¶ Healing Unresolved Neurological Wounding
Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jenless , the podcast that's here to help you break free , be you and unleash your inner brilliance . I'm your host , jen , and in this episode we're going to talk about how to grow into the highest version of yourself by healing your unresolved neurological woundy . Let's dive in . Hey there , unicorn , it's Jen .
Welcome back to the podcast Today's interview . We have an amazing guest , glenn Cohen . He is a master neurological life coach and the founder of the Center for Neurological Intelligence .
Over his many years and many experiences of coaching thousands of people , he has helped them to heal their unresolved neurological wounding so that they can grow into the highest versions of their cells . Glenn's calling is truly to share his passion and his knowledge and discoveries with the world .
You can tell in this episode how much he loves what he does , how passionate he is about this . He has come to this through his own lived experiences and looking back at his life and moving through this in his own ways .
We talk about a very specific moment when he was a child that impacted him and how it showed up for him later in life and his entire journey . We also dig in very much to how do we notice , how do we heal things like shame , one of the big things that so much of us deal with . What do we do about judgment ?
How is this showing up , our unresolved inner world , this inner child , the unresolved wounding he calls it . What do we do with it ? Even if we recognize it , how do we heal it ? One of the things I love , of course , is that he talks about nervous system regulation . He talks about the breath and the way that these things come into this process .
So I know you're going to gain so much out of this conversation . Everyone welcome to the podcast . Glenn Cohen . Hi , glenn .
How are you , Jim ? Thank you so much for inviting me . I'm so excited .
I'm excited to have you here . I already love your energy . I know that this whole unicorn crew is going to absolutely love everything that you have to say . You are a master neurological life coach and I know that a lot of my listeners have done lots of mindset work .
I personally am a mindset and breath work coach , so we're pretty steeped in some of these things . But you've got some very interesting ideas and so I'm excited to dive into your topic and what you love to speak about . So I would love to start with because I'm a huge peanut butter fan , glenn . I'm a story Jif in particular .
I'm very picky about my peanut butter . I know it's not the healthiest peanut butter , but it is choosy . Jen's choose Jif . It's the only peanut butter for me . I heard that there is a peanut butter story that you have . Would you be willing to share with us what this peanut butter sandwich has to do with what you do today ?
So in the introduction of buying one of my life's work , I tell a little bit about the globalness of how I got to July in 2003 when I began this journey .
And there were a couple of events in childhood that were very neurologically wounding and 80% of our wounding that I've observed with my clients comes within , when we make sense of the external environment away that we imprint onto ourselves .
So I had gone through all these experiences and I , in my desire to find connection and significance , tried to get that need met by lying to a group of guys my age who are bicycles I mean we're probably 11 , 12 .
And that I told a little white lie about me being with a woman back then I guess a girl and of course they immediately called me out , extricated me from the group , told everybody just shame .
And then one day I was so upset with myself I stood in my bedroom and I had a full length mirror and I stood looking at the reflection of my face and I had a peanut butter sandwich in my hand and I smashed it against my face and I said I hate you .
And that stuck with me until my adult years in variations where I split myself in that moment the intensity , the neurological intensity of that moment literally fractured my nervous system , and then I spent many , many decades in different ways , validating that belief that I wasn't worthy enough , smart enough , good enough , whatever .
The inherent belief is because we're validating machines , so the unconscious mind has to validate itself , depending on what we chose to believe , usually early in our programming stages , and so that's where the story comes in .
Yeah , oh my gosh . So probably most of us have not had a peanut butter sandwich in the mirror moment , but we've had moments like that where we hate ourselves . We feel like there's something that we did , that we have that moment . And what you said , something that you said I would love to kind of double click on . You said we do this to ourselves .
What do you mean by that ? What did you mean by that statement ?
Most of the time now this is outside of so neurologically , neurologically when it comes into forms , external and internal , but of course you can have both . Yeah Right , incest , an accident , financial disaster , natural disasters , death , those are the external influence that's actually really imprint onto our nervous system .
But the most of time people go oh yeah , my childhood was fine , no big deal , I don't remember anything . But they don't remember . So I have , I'm an acronym junkie , so I got to tell everybody that I got 100 , so but it's my way of explaining and giving people anchorously remember .
And one of them is the NSI nervous system index and it's a way for people to quantify what's going on inside . And zero to 10 , 10 being the highest .
So in the moment , as a you know , 579 , 1113 year old , did you have a perception where your nervous system went to an eight , nine , 10 for a period of time and then in that intensity you made a decision about what something meant to you , which then becomes a belief . And there's two types of belief fear , that's external to self , and shame , internal .
And shame is very toxic , it's like cancer , metastasizes and it infiltrates stories throughout the lifeline , and so we kind of do that to ourselves . Now other people can say that , like I tell the story in the book , when I was around 1011 , my father looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and told me my ideas were pie in the sky .
Vlad sent my nervous system into the stratosphere . But had I had different references , I might have looked at him and said you know , I really don't care what you think , but I wasn't able to process it that way . I wasn't meant to . I was meant for it to rock my system .
So I could tell that story because I spent the better part of 50 years trying to unwind all that and understand how it got there and understand how to unwind it with myself . So I can work with other people to the same , Because that's my likeness is to help people unlock their full potential .
So as they go through this amazing journey of life , they gain neurological freedom to be the best that they can be for themselves .
Yeah , so one of the things that it sounds like you're saying is recognition that all of the things that we have been through have supported us to get to this place . Is that a similar way of saying what you're saying there ?
Absolutely . I don't forget anything that's ever happened in my life . Everything happened for a reason to bring me to where I am . It's like , and I tell a lot of people this , and I write one of the books . Debbie Ford blessed us . You know she passed away a few years ago and she did an audio book . It wasn't in book form , I don't know about called .
Answers lie within you and she told the story of the metaphor of the oyster .
And you know we struggle with an oyster and it forms this pearl inside and we have to do our work in order to claim our pearl , but when we do , our purpose is to give it away , you know , and serve the greater good , and so that's everything that's happened to me is let me do , I am to give that pearl like yeah , that's a really really powerful metaphor
that helps us to understand the why of the things that we
¶ Understanding and Managing Triggers and Beliefs
have been through , because we can get really caught up in that why , which then creates it's like it's creating that shame cycle all over again .
I think there's a lot more awareness about shame , maybe just in the past couple of years , than there used to be . Do you think that ? What are the main things that you think are holding people back ? Is it that shame or is it the ? Is that just one part of the wounding that you speak about ? You're talking about that unresolved neurological wounding .
That's one piece . So when you look at neurological wounding you know a lot of people have different names inner child . So I look at wounding , we have the inner child . I call him nubs because I got to use my aqueous right . Unresolved bundles because as human supercomputers , all we are is energy and information . That's all we are .
Right Questions does it flow or does it get a virus ? Right , so we can have it in childhood , we can have it in adolescence , so we can have it now , adult lives . We can always fracture our nervous system if we , if we activate the system to high enough level frequency , intensity and duration right .
So inherent in that wounding are two things the painful emotions and the disempowered beliefs . So it's got energy and information to it . Now , when we fracture our nervous system , that part of metaphorical , that part of us , needs protection .
I think the main elements that people have a problem with is they won't recognize and then self permission to have multiple personalities . We all have multiple personalities . It is the normal human experience , it's not a diagnosis . We all do it right . So we create these multiple personalities to protect us , you know .
But we created them a long time ago and , as we all know , the unconscious mind has no concept of time and space , so it still thinks we are six , eight , 10 , 12 . It has no idea we're 30 , 40 , 50 , 60s , right ? So when we perceive danger , real , imagine , sound cops . Fine , doesn't care , it'll activate that system and a shift will happen .
And how many times have you and your lifetime had been very fine ? One second you have a perception , a shift happens inside and you start thinking and acting like either a child or reptile and you feel much younger than you are in that present moment .
Yeah , yeah .
That's the moment .
Never thought of it that way , glenn , but yes , we've all done it .
It's normal human experience , but that's the doorway . Right there , in that moment is our little one crying out for us to reclaim him or her , in order to bring them home and love unconditionally . So we bring ourselves and reclaim our original , innate wholeness that got fractured out throughout our life .
Okay , if we can , maybe for an anchor , bring ourselves back to that peanut butter moment . Was that your child acting out and throwing the sandwich ? Or where is this happening for us and do we intercept it ? Or what do we do ? What ?
do we do ? Well , at that moment I was a child and I was only kind of 11 years old . So that was me , yeah that . But as adults , what I teach is when the unresolved gets activated , there is we have to have a strategy . Everything's a strategy , right . So the very foundational technique is stimulus gap choice .
When we get triggered , it's a stimulus , the physiology of the body changes and we're going to feel a sensation somewhere in the lower five chakra regions throat , heart , solar plexic , gut crime . It'll be unique . We felt it before . It's like our unconscious mind hitting doorbell , going yo , wake up upstairs . A shift is about to happen .
But of course most of us never pay attention because we're on autopilot . So there's a nanosecond between the stimulus and the choice . So the choice is either you react to it or you respond to it . Reacting is getting reactive , and either we go rigid , shutdown , move away , chaos , shoutout , move against .
And of course , when we get reactive , it's always about us . We're all narcissist in that moment because it hits the brainstem and we turn into reptiles and it's safe for danger . Of course we're in danger . So we're in survival mode . Of course we're going to make it about us . That's natural right .
But the secret is if we can notice that stimulus and then use some of the strategies and tools to increase that gap of time . Are you familiar with Tara Brock's work from the Mindful Institute ? She has a wonderful acronym called own observe , witness narrow . So without her permission I borrowed it , but I give her credit in the book .
So if you can observe that going on the body and witness and go whoa , what'd that be Right , and you kind of have fun with it . You keep it light , right , because that's heavy energy . So you kind of get you bought three to five seconds . Use your breath . There's nothing greater to move energy around than your breath . It's free , right .
So I teach my clients a four , six , eight intentional breathing technique to move out energy using neurologic instruments , active imagination back it up , things like that . So when you can be mindful in that moment , 10 , 15 seconds , and you can get your nervous system back below a level three , you have the chance to make a new choice . We're validating machines .
We humans are patterned by repetition . We all imagine , right . So we can do this exercise and this strategy over and over . Guess what ? We wire the mind , create a new pattern and change the reference that led to the belief that triggered the body . That's where change really happens .
So it does change happen in the gap , in that gap between the situation and the choice .
The change happens after the choice , but it's got to . You got to repeat it multiple times because young guys might not going to believe it . You know , there's a quote that repetition is the mother of all learning , and it's true . Think about driving a car . Right , when you first drove a car , you're really nervous , right ?
But then you focused and you did the pattern of driving at a very high level of focus , attention and awareness . And then one day thereafter you drive from point A to point B and you get to point B . Go , wow , I don't remember driving . You train drunk consumption to do it for you . It's just a pattern . We're just pattern machines .
So people have these beliefs and I like to say that all beliefs are real , but not necessarily true . Right , they were real when we created them , but they might not be true anymore . So we need to have a strategy to challenge it .
So , inside the gap in volume two , section two is the first technique I teach , called the M&M technique , and inside that tech , one step is called the challenge question what would I have to believe in order to feel this way ? So the premise of neurological intelligence is all emotions are evoked by meaning .
You can't have an emotion without a meaning and you are the mindful manager of your meaning machine mind , whether you do it consciously or unconsciously , and of course , 90% of the time it's unconscious . So the base coding software , so I do everything , really simplistically , if it's empowered as green , it was disempowered red right .
So we have 70,000 thoughts today , on average 80% the same as yesterday . So if 80% of that 80% is red , you're going to keep repeating it . But if we can just take a little bit each day and play with it , over time we're going to start to move the needle . Nothing that doesn't happen overnight . You got to get uncomfortable and you have to work for it .
Yeah , can you define the M&M again ?
Sure . So M&M is monitor and modify reactive patterns . Ok . So when we get triggered , we need something to put inside the gap . Well , first you have to recenter the body , refocus the mind and reframe the belief . Those are the three parts of that technique . So you have to get your NSA back below three .
If you're NSA is above a six which is threshold you're hijacked , all right , you're protected . Personalities are screaming upstairs , yacking away the set and the other , and you believe everything each time . So we can't reframe
¶ Understanding Triggers and Inner Dialogue
anything . As long as we're being hijacked , you know we're under stress . So we have to get an NSA below a three , come back to our mindful and powered self and go hmm , that's really interesting and we get curious and inquisitive . So let's talk about how can we evaluate in a world , not judge out in a world , and you think of shame , shame .
It just comes from judgment , whether the judgment is external self or we judge ourselves . I mean , in that moment I put the peanut butter sandwich in my face . I judge myself . Nobody else was there , has totally self-inflicted .
Yeah , and if you had been curious instead and had been more evaluative , that could have been an entirely different situation , which probably never would have been 11 year old .
But now when I get triggered in my adult life and I catch myself using similar language oh you're such an idiot , I can't believe you did that . That , that , that , that , that that's wow . So I always tell people protect your ID . Your internal dialogue is the most precious thing you own and when our unconscious mom would believe whatever we tell it .
So part of my journey was changing that inner language and really getting quiet upstairs , because really the only thing upstairs is good for is , you know , business and strategy and stuff like that . But they did it living . I'd rather go with my mind .
Yeah , and thank you for allowing me to keep going back to that peanut butter moment , because I think it's helping to piece this together for people who might be having this experience , but they're trying to understand the inner child versus the me . Today it's like those thoughts that we're having in our mind , that internal dialogue , the ID that you mentioned .
Imagine if those things were being said to that 10 year old child who had this moment where he had felt so hurt and ended up judging himself and throwing the sandwich . We can imagine if those are the things that we were saying to him . Like how cruel . Nobody would say those things to a 10 year old consciously .
Well , there are everything's 80 , 20 and 80 percent of parents do absolutely the best they can . They have their own childhood neurological wounding . God bless them . Yeah , yeah , yeah . But 20 percent , you know we have to hold people accountable . So we got to make that distinction there . Appreciate that . Yeah Right , the differentiation is in our adult lives .
When we get triggered , do we recognize that we're being hijacked ? So we have three aspects to our inner world . We have our younger versions , who are fractured , airing this energy and information , and then we have the I call them pods personalities of offensive and defensive strategies we created protecting them . And then we have this highest version of cell .
I call it mel , mindful and powered leader . That's the true heart and soul of all of us and we all know , when we're there we just want to stay there . But when we get hired , but that's , that's the journey of life , the healing journey . You know the hero's journey with Mr Campbell . So when we get triggered , I like to tell it .
There was a story in one of the books . Imagine yourself in a foxhole , 10 feet deep , eight feet wide , and you're face down the dirt and you kind of look up and there's 10 of your pods standing there at the top of the foxhole full battle gear , navy seal , big guns , body armor , and they're yelling at you Stay down , stay down , stay down .
It's dangerous out there . Well , their job is to protect you at all costs . So the internal dialogue is filled with their voices , designed to protect you , because they still think you're seven , eight , 10 , 12 years old and you and they don't want to treat you to get triggered by the emotions that are inside that bundle and have those beliefs come true .
So you listen to them . Now remember everything is context related . So the way you might show up in your friends group is different than a committed love relationship might be committed , different than with your family , different , you know , different in your professional life . Everything's context related . So then comes my filters it by context .
So you start to do your inner work right . You start really connecting to this higher version of stop . On one day you get the courage and you slowly start to stand up and they're going nuts , they're going bananas . No , no , no , no , no , no .
And you stand all the way up and you look around and you're 50 feet from the Caribbean beach and there's a chair waiting for you with your favorite cocktail . There is no battle scene . There is no war . We just believe it in that way . So we have to have the car . You get really uncomfortable , you know .
It's like Cheryl Sandberg's famous book from many , many years ago Lean In . We have to lean into the uncomfortableness in order to stretch the boundaries , because we're so much more than we think we are .
But we create an identity of who we think we are and the more wounding we have , the more limited that identity is , because we're trying to keep ourselves safe . But of course we're going to attract people into our lives or our committed love relationships to poke those patterns , because that's our number one job .
We find the perfect person to poke out patterns in order to make us uncomfortable , get us reactive , so we learn to flip the finger this way , to this way , and we say thank you to our partner , thank you for holding up a mirror . Now I know exactly what I need to do to heal myself .
That is such a paradigm shift what you're sharing about that right now with relationships , because there's an opposite thought . That is quite normal , where people say you attract the person who is worst for you in some way , but what you're saying is that that is the best person to potentially help you grow , because they're poking the things that will support you .
We'll support you . One of the best quotes for me that has really been life changing from one of my mentors is never waste a trigger , because it's a moment for you to look inward . What if we do waste the triggers and I know that's not your words , but what if we don't look at those triggers ? What happens ? There'll be another one , right ?
I love your simplicity .
Here's a really great anchor of awareness . But listen , please be kind with your mind . If you miss a trigger , don't beat yourself up . All you're doing is repeating the pattern and you're adding fuel to your own woundedness . Be kind , okay , you're human . You're imperfect . We all have our special , unique brand of weirdness .
We're all perfectly imperfect and I call it living by the law of 80 20 . We strive for 100 . We're grateful for 80 . And we manage the in between , because we're never going to be perfect . It's impossible . We're humans . Yeah , oh , it's so fallible . What a relief . Right ? And it comes out committed love relationships . It's all about the Amago attachment complex .
So Amago comes from horrible Hendricks how we pick our partners and you add the attachment theory to it and explains everything . It's amazing . Every , every couple I've coached over the last 20 years has some element of that .
Yeah , I mean , I can see it for myself at , even as you share it , and I personally feel some really beautiful relief in what you share . Like those , those triggers , those things are coming back around . We're poking one another because it's opportunities for us to grow .
I mean , that feels very simple and it removes the shame and the you know for , for not being perfect and for not noticing every opportunity , every opportunity that we have . So thank you , thank you for that . That's really really lovely .
Yeah , it's very empowering . You know it's all about self empowerment . We choose how we make sense of things . We choose the meaning I can assign , meaning that my committed partner did this to me and da da , da da , she made me mad , you know .
I can say you know , what is it that triggered inside of me that got me to be so reactive , based off of what I perceive ? So you know , if you , when I talk to couples in the very first session , I go okay , let's be honest here right now , what percentage of your challenges inside the we are about reality versus perception ? 98% .
So when we get triggered , you know we're reptiles . So I like to call it we go to the D's . We defend , deflect , debate , dismiss tonight . Right , yeah , I mean , that's what we do . We're really good at that . We don't go to the A's . Where we are available , we attune , align , assure . We don't go there .
We go straight to the D's and if you know , if you go get D's in your report card , you're not going to do well yeah .
I love that . The A's and the D's . It's very simple and even as you're listing those things , I'm like yep , yep , yep , yep , Nope , nope , nope , nope . I go there and not there .
When we get triggered , we go to these . We got to defend ourselves . Everybody has their own way of doing it .
My husband and I I'm just going to use an example . We got in an argument the other night and we have been communication has been something we've been working on very deeply over the past couple of years , and you know but still these these arguments happen , right .
So we get into a little tiff and we separate rooms and I go and I take a few breaths and I realize that I can attune and align , and the other the other A is . I got to the A . It's like I was in the D and I took a few breaths and I got to the A . Can you tell us what's happening in that gap ?
I can't tell you what you did , but what I can tell you what I think you did is you reevaluated how you made sense of it . You went inside , took responsibility for your inner world and you chose to refocus from D to A and you chose to make it about him , not you . The only reason we go to the D's is we make it about ourselves .
So in volume three , which will come out over to summer , which is for couples so that'll be the third one I teach the mindful discussion technique and in that technique it's a very structured approach on how couples share energy and information . So when you all got an argument , all you're doing is sharing energy and information , right ?
So there's two people a sender of energy the information and a receiver . 90% of the success of that technique is on the receiver and the number one rule they can never make anything about themselves the hardest thing for people to do .
Yeah , I mean , I can feel how hard that is .
Right . But when you can really be a mindful receiver and allow energy and information to flow without being judgment and no D's , it's amazing the flow that happens .
And then , when you can ask questions about a formula that I have in there and you go deeper into the other person's experience , you start to gain safety , certainty and trust the base primal attachment needs with your partner , in such a way that your partner can answer the primary attachment question with a yes , and that question is are you there for me the way
I need you , when I need you the most ? And when your partner , when your uncoch might ask , can answer yes , you have no problems . Your nervous system will stay below three .
Okay , let's talk about very quickly about the nervous system and I just to follow up that . Here's something that I realized in this conversation with him . I'm laying there . I had so much resistance to being in that state of understanding and of listening to him .
I could feel , I could feel the physical resistance of my I think maybe what you would call pods , like screaming at me you can't let him win , you can't let him win , you can't let him win . And so I , yes , but then I got out as soon as we opened up the conversation and this always happens , but it's still so loud . It's still so loud , the resistance .
Once we opened up the door to that conversation , it was like , oh God , this feels so much better , this just feels so . Everything relaxed for both of us . But there was golly . There's so much resistance . What's happening with our nervous system ?
I'll tell you . What was happening in your nervous system at that moment is 93 percent of how and if you if it's okay , I use you and your husband as a pronouns and example . 90% of how you and your husband make sense of each other is nonverbal .
7% of your words , facial expression , speech pattern , body language , energy emission through the mirror neuron system and breathing patterns . Somehow you perceived a nonverbal cue from your husband that got filtered through , a reference . That was danger activated your nervous system . You felt the stimulus in your body .
Now , if you can kind of float back in time , where did you feel that ? Throat , heart region , solar plex , gut groin ? Where was the origin of that ?
Yeah , throat and gut , there you go .
So those , when those are your markers to go , whoa , slow down . Then you can start interrupting the programming , right . So the throat represents metaphorically at some point in your early life , childhood , adolescence you weren't able to speak your truth and you had to cap it and that's why it stuck there .
Now the fun part is when you metaphorically put an image on it . Is it red or black ? Where Answer path Is it red or black ? Yeah , the metaphoric image of whatever stuck to your throat Black , it's black , probably sadness . Then you felt there was a sadness around whatever , that perception of the I call it ines and apple neurological experience
¶ Relationships and Growth
that stuck there , that you perceived in some nonverbal cue from your husband that was reminiscent of whoever it was , that was the antagonist of the wounding which triggered the implicit memory . That activated the inner world , triggered the nervous system physiologically . Now your pie , your little girl , is exposed . Your pod has to come in and protect you .
So they bring all their D's in here and they're talking to you . Okay , let's get ready . Battle time , right ? Until your mel showed up . Go , wait a second now Let me just take a break here , take a breath , lower my anus . So that's what you went through .
Thank you for walking us through this . I think that's really helpful for anybody listening , and my husband and I are always willing to air our stuff , but that's been so for me .
I've done so much of this work in my career and focus there , and so it's so interesting how it can come up in a whole different way in our relationships , because relationships was that's the place that I've avoided for so long , to be fully transparent with everybody , like that is my place that I've just avoided , and now I've , in the recent time , started to
turn inward on that . Seeing , like , how I'm showing up in relationships is impacting the rest of my life . Of course , how you show up and one thing is all things , but we still like try to put a you know little cover on that one area we don't want to face , but it's time for me to face it .
So it's fascinating to feel these things that have come up in my throat and in my gut in my career and I've worked through them , but I'm noticing , oh my gosh , it's like it feels like the same thing , but in relationships . Do you see that ? Is that a thing that happens with people ?
And it . Nothing will trigger it more than a committed love relationship and you never work through it . You desensitize it , but it's a wound , but always be there . But what was once would trigger you to an eight . Nine might be a two , three and if it's anything from a three below , that's just being human . You get upset , you get pissed , you get whatever .
We're allowed that . But when we get above three and we're approaching six , we better wake up , right , because that's when damage occurs .
I call that's when we inject negativity , obstruction , turmoil and conflict in the space of whatever the we is , whether it's committed love relationship , parent to a child , cause I mean children can trigger your unresolvedness in a big way . Unfortunately we all do it as parents . There's no way of getting around it . You just try to minimize it .
But we get really uncomfortable and our energy gets awakened . We metaphorically project that we protect . So we kind of take that old junk and we throw it right back at our children without even knowing we're doing it and it's unfortunate but it's going to happen .
But if we can minimize it and catch ourselves and use our children's mirrors and say , you know , we can interrupt the programming because so many of my clients who have younger children , I tell them my number one responsibility is to get them to end family legacy Cause we did , we did , we pass it down . We're humans , that's what we do .
So there's there's only some disempowered family legacy thought , emotion , behavior , story that gets passed down to one of the kids in some way , shape or form .
If I can get parents to do their work and to heal , then they're not as triggerable and so they're not going to throw that energy back at the child with this much frequency , intensity , duration to wound that child to the child and does it to their child . So that's another angle of my work that I I really focus on to end that legacy .
Yeah , Thank you for sharing that . I think there's also looking back and realizing . We can have so much compassion for our ancestors , who pass things down , and then compassion for ourselves realizing oh , these are simply things that have been been passed down .
You know , time after time after time , and with my awareness I have , I'm empowered to interrupt that and to shift that and to change that .
Absolutely . And in my work I deal well . I do dabble in other areas , but for the purpose of my books and everything else from the third trimaster to now , right , the human nervous system that you occupy . But let's not kid ourselves .
We have these things called genes and DNA and we have lineage and there's no doubt my mind I cannot scientifically prove it , but people working on that that patterns get passed down . But in the world of epigenetics we are learning that through the power of mind and focus and attention we can influence the expression of certain genes which display as patterns .
So there's multiple ways we can come at this . So I like to take the neurological intelligence as an impact on that , because we're changing the way we're looking at things and we're changing our patterns . So it's going to have an impact , I believe , on the expression of the red genes . So we enhance the green ones and unexpressed the red .
Yeah , I thank you for bringing it to epigenetics . I find it really fascinating and also the idea of it so empowering because it gives you the power to shift things , because the belief that something was simply handed to us and I have this , because I have this and there's nothing I can do about it , is incredibly disempowering .
So the idea gets me really excited and people like you who've been doing this work you've likely been proving it over time , right Like we know , because we see it and we experience it and it's really cool . Thank you , by the way , for allowing us to go into my experience with my husband and I hope for the listener . We can all relate to these same things .
If you've ever had a committed partner , if you have children , you can relate to these relational things that come up , how it triggers our nervous system and what you're sharing is what we can do in order to intercept that and to shift into the greens instead of the reds .
I want to acknowledge your courage to being vulnerable , open and real with your listeners and with yourself . You know there was a movie that came out when I was very young called Gremlins , and they multiply at night . Gremlins disappeared whenever the sun came up .
Darkness can never live in the light and I acknowledge you for shining light in areas of darkness to share with your people and to share with me to facilitate your own healing and growth , and I think it's beautiful .
Thank you . I appreciate that I'll receive that and I think it's important that we all , as we feel comfortable , start to speak our truth about these things . I think it does come down to the nervous system and working at the pace that feels really good . It sounds like you are re .
You're saying very similar things in that realm , like meet yourself where you are , keep moving forward , keep following that light , and that can , that will always lead us to better places .
So I love that idea . We're going to be uncomfortable , though . Don't stay in the comfort zone . You can't grow there . But , at your pace , lean in , lean back . Lean in , but keep moving . We can always . We're always more than we think we are . So wherever your spirit , your purpose leads you , keep leaning in . Yeah , that's powerful .
I can't believe everything you tell yourself .
Yeah , yes , okay . Well , what do you think is the number one thing ? That is , keeping people tethered to a life that they don't feel like is meant for them , keeping them from stepping into the most brilliant life that they could live ?
Here . You know John Lennon had a great quote about fear and love , gerald Leampowski also . But the grade ? There's two forces in human nature fear and love . If I'm focused on fear , I'm not going to focus on self love and honoring myself . So it brings me to another anchor .
I was working with a client one night 15 years ago , talking to her late one night on the phone and she was going through another relationship and she wasn't honoring herself . And this , this acronym , came up to me out of nowhere with this vision . Remember Betty White , sweet grandmother , she in the movie their proposal .
She just give you a hug and she'd look at you and go honey , are you being enthusiastically true to you ? So I call it Betty , being enthusiastically true to you . When people are focused on fear and not loving that , they're not being true to themselves and they know it . But there's a reason they're struggling .
You know , if you look at the hero's journey , you have to slay your dragon and there's three opponents the inner opponent , the intimate opponent , external opponent , and you have to go into a cave and get really uncomfortable , face your greatest fear and come outside .
Come out the other end and find your bliss , which is really your purpose for being on this earth . All right , you got to . You got to open up your your oyster . So people don't believe them themselves enough and A they probably didn't have anybody teaching them that would . You know .
Empowerment , you know , if we believe we're a victim , then we believe we can't do anything about it . And if you believe that story long enough , you're going to live that story and it's all . Beliefs are real but not necessarily true and if you really reevaluate it now , it's not true .
So I have tremendous compassion , I think , people who there is there is a realm where people do get trapped , where they're not living their authentic lives because of external influences . So there's a balance here , so let's be respectful of that . But there's another part of it that they can't express their trueness and they can't put up boundaries .
Now , if you look at the five parts of codependency , you know self-esteem , boundaries , owning your knowingness , getting your needs in one's mind , moderating your inner world , and you focus on those five realms . There's not a mountain you can't climb . You just have to be willing to climb .
That willingness is . That is big , and the fear can get in the way of that for sure . Thank you for that . That was really powerful . One last question for you . If you're willing , glenn , where do you see the magic in the world ?
Where do I see the magic ? I see the magic in the little ones eyes who are totally open , vulnerable , real and haven't been wounded yet . The joy and the smile , the spontaneity , the value . You know , my niece had a baby in June .
My nephew's wife had a baby in August and just seeing the joy and knowing what I know now and looking back and just going , wow , I hope you get to keep this the rest of your life .
Well , if I can reflect back to you , I see a lot of that joy in you and , likely because of how much you have done with some of this , you have almost that really beautiful , open , curious , childlike sensibility to you , while also having all of the knowledge and expertise and everything , and I think that's rare . So thank you for coming and sharing .
I did an awful lot of work in one day . If you want to do it again , I'll tell you the whole journey of how you name it . I've been there , done that .
I believe it . Thank you so much for coming on and sharing everything that you've shared today .
You're welcome . It was such a pleasure . Thank you for inviting me , but even more so to opening up and sharing you . Yeah , I appreciate that You're welcome . Thank you so much .
One last question when can people find you , where can they connect with you and work with you ?
Thank you . So my website , center4nicom , has everything to connect my most close social media , yada yada , but the website is where you can look for one-on-one coaching or my future workshops , because I'll be doing workshops individuals , couples in person , online . I really want to create a coach training certification in this modality . That's coming down the road .
Awesome and all of the links are in the show notes , so if you want to connect with Glenn , you can Thanks again . Thank you so much to Glenn for coming on and I hope this episode really
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made you think about some of the things . A couple things . Hope it made you think a little bit and hope it helped you to feel validated , to feel seen for some of the things that you yourself have experienced and to offer yourself compassion for the place where you are at . And yeah , number five , to feel empowered .
To feel empowered that , no matter where you are on your journey , you are exactly where you are meant to be . You have all of the skills that you need to move yourself forward . You can go and resolve that inner world and support yourself in moving forward and therefore share that oyster , that pearl , with the world . Thank you so much for joining this episode .
Stay tuned for Thursday , where I'm going to pull out a little thread from this episode and share it with you so that we can dig a little bit deeper into this episode .
If there was something you really loved about this episode , I invite you to share it with a friend , or you can always take a screenshot of it and put it on social media to share it with all your friends . If you tag me and Glenn , we will re-share your posts . You can find our handles in the show notes . I'm under Heather Jen on Instagram .
You just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see . I'll see you next time , bye .