Advice Letter: "Had To Put My Own Momma Out"

to have to be able to see better. Does that make sense? I mean the good and not so good. You can't be hide in the shadows. You can't be tucking behind a corner. You're going to have to step right front and center. So I always encourage if you need advice on your relationships, on your career, on your business, anything that you would like my input, to send a letter to me and you can email me Vitamin D at dawn daispeaks dot com. Now understand, these are just

my views and opinions. You eat the meat and you spit out the bones. Okay, I'm not saying I'm right or am I wrong. I'm just letting you know what I would do if I were you. So with that being said, I'm ready to dive into this letter. Okay. Subject had to put my mama out. Now, let me do that again. Subject had to put my own mama out. Hey, Dawn, I love listening to you. Just recently, my mama came back into my life after abandoning me at six years old.

That was twenty three long years ago. My mama wasn't in my life like she should have been, you know, in and out of jail, couldn't keep a job, on drugs, laying up with different men, and just never ending mess of problems and bad choices. Well, four months ago she showed up on my doorstep, cleaned for the last two years, and wanted for us to be a family again. Oh Dawn, there was so much anger and hurt and bitter disappointment in me. I'm talking years and years of tears and

awful hurt here. But I figured this may be the only chance that I'll ever have to have my mama back. I didn't want to look back and wonder what if. So me and my husband talked and we gave her a chance and took her in and of course, four weeks later, my mama relapsed, and she relapsed hard. It got so bad that I had to put my own mama out and I told her to leave us alone and to never ever come back here. And I've been

crying in my husband's arms none stop ever since. Horribly sad for my mama and very very very angry at her at the same time. You know, I tried, Dawn, I really tried. But I can't keep letting her hurt me over and over again. Am I right? Sincerely yours missus, Eva Parker, aged twenty nine from Riverside, California. Well, there's a lot of ways we can go with this letter, right. My first question to you, Eva, Well, first, let me

say thank you so much for writing in. Thank you so much for your vulnerability, thank you so much for sharing, and thank you so much for making room you still may roam no matter what. Now, the first question I got to ask you is what were your expectations? I feel as though expectations are unfair. See, there was something that you expected from your mother, the woman that gave birth to you, which wasn't promised. Okay, Now, one thing

to take in consideration too. There's nothing wrong in your decision, just like any person who doesn't want to be loved, who doesn't want to be wanted, who doesn't want to be cared for, who doesn't want to be looked after, and what that comes with place of vulnerability and vulnerability is all about opening up. And that's what you did. It wasn't necessarily what you expected, which we will touch on that in a second. But like you said, you

didn't want to live a life of what if. And I'm a person where you will hear me constantly say over and over again that you're going to have to take a chance on yourself. That means literally yourself and any opportunities, any chances, anything that you want to see, be calm do you are going to have to take a chance. Now. The next thing I want to say, your mother has been out of your life for twenty three years. You were six years old when you said

that she abandoned you. Now for you to know that she has been in on and off drugs, I want to presume that you have seen her or had her at a distance, right, but there was some sort of contact, Okay. Nevertheless, for you not to know the intricacy of her lifestyle, I meantanding how bad addiction is. Would you or would you not say that she was a stranger. I mean, we do have our own brain at six years old,

but there's no maturity there. And you've had twenty three years since she abandoned you that you lived your life. So you were essentially letting a stranger in, believe it or not, a stranger that looks like you, a stranger in which you carried the same DNA, but nevertheless a stranger because this is a woman that you do not know. So I have to ask you what were your expectations? M Now you said, am I wrong? No? You can't be wrong for loving on yourself. You can't be wrong

for protecting yourself. You can't be wrong for doing what you have to do to stand by yourself. The only thing that you can be wrong with is disenfranchising yourself, putting yourself in situations that you know that you cannot prosper from. Okay, now, I'm just looking back at the letter. You said she left you as six years old. You said she was in and out of jail, couldn't keep a job, and on drugs, laying with different men, and

just a never ending mess of problems and bad choices. See, one thing about history is it has a tendency to repeat itself. Nevertheless, it doesn't mean that it's too late to change. See, I'm all about grace, and to me, grace is all about making room, whether that's room for somebody else or that's room so that you can get to know the woman that left you. Because, believe it

or not, it was probably a high stressful situation. I mean, you got two grown women in this house and her husband who are related, and one that is holding some bitter resentment. It's not healthy. But you were doing the best that you knew how with what was going on. Plus you took a cheae is because you said, well what if? What if this possibility? Now another thing, what do you know about addiction? HM? Like me and myself if I can keep it real, so you knowhing deal

my addiction lines with food. If anybody has known me over the past several years, a couple of decades. Now, wait a minute, don't live tim H too much. My weight has always been an up and down thing and it's something that you're going to have to work intentionally with.

In fact, I was just speaking with a friend the other day and she was sharing about a dude that she was talking to and he had kind of went kind of distant, and he said to her, he said, you know, I'm not in the best space right now. I've been dealing with substance abuse. And I said, wow, the vulnerability there. But she was so upset at the fact that he hadn't been in contact. And at the same time, I had looked at her and I said, well,

did you reach out to him? I said, there was a level of vulnerability that he opened up to welcome you in. So did you reach out? She said no. See, when we talk about relationships, any type of relationships, one of the main things that we got to highlight is communication. Communication is so key, and what happens is you gotta be you gotta focus in on that channel because all around you it's gonna be static. Okay, it's gonna be

confusion or in other words, a distraction. And I'm wondering if you distracted yourself of wanting the relationships so bad that you could not see who was standing, sitting walking in front of you, sitting beside you, who was behind you. Well, see that's why I had to ask you, what was your expectation. What did you expect? Did you allow yourself to see what it is for what it is? Because into knowing your mother, that means you have to know what addiction is. It means that you're gonna have to

take a moment to understand. There's gonna have to be some grace that has to be made. And realizing that when you're dealing with addiction on anything that you have done consistency, whether in the right direction or the wrong direction, is that it's going to take time. And I know when the perfect world, with the rainbows and butterflies, y'all would have been scripting, skipping down the street, got some ice cream, went to the movies, out to dinner. You

would have had so much. But you gotta realize what it is. And this is a woman just like you who is longing for this relationship, a woman just like you that deals with addiction. Now, your addiction may not be drugs, it may not be a lack of self confidence, it may not be you up here sleeping with a lot of men, but nevertheless, we all have our addictions. So when you say, Dawn, was I wrong, No, you weren't wrong. Taking a chance on yourself know you weren't

wrong for allowing that energy child to feel love. No, you weren't wrong for wanting to have a relationship with your mother, but perhaps how you approached it could have

been a little different. And what I mean by that is giving it some time, having some understanding about what the relifs is, putting yourself in a situation that if she were to relapse, that it wasn't such a shock, because it sounds like it shocked you to your core, and always saying sometimes you gotta treat certain people like you got an all white outfit on, And it doesn't mean that you don't love them. You just don't allow certain people to get too close or to put their

hands on you. But they can still get a view, they can still be in arms reach. I mean, you think about it. You got on some nice shoes, you got on some all white shoes, you got on that all white outfit. You're not leaning across everything, you're not walking in all type of climates. You are sure to assess the situation. So again, the only fault that I put is what were your expectations? Now I don't know what her relapse. You didn't tell me if she called

you outside of your name. You didn't tell me whether she stole anything from your house. You didn't tell me if she caused you or put you in any type of danger. So I really need some more information with that relapse. But coming from a person who can understand addiction, coming from a person who wants to feel needed, wanted and loved, I would probably get some counsel and figure out how to circle back on this, because, believe it or not, that six year old inside of you is

still hurting. And to some they just see, oh, I had to put my mama out, but you had to put the one person that you loaned for out of your house. And I'm sure you still hurt. And I hope that you get some counsel, and I hope that you talk to somebody to not only understand what you are feeling, but also understand what it looks like to have I have a relationship with somebody that got an addiction. Ain't nobody perfect. I feel like when you think about

relationships and you wouldn't think about love. It's all about how hard you're gonna hold on? Are you gonna hold on or are you gonna let go? Because yeah, Eva twenty nine year old can say I kicked my mama out, But what about that six year old girl that just felt like she was abandoned? M What about her? Because regardless of what you can understand at twenty nine years old, that six year old is still hurt and that six year old is inside of you. So no, I don't

think you are wrong. I do think you have to evaluate what your expectations are and I feel as though you should make room to get some counseling. And if you can afford some counseling with her, or a counseling session with all of you, I think that would be great too, because at the end of the day, she was trying. I don't know what stress happened. I don't know what trigger, but we all have our triggers. So missus Eva Parker from Riverside, California, who came or wrote

in with the letter, had to put my own mama out. No, I don't think you were wrong, and I will never fault you and I will never blame you for loving yourself. All right, I would love for you to write me back and let me know how things are going. I know there are quite a few people who have a troubling relationship with their parents. Now I may have shared with you, I'm not sure, but I didn't have a

relationship with my dad. My dad died when I was three months years old, So I know there is some place in me that has daddy issues, but not the stereotypical or the plain view of what we say daddy issues. My mother was present. Was she perfect? No? But my mother was always active. She always showed up. But I have heard of situations where parents have abandoned their children,

they have suffered from abuse. Shoot, I haven't seen it on social media of parents and grandparents cussing their kids out. I don't know what that looks like. I personally don't know what that feels like. But I know what it feels like to be loved by my mama, and I can't imagine the kind of pain or even wanting to feel that love and to not have it at all. So yeah, I think you got to get back to

six year old Eva. I would recommend that you get some counseling, and if you can do some counseling with all of you guys, do that. So write me back and let me know. And that's what I got for your answer to your advice letter. All right, now, I want to encourage you that if you need an advice on your relationships, on your career, on love life, or just anything in general, send me an email Vitamin D at Dawn Dai speaks dot com. That's Vitamin D at

dawn Dai speaks dot com. All right, and make sure you follow us on on social media at Vitamin D Dawn d Ai. And excuse me, you can follow me on my own personal social media Dawn d Ai speaks. We're gonna keep doing Vitamin D Live if you on TikTok, make sure you view us live there. I'll come back with some more dates, but in this specific timing. But we're doing some things. Yeah, all right, all right, well let me let me cut this off because this percrning

is done. You know, I always say I'm in the business of making dreams come true, and I damn show ain't gonna forget about mine. So until next time, always remember you and your greatest asad get your Vitamin D. You right with me, and get excited about your life.