Quitter's Guilt: What it is, and how it might be tethering you

Hey there , unicorn , welcome back to the podcast for this Thursday thread . It's a Thursday thread . It's a Thursday thread . It's a Thursday thread . Yes , this is a Thursday thread podcast . Pulling out a little string from Kristen Lee Geiger's podcast on Tuesday , kristen , in case , if you haven't listened , that's okay .

If you would like to go back and listen , that's also okay . But I'll quickly summarize . Kristen's story is one that many of us have lived or might be in the process of living . We might be in the process of untethering . She had a dream when she was 10 years old and she created that dream life . She went in and she wanted to be a fashion designer .

She moved from Iowa to New York City , became a fashion designer , was living the life , and she had a moment , a moment of 2 am truth . Let's talk about these 2 am truths , 2 o'clock in the morning , when you have that moment of complete clarity of what the hell am I doing with my life ? Why am I doing this ? Why am I living this way ?

How often does that happen to us ? At 2 am . Her 2 am truth was that she was getting on a subway train and she was deciding whether she wanted to take the 2 am train or the 3 am train home from work . She'd been working that many hours and she was trying to decide which train to take .

And she had this moment of realization like is this the life that I want to be living ? And a lot of us can have those moments . But what's so fascinating is that she'd had warning signs many years before that there might have been a lack of alignment for her with this career that she was pursuing , but she felt like something's wrong with me .

It feels like there's something wrong with me because I suddenly don't want this thing that I used to want . I don't want this dream that I used to want . Something suddenly doesn't feel right . And what will happen so often for a lot of us is that we have that moment . I myself have had . I've had this moment .

I had it in hair I mean many years before I stopped doing hair when I just like completely cut and just left that career , like she completely cut and left fashion design , which maybe that is what was fully , fully , fully intended .

I believe that we do unfold in the way that it's intended , but we sometimes don't see those signs yet and there's a lot of unfurling that happens for us between that first moment and the next moment and so much growth . That is amazing . And there's also that thought of like what if I had known in that moment ?

What if I had known in that moment and really noticed that there was a misalignment for myself ? How might things have been different ? What switch might I have made ? And I believe that sometimes we might hear a story like Kristen's in a certain moment to help us wake up . Before the 2 am moment , before we have that huge wake-up call .

This might very well be your wake-up call to turn inward and to look and to see where might I feel guilty ? Where might I feel guilty to quit ? Where might I feel guilty to quit something that is no longer in alignment for me , it's no longer bringing me joy , it's not for me anymore . And there's , where am I missing the signs ?

Where have the signs been there ? But I have felt shame around potentially quitting , potentially not doing that thing . This can come to so many things . Y'all . We're talking a lot about career on this podcast because that's actually my soul's purpose is to support people in their careers . So we're talking about career .

We're also talking about so many things because the way that we do one thing is the way that we do all things . One thing is the way that we do all things .

So if we're continuing to do tiny things , itty bitty , micro moments in our life where we're doing it because we feel guilty , quitter's guilt can go down to being the one in your family who gets groceries . Maybe you used to like it . This was me . I loved getting when I very first started grocery shopping . I grocery shopped for my grandma . I loved it .

I loved it . I actually really , really really enjoyed going and getting . My grandma would eat Marie Collender's pot pies , cheez-its , cheetos . Those were the three things that were always on her list . Sometimes there might be ice cream . She was 90 years old . She got to eat whatever the hell she wanted .

Sometimes my mom would be like will you throw some healthy things in grandma's cart ? And I'm like mom , I go clean out her fridge . She does not eat them . She eats Cheetos , she eats Cheez-Its . She eats Marie Collender's pot pies and sometimes she eats ice cream and sometimes she eats cookies . That's what she eats . She's 90 . She gets to eat it .

I probably liked grocery shopping for my grandma because she only liked to eat things that are really yummy . Anyway , I loved it . But as I grew older I stopped liking grocery shopping . I don't like to grocery shop . And my husband and I had told him you know what , I'm going to start grocery shopping at the beginning of this year .

And it came to January and I'm like I really don't want to grocery shop . And I realized that I was just offering to do it out of guilt , but not because I actually wanted to do it . And he's like well , I like grocery shopping . So why are you , why are you even offering to do this ? But we will offer to do things .

I did this with a friend's baby recently . I offered to babysit the baby without even thinking do I actually want to ? And when it came down to it , when she asked me if I wanted to , I said you know what ? I've got to be fully honest with you and honest with myself . I don't like babysitting . I don't .

I have chosen to be childless for a reason I love kids , I love your kid , I love that you love them and I would love to hang out with you together . But I don't want to babysit . I don't want to do it . It's really hard to do that . But you know , what is even harder is constantly doing something that you don't want to do .

That is completely out of alignment for you and your joy doing it because you feel guilty or doing it because you feel like you have to . This is what I'm talking about when I say untethered . We've got to untether from all of the things that we're doing simply out of guilt . Do everything from a place of joy .

It's like we're Marie Kondo-ing our lives and saying , does this bring me joy ? And we don't do it if it doesn't . And there are times because there could be little things in your day . There are little things with a podcast that I don't love to do . Of course there are little things that are not my favorite things that I love to do .

But when I get quiet with myself and I say , do I want to do this ? It's like yes , because you really enjoy it and you love your podcast . It's really aligned to your soul's mission . Now I could get quiet and say is this something that somebody else would do ? Would that bring me joy ? And we can think about those kinds of things A lot of times .

I realize , oh yes , I remember this is something that is genuinely bringing me joy and sometimes it's not . So we have to get quiet with ourselves and let ourselves be so honest . We're not even honest with ourselves most of the time . How could we be honest with the world around us if we're not being honest with ourselves ?

And if you need a book I've talked about this book many times on this podcast , but if you need a book to help you work through what it means to be honest with yourself and to be genuinely truthful with yourself , read the Way of Integrity by Martha Beck . It is a step-by-step process of guiding you back home to your true integrity .

So if you feel like you know what I have , I'm realizing I have so much of this I don't even know . I don't even know what I really want . Do I want to babysit the kid ? Do I want to grocery shop ? Do I want to be doing these tasks at my job ? Do I like this job ? Is this really what I want to be doing ? It used to be my dream . Is it still ?

Should I stay ? Because sometimes being in that career is actually meant for you . It's just that you've taken on all of these tasks within that job or it's somehow not in the right environment for you . It might be the right job in the wrong environment , it might not be the right team , it might not be the right attitude .

It could be so many different things but we aren't honest with ourselves a lot of times . A lot of times , we're just like I just need to get the hell out of here , which also might be true . It also might be true . Well , here's how we can cut through the noise . This question that Kristen offered in her episode cuts straight to the truth .

You can go read that whole book by Martha Beck , which is really great , and I do recommend it if you haven't read it yet . You can also ask yourself this question , because it's basically what Martha Beck's entire book is talking about . What would I do if it was completely up to me ? This can be in this moment .

What would I be doing if it was completely up to me ? This can be in my job . What would I be doing if it was completely up to me ? This can be big life scape . What would I be doing if it was completely up to me ? This can be big life scape . What would I be doing if it was completely up to me ? But I would start right now .

If it was completely up to me , what would I be doing right now ? No holds barred , don't you dare stop that moment of joy from dropping in . Open it up . Open it up . What would I do ?

What would I be doing right now , on this Thursday at 9 am or whatever time it is , if money was not an issue , if family was not an issue , if your current responsibilities were not an issue ? There is a huge kernel of truth for you there . Let yourself be really , really , really honest . Maybe you would be in a sauna by yourself with a book .

Do people read in saunas ? By yourself with a book , do people read in saunas ? Where would you be ? And maybe you have five kids and a husband and a really wild house . Be really honest with yourself , because if that is true , you're like I just want quietude , because then you need that .

If that answer to that is , I want silence with a book and that's all that I want , you have got to invite that joy into your life in some way you have got to . Your task is to create a parameter for that somehow in your life . And if your answer was , I would be on a beach right now . If your answer was , I would be on a beach right now .

I would be sitting on a beach with the sun on my skin . My question would be how can you get that feeling ? What is that feeling we want to zone in on ? What is the feeling of me on the beach ?

Oh , it's no responsibilities , or whatever it might be for you . It's that feeling of no responsibilities . Okay , your task , because we're taking this big picture . We want to welcome more of that into your life . That's what brings you joy . That's what you've just gotten to a kernel of truth with this question . What would I do if it was completely up to me ?

So you've got to bring that into your life somewhere . And if it's no responsibilities , your task that I would give you as a coach is there is a half a day every single week . You have no responsibilities , nothing . You cut everything off , the computer is off , the phone is off , family is gone .

You find some way and if you can't do a half a day , you do 10 minutes . Maybe you do 10 minutes a day , but you have some time that you are gifting yourself . We have so much more control over this than we think we do . You do . You have control over this because every decision that you are currently living is a decision that you made for yourself .

It's all always been up to you all along . We're always making decisions that are crafting our life . Now , of course , they're socioeconomic I'm not ignoring those things that are very real and , at the same time , we actually ignore our own power .

It's the thing that we've all been the most blind to our entire lives is our actual power of choice and the choices that we are making in every moment , because we just keep making the choices that we feel like we need to be making .

We're just making the choices that our grandparents made and our great-grandparents made , and it was all just passed down to us , and we think that it's the only way , because our biology is physically telling us that your epigenetics , your genes , are turning on in various scenarios and telling you this is what you need to do , because that's made your human body and

your brain very efficient . But the truth is that it's not what you have to do . It's simply what a what would I do if it was completely up to me ? This is going to remove all of that quitter's guilt right from you , because you'll know that this is what matters to me and that quitter's guilt just totally . It's like magic .

When you follow your joy , guilt goes away because there's no guilt when you're in alignment , because you know . You know what is meant for you , you know what brings you joy and you start to see that it's bringing so many other people joy all around you . So invite this question into your heart today and see what comes up for you .

And in fact , because it's Thursday , we're going to take some time , if you would like to , at the end of this episode to breathe in to that question . Let's really let ourselves feel it . If you're in a space where you can completely quiet yourself down and close down your eyes and be still , please join me in doing that .

If you're walking and you're on a hike , that's great too . You can just keep a nice soft gaze . If you're driving , you can ask yourself the question very quietly . Please keep your eyes open and your full awareness on the road .

If you're able to take a seat with me , take a big inhale into the nose , filling up your belly , big , full , slow inhale , exhaling completely , breathing in , bringing your awareness to the places where the seat beneath you is meeting the backs of your legs , your sit bones , your low back .

If there's a seat behind you , taking an inhale filling up the belly and , on your exhale , letting that seat hold you 10% more . When you're ready , we're going to begin breathing into the nose and out through the mouth .

Nice , deep belly breath on the inhale , slow , long exhale , beginning that breath when you're ready , bringing your awareness to the sensations of the breath as it moves into your body , the sensations of breath as it exits the belly , the lungs , the mouth , noticing the cool texture of the air as it flows into the nose and the warm air as it moves out through

the mouth when you're ready . We're going to call in this question , releasing all judgment on this exhale , on this next inhale , inviting curiosity . What would I do in this moment if it was completely up to me ?

Inhaling curiosity , exhaling any judgment limitation , just allowing the answer , and maybe that answer comes in a word , a phrase , maybe it comes in a sensation or a feeling , an emotion . What would you be doing right now ? There were no limits . If anything was possible . What would you be doing ?

Noticing how you might have some feelings or sensations arise alongside whatever that response is , recognizing that some of those sensations might be clues to your greatest joy , to what it is that you are meant to be here doing on this planet .

Breathing in to those sensations if you feel them , exhaling any resistance , any of that accidental judgment , any of that quitter's guilt ? Inhaling once more , exhaling completely , placing a hand on your heart , thanking yourself for giving you this moment to ask this question , something so many people rarely do , to invite curiosity and to let go of judgment .

Just really letting yourself hear what's authentic and true to you when you're ready , bringing your awareness back to the seat to you .

When you're ready , bringing your awareness back to the seat beneath you , feeling your sit bones on the chair once again , whatever seat is beneath you , blinking your eyes open , recalibrating back to the space that you're in , remembering what you heard today , carrying it forward with you , beautiful .

Thank you so much for joining me in this visualization and this moment of breath . Really powerful transformations can happen just in these short sessions when we allow ourselves to really drop in with curiosity and to ask ourselves what is it that we want ? Thank you so much for listening to this episode .

If there was something really beautiful and magical for you in it and you think somebody else would enjoy it , I encourage you to share this episode with that person . That's really what this is all about is inviting ourselves to be our most untethered and true selves and helping others to do the same .

If you really enjoyed the episode , you can also take a screenshot and share it on social media . Share it with all your friends . You can tag me on Tethered Jen . I will always reshare your post . Huge thank you to Kristen Lee Geiger , who inspired this episode . Go check out her episode from Tuesday if you haven't yet . Thanks again for listening .

It means the world to me that you would you just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see . I'll see you next time . Bye .