Advice Letters 5

the good, the bad, and the indifferent. Because in order to be our best selves, we have to see our best selves. And on this podcast, we do this by having inspirational conversations and covering inspirational insights. Sometimes it's from our stream of consciousness. Sometimes it's from your favorite celebrities and everyday people, and sometimes and do something. I've run

a special treat. It's called My Advice Letters, and it's where I've listeners just like you who need advice on life, life to be better, life to go beyond, just some sort of guidance and direction, and listeners right in from all various walks of life, in various situations um hoping to get some light, some type of insight on the situation. And I do that and I answer it. Now, let me tell you this right now. I've said it before him and say it again. So if you knew this

is gonna be a new memo, I'm an aries. That means I like to give it to your raw. I give it to you straight because you gotta think about it. The sun doesn't say, oh, step back, I don't want to shine too bright. The light is on. You have to adjust your vision because remember, your attitude dictates your altitude. How are you going to view this? Okay, So, now that we've gotten that clearance to have memo without further ado, let's five ends. It's some vitamin D advice letters. Right

with me and get excited about subject. Partner is cheating on me. But I need a job, dear non, Hey, I sa. I'm a thirty seven year old woman living in San Luis, Obispo. Things in life haven't been great for about a year now. I lost my job as a librarian, and since then I've just kind of drift. I've spent the first couple of months filling out of sorts, then spent them of trying to get back in touch with myself and my body, and finally I decided my

next venture would be to start a production company. But breaking into such a small market with the tight knit scene has been harder than I initially thought. It's really kicking my butt and has really had an effect on my self esteem, almost as much as of an effect as it has on my wallet. I'm making work, doing the uber lifting. Then COVID happened, and just through every outside of whack, my relationship with my boyfriend has taken a big hit. We haven't had sex in six months.

And you know what's even worse, he's shading on me. Worse than that. I know the check. She's a local artist and recently came to me about working on a project with her. Even though pay isn't what I might like, I don't want to turn down an opportunity to get a project under my belt. I had initially been interested in doing educational work, and she reached out in response

to a Craiglist ad I put up weeks before. We run in different circles and I was hesitant to take on something not really in my field, but I met her to talk about a project in February, and we've been in touch sporadically about it since. She recently said she wanted to start this upcoming spring, and I was stoked. That wasn't until I found out in my boyfriend's phone that I met that he's been texting constantly has the

same number as the artist. I ran through their messages one night, and it seems like he's been keeping her in the dark about our relationship. Dawn, I don't know what to do. Do I confront my boyfriend. Do I reach out to the other woman and possibly lose the opportunity. Do I swallow this and just do the thing with the other woman and address it later. Please, I'll take

any help you could get good. Sometimes you just gotta bread. Um. We have a few things going on in here, and first first, first, we need to understand that we need to know what's the temperature check going on with you? And I love it. You addressed it right early on in the letter. You said, Hey, Dawn, after everything has been moving around, everything's been shifting, you know what I

decided to do. I spent some time trying to get in touch with myself, and then you also made sure to include and my body, which leads on that probably um explains why you and your boyfriend haven't been intimate for several months now. No shape, this is just us unraveling. And like I said, the en vitamin ded you gotta know what you're gonna get, and we're here to get

to the bottom up. You are no spring chicken. So for you to be a woman of a certain age, to be thirty seven years old, you understand there are things that certain men need. That's just the fact of the matter. But what I love about it is that you're not ignorant that that something is going on with you, and you outlined it here and it's nothing to say what's wrong. So do I love the fact that you went ahead and you did a temperature check? Yes, okay.

I love the fact that when you're doing this self evaluation you decide to have a vision. You said, Hey, I got this idea to start a production company. But here's the thing. When we talk about vision, when we talk about life, when we talk about stepping into our greatness, we have to get off this whole notion of limiting the vision, limiting the life. Remember, the sun doesn't ask for permission to shine. It isn't a moment where it says, oh,

we're not gonna shine right here, nobody shine. So when you decide to put a limit on your vision, on your light, you see how it has a negative effect on you because now here here, what this is what you said? You said, hey, but breaking into such a small market with the tight knit scene has been harder than I initially thought. Well, you're talking about me, and great, what did you think that it was going to be easy? And in fact, how did you have a perception of

what you thought it was going to be? And this is the first time you've ever done it. You've been walking, I guess um this let's just say at least thirty five years of your life you're walking, and how you walk now is different from when you were walking as a child because you didn't know how to do it. So when you say, hey, it's harder than what you initially thought. You gotta keep going. You know, we just had major on the past episode and what he said,

he said, you can't fail if you don't quit. You gotta keep going. So when the right opportunity comes, boom and so it hits okay, So let's keep going here. So Um, you said, yes, it's really kicking me in me a butt and had an effect on my self esteem. Well for your and favors the bold How bad do you want it? Remember you're asking to grow. We see, everybody can be in the ordinary bubble, but when we talk about being extraordinary, we have to step outside of

that realm. Well, that's gonna take some reaching. That's gonna take some being uncomfortable, that's gonna take extra work, that's gonna take extra time. But it Remember it depends on what you want. Hence that's why the first thing I wanted to address before we talk about, Hey Dawn, do I stay with my man or work with this woman? Do I do both of what I do? We need to do a temperature check on what's going on with you? Okay, So then you went on to say you said, um, hey,

all of this has been going on my life. You know, the pandemic has happened. It really has taken effect on my self esteem. And guess what, my relationship has taken a big hit. Remember what we say or why I'm saying that. What's the temperature check on you? You've heard it constantly. How you do anything is how you'll do everything. And if you don't have yourself in order, anything that is an extension of you can go and disarray. What

do I mean by that? If you are well in your life bank account, if your asset isn't together, whatever is an extension of your account, whether it be in your love account, whether it being your work account, whether it being your self esteem account. Guess what, there's a lack because now the liability becomes you haven't done the work with yourself. So guess what Now you have your relationship account taking a hit. But guess what, it's because you are trying to get in tune with your body,

which is nothing wrong with that. But that's when I have to go back to Lauren Hill. How you gonna with when you ain't right within? Come again? All right? So when we talk about understanding self and getting right, what's going on with you? What's the temperature with you? Remember, things are an extension of you, So getting right with that? Well, you're saying, hey, my relationships taking a hit. It's taking ahead that you haven't had sex with your boyfriend in

six months. Now you're in a situation where the vision is getting a bit hazy. Because you said Hey, I had this idea to start a production company at some point, fear hitting the way because you said, oh, it's such a close knitche scene, and perhaps maybe it may limit your possibility. But hey, now you've got an olive branch. Now this olive branch comes in the form of a woman who you later find out is that I met and your boyfriend's phone, who wants to offer you this

job position. So you said, hey to self, Now here's the thing that I thought was so interesting. Let's go back down later in the letter when you asked me, you said, Hey, Dawn, do I confront my boyfriend? Or do I reach out to the woman and possibly lose this opportunity? Do I swallow this and just do the thing with the other woman and address it later. Are you willing to put yourself on the back burner? Huh? Are you willing to say self? Because how you're gonna

win if you ain't right with it. You're putting yourself on the back burner about what serves you. Because remember, if it's not adding, it's subtracting. If it's not a deposit, it's a liability in your account. And what this is about is about the balance but guess what. The only way to understand the balance of it is for you to be honest with yourself. You have to ask yourself this, do you know who you are? Has this relationship been over? But more importantly, how grown do you want to be?

How grown do you want to handle this situation? Are you at a level of communication that you're going to communicate with your boyfriend and say, hey, this is what's going on, because you're going to be an angst. You're gonna be looking over your shoulder if you feel any amount of jealousy or you're feeling type of anguish. It's

going to affect in the work. Now. The one thing I can say that not that I appreciate, but one thing that says on a high note when looking at this other woman is that she's completely oblivious to it. So I'm sure that there's no man listen on her end, But it doesn't stop the fact that when you see her, are you thinking about what she with your man the last night before? Are you gonna be thinking about every time she's checking the phone that it could be your boyfriend.

That's not a peace of mind. And remember everything's an extension of you. How you're gonna win if you ain't right within. At what point are you going to be honest? And only you know the answer to that is he where you want to be? Now? One thing I did highlight, as I noticed in the letter, is that you said the pay isn't what I might like, so meaning there's more in abundance. Do you want to be in a situation where you're going to be frustrating? You can't think

right now? Remember you're getting to the heart of the matter, and you have to understand that you have to get to yourself now. Is it's going to be a matter of you having to remove yourself from one situation or the other in both only you know that. But what it sounds like is that in this relationship you're not able to give your boyfriend what it needs, and you have to think about it. It's gonna take confidence, it's gonna take guts for you to go after your dream

to do this production company. You need your self esteem to free pristine. So if you already have a lack of self esteem because you got shifted in your job and no longer the librarian, when you decided to get your hustle on, you start to do the uber lifting. There's a pandemic. Now you can see that it's such an effect that you can't even have sexual relations with your boyfriend. How do you expect to go out in the world to see a vision or to execute a

vision that only you can see? And you're gonna have so many naysayers telling you know, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself, because how you're gonna win if you ain't right within. You gotta make sure you show up for yourself. So when you say, hey, don what do I do? You need to address the situation at home because right now your home is not in order. Your home is not in order because your home is

where your heart is, and it's your heart. What your boyfriend, Well, you gotta tell me that are you gonna have enough confidence to step out on your own to create your production company and put one ft after the other right now? Honestly, I think that you need to address to your boyfriend

and tell him that you're aware of what's going on. See, if this is something that you want to bring to your possibility employer, you're gonna have to discern that if you find that it's having an effect on you dissolve it all. Start from square one, because remember, when you're already down, at least you can look up. You can get up, and that's what you're gonna propel from there.

But you need to get self in order. You gotta love on yourself, you, and you gotta do it right, because I know that if I were you and I was working with somebody that was messing with my man, I'll be singing, Nivya, don't mess with my man. Um just saying, okay, I hope that was helpful. Because here, here's another thing. Even if this situation and you decide to leave this relationship, even if you go on to

another relationship, because remember, every relationship is about communication. You're unable to even have a communication relationship with yourself to understand a step into your sexy that's probably preventing your relationship with your boyfriend. Who's to say when you go onto the next relationship that that's gonna prosper. Then are you gonna be in the same situation because you can't get down with him? Come on, I'm just saying, is this is gonna be the same situation? Is this going

to be on the repeat? All right? Thank you for writing, and I appreciate your honesty and willing to show up to do the work. Okay, all right, next letter subject long distance with a guy. I have a great physical chemistry with living with a guy. I have good emotional chemistry with Okay, Um, Dear Dawn, Okay. So I don't think I'm a bad person and deep down, but I feel like one right now. I would really appreciate your advice.

So I've got two boyfriends. I know, I know. It started out as a thing two years ago when my at home boyfriend friend a h b F it's a good break. I went home to the East Coast to get a handle on myself emotionally, and while I was there, I had a fling with this guy. We had and have really good chemistry, but he's not particularly focused on anything and just kind of drifts through life. He has the benefit of a trust fund. But that's another letter.

But the sex is great. It was nice and I could have seen myself ending up in some sort of thing, but I ended up making up with my at home boyfriend a h BF and came back to l A. But every time I would go back, two or three times a year, I will see this guy, and eventually it spiraled into this thing where I had kind of had two boyfriends, at home boyfriend and now long distance boyfriend l d BF. What throws me is that l d BF long distance boyfriend, has known about the situation

since the beginning. It has been absolutely cool with it up until recently. Now he's claiming that he wants me to move back and to choose him. And then there's my at home boyfriend, you know, the a h BF. He's super sweet. We just get along really well, like I actually like him, not just love him, and I know if we weren't together, we'd be best friends. But also we've been together six years, and while we both don't believe in marriage, we kind of have lost the passion.

So yeah, ldbfs long distant boyfriends offer sounds tempting, and I kind of wish I could be with both of them, but I don't see how I could do that. Should I tell my at homeboyfriend? UM? Should I cut things off with my long distance boyfriend? Should I even be in a relationship right now? If I can't settle on one person? Girl, girl, I can feel in UM reading this letter, I can feel what you're feeling I can. I can feel the the stress and the tension of

what's going on. Here's something that stood out and I received it at the end of like going through this letter. You know I'm going to I got my highlighter out of my pen. I'm just making notes on things I want to make sure I circle back. And I thought I was gonna start from the aid, but I'm gonna start right at the very end. You say, should I even be in a relationship right now? If I can't settle on one person, settle no relationship. It's something that

you just settle on. What you need to settle on is that you have to figure out what it is that you want and further discern do you have the capacity to give what is that you wish to receive? Because remember this is an energy source. Remember this is a year and a yang. Remember when two becomes one. Remember this is an exchange. Remember that's what the relationship

is about. Okay, So here's the thing one adjusting your mindset because I don't know why this is a situation of suddenly, because it sounds like which everyone you're gonna choose, You're probably not gonna be happy. So what I think you need to start at first and foremost you need to figure out what you want or what you're looking for in a relationship, Like what's important to you? Um,

that's what you truly have to ask yourself. Now. One thing that I say that stood out to me when we're looking at a h BF you're at home boyfriend, is that you said, not only do you love him, but you actually genuinely like him. And I think that's important because you're here. Oftentimes people say it takes more than love to help sustain and help a relationship thrive, because you have to figure out, you know, what are the things that you're gonna put up with? How are

you going to be courteous? Um? Do you like or enjoy being around them? Now? Would alarm me on the same token about your at home boyfriend is that you haven't communicated with him. And what disturbs me most of all is that, Um, you said that if you weren't together, you'd be best friends. What kind of friendship is that? You said, he's super sweet, you said we just get along really well. You said I actually like him, not

just love him. Not only do you need to be honest with him, but you need to be honest with yourself and really understand the words that you are using, the descriptures that you are using. Um because life is a journey. What happens when you fall, you get up, You get a wounded has to heal. Here in your situation, you said, hey, whether or not it's quote unquote a marriage for when he's sacril official or religious purpose sake,

you have a union of you two together. And you said you lost the passion, So when does it comment that you do the work to help ignite it, to help find it? Because remember, how you do anything is how you do everything. So what you're gonna go on this whole lie that you're living, what do you want? Now? I'm not gonna completely fault you for dipping in two

flavors of the kool aid because you're confused. But what's unfair and where do I fault you at, is that you're not giving your at home boyfriend that you've been with the past six years the choice to decide if he wants to be there. Why again, I'm gonna give it to you raw because it sounds like you're selfish. You're just thinking about what it is that you want when you wanted to leave and you wanted to get

some time to breathe. You went back home so you could emotionally get together, and you kind of realize that when you're saying, oh, I'm gonna go back home, what are you adding to the union? Remember, it's not a situation where you want to come with something is lacking. You don't come half full. You I'm fool, so that you're you're to come together so that it's an overflow.

And what we talk about depositing and liability, you're automatically trying to take from its account because you aren't showing a fool is your best self. You aren't showing enough fools who know what it is that you want. And it's not that it's wrong. It just comes to a point that you're gonna have to take some time to do your work for yourself. Do you understand what I'm saying.

If this is your best friend, be honest. If this is a situation of where you're talking about igniting, you're gonna have to find it back because how you do anything is how you do everything. If you can't be honest in this situation of you saying somebody that you like, what is gonna happen when when it's the new job. What's gonna happen when it comes down to your children, what's gonna happen when it comes down to your work ethic?

M hmm, what's gonna happen to that? Now? When we talk about the whole situation of this um long distance boyfriend, you said that there's a chemistry. But is this something that you can just say, is this something that when you are upset and you're not feeling like you really love on this person right now, you're gonna be able to stand to like being around them? Now? You said, oh, they are trust on one baby, So that's a whole

other conversation, old tool. You better start talking about that now. Huh. Now, is there anything wrong with finding some security and somebody

that can financially take care of you know? But again, that's where you're gonna have to be honest and realize what it is that you want because you gotta at home boyfriend right now that loves you, and while you're figuring out what it is that you want, you gotta realize or figure out what is it that you love about this fleeing with this long distance boyfriend huh, because there's something that you're ignoring because you said that there's

something that he's lacking. And remember when we talk about being vitamin dude, we talk about how the light feels up the room. Hello, light opens way. We need to open up what it is about what you're willing to overlook with this long distance boyfriend, and more importantly, we need to understand why, because right now you gotta add home boyfriend that if you say is your friend, well perhaps you have to be honest and say that you don't deserve him, because right now you out here riding

around againting communication is key and don't forget that. And that even means with yourself, what do you want? Let me say it again, what do you want? Remember, if you can't identify what it is that you want, you will go in any direction. So when you say, hey, Dawn, should I even be in a relationship right now if I can't settle? Probably not, because you're trying to settle

because we all deserve the best. You said it right in the beginning, you said, I don't think I'm a bad person, but deep down I feel like I am. Do you see this avoiding process that keeps going on here. You're avoiding being honest with your boyfriend that perhaps the the there some type of passion lacking. You're avoiding the idea of whether or not you're going to be with this long distance boyfriend, and avoiding the fact that there's stuff that he lacks, but yet you're willing to as

you quote, these are not my words to settle. Now. Let's not forget that this long distant boyfriend from day one knew that you had a boyfriend. So I don't know what playing field that puts you back. I don't know what ease that puts you at. But I can't say he's worse off because he knew from day one was cool with it, and you knew from day one

that you never told your boyfriend. So again, you know, for you to say that you're not a bad person, you gotta do some self reflection because right now it sounds like you're only viewing it from your perspective, and that's very selfish, you know what I'm saying, And I'm

not not trying to be shady. I'm just saying I need you to look at it from a three sixty perspective because you have other people that you said that you love people said you said you care about lives, emotions, and essentially their spirits at say, okay, all right, let's go onto the next one subject. Girlfriend won't pay Dear Dawn, I'm thirty four. I think I've been pretty good job for myself. I got a full time job, my own my own house, and I have a thriving side business.

I'm busy, but I've also managed to cultivate a three year relationship, and we've already been talking about marriage, especially when we're getting romantic. But honestly, sometimes I think she's with me out of convenience. Um. She's more from a poor family, so I essentially pay for everything. Um. Every time we go out, whether it's because for a special occasion she doesn't feel like cooking or she doesn't too much like the food that I make, I end up paying.

But due to COVID, we don't go out as much anymore, so it really hasn't been an issue. Honestly, she's truly enjoyed to be around. She always sets up little surprises or even make dinner. This past March she lost her job and since then and she really hasn't shown any interest in work and while I do enjoy our company and thinks she's not really taking up space. I think it's unattractive in that slow grinding way that she doesn't really want much. I guess they're not paying. Hang up

is an extension of that. Am I over it or am I overthinking it? Anyway? I would appreciate any input you might have. Thanks. Oh um, I'm looking at this letter from a few a couple of different angles. One I gotta say, um, bravo to your brother, because uh, that's something to be said to be thirty four. You got your job, you got your side hustle, and you are able to maintain a relationship. That means that you

juggle and you know what it is that you want. Okay, now you've been in a relationship for three years and you're you're considering taking it to the next level because there's a conversation and I know that this is something serious, because we just pointed out that you are a man and who gets what he wants you. You understand commitment, You own your own house, and now you found this, this this young woman, and now you're in a situation where you don't know if she's after you are for

your money. Now you pointed out a couple of things. You said that, um, she's pumping poor family on top of the fact that she just lost her job. That's a pandemic going on. Now you're caught up and I want to say caught up in your feelings, but part of me you're caught up in the notion because you say you have to pay for everything. Now you don't know if she's with you because she loves you, are

out of convenience. There's nothing wrong on two fronts. Uh. If we want to talk about financial perspective, when you say is she with you? Because she's with you, you have to think about what every relationship there's an exchange. And if your asset that you're bringing to this relationship is because that you bring a fine financial cushion, a financial support, that's what you offer. But in the same token, don't forget that you just said that she offers you joy,

that she brings you a different thing. So you gotta understand that a lot of tokens opposite a tract. Now, if we're talking about strictly from a financial perspective, brother, I think you better check yourself because now you're missing the point of the relationship. However, if we're looking from the perspective where you're saying her lack of ambition isn't there,

that's different. And as I'm saying this, a few things are being even revealed to me now, because no one can say they want to be with somebody that, uh lacks ambition, Because I feel like when you lack ambition or when you have ambition, I should say whether there there's just such a thing as you're gonna make sure that you have your money, You're gonna make sure that

you're taken care of, you know. And so when I see in this letter and I'm reading this, and I'm understanding and and and really diving in, we gotta see what exactly is the determining factor of this relationship. Ambition is sexy, and she honestly sounds like she's a great one. You're talking about the money thing, but you said she doesn't even take up space. You've got so much stuff going on. Why are you all up? And what she's doing? Now? You say whether or not, um and she was you convenienced?

You better believe that it is an asset to the fact that you are financially well off or you have some stability. You are six years older than her. You are thirty four, she is twenty eight. Mm hmm. Now here's another thing that stood on the letter. You said that the fact that you make money. But it's the principle of the matter. What's the principle that she's supposed to pay, that she's supposed to come fifty? Brother, you got to see how you want to step into this relationship.

And well, let's be clear. One thing that I think that's important, and I think that you know about this because you make consistent payments on each month, whether it be for your home, for expenses, for your business, and you expect your consistent payments to come for your job. What are you consistent we showing this woman, it seems like you showed up as somebody that's gonna provide. So now all of a sudden you want to split the script. You gotta walk through the doors and then saying, man

that you showed up at the door. And it sounds like you said showed up as a man that is a provider, and it doesn't sound like she's taking again. And when we talk about the life bank account, right, we talk about your assets, and we talk about your deposits versus your liabilities. She sounds like she's depositing in her life now. Is there a conversation to be had about what her ambitions and what are the things that she wants to do? Sure, but I don't know if

that's something that UH is called off. Is this something that she talks about. You said that she shows up in different ways. You said that she makes dinner and she does things for special occasions. Well, brother, you're talking about that. She says you're cooking is land when you also to learn how to cook. You also get your tail in the kitchen, so that maybe it's the money is a thing you gonna learn to cook, So she

doesn't and he has another thing? You know. I can't you heard that pause because I was like, wait, why are you tripping about this money like that? You didn't say that she asked you to buy some Birkins, spending twenty thousand dollars of your money every month you're talking about going out and eating. You just saying money ain't a problem now. Nobody wants to just throw their money away. What are you complaining about? We gotta get to the heart of the matter. What is it that you want

What are you thinking. You said that she is a joy to be around, she's in your space, and you said she doesn't even take up space, So what is it? M hmm. I think there's a level of I think you gotta build your confidence up a bit because you're talking about and convenience. Who are you showing up to her. I don't think anybody you know should definitely suck you dry, but I think you should consider or perhaps think about

the fact of how you want your relationship balance. If you are all the time busy, she's gonna be busy, are you gonna ever have time to see each other? I mean, I can't say that you have all this time on your hands now she was walking around here moping and things. I can understand that, but that's not the case. And here's another thing. Let's be considered, when we have power couples or you know, being a relationship with somebody is highly successful, let's not they discredit that.

It takes some work for whomever your partner is to handle you because probably you're in a lot of stress. They're probably being convenience. They're probably making time to show up, they're probably making time to understand. So show some consideration of that. They're making sure that you're fed, they're making sure that you are handled. Now here's another thing. Perhaps you're in your feelings because you say, hey, I do all this work and I managed to cook, and then

when I don't cook it right, we still gotta pay. Like, what what are you seeking? You said? She always sets up little price surprises that makes dinner. She's an amazing cook. So what's the problem. I think that's what we need to really figure out. Not I I'm not. I feel you on the struggle about the fact that she doesn't have any ambition. Um, but I guess I can need to wonder what level of the love language is here. But let's not forget opposites of tract and just give

her some more time. But perhaps I have a conversation. Um, that's what I can say. That's it's an interesting dynamic that you're you're I want to say crime, But you're making a point to identify the fact that she doesn't pay. Yet the first thing you come out the first is the thing. Hold up, let me go back a little bit. Wow, this letter is about your girlfriend not paying. The first thing that you come up in a letter is saying I'm thirty four. I think I've done a pretty good

job for myself. Hold on, bro and that sentence right there, I already kind of have an idea the kind of guy you are, because if that's your leading opening statement, that's probably how you lead and then you're presenting yourself. So whether or not, um, she is somebody that looks at you as somebody that and financially take care of her. Look how you stepped to her in the game. You introduced yourself. Remember how I said, how you do anything

is how you do everything right. I don't think that you're just writing this in this letter, and that's not the guy that you're presenting yourself with. Whether you are sharp tailored from head to toe, smelling good Chris shirt O, good lord, whatever it is, understanding that's how you're showing up, and that's how you're presenting yourself. You know, I think sometimes we forget about that. So how much can we false her the fact that she finds comfort and knowing

that you can take care of her. But how about we identify why you are making an issue that she isn't paying When the first thing that you come out in this letter of saying, Dang, I've done a pretty good job for myself. I got a full time job on my house and I have a thriving side business.

You're putting it out there, brother. So if you say that she is a joy to be around, that she sets up little surprises that she makes dinner, enjoy your woman, have a conversation, and you probably need to figure out what's your love language because you're focused no money, even though you got enough of that, But then she gives you joy at other little places. So identify what your focus is. Don't make it a problem with there's no issue.

You feel me all right? Moving on to the next letter subject father wants to remove me from family will hey, Dawn, So here I am asking for some advice. I'm thirty five, I'm pretty independent, only getting help from the family and emergencies in Seattle, and I've been in a relationship for over nine years with my fiance. We lived together, and frankly, she and my parents don't get along for religious reasons,

but they've kept it cordial for the most part. When I went over to my parents house to drop off a few things the other day, my father suddenly told me that if I am with this person, and I decided to choose to stay with them or marry them. I am out of the will and they will donate the house and everything to a charity that he doesn't want to choose between me and God. They don't like her non religious lifestyle and can't fathom why I am

with a heathen. I brought up that if I was with anyone present or in the past, it's not their life. He states that he doesn't want it to be an ungodly household. Frankly, I'm taking it back. I've always had a healthy relationship with my parents. They don't care that I'm gay, and they've always said that it's my life. But at this rate, I'm stuck with a choice, and it's not right in any way. How do I address this without letting it tear my family apart? Thanks in advance,

I do appreciate it. Baby. Hmm, you better do what makes you happy. You gotta live your life. Living in your truth takes courage, and living in truth and being in truth is also stepping in a light. Now, Wow, that's pretty messed up that your dad and I used messed up loosely because on the basis of him dictating where he's going to get the money depending on who you're you're choosing to live your life with, regardless of the fact they're happy. Is that your alliance on what

your your dad is willing to do. Now, kudos to your fiance. Nine years of the game and you're still talking about any emergencies you gotta reach out to your parents. I mean, that's a blessing, but that's a stretch because at this point I need you to stand on your own. I also wonder where you stand in your level of commitment. Are you afraid to take care of yourself? Um, because you're lucky that your girl has been waiting on you

this long. But while we tackle that that part first and foremost, because we need to make sure that you're consistent.

Because remember the reason probably why we can identify why this letter is definitely written and why it bothers you, because you're in a bind of a situation where you feel as though or the way things your circumstances are, you are being lead whether or not you can't financially support yourself, because whether you are relying on your parents to give you money in those quote unquote emergencies, you said that at the top or whether or not they

are going to give this house to you. At some point, you don't have to grow up and take care of yourself. Baby girl. You know your thirty five. You've been with the same girl for nine years and where is the progression?

And I understand that we all go through difficult times, but when you have something dictating how you want to live your life and it's based on a financial time, then you have to check yourself a why are you allowing relying on some type of outside support from your family and you are grown Another thing, let's break down the letter even some more. How do you want your home to be established? Do you want it to be

contingent on how you choose to live your happiness? Like your parents are saying, it's gonna be a godly home. But we know that Jesus is love, so you better love and living your truth. You said it yourself, It's not their life You're gonna have to live. At some point, You're gonna have to be bold. And whether that be bold is to take a chance, take a chance on you. Fortune favors the bold. Remember everybody exists in the ordinary. But it's gonna take a little some um to be extraordinary,

and you gotta think about it. Fifteen years in the future, are you gonna be happy that you in this house alone? Are you're gonna be happy that you're in there with your partner? That's what we gotta think about when we talk about the heart of the matter in the situation. We need to identify how this is going to affect our lives because we're only here for a fine night time. You can't allow things and other people to dictate who you are because if you don't stand for anything, you're

gonna fall for everything. And you can't fall for somebody else's perception of what they dictate on what your life will be. You came in this world by yourself. You're gonna die by yourself. You better live while you're still alive and love why you still can celebrate joy? Why you can? You're a grown woman. You have this relationship with your family. But at some point you're gonna have to put your big girl panties on and live your

life for yourself, live your life for your girl. And we need to figure out what is going on financially that even nine years in the game, at the age of thirty five, you are still relying on your parents for support. And let me just say that, because you are relying on your parents, do you see how the pool and the tug that they have on you have you questioned how you can live out your joy and your happiness in your life. Because this is not about the situation of your girl not loving you. This is

about the situation of your parents are accepting you. They dug government dictating on you because of financially So it's time for you to walk in to be fully independent. I N D E P E N d E N T. Do you know what that means? Man? Do you know what that means? Me? All right? No T, no shame, just speaking truth, live your life for you, be true to you. Okay, thirty five years out the womb, It's time to cut the core. All right? All right, let's

go on to the next Let him subject. Should I quip my comfortable job to be with my girlfriend of five years in Australia? Dear Dawn, I am twenty eight and currently working in a company that I don't enjoy working for in Houston, and I felt like I'm on a path that will ultimately leave me feeling very unfulfilled even if I were to be very successful by any objective measures. Is a good company to work for, decent pay,

good benefits, global ability to travel, pre covid um, decent colleagues, etcetera, etcetera. However, my problem is I find no joy in working there. I go to work, putting a lot of effort, get bonuses, promotions, and yet don't feel like I'm really enjoying any of it, nor have any real ambitions other than ambition. For the sake of ambition, I have recently had the ability to sell a property and this put me in an even

more comfortable natural position then before. On top of being frugal with a decent salary, my girlfriend of five years is also coming to a time where she is able to move and would be able to go to Australia due to citizenship, while I would need a visa. My question is basically, um, would it be insane for me to quit my current job and go to Australia with her and take some time to reevaluate things in my career? Heck no, you better live your life. I listen. This

is the reason why I say this. You said it right here, you said in the very top of the letter, I don't enjoy working at this job. You said that. You said, I am twenty eight and currently working in a company that I don't enjoy working for. You said, I am on a path that will ultimately leave me feeling very unfulfilled if you were to be very successful. So what you're gonna just really sit there and drink the poison. We gotta really check ourselves before we fracked ourselves.

I've been saying that this entire time. You gotta really evaluate the choices with the decisions that you make in your life. Do you hear what I'm saying? You're gonna sit there and die? Do you hear what you're saying? Do you hear the words that you wrote on this paper? In this email? You said, Dawn, I can't breathe and I've decided to turn off the oxygen. You're going to say, is that my problem is I find no joy working there. You even go on further to say, nor have any

real ambitions? Do you understand that? Um, if you were say, have you decided to say just for the sake of making money? That and you feel like if you were to leave and go to Australia, that you'll be risking the fact of not knowing where you are financially because you don't have any stability. You know nothing is safe right. Your company could wake up today and say Okay, we're done, thank you so much, goodbye. And you're in a situation where you know this isn't where you want to be.

You said, I need to take some time to reevaluate. You need to evaluate why you are willing to put yourself in an uncomfortable position where you don't desire to be in. Now. I do talk about being uncomfortable, and I talk about going outside, stretching, pulling, growing, melting, putting yourself and testing it under the fire. But that's because what you seek on the other side is a desired I'll come. There's no desire I'll come over here. So

what you just ramming yourself in the circle. You don't have to ask for permission to live your life. The sun doesn't ask for permission to shine. You just gotta show up. So I'm asking you, are you gonna show up for the sake of your betterment of living? Huh? Are you gonna show up to live your best life so you can be your best life? Remember how you do anything, we'll definitely have an effect on how you do everything. And remember everything is an extension of you.

Take that money and go to Australia in turn and enjoy yourself with your girlfriend. Do that and figure out what your love is. You might find it out there. But you're young. You were twenty eight years old. Brother, You got the rest of your life to sit in a job that you hate. I didn't see you said anything about you having kids, So you don't have any other beings to think about right now. Your responsibility as you and why you still have good health because you

have youth on your side. Go out there and live. We're in a pandemic right now. Half of us don't even know what tomorrow will bring. You. Feel what I'm saying now. If this was a situation where this is a job that you loved and you you said you had a goal and this was a dream, this ain't even when you want to be So why are you allowing this to be the location or where you at. Vitamin D is all about cutting the light on, and when you cut the light on, you realize that you're

gonna see things that you may not like. But you can't be afraid of it because what is fear. Fear is false evidence appearing real. Fear freezes us, Fear prevents us from moving. Fear is a premature death. Remember when we talk about living, when we talk about growing, there is an evolution and adamant objects, those are things. They don't grow, they don't prosper, they'll live in abundance. You as a being, you do that, So don't be afraid to be great. Gosh, dog on it. You deserve that.

That that kind of goes on what we've been talking about this entire time of of just self love. You're gonna have to love on you. You gotta give yourself what you deserve. And that takes you for being bold. That and I appreciate each and every person that has written in because it takes a bold person right in and show their flaws. Okay, but you realize that wounds only here when you take the bandage off. Remember you only get see things when the lights are cut on.

I mean, I'm sitting here and it's like the thing in this episode seems to be just communicating with yourself. What she say, tap tap tap in. It's time to tap in wherever you don't find your greatest potential. You tap into the greatest potential, and that potential is you tap in, because how you go in when you ain't? Right? Then? Uh huh, come again, that's Lauren Hall right there. We need to speak in to existence of having her on the show. I need to talk to in. We need

to get that to happen. I think that would be good. Um. But yeah, that's what I was saying. Live your life and understand that you only here for a fine night time. You've got nothing to lose but time, okay, and while you're using it, why is ever fleeting away? You better live it out to your best your dick. Oh, I guess I didn't hit the rest of the bag. That's it for today. Well yea. I thank you so much for sending your letters in um, thank you so much

for choosing to live on purpose and for purpose. Thank you for choosing to step in the light. Thank you for being an avid listener to Vitamin D. So that means thank you for investing my dreams. You know, I hope I answered some great questions and really gave some great insight and perspective on how to view things in

life and what it comes down to. Making a decision, but hopefully highlighting and underlining and exclamation point making it stand out the importance of the self love, the importance of the communication with self, the importance of uncovering self, because when we are right with them, we'll leave discovered. We realize that everything that is an extension, it comes to for a shan ah. And that's what we talk about the life bank account, okay, because when you are

your greatest asset, things come into balance. But how can you identify your accounts in balance if you don't choose to look in and see. So thank you for uncovering that light. And you may have listened and you might have a letter that you want advice on. I want to encourage you to write us at Vitamin D at

Dawn day Speaks dot com. That's Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com, n LB shifting through those letters and saying who needs to us and you know if you can't stand it and need some more Vitamin D in the interim before the next episode, I want to make sure you follow me on Instagram as well as Twitter at Dawn Day Speaks. Okay. I'd love to hear from you and make sure that you tell your friends

to like and share this podcast while you're subscribing. Make sure they tell their France, they tell their friends, and they tell all them friends them about us, Okay, because we edifying and were shining light all right, so um be amazing and until next time, always remember you are your greatest dasset