Advice Letter 11

You know my name is Dawn, so you get vitamin D from the sun. So I am here to shed light into your life. And I do this with inspirational insights and conversations with everyday people and some of your favorite celebrities, so it gets a kind of interesting. And also I have these special moments where I answer some advice letters that you guys right in just to give you my take. Because when we talk about vitamin D, it's about shedding the light. So I shed light on

these letters. But I want to be clear, Um, when you shed light, that's on the good and the bad. So if you wanna be better and you want to do better. You gotta be able to see better. So I'm gonna give a t straight no chaser because I want to keep it real with you. Becauld you imagine like a plant being put into the ground, expecting soil and not getting it. How do you expect to grow? Huh? And I'm assuming that you wrote in because you want

to grow. You want to get some insight. So I want to encourage anyone else that you know they feel tempted and go ahead and email me Vitamin D at Dawn day Speaks dot com. Okay, Um, I hope your day is going off well. I hope that you are walking in positivity and lighting all that good stuff. How am I? I'm cool, I'm good, I'm transition and learning

in life. What I um about being present? I'm learning life and I'm reflecting and I'm seeing myself because I told you I want to grow, and I told you more of what we're doing with the Vitamin D with daunt podcast. Um what else? Also? I probably should have said this right before. Um, how many of you guys have noticed or been in seasons where people are falling away, like you know, different friends, They're just falling away and not like because it's a fight. It's just that things

are changing or you know, um, you find yourself. Uh just as some people say, they say it's like a prowning season, and that's because it's just time to elevate with life. And so sometimes things are you know, may not be going as playing, but you see the change going. I guess that's really what's going on. So I'm not gonna say that bad, but I see it and it's so uncomfortable. And I just wanted to remind you to stay strong in your mind because I can see the

blessings that are happening in my life. I can feel them. I'm experiencing them. And just like how the tides run high and the tides run low, how in the morning there is the sun and that night there's dusk. I I have these moments of all these blessings, but then it's still life. And I just want to encourage you to stay mentally in the game because I fight it myself. Yes, vitamin D yes, dawn day, old inspiration. I have these moments where I have to force myself. I have to

remind myself. I have to exercise this brain of mind because I know what I ask God for and I know what the promises all my life, and I just want you to remind yourself, whatever the promises, things may not be going the way that you expect. It may not be happening when the moment that you want them to happen, but know that it's happening right on time. That quote unquote missed opportunity, perhaps it wasn't ready, or you have something out better for you. And I guess

it's just the understanding of that. It's just the peace of that. I think that's what the flow of that is. And I guess that's what we need to get in a better flow of things, not just hitting our head and getting frustrated because it doesn't work, it doesn't help,

it doesn't soothe. It's like when you when you're getting frustrated and you're getting upset, it's almost like having your muscles be constricted for so long it aches, it hurts, but when you just breathe, put them shoulders down and relax, almost as if you can just sit back and get a view kind of like maybe that's also why they say play the game of chess, because you can really just see all the pieces that are on the board. In fact, you understand why you're in this position and

understanding with me the result of the next position. And I think that comes with the understanding. So peace be still on that. Clearly I had to get that out about something because I was going in with the der may over here like mmm, Laura on the board, like okay, but yeah, I just want to say that. So let me go into that. I don't a bag and read this letter. Oh first, let me say thank you, thank you so much. Here's the letter. Thank you so much

for writing in. Thank you so much for being vulnerable. Thank you so much for choosing you and wanting to elevate, to be better and to do better. Okay, all right, now let me tell you now I love you, and I appreciate you, and I respect you and to honor you. All right, let's go in. Here is the Vitamin Due Advice letter, subject my husband doesn't want me to go back to work. HM. Dear Dawn, I just aced an

interview for the job of my dreams. I should be over the moon, but I'm feeling like I've stepped onto a path of doom. I'm thirty eight, living in San Diego, and I've been to stay at home mom for about six years now. My husband and I are both what you might call high achieving. He's a legal consultant for some large media corporation, and I used to work as

an academic before we decided to have children. Considering that he made them and was in the most stable position, I wasn't tenure track and I didn't foresee getting to that point soon. We decided that we'd become a single income household and i'd stay back with the kids. Looking back on it, I came into our marriage thinking that once whatever children we had started going to school, I'd start working again. I've since realized that my husband wasn't

of that same mindset. We ended up having a beautiful baby girl, and I have love for the past five years being able to see her grow. But I've also missed the classroom and the ability to do research. So now that our baby is getting ready to go to school next year, lord hoping it's in person, I decided to look into getting a new job. I didn't tell

my husband, though. Since our daughter has been born, he's been showing upgrade taking care of her, taking time from work when I need to break, bringing his mom from across the country to help and let her know her grand baby. But he's also been throwing a little slide comments like you're so good at this, you'd make a great housewife. It rubbed me the wrong way sometimes, but I usually push these thoughts away because well and infant

takes up a lot of attention. So I told him that I wanted to go back to work when our daughter gets to first grade, and that he made the space and said sounds great. No enthusiasm in his voice, no questions about where I wanted to start or what he could do to help me find something. I felt so unsupported that I think it started to affect our relationship. I brought up starting as an adjunct professor at the local community college, and he said wouldn't next year be better,

with no explation as to why. So when I ended up getting an opportunity to interview for a tenure track position at a private university about an hour away, I jumped at it. I guess I thought that I wouldn't get it and it would be just be nice to I don't know try, but they want me to start

next semester and I'm a little stuck. Do I tell my husband and possibly deal with whatever sexist crap he's been stewing in, or do I earned down this and try to start my professional life from a place of honesty. Please help me down who first. You're gonna have to tell your husband? Uh? Communication is key, okay, miss Um. I want to live my life on purpose and for a purpose on the side of my family. I think this is great that um, that you have an identity,

and I think that's first and foremost. Do not feel guilty about wanting more for your life. Do not feel guilty about creating your own neglis about your whole moment um. The one thing that I do feel that you should feel guilty about, or something that I really need some work, is that there is a lot of miscommunication in this relationship, or perhaps probably not enough. And it seems as though it started at you know, uh, from the get go.

I mean, you guys had got into this relationship, and you guys know that you guys are both career driven. I mean you said it yourself, you said, my husband and I are both high achieving. And here's the thing I feel like with women, we always when we want to do the balance of many of us or some of us want to have children and have the career and have the family. But there comes a balance, there comes a communication and just what so many things changing

right now? The whole standard household is not a thing now. The thing that's so alarming, and it screams out, I want to go ahead over this. You said you just aced an interview of a job of your dreams. Y'all know how I feel about dreams. You know how I feel like you gotta go after your dreams with a clear eye view. That's what Meek Mills said. He said, if you wanted, you got to see it with the clear eyed view. Okay, so here you you saw that, and you saw this job, and you did an excellent

job at this interview. Then I guess what just blew me is because I'm thinking you're writing this let and you're saying you're this high achieving woman, Um, you're ready to be to love on yourself, to get out there with your family. Um, you've aised this job. And then at the end of the letter you go on to say, um, I didn't tell my husband though, should you turn down this opportunity? What what you said? You? No? I found it?

Do I tell my husband? And possibly deal with whatever sexist crapt he's doing in or do I turn down this opportunity? Do you know that you missed one percent of the shots that you do not take? And are you willing to risk this even when it comes to your dreams? Now, one thing that I don't think that is good is just to go up and not have this communication with your husband. But I do think it's important to you adhere to what do you want for yourself? Because you said you've been at to stay at home

mom for six years. Okay, you said that you came into the marriage thinking that wherever children you had and they started going to school, that you would start working again. Now you came into the marriage and with what point did you realize that that he did not have that same mindset. It's interesting thing because I do think that people change, but that's with a miscommunication of some sort. Because how did you guys both go into high achieving

then once you have a child. You know, I don't think it's like a switch when you just cut off and go. But for whatever reason, he is not on the same page. And you said to yourself, you said, um, you had your beautiful baby girl and you love for the past five years being able to see her grow. But mama got to get her groove back in the workforce. You said you also missed the classroom and being able

to do research. You know, one thing that I feel like a lot of women say is that don't forget about yourself and whether you're a woman, whether you're a man, you have to learn to love them yourself. I have recently. I was just talking about how it's important to tap in, how it's important to adhere to your dreams and your desires,

and how it's important to celebrate yourself. Just as though you may go to the doctor if you're not feeling good, you need to go and aid yourself in celebratory activities when you do have an achievement, because that's a part of self care, that's a part of self love. Now you said that, um, now the baby is getting back too ready to go back to go in school. So you took the initiative to go ahead and check out

a job position. Now you didn't tell your husband. Now, I don't think that's too guilty, because you didn't know how it was gonna go. You were just out there just checking in just to feel of what's going to do. But I can understand why you probably have some reservations because you have said that. He's also been throwing a lot of the slight comments, you know, just initiating or just to make sure that you understand what he's said. He said, you're so good at this. You make a

great housewife. Now here's one thing you said earlier that you guys in the marriage. You came in thinking it was one thing was the other. Because it's a miscommunication. He is making it very clear what this deal is. He sees you as a good wife, a good housewife, and mom to your children at home. I have to challenge you because I'm wondering, at what point are you gonna speak up. I'm not saying that you have to push your dreams to the side, but when are you

going to find your voice? Because I've said this before. How you do anything, it's how you do everything. So at what point are you going to make it a point to make yourself a point to speak up for yourself? Okay, now, you did say you you wanted to go back to work. I just imagine this probably like a little not a roar, but just like a meal. You said oh, I want to go back to work when our daughter gets the first grade. And he made this face and said, sounds great, honey,

no enthusiasm. So you really didn't know how to read it, and you didn't use on your lovel and you're in a communication to say, hey, what do you mean by that? That is a very important sentence phrase that I think a lot of people should um adopt because I think it helps, you know, flush out miscommunication with people, because oftentimes you can be in a situation and you just get mad or take something out of contact and all you have to say is what did you mean by that?

Or what do you mean by that? You said? Immediately at this point I felt so unsupported that I think it started to affect our relationship. Oh oh, you're letting your miscommunication or lack there of communication now in fact, your home. Now you know what I love? They say home is what the heart is. You know you Nesta would love, But it's also your your realm of peace.

So what you're gonna go out there with your dreams and come back to a house of hell because you haven't learned how to communicate, let alone what happens when your boss comes in for something when you say you want to go after this job position and they said, well, you have a baby, I don't think that's a good thing. Or oh, you make good at just staying like a secretary assistant. I know you're going for a professor, but

I'm just saying, just keeping it in mind. What if you want to go to be a dean of a department, you have to be able to exercise your voice. At what point are you going to choose to speak up? Now you're going to say that you brought up starting as an adjunct professor at the local community college, and

he said, what it next year? Be better again. Now I'm starting to think the music communication maybe on your end, because um, you said that you came in thinking that this marriage, uh, with whatever children that you guys had once they started going to school, that you were going to go back to school. But he seems to make it very clear he likes you right and on good.

Ready where you are? Okay? And now we're the point that you're talking about possibly letting your dreams go to the wayside, So you're gonna let somebody hush you and muffle you. I think that you need to go ahead and tell your husband, this is a moment for you to be upfront and honest, to declare your voice, even if your voice shakes, you know, because it's like this, If you don't stand for something in life, you will fall for anything. And I don't think that your dreams

should be your downfall. Your dreams apposed to rise you up. Now it's interesting that you did. Guys just say about start arting with your daughter the following year, but they're trying to get you to start next semester. That's a level of consideration because you gotta plan childcare. You gotta It's just a lot of adjustment and a lot of moving parts. And I think that now that your adjustments to your movements can't no longer just work or what life was like prior to this what how many years?

Six years with your baby girl, that now you have another being to think about. It's not just you and him that you can bounce, and you gotta communicate because if it's not in this area, there's gonna be so many other areas of your life. And as you're having your family, who knows however many other children. I know you're like don chill, I told you I just cut

my freedom papers. What I'm just saying, anything else that you're inviting in your life, you gotta make room for with communication to the line how things are gonna work, what are your expectations are, Because you said that there's a miscommunication, but it sounds like there may be a lack there of communication on your end. It don't sound like it. That's what he is, because he made it clear you are good at this, You make a great housewife.

Wouldn't next year be better? And then what you're gonna put on the next year and the next year and the next year after ye? So yeah, I think you should go ahead and tell them No. I don't think you should just drop this perfect opportunity because maybe in this conversation, maybe your husband can see you for who you are right now now who he thought you were, but who you are at your core, and you are a woman who likes to work, and you are a

woman who likes to go after your dreams. Because what you're gonna sit there and turn it down and then being happy, then you're gonna go home resenting. Then you're gonna have a whole other field of problems because now your daughter is observing this relationship and now there's gonna be trouble that. You see how it's just like a calloust and they just keep pushing hard stuff on the hard stuff. That's what callousis too. They just they just pack stuff on top and it just makes a mole

hill into a mountain. You know? Do you hear me? So I tell your husband and tell him because he deserves to know. But say it because you deserve to hear your voice. And do it even if your your your voice shakes. Okay, speak up for yourself? What what? What exc say? Check yourself before you wreck yourself? Okay, Okay,

I love you and I think you're important. Thank you for being transparent, Thank you for writing in And if any other career oriented women out there who have been able or who are balancing the husband, the children and family, what advice do you have? What did you do? I'm sure you know things may have justed, but you're still reciting in who you are because you're gonna be who you be. Okay, Well if you like that, UM, I want to encourage you if you have some more advice.

So you have some questions about relationships, career, family, UM, email me Vitamin D at Dawn Day Speaks dot com and I'd love to give you my advice, love to share some insighters on just what I think. Okay, Also, we're working on getting our subscribers up. Did you enjoy the podcast? Have you been enjoying the podcast? If so, tell your friends to tell your friend, to tell your friend and them and some more about vitamin D with Dawn Day. We're expanding, we're growing, we're building, and we've

got to get our subscriber base of UM. I forgot to announce it, but we've hit a year. We started in June June, so thank you who I probably shouldn't do a separate episode of that, but hey, we're gonna keep going because there's no stopping now, So tell them so they can subscribe. And then also, if you've been checking out some of the quick doses, if you've been checking out some of the interviews, I want to encourage you to head over to the YouTube channel at Dawn

Day Speaks. Yes, great interviews up there, kier Anthony Hamilton's Lyric Cross, Purvis Taylor, Major Um, Timothy Snell, Latife, my trainer, so many people, Violet Palmer, who is coming on the show again, but just so much more where you can get inspired and detained and feel informed. Okay, so check the it out. Also, one last thing, if you can get enough of me, Dawn Day Hey and was like, oh, I want some more inspiration motivation in my life. I want to encourage you to follow me Dawn Day on

all social media at Dawn day Speaks. Check out my ent prob, check out my voiceovers, check out the podcast All Things Are to Day and what I got going on. I love to have you, Okay, so um, make today great, be amazing, make the decision to live your life on purpose and for purpose, and until next time, I want you to always remember that you are your greatest asside