Is your nervous system controlling your income?

In Tuesday's episode we talked to Kate Northrup . Go listen to that episode before you listen to this episode . Usually I'm like it's cool , just listen to this one first . No , no , no . Go listen to that one first , because it's full of things that we all need to hear when it comes to money .

And also , if you want to read the back of the magazine before you go to the front , that's okay . I'm a rule breaker . Y'all break the rules , break my rules that I'm setting for you right now . It's all good , do it your way . And also , don't skip that episode , because it was really good . Kate does such a good job . We talk about very similar things .

She is a master when it comes specifically to abundance . That is what she helps people to do . She helps people to do less and to welcome more . So striving less in our relationships , having stronger relationships . Striving less in our jobs , enjoying our jobs more Working less to have more money , stressing less about money and inviting more money into our lives .

That is her expertise . She is a freaking master at it and I recommend going and listening to that episode . But what I want to dive into , because in our conversation she talked about money stories , we talked about the nervous system .

We talked about the imprints that are on our bodies from the time that we are born and actually long before we are born , that are impacting the way that we handle money , the way that we react to money , how much we can tolerate and that might sound really wild how much money I can tolerate , but that's actually true .

Your nervous system can only tolerate so much money . Your nervous system is controlling your pocketbook 100% . This is true . I've experienced it myself .

I know that it is true , and so I want to tell you my personal story , my personal money story , and show you step-by-step what I have done to expand my capacity for money and where I've tripped , where I've fallen and where I'm continuing to make some progress . I've tripped where I've fallen and where I'm continuing to make some progress .

So , going back for me , like many of us , I was born into a family , middle class family . My dad is in the airline industry . He worked in the airline industry . He's a machinist and that's a nice steady income . He made for a machinist . My dad worked his way up to making a nice , steady income . However , I got five kids in my family .

I am the middle of five children . My mom , obviously . When she's got four of us , we're very close together , me and my two older sisters like very close together . We're within almost four years of each other , and then my little sister comes along and then eventually my baby brother comes along and during that period my dad works in aircraft .

If you work in the aircraft industry , you know that it is normal for those workers to go on strike during contract negotiations . So I have some very specific memories from when I was a kid , of those times when my dad was on strike , not making any money , not going to work , four little kids in the house .

I remember going and getting food from the place where they would actually offer food . It was great , the union supported their workers and we would go and get food . But I remember that and I imprinted the stress of my parents . There's no way that in that situation they didn't have some stress .

My parents actually handled all of these things quite well and at the same time , the stress was felt . I felt that stress and I've even actually gone and done hypnotherapy on it and I actually felt stress in the womb from my mom around the idea of having three children . So it's like stress is imprinted on our nervous system .

The way that we feel in regard to a situation is imprinted on us . So money stress when we're stressing about money . If your parents ever stressed about money , if your parents were ever in a situation like my family was in , where you're on strike or you've lost your job or you grew up with some kind of scenario like that , it really impacted me .

Now it might not have impacted all of my siblings . That's what's so fascinating about our nervous system is that the way that it impacted me and the story that I heard and the story that I told myself during this time might not have impacted my siblings in the same way , but for me it was . Money is scarce .

You got to hold on to money because you never know when it's going to completely run out and you're going to be having to go and get government cheese .

I remember getting these blocks of cheap Velveeta when my mom would go , which I actually loved as a kid , because who doesn't like that fake nasty cheese that somehow tastes delicious to our body and I don't even know what the hell that stuff is . But I remember that and it imprinted on me when I was a kid . I would not let go of my money .

My mom will tell you . I hoarded every dollar that I got . I would hold on to it . When I had my birthday , I would just stick it into savings . I got a savings account at a very young age because I wanted to save my money . I saved and I saved and I saved and I saved , and it never felt like money was enough .

Even as I was building my hairstyling business , I was so focused on did I make enough this week ? Do I have enough clients in this week ? How much is coming in the doors ?

I highly , highly focused , without knowing at that time I didn't know that it was my nervous system imprint from when I was a baby , from when I was a child , that was controlling my desire to continuously hoard money , because I had this inherent fear in my nervous system that money is going to run out , and it was a felt sense , one of the things that Kate

shared in this episode . She's like it's not just the thoughts , it's actually felt sense . Your nervous system goes on red alert . It sends you into your sympathetic and out of that nice relaxed parasympathetic .

When money , even a thought about money and I'm still dismantling these thoughts for myself around money , but even a thought around money might run out , would send my nervous system into full fight flight freeze . Every single time the idea of money comes up and it goes into a freeze .

And the other story that I have about money is that you have to work hard to get money and that work is not fun . So these were messages that were imprinted on my nervous system as well , because I had this story about my dad's job , that he hated it .

I had this story in my head that my dad didn't like his job and that he hated work , and I was actually

interpreting things that my dad said and experiences that my dad had . He would come home from work and he would seem tired or he wouldn't want to go to work . Well , what my little child brain didn't know is that my dad wanted to spend time with his kids .

He wanted to spend time with his wife , so maybe there were days when he wasn't wanting to go to work , or maybe something hard had happened at work and he came home and he just had had a hard day .

But all it takes is one of those kinds of experiences for us to get it in our head Work sucks , work is hard , dad doesn't want to go to work , I don't want to go to work , and when I do go to work I have to work hard and it's going to be miserable and that's the only way that I can make enough money .

And then I have to hoard that money and I have to make sure that you see what I'm saying . These are the stories that I have lived with all my life and I share it because you might relate to one or some or all of them , because many of us have very similar stories . We wrap so much .

I also wrapped my worth up in money , which is something that I didn't realize until a couple of years ago . We have a very complicated relationship with abundance and for me , all of these same thoughts wrap I mean hardcore my poor husband . As we have come into all of these realizations , I've realized how many years I simply could not accept his love .

I could not accept , I couldn't receive it . And so there are ways in which our nervous system can only handle so much . You can only handle so much joy , you can only handle so much love , you can only handle so much money , and what I want you to know is that there's nothing wrong with that . That's your nervous system doing its job .

It's doing its job . It's what it's supposed to do . We're supposed to stay at a certain level . That's how our body regulates itself . It knows how to do it . Your body is incredibly intelligent . Your nervous system is so freaking intelligent we don't give enough credit . That's what I love about Kay she's like it's the nervous system we need to give more credit .

That's what I love about Kate she's like it's the nervous system we need to give more credit . We give so much credit to our brain . Well , it's our nervous system that is sending the messages to your brain that your brain is receiving and then responding , and then it's sending chemicals down into your body .

But the imprint , the memory , is in your nervous system . Imprint , the memory is in your nervous system , and anything that is unfamiliar to your nervous system it's outside of your regulated zone , outside of your set point is going to send you into some kind of a tizzy , and this goes both ways .

This is what I find so fascinating to think about , and what I think about a lot and support people with breathwork is that there's two sides . We're toggling back and forth there's positive stress and there's negative stress , and we're always moving between the space .

We want to have a lot of space for our nervous system between those two , between the edges of your positive stress and the edges of your negative stress , and in your nervous system we call that your window of tolerance . It's like this is what I can tolerate . I can tolerate this much abundance , I can tolerate this much love .

I can tolerate this much of the negative side of things too , while continuing to keep myself regulated and continuing to keep myself poised and responding in a way that is going to be supportive and helpful to me and the other person , and that goes to both sides . That's what I call the positive stress . I call that tripping your joybreaker .

We can only handle so much positive emotion before the breaker flips , before your nervous system flips out , before you go into a crying spell . Spell when we flip our joybreaker in the positive direction , in the positive direction , when we receive a windfall of money suddenly you get a raise out of the blue , $10,000 extra . You get this raise .

Or say you get on a call with someone and you sell one of your coaching programs and they buy in and it's $2,000 and you're like , oh my gosh , it's my first coaching program that I've ever sold . You'd never done that before . You've never done that before . It's natural that you're going to flip your joybreaker like , oh my gosh , I maxed out .

It's natural that the next day , that 12 hours later , that a few hours later , that in that exact moment , you might start to have your nervous system go into high alert . It's going to say , oh my goodness , can't handle max out , redlining , and so you might cry . You might feel a sudden urge to go and take a walk .

You might start to have this flurry of thoughts that are trying to bring you back down . You might have a whole bunch of negative thoughts that might try to bring you back down . You might have a whole bunch of negative thoughts that might try to bring you back down into the space that feels comfortable and a familiar hell is where your body wants you to be .

It does not want you to be in an unfamiliar heaven , because your body knows how to keep you regulated .

But you know that this joy is good , and so it's a matter of reminding ourselves that this is safe and signaling safety to ourselves , and you can do that in so many ways , and I'll give this example that we talked about a little bit in Kate's episode , where I overnight , this was the wildest money experience I personally have ever had .

I was working a job in Wichita , kansas , and I came out here to Portland , oregon , and I had applied for this job that I thought was like whoa , this is my dream job . This is right now , my current dream job . I applied for it , I went through the process . They ended up offering it to me . I asked for a certain amount of money and they gave me more .

They more than doubled the salary that I was making at the previous job , and my nervous system was like what the fuck ? Whoa , whoa , nellie , what just happened ?

I remember just sitting there and thinking yesterday I was worth this much and today I am worth this much , and I couldn't quite nothing in my body , nothing in my brain could wrap its mind around what had just happened , and so I sat and I was like I need to grapple with this , because this obviously shows that my worth is not tied up in money , because

yesterday somebody said this and today somebody said this and I was like I don't

even know if I can show this new job , am I worth that much ? So I was having all of these wild thoughts .

I was like I'm just going to go take a bath , I am going to simmer in this , and I took a bath and I sat in the bathtub and I remember just crying and I was crying for the version of me who was accepting so much less the previous day and I was crying for the version of me who was up , leveling into this new level .

And I had this hour long bath where I was just simmering in that and what I was doing by being in water and crying , and at the time I didn't have breathwork as a tool I definitely would have breathed . That's what I will do these days I will go out in nature and I will breathe , or I will go take a bath and I will breathe .

I was regulating my nervous system to this new level of abundance and if I hadn't done that , if I hadn't had some awareness , I had previously done a little bit of self-development work and so I knew , I recognized that I was wrapping my worth into the money and I was like , how was I worth that much yesterday and worth that much today ?

And the realization that I had , of course , was like , well , it's not what you're worth , it's simply what somebody , what I'm receiving , it was me opening up my receiver a little bit more . It was showing that , wow , I have done the nervous system work to open up how much joy and how much abundance I can receive .

And so then the universe offered it to me , and still it was right at the edges of my nervous receive . And so then the universe offered it to me , and still it was right at the edges of my nervous system . And so I regulated and that opened me up to be able to receive more . And that's how this works .

Your nervous system can only tolerate so much goodness , and that's okay . And when we tap the edges of our nervous system and we go into some kind of a tizzy , we can regulate . We have tools , you have tools . If you've listened to an episode of this ever on the Thursday , there's a little breath work at the end . That is a tool .

That is a tool that you can pull out anytime . You can join Brilliant Breathwork , where we really go deep into doing breathwork , meditations , teaching you how to go into a meditative state which is deeply supportive to your nervous system . You can go out in nature . You can go for walks .

You can go sit on the beach if that's something that is available to you , go sit in the water All of these things . There's so many tools that are right at our fingertips . There's Kate's program that she's offering so many tools that are at your fingertips that can support you in opening up to more receiving .

And it starts with the next time that you receive something wonderful , something great . It could be anything . It could be a compliment from somebody . Next time you receive a beautiful compliment from somebody , instead of brushing it aside or being like , oh no , no , oh , this old thing , I got it at TJ Maxx on sale . Don't do that Midwestern shit .

Say thank you , and not only just say thank you , but let yourself feel how awesome it feels for somebody to compliment your sweater . This does look really good on me . I really love this sweater . It's wonderful hearing that it made somebody else smile , that they like it . Maybe they'll go get one of these sweaters for themselves too .

Let yourself feel the goodness of that and it might . And then watch , watch , girl watch . It might actually tap the edges of your nervous system because so many of us can't even receive a compliment . I remember my mom saying this to me I'm in cheerleading .

In sixth grade my mom was our cheer coach and she said somebody told me that my leap looked really a herky . Do you remember a herky ? If anybody was a cheerleader , it's where one leg goes out and the other leg is bent and you jump up .

I was really good at herkying and somebody was like dang , that's a good herky , what a hilarious word , that's a good herky . And I brushed off their compliment . And I remember my mom saying you need to learn how to receive a compliment . The problem is I never learned how to receive a compliment . I did not know how to receive a compliment until very recently .

Y'all , I didn't know how to really really receive it . Receiving it means feeling , it , means appreciating it , means understanding that that kind thing that somebody said to you feels really good to them . It feels good to both parties . And if you deflect it , if you bounce it off , it feels good to nobody . It just goes off into the ether .

They don't get the joy of seeing you experience that compliment . It doesn't feel good and that's what my mom was recognizing . In that perky moment she was like , oh God , that didn't feel good for the person who offered it . Jen just threw it in the trash . But if your nervous system , my nervous system , couldn't receive it , it didn't know how .

I didn't know how to sit with that beautiful nugget of a compliment that somebody had shared for me . So if you want to start to open up your money receiver , you want to start opening up your abundance receiver , you want that wallet to get a little bit bigger .

When it comes to money , relationships , joy , fun , it starts with the minutia , the teeny , tiny moment in your life when you receive something and you get to feel it . It could be having a hug with your child or a hug with your partner and really feeling in the moment that hug .

It could be eating a strawberry , really enjoying what that strawberry feels like , tastes like the texture , the color of it before you even put it in your mouth , what it feels like as you swallow and it enters . This is where our nervous system learns oh , I can feel that . Oh , I want more of that .

Oh , it's safe for me to feel more of that it starts at this very , very base level . So I hope that these stories , I hope that this conversation is supporting you in seeing how it isn't just the thoughts that you have , it's not just your mind .

We don't have to go in and tinker and fix all the thoughts and do all of the affirmations and do all of the things . We simply have to learn how to signal to our body that it is safe . Because even as you enjoy that strawberry , the texture might feel like too much , it might feel a little bit overwhelming to even feel that level of the chew .

It might feel really overwhelming to receive that compliment . And so when it feels overwhelming and when we might flip that joybreaker , we can take a few breaths . We can breathe in to the nose , we can breathe out through the mouth .

We can do a practice that I learned from Kate , actually called havening , where you take your fingertips , the fingertips of one hand to the fingertips of the other hand , and slowly move your fingertips down to your elbow and back up and saying you are safe . You are safe to feel loved , you are safe to receive that compliment .

I am safe to eat this strawberry really slowly and taste all of the flavors . I know this might sound wild y'all , but we can't A lot of us can't and so doing this little , tiny practice is going to open up so many possibilities for you and it's going to open up your wallet . Thank you so much for listening to this episode .

As always , we are going to close this Thursday thread with a moment to breathe together . One of the things that is deeply supportive to us when it comes to money and regulating our nervous system with money is to allow ourselves to be curious , rather than judgmental , of where we currently are feeling and thinking and our beliefs about money .

So what I'll encourage today in this very short practice , is to let ourselves be curious about what could be and what is . If you're able to , relaxing back in the chair that you are in , we will close down our eyes in this breath practice . If you're driving , you can simply listen in keeping your eyes keenly on the road .

If you're walking , you can soften your gaze along the way , just being sure that you're paying attention to your surroundings . Taking an inhale into the nose , filling up your belly and , on your exhale , relaxing down into that surface beneath you .

Breathing into the nose once more , filling up that belly , exhaling completely through the mouth , letting your body be completely held and supported by that surface beneath you , even inviting the question .

What might it feel like to even more deeply let my body sink into this surface , almost feeling like that surface is reaching up that chair beneath you , the floor , your seat . It's reaching up and holding you when you're ready . We're going to begin a very gentle patterned breath two breaths into the nose and two breaths out through the mouth .

That's it continuing that patterned breath to into the nose , to out through the mouth , and inviting back that curiosity . Just like you checked in to see if you could let your body be more supported . Asking yourself , what if I could let myself be supported financially ? What if money came to me easily , too into the nose , too out through the mouth ?

Inviting this curiosity around money , this curiosity around money . What if I could let making money be fun ?

What might it feel like to invite joy around money , continuing to breathe and letting your body respond in any way that it wants to respond , not judging anything that's coming up , any sensations , and asking yourself is it possible , could it be possible , for me to shift my beliefs around money ?

Do I see other people in the world believing different things about money than I do .

What if I decided to let money flow to me more easily , inviting your nervous system , inviting your body to experience a shift along with this breath , to allow yourself to be curious and to wonder , without necessarily needing to know the answer right now , Knowing that this loving door to curiosity will support you in opening up to more abundance in your life .

When you're ready , releasing control of that patterned breath , drawing in one final inhale , filling the belly through the nose , pausing at the top , when you're ready , releasing that hold , maybe with an audible sigh , letting your body be supported and held , maybe even a little bit more , by that surface , relaxing and inviting a sense of ease , feeling the natural

flow of your heartbeat , maybe placing your hand on your heart , your hand on your heart , tapping into the sensations of how easily your heartbeat simply flows . Committing yourself to inviting curiosity around your money stories , around how your nervous system responds to money .

Beautiful curiosity , without judgment and compassion for any stories that might be existing that haven't served you up until this point in your life .

Thanking yourself for offering your body and your nervous system this moment of breath when you're ready , fluttering your eyes open and making eye contact with something in the room , letting your vision recalibrate back to the here and the now . Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this episode and to do this practice .

Healing our money stories and our abundance stories is powerful and it's going to help shift more and more people and more and more systems of our world into a place of abundance , less competition , less scarcity and won't that be a beautiful thing ? So thank you . Speaking of thanks , I appreciate so much that you listened to this episode .

If you enjoyed this episode and gained something out of it , I encourage you to share it with a friend . You can share it with all your friends by taking a little screenshot of this episode and putting it on social media If you put it on your Instagram stories or your Facebook stories and tag me . I will always reshare your posts .

I'm untetheredjen on Instagram and you can grab all my links in the show notes . Thank you again for listening . You just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see . See you next time , bye .