¶ Growing Up Playing Sports and Pickleball
okay , okay . So yeah , I was talking about austin city limits because my friend asked me if I wanted to go , because you know I'm a fun time and I was looking for a good time for so we want to put it in your butt always um , but I for weekend two . We couldn't go to weekend one , which I'm upset about because fletcher's there I fuck with fletcher .
I went by myself , and it was lesbians galore oh , yeah , and I and I live , laugh , loved it . But teddy swims is on at the same time as chopperone , and that's what I'm struggling with .
But what I was going to talk about is I went on a little walk because I need to decompress and I stumbled upon that wonderful singer jazz artist or yeah , gospel jazz kind of kind of everything almost vibes . Yeah , she does a little in the kubota gardens .
Yeah , and I'm like kyle in our neighborhood it was wonderful and and then I walked halfway up the hill to get there and then he's like and bring a blanket , and so I walked back and I was like , fuck this , I'm driving it is 0.7 of a mile .
Yeah , I know , Because I tracked it for my activity , for my fans who follow me on that Up a big hill and then down . I mean up a big hill .
I was like losing my breath . Can you keep up ?
I was going to say that too . Baby boy can't lose my breath .
Okay , we need to do more . Song breaks .
I think so , because I think I could learn to harmonize . I was just oh , that's what we were talking about .
We need to do more karaoke . I've heard you sing in the shower .
It's not good , but I can sound like Cher from her one song from Burlesque . Okay , let's hear it . I can't do it , okay , oh my god .
Maybe after another glass of wine .
That wasn't good . I bet that was just my impersonation . Uh-huh , since I introduced the topic last week , kyle , what the fuck are we talking about ?
we're gonna talk about sports . Growing up , um , playing sports , getting into like high school and now playing sports as adults , we're teammates , I know . So it was inspired by the fact that Caleb and I just started playing for a gay pickleball team . Which fun fact , caleb . Did you know that pickleball was invented in Bainbridge Island , geographically ?
What direction is that from us ? Oh my God , it's like a half hour ferry ride , oh , I went to the Bainbridge Island Geographically . What direction is that from us ? Oh my God , it's like a half hour ferry ride , oh I went to the Bainbridge .
Yeah , I went there one time to see Tabitha , okay , great .
So , yes , it was invented there and it's like the fastest growing sport in America , oh my God , yeah .
Isn't it ?
at the Olympics ? I don't think so . No .
I Isn't it at the Olympics ? I don't think so . No , I don't think so . Like I said , I haven't watched any Olympics Because that's too approachable of a sport , but I told you about how I've been in the thick of the drama on Pickleball on Facebook , the Seattle .
Pickleball group . Well , I grew up playing tennis , so I hear the people who are like they're taking over the tennis courts , because I was like that too , so , anyways . People who are like they're taking over the tennis courts because I was like that too , so anyways . I get like where the complaints are coming from .
That is until you start playing pickleball and then you're like wait , this is so much fun , it's like not quite as exhausting , but you still get a good workout and it's just like so much fun it's , and it's approachable .
Yeah , I mean , it started in like retirement homes , so you know , if they can do it if your patients can do it , caleb , then we can do it yeah , and I'll just say , out of the six games that we played , you and I teamed up and were the only ones to win a game .
That's true , yeah , and I remember . So they were ahead like what was it ? Like six to two and you're like that's just four points and I'm like kyle , that's just four points . Yeah , we can do . We can do that , and how ?
please tell me how we literally went from two to winning because lindsey from peace love local told me that it was eight eight twenty twenty four and two zero two four adds up to eight , so it was eight eight . Eight in like numerology , which means it's like a great day to um , what's the right word ? Manifest , manifest .
So I was like Caleb , I'm going to manifest that we're going to win the next like five points . And then we did , and then we won like three more and we won the game .
Yeah , and I think I heavily manifested winning that specific game . Yeah and yeah , who are we playing against ? Our first , this is the first night of playing , uh , and we get paired against the army of skanks .
The army of skanks honestly , I don't call them skanks , but it's a fun name , uh , but , um , you know , here recently we just talked about my , talked about my ex's , ex-husband , and which . Again , there was no drama , no tea , because he's so lovely . Yes , yeah , but I can't say that it didn't feel good beating them because he was on the other team .
He was , yeah , but I can't say that it didn't feel good beating them Because he was on the other team . He was on the Army of the Sanks .
Yes , I mean , it's a gay pickleball league . We live in this little microcosm of gay sporty people and of course , we're going to be paired up against someone that we know . I wasn't expecting it to be him In the first game . Yeah , in the first game , but they destroyed us every other game . I just wanted to get that out of the way .
Okay , I think we should scroll back to yesteryear and I think we should talk about , like did you grow up playing sports and were your parents like you have to play a sport , like everyone plays a sport , sport like my parents were definitely on that track , like my parents , well , also my brother , who's 20 months older than me . I don't like that .
What 20 months ? Oh my god . Okay , well , a year and a half , does that sound better ?
I think we are like the same because my brother is 14 months younger than me oh yeah .
¶ Diverse Youth Sports Experiences
So yeah , he was like a big , like jock , like he played football and basketball and like all the sports and just like had the like physical prowess for it and like athleticism for it , and I was like a skinny little like waif and I didn't really like I was more interested in like cooking with my grandma , you know , yeah , but the expectation was just like set
that you know you've you got to do like an after-school sport or something like that . So I played , um , I played soccer growing up .
Actually that also before I got into tennis .
Yeah , what did you play ? That's the only sports that you played . That's like the only sport that I played as a kid . Um , and I played for like eight years or something like started when I was like five .
My mom will tell you that , like I just like ran around the field picking little like daffodils and then bringing them to her to like make a bouquet , you just want to be a flower girl back out there and run . You're like mom , but I'm tired . I was like who's the soccer ?
Mom that like brought the snacks this time because I just wanted , like you know , some snacks you'd be such a good like team mom , not teen team yeah , team mom . I actually did um coach my little sisters under five soccer team because I was like 15 . That sounds miserable . It was so much fun . They're so cute .
They're just like running around kicking the ball around .
Oh my god , it's so fun I would have them doing like high knees run the poles corner to corner suicides . Five-year-olds have the attention span of you , so I don't know how Truly Everyone , here is your pre-practice vitamin Adderall , adderall , adderall , Adderall , no , no , you're going to drug them , not drug them . They would take it willingly .
I wouldn't put it in their mouth . You're still drugging them .
No them .
No , okay , it's just a little go-go juice . Yeah , so you played soccer and you did tennis .
I didn't do tennis until well I I played a little bit of tennis , um , just like with family members and like I had one friend in middle school that I played with , but like not really competitively , until high school okay , yeah , so just those two sports oh , that that's not true . Yeah , I did play basketball and I was actually like pretty good .
I was like a first draft pick . My brother was like really good , though what does that mean ? Like it was a rec league . It was some we had to do like tryouts and there were coaches watching us and the coaches would , like you know , pick their teams based off of , like you know , how you're performing or whatever .
So you kind of got like a score yeah , it's on the tryout , yeah and um , but no , my growing up my brother was really good at basketball and we had like a hoop at home . So we would like play horse all the time and around the world and all those you know . Yeah , I love those games .
We should get a basketball goal , a hoop , a basketball goal , that's what it's called . No , we should get a basketball goal , a hoop , a basketball goal that's what it's called . No , it's not a basketball goal .
Yeah , they don't call it a basketball hoop . Yeah , cause you need the backboard . Okay , okay , we'll fact check this , we'll Google it , we'll fact check it . Okay .
But he was really good . Um , so it kind of made me good , I guess Because you just wanted to be competitive .
Oh , I was so competitive .
Yeah , like I had to beat him and I was like the first like he's older but I was the first one to ride a bike rollerblade Like I was always very competitive with him . The best hopscotch are around town Absolutely .
I loved hopscotch . Did you have one of those things you put on one ankle and then just skin it , skip it , skip it .
Yeah , I had one that had bubbles in it . Anyway , as you skipped , as you skipped it like shot bubbles out of it .
Oh , it was great , wow , yeah there was so many writings on the wall . Yeah , but I love that . I would have killed for that . Yeah , I .
I think we should get them . Okay , now I want to hear your list . Okay , you have me very intrigued .
So obviously the main one I played most of my life was baseball . Okay , Started when I was three , Okay , and my parents both did sports , all kinds of sports growing up . So they put all of this Like when they were young , yeah , and then mom played softball in college and then dad was supposed to wrestle in college but then shattered his elbow .
But we were all like they were very sportsy anyway .
Yeah .
So I did baseball , competitive gymnastics , swim tennis , cross country basketball , wrestling and football , just like all at once .
Well , like they were spread out , because Did you just get bored with one and move on to the next ?
So I always played baseball but Like every season , yeah , spring , summer , fall travel teams . So baseball and softball were the most common sports that we did in our family and we would travel and do all those things . But then I started gymnastics when I was like six and I did it for like two years . Okay , um , loved it . Uh , yeah , absolutely loved it .
I mean that's the closest I was going to be able to get to being a cheerleader , because you I've mentioned this so many times before I wanted to be top of the pyramid . I wanted to be doing basket toss . Like throw me up there , Toss me around Truly , and I'm like I mean this skinny waist , you can get me up there pretty high
¶ Athletic Childhood Memories and Motivations
.
The first time I lifted you to do like a lift , when we were drunk in a bar , I was like , how is he so light ? Am I that strong ? I was like you really are perfectly built for a flyer .
Truly , and I have a good center of gravity . So I mean we should try some stunts . Let's start in the water . Okay , that's a good call . Yeah , we should start in water because I think I could do a pretty good job .
I think I could really like lift you and be a good base and I can flip .
Still , I just hurt myself when I did gymnastics and so , like doing it on the ground freaks me out , we should go to one of those tumble gyms . Oh , I'm going to take you to adult gymnastics , love it . So you can see all my little flippity flops . Okay , let's do it .
So , yeah , I did baseball and then was doing gymnastics at the same time Fell from the rope at the top of the ceiling . Yes , it's about 40 feet to the ceiling . 40 feet , 35 to 40 . Okay , I don't , I mean , I was eight , I don't recall .
Okay , so now I'm climbing up , climbing up this thing , and there's a chain that's connecting it to the ceiling , mm-hmm . But there's a bell up there you have to ring . So everyone in the gym is like , oh my God , he did it Right . So my hand slips . So then I fall the 35 , 40 feet to the ground , did you ?
break anything , just your confidence . There's supposed to be a spot . He wasn't there . What is he going to do ?
Catch you from 40 feet , I was what like 40 pounds Still , I mean I just so . But there was a pad or something on the bottom . It was right over . There was literally just on the corner of the tumbling floor .
So then I hit the tumbling floor , okay , which has a little bounce yeah , hit , I've hit on my butt , okay and then bounced back onto my back and it obviously knocked the breath out of me . But then I just start screaming oh so how old are you ? eight . Okay , my nana had gone down to the dollar general with my sister , general taller general general .
Yeah , is that what you call it ?
yeah , the dollar general . Okay , so my Nana had gone down to the Dollar General with my sister . General Dollar General General . Yeah , is that what you call it ? Yeah , dollar .
General Okay , yeah . And so she goes out and then she comes back and she tells it from her point of view . She was like , well , why are all these ambulances here ? So she's coming in and then I'm like on a backboard and they have a whole collar on my neck and everything .
Have a whole collar on my neck and everything , and the people are freaking me the fuck out because they're like don't move , don't move , don't move , yeah , and I'm like what am I dead ?
what I said ? Where's my nana ?
is this the afterlife ? So then I I can't remember , I'm pretty sure I rode in the ambulance by myself because my nana had to drive my sister . So then they called my mom , my dad and my brother ends up , because they were working on a car or whatever . They're like okay , we're going to take you to Children's .
They call Children's and they're like no , that's too high risk of a trauma . So then they had to take me to a different hospital , to UT . They do all these scans , yada , yada , yada , and then we're literally walking out the same night and I'm doing cartwheels . So you were just joshing them ? Well , no , because they were the ones that wouldn't let me leave .
It's because when I landed on my butt , like it could be a lot of compression fractures , uh-huh . But then they took some x-rays and you were fine .
Yeah .
CT scans , all these yada , yada , yada yeah . But then the very next practice I go back and they're like okay , climb the rope . I'm like the fuck I am , I just fell from that . So they did that twice . You were a drama queen even back then . Okay , kyle , I want you to go fall from a rope , uh-huh .
And then Well , not now my back's like already and I just it got blown out last night .
No , I just slept weird . No , no , no , I know , okay , okay was over . I'm like I can't do that and been afraid of heights ever since . But I was on the traveling like competitive team on gymnastics I was level four oh , wow yeah , it was actually quite fun I made a lot of friends . Yeah , um and then . So then just went back to baseball .
Has it always been about like friendship ? Or has it been about competition , or like community , or like what brings you back to like sports as a kid ?
I enjoyed it competitive , but I really did enjoy it no , I really , because a lot , all of my like best friends , like growing up and stuff , were through baseball . Okay , loved it . Um , played every single position , all the thingies . So really , really , really , really enjoyed it . But then so I quit gymnastics , kept just playing baseball .
And at one point I'm like do you know the Johnny Bravo show ? I do . Yeah , there was a scene that he had a football in one hand and was running through people with just that one . Oh yes uh-huh , and I thought that's what football was going to be like .
Oh , not for you , honey . No , thought that's what football was going to be like . Oh , not for you honey . No , you played football .
Peewee pop warner oh , peewee , yeah , peewee . Football , yeah , and I think it was either me or my brother . Could have been my brother , but no , because he hated playing too . We wouldn't . We would get tackled or knocked over . The coach would have to come pick us up because the because you're so weighed down , yeah , the equipment was too much .
Meanwhile , my sister is a cheerleader over there on the sides and I want to be doing that , oh , absolutely .
When my brother was playing football I was like hey girls , great job . How do I get down there and cheer ?
Right , yeah , I can hit a shot more V than that . You call that a fucking stunt . Uh-huh , straighten those legs , straighten those arms . I can do a backflip . Watch me Truly .
There I go again with the word truly , I was like good friends with the head cheerleader in high school and I was like the cheer captain , that's what it's called , yeah , the HBIC , uh-huh . And I was like teach me all the cheer routines , like I'm going to do it from the bleachers it was wonderful .
There's a specific cheer I remembered from a rival school , um p ? U . What's that smell ? P o w e l l it's spelled pal like . Is that your high school ? No , they were the other ones , so they they would . Our school would say that about them , like they stink , and I always wanted to run to that oh , that's the other team .
Okay , got it yeah , so then , uh , I ended up doing swim in middle school , which our swim team that we didn't have a very big one in high school , so I was literally in seventh grade swimming against 18 year olds .
Oh , I always wanted to do swim in high school but it was the same as tennis season so I couldn't like do both at the same time . And the reason I like wanted to do sports in high school was because if you took three sports throughout the year then it waived your PE credit , so I didn't have to like take a PE class . I know you didn't have that no .
Yeah , I literally joined cross country because it was in the fall and fall for baseball was weightlifting and there's not a lifetime I was doing that no .
So I just joined .
Can you imagine Caleb is like really jacked I think I got like a middle-aged mom who does like Pilates , like a little bit of a toned arm . That's what you look like now .
Caleb .
Oh , thanks .
Yeah , but no meat on those bones of a toned arm .
That's what you look like now , caleb . Oh thanks , yeah , but not no meat on those bones . It fluctuates , depends on how much Taco Bell I get . That's not muscle , I know . Okay . So there , get some meat on there , but oh , just fat , never mind .
I just meant like , yeah , if you had , like imagine if you had like a big chest and like shoulders and you look like crunk from the emperor's new groove but there's not a lifetime that me looking like that is worth the amount of effort to put in yeah , I feel like you really have .
It's like a lifestyle choice , like you have to want to do it every day and like it has to make you feel really good and you know and bring me some kind of joy .
Yeah , but you get up and do it , yeah , yeah .
I used to do it more .
I know , but it pisses me off because your arms look like you do it every fucking day . Oh well , thank you . Yeah , that was a backhanded compliment , yeah , so . And then I joined the tennis team in high school , played for one year .
You know the hell we do . We have never played tennis together .
No , actually , and I can't serve , worth a shit . That's my Achilles heel , but I prefer playing doubles because I like playing back . That's my favorite . I don't like being up there at that net . Okay , well , in doubles you still have to go up , I know , but just not as Like pick a ball , you have to . They want you both to go up to the net .
I feel like in singles you stay back more than in doubles .
I know , but at least someone is up there doing the stuff , so I could just get the long balls so like you can't serve and you can't be up in the net , so what do you do my backhand's ? Good , um , so then yeah , I quit baseball in high school because I came out . And because you came out , yeah , what do you mean ?
well , because I was outed , uh , going into my junior year and you can't play sports if you're gay well , I wasn't gonna play there , because even the coach was like no faggot has a place on my team , are you serious ?
Yeah , and people kept treating me differently and like , oh , they thought I was looking at their dicks and I'm like , well , you're like I am .
No , I was not like , wear a cup If you don't want me to see it .
The only attractive man on that team had graduated by that point and you were dating him . No , no , he was actually really good .
Like scouts would come to our practice like the Yankees and like like huge scouts High school because he was really fucking good , okay , but um , it was just like a miserable experience and I was going through a lot obviously just came out and getting treated like that . I was like fuck this and plus like having to put the rain tarp on the field at 6 am .
Couldn't be me yeah , I think I've shared this on the podcast before , but I definitely had people say I don't want to join the tennis team because Kyle's on it and he's obviously gay .
And this is before I was .
I know this is before I was out , but no one was ever like stop staring at my dick , well because are you changing in front of them when you're tennis thing ?
No See , we had a whole as like locker room because we had to leave our jerseys there and they washed them all together .
Oh , and everyone got naked . Mm-hmm , that sounds great . I didn't do it . We did have to shower during our swim segment , or whatever it's called in PE . That was fucking terrifying Because I was like everyone's going to be like Kyle's staring at my dick .
So you said your parents did they play sports ?
My brother's dad . He played football growing up . My mom I don't think she did she's giving cheerleader , for sure she definitely gives cheerleader vibes , but I think she was more into like sewing and like making her own clothes .
And she lived on a farm .
Yeah , and she like rode horses . So I guess that's a sport Equestrian , yeah , but I think it was more like Western .
I have a follow up question . So About my family , yeah , did you doing sports , especially as a boy ? Did it help you connect with your dad ? Like was that like y'all's thing , because if you were like you like cooking and stuff , like I imagine he wasn't really involved in doing that . Like , was that ?
Like , oh , this cause you know it's like the masculine thing , like boys are bonding .
Oh , I think it was definitely like um , I'm gonna fit in better with my brother and his dad if I'm also doing sports , because that's what they were doing all the time and I like always wanted to have like more time with them .
So , yeah , that's probably why I like got into tennis and , yeah , sports I guess in general , and like basketball and soccer , did you ?
like like outside of , like going to like your team practice did , like y'all practice together or go outside and like kick the ball around together , or like oh yeah connection like I want , I need to know , like , oh yeah , we had like a big backyard right with like a basketball hoop , and my brother's dad would like he had like a baseball on a rope that he
would like swing it around , you know , and then we could like hit it with a baseball bat without having to like go fetch the ball afterwards . So I was like , well , you guys are doing this , I want to do this and , of course , I have to be the best at it . So , yeah , it was just like time to like play around , like with the family
¶ Family Bonding Through Sports Memories
are they ?
would you say that those are some of your favorite memories of childhood , like do they stick out ? Or is it like , oh , it's just something we did you know ?
I have like a ton of energy and I gotta get it out somehow and sports is like such a good way to like . Do that you know ?
yeah , yeah , honestly for the adhd brain . That's what I wrote down . It's the most in tune , I feel , with my body . Yeah , and all anxiety just like leaves . Yeah , because you're like one of the same , yeah the like sport that I've been into recently .
That really gives me that sense of like . It's almost like meditative in a sense is the like aerial silk stuff when you're like hanging upside down by like your pinky ? Why are you laughing ?
because I you know what that is a sport , but that is a sport .
Oh my god , are there competitions ? And it's like the best core workout . Are there competition ?
it's called the circus , honey , yeah it's called circus , so they or you can , or pink .
You can . Audition for pink .
Yeah , I think she just does it by herself .
Yeah , she's probably quite a bit better than , like you literally can't think of anything else because you're hanging upside down by your pinky or like your big toe .
I'm glad you brought that up again to re-remind me of my fear of heights and a rope hanging from the ceiling . Oh yeah , you , you probably shouldn't do it . I think I could do it really well though . Oh , I bet you could does it pinch your hoo-ha at all a little bit .
A little bit , yeah , similar to like when you're wearing a harness to , like , rock climb or something . Yeah , okay , I had some good things that I wanted to mention . Oh , because I had asked you about , like , was that your way of bonding ? Um , my mom , my dad , my sister and I were the sporty ones .
Okay , we all enjoyed it , mainly because , growing up , like , my mom still played fast pitch after having four kids , I remember going to her tournaments and she was a fucking badass . She was a pitcher , yeah , and I loved it . With one of my first , uh , memories of sports , I was like mom , let's throw . She'd keep rolling it to me .
I'm like , no , throw it to me , i'm'm going to catch it . Black my fucking eye , oh my God .
Did she feel so bad ?
No , she's like you asked for it Catch it or eat it . Oh , okay , yeah . And then I was like , okay , now I know how to catch a ball . But we would always go to all these tournaments and they were my favorite memories growing up . It's just sports with them and it was just our way of bonding . Especially my dad and I .
We'd have much in common , so we got to just always just play sports and it was just our way of connecting . And what I love he made us a lot better .
Yeah , because he'd hit the fuck out of the ball at us and we'd be like eight , yeah , and so that was one of my honestly my favorite memories growing up is us playing sports and then when Hannah started pitching , I would always be out there catching and mom and her you know she's a teenager they're just yelling at each other .
Hannah's always crying , she's like I want to fucking quit , I hate this , and then we'll come back out there and she's fucking great . So , yeah , it was my favorite family memories growing up were involving sports .
I love like hearing that everyone felt that way , like in your family , when you all like would show up and like cheer you know each other on , because I feel like that wasn't the case like in my family . It always felt like an obligation , you know , like , oh , gotta take Kyle to soccer practice , gotta take Kyle to tennis lessons .
You know , gotta do this , that and the other , and it was . It was never like oh , I'm here to like cheer this person on or like support them . And it really wasn't until adulthood when I started playing volleyball on a gay volleyball league here in Seattle . This was probably 10 years ago , but people at work were like , I want to come watch a game .
And I was like wait , you want to take time out of your life and come just watch me . As someone who doesn't know anything about like playing volleyball , like just cheer me on , like as a way to like connect and like spend time . And it sounds like they probably came from a family like yours where like that was normal .
Yeah , we were all playing all these different sports all the time and my nana would chip in mom , dad . So like we were there , like everyone was with someone , yeah , and but what you were just saying ? You did that for me .
¶ The Empowerment of Sports
You came to watch me play softball and I know , but that's because I like learned you know that it's not just about like the like showing up and the obligation and like being competitive and being there on your own , you know , and showing up and playing the game .
It can also be about showing up to support that player and like finding time to connect with them , like my grandma would like take me to most of my games and she would like have her handheld like radio , like off in the distance , just like listening to Rush Limbaugh . What's that ? He's like a conservative . I think he's dead now . Actually .
Conservative radio host .
He's dead to me because if he was taking time out from her watching you , uh-huh , I'm upset with him , uh-huh . But no , because even whenever you came , it was very last minute .
I was like hey , if you just happen to be in town and you just pulled up and you came and watched because it is so much fun and like I love to see like that competitive side of people , were you shocked how good you are , absolutely .
No one thinks that I'm athletic .
What's the right word ? What are you ? Throw Arm , you have the best arm . Yeah , caleb has the best arm on the team , which was crazy because literally- .
I know those are fighting words , but Anyone else playing on my team back home I have like the weakest arm , so I just love that you say that . Yeah , because I have to like adapt , like I just have to get the ball and get rid of it really quick , because it takes in a minute to get over there .
Okay , well , you're very very quick thanks , yeah , I always I enjoy when people come and because they're like , even just when we're going camping this weekend , you're like have you stayed in a tent , honey ? I will surprise you . I have this very like twink femme personality , but I can , I can rough it with the best of them .
I believe it , yeah , and I think that now we just kind of shift into like what does like sports mean to you ?
yeah , um , and kind of what I was just sharing before and like gay sports in particular because like I feel like there's a perception out there that , like gay people don't play sports , and I don't know if that's like a function of the fact that we are so terrified .
You know , like listening to your stories , you know , growing up in sports in high school and me sharing mine , are like it is scary .
You know , like being in a locker room with a bunch of people that you don't know if they're going to like , you know , react a certain way or get violent with you and you're trying to like put on your best face just so that you can play a sport that you love playing .
You know , and you've practiced , you know , thousands of hours and something that like makes your family proud and something that makes you proud of you know what you can accomplish and it's like really unfortunate that , like gay people feel that way .
Yeah , Um , I'm going to . I'm going to share how I got into gay sports , because it really was already just tough coming out and having to quit the sport that I adored playing baseball . I looked forward to it and maybe there was some part of like that's the one time I got to connect with other men .
I usually was like drawn to women because they weren't like there was no toxic masculinity there , right , and so quitting was it really , really was tough , because I was already going through like a depression of coming out and not being well received .
You know this country-ass school that I was going to , yeah , um , and I remember I think there might have been one individual that could have been openly gay , but I think that they were still part of the community , but I think that they I think since then , they've now transitioned .
So like that's was the same era of time that I was like having to be so conscious and thinking about how I would sit or like walked or acted , or the things I said , and whenever I was playing on the field , I said and whenever I was playing on the field , it was other boys on the team saying it's like , oh , wow , he is a good player .
He's just not that gay boy that I'm making fun of .
Yeah I did love that growing up because I did grow up in a very like sporty family and I was like much more effeminate than like the other guys at school but like I knew how to throw a perfect spiral because like I learned how to do it oh my god , we should throw football yeah , I could throw a spiral and , like you know , I would go , like sport after
sport after sport , in like pe , like high jump track , and like I can jump the hurdles and I can , like throw a spiral and I can sink a basket and I can , you know , do all the things , even though no one thought that I could , and it was like empowering you know , but isn't that also kind of fucked in our brains ?
yeah , that , oh , I'm doing something that these people see as masculine , and it's empowering us yeah a little bit , because it's not , but it wasn't like it wasn't like in my head , it wasn't like , oh uh , I'm . I'm getting a high off of doing something masculine .
I was getting a high off of like showing people that I could do something that you didn't think I could . That's my favorite fucking I know , isn't it the ?
best ? Yeah , because it and I think you have a similar mindset of especially if someone doesn't think I can do something , oh , I'm gonna fucking do it and I will stay up to the wee hours of the morning . I will practice .
I will do it because I hate that there's this correlation with being gay or being effeminate , because you can even be straight and , just you know , have quote unquote more feminine qualities that you almost have to prove to people that you have this masculine quality that you can't throw a perfect spiral .
Yeah well , the interesting thing growing up in my brain , though , was it was so celebrated with ton boys , like when girls could go out there and do all these masculine things that they made fun of us for not being able to do . Celebrated by who , like ? I think , about the straight , straight men .
They were like oh , I want a girl that can go mudding with me , that can go throw football with me . What's mudding ? What do you mean mudding ? What's mudding ? You go up in the mountains and it's like had rain or something .
So you take dirt bikes , four-wheelers , old trucks , whatever , and you just are going through the mud and getting stuck and having a good old time . Never a good old time .
Never , I cannot wait till I take you back home .
Mudden , cannot wait till I take you back home , mudden and gigging frogs . No , we don't do all that now , because frogs , they will give you warts . No , but what I was trying to talk about , so like , especially like when I was in high school , there would be women that a lot of like the masculine football team people or whoever they wanted a tomboy .
Because they wanted to be able to , it was desirable .
Yeah , but then that was so celebrated . But me , who just is naturally more feminine , doing the same thing is shocking .
Because it's a double standard .
Yeah , and it pissed me off , off and that's why I still love softball and baseball so much , because that's the sport that I'm the best at and I always have the mindset of I can do better , like , even like , if you're either catch or eat it , yeah , okay , it's my fault , I'm gonna fix it , I'm gonna do better , not let it happen again , which I was always
a mama's boy and like I remember going to watch her play softball and it is , it's so wonderful , and we have these scrapbooks of when she would go and play .
And I got to meet all these wonderful other females on the team and they were like what was mom like 24 , 25 , like probably around my age , when having kids and still going out there and doing this after having kids and was killing it and cause it meant so much to her , and then I think I got enjoyment out of seeing her do something that she loved so much
, yeah , so then whenever I started playing and she stopped , I feel like I got to see the baton , yeah , and I got to see how much joy that it brought her by from me playing and it just it's in our family's DNA . So , like college softball world series , we're always talking about it Like who do we want to win ?
And we're talking about like the best pitchers and like who are you rooting for ? And I genuinely enjoy it . It's not one of those things that I have to fake to connect with them .
So , across the board , no matter if I was feminine , coming out as gay or whatever , it was like this common yes , we're connected in this way yeah , like everything else kind of melts away and you , you know , just get to watch this game together yeah , and so I envisioned it like , let's say , like if you , your mom , was really good at , uh , figure skating ,
and then you started doing it like she knows what it's like and you know what it's like , so it's , you're bonding yeah , even if
you're not out there together , yeah that's what I like about gay sports .
Now you know , it's that like you all get to like bond over the act of learning that sport or like participating in it or cheering for each other in it , and I feel like in the gay world everything is so focused on sex and drinking and partying and , like you know , having a gay old time and that's all great , but like it's so much fun to like have time
away from all of that and just to like be able to like have something that's not connected to all of those things and just be there to support each other and to cheer each other on and to like give each other pointers and to like practice outside of the big game or you know whatever , because you're all working towards like a common goal together versus just
trying to fuck everyone .
Yeah , and you know what I . So what I was just doodling down is yours .
There's , I feel like in the gay world , this is like competing against each other , like for the sex or to look the best or to like there's a lot of cattiness of putting each other down and so like when you are on a team , like you're working towards the same goal , like it almost feels like how all humans , like how all humans should be interacting , and
like something I never felt playing these
¶ Celebrating Diversity in Sports
sports . I get to feel now and it's like celebrated and appreciated and like people are trying to pull it out of you . And because there's people , especially in the gay softball leagues , that are like make a great play , then do a split . Or my favorite is is uh , we did it .
Whoever got the like was hitting , whoever got the last out would go out on the field and have to wear a blue wig and it was like ha ha ha , like you did it . It's fun , but it's like you just get to show up and be yourself and then you know and you get to be like celebrated for it too , yeah , and what's so it's .
It just is so fun because , like I love seeing like there's so many still so effeminate individuals that are playing and they're just from all spectrums of like sexuality , to masculine , feminine , to whatever , but it doesn't necessarily correlate with their ability to play .
That's like the best part about it . It's like it doesn't matter how gay you are when you're on the field or in the court or whatever it is that you're playing . You know like it matters how good you are at that game and everything else like melts away and growing up . You know in high school like it did matter .
You know how gay you gay you were and because it did affect your performance and you know you were scared to get undressed in the locker room or you know you were afraid to like just be yourself out there .
That's when you perform your best , when you're surrounded by all these people who are like it doesn't matter what you look like or how you dress or who you're fucking or you know , whatever your sexual orientation is , we're here as a team to support each other without judgment and that's what .
I love about like pride , you know , and like the gay community at its best is that it's like people supporting each other no matter what .
Yeah , and it feels like we're taking that power back . That they use the in sports is just an example yeah use it to put us down , to make us like hate it or make us feel different and now even like if someone on the other team makes a great hit or a great play there , it get to the base and you're like great fucking hit .
There's just so much camaraderie . I mean there's some fucking cattiness because I am a competitive motherfucker , but it's just so celebrated . And gay softball tournaments are the best because you go and do all that and then you're out at the gay bars afterwards .
Right , and there is cattiness , there is sass and there is cattiness , there is sass and there is it just is you just get to show up , yeah , play a sport , feel supported and probably have some sex that we can do right why not ?
you know , I I went to a um seattle rain soccer game recently . Oh , yeah , you thought it was the mariners . Yeah , I went to the wrong stadium but I had some bad information . Anyways , I , uh , went to the wrong stadium but I had some bad information .
Anyways , I went to the Seattle Reign soccer game and they were playing whatever the women's Utah team is , and it was so much fun and I got to like sit with someone who I think was the cousin of one of the players on the Utah team . Weren't you related to them ? No , just like a friend of a friend . Oh , but that was a familiar relationship .
It was external of you . Like you went with someone who was related to someone .
Correct , okay , yes , yeah , and I got to hear about like all the like housewife drama . Basically that's going on like behind the scenes and like who's married to who and who's dated who , and the player who was cousins with a friend of mine .
They showed me the whole like chart of like women's major league soccer , of like who has slept with who , and I was like this is what I want in sports , like fuck , like you know men's sports , like not only do you get like amazing athleticism and performance like from these women , but you also get the fucking drama , you know I'm like I was like when you
see some girl hip check another girl on the team . Um , you know that it's not just about the game . You know it's about like you also slept with my wife and the facial expressions you can .
So it's so they're so animated . Yeah , I love it . Yeah , um , I wanted to share how I got into gay sports . Okay , I left . I thought it was never going to play again . Yeah and um , do you remember the same person I talked about ? That had since passed . Okay , yes , I had .
Uh was that you was left with tom foolery , yes .
¶ Overcoming Homophobia in Sports
And then he mentioned it and I remember going to like try out for this team and I was like , and I , there was some internalized homophobia . I was like these are gonna be just some queens that are out here don't know what they're doing , and I , you thought you're gonna be better than everyone . No , not even that .
I just thought it was like , oh , like a gay league . I've never even heard of it and so I'm gonna like I sound like an ignorant man right now and I'm gonna share that because I , that's how you were feeling at the time . Yeah and the that community that I met . I they're my best friends back home and I just they're so wonderful .
They're fucking cunts , but that's what I love is because there's just this sassy cattiness but then like , if you're not doing great , there's like you could do it , like supporting each other .
Yeah .
And it is just so much fun , but along the same lines of being in a gay sport . So we play softball in a gay league but there's like that's only like on Sundays and stuff .
So back home we'd play like four nights a week and there are , when I say , straight leagues , like they're just regular leagues , but we would take our entire gay team and we won every fucking league and people got fucking pissed . They'd call us faggots , they would be dicks to us and we never like interacted or like fought back or nothing .
Because this is in Tennessee , yeah , cause we're just like just play better , right , I mean , you're that upset , wow , you're upset Cause you got beat by gay people . They would just like they were just fucking pissy with us for no , fucking reason .
Well , it's not for no fucking reason , it's because they're homophobic yeah , and I had .
Actually I had a lot of issues . So then slowly those , some of the people on the other team that was also calling us faggots , were realizing how good we were one , how much fun we were having . Yeah , and they had since joined my team back home and I was so against it and I was like , and people like , no , he didn't say that .
Or I was like , yes , he did . I very vividly remember and I would talk shit to him and I was like , and people like , no , he didn't say that . Or I was like , yes , he did . I very vividly remember and I would talk shit to him and I'm like you said all these things . And since then , him and I have communicated about it .
And now there's , um , a couple like straight men on the team that used to be a part of these teams that would put us down .
And I was so against it because I was like you're not gonna fucking ruin this again for me yeah , okay , my one thought about that is , if you can embrace someone that has treated you like shit in the past and if you can keep the door open for them , then you can , like have a new ally , you know that and change someone's perspective on what it means to be
gay and it sounds like your team did that if it eventually started recruiting allies to the team and hopefully they , you know , did become allies and they weren't just you know there because you had some good players on the team and we won .
Yeah , yeah , no , but they really are . And I still am hesitant , because I still if you thought that and you were saying that at one point in time like are , like , is there ill intent ?
People change , though , I know , and I'm just glad that I eventually came around to it , because everyone else on the team was like , oh , it doesn't really matter , but to me growing up , yeah , those people made me feel like the scum of the earth , yeah , and did they ever apologize ? yeah , yeah they did , yeah , and one of them even just admitted .
He was like honestly , yeah , it hurt my ego , because they compared it to like playing like a team of girls or sissies is the word they use , of course and they were like y'all know how to fucking play , and what's fun is the straight boys . A lot of times we play them . They cannot keep up . They can't keep up drinking . They can't .
They can't keep up on the field , yeah , um well , we are a higher species , that's true . We've had to adapt . Honey . We're cockroaches . We're going to figure it out . I am trying to , because I put it in the perspective of I wanted those people when I played baseball growing up to treat me differently .
I can't sit there and do the same shit they did to me , 100% , yeah .
But it was really tough , but it's hard .
Yeah , but it was really tough . But it's hard . Yeah , it was really tough . Someone that like to generalize them and be like those you know , these straight men that treated me so poorly to not hold it against them is really hard . Yeah , but then you're just becoming them . Oh yeah .
Well , that's some like big growth , because it takes a big person to have those feelings and to confront them .
I would say I was probably the last one on the team to adapt well you know , it takes time because I just maybe it was like because I was I'm quite a bit younger than everyone else on the team , so that's here probably true . Yeah , true . Well , I have some thoughts and I'm just gonna say them . I wrote down something else .
Oh , and also it's so nice that , like they do pride night here , like at t-mobile field .
Oh yeah , I know it's like sports are not just for the straighties and I , but it's something about that changing in my lifetime .
It just it's so wonderful to watch , yeah , and it's so celebrated , yeah do you feel like it's pandering ?
What do you mean ? Like , oh , we are trying to make money off of gay people ?
Like hi gay Like oh , let's have a gay night Like .
do you think that there are stadiums in Tennessee that have gay nights ?
No , mm-hmm .
Nothing can happen overnight , yeah , and I think just the visibility of it is good , Like whether it is like just trying to make money or not . I think the fact that the stadium lights up with rainbow you know , or whatever is huge yeah , and it's sports mean so much to me .
So just to see that that gay people are celebrated on such a stage like that , yeah , oh I have a good question for you , okay , okay .
Do you have crushes on all the gay soccer players , football players , people who have come out and helped normalize being gay in any sport ?
Not necessarily just because they're gay . I'm going to support them more . They're doing Gus Kenworthy , kenworthy .
He can fucking get it .
Uh-huh , uh-huh .
¶ Connection, Creativity, and Overcoming Challenges
And then , who is the crystal daddy ? He did the . The crystal daddy he had a YouTube channel that he called him that . He's not a daddy . He was the ice skater with the big ass oh , the figure skater . You know who I'm talking about Adam Rippon .
Mm-hmm , is that ? I think he's going to be my next boyfriend , I mean it's not that far off from Cody Rigsby , that's true .
Yeah , oh my God , and Tom .
Daley oh yeah , Okay , so you do have crushes on Olympians .
Yeah , but not necessarily . Gay Olympians yeah , not necessarily just because they're gay .
Well , hopefully it's partially because they're gay , because then you know , know , you're compatible well and they're good at their sport . And yeah , is it like mainly because they're good at their sport or just because they're attractive or well ?
yeah , I don't know , because you know I love the queer baiting of it all , so I kind of have questions on them if they're queer baiting people and people are so upset about keep doing it . Yeah , I'm , I'm eating it up . Yeah , um , do you want to start with your victory and or vice , or would you like me to you go ?
Okay , I'm going to start with my victory , and I have to . It actually happened day before yesterday . I have been sharing on here about work , how it's been a lot and it just not even just work has been a lot .
I think that's just my only focus , because I've been trying to distract myself , because I've been going through a hard time over the last like quite a few months , yeah , and I actually connected with our other roommate , david , and him and I had just such good conversation .
You guys know , david , yeah , from season one .
Yes , he , yes , and he still we're still roomies and he just honestly him , and I haven't had a good connecting conversation like that in a hot minute and it just felt great because he sat down and took the time and he was kind of Gave you advice about the job .
Yeah , and then it led more into oh , it's not just the job , there's a lot of other things , and I've talked on here about how I've just been distracting , numbing , because I haven't been in therapy . There's a lot of things I know I need to deal with .
And he gave me that kind of chart thing like the seven types of rest , and I used it the next day and even shared with my boss and now I'm laminating it all for the team . What ? Yeah , so basically there's those seven levels of rest . What is it ?
It's , uh , sensory creativity , physical , emotional , spiritual , yeah , some other ones , and it's like you put like a little like rock on this to 10 scale , like where are you at ? And then on the other side of it , it's like what area do you want to re-energize ? And you list things that usually help .
Cool , and it just got me into this positive mindset that it doesn't come naturally to me , but if I get there then I feel my best . Yeah , so then it led to the idea he shared the story about like go for a walk without any distractions . Every time you learn something , pick something up .
And then I was like , oh my god , I used to do that in a journal . Every single day . I would pick something and glue it into my journal and like , why did this specific thing that I chose that day sometimes it's paper towel , whatever . So I got to see a patient for the first time in a long time on tuesday , monday , and they were just so lovely .
And although she threw up in my work bag , oh no , she it just I felt so connected .
It was just such a good visit and I left something with you in your bag so then I was scrubbing everything you know with alcohol swabs just , and then , like some sandy wipes , and for some reason , like we were thinking about , it was like that's , that's one thing I want to use to like remember my day .
So I went and got one , a clean one must be clear , very clean , out of my bag and I'm sitting there journaling about my day about how much this patient impacted me and literally while I'm doing that , got an email saying that they had passed whoa .
And I told you that those kinds of things remember when I before I told you about my mammal passing and , like hummingbirds , were everywhere where that week same day I was thinking about that , I was just down in the dumps .
David told me that he went to the gardens we just went to and a hummingbird came to visit him when he was there it was just this , like yes , this is the , this is the path , this is how you get back to feeling yourself so connected with david , connected with that patient ? Yeah , and just , I don't . It was just tugging at me .
It's like , yes , this is what I need to lean into , because then all the signs come back to me . Oh , I love that , so that's a good victory .
Thanks , okay , should I do mine ? Yeah , okay , I got to help out our friend Lindsay with her photo shoot on Monday for her Peace Love Local brand that's launching in a couple weeks . She was on episode nine of our first season and it was so much fun to .
I was just kind of like a gopher and like chauffeuring everyone around , but she had like models in from LA and model in from Portland and photographer and creative director .
You know makeup artists and hairstylists and you know the whole kit and caboodle and we were going all over Queen Anne , a neighborhood here in Seattle , and you know I had like worked with her prior to like get all the outfits like ready and help her with the styling . And I actually got to model one of the looks for a non-binary look .
Yes , hot , thank you . And her product I mean just really great quality , super soft T-shirts and sweatshirts and sweatpants and that kind of stuff and it was just like so fun to like see her in her element and like shining and standing behind her brand and giving like creative direction . And yeah , it was just like a really fun day .
You're the perfect person to have been there for her . It would have have been like helpful too to have you there , but you know , not all of us can be fun employed like me , so I got to be there .
But what I the way that you're cause . So let's first , she shared her photo deck with us when we had our first .
We started these like every other Monday creative nights , marketing Mondays yes , yeah , and she shared it with us and we and we got to try all the product and see it and I was just so jazzed because the things that she was showing us like in her like slideshow thing , so on brand and like it , just all of us our creative juices were flowing .
Yeah , and I saw that sneak peek behind the scenes video she posted today .
it's fucking amazing yeah , I cannot wait for it to get out to stores and I'm gonna buy the first sweatshirt that hits yeah , and I think that she is .
I don't . I just love that . Someone who just exudes so much passion and light and this brand is so , cause I feel like so many people try to come up with a brand and things like that but it doesn't feel genuine to them , Like they're just trying to but she's like no , this is what I want to do . It has such a good message .
Yeah , and just some of the photos that you showed me oh , that's going to be great , they're going to eat it up .
Yeah , photos that you showed me oh , it's gonna be great , they're gonna eat it up . Yeah , I can't wait to see mine . I'm worried . Well , that polaroid shot you sent me . I told you you should wear that look again . Yeah , well , once I have the product , I will . It was cute , yeah , okay , what's your vice ?
um , my vice is , of course , you know , with um adhd , booking um a follow-up appointments are difficult because I don't remember that I need to do them until the medicine's gone . So this week I've been without Adderall and it has been miserable Because I cannot my job .
I sit at a desk and I'm just doing all these things all day , clinical things , and I can't focus . Not a lick . And I haven't had that in a long time . Yeah , and it reminds me of like , how , like I live most of my life without being on medicine and it's been so tough . And then you saw me come home yesterday . How fucking manic was I yeah you were .
I was expecting the same thing today and I was like I got the opposite . So I was like very confused . I was like I thought that's what I get when you're not medicated , but nope , no , because I I just came home exhausted .
Yeah , well , your advice ties in quite nicely to mine , which is that , um , I had to be re-diagnosed with ADD ADHD , whatever you want to call it . I like switched doctors and the doctor like wanted me to see a psychiatrist and help manage my prescription or whatever . I had to go through this whole process .
It took like weeks and they made me do this test on the computer where , basically , like different shapes and different colors flash on the computer screen and you have to watch this for 20-something minutes and you cannot be medicated for it . So it's like an ADHD person's nightmare .
Hell .
Hades and the shapes weren't even crisp . It really bothered me . I was like if I could see the outline of the shapes better , then I could pay more attention . But the fact that it looked blurry on the screen , I was like , no , I don't want to do this . I don't want to be here .
I'm like so distracted I'm unmedicated for 20 minutes and it was a fucking nightmare . Um , but I passed my test . You failed the test .
I failed the test , yeah , but you passed for 80 , you confirmed . You confirmed ADD .
Confirmed that I hit the mother load actually and that I have ADD , adhd and impulsivity . So I have all three types of ADD basically , and you're gay on top of that . I know that was my advice , that I had to go through my whole re-diagnosis process , and now I know I'm the hat-trick trifecta of ADD .
I will say I do kind of like that . I was stressed for you .
Yeah , I know I was like what if I don't ? What if I don't have it ? What if I pass the test ? Because I'm a people pleaser , I'm going to do really well .
That's what my brain is . It's like is like oh my god , I have to do this . I have to like perform , yeah , but I kind of like that they're doing that because it's so . Like people are like , oh my god , that's just my adhd and I'm like okay , like it is fun in games , like people can get hyper romantic .
But there's such a difference between when I take my meds and when I don't , and I don't like it to be such a funny bit , because then no one takes me as seriously when I mention it . Yeah , when I need like okay , I need decompressed time , I need time away , I need no stimulus .
I need all of these because we have so many which we need to talk about on here , so many different routines and things we go about to keep our brains functioning and not just like flipping a fucking switch , which you're better at than me .
Well , well , I've had more practice . Yeah , a decade more , yeah , exactly that's what I was saying . I didn't need to use the number , but yeah .
Well , they don't know my age . Yeah , they do , they can do those . 1998 was much closer than yours . Yeah , we'll just say that 88 . Oh my , oh , you are full decade .
Yeah , I know , that's what I mean by arithmetic .
Oh , I love that . Yeah , yeah , so we're closing out the show , but we are going to doing something really fun this upcoming weekend . Yeah , let's not tell them .
Okay , yeah , let's wait and we'll drop it in the next episode , but we have something very special planned for the next episode , so look forward to that . Are you nervous ? No , oh , thank goodness . Yeah , no , it's gonna be great . I hope that I impress . We're gonna be on location . I know , yeah , where we'll be .
You'll find out next week when we come back for Unfamously Unwell , and until then we wish you well . Bye , bitches , bye .
Thanks for listening to another episode of Unfamously Unwell , the unrated podcast hosted by your two favorite Seattle homosexuals on a journey to higher health . Listen each week as we deep dive into a new topic and give you all the dirty details of our successes and failures along the way .
You can send us your questions , feedback or share your own victory advice by writing to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom or by clicking the link at the bottom of the description to shoot us a text . We'd love to hear from you and share your stories on the pod .
We'll see you back here next week for another unhinged episode of Unfamously . Unwell Unrated .