coming back to is this, sometimes the moments of loss is what we gain our greatest growth. Like for me, it came down to losing my mother. Four my mother died, I realized I kind of bet on me. I go so hard because of my mother, I wouldn't be where I am.

And you know, losing my brother at was like a dobe edged sword because on one end you missed the fact that's your mama. Do you know what the person that you would lying on to do oh, that you do the person that's gonna give you the encouragement. But on the other end, I gotta go so hard because I don't have my mother here. I don't have anybody that I can just completely lean on that's over me.

That propelled my growth. And in that moment, the last moments I spent with my mother, I learned that sometimes the greatest form of love is letting go. Because I had to look at her and I said, Mommy, if you were in paying, you can go. And I grew

up in the character of not being selfish. I understand that time is short and you can't wait, understanding that Dart got bit on me, And so thinking about that, I thought it would be good to talk to a good friend of mentor and colleague, Carla Ferrell about what it means to become who you want to be because of the losses that we've experiences, the losses that we've had, and despite them, how we've seen our life come to

its success. So we talk about our similar experiences and losing our mothers and learning how to move through the grieving process, and how our support systems put us through and help us shape our understanding of these moments when our world are suddenly shook. So, without further ado, it's time for your dose of Vitamin D. Get your vitaminy right with me and get excited. Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Vitamin D Podcast. It is my esteem

pleasure to wel them. The one and only Carla Pharaoh. What what's up? Good? How are you? I'm good? You know. Uh, it's a lot going on outside right now. Yeah, it's a lot. This COVID nineteen, this pandemic. A lot of people are being challenged about who they are, what they're doing, and how they're living. Mm hmm, it's so true. All of us are, for sure. And you know, we're just saying a lot going on ward. You know, not only is the virus taking lives, but just the chaoticness, what's

going on with social injustice. Um, we've got people battling depression. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot, and it just reminds me of what we're gonna talk about today. And it has a lot to deal with loss and you know, just thinking about the climate of like we were talking about what's going on, we also think about our own personal loss because whether it's a family member, where, whether it's a job, whether it's it's just the loss of being able to get out is something that's missing.

And I feel like, you know, it's right now, It's time to get to the heart of the matter. And I said, what better than a woman that does it all? Okay, a black woman who's a boss a k A girl boss, who is the program director of the nationally syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show a lot. And what sparked me, what touched me the moment I met you as a mother.

Each time I would see you with Tasha and I would tell you, I said, oh my gosh, Carlin, you remind me so much of my mother, the way you handle with her, of what I've seen, of just being so present. She's my little angel, She's my miracle baby. Um. You know we you and I don't you know, we have a lot in common and we both have lost

our moms and it is very hard too. And I know there's a lot of people watching this podcast that have been dealing with grief, and whether you lose a parent, a loved one, a child, I can't even imagine with all of the violence and crime that's going on this summer. There's a lot, and you need that family and you need that village. So for me, when I became a mom, it was very, very, very difficult for me because I thought that my mom would be right by my side,

teaching me how to be a mom. Like I grew up seeing her being given it all. She sacrificed everything for me. I was her only child, and so it was a single mom and she was doing it. And I watched her sacrifice everything, and I was like, Damn, when I get grown and I grow up, I'm gonna take care of my mom and I'm gonna do all these things. And I did to a certain point. And after she passed away, I became a mom a few years later. And girl, there's no playbook, there's no formula.

You just have to do, like you say, be present, love your child, and do the best that you care. Whatever works for you and your family. What your formula. You know what I'm saying. There's no manual to it. Especially in these days. It's like what in the world that's going on? And that's what I wanted to talk to you about, because um having the loss of the mother, So you know, for you if you're listening right now, Carla, Her and I share the aspect of both of our

mothers died of cancer. Now, was your mother breast cancer as well? Yes, so let's just talk about that aspect. How old were you when your mother passed? I was thirty five. I myself so I was ten years pro was twenty five, and uh, it was kind of like one of those things that it shakes you. It's one thing that you you really can't explain what it is that you're feeling unless you're going through it. But it's

like a shift and it's like a old movement. And you know, when I think about motherhood, that's something that you don't think like your mother is ever not gonna be there, like you know, they're not going to be forever, but the whole idea that you're not going to be here like what? Right? And so, you know, even looking at you and observing and just seeing you on social media, just hearing you talk Monday through Friday on the radio

about how much you love your daughter. You know you talked about I was watching an interview that you did with Angela Stribling of the w h U R. And one thing you spoke about you talked about the loss of your mother, and you said I didn't know whether or not I would know how to do it. And when I see you, I'm like, well, I don't know if there's a better playbook. And you said, I owe everything I am to my mother, and I too, share

that same story. So I want to talk to you about, you know, your relationship when it came down to your mother and how she influenced who you are today. Oh man, I was born in Chicago and my mother and father got a divorce, and I was very young. I was like five, and I remember my mom's told me, you know, growing up. She told me when I was like maybe four years old, I walked into the kitchen and I asked her, why why don't you and daddy hold hands?

And she was washing dishes, and she says she dropped the dishes in the sink and broke the plate and said, here, I am trying to stay married for my child, and she already she can see that it's pretty much over. And so that's when she decided that she was going to leave my father. They got a divorce and it was tough. I didn't have a great relationship with my dad. You know. I remember my mom was to call my dad, Hey, we're divorced. You didn't divorce your child. Be present, be

be there. You know, she used to see you. She's disappointed. It was all of those things, just growing up, you know, on top of everything growing up in Chicago. Well, my mother decided my grandmother lived in Houston, and so her mother and she decided we were gonna move to Houston. You know, living in Chicago it's tough. You know, you're from Detroit. Living up north, it's a tough way of life. And so my mother said living down south would be

a better lifestyle for us. And so she decided we were gonna move to Houston, which I didn't want to do. I was like, no, I don't want to move. I don't want to leash Chicago the shop. No No. And my mother was like, my dad was moving to Los Angeles and my dad's people left Chicago and went to Leete, and so I was like, well, I ain't going out there, So move with my mom. And we were two peas in the pod girl, and that was it. I mean, we packed up. We had a Pinto, my mom had

a four pinto baby. We packed that pinto up and our dog and we came to Texas. Uh. My mom was an avid bowler. A lot of people don't know that she worked um in Social Security. She was a social worker. She worked for Social Security Administration for many many years. She was an avid bowler and she worked hard. She worked hard, and she struggled. And I remember going graduating from high school in Houston. She filled out my applications for college and she was like, you're going to

go to a historically black college and university. And I was like, oh, well, some of my friends are going to UT and Texas A and M. And she's like, you're not. You're going to an HBCU. Because if we don't go to these colleges and university, who will. We have to support these colleges and university. My mom did all the paperwork. So I went to pray View n M University and it was hard to watch her struggle to try to help me get through college and all

these things I got. You know, I did an internship and radio. I didn't know right away what I wanted to do that. Oh really, radio wasn't the first Oh no, no, no no. I was on the campus and I went to My major was social work because that's what my mother did. Don I didn't know what I want to do. I wasn't one of those kids in high school like I'm gonna beat this, I'm gonna be there. I'm like child what I don't know? And when I went to

the social work sociology department, I should say on the yard. Uh. The dean was like, why aren't you over here? And I said, wal, because this is what I'm supposed to do. He said, who told you that? And said that's what my mom does. She does social work. He said, well, what do you like? And I was like, not this? He said what do you want to do? And I said, hey, I like music? He said what else you like that?

I like to talk? He said, going over to the communications building, girl, get out again, j age of major, get on over there. And when I got to the communications building, I was like, oh, you know and worked in radio broadcasting and all of that. So my mom was there for me my childhood. She supported me. She was my everything. I'm trying not to. I don't want to cry and tear of crying, I know on the podcast and I got my got the tissues. But that's

that's it. That was. That was my girl. And then it was three generations and it was my mom and her mom and we did a lot together. My grandmother was a nurse, you know, she worked two jobs. And when I was a little girl, I would wash her uniforms and hang them dripped dry, and I had to polish my grandmother's white shoes. I had to lay them out. I took pride in her wearing her white nurses white to work. And I would lay out newspaper and I would polish my grandmother's white shoes to make sure she

looked clean and white. And she went to work at her uniform And to this day, a girl, I probably won't even wear white shoes. I walked right past them, like, huh. That was. I had a wonderful childhood. I was raised by two women, but my mom. My grandma was there all the time. But my mom, it was me. It was when you saw pat you saw Carla. And that's how it was pat and Carla. My mother's name was Patricia.

So your only child, only child. Ye. I have a cousin, a first cousin who's very very very close, and he used to live with my mom so he's like my brother. So that's another and shared narrative that we have of just having that strong mother where it's just like you're invincible. Because even myself, I was raised by my mother solely. My dad he died when I was three months and I have an older sister. So, um, that's all I knew. It was just like that strength of being strong and

standing up and being bold. It's interesting with all you know. And then here's the whole process of a woman who handled everything and getting to the point in which she had cancer three times. And I knew the frustration I was in when it got to a point that she couldn't open her drink, she couldn't put a fort to

her mouth. And this is probably the first time that I've ever you know, sat down and share with somebody who's experienced a similar loss, because not only was it jarring when she took her last breath, but it was also jarring when I realized that my mother was human, right right, I know, I know, Um, it was it was tough. I remember when my mother, Uh, I got a job offer to work radio in Chicago at w g C I, and that's one of the you know, biggest urban radio stations in the country, and my mom

was recovering from cancer. She was actually in remission, and I was very I had a horrible engagement. This man broke my heart. He ripped my heart. It up, just broke my heart, and I wanted to leave. I wanted to be away, but I didn't want to leave my mother. My mother's cancer was and remissions. She was doing fine, and I was going back to a city where I was born, where I was from, and being able to work at a heritage radio station that I grew up listening to. Come on there, I get a chance to

be the boss up in there. Let's go. My mother supported me, and she pulled me to the side and she said, I'm fine, but just know you're you take your heart with you wherever you are. Geography is geography. So if you're running from this man, just know in Chicago you're gonna still have to face and deal with

these problems. And the reason why I'm jumping in to tell you that is because when my mother, when I got to Chicago, my mom got sick again, and so I worked there as long as I could, and I begged the bosses that be I have to get back down south. I gotta get a job, and it it's like, we don't have anything for you. We don't have any jobs for you down south. Don I would fly back and forth home every weekend, from Chicago to Houston. Every

My best friend would be right at that airport. She was right there picking me up so I can be, you know, with my mother and help her and help her fight. And I remember going to the hospitals and talking to the doctors and the nurses, and I will walk up and down the hall and see all these people going through chemo therapy and uh, dealing with radiation and dealing with the emotional part of cancer. And I asked the nurse, I said, why so many people here

by themselves? And she said, baby girl, there's so many people that don't they don't have family members. Said to sit there with them while they take chemo and talk to them. I said, while I'm gonna go sit there with them. She said, okay. I said, what can I do?

She said, taking cractics, take juices. So whenever I would take my mother to get chemo, the nurses would have everything laid out for me, and I would go to every station and pull the curtain back, and I would sit there and watch the Prices ride and game shows and younger than wrestles with all these people. And they thought, they were like, that's so sweet of you to come

in here. And I would sit there and watch the the trip and watch you can and go, yeah, okay, you mind if I go see Mr such and such and this is such and such. Sure she they're waiting on you. And I would go back and get juice and crackers just to help them with the Nazi and all that. My mother, she was like, you don't have to do this, this is so why do you feel the need to to help all these people as I gotta do something. I gotta I can't let these people

just feel like they're alone, you know, in this. And it was it was hard, and I thought that my mama got it. Hey, she gonna beat this because I'm right there, you know, with her. And finally I got a job in New Orleans, and um, that was the closest they could get me, you know, to Houston. And I accepted that job and I love the city. What's so ironic about New Orleans? My mother was born in

New Orleon. Yeah, that's what's so ironic. My grandmother was born in New Orleans, but they were raised in Chicago, so they didn't know much about New Orleans. They knew about the outskirts, but they didn't know much. So when I moved, and you know, I met my husband, girl, I got me a maid, which is another that's a victory too, you girl, I guess. And he would come home with me to see about my mom, and uh,

it was. It was hard done. It's just I don't wish, you know, I want to say the blank word to cancer. I don't. I don't wish that I don't know about it. So your mom passed when you were thirty five, what was do you recall or remember how old you were when she got diagnosed the first time, because then you said she went into remission. I was twenty when she was first diack. Now, like for myself, my mother first had cancer when I was three years old. I remembered

her standing there cutting off her hair. I didn't know, and my mother, just like how you were just talking about how strong she was, I didn't. I didn't know how serious cancer was until she had it the third time. The second time, I was in eighth grade and I remember I was just doing things that were off like, and I was president of student council. I was a lead,

you know, leader at my school. And when I told the teachers, I don't know if I had something happened with the test, and I was like, yeah, I just have a lot on my mind. My mom she was died, knows with cancer. And immediately my seventh and eighth grade teachers we went outside and we just started praying, and I was just like, Okay, my mom's fine. Mind you I was so conditioned that I didn't even realize that being with my mother and the fact of her hands

turning black, you know, and her hands are peeling. There are times that my mom would pull up at a light or before we leave, she would put her head out the car, puke and keep going. So when you talk about my pedigree and why, like, you know, I go so hard because when you have a mother like that, you don't know any other kind of way. But something that I thought about, even what you said, how did you know? How did you know what to do? And how did you know cancer was as serious as it was?

Because now looking at me now ten years after the fact, almost I understand the severity of cancer. But it's year old. How did you know? You know what? And I would say this, there's a lot of miss if you will, about breast cancer and black women. You know, it was you thought that black women breast cancer. You didn't hear about it a lot like we do now. And that's I lost my mom to breast cancer. That's why I'm a tireless breast cancer advocate. Because of that. I didn't know,

and like you said, don same thing. There were people that worked around me. Let's pray, and I would pray and everything, but I'd be like, trying, you don't know, Pat, you don't know in my life. You don't know. My mom ain't never been sick. She's gonna be fine. It was that I had that same attitude. So when she went into remission the first time, I was like, boom, doctors don't know what they're talking about. God praying here and God got this same thing. And then my mother

got sick again, you know. And it was after I got married. I remember when I was planning my wedding, I remember, well, I was just I'm revealing a lot to you now. So when I was engaged, I was presering and I told my mom, and my mom was like, or girl, you ain't gonna be wobbling, so let's play in this wedding a little little sooner than we inticipate. So I wanted a December wedding. I want it Christmas. And my mother was like, no, we're gonna do it

in August because I'm gonna be too sick. Okay, So okay, okay, you see what I'm saying, right, Because she was already in Texas, and that's when you were in Louisiana. That was the closest you can get to her. I got you right. So I would come home every weekend just driving and see it. That was a six hour drive from New Orleans to Houston. Was nothing. So my mother was like, oh, we'll I'm planning in August because I'm gonna be too sick in December. And I said, Mama,

what are you talking about. You don't know when you're gonna be sick. I'm gonna have it in December. No, you're gonna have it in aufice. It's too hot to get married in august's infused, it's not happening. And so my mother in law at the time, my future mother in law to be. She said, your mother wants to get married in August. That's when it's gonna be. I was like, it's my day. It's not her day, it's my day. She said, we're doing what Pat wants to do. So I told my mama, okay, we'll pick it that

So she picked the day August one. So I got married August twenty one. Now before we actually I actually walked out all I had him very very painful miscarriage. So I lost the baby. And I remember we were home the weekend and I was talking to my mom and I was so much pain, and she ran out the bedroom and she called my husband Ty, she was my fiance, and she said she's in a lot of pains. And it took me to the doctor and the doctor said, you know you're losing the baby. You're going through that

process right now. And so I looked at my mother and she got up and she held my hand and I said, my mother's shookar honey, iced tea hurts. And she said, now you know what labor is gonna feel like. I said, women do this every day and she's like yes. I was like, oh, So you know my mother was there through all of that, and then I got married, and then three months later, in December, my mom passed. She knew, were you there. I was in New Orleans. I was coming home to Houston. It was right before

Chris Christmas. My mother died in December one. Her birthday was December six, so she passed away three months after I got married. And all of my mother's friends and girlfriends, they all said, at your wedding, she told all of them that I can go now because that man loves my daughter and he gonna take care of her, and I ain't got nothing to worry about. And I didn't know that. They told me that after my mother's services and in funeral and all that, and they said, she

she knows you're okay now. I was like, she told you all, all of them. They said, that's why she didn't want to get married in December, because she didn't. She said she didn't want people to feel sorry for her and are you okay? You know how you doing. She didn't want the pity party. She didn't want all that. She just wanted to enjoy her daughter's wedding and have a good time. And we danced and we party. That's

how she wanted, you know, to remember it. Yeah, leading up, did you realize did you realize how six she was before she passed towards like Thanksgiving? I did. I started because I went and talked to the doctors and they told me that, and my mother she told me, she said, you know, you're in denial about what's happening. And the doctor came in and they talked to me, and I exploded on the doctor. I told this doctor off about

what was happening with my mother. And it was an oncologist, and she first about crying because how I was like, you better figure it out with my mother. She cried, cried, cried, and I stood there and I watched this doctor cry, and my mother was in the hospital bed and I looked at her and I said, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how harsh I was coming at her. And she said, I couldn't save my own father. My father just passed away from cancer. You know, I want to save your mother.

I couldn't even save my own father. And this doctor, this oncologe, just broke down crying. I had to hug and hold hug. You know, That's what I'm saying about blank cancer because it is a disease that is so jo it's vicious, it's mean, it's it's all of those things, and it's just no one deserves to ever have to deal with that any kind of case. So yeah, girl, And you know, once my mom passed, I looked at my husband. I was a newly with I was married

for three months, and I just looked at him. I said, well, you're all I have now. You're the only family that I had. And he was like, girl, I got you, you know, he said, it's just me and you. And I was angry. I was angry, Like God, I was mad. Did you feel angry that your mom left and that she didn't fight hard enough? Because that was something that I crossed in my mind. Yeah, I had an issue with that too. I thought she didn't And uh, I

was angry with God. And my husband pulled me to the side and he was at my mother's house and he told me, you go upstairs and you get on your knees and you pray and you cry, and you talked to God and you did it all out. But you can't walk around angry with God because it affect us as as a marriage, as a union, as a family.

It So you and I prayed and I talked to God and I came downstairs, and I felt so much better at that time, you know, in that moment, and I started studying the Word, and you know, reading the Bible more and going to church and and just getting closer to God. And I think you're just learned to live with it. Don I don't think you ever get over it. I don't think for death for anybody, I don't think they get over it with a loved one. You just try to learn to live with it and survived.

And I think, just like how you were saying, my God presents himself in different ways to carry you to those moments. Because even the third time, when my mother was sick, you know how it was, uh, I was the local producer for the Yulana Adams Morning Show, and so doing that show, it was gospel music constantly coming

in my ear. My mother was a type because I had to get up probably at three or three thirty to get to the station by five, and in the choice she would call me every mom like, my I'm fine, don't do it. But even in that process, I didn't realize like all that gospel music was carrying me because in my mind and being in New York and her being in Detroit, I never computed how sick she was.

And I think I started understanding because they had to give her the medicine, like the morphine to help with pain, and she was just kinda you know, just not all the way too. And I would be upset, like mine, you're not listening her, MAA, you're not trying hard enough and not understanding the sickness. And it probably wasn't until I had went home that that Christmas before, because she passed in February and we were going to do some laundry.

We're doing laundry and she experienced some pain in her chest and so I was like, Okay, Mom, we probably need to go to the hospital because at that point she had been in stage four for about four years. And again, my mother is invincible and to me, there's nothing that she cannot do. And the moment that I realized she was human or like, my god, she must be sick. I sat there, she was laying in the hospital bed and she cried out for her mother, WHOA. I had never felt so helpless, and that's why it

was kind of a trigger. Even though, the whole situation with George Floyd. When somebody is at the point that they're calling out for their mother, what And here I am twenty five years old and I'm looking at my mother, the one that that's all I know. I don't you know, I don't have My father is not here, so you know. And my sister, she was dealing with preclampsia. Um, she was pregnant, so you know, she was under a lot of just dealing with that. And I think that was

that moment. But I think, you know, when we talk about loss and dealing with that, I think one of the strongest forms sometimes of of of loving someone is

letting go. And I had to get to a moment when I went back out there and I had to say, like, my it's okay, because when I'm down there and I'm seeing you and it's still not registering that you can't open your drink, you can't put the fort to your mouth, and I'm angry because I said, mine, you're not trying, yes, And it's almost like that kind of grace that you have to give with yourself as well as your loved one to say okay. So I'm interested to know what

was your grieving process? Like, yeah, I went through that, I felt like. I remember one day I was on the phone talking to my mother and I what's mad? And I said, Mommy, you're not trying hard enough, You're not fighting it. She hung up on me. My mother never ever hung up on me. And I was driving and I told my husband I said, wow, just humble me. He said, what did you say to her? He said, how dare you say that to her? And I called her back and I cried, and I remember I when

she got really, really sick. Um. It got to a point where my grandmother, my mother's mother, was still a lie and she was watching her daughter. And I remember she called me and said, will you please allow me to take care of my child? Oh? So what do you say to that doing? Because it was come to a point where I wanted maybe to move my mother to New Orleans. My job was there, my husband's job was there, and the doctors were advising me against it.

They said it's too much, you have to come here, that her doctors are here, And I said, you're right. And my grandmother called me and she said, I know that's your mother, but that is my first child, firstborn child, Will you allow me to take care of my daughter? Now? My grandmother's are nurse. So I said yes, ma'am. I would have never forgave myself telling my grandmother, no, you can't take care of your job. And we moved to

my grand my mother to her mother's. How so I knew that my mother was being taken care of by her mother, who was a nurse, and my mother when she passed. Um they told my best friend. They didn't want to tell me because I was at the airport getting ready to come there. And so my best friend called, crying on the bone, you crying for and she didn't say anything. And that's when I knew that my mom had passed. She couldn't say it, and I screamed. I

was in the New Orleans airport. Now this is two thousand four, so this was like shortly after nine eleven. Nine eleven was left two thousand one. So you gotta be screaming, you gotta be going off in the airport. You know, they're like, hey, what So these black women they pulled me to the side. Now, mind you, my mother in law worked in the New Orleans airport and

she wasn't there. She wasn't there that day. And they said, these black women, they were older, and they took the phone out my head and it was then flip phone back. Then took the phone out of my hand, and they pulled me to the side and people were boarding the plane and looking like, what's wrong with her? And they said, what happened, baby? What happened? And I told him and I said, my mom is gone. My mom is gone. And they said, okay, we got to call somebody. And

they said, who can we call? And I said, my husband and Nick were looking in the you know, the flip phone, trying to find what's his name, what's his name? And he had just dropped me out at the airport, and he turned around and came back and he pulled up in the front. Every time I walked through New Orleans Airport, I guess just feeling. It's eerie feeling. And he pulled up and those those women sat there with me and held me until my husband came and I

flew home. He and I at that time he called this boss and said, I gotta go with my wife. My mother in law passed. And I remember my one of my girlfriends, her name is Natalie. She had lost her mother to sickle celle not too um, not too long before my mom passed. And I told my family, I want Natalie. I want to talk to her because she's the only one can I just said, knows what

I'm going through right now. And Natalie drove and was at my grandmother's house and just waited, you know, for me, and I saw my mom, you know, and it was just it was heartbreaking. It was I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that had happened, that my mother was gone, because I didn't know what to do. And then across the hall, there's my grandmother's pastor. He's coming in, he's in, he's in the house. And I just sat on the floor and I said, how's my grandmother doing right? Because

she had lost her thoughts, her baby. Yeah, she had lost her child and she couldn't even talk. So she pulled me to the side and later and said, I was there when she took her first breath, and I was there when she took her last breath, and I think in that moment that was that was for her, you know what I'm saying. I wasn't there, I wasn't there with my mother actually passed so for her mother to be there, you know, Um, I never it took me a moment to look at it from her perspective,

from her point of view. So I was like, well, I gotta take care of my grandmother, you know, and I did. My grandmother passed away new years later. But I was hard to ard then, you know. So it was like I got a second chance for a little while, you know. And then I just think my grandmother just died of a broken heart too. She just yeah, she had two kids and my mother was her oldest daughter, and she wasn't the same. So did you find that even after your mom passed, did you have different fears

or feeling like you don't know what to do? Because I know, like I noticed different things like you know, I don't know, you know, I would love to have my mom and my wedding. That's not gonna happen, um, you know, just different moments of celebration, milestones. It's it's, you know, you want to be excited, but the first one you want to cause your mom, but your mom is not there. So I'm just curious, how did you transition because all that you've been able to accomplish and

experience that loss. What was the fuel? How did you do it? What advice do you have? She's there? Your mother is there. Don she everything that you're going through, She's there. Every thing that I went through, I had to know that she's there. I am so much like my mother. It is hilarious. People in my family go, look at pat child. You know when they say they go, Pat, I mean in my pictures. My daughter she looks at pictures of my mom and she was like, Mom, you

look just like grandma. I am so much like my mother. It is I mean, I don't I like to bowl, but not like she did. She was an avid bowler. My mother was almost a professional bowler. She good. You walked to any bowling alley in Houston, they if I say my mother's name, they saying, mitch let your mama was a legend. I mean when at her funeral, those those people stood up when they wanted to recognize that she was a bowler, she was a professional bowler, that

she traveled, you should have start. It was like bowlers from all over they just stood up to you know, recognize an honor my mother. So that if you notice back in January, was Tasha's birthday, and she's like, my mom went to a bowling party. So my family we said bowling, let's hit it. You know, that's a part of good memories that I have and honoring my mother it. I'm not gonna tell you there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her, that I

don't miss her. She never got to meet her beautiful granddaughter. And it was so funny because when I got married and at my I had a I had a wedding shower. I had a few wedding showers, but I had a wedding shower in New Orleans, and my friends through my wedding shower at Little Wayne's house. Wow, that's crazy. My mother was at there because my mom was like, who else is this? Why are you got a jacouzi in the liter But I remember I was getting all this

lajarette all that stuff. Molm was like, yeah, grand baby, grand baby. She just wanted me. She wants to be a grandmother so bad. She just really wants to be a grandmother. So I know that she's up above and she's watching on. I know I'm covered and I know she's there, and I'm not gonna sit up here and tell anybody that's listening and grieving and and you don't miss them, but you just got to think about the good times and the good memories and they're right here

and forever in your heart. And I know people saying, hey, hey, yeah, but it's the truth because that's all you had. And you know that she comes and visits and numbers, and I noticed, like I know when my mom is there to sec congratulations because even when I gave you my weekend segment, of course I wanted to to tell her.

But it was interesting, Carlo, right after everybody called and I'm talking to everybody having a conversation the moment that I had a minute to be still, the time is full forty four and she loved this, So I don't I can't recall who the artist is. But if you don't know me by now, you'll never never know me. Uh if you Harold, Harold, And it was her saying, Dawn, I'm proud of you. Yeah, And I'm just wondering, like even for you, like how's your outlook changed on life

and how you use your time? Do you find yourself holding your daughter a little closer? Because you know, what that could be like not to be there or just you don't want to miss a moment. One thing with my daughter that she had that I didn't have was a dad there, a dad being there. So family to me is first over everything. And I think that now that everyone's going through COVID going through have to sit down and be at home and quarantine, if you know,

time to reflect and think about those things. But I was always like family over everything, because life is short, and when you don't have the family that you thought you would have or would be around, then you start to appreciate and value all the time that you have. Because you know, I was on bed rest. I had a very complicated pregnancy. My pregnancy was difficult. You know, I had a miscarriage before and the doctors told me this is gonna be very hard. You know, I wait

until I was ninety to have a baby. But oh but it was hard and I was in the hospital on bed rest for two months. I couldn't get out the bed at the hospital like I could get out the bed to go use the bathroom and that was it. So going through all of that, that journey, you know, I look at my daughter, like girl, you gotta appreciate me. Do you know what I went through to get you in? You know the things that you hear moms say, I'm one of those moms now to look dead at my

dollar up. You know, like those moments they become precious moments. You reflect on them and then you just live. You just live your life. You don't exist, you live. Yeah, and that's it. I don't want to walk around side. There are moments done while. I will look at all Hallmark commercial and bust out crying because it'll be something that reminds me of my mother, my us would be like where I come from. I like, no, you know,

and then I'm through with it. You know, Tasha has come downstairs and I've just been in my big crying, crying, crying. We sold my grandmother's house recently and the tenants moved out, and I felt that they didn't take care of the property the way they should have. And I went to the property and I cried, cried, I cried. I cried because it was childhood memories for me that house, and you know I had to let that part of it go.

So yeah, I am crying about some trash in the front y'all, I'm talking about crying done Like everybody been like, girl, you're gonna be all right back the trash, but I would because my grandmother would never ever allow that to happen. You know, she took care of her property and value. So it was it was one of those moments. So they're going to be times. I'm saying all of this to say, there are going to be times in your life.

You're gonna have moments. You're gonna get saded, you're gonna be happy, You're gonna thank your mom for the memories and the lessons that she instilled in you. You're gonna have all that. It's gonna be up and down, but it's gonna be more ups than him. And that's that's why I tell people all the time, like when you see me, you see my mom that I am is

what she instilled in me. And I just I remember, even you know, being around her, and when she was sick, Carla, it was almost like I was trying to prepare my brain for what could happen. And when I would go back and from New York and I would visit, it may something weird, but I just smell her because I wanted to remember what you smelled like. I would even take, um, I have uh. They had something called like this this

what's it? Amvo? It was something like this mini recorder, And I would just ask her all the questions because she's the last bit of knowing about my father, knowing about me. And and I just remember, even when you were talking about being pregnant, she I have on video where she was telling me she said don. She never said don. She always called me down doan. You know, having a baby it's like going through death, and well, just because your body goes through so many changes, it's

not an easy process. And at the time my sister was really like she went completely blind. Her blood pressure was up. So you know, even my sister of dealing with all the pressure of your mother was dying. And I think probably she understood more than what I did, because I kind of I was kind of spoiled. And I say that the sense of I didn't live it every day, you know. And it's only when I came home to Detroit that I really fathom to imagine. I think, you know, God has a way of protecting us and

catering each child to what they need. And I just think about you and your story because you had had two major losses, and then what would you say, like, was it two years or three years time spen with your first child miscarriage? No, it was a year. It was months. It wasn't even a year. How did you do that? How did you stand on your feet and still be a boss? It was over God, girl, through the grace of God, through prayer, through strength, through having

my family. You know, my husband's family we're so close to and they're my family. And my husband has two brothers. It was three boys going up. And when I'm around my in laws, girl, I have so much fun, you know, because I get to see, you know, I have my mother in law and my father in law and my daughter gets to be with her grandparents, you know what I'm saying. So it was I just appreciated my new family.

I had a new family, and it was hard. It's hard, you know, holidays and spending with my in laws and not being able to be with my mother. It was tough at first, but I I don't know, you know, I just know she's there when I'm cooking with my mother in law. My mother in law, she's from Louisiana, baby. She cook. So there's certain things though, when we cook and we lay out the menu, like the Thanksgiving or whatever, she goes, Now, you cook that net because that's your

mama recipe. You cook that. I ain't cooking. I'm a cooking. You know, it's still the tradition and family, and that's what you have to do. Find a way to have those traditions and memories and good times. And I remember my my brother in law, my husband's little brother, my brother in law, he got a chance to meet my mom and top to her, he loved, love, loved my mom. So I know one time I was cooking and cooking a recipe on my mom's and I remember my brother

in law he likes to cook. My husband no, but my brother in law yes. He uh was like, oh wait a minute, that's the recipe uh your mom had. Then I said, yeah, it's like, okay, what do you do with this? So what do you do with that? Just flun times, just memories and just you continue with that. And I don't know. For my daughter, I just try to be strong for her because it's so tough out there for us as a people, as a race, and I have to teach this black girl, this love black

girl of mine, about black girl magic. Me and my husband make it a point to remind her where she comes from, who she comes from, her ancestors, her history, her culture, who are and not to mention her grandmother,

her grandparents are great grandparents. It's a lot that you have to do with children, and you just want to show them that it's not all bad, it's not all sad, and that you hold onto these memories that your family is telling you about these traditions, and you know, there's things that my daughter, she's the sweetest and I know a lot of people kind of pump up their kids, but my daughter is very very You met her to the very two little girl, and everybody likes her. Everybody

loves Tasha. Kids want to be around. I remember this little girl. Um she's white. She's white little girl and on her dance team, she pulled her name the secret Santa. Last year was past Christmas and she got Tasha these gifts that Tasha wanted and she said, well, I had to get it for Tasha. Everybody likes Tasha. Who doesn't

like Tasha? She said that her smile. Now, this is a girl who's thirteen years old, saying this about another little girl, a little white girl, she said, and she said, Tasha smile just makes you happy, you know, so to hear that that's the kind of daughter that you have, and that she's so kind and loving. You know, all of that comes from family, and my mother was like that. Tasha reminds me a lot of my mother. She's so much like my mama and so many ways. And my

husband's mother she's like her too. She's those two women together. We'll be cracking up me and my husband when she does something. I may call her look at Pat or my mother in law. Her name is Winnie. Let's look at Winnie. You know. So you never know with these kids, they pulled from all kinds of jin and just sometimes you never know, you know, your mother just sleeping in just to say I'm right here. Yeah, and I wonder I didn't do this, and I'm thinking about doing it.

Did you ever go talk to anybody about or get seek therapy? Like? How do you you know? I thought about it. I still think about it. I still think about going to therapy and and dealing with the Greek. I just haven't and I didn't, and I became so busy with especially what Toosha was born. You know, my mother in law lives out of town, and I didn't have help. I didn't have anybody to help me with this need to be the premature baby that I had. You know, my baby was Yeah, my baby was you

look at it, not girl. You can't even tell. She's so tall, strong, athletic. Yeah, she's a premy. She was four seven pounds. And it was funny because when she was born, she was in the nick you and she wasn't like you know, you know, when the doctors are coming to nick you, you see these little beaty micro babies, a little beaty, creamy baby. So they would look at Tasha and they go, who big old baby is this? Because she was too big for the premium section, but

she was too small for the regular sections. And they look at the micro baby and then they look at this baby. She why she over, you know, And it was so so funny. And when she was born, you know, it's a premature baby. They said, listen, we can't let her go home until she learns how to breathe the bottle and breathe on her own. She have any problem breathing, They just wanted to make sure that she knew when she sucked the bottle to breathe, to remember to do

those steps. And you have to teach them how to teach her that. And I remember it was an older nurse. She's white nurse. You just don't, Yes, I have trouble. You're gonna be here for a while with your baby doing it. You're gonna have to really teach it. And I was like right and right. So this there was two sisters. They were nurses and the nikki, and they had on that protective you know, we're nurses, were the

protective ppe and all that equipment. And they pulled me to the side and she said, you just bought a black little girl, and square show him the time it is hello. And I was just like, can you I say not about work, girl. I opened up that incubator, I picked up my little bit baby, and I said, you're gonna show them if you can do all of these things that they don't think that you can do

in the time frame that you can do. She held my little finger, Tasha was holding onto my little finger, and all these things I would had to teach her and do every single day. And I remember the doctor come and say, wow, she ready to go home, and black nurses looked at me and week and it's just how, you know, labeled out the gate. You know from day one,

how the heavy burden is. So can you imagine what our mothers had to deal with when we were born with There's so many things that we just don't know that they had to deal with. So stuff like that, you know, just little things to try to teach your daughter what your mother taught you. Just think about all of these things that your mother taught you to be who you are today. Can you imagine? So now that I'm a mother and I got help, I have a husband,

I can't even imagine doing it without help. I my head. I salute single moms, single women every single day because there's no way that I don't think that I could just be all that I am and raising a daughter, but they do it every single day and raising a child. Women do it more than one child. So we are so strong. Women are so strong. All racists. I have friends that are all background. But let me ask you this, do you think there's a such thing as trying to

be quote unquote too strong? Yes? Because I think myself and you know, because that's all I've known how to be strong. So you know the idea of feeling like without or lost, that that's kind of ode to me. And as I've matured, I've realized how much strength it is and to be vulnerable. I don't want to say sweet, but just to feel it. Because when my mom was sick called it. I think. I think I'm just nature because I am a go getter and I'm about my business.

I can get lost in my work and so I think there were times where I found mysel of busying myself with my job, and those are ways that I coped with it. And it wasn't it probably until years later did I say, oh my gosh, my mother, she's gone. And I think, you know, when you know when I asked you earlier about the grieving process, My moment didn't

happen right away. It probably started hitting me years later when I was like, oh, there is actually avoid Then I remember back in New York, the assistant program director Cynthia Smith. I remember I was like, okay, you know what, now I got to speak and I gotta inspire and I gotta do this. And she said, wait a minute, dawn't you need to take care of yourself because you

just get so used to just displacing it. And I just want to encourage anybody that if you have suffered for a loss and if you have gone through anything, that's okay to feel and be in your moment because you can't keep escaping and understanding that you do have to take time with yourself. Absolutely, And you know, guilt, that guilt is, it's useless, it's a useless feeling. It weighs you down. There's a lot of that that you

have to uh deal with. And for me, guilt was one of it because I took the job and I went away with to Chicago. I should have been here, you know, just all kind of guilt feelings that I had. Maybe I should have took care of her. I don't know that Grandma do all the all of this, all of these guilt feelings, and you have to I kind of when my mom passed, I was just like she's on a trip. Because my mother would travel a lot to Bold, so I was like, she's on a trip.

I went through that for a very very long time, and it wasn't until I decided to after I had Tasha. It's so funny. Uh, Steve was ready for me to come back to work. He was some boxes and boxes of diapers to my house. Single I'm serious. The ups man would go, it's your baby, using all these titlesness, isn't some wrong? What's your momy? I said, no, no, no, just my co workers are ready for me to come back to work, and they wanted to make sure I

had everything I need. I had everything I needed. It wasn't until I got ready to come back to work after because I was on bed rest that I realized, Oh, I don't have a bath step, Oh I don't have oh oh you know. It just started hitting me, like I can't call my mama. I can't. I can't call your mama. You know, haven't even had the moment. I remember my mom first passed. I would pick up my phone looking for her call yeah, and I was like, oh, she's not calling. Absolutely, I had I did a little

project before my mom passed. Went from my wedding and um one of the guys at the radio station. I had my mom like records and stuff and I saved it on hard drive. It at my job well, I worked in New Orleans and then I transferred the stuff to my home computer. Well, Katrina came and destroyed. I had nothing with my mother's voice on it. So Katrina came and I lost all of that stuff. I just I just broke down. I don't have a video from

my wedding. All of that was at my house because the katrainer and my father in law recorded it all. I had his pictures. I am I share. That's similar because the way I was saying that I would ask these questions, I have this device. Uh interesting enough, I was in New Orleans when the device stopped working. I had worked down there for essence and probably a couple of months, probably because I just knew she was thinking.

I was like, I need to just ask questions, just just just in case, and just because I asked the inquisitive part of me and I vice, you have to plug it in. But it wasn't charging. So I have the device to this day, and I refused, I don't want to just ship it off because the data is on there, so I have to get it off. But yeah, I would I and I can definitely relate with that, and I have it where I've just saved different voicemails and things like that, just so that I can make

sure and keep her voice there. I don't know if I play it back now, but you know, it's just good to know. Yeah, I wish I had that. I don't even have that, you know, because all the stuff that I thought of to do once she passed away. My mother passed away December of two thousand and four. Well, Katrina happened in August two thousand five, so I don't have any of that stuff, you know. So it was

a lot. I remember talking to a friend and they say, you might should go to count Point because you've been through a lot, because I had a miscare, I got married, I lost my mother there six months later Katrina happened. And Carlo, you haven't even mentioned like life, just regular life stuff, right, Katrina happened. Um, I moved to New York. My husband lost his job touse a Katrina. We moved to New York and my husband had to start over.

Now keep in mind, my husband is a mortgage loan officer, and so when we moved to New York to start the show Steve Harvey's show, the housing market crash not too long after that, but then my husband left this job and so he had to start all over again. Now, I mean, how the markets back. He's fine. But after that two years later, all right, I got pregnant at my baby, so it was and had my baby in Houston. You know, I wanted to addn't want to um be far from my other in law at the time because

I was on their rest. I didn't know what to expect. The doctors was like, you're going to have to be in the hospital. You can't be a bad rest on home at home because you're not doing it right. Because I would I would get up and I was like, you obviously don't understand. I was like, oh, you may be in the bed like all the time, and it was like yeah, like the entire day. All the time. I was like, oh, I'm like doing that, and they was like, well, you're gonna have to. If you don't,

we're gonna put you in the hospital. And sure enough I got up. My husband taken to the hospital because my baby tried going in the early labor and he was like, nope, we're keeping you. And that was November, wow, and I didn't get out. My daughter was born January seventeen. Oh so yeah, it's good. Two and a half months in the hospital. Wow. Wow, So you know you talked

about like letting go of guilt. What are the things would you say, like if somebody is experiencing laws, whether it's something to be prepared for or just something of just what encouragement or advice do you have, Like and I want even if it's raw and ugly, I would say, the first thing you have to do maybe I don't know, maybe you can just find out more about your relative

or your loved one. Just just find out as much as you can about that person, good or bad, and try to hold on to the memories and the and the feelings and the lessons and the traditions and all those things about that person and hold that right there in your heart. Study the word I. I started reading. I found books. You can't really see this is like this is my office, but I had to show you this, like some books, right yeah, yeah, yeah, we have a lot of books and stuff over there that actually this

is my husband's office. And then when COVID happened, I kicked him out and so uh he was like, don't get so he's in the dining room. That's his office. Besides doing a lot of mortgage loans in the dining room. But I read a lot of inspirational books. I found messages from my grandmother about UH that she wrote in a flap of all these inspirational books that my mom and my grandmother had, and about studying the word and and getting close to God. I would also recommend counseling.

I would say, there's nothing wrong with therapy and getting counseling. And I still think that I should do it. I should really take the time to do it. I mean, obviously we have restrictions because of COVID, but you right, you can do it, and you can do it virtually. I just feel like with me, with everything that happened so fast, I had a baby, a prema short baby, and I had to figure out how to be the best mother that I can be with my premature baby because after I had her, I was able to go home.

I was an icy you when I deliver my baby, and so was she. So they went to my husband and they said, listen, my wife, sn't I see you and your daughter, And my husband said, we all got to figure this out because I can't do this without my wife. So y'all figure this out. So so many moments where I we went through so much, me and him so fast together that we're so strong. And I don't say our marriages perfect. I'm not gonna set up here and say we don't argue and have disagreements. We

don't go to bed mad. We if we were disagreeing about something, we talk about it because we feel like life's too short. My father laws ill right now. So now my husband, I'm there trying to be there for him because he's dealing with with the stuff as well. He saw what I had to go through. So we were just together as family and we're trying to be too strong parents for our daughter, but not perfect. We're

not perfect. And there's some things that we try to instill in her and we want her to learn, and there's some things that um we made. There's some things like sometimes I'll say something Tatasha and just because I was raised a certain way or it was like that for me, I'll say to her, well, that ain't how I was raised and that's not how we do it. And then me and my husband go, that's not that's

not her journey, that's not her deal. So we we he and I have said to her, you know what, We're sorry Tasha, you know what, this is how it was for us. This is not like this for you. But this is why we said what we said, or this is why we're doing what we're doing. So we learned to We told her parents make mistakes too, So it's all a process. It's all a journey. But don't be so judgmental and hard on yourself. Have grace and

look for perfection, Be grateful, be appreciative. It's people out here that are furlough, they're losing their jobs, they don't have a peace of mind. It's so much much. It's so much going on, and you have to if you don't have you know what I'm saying all this. My husband is my husband. And if you don't have a husband, you have a friend, a girlfriend, a mentor, pastor of preacher, someone that you need to be able to talk to.

And let me say this, and I'm just gonna say this because this is what you do as well done. I'm gonna say this. Put down that phone, social media. Stop trying to live your life the way that other people lived their lives. And you think that you're missing out on something, and so you're putting pressure on yourself to live like the Joneses or this celebrity or that celebrity, because you don't know their story. You don't know their journey either, so stop trying to have this look if

you will. That's a lot of pressure to and a lot of celebrities. I feel like that's probably what they're dealing with and what they're going through trying to keep up as well. And I just feel like sometimes when you go through a lass, it's just like for me, the things that I feel like matters most now that's what I pay attention to. I realized, you know how

much I gotta take a chance of myself. And that's why I go so hard right now, because Carli, I gotta make this work, because that's why I wasn't with my mother. But you go too hard. Talk to me, You go hard, hard on and I want you to be able to smell the roses. Sometimes just step back because it's not going anywhere. It's if you're in a race. We got you, girl. You are in a great position. You're a great talent, you were talented, you're creative. It's okay.

There's no clock. There's no clock, there's no race, and you've got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Now, don't get me wrong. You have a high pressure job and people don't know what you do day to day. I know what you do day to day. You know what I do day to day. It's a high pressure job, and I know that's that's stressful too. But for yourself, stop judging yourself on got to get this done, gotta get that done, gotta get let it be, live your

life and joy when it comes, it's gonna come. Look at you mentioned your segment. You've mentioned that your mom was there for you for your segment. It happened, may not will come when you want it, but it be there right on time. Just's like Godden. People say he's an on time god, Yes he is, and things. You just realize how things have to go in place. And

that's a true word. Because I'm trying to I want to learn that balance and I guess for me, and that's why I'm like, Okay, I asked you about how you're grieving process is because I put that pressure on because for me, oh my gosh, hey y'all, I have no other drawing down over here, Carla. I don't have a choice, the option to not make it. That's done it for me. You made it, though, who do you

mean not to make it? You want to have my own like you know, to to to have like a you know, to live a life where you know I have my home and I'm able to travel where you know I'm working with my brand. Because the only thing I'll say it if I didn't, I will never forgive myself because it's like, darn, you could have been with your mother. But I do have to balance because I

know my mother would want me to live. And I realized, like even when I was when I was in New York and I used to assist a radio personality named Egypt. She lives in Atlanta. Now, it was probably then that I probably tried to learn to balance, because that's when I started to realize time and where time is spent. So I'm making sure and that's why I was like, you know, even speaking to somebody else that you know, if your thing is not drugs and it's not working out,

if you're not into that, don't forget that. Sometimes you can get caught up in working and not to distract yourself. And like how we talked about being so present and living on purpose protecting your space, knowing who you're giving your energy to. M But that was definitely a word. That's a word from me. Yeah, only you can you can arrive in the moment and enjoy that moment. You've arrived and you've accomplished something that you've said out to

accomplish and you haven't even had a chance to enjoy it. Yet. You've arrived at something that you obtained. It was a goal on shore on your vision board or your bucket list or whatever it was. You can check that off as complete, but you haven't even really enjoyed that. You're selling it and you're branding it. But celebrate that moment and don't feel bad about it. Enjoy it and celebrate and say, Okay, now that I've had that moment, let

me look to see what's net not resta restaurants. Let me get to this now I got that that will bring about stress. Stress brings about chronic disease, that deponest disease brings about illness. And we just talked about how our mothers had chronic disease and had an illness. So it is an issue with us as black women, it's an issue with us as black men. But it's an issue where everybody stress will kill you and the pressure, the pressure that you put on yourself will bring the stress.

And I, you know, you and I we talk a lot, and I'm just like girl chopping. And then I saw that I'm good. I'd rather be at home, sitting on the couch watching the movie with my kid, or watching the movie the color. It's easy for you to say you've already traveled the world, but you didn't. Yeah, I'm saying I had to get to that point. But while

I was in that moment on I enjoyed it. I didn't pressure myself to say, well, I gotta get this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and if I don't get all these things, than it. I didn't do that. I enjoyed the moment. What's next. It comes, it comes, if it doesn't, it doesn't. It's not the end of the world. But you are a hustle. And there's nothing wrong with a hustles. Not I'm not saying don't hustle, but you gotta find that balance between the hustle and taking them taking the time out too.

Was a bad boy movies. Who's Gotta tell you who'sa Who's Martin Lawrence those years. Who's you gotta take that moment? Because if you don't, you hustling for what? For a little bit for what? But not now you sit, you didn't hustle yourself into. But we're gonna speak that. No, no, no no. And I just made anybody, yeah, I'll told yourself into and you know what was all that? For? What was? And I think that's what I happened to

look at when I came out to LED. I was the moment like, okay, John, I was time to to to be intentional with everything. Yeah, that is something that I am actively working and making sure, you know, carving at that time and making sure how to put self first because you know, when I talk about vitamin D, you know and making deposits in your account, this is all about shutting light to everyone and my name being a pun off a vitamin D and getting that from

the sun. But another thing I talked about life bank account and we have to take time and even as you've spoken as a reminder of me when we talk about our life bank account, just like you do have a checking account, what kind of deposits and what kind of liabilities are in your account? And here's the thing, whether that is the chase of oh, deposit, deposit, ground, ground ground, you can't live like that because it's all

about finding that balance. And that's one thing I think is so admirable that when I see you, because it's like you've had trauma in your life and yet you can still balance to be a successful woman, a successful wife and amazing mother and still living out the dreams that you want. So I look at you and I say wow. And then on top of all of that amazing stuff, you're a person and your relatable and you can understand and you can empathize. So I appreciate you

for that and be an example to me for that. Girl, It is my pleasure. I am here from for you, from my sisters, my brothers. It's just we're just out here like like most. Just be real about it, you know, just keep it one thousand and be real about it and let folks know about the journey and what what is going on and what is the head because like I said, I just don't want to look up and say where did it come? Yeah, what happened? Yeah? I don't, I really really don't. I want to be aware. I

want to being president. I want to enjoy, you know, with the T shirt to my daughter too, because kids are like that too. You know, we lay stuff out, they do stuff, they hang, they beat with their friends and then they go, what's snacks. I'm bored, Like we're sitting down to mare thede a little bit. We're just there. I'm bored, um, you know, and then they pick up their phone and you know, they onto the next thing. But we had to teach them the same thing. And

we have to remind ourselves. I wonder where you get that from. Yeah, girl, but I love us. Vitamin D. It came to me when I lived in New York and it was like, you know, probably uh probably don't on the brink of when my mom did pass away, and it was something this god came into because inspiring and motivating, that's just me. That's what I thrive on, that's what sites me like. That's just threading of that.

And it started out as I would use lyrics of popular music and I would intertwine into a motivational message

and even as you said, don't smell the roses. It's it's almost been ten years since I even birth Vitamin D and now to see the transition of how metaphors it went through a process of metamorphosis to be a podcast on my heart and I am sitting right now, I am talking to a program director of a nationally syndicated radio show, like thank you for thank you for investing in my dreams, thank you for taking this time with me. No, really, like this is how pleasure whatever

you want, girl, I got you. You got next, Honey. I love to sit back and watch who's next. That talent, that energy that you have, that experience, all of that, all of that that you bring to the table. Girl, I'll be sitting back on look at look at that. Do my thing. Then I'd be like, thank god, she got next. And then you know what you pay That's what it's all about, right, That's what we do. So

how can we paying forward to support you? Uh? You know, I know that you do have very initiatives, various initiatives when it comes down to breast cancer awareness. Is there anything you want people to know or any causes that you stand in the forefront that we can help support with well, as far as you know, breath cancer awareness. Like you said, I'm I'm a tireless breast cancer advocate.

I do a lot of things for different organizations of breast cancer awareness, whether or it's an organization that is focused on making sure that people of low income neighborhoods have proper funding available for mammograms and self test breast examination, whether it's an organization that's asking me to go asking me to participate in a walk, you know, whether it's research, whether it's UM talking to people regarding being a survivor

being a co survivor. I've had the opportunity to go speak with the Black Caucus UH years ago in Washington, d C. And this is when President Obama was in office, and I had an opportunity to talk along with doctors and on collegests and research and other community leaders about how important it is to keep funding available for women of color to make sure that if they're taking care of them taking care of themselves as far as healthcare and UM, because a lot of times with us, I

think with the myth about breast cancer, UM, we don't take the time to go to the doctor. And I think that's a problem that women have. You know, we take care of everybody's kids, the man, that everybody else, and then we don't take the time to go go to the doctor. So just all of these different initiatives that it's my pleasure, it's my honor, it's my obligation and duty to be a part of. So I'm a

part of all of that. I have something that's coming up pretty soon, maybe next month in August, that I'm going to be a part of. I think, you know, it's like everything got shifted with COVID, so a lot of things. People are having to restructure things and do things virtually and online. So whatever it takes for us to keep continuing to get the word out because of COVID,

cancer ain't stopper, you know, it ain't. So we got to make sure that, yes, we are safe from COVID, but we've got to make sure that we are focused and bringing awareness about cancer and other chronic illnesses. And that's loving ourselves, that's eating right, that's working out, that's just saying piece be still, yes, thank giant nutrition. All of that. Okay, So I was wondering, um, where can

folks follow you or find out more information? I know they can hear you Monday through Friday on the Steve Harvey Morning Show, but beyond that, how can they check you out. You can hit me up at Lips by Carla on Instagram, Twitter as well, and then on Facebook Carla Ferrell All Cats. That's my fan page. Follow your girl Lifts by Carla Carla for well, well, thank you

so much for being with me today. Thank you for speaking life and to me, oh, thank you, don thank you for having me look at vitamin D as a gift that keeps on giving. Girl. This was's therapy for both of us. I know people listening to this podcast will be like this, but it was needed, it was needed, it was needed. Yes, okay, well, thank you so much. And if you're out there, understanding that if you're dealing with the loss, you don't have to do this alone.

Understand to be patient with yourself, have grace with yourself, learn to love you and learn you right. Understand that time does heal, but you have to be patient with it and understand that loving on yourself is loving on someone else. So thank you Carlin for being here, thank you for speaking life, and most importantly, thank you for further instilling why it's important to understand that you are your greatest asset. That's it for Vitamin D today. And wow,

now that conversation was even healing for me. I can't tell you how important it is to surround yourself with friends, colleagues, mentors, people that can help support you on your journey, people that can speak on certain and similar situations that you've been going through. So thank you Carla Farrell for sharing your story, for being so open, so honest or vulnerable,

for just being you. And I want to say this to you as well, um to you listening, that you know losing my mom to this day is by far the most traumatic, the most heart breaking thing I've experienced. But I think at the same time, or I think I know at the same time, is that there's nothing that I can't face after experience in such a loss like that. It makes me think of seeing and her

song Titanium. She says, I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away, And that's what I feel, That's what I feel like the loss of my mother has given to me. There's nothing that I can't do. There's nothing that I won't do because I can't get that time back with my mother. And I know how much you put into me to become everything that I am, so I have to use this pain that's hurt to propel me to

make sure that I see out my wildest dreams. And that's what I want for you, because when you realize that time waits for no one. You can't wait for a perfect opportunity. You can't wait for somebody to offer you a job. You can't wait till you lose a certain amount of weight. I need you, I want you. I plead you to live right now. And every loss, every pain that you've experienced it. Think of it like a callous think of it like a shield where things

just start to reflect off of it. Because you've been there, done that. You are stronger, you are wiser, You are a warrior. So if you loved Carla as much as I did and you want to learn more about her, make sure you catch her Monday through Friday on the

Steve Harvey Morning Show. You can also find her online at Lips by Carla, on Instagram and Twitter, and on Facebook at Carla Ferrell all caps, And as always, you can catch us where you get your podcasts every Monday on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast for more inspiring conversations and insights, and if you're looking to get even more vitamin D in your life. You can also follow me at Dawn Day speaks on all social media. That's Dawn d a

I speaks on all social media. And until next time, always remember you are your greatest asset.