Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Danielle Cobo: Do you want powerful strategies to take your skillset to the next level? Everyone knows that feedback is critical, but why do so many of us struggle with asking for help? This episode reveals a secret technique on how to ask for guidance needed for success, and more importantly, how can you transform this advice into actionable steps and skyrocket your career towards greater heights.
Today's guest is Dakkar Rivera. Through her speaking and coaching, she shares the lows and highs of her own success journey in Jakarta's journey. She describes how she overcame the stigma and challenges of being a teen mom to build resiliency and a successful career.
Danielle Cobo: Dakkar. I am so excited to have you on the podcast. We met at the National Speaker Association, and what I have found to be so great in our journey is this connection, this energy that you have right away when meeting you , and for our listeners, share with us, you've had a very unique kind of, career in corporate.
Danielle Cobo: What do you think has led to your success?
Jecara Rivera: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. Danielle, this has been an amazing life journey and to be able to share that with your listeners is gonna be a charri today. Now I've been in corporate, America for about 20 years, and so I went to school for the degree I have in finance and have been working in that same field for some time and to be able to.
Jecara Rivera: have a Sustaining career like that, you need to have the longevity mindset. You need to be resilient because those working up a corporate ladder, the glass ceiling is real. being looked over is real. And so you have to see the external factors that are around you and be able to navigate through that. But there's also internal factors that you must have so that you can overcome the obstacles that come your way for.
Jecara Rivera: me I was a teen mom when I was young. I'm telling you, I was about 13 or 14. I loved money and I'm not even gonna be ashamed to say it. I loved being around money, budgeting it, costing it. I would take my dollar bills and iron it. I knew I was gonna be in the area of finance. At some point in my life.
Jecara Rivera: I could see myself in my power suit and my black briefcase with my hair up in the French roles back in the day, French roles were like on point. You had to have one if you were powerful. And I saw myself as that person, as a first black female CFO of a major corporation. And I lived my life with that.
Jecara Rivera: I was always goal oriented. around 16 though,I tell you, boys get in your way and distract you. And that I was definitely distract. I found out I was pregnant at 16 and that was a very hard point in my life. I felt that all the dreams I had dashed gone. There was no expectation for me to even graduate high school.
Jecara Rivera: I was told that one in seven teenage girls graduate high school and that I would probably just end that year. I might go to night school, but there was not much expectation from others around me in that moment. I had to make a decision. What was I going to? all I could do was cry because I couldn't see myself going beyond high school at that point.
Jecara Rivera: And have you ever been so sad that you would cry? That you would cry yourself into the pillow, that you had to flip the pillow over at night just to get it on so it wasn't so soaking wet? Now we've all been through pain. I mean, I really believe that my pain, my story may not be your story, but we know what that feels like to be at the bottom of something.
Jecara Rivera: But if it wasn't for the belief of my mom, she looked at me and said, girl, what do you want? And whatever you want, you can have. I had to believe in her belief in me to be able to stand back up and look at those and dust those dreams off and step back into. things Now at 16, I wasn't very self-aware. I just knew that I wanted something more and I worked for it.
Jecara Rivera: Looking back at that time, I know what it takes to be successful, not just in life, but in business. You need to master your thoughts. You have to have the wherewithal to say to yourself, I can't sit in this funk anymore. I can't keep crying. I have to look at what is possible and then work in. that Second, you have to believe, you have to believe in yourself enough to know that the world is, abundant and full.
Jecara Rivera: And lastly, you have to ask for help , and we're afraid to do that, Even in the, corporate world, I was afraid I didn't wanna seem incapable or incompetent. And, being a single mom and being a teen mom, I didn't. know what I didn't know, so I had to ask for help. in any area of your life and business career, you need to be able to grow and get your MBA I graduated high school with honors mind. You forget all the people who told me I couldn't I got my bachelor's degree in finance and went on to get my MBA in this quick short story, I want you to get your MBA as well. Get master your thoughts, believe in yourseld And ask for help. That's how you become successful in life and business.
Danielle Cobo: That is definitely a lesson in resilience. And what I heard you say is how many people had put their own perceptions and restrictions on, you with their thoughts on what you can and can't do without maybe even truly knowing you. Just putting you up and saying, I'm gonna put you in the box of statistics versus truly understanding what you want, what you're capable of, and, that sounds like, your mom?
Danielle Cobo: Your mom was a person that said, what do you want? She didn't put you in that box of what other people could or could not do, and you had a choice. I believe that we have these moments in life where we hit this crossroad and we can either look at it and. say Well, I got pregnant at 16 and I'm not gonna graduate high school.
Danielle Cobo: This is just the life that I'm gonna live. Or you say, no, this is a part of my journey. and it's gonna be difficult. There's definitely gonna be some elements of it that are gonna be more challenging than some of the other 16 year olds that are out there, but I'm still gonna achieve what I wanna achieve.
Danielle Cobo: I imagine the role model you are.
Jecara Rivera: For your kids . Oh yes, yes. And that makes a big difference because a lot of times we do things because we, feel it's the right thing to do. But people are always watching. People are watching and I tell my kids, I wanna be authentically me at all times. Your mom is not perfect.
Jecara Rivera: Okay, . I am definitely doing the best that I can do. So when you see me fall, because I don't ever want them to think that I'm on this pedestal. Mom can't relate because she's never been there. No, you're gonna see me fall, but you're also gonna see me get. back up that's where that resilience, you can't just teach that with words.
Jecara Rivera: for your kids and for your teammates and for your friends, we are that for each other. And I think that that's super important. I love how you said that you're a role model. You're people are looking, people are watching.
Danielle Cobo: I believe sometimes those moments where we share the failures that we've had and the lessons that we learn, it builds a deeper connection with the people around us.
Danielle Cobo: well, you talked about feedback and there is definitely a fear around feedback and taking the courage and the risk of asking for feedback. But before we go into it, how do you
Jecara Rivera: define. feedback That's a great point, and that whole section is asking for help, asking for clarity, asking for feedback.
Jecara Rivera: It's the fear around feedback really comes from we're afraid of what people are gonna tell us. We're afraid of the negative comments that we're here and instead of asking, we just assume the worst. And we're our own worst critic and we never ask. the, definition of feedback that I use is, it's just information to make improvements That's it. is it positive? Is it negative? Is it good? Is it bad? It's information. when you ask for feedback, look at it as information and do what my grandma says. You eat the meat and spit out the bone. You take what's needed, take what you can use, and if the rest throw it away. If someone's giving you feedback that's not even qualified to give you feedback, you can throw all that in the trash
Jecara Rivera: But feedback is just information to make.
Jecara Rivera: improvement
Danielle Cobo: Feedback from people that you know are going to be honest, that you trust that are gonna give you the feedback that have had some of the successes that you maybe wanna get to. Sometimes there's people out there that will give you feedback, but they've never been in that position and they're just going based off their own perceptions and observations or judgements.
Danielle Cobo: as well. it's also looking at, when you do ask for. fedback There's the, type of people that you're asking for agreed feedback as well.
Jecara Rivera: Mm-hmm. .
Danielle Cobo: let's talk about, now you've identified these people of, you've defined feedback, you've kind of identified the people that you trust. They are gonna be honest and transparent and have your best interest at heart.
Danielle Cobo: as you said, you eat the meat and throw away the bones. It's a great analogy. But now let's talk about how do you ask for
Jecara Rivera: feedback? There are two things I wanna mention here is, number one, you have to ask for it early and often. when we're in a corporate space, we have that yearly annual review performance and pay review you might have, and that's right about the time most people are having end of the year, beginning of the, next year.
Jecara Rivera: you're talking about what happened for the past year. You've waited too long and I tell my direct reports that, you know what? If I say anything in this performance review that I haven't already told you, then I'm doing my job wrong. Because as a leader and our families and in our businesses, we should be giving feedback often as well.
Jecara Rivera: So number one, ask for it early and. Often. I have a question do you find that when you ask for feedback, that you get a direct answer that you can actually apply in action? Or is it more like, oh, you're doing
Danielle Cobo: great, things are fine. That's a great question. I think it depends on the question that I ask, because if I just say, how am I doing?
Danielle Cobo: Then it's like, oh, you're doing great. Instead, it's being clear, concise, and detailed on the specific areas that I want the feedback, but also saying, what are my blind spots? Because sometimes I don't even know what areas Would really benefit me on the feedback. So as much as I wanna ask clear, concise questions I also wanna ask potentially, what are my blind spots that I may not be aware of, and how would that serve me in developing those skillsets?
Jecara Rivera: That's wonderful. I love how you said that because what I find is that most women, and this is their studies and I can provide that study, it shows that most in a corporate space, that men get more specific action than women do.
Jecara Rivera: And it's kind of bias, not bias, but things that we don't notice. We're doing unconsciously so for women it's, oh, you're doing good. Even if you asked for a specific, how did I do on this project, you tend to get a more softer answer, which you can't really take action on.
Jecara Rivera: Men may, receive a response that says, you did great on that presentation. Do more of that. So then you do more of that. , if you're not getting specific action, it doesn't really help you in the long run. I like to share with folks, this is my secret weapon. When you're asking for feedback, ask for it early often, but your secret weapon is ask for quantitatively, the question you'll say is, Can you, on a scale from 1 to 10 rate my performance over the last week, month, quarter, or rate my product or the quality of our relationship, whatever it is you're asking for over a certain period of time. That way they have to give you a number. If they say, oh, everything's great, you're a 10.
Jecara Rivera: Your follow up question becomes, why So? high Because it's great that I'm a 10, but now you're gonna tell me why it's high so that I can continue that same action behavior. If you tell me it's a three, okay, why so low? And you're gonna sit back and listen. There might be something that they share with you that you didn't realize was an expectation of you.
Jecara Rivera: And I like, oh, I didn't know you needed me to do that. Now that I know that, again, information, not a bad feedback, it's just information. Now I know to do that, I can do that better. And then your follow on question from that is, how do I make it to a. Not a 10. That's probably a too big bridge to follow.
Jecara Rivera: Maybe how do I make it to a five? So they can give you that specific action that you can take so you can build the quality of the performance, the product, the relationship, whatever it is you're asking. Now I tell you, my husband already knows, I ask this question often. He's gotten to the point where he just tells me I'm a three.
Jecara Rivera: I think it's gonna hurt my feelings, but I'm strong, I'm resilient. I don't need . That negativity, sir. But I do listen, so I've, asked this question to my, bosses at work, my family, and my friends, because I really believe that I want to be better. So tell me and give me specifics so that I can be better.
Jecara Rivera: I'm asking the right people the right question to get the right response.
Danielle Cobo: That is great advice and the secret to asking for effective feedback. and people that have listened to this pod podcast before I called that Feed Forward Coaching. because if feedback, I think of, well, information I'm taking in and kind of taking it back.
Danielle Cobo: But what questions you are asking is, quantitative information. how can I measure my success and what steps can I take to get to that next level? So it's that feed forward coaching. And then I also think of if, an employer or the person that is giving you the, the feed forward coaching does give you that higher rating than a follow up question could look.
Danielle Cobo: like If you see this as a strength of mine, Do you see this as an opportunity to maybe mentor somebody? to, be involved in maybe some special projects? How can I use a strength to, better the organization, my peers, the people around me, and be in that
Jecara Rivera: leadership role? No, I totally agree.
Jecara Rivera: And, that's the one thing, like you mentioned before, sometimes you just, don't know what you don't know. You don't know what your blind spots are. if we can pinpoint something that's working, how do we make a bigger impact? And those folks in your life can help make sure that you can amplify that in other areas.
Jecara Rivera: Another thing you mentioned too is when you have those blind spots, sometimes even asking that question, because some people, they see what you're doing and they see you're doing well. what they may not know, you're either working on something or that you do want feedback on areas that you haven't specifically asked for.
Jecara Rivera: So there are times when I, when I'm ready, when I'm really ready, and I ask for the feedback of, well, what am I not asking? What can I be doing better at that I haven't asked you about? . yet And in that way, sometimes I get people thinking, okay, well she really wants to be better and I did notice this, or this is how we can amplify that.
Jecara Rivera: that way it, takes those information and the opportunities that are there to grow and taking strengths and amplifying those as well. So you get both sides. what am I missing by blind size? What am I not asking? And then what are things going well that we could.
Danielle Cobo: amplify A lot of times we're always asking feedback for ourselves. What advice would we give for those who are in a leadership role? Because one thing that I heard you say, and I see this often within an organization, is the one time a year that we give feedback is during the annual performance review. a lot can happen in a year and.
Danielle Cobo: Part of mentoring and supporting and leading others is that continuous coaching throughout the year. So that, as you've said, anything that's outlined in the annual annual performance review is never a surprise. It's conversations that I've taken throughout the year. So what advice would you give to leaders?
Jecara Rivera: Great question. The advice I would give is give feedback immediate and continuous. That's one of my favorite words. Continuous feedback. Always giving is just like a cycle, and when I meet immediate, I mean immediately after the meeting is done. If your employee has done well, the presentation went well.
Jecara Rivera: Say that if there is a issue going on in the group, don't wait for things to fester. Bring that to the attention and awareness, and if there needs to be some training on business acumen or how to write a email effectively, or whatever the case might be, do it right away. Waiting until your monthly tag up or your yearly review to say These are the things you could have done better.
Jecara Rivera: I believe that as leaders, we're responsible to help build our teams, and the way to do that is to let them know immediately what they've done well and where they can, improve. And I don't, make it a big point. Don't always lean on one or the other. We could be, I think it's called, you have that halo bias that, okay, you're perfect and you have no wrong now you're not helping them grow in the other areas where they could.
Jecara Rivera: And if you're always focusing on the negative, then folks will tend to look at you and say, they're never going to feel, or you're never gonna feel appreciated if you're always focused on the negative. be sure you're balanced in your feedback, but it should be continuous and it should not be a one-time conversation
Danielle Cobo: Yeah. And, and I wanna add to that too is when you do provide the feedback, provide them with the resources. if you're saying it would to get to that next level or to become an expert in this particular skillset or to develop this particular, X, Y, Z skillset that looks like. taking these particular steps and also let me provide you some resources so that you can develop, maybe it's online courses, maybe it's aligning yourself with a mentor, getting involved in a special project, but we always get to do that next step in providing them with the tool so that they can be successful in developing that
Jecara Rivera: skillset.
Jecara Rivera: Agreed, a hundred percent. Yes, ma.
Danielle Cobo: Well, anything else that you wanna leave our listeners with? There's so much advice that you gave on, what is feedback? What's the effective ways to ask for feedback, what leaders can do in providing feedback. Anything else that you wanna leave our to people with?
Danielle Cobo: I would leave
Jecara Rivera: leaders withtha t question, And I would challenge you to use the question in business and in life, but l love twisting it too, as a leader and you're someone that gives feedback. Be ready to answer those questions on one to 10 and don't be afraid to use it. I know as a leader sometimes you, hate to say, oh, you were a three today.
Jecara Rivera: Well, if they were a three, have your feedback and your resources to help build, if we really take this leadership role responsible, we, don't take it lightly, We're gonna take full on. I'm a leader here in this role at home.
Jecara Rivera: No matter where we are, we really need to be in the coaching mindset, I believe that as leaders, as coaches, we make the best possible people around us, because we're gonna empower them to become better people. And the only way to empower is to be truthful. Be honest. And be direct and give specific feedback and tools to help them be better.
Jecara Rivera: So I leave you with number one, make sure that you get your own mba. Master your thoughts. Believe in yourself, and ask for help and ask for feedback, and to do it in a way that's gonna improve yourself and improve others. Oh,
Danielle Cobo: good advice. I'm also thinking too, when you mentioned something about leaders and asking that one to 10 question, it's also an opportunity for a leader to ask for feedback from their team.
Danielle Cobo: It is not a one-sided conversation. It is very much about that person asking for feedback, but it's also our opportunity to say, Hey, on a scale of one to 10, how do you feel like I'm supporting you?
Jecara Rivera: Mm-hmm. . Very true. And I, I do that with my teams now. And you'll be amazed by the answers. Some people don't wanna give a number.
Jecara Rivera: They're like, you're, doing great. I'm like, no, tell me. Seriously, I, wanna know . I wanna be better. And you'll find time. It takes time to build trust because a lot of folks, I don't wanna tell my manager anything wrong or bad. one thing I, will share is what I tend to do is give them something I'm working on.
Jecara Rivera: If I get someone who just can't give me anything other than a 10, I'm like, you're just saying that . I'll say, you know what I'm working on during meetings not to talk over other people. When someone else is talking, I wanna step back and I have a issue with that. Can you be my guide on that? So when I ask you next week, can you tell me how I did?
Jecara Rivera: And that way they feel like we are a part of the journey, They see I'm trying to grow as a leader. and now they know that they can help me out as well. in that we are now partners. just again, being vulnerable, asking them the question and then helping them along the way and let them know, Hey, I'm not perfect and this is what I'm working on.
Jecara Rivera: I love your support in that too.
Danielle Cobo: You're giving them permission to speak up. That's what it is. You're giving 'em permission to speak up and that creates a trusting safe space where they, they know they're not gonna get in in trouble because you're the one that says, I want the feedback. Give this to me.
Danielle Cobo: Well, thank you so much for joining the podcast today. Uh, you've provided us such valuable advice and I really appreciate it. I know our listeners will as well,
Jecara Rivera: you Yeah, use feedback. Feedback is your friend.