Advice Letters 8

I'm here to shed light into your life. And I do that with inspirational conversations with celebrities and everyday people like you and me, just covering insights, just another way to look at things. And you've gotta get this too. Vitamin D is for your mind, body, and soul, and in order for all of that to come play together, that means it's shutting the light. And when you shut the light, we're uncovering what's under the good and the bad. Because in order to beat our best selves, we have

to see our best selves. I mean, you think about it, taking consideration of fear. You fear what you do not see. Even fear itself is false evidence appearing real. It's all an illusion. But see, you know truth by the way it feels right. You know, truth because it's what you allow yourself to see. So we're cutting on the lights now.

Ever so often I'll do something where I may sit down with somebody and have a good conversation just uncovering different things that they're involved in and ways to inspire. Other times, I'm doing something with cryptosis, and it's where I'm taking the lyrics of popular music and I intertwined into a motivational message. And then ever so often I come with a special treat. And this treat is all about hearing from you and giving advice to you. It's

our Vitamin D advice letters. So I have plenty of people coming in to write about opinions and thoughts and questions on relationships, on love, on dreams, their career, and I just shed some light from my perspective. And here's the thing. If you wanna hit me out, go ahead and email me Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Again, that's Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Okay, so we're going into some advice letters. So without further ado, it's some for your dose of Vitamin D. Right with

me and get excited about. Okay, So now let's go to the very first letter, subject explaining vision boards and Dear Dawn, I'm trying to find the best way to manifest what I want in life. I'm thirty one, and I live in Memphis. I really want to open a bookstore, but I'm feeling like it's out of my reach. All the little and big pieces of buying the property and setting up deals and contracts with publishers and all other

aspects of starting a small business just feel overwhelming. I know you talked a few times about having a vision, but could you go into detail about manifesting and vision boards. I've been trying to get my head right to get the start on the dream, but often feel unfocused. I've read some things about vision boards being a solution for that, and assuming you've had experiences with them, could you tell

me your thoughts. Yes, I have a vision world right now, this me talking to you on this podcast, right now, that's on the vision board. Um. You know when you talk about your dreams right oftentimes I think even the word dream is placed in a uh a realm that you're not in right now, right And in this realm, it's magic it's what you create and what you make

of it. Always say that whether it's your dreams or just communication with self, you can't negate the fact that there is a spiritual self and then there's your physical self. You can't exist without one another, at least in this realm. And understanding these dreams that are coming to you, this feeling that you have, this urge to be more, to do more, that's your spiritual self. But remember this is all about teamwork, it's about relationship. So now you have

to speak to your physical self. Now, yes, you may have the inside of knowing that this is the dream, this is the vision, this is what I want. But how do you speak to the carnal mind, the one that's used to eating and drinking and feeling. Right, Well, you put the vision board out there, because now what you feel inside you need to put in front of you kind of like so you can go after it. Now we've see it in different cases, right, you may

see it, um, you know the dog races. I don't know if it's the greyhound, but they'll put like a character or a toy, and you're going after it. And see when we talk about purpose and we talk about dreams. You have to put something so that you can look forward to, because then you get caught up looking behind you and you realize that even in life, the whole mode is to just keep moving forward. You just gotta

keep going. And when we look at the instance of life and understanding that the only time that you stop is when you die. So when you ask me, Dawn, is the vision board important? Absolutely? Guess it kind of works in the subconscious mind, right. You know what you can see, you can believe. So what happens when you have all these ideas in your head? You need to

create it because it's your story. And if you look for life in the realm right down to put the vision for you to go after it, will your dreams matterfest Well, I have to wonder after question because they're your dreams. So it isn't necessarily something that somebody else has done, because there's no other person like you. So now the question becomes is whether or not you're ready to have the conversation with your spiritualself and your physical self.

I mean, you hear two minds are better than one, but two essences are better than one. Imagine the magic that you can create there and don't overwhelm yourself. You know, oftentimes we think vision boards have to be a physical thing. As far as it's tangible in my hand, you can also create it on your phone. It could be words, it can be pictures, it can be quotes, it can be colors. Whatever makes you feel alive, whatever makes you feel that like, I want to go after it right,

and therefore allows you to dream wide awake. So when you say that things get overwhelmed me, you may have heard it before. Inch by inch, life's ascent yard by yard. Life is hard. You just gotta put one ft in front of the other and just let it start by just putting a vision and biblically speaking, write the vision and make it plain where else you need to see it.

The vision board. You gotta manifest with your affirmations. And what happens is that when you put these vision boards out there, when you look at it, it's a sense to hold yourself accountable because you start to see it and you remember what it is that you want, and you need a consistent reminder of what it is that you want. So make the vision without the vision of people with pairs, So what is the vision? What do you want? For your life. What do you see for yourself?

Make sure you wake up every day and subconsciously you look at it. It's kind of like even a seed in the ground you put water on, it's gonna grow. You gotta fertilize your dreams on this vision board. That is you planting your dreams. The only next step is to wait for your season and remember it's right on time. Okay, I'm completely for vision boards. Let's go all right, let's get to the next letter subject. My partner wants to open our relationship. Dear Dawn, thirty four year old man

and fan. Okay, thank you. I see you from p a here. As someone who grew up being constantly bullied, I've always seen myself as not good enough. Eventually I managed to meet someone who thought I was a good person and a good match. And she must have thought the same. Because we've been together for the last six years. Things have been good to be laugh, we argue, occasionally, we have little inside jokes. It's been good. But my partner recently opened up to me that she wants to

try being polyamorous. Now, knowing that my favorite person in the world wants multiple partners, I feel more crushed than ever, and those feelings are being not good enough are coming, We're going back. I don't know what to do. I want to love my partner alone and for her to love me back the same way. I would usually try and be accepting of this sort of stuff, but I

just can't. This time is too much. I trust her with everything I have, but it's not about trust, It's about feelings and how I would prefer to show them. Am I wrong for not being accepting this? No, you're not wrong for being in your truth. This is what you want. This is what you want now. One thing that I have to say off the bat, I have to commend your partner, and I commend your relationship to being open enough to share that. But aren't you grateful

that she gave you the option rightfully and deservingly. So now there's another thing that I look at the flip of the coin, whether or not she wanted to bring some other person and relationship. There's a sense on your end that there's a level of self confidence, like where do you stand with yourself? And that's nothing that you

have to rely on. I'm reading in the letter, and you set off the bat almost as if you were saved, you know, by some type of net you know, like I didn't think I was good enough because I was constantly put down and she chose me. But it wasn't that chosen of knowing that it was a blessing. It was almost a chosen like, oh nobody else wanted me. So then you gotta ask yourself, how much do you value yourself? Because how you do anything is how you

do everything. And I'm not sure of what the narrative of showing or saying what yourself is because this was a very mature conversation, you know, it wasn't anything that came behind the back. And in a relationship there are things that are ebbs and flows. There are different wants and needs for each partner. Now, one partner should not go on her because in a relationship, the key thing

that you want is communication. Just as every right that she wants to express with you that hey, I'd like to explore multiple partners and uh pursue the polyamorous lifestyle, you have every right to say that that does not work for you. Now we're's gonna have to take to the mature part of the table is to have a conversation express who you are now. The thing that makes me wonder and I want you to keep top of mind,

is that you said that you're used to being bullied. Now, when I think of a bully, I always think of somebody that doesn't have a voice. There's somebody that keeps quiet. They they keep to themselves and so therefore they're not heard. You have to be heard in this situation. Whether it's not so much to say, hey, you can't do this, but you need to express how you feel and how you feel it makes it uncomfortable because is it more so you're uncomfortable of feeling like she will go on

to someone else? Or is the idea of your favorite person? You said a mixture of both, But I guess I got a little mixed up because the first thing you came into letters stating is that you've been bullied and there's a time that you didn't feel like you were good enough. It's gonna take a tremendous amount of confidence and self assurance one to even explore this lifestyle and

the type of security in your relationship. But two, it's also gonna take for you to know who you are within yourself, because whether it's this relationship it'll spill out into the next relationship. You gotta understand the gift that you are for self, you know, and you know. I think in the relationship oftentimes people have a means of changing. You said that you've been married or you guys have been together for the last six years. This has never

came up. This has never been something that you talked about, you joked about, or did you choose not to hear it? Only you know that. But when you talk about being a relationship, I think it's our due diligence to know our partner. Now, there are some things I think people will keep to themselves, but I think there's a level of when do you come with the communication and don't

break down the communication. Now you are going to have to work on your self confidence with yourself in general, because who you were when you were a little kid, that's not the man, the thirty four year old man that you are today, and if it is now, it's your responsibility to do the work to change the narrative, because what does that say to your partner that you feel like, oh, I'm a damsel in distress and so lucky.

She should feel like she has a prize too. And just like a diamond, it doesn't apologize for shining to get your shines and all of its imperfections, because there's value in it, and you have to see the value of yourself and the value comes from your voice and expressing to your partner that this is something that you are uncomfortable with and see what it goes from there.

Now we can sit here and try to play how every scenario, what could happen, what could be said, But what it takes right now is what you know right now, this is not what you want. And I think oftentimes when we're making decisions in life, we're trying to predict what's to come after. Sometimes the best decision is just knowing where you don't want to be because it forces you to move, keep moving forward, make sure you continue to communicate. Okay, all right, let's go to the next

letter subject Getting the thing done the deud An. I've been trying to write a book for about ten years now, and I feel like I'm about to go crazy. It all started when I was a team I got to college and decided that journalism was going to be my thing, so I really fell into love with writing. Turns out, though, that Journalism wasn't my thing, but fiction was go figure. I really fell in love with the freedom to that, and I hadn't telling stories and the centrality that ideas

I was interested in could take. But the thing about getting bitten by that sort of bug is when you don't immediately make it, you can start to feel like you felt immeasurably. So I like twenty I decided I wanted to write a novel. I started and got a bit of ways in. But since that first year it's been stopping start. That was six years ago. Since I haven't been able to finish it. I keep feeling like

a failure. And now, even though I'm financially okay I managed to find a job as a grant writer after school, I feel just down in the dump spiritually. So what I want to ask you, Dahn, is this, how do I hunker down and term my vision into reality. I know I won't feel right until I get back to Ranny. I mean, even if I can't finish the book, if I could just develop a daily habit, I think this soul sickness I've had for a few years would start to get better. I'm not under the impression that things

will get better right away. But if it could change a little, I would be so relieved. Okay, so I feel like you just answered your own question about what you want. So I guess what you want? For me to just reiterate, okay, cool, you had this vision, it came to you ten years ago. You've identified the fact that, um that ten years ago you were eighteen, and then you did like a starting stop. So then at twenty you were like, I'm gonna really do this, and it

still hasn't been executed. So then it comes down to how bad do you want it? You know, I said in the previous letter, inch by inch life's ascent, yard by yard life is hard. So again, what do you want? Mm hmm. You've identified it. You know what it takes, because you even said yourself, you said, okay, it's not something that's just a fad that just came once or twice.

It's been plaguing you for years now a decade. You're saying, Hey, I can't put too much pressure on myself because of writing the book right now, so how about I just do a little by little write the paragraph. But there was something that is so important and I always tried to identify that still it out to me, and it was the line in what you said is that I keep feeling like a failure. And now even though I'm financially okay, hold on, let me go again. You said,

I keep feeling like a failure. And now even though I'm financially okay, I managed to find a job as a grant writer after school, I just fell down in the dump spiritually. Can you see why? Because you've allowed your dream to be based and distracted on financially what you're getting from this job. Now, when you got a dream, you gotta understand that it's to satisfy all your needs. Your dream is not something where you're gonna be a lacking. Your dream is to come from a yes and type

of space where you receive it and then it's an abundance. Right. So when we have this safety net, we're trying to be so careful, we realize we knock ourselves out of the ram where the magic happens. Because now we're in this comfortable space. I mean, you just said it, Okay, I'm financially okay. That doesn't mean that you should have to struggle financially for your dreams. But when you're in a position where that's a distraction. Where's your focus? It

boils down? What do you want? Do you feel like this is an extreme focus or do you need to sit down and waste of time? How is it for you? Just as those saying you're trying to make a habit or break a habit, a lot of people feel like they have to go all in and jump. Some people are good at doing a little by little. But you've answered it for yourself. How long are you gonna sit in this job and not go after your dream? And if you get frustrated, you know that you're only getting

frustrated with yourself. Why? Because here it goes here you're telling yourself this is what you want. So your spiritual self is saying, yes, we're gonna get this dream. We're gonna write this. Now, all this book out here. You know it may not have been, um, what did you say, journalism? But now I know that I want to write this fiction.

So now you've got all these stories inside, including the story that you're telling yourself that you want it, but it's actually you don't want it because you're staying comfortable in your job. You don't want to because you're not spending time and just writing sentences just to get the paragraphed out. You don't want it because you aren't holding yourself accountable. So what happens is this communication of what you're saying spiritually, it's not matching up what you're doing

in the physical realm. So I have to ask you, what do you want? If you truly believe that you can create whatever you want on the life, which has been proven time and time again. When you hear that people in insurmountable circumstances have achieved and uh exceeded against all odds, why can't you The impossible has been done before, and the impossible is only until it's possible. And you think about how many things are possible? So when do you step into the realm of knowing that you're possible?

M hm? Do you just see what I'm saying? More importantly, do you understand where I'm coming from? What I'm saying. It's about you making the decision and how long are you're gonna have that little child inside of you saying that you want to write and you're not writing why Because you're allowing fear, You're allowing the idea of what's next to come to get in your way instead of just taking the next step, Can you just put one foot in to the other. Can you just click one

finger after the other. What do you want? Because if you're gonna stay down this bad being a writer and writing your own novel, that's not what you want. Because you do what you want for what you need, and you you should want your dreams as bad as you want to breathe. I've mentioned this story before. I first heard the story from Eric Thomas, he sort of detroit Et, the hip hop preacher. He talked about this young man and he had this dream and he wants to be

a billionaire. And so he met this guy. He said, hey, kid, you want to make a lot of money? He sai, yeah, He's okay, meet me by the water. I'll tell you whatever you need to know by the beach. So the kid comes through. He's kind of waiting there. The guy is doing the stretch, doing his own thing, right. He got there at six am because the guy said be there on time sharp. He's suiting the booty of heady

to go. So he's like, okay, are you gonna teach me or show me how to become a millionaire, a billionaire, have everything you want in the life. And he says, yes, okay, so he said come out to the water. So the young kid was like, wow, you know, you got me dressed out here to come out the water, like are we gonna get this done? Like what's up? And he's like, I'm gonna show you, you you know, just wait a second.

So he's getting impatient. He's like, sir, like, at what point are you going to tell me how to achieve everything I want on the life, to get all the money, to get all the success. He immediately took the young man and he doused him under the water. The little boy jumped up. He's like, oh my gosh, you know, why would you do that? I mean, think about this guy almost tried to kill him. As soon as he got his breath, he doused some money there again, held

him down there a little longer. He jumps up trying to get his breath, and then the guy does it again and this time he holds it down longer. At this point, the the young boy is just moving around, really fighting for until he comes up. And you know, he had to compose herself because you know, he almost got out of character. He looked at this old man like yea. But the guy said, that's the secret to being successful. Dawn, What does this mean? You gotta want

your dreams as bad as you want to breathe. There comes to a point that when everything around you is gonna say that it's impossible. You gotta find the fight within yourself. If you try to restrict yourself from oxygen, even if you are in a state if you wanted to take your life, if you try to restrict yourself from oxygen, do you know that your body will fight? That's what it means to go have your dreams or what your dreams? As bad as you want to breathe?

How bad do you want your dreams? You gotta fight when there's no fight left. So you can make whatever excuses you want, But you gotta put yourself in a position. You gotta put yourself in soil that allows you to grow. Are you rooted? Are you connected to what you want? Or are you distracted? Are you rooted and connected with what you want? Are you in procrastination? Are you rooted and know what you want? Or are you just lying to yourself? So? Do you really want to write the novel?

You tell me, and that's what I got for you all. Let's go onto the next letter subject recognized in your dream. Oh. I like that We've been get a lot of posts about our letters about people in their dreams. That means a lie because you know, vitamin D is a dream of mine, it's my vision. And to know that this exchange is happening right now, I'm just grateful that we're all on the same with them together of living our best life, living out the dreams wide away. All right,

let's dive in. Dear Dawn Hey from Missouri. Hey Dawn, I'm a thirty year old woman living in St. Louis and I have been doing pretty okay during the last year. My job let me work from home and I mostly just hang out. I feel like everything is just in a holding pattern right now, and I'm worried that once life gets back up to speed it was charging yet before, I won't be able to get going with a running start. I want to get myself together and actually achieve something

outside of my comfortable, with boring day job. I tried to pick up some hobbies that I could maybe make some money off of, but that didn't pan out. That's funny. Because got really into making bread imposta thinking I was going to start a bakery or something. Okay, but nothing really sparked a fire in my belly the way I expect. And maybe that's the problem that I expected to be something big and overwhelming. I've never really had a strong sense of passion before, so it's hard to know if

the field is right. You seem like a very passionate person. So could you shine the light on how to know when something is your dream? For lacquer or for a better word, for those of us who may not have thought they could have a dream, and that was beautiful recognizing the dream. I like that. The best way that I can explain that when we talk about dreams is a dream is going to speak before you open your mouth. It's something that comes to you. It actually gives you life,

the idea of it. Even oftentimes when you're exercising it. A dream you're gonna notice is gonna actually feed yourself. You've heard it oftentimes um be an instrument of peace or even your own peace. I think when you're pursuing your dream, that is your peace. And I'm not saying that you're not going to spend countless hours of being up and doing all these things, you're just gonna realize that you can get lost in it and it feels good when you do it. Now, when you talk about like, Okay,

how do I find into it? But it sounds like you dived into something. You said, I got really into making bread imposta thinking I was going to start a bakery or something. So it was the passion that you were just into post or where you're going after because you won't start the bakery. I'll tell you the main problem that I'm identifying is that you are comfortable. And what I realized is that when you're going after the dream, just like I said in the previous letter, it's everything

that happens outside of your comfort zone. Stakes are higher, you have to look more, you're discerning more. But if you're in the midst of you know, normality, and you're just comfortable with just being where you are, why would you have any other passion to move forward while you've Why would you be ambitious to think outside of the box. Why would you want to even exist or even know to exist where the magic happens. Dreams are magical. That's

why they call them dreams. It's a figment of your imagination. But if you're caughting a world in a box, a box because you're comfortable, you know all four while sides, all four walls. You know how it stands, how it sits, how it looks. It doesn't change it just that box, and you have borders, you have parameters, and what you're staying in that box. But a dream, if it's magical, it's everything that happens outside of that and finding that

you just have to get out there and explore. You say, hey, I'm just hanging out. That's good. You get to observe and you get to see. But now it's time to do something that challenges you after your day. Go out there and do something different. Go paint, go draw, go sing, just explore. Life is meant for us to live. And I know, like you said, we got all have to get into the house and stay in for a bit, to really lock in because of all the craziness that's

going out outside. But a lot of people, just as yourself, while not being able to go outside, we all have been forced to look inside. What's in? So what do you want? Well, you can only know what you want by explore. You would have put it on your wear in the world is carm in San Diego ahead, whereas Waldo and just get out there and just take a chance, because you already know what this feels like. We already know this, like we keep living life to experience something different,

something more. But if you already know this and you know there's more to exist, because that's the way time is, that's the way different circumstances, why not go after it? Now? You can say, hey, Dawn, you know, uh, I just know what I like. But you know that this isn't enough because if it was enough, you wouldn't be right at me. So that I'm telling you go out there and explore. Pick up the baker and thing. You didn't say that you didn't like it. You just said that

you didn't stop and start. And oftentimes, you know, we can't expect it to look magical, but you gotta realize that the magic is inside it, the journey, like my old barber has he would say, Louis T. Powell. He said, Dawn, the journey is the experience, and the experience is the journey. You don't you don't never arrive until you die. In the meantime, we're all just becoming. So whether you're becoming a chef temporarily, whether you're becoming a singer, just become

just evolved. Just keep going wing. We see a time and time again as we move forward, that oftentimes is that something so far distance, It can look so huge, it can look like a distraction. But as you approach and as you move forward, you start to realize, I get a clear idea on what the picture is. Take a step forward to find your picture and put it together.

Peace par piece. Okay, So the passion lies and doing exactly what you were doing, and that is just simply finding out what you can get lost in finding out what gives you peace, because that's the gift. So you can present it to other people and it turns out to be presented back to you. Remember, we're all in this next energy exchange. Okay, keep exploring, Go make some of my positive In fact, I might um email me again. I might reply with my dress again. Us send me

some goodies after COVID restrictions of course. Okay, all right, let's move on to the next letter subject aft in the family, Dear Dawn, what do you do in family steals from you? That's my question to you down. My sister took my favorite cookbook, and I know that girl don't cook. See, this is the problem that she has had for a while. She'll pill for something quick during a family function or a party and then keep her later. I caught her doing it several times when we were

growing up. I never told our parents, but I warned her that it would come back to bite her, but that was when we were girls. Anyway, I think she must have taken it when she was helping me move last week. I've been so busy getting things in ordered my new place that I had been ordering out until a few days ago. I tore the place apart after I had put it together looking for it. The only conclusion I could come up with is that she had

taken it. So I'm wondering should I confront her. I'm not going to start drama, but I would like my book back. And I also worry that she's still stealing things frivolously. Is it my place to tell her what to do? Should I just ask her to not steal from me? Should I tell our parents that's something to say? Should you act like an adult? And I mean, I'm not trying to be smart about it. I'm just saying real as an adult, you would confront your sister and say, hey,

what happened? You know? Did you see this? But see, oftentimes, how we do anything is how we do everything. And you were a child yourself as a child, or as she was picking up things frivously as a child, but nobody reprimmended to her tell her not to do. You understand what I'm saying. So she got in a situation where she got used to moving like that. So that becomes a norm now for me. Once, shame on you,

fool me twice, shame on me. Okay, I said that, right, Okay, So if we're going on the lines that how somebody does any thing is how you do everything? What made you feel that you're an exception that your sister wouldn't steal from you? And by no means I'm trying to paint your sister off to be a bad person. But is there a cloud or a show that you think that she wouldn't Because your sister is a person just

like anyone else. You understand what I'm saying. And the fact that she went in there and took your belongings, so you think it needs to be addressed. But more importantly, you're gonna have to step up at your front your sister, And that's just the ask is not to accuse. Now, it's unfortunate that sometimes our history it follows us, but that's just the nature of the beast. And as a grown woman, if she's the one that help you, you can't find it. One plus one is too, but doesn't

mean that it's true. So should you confront her? Yeah, just ask you know, um, And it's not about certain drama. It's just about hey, if you saw it, but you can go on, go ahead and live the life that you did before. And seeing her as a young child, stealing things and not saying anything, not addressing to your parents. But she gonna end up locked up one day. You know. It could be a bag, you could be a shirt this term then the way, a thousand dollars, a million dollars,

it could be somebody's credit, who knows. But it does have to stop. Now. It's not for you to throw your body on the line, but to hold her accountable for who she is and what she's done. And often times I speaking up for yourself, So yes, come from her. But that confrontation is just the inquiry. Now, if you can't get through, perhaps this is something that you can have a conversation with your parents about. I mean again, that is their child. They know her inside and out

and get to the bottom of it. But I don't think that this is something that you should brush up under the rug. Okay, all right, let's move on to the next letter. Subject to X is want me? Do I want them? Dear Dawn, I recently had a running with an old accident. It's got me a little shaken. See. I'm thirty and we go back a long way, twelve years to my freshman year at college. She's a year older, so I was cotton spitting when she expressed interest in me.

The love came fast and felt like it left faster, But that was after four years together and the ups and downs I've come to understand come with a lot of relationships. Things were good and she was my first love, but she wasn't really down with my choice of careers. See, I'm a jazz musician by trade, went to school for it and everything. She didn't think it was suitable or a stable job, and I just couldn't put the sacks down so we split and eventually I found myself in

situation with some other women. Now years later, she's been hitting me with these bitter texts like this could have been us, two pictures of couples and other mess I can't lie that I still have some love for her, but I don't really know what's changed on her end. And to add on to that, in the last six years, I've made a connection with a woman who really knows me and loves me for who I am. We've been

on and off since be mad In. I haven't really spent more than five months single prior to I think, of course, I messed it up, partially by continuing to be communication with my first ax. After our third breakup, the new girl decided to take a job abroad. That was at the start of quarantine. We've had middling contact since then, and for the last year I've been kind of keeping a low profile, not dating, trying to stay alive make it work in l A as a cash here.

It's been a struggle, but I feel good where I'm at, good with myself. Now she's drunk, calling me and telling me how she's always loved me and asking to come out to visit her. I keep thinking that, yes, that sounds great. I love her and the vacation would be nice. But I wonder do I want to be in a relationship? And both of these incidents started around the same time last month. What's going on? Should I get back to the one of them? Should I just keep my head

down and move forward with my life? In life? You gotta know what you want, baby, period um. And one thing you said is that you don't know if this is what you want a relationship. You know, I heard I saw on a TikTok video on social media somebody posted on Instagram. It was reposted from TikTok on Instagram, and somebody said, if you have to ever question whether somebody likes you, they don't. So you have the question whether or not you want to be in a relationship.

You don't. Um, just thinking about the first X, you know, it reminds me of ericabai Do and her track bag. Lady, You're gonna miss your buzz dragging all those bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold onto? Is you now? You had a situation where's back? She wasn't in agreement with your dreams? Your vision right, And remember, like I said previously another letter, I said, you have to know what you want right. If it doesn't serve you,

it doesn't deserve you. If you aren't getting fed from this relationship, why are you there now? You used your keen discernment, you said, I don't belong here, this is not for me. Why does it change in this situation of knowing what you want? If you're saying that you don't know that your relationship, perhaps stay away and just like Erica, do I see how this the first X she wasn't for you? And when I say for you, probably literally in the sense, but even for your dreams.

Who wants to feel like they can't be themselves with the most intimate person in their life. You should be sharing your dreams, exploring your dreams, but you have a situation where she's not for them. So what happens? You got into another relationship with a young lady. It sounds like you're a guy who does like relationships, but it sounds like you're trying to find your footing, so you

move on. You meet the younger than young lady before she goes abroad, and you find out that your ex Remember that baggage that was behind you was starting to interfere with this relationship. It's interesting that you have the capacity to move forward, but you consistently carry a lot of things with you. So when you say, Okay, perhaps Dawn, I don't know if I want to be in a relationship, and should I just keep my head down the answers yes.

You gotta know what you want, just as clear that you are able to tell the first X that Yo, I want to be a musician. I want to pick up my sex and play at these jazz clubs. You gotta be that specific with your life because remember, how you do anything is how you do everything, So you may not be able to see it that clearly now when it comes to relationship and love. But just take the same scenario and put that in your dream. Are you willing to compromise your dream for a relationship. I

think that's how you're gonna know off the bat. So when you have to juggle just talking about the first acts and whether or not you guys should be together, you gotta say to yourself, Hey, she's not supporting the identity of you, so how how can that feel good? So you can look at all these pictures of these couples and say, oh, this could have been us. No, it could have been because you're gonna be at the jazz club. Is she gonna be there to support you?

Now you upset because now when you guys want to go out to eat, you gotta staying look on your face because she didn't even support your dreams. The very thing is that you change your life for the very thing that you invested your time, to energy, your money for your dreams and she's not there. So could that be as heck? You know you gotta be for each other. Now you got the other young lady who actually does support. But now you have to ask yourself are you available emotionally?

Do you have the capacity to hold what she's offering. It's interesting because you just said, hey, don I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. Both

of these instances happened at the same time. See, just as clear as your disarnment was with your first sex about knowing what your dreams are, you need to have your discernment that clear where you talk about sharing your life with somebody, sharing that intimate moment with your with somebody, because all of that bleeds in every other area of your life. And what you just said is that you're unsure where you want to be well, as home is where the heart is, and the heart is a representation

of love. Does that feel like home? Can you lay your head down there and feel comfortable? Does it make you change the identity of who you are, what you believe in, what you're going after? Those are the questions you have to ask yourself. And so you know the truth by the way it feels and where it directs you. And it sounds like you're not being directed in that location, that location of knowing I want to be located. I want to put myself in the GPS to be in

a relationship. Do you know what I'm saying? I kind of would left to go right, But you know what I'm saying, is this your location? Is that what you want? It doesn't sound like because you don't know, and you know the difference of knowing what you want. So I think you might all to keep your head down because you've been there, done that. You know what they have to offer, and if it doesn't satisfy you enough to

go that way, Please do not waste anybody's time. We are too grown for that we are at a love on our lives. We are not young kids anymore, that we need to play with emotions. If somebody is direct enough to tell you what they want, just as direct as you were to say what your dreams are, please offer the same courtesy and respect. Allow somebody to choose. Do not sign up for a position that you don't plan to show up to. Okay, So until you can say I want to be in a relationship, stop stop

with the foolish and stop entertaining it. Because you're clear on what they want. But the question is what do you want? And any type of relationship, we actually have to show up for one another. They're showing up and where are you? All right, let's go to the next letter. And this is the last letter. Subject was making progress. Then dad came back. Dear Dawn, I I don't really have a lot to complain about, or at least I didn't until recently, six weeks ago exactly actually, when my

dad came back into my life. A little background. My dad is the fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy. Him and my mom broke up not long after I was born, and he's been moving from company to company in city to city. For the last twenty five years, I rarely saw him or heard from him. MR birthdays were norm It was hurtful, but I'm in therapy working on it. For a while in my early twenties, I was feeling so unacceptable that I had the hardest

time even leaving the house. Now I'm enjoying life to the extent you can, and I'm working at a job I love, so on some level, I know that whatever pain I was called, I came out okay. Sometimes I even think that I don't need to know my dad, and the thing is, he's still my dad. Even though I loki kind of hated him, I love him and I want to have a positive relationship with him. So six weeks ago, he moves back to Oakland and starts

living with my older sister. There are like five year age gap between us, so they have a lot closer relationship. She really wants to mend the rift in the family, and I'm just feeling kind of mixed of the idea. It's so awkward around him because every time I try to talk about the pain in his absence calls, he tells me it really wasn't his fault. And now after having improved therapy and gotten my life on an upward trajectory. Their prospect of having to engage in making me fear

losing all of this progress I've made. How do I tell my sister I just can't or do I face my fear. I'm not sure what the fear is, um because if anything that I received that what you said was the fear is probably the confrontation of your dad because you're being vulnerable. Now. Where I applaud you is that you're doing the work. What I have to tell you to cut the light bulb and to keep in mind is that he's not willing to do the work.

So it's a sticky situation. But you're showing up to a table that your dad isn't sitting at, and this table is laying out of how you feel, and what you're looking for is to completely heal. You can't ignore the fact and say I want no relationship with my father and say everything is okay, because if everything's okay, you wouldn't feel that missing piece. But you can't make somebody do anything because it sounds like what the communication

is that he's receiving. It's not my fault and it's like, I'm not sure this dialogue is the sense of blame, but you're expressing how it made you feel. And I know myself, I always say when I'm in a discribinant of somebody that I'm not trying to prove who's right or wrong, but I think it's about how it made someone feel. And when you love someone, you care about somebody, you care about what why they feel the way they feel you, because we all just want to be heard.

You heard me saying before, whether it was the spiritual self trying to connect with the physical self to try to manifest dreams, whether it's a relationship with a partner, whether it's a daughter and a father, you're asking to be heard because at some point, this little girl, whose father was out there living his life, going after the next thing, perhaps didn't get a chance to see the little girl. And so as an adult, you're like, oh, my life is booming, I'm popping. Whoa, whoa. You forgot

that that little girl is still hurt. Now To sit there and try to negate the fact that she doesn't need her father, well that's not fair. But it also wasn't fair to the adult to know yourself is that you're showing up and your father isn't showing up in the way that you can now The next thing I was saying, because you have been going to therapy, perhaps

try to invite him to one of your sessions. Open up the conversation, because oftentimes I feel like we can see the message and where it's coming from, and immediately it's a block. And sometimes just as though if we were try get to one location another another, we use a car, whether we're cooking dishes, we use the utensils. We have these tools in planes so that we can effectively do what it is that we need to do. And one of the tools that you have is that

you have a therapist. So use your tools appropriately. Open the invitation to have your death there and truly expressed that this is not a blame, but I want to let you know how I feel because no matter what how you trying to say, I'm just gonna go away from it and not, you know, address my father. That's not true because it still exists because it's how it makes you feel and understanding that it's gonna bleed out

in other areas of your life. But at the same time, you gotta love on yourself to know that what doesn't serve you doesn't deserve you. And if it puts you in the same situation every time that you're around your father that your remind of we can take you back into depression, that we can take you back backwards, then you have to save yourself. And it doesn't mean cutting off. It just depends on how I say. You gotta treat someertain people like you gotta white outfit on. You can't

let them get too close. And sometimes that close that you're thinking about. What I'm referring to is physically is that you can't emotionally expose yourself to those things. That's just the maturity level. You can't control that. But you have to understand what you're dealing with. You have to

truly see what you're dealing with. And there's a trickery because we get to this point in our life when we're kids, we look at our parents and people that are older than us as though they have the answer to everything. And it isn't until we get to an adult that we realized that yo, they were just trying to figure out the same thing. But what's gobout to happen right now is that this whole awkward feeling that

you're feeling around him. It's called because you guys can't communicate, So that's gonna cause friction, and then it's gonna cause a sense of blame and saying, oh, it's not my fault, it is your fault versus like can you hear me? I'm speaking, So don't stop your shine, but try another approach. Try to go ahead and um see if he's all but welcoming to come to therapy, just so that you can be heard and let him know that you're just trying to be heard and to be understood, because sometimes

that goes along further than where the blame is. And hopefully with your dad and hopefully with you, you guys realize that that relationship is important because if it's not a situation right now where he's badgering you and saying no, no, no, no no, let's mend about what the past was, because guess what, he ain't gonna be here forever. You're not gonna be here forever. And I'm telling you from a person who both of my parents are deceased. I would

love to have a conversation. I would love to figure out how to work it out, but I do understand that you still deserve to be hurt because that little girl is hurt. So my suggestion will be the next step invite him overto therapy and then just see where it goes from there. But do not sacrifice yourself. You come too far to go backwards, all right? And uh, those are all the letters that we have today. Thank you. Shout out to each and every one of you guys

that wrote the letter. Thank you. I'll receive you, and I appreciate you for being bold enough to want to be better, and not because I'm just saying it, but to put yourself on the line to know that some things may be all balanced. And when I say all balance,

it just doesn't feel right. And you know that's one thing that I talked about with the vitamin D as I talk about your life that account, and when you know that you are your greatest asset, you understand that just like an account, it's all about deposits and withdrawals. What are you adding to your life and what are you deducting? And the thing is it's going to be a constant ever flow. But it's just about balance and when you can addrust yourself and cut on the lights

on and say, hey, I don't have it all figure out. Hey, I'm trying to still figure out everything. You realize that how much you can grow from that. You feel what I'm saying, So thank you. I appreciate it. And if you heard something you're like, Dawn, I want to get your thoughts too. You can email me Vitamin D at Dawn day Speace dot com and you can just put in the subject advice letter and I'm either myself or

Jeremiah or Inn. We will get to it and we'll make sure that we answer these questions because we like to hear from you. Because remember, Vitamin D is all about being better so that you can live life on purpose and for purpose. All right, So again the email is Vitamin D at Dawn Day Speak dot com. Now, outside of the podcast, if you want some more Vitamin D in your life, one, you need to check me out on Saturdays on the Steve Harvey Morning Show for

my What's Happening segment. Too. You need to follow me on social media at Dawn Day Speaks on social media and get some extra Vitamin D in your life. So I'm gonna talk to you next time. We got a lot of great things coming up with the podcast Why we Do Live Like We're cooking up a lot of magic. We're making dreams cometable. Okay, So until next time, I'll talk to you, and I want you to always remember that you are. Your greatest has act