Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Danielle Cobo: You've got seven seconds. Make them Count. Says our guest, Sylvie d Gusto, a world renowned keynote speaker who helps individuals and organizations explore how people make up their minds very quickly about them or their company, and either open the door for them or slam it shut. In this episode, we're discussing how to make a great first impression.
Sylvie is the author of The Image of Leadership and Fair Advantage, as well as Mind and Producer behind dozens of corporate and individual online courses, including her own Innovative How you Impress Mobile Learning Lab. I'm so excited to have Sylvie on today. Thank you for joining. .
Sylvia di Giusto: Thank you very much for having me.
You certainly make your a seven seconds count, not just on this podcast, but all is when I have the pleasure to see you in person. I'm just instantly impressed and drawn to you.
Danielle Cobo: Oh, well, thank you. My first impression when I had the pleasure of meeting you, I'd even actually get to meet you initially just.
But my first impression was this gorgeous woman who walked into this room with poise and confidence. And then of course, among the first, Introductions into the group was the fact that you had donated money to the National Speaker Association, our local chapter, to support emerging speakers, and that in itself speaks to your character.
Sylvia di Giusto: Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate you saying that because I always say looking good is. But it's not enough. You also have to follow through with your actions, and it is such an honor to be part of the National Speakers Association, a community that has given me so much throughout the past years. So I'm just glad and honored and humbled to give back.
And if anybody's listening, they're thinking, I wanna become a professional and speaker too. Possibly I don't have the education or the financial means to make this happen. There is a fantastic speaker university here in Florida. It's virtual, so you can join from anywhere and you can apply for a scholarship that I was so lucky to be allowed to bring to life where we support those who want to enter the stages.
Danielle Cobo: Yes, and it was very near and dear to my heart that the person that you happen to bring part of that scholarship to is a veteran. And me being a military spouse, it just spoke to my heart. So thank you so much for your generosity and helping our emerging speakers.
Sylvia di Giusto: Thank you very much for recognizing it.
Danielle Cobo: you've said you've got seven seconds, make it count. But before we dig into some of these questions, I would love to hear about your background. What's your experience? How did you get into doing what you're doing now and becoming this expert on first
Sylvia di Giusto: impressions? Hmm. So I have 20 years of corporate experience.
I worked in, organizations around the world in hr. Usually I was involved if somebody got tired or fired. And what always was interesting for me is that I found that when people entered the room, they said all the right things. They behave exactly the way we wanted them to behave. They looked exactly the way we wanted them to behave, and then we had to.
Higher than because of a total lack of performance. And I wondered why didn't we identify anyone within our organization as potential leader for that position, realizing that, uh, some of the great young, ambitious people we had just didn't stand out to us as leadership material or potential. And I got so frustrated that we very often, we hire people because of their heart skills.
Instead, we fire them because of the soft skills or lack of soft skills. I wanted to find the gap in between and study a lot around emotional entire chance and first impressions and how you present yourself and how you are perceived and what people think about you when they think about you 20 years later.
life dream came true. I moved to the United States. what you actually hear here, this accent. Third is a Spanish grandmother, an Italian grandfather, a French father, and an Austrian mother. But I always wanted to live in the United States, and that came true. And then I just switched, you places I moved over and said, In the meantime, I have this corporate experience and this knowledge about emotional intelligence.
Why we're not just combine that and help, leaders in organizations find out how they are perceived by the world and what impact it has on the leadership. Potential, what impact it has on a customer decision making process, what impact it has, how they perceive themselves.
Danielle Cobo: you were correct in saying the science around the first impressions.
We do make a. Either positive or negative impression within seven seconds is very short. Yes. And let's talk a little bit about what do first impressions say about us?
Sylvia di Giusto: Mm-hmm. , you just mentioned that I don't make it positive or a negative first impression, but there is one more which is in the middle and that is actually the.
If you don't make an impression at all, if you are just landing in, if you don't stand out, if you are just communicating some sort of average aura around you. But let's go back to the first impressions. We know that. And it really doesn't depend on if it's seven seconds and millisecond. There are different studies out there with different results, but they all have in common that we know that we instantly create an opinion about somebody.
Do we trust them? Do we think that they're successful? Do we think that they're knowledgeable? In fact, we even decide. Instantly, Are we going to buy from them? Are we going to buy into them? those decisions are based on what I call the A, B, C D E of your initial imprint. And if you don't mind, I'm quickly gonna run you through that model.
Yes, please. I want to hear this model. Yes. That explains to you why people think Profu, that they think of you. The A stands for your appear. Like it or not the way you look. We are visual creatures. Our brains are actually quite lazy and they don't like to work, so they take a shortcut through our eyes that I includes your body image.
Are you tall? Are you short? Does your body look healthy? the clothes you, cover your body with your hair, your makeup, your accessories, the entire visual picture that you, create and looking. But it's not enough. As I said, at one point, you're going to behave your attitude, your emotional intelligence, your business etiquette skills.
How do you negotiate, for example, how do you handle conflicts? How do you behave in micro moments that might not be important for you, but very important for the person across of you. And then at one point you're going to say something. So it's the see for communication, how you say it, and what you.
This includes your voice. Your voice is a very powerful tool. It's like an instrument that we play every day, but we never learn how to play that instrument. And about what you say, we know that the first 11 words in , in every conversation are the most important ones. How do you start convers. Are you prepared?
Are you signaling to the other person that you know something about them? or do you just waste them with seeing how are you doing and then move on? abc, that is a model that is out. Theres in CS, has nothing to do with me. What I've added though is the D and the E because now it is most often we don't make a first impression anymore in person.
We make it in some sort of digital. You send out emails every single day. somebody Googles your name right now. And makes a decision to call you or not. What do your social media profiles say about you? don't be fool when you think your social media is private and has nothing to do with the professional that you are.
If there are two things that don't belong together, it's the internet and then it's private. And we also have to recognize that your environment, it's not just about you. So if for environment is something that we take in consideration to when we create opinions about each other, who are the people you hang out with?
Who do you surround yourself? How does your office look like? I mean, the pandemic has shown us that we can look in everybody's home. Kitchen, bedroom, home office, right? What does that say about you? or whether you go on vacation, Which car do you drive? So everything that's around you will also impact the way people think about you.
Thank you very much for coming to my Ted Talk.
Danielle Cobo: I will be sure to include the link to your TED Talk and the show notes for those of you who wanna
Sylvia di Giusto: talk right now. My love, Monolog .
Danielle Cobo: I'm so glad that you brought up about this digital kind of footprint because. There have been times where I've done workshops for companies and we talk about branding.
we associate a brand with Starbucks, Nordstroms, and yet we forget sometimes that we are actually our own brand and our brand and the secret sauce to our brand is how do we show up in person? how do people feel when we leave the room? What impression, as you said, do we make, what is our brand representation on social media?
Which is why I'm a big advocate of being, everybody being on LinkedIn, that is a part of your brand as well as your accomplishments and your performance and, Following up in the actions that you say that you're going to do. So I'm glad that you brought up that digital aspect of our impression.
Sylvia di Giusto: Yes. there are two extremes to go. Some people decide to not care at all and just put out whatever they think that they wanna put out, and they frame it under the title of being authentic. But I think there is a misbelief that authenticity means that you don't have to. It simply doesn't mean that authenticity means that you are true to yourself, but for example, on social media, still show the things that speak for you and not against you, and that cannot hunt you down low.
After a while, and then there was other extreme people saying, even as a professional in your organization, I don't need a digital footprint. Why should I be out But the reality nowadays is have you ever Googled a name and didn't find anything about that person? You are kind of, Hmm. that is weird, right?
Does that person even, exist? I, I agree with you. What I, encourage professionals always to do, have at least a LinkedIn profile, that they at least can find you with your skills, with your experiences, with your achievements on LinkedIn, because you also don't know what opportunities you are missing out because they can't find.
There is no reason for you to be active on all the other platforms, however. Get your name. Make sure that you own your name on the internet. Own your name on Instagram, on Twitter, on TikTok, Whatever platform comes out instantly, go online and reserve your name. , you don't have to tweet, you don't have to post.
You can even create an inbox with an email address where all those emails go there and you ignore them. But the reality is, if you don't own your name on the internet, somebody else can own it. And at one point you could fight against somebody else's footprint that he or she or they lives behind, and then it's hard for you to catch.
Danielle Cobo: And I've experienced that firsthand because I've had multiple people who have taken my profile. They've screenshot the images and then they create these fake profiles. So what I've noticed is as I've started to be more active on social media, I've also. Seen some more imposters trying to act behalf of me, which I'm glad that You say own your, social media, handle your name, whether you're active or not.
Just make sure that you are in control of your brand representation on social media. Yes,
Sylvia di Giusto: this is very easy to say if you have a very uncommon name like I have, Chances are little that there is somebody else with that handle. So it was easy for me to grab all the handles. It's a little bit more difficult if you have a very common name.
Then think about variations. Maybe you have a middle name that you can put in there, but make sure that you identifiable. As an individual on all the platforms that it's you, because in the worst case, what if tomorrow? as a celebrity, for example, gets famous and then with the same name is all over the internet.
Or somebody gets famous for something horrible, he, she or they have done and takes over your space and people don't take the time to research. Is that you or is it not you? be very careful with, the space you have to own on the internet. Mm-hmm. . Yep.
Danielle Cobo: in addition to first impressions, how do first impressions impact how others perceive us, as well as how we perceive ourselves.
Mm-hmm. .
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Sylvia di Giusto:
have you ever tried to memorize a list of 20 items?
Danielle Cobo: Yes. And it's nearly impossible for me. ,
Sylvia di Giusto: but Which ones do you usually remember the most?
Danielle Cobo: Ooh, items. I don't know. I'm so good at memorizing things, which is why I'm always writing them down. Yes,
Sylvia di Giusto: good idea. But usually remember the most, the first ones.
Oh, yes. And the last ones. Mm-hmm. . And we forget a lot of things that happened in middle, or sometimes when we go into meetings, we remember the first things that happened. And then the last things that happened, and with both informations, we walk out and incredibly biased. a lot of my work is about unconscious bias.
Unconscious bias that works for you or against you and the way you think about yourself as well as. Others perceive you, and that is the biggest problem with first impressions. It's not so much about the first impression and what you can do in those seven seconds or four seconds. It is what happens afterwards, which biases are working against you.
For example, if you have a jock candidate applying in your and he, she, they walks in you'll notice something sloppy on their appearance. I promise you, your brain is wired in a way that you automatically look for more sloppiness. It's confirmation. By us working against that candidate, you will find the sloppiness in their behavior and the ver that they say.
You will find the sloppiness in the material they brought. If they printed the, there is one type of, your brain will find it and confirm that this person really must be sloppy, and then you make your decision. But you can also use that to your advantage. By giving people in the beginning what you want them to think about you instantly, confirmation bias will work for you.
And to do that, you have to identify first, what should my first impressions be and what should the end goal, the lasting impression be? And only if you know that you can adjust your appearance, behavior, communication. Digital footprint and environment based on that goal that you want to irin that information and hopefully buyers is working for you rather than against
Danielle Cobo: you.
Ooh, so we can use it to our advantage if we go in really thinking about what do we want the perception to be of us and how does it model our behavior?
Sylvia di Giusto: Very often when we talk about unconscious bias, people have an approach that we need to eliminate unconscious bias. But that is something we cannot achieve because we all grew up in different cultures environments with histories and personal experiences, you will never be able to eliminate it.
What you can do though, is the self awareness that, first of all, you are biased too. I am biased and so are you, and so is every listener. what can you do for yourselves to conquer those biases best possible to be aware of them and realize, Oh, I made that decision because of that trigger here, let's go back and remove the trigger and look from a new perspective.
And second, being aware that Everybody approaches you to their filters. That's why there is no one size fits all formula. I can't tell you what the best first impression is because even if you create your first best impression in your mind, , it's still perceived by different filters, different generations, different genders, different races, but this is your only opportunity to control it.
And if you don't control your brand as you know, then somebody else will control it.
Danielle Cobo: Mm-hmm. taking control of the narrative of what people will say about us and what we want people to say about us. Mm-hmm. . Okay. What happens if we make a bad first impression and how can we recover from a bad first impression?
Sylvia di Giusto: first of all, you need to realize we all make it. I make bad first impressions. You make first impressions, so I always encourage people, forgive yourself that is the first step, because the great thing is you are at least aware that you made a bad first impression. Instead, it depends a little bit on who did it impact?
Did it only impact yourself? You yourself, don't feel great about yourself? then go back and think about what could I have done better and learn from this. lessons It's a little bit different if your bad in first impression impacted somebody else because you offended somebody knowingly or unknowingly there is no better way than to apologize.
To go to that person and apologize in a serious and empathetic way and own your mistake and say, sorry, not just sorry to say sorry because you really mean it, but also draw consequences on how you will behave a peer or communicate. Differently in the future and follow through because consistency is the key.
If you want to change somebody's opinion about you, you can only be successful if you stay consistent to a specific appearance, behavior, communication over and over and over again until they are limited. They are unconsciously biased and thoughts about you and say, Well, it was just a one-time thing and it happened.
What I'm hearing
Danielle Cobo: you say is in addition to owning it, apologizing for it, but also communicating what that person can expect from you moving forward. And that's an element that I don't necessarily know a lot of us speak to when we take that. I'm sorry, a step.
Sylvia di Giusto: Yes. We say way too often. I'm sorry. We apologize for things that we don't even are responsible for.
For whatever reason, and it's really tough for us to say sorry when we know we were responsible for that, and then we need to make a promise and follow through to showcase that we have actually learned something from the incident, and really try hard to be consistent and consistent and consistent. For me, with the European background, it is beautiful to observe the American culture here because you are the country of second chances.
It is very different with an European cultural background where I always use, without going into politics, But things that happen to former presidents, that they have done, and they have gotten another chance, and another chance, and another chance. A lot of politicians out there that are much, who make a mistake because we all make mistakes and they just make it on a public platform if they apologize.
And then follow through with their actions. This is the country of forgive. Mm.
Danielle Cobo: I'm glad to hear that because you're right. We do all make mistakes and I can only imagine how difficult it is when you are on such a high public platform and you've got everybody's eyes that are scrutinizing every action that you're doing, whether you're in politics or celebrity.
We're so quick to judge. Instead of taking a step back and saying, We're all human, we're all gonna make mistakes, be empathetic and give each other that second.
Sylvia di Giusto: Exactly. Beautifully sent.
Danielle Cobo: you've shared a lot of advice and taking into how we can make great first impressions, what to do if we've made a mistake and made a bad first impression, which I say typically.
It's okay to make mistakes, Just make sure that they're new and original. .
Sylvia di Giusto: Nothing well said, .
Danielle Cobo: um, what kind of three words of wisdom do you want to leave our audience with now knowing that we remember the first, of the conversation and the ending of the conversation? What do you wanna leave our audience with today so that they can be making that great first impression?
Sylvia di Giusto: Such a great question. self awareness. I think we really take the time and the effort to invest into ourselves in the way that we become more as self aware. Especially about the amazing human beings that we are, the strengths, the experiences, the values and beliefs, the accomplishments that we have. I, I have an exercise where I lead us for 15 questions to discover their peer advantage.
And it is amazing for me to see how really we sit down and create a profile and our avatar about our. And figure out how unique we actually are. What a unique gift we are to the world. Self care is the second one. Self care is probably one of the most underestimated, yet most important elements of the way you are perceived.
Because if you don't take care of yourself first, people do not think that you have the capability to take care of. Especially important of what leaders in organizations or even if you are on the way to, create your own business, if you don't take care of yourself first, people will not buy into the fact that you could possibly take care of them.
And then self-control. So self awareness, self control. We are human beings. We are filled with emotions. We so often. know, follow our gut feelings and those emotions very often, very easily get triggered, triggered by circumstances. I know those circumstances are in us. We are tired, we are overworked. We didn't take care of ourselves while they are around us.
It's noisy. It's. Stressful. It's a critical situation. I think the moment you try to better control yourself, the more effective will be your appearance, your behavior, your communication, your digital footprint, and even the environment around you.
Danielle Cobo: So it's self awareness. Self care and self-control are the three words of wisdom you're leaving our audience with on how we can make our first impression.
I think this is an episode that I am going to listen to and play back multiple times because you've shared so many words of wisdom and how we can make that first impression, which is important in all areas of our life.
Sylvia di Giusto: Absolutely, and I appreciate that you wanna listen to it again and again and again.
But you and I are very fortunate that we are actually neighbors and I think we should just meet more of new person.
Danielle Cobo: Yes. I'm very fortunate. We are also not only neighbors, we're both part of the National Speaker Association, which has become a community of. Friendship is what my experience has been thus far through, the organization and, it's been very welcoming and warming, which is incredible considering that one of the most recent conferences we went to, there was 1200 people.
It was my first influence, and yet I was greeted just with open arms, immediate.
Sylvia di Giusto: we always say, Welcome home when you the nationals because association. And we are so glad and honored to have you because you are such an amazing asset to our group. And I cannot wait until I see you working a stage out there and be your audience and cheer for you.
Danielle Cobo: Oh, thank you. for those of you listening, thank you for tuning in and create an intentional day.