¶ Witchcraft Spells and Job Success
Welcome back everyone to Unfamously Unwell , the podcast hosted by your two favorite Seattle homosexuals on a journey to higher health . I love that opening .
You're so energetic .
It's probably because the Snuggie that you're wearing yeah , I know the Mountain Dew Snuggie . You're drinking a Mountain Dew and I'm wearing a Mountain Dew Snuggie .
It's the best gift you've ever given me , although you did just give me a gift the other day . What was ?
it's the best gift you ever ever given me , although you did just give me a gift the other day . What was it ? I give you good shit all the time .
I can't name one thing , but I know I do mostly because you just got your job , but we're gonna get into that later . Yeah , but no , you did give me something . Oh , you bought me a little package home the other day and I let the candle had crystals in it , oh yeah , were they real crystals or were they like wax crystals ?
I haven't gotten to it yet .
Oh , okay , oh , that's like a touch them , they stick out .
Yeah , let me know , so I could touch them .
Yeah , I also have that's like my fourth candle that has crystals in it .
Okay , I have crystals on my counter next to my candles , but none with crystals in it . You'll start healing .
I think I'm very confident .
Well , you are the expert in witchcraft , so what is it supposed to do ?
I think . Do you think it's similar to like recharging them like in the moon ? If they're just sitting there , why are you ?
asking me You're the expert in witchcraft .
I did one spell Caleb .
I did one spell , caleb , you got me my job .
That's very fair . That's very fair , which we do have to get into that at some point .
Yeah , Caleb was dabbling in witchcraft while I was unemployed . And what was the spell ?
Okay , so I remember doing this . You need to have two candles . I think , one was red and one was green . Yes , and one of them . You had to draw arrows in facing towards the wick . And the other one , you had to inscribe the name of the job that you wanted , yes , or your employer , yeah .
But you also told me that like it had to be , like last case resort , yeah , because you put it off for like a month , I think . I mean , I offered it .
And you were like no , there's still a couple jobs .
And then you were like , can I I wanted to like , know , until I was narrowed down to the like , the only one that I really wanted , and then do the spell .
Yes , so then we're setting it up . You are using a needle to carve into the candle . I set up the alt cloth in your bathroom . I put all the different crystals on each side , like Northeast , southwest . Um , we get a bowl of milk . Oh yeah , we had to make an offering .
Yes , so we got a bowl of milk that you put outside the front door and then I left you alone and you had to focus , yeah , like , envision yourself , envisioning getting this job . And I didn't think anything of it . That was a Friday night . You woke up on a Saturday After you slept for like a million hours .
You woke up to a voicemail saying you got the job .
Yeah , like on a Saturday , like who does that ? Wild what recruiter calls you on a Saturday . That was wild . It was such a strong spell that the recruiter just like woke up on a Saturday and was like I'm going to call this guy Do you remember like even after I finished setting everything up , I'm like this is going to work . Absolutely , I knew it too .
There was just this blind confidence . I was like wait , this is actually going to work . Yeah , and it did . Yeah , the spell . Yeah , it truly did . Because then , also after you , like no , I have to wait for my background check to come back . So you did it again .
Yes , well , they say you're supposed to keep burning the candles until you have the outcome that you desire . And I got the recruiting call , but then I wanted the salary I wanted and then I wanted my background check to go through .
So I kept burning it until I got all the things and I did , which is probably why I do because not long after you started , or before you even started , you got a call and you got a raise .
Oh , yeah , like before , like either you just started , or you hadn't even started yet .
I hadn't even started yet . My witchcraft spells are so powerful . There's like aftershocks of magic and then you told me that I need to be responsible with Ritzcraft .
Otherwise you could take over the world .
Yeah , but that's a lot of effort , yeah .
And a lot of commitment , but that's dabbling for you it's like oops , I blew up the world Oopsies , yeah .
Y'all want to get some wine later . The world's dead , but Well , I have plenty . So this is . I'm glad we started out talking about this , because I want people to join my coven .
Okay , but I thought you were just dabbling . Now you're a full on like coven leader , yeah , yeah .
Well , because the leader never does that much work . Okay , but I want to get like the benefits of the power .
Is it like a sex cult , or oh no , okay , what's going to happen in this cult ? In this cult , you ?
know what .
What are the tenets and beliefs of your cult ?
Because I only want revenge twinks in this cult . Demon twinks , demon twinks , yeah , yeah . Who can rage until 6 am and then wake up and go to their corporate job at 9 am ? Okay , those are the ones that will get the most done . Can you do that ?
still , I , I think you can , I think you did when your friend Clay was here last week . Oh , yeah , every day , yeah , every day .
And then that Sunday I slept for 15 hours Correct Because my poor body , Because we didn't go to bed until 5 am . That first night he was here .
Yeah , and then I flew out to New York for work and , speaking of Demon Twinks , my boss and I went to um moulin rouge , the musical , and there was this little like demon twink on stage just causing all this mischief you loved him .
So I turned to my boss and I was like of course there's like a demon twink causing mischief at moulin rouge and , um , he could not stop laughing and you loved that little twink , didn't you ?
yeah , a little bit .
The thing about you , kyle , is either like a I love a short king , you do , or a really tall .
Actually , you kind of love anything and everything Because you're like is that a ? Really hot twink . No , that's a lesbian . Or you're into like a muscle , not daddy , but like a muscle , thick-thighed , juicy man .
Or Talking about anyone in particular ? No , no .
So , yeah , you're kind of all over the spectrum , but demon twinks I could see you really having a thing for . Yeah , especially they have to be short .
You know , like some people like bad boys , I like demon twinks Cast a spell on me , but they're not bad like they're like low-key evil . And that's why you like it yeah .
Because it's different than being like a bad boy , correct ? Oh , you're in a red light , oh well . Well , this demon twink just cast a spell on your entire family . Yeah , exactly , okay . Anything else you want to share about your job ? Oh , I remember what else you got me the Juicy Couture bag .
Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , that was from , yeah , New York Market Week . One of my suppliers is they wrap Juicy Couture .
Shut the fuck up . Oh my God , I need anything and everything to get your hands on .
They have like little doggy , like chew toys and stuff that are so cute , I'll take them . Oh , one of my vendors reps Paris Hilton . She has a line of like homeware .
Oh , I've seen this Like bedding and stuff .
I've seen this . It's kind of hideous but also kind of amazing , like diamond pillows , kyle wait , do you know ?
And like big throw pillows that say that's so hot You're buying your home , right ? Imagine if they brought back like 90s comforter sets Like the moon , the like starry . That would pop the fuck off for college people going into dorms this fall .
What Did you ? Is that what you brought to college ?
No , but like Moon sheets no , but . That's for like children , I know that , but like people would eat that up . It's the same era as like purple inflatable furniture . That's 100% what's hot right now and it will be .
Mark my words . Okay , mark Will be Mark my words . Okay , mark my words . You were right about legs .
Legs are back . Legs are in Surprise .
Mine was talking about being in the bathtub and taking photos of your legs , but semi-adjacent yeah but literally Caleb , the day before I start my job , just randomly turns to me and goes I think legs are going to be really in this season . I thought he was fucking crazy .
Then I go to my first meeting at my first day at work and the like VP who's at this meeting goes . I think legs are really back this season . I was like I don't even know what that means . What do you mean ? Legs are back . They've always been there , not Susie Toots moms .
Well , apparently she meant like leggings , tights , you know , I don't know thigh high boots , what'd you say oh , oh , my god , a thigh high boot .
God , that's so back anyways ,
¶ Season 2 Reflections and Future Hopes
that's tangent .
Yeah , what's our topic gonna be this ?
week . So , reflecting back on last season thoughts , what come to mind ? Did you hate it was the worst experience of your life did ? Did you love it ? Do you feel indifferent about it ? Do you wish you were doing this by yourself or with someone else , like what's the tea ?
I feel like it's a great like time capsule of like a moment in time of everything that was going on last year the crazy shenanigans that we got into , my fun employment . It's just like a crazy , you know , transitional year . It kind of all wrapped up into a couple of fun episodes . Okay , what ? What's your recap ?
I reflection where we started you know , even back when we were , there was three of us to where we ended season two very different . I had no . I like I would not have even guessed that would it would have gone there . Um , I told you this earlier , I think it was in january .
I woke up one day and I was like last season all it sounded like on the podcast was I hated my job and I went through a breakup . That was my identity and so , yeah , it was a good time capsule . I think it it was good to reflect back of not letting those things be my identity .
I had a larger thought but I couldn't put into words what do you think that this season's gonna like ?
how are you gonna differentiate it from this season ?
season three I think , although I still come home from work some days just in the weeds burnout , not feeling it , it happens less frequently . And so I think I'm learning I'm not there yet Learning how to separate things and not let things that are tough in my life just boil over and kind of run into every aspect .
So I feel like I'm learning how to keep that at work and be able to hopefully show up better this season . Maybe we'll see . I think I will feel lighter throughout the season . I'll say that .
Okay .
That's my two cents .
If you felt like Caleb felt heavy in the last season and needed to lose a couple pounds , send us a message on Instagram , or if I needed , to lose a couple pounds .
Send us a message on Instagram , or if I needed to lose a podcast mate , actually no because we wouldn't be sitting here .
Okay , so what I actually wanted to talk about today was a couple weeks ago , it was your birthday , and so we celebrated
¶ The Portland Birthday Trip Disaster
, caleb . We went to Portland , we took the train down . And one I wanted to just like share some stories from that weekend , um , cause they're hilarious . And two just wanted to like ask you some questions to reflect on . You know what it feels like to be a year older . Okay , okay , hit me , okay .
Well , first of all , story one we get on the train to Portland and your friend shows up with a medical wrist bracelet on .
His hospital bracelet .
Yeah , he's fresh out of the hospital and he what got alcohol poisoning the night before .
No , he thought he was having a heart attack because he had radiating arm pain and chest and back pain .
He thought he was having a heart attack . Yeah , okay , that's not what I told . Everyone else that I told the story to , I said that he had alcohol poisoning .
No , you're thinking of the other hospitalization that I took him to the ER for . Oh yeah , but he had E coli then .
Still not alcohol poisoning .
No , okay .
Well , everyone else that I told the story to . The story goes like this he shows up with his medical hospital bracelet and , from having alcohol poisoning the night before , and then proceeds to open up a fifth of Tito's vodka and drink it directly with no mixer .
And then the guard comes over and is like um sir , sir , with your medical bracelet on , you cannot drink alcohol of your own on the train , and he had to put it away .
So it started off really well yeah , and see , there's parts of the story that I'm like . Oh , like that's just their personality , but it is wild to a lot of people , yeah and then so we take the train down , the same guard is sitting across from a different guard on the train next to us while we're playing cards . I forgot about this .
We're going to get off . The big burly like the rock , comes up to me and he's like hey , my friend would kill me for doing this , but he thinks you're really cute . Can I get your number for him ? And I don't remember what this little boy looks like , so , like sure , I'll give him my Instagram . Uh-huh .
So give him my Instagram . I don't really use my phone very often , but here's my instagram what's a phone you just give ? Him the , the um . I'm famously unwell instagram . Oh , I did write down both . Oh , you did . No , I didn't . I lied , I wanted to like show up for you just now .
But I wasn't , I was like , but anyway . So then I'm like , can't remember what he looks like , he messages me .
Oh , I feel so bad , I'm an asshole , I open it uh-huh immediately unfollow but then okay , everyone else you can block in on this ?
Well , because he's private and I'm not private , nevermind , okay , but chime in on this . He has , wasn't it like almost 4,000 posts .
Oh my God , Do you remember that he had like 4,000 posts With like 200 followers ?
I'm like what is this ?
4,000 posts and it's like names and like random ass things like it's his like words , like words of affirmation or like weird little yeah sayings or something I don't know which could be cut .
But it wasn't . No , that was a demon , twink , I think . I think it was a born again demon . Yeah , trying to get right with the lord . Yeah short little ginger demon twink re-baptized , so there's two stories in one . That was just the train ride down . That was just the train ride down .
So I should start by saying that on the train ride down I had a back spasm or something and I was walking with a cane like a walking stick , like a hiking pole , because I could not stand upright , like I was not homo erectus . I was Neanderthal , like not hunchback , but like I had D .
I had D evolved . Yeah , those knees are kind of buckling .
Yeah , it's like I either have a crick in my neck or I tweak my back or something's going on . How did you tweak your back for this ? How did I do that ?
It made you and Lindsay went out .
Oh , yeah , um , right after my back recovered from , like the last time , we , yeah , go out and see a nineties 2000 cover band and , um , I was lifting up Caleb and our friend Lindsay on the dance floor and did it a couple , two times too many Throughout his back , yeah , throughout my back , in the morning , just could not get out of bed , could not move .
Yeah , and you took that walking stick everywhere , girl .
Yeah , all over Portland .
People thought that I was blind . Which very friendly people in Portland If you're a blind listener move to Portland . Everyone was asking me if I needed assistance , if they could help , if they could open doors for me , if I needed help getting on or off the train . It was great .
I also had dark glasses on , so I think people really thought that I was blind .
And so , yeah , the first night we stay in . It wasn't that wild , but all I wanted to do was watch Coyote Ugly . So after everyone went to bed , that's exactly what I did .
Well , one of your friends who I have hooked up with before was there and I , like that night , set the intention that I would not be hooking up with him that weekend because I had a cold and my back was broken .
So that's just a foreshadowing for a story that's later to come . And not only that . I think I reached out to his publicist and let her know hey , my client's not really looking to fool around this weekend .
Just so you know , because you got my back .
Yes , but I was well the broken back . Someone had to , so the first night it wasn't that wild .
Then we so . So the first night it wasn't that wild we . Then we go to bed . The next day , yeah , we go to brunch and I fucked up the uber and I , instead of calling a uber xl , we called a regular uber , and so we all didn't fit . So caleb and I went on our own to brunch and three other people got into their own uber .
When they showed up they were like pale as a ghost and we were like what happened on your Uber five minutes behind ours , and they were like it was so hot . So , hot and muggy in that Uber and he was like swerving around and we just got so carsick and they walk to sit down and I could tell they're not going to make it , None of them .
They ordered soda waters or sprites to help with their stomach and our friend Lindsay made it halfway through and then had to Uber home and then proceeded to call all of us because she's feeling queasy and sick and she needs to throw up . Your friend with the medical bracelet on is supposed to be home but is not home .
He went to go hook up with someone . They came back and the smart lock was dead .
The batteries ran out on the smart lock , so she's locked out of the house . Throwing up , throwing up over the balcony of the airbnb yeah , it's not even noon , not even noon no and so everyone .
Then we just kind of go around like shopping and stuff .
Oh , no , no , no , we also go to mcminniman's yeah , tell them about the mcminniman's passport oh god , I feel like um , you know , most of our listeners are in the seattle area , so they need to know about this . Oh my god , you are .
Yes , I am , which I need to go to more I kind of put my passport away , so anyway . So mcminnumens is this restaurant , experience , hotel , bar chain of things . It's in the pacific northwest only and they have all locations like the ones we went to .
Like there's hundreds , right , I would say maybe a hundred or less , well , depending , because there's like some , like individual bars , but like the one we went to in Bothell was an old school that they converted to a hotel , and then all these little bars around it are all themed differently . They have concert venues . We went to a movie at one .
Movie theater Hotel .
They're all themed so differently and each place you go they have a passport and each place has a page . So the one in Bothell is Anderson School , so there's multiple selections for all the locations at that one Bothell location and you get stamps in your passport if you go to all of them .
But some of them you have to order a special drink , some of them you have to do a riddle , you have to do a picture , you have to do something to get the stamp and if you get all the stamps at one location you get a prize .
But if you go to every single little mcminniamins , all your stamps are , all your passport pages are stamped , you can turn it in and you get invited to the Cosmic Tripster event where only people who have completed a passport get to go to this event . This is my new identity . Best thing that vampire ever brought into my life was McMinimins .
He's the one who told me about it . Oh , okay , didn't even suck my blood , but at least I got McMinimins and it was amazing and the food not bad .
So we went to three down there , we went to three different McMenamins in Portland in one day .
Yeah , because during the day we went from one to another one . That's where we met the lovely lady and we were playing checkers . We went to brunch at one , that wasn't one . We go to a place , another place to get a drink .
And then we went to another drink .
Yeah , and that's where we got the tots .
Yeah , the place to get a drink .
And then we went to another drink , and that's where we got the tots . Yeah , the tots are good . And then after that , I think we Cajun season tots , I think . We went to the underwear store where you got your shirt , and then we went back and got ready . And then we went to a McMenamin's that night dressed as Hooter Girls , correct , yeah .
So that was the day activities .
And then we get into the evening and then we get into the evening , yeah , which I didn't think I was going to make it with my broken back .
But I got a second wind .
My back was feeling a little bit better , my cold was feeling a little bit better , but I was still walking around with my cane or my walking stick .
Yeah , so we go to this McMinimins Again . People are trashed already . It is 7 or 8 pm , uh-huh . One of our friends literally just sits down , goes to order a drink and the waitress was like I don't feel comfortable serving you .
Just like walks in . Where had you guys been At another ?
bar we had walked from . Oh yeah , something like that .
Yeah , I think I was following because y'all went to go get us a seat or something we didn't know how busy and then I was bringing them behind no , I sat there by myself for like 20 minutes because you guys said that you were going there and I had to like wait oh , because then we stopped at the bar that lindsey wanted to remember before um , and then I
got there and then I was like where are you guys ?
and you and you're like wow , this drink's really good .
It's gone . We had left you sitting there for a long time , but anyway . So not only did she get cut off , she goes to laugh , hits her fucking eye on the corner of a chair , busts open her eye this is also remember Drunk , cut off and has a black eye .
And then you're at the bar with our other friend that you have hooked up with in the past and all he's in his defense , all he's doing is doing a check-in with you . Yeah , but it was like , oh , are you okay ? And then you came over to our table and you were like on a scale of not okay to fucking amazing , no , I'm not okay or something like .
That is what you said I'm like kind of in the middle , no , but the way you were dramatic to me and lindsey .
Yeah , because he kept asking me over and over again are you okay , Are you okay , Are you okay ? And I'm like I'm not going to be okay if you keep asking me . I'm fine and I'm looking forward to having fun . I'm just sitting here at the bar eating my tater tots .
So on a scale of absolutely terrible to incredibly amazing , I'd say I'm kind of in the middle , sitting there at the bar by yourself . It seems like you're kind of upset .
I'm like oh my God , so you do storm away from over there and you come to this table , you stay here .
Meanwhile , my other friend , the alcohol poisoning one , is in my ear telling me that he might be getting a divorce after they just got married and I was just like like a month ago that's when I think I finally looked at you and I was like everyone needs to shut the fuck up . Everyone is main character and I'm pissed off .
I was so irritable literally because someone's at the bar sharing so much emotion . Someone's next to me telling me about a divorce . She's getting cut off , hitting her eye open , and this is still dinner .
Uh huh , and you're like , when is it my turn ? Yeah , and anytime . Anytime you tried to talk someone , it would interrupt you .
What do you want to do ? I would go to say something . No , but fell on deaf ears .
So I think after that do we go to a couple of you kept asking like insightful questions that you wanted to , like you know , start conversation with , and they wouldn't go anywhere . No , and so you were kind of getting pissed . Oh , I was livid , yeah , but I also .
My toxic trait is I am livid , but in my brain I'm like no , I should just be thankful that they even showed up . No , no , no Anyway . So I think we go to the bars after that , and that's where the fun gets even less .
I had a great time .
Yes , you did yeah , and I love that and I will get to you .
It's not your night , yeah well , I could sense all this drama and , you know , someone in the group was pissing me off , so I just went off on my own and just his walking stick and his walking stick , yeah , people kept coming up to me on the dance floor and asking me if I was blind and I'd say like 50-50 . I was either yes or no .
Yeah , which it worked Absolutely . Someone came up to me and they were like really muscly and they thought I was blind and started dancing with me . So I just started like touching all over his body and I was like I'm blind . So you know , I need to feel how attractive you are . How many inches , sir ?
please let me see get out your willy , which so I feel like we were there forever , but also nothing happened . At the same time , I feel like all I kept trying to do is calm multiple people down , because there were just emotions . And then I convinced them to come out to the dance floor and then one of them would storm off . I'm like okay .
And I was like let's go home , we're going to go home . Great idea , Because muscle man doesn't go home alone , he comes back to our home .
Well , to my defense , we all called an Uber . I called an Uber for you and everyone else . We're waiting outside and I get a message on Instagram from Muscle Boy and he says that he's in the parking lot across the street and that I should come meet him . And you turn to me and say what's the license plate lot across the street ?
And that I should come meet him and you turn to me and say what's the license plate number on the Uber , we'll get in the Uber , you should go meet up with him . And I didn't know what was going on but I was like , okay , sure , sounds good .
You guys got in the Uber and I went up and met with muscle boy and um , but then he ended up just driving me back to our airbnb and so what happened ?
did you text me or did you let me know ? Because I I knew that you , because we had an interaction , I was like , yeah , you can hook up in my room .
Yeah , you were . When we got home you were on the couch like oh , on instagram or or whatever okay , and , and you're like you should just go into my room and hook up With the teepee .
Yeah , and then as soon as that happened , I knew that I so . Then I go into the other group's room to try to make sure there's no crossover so you could be protected with your peace and your muscles and no eyesight Correct . And Lord , why did I go in that room ? Oh what happened and again I enjoy these people .
What the fuck was that I do , but at the same time , they piss me off this whole trip , but I do enjoy them .
So I don't want to be that hateful , but I'm in there , there's tears flowing and I'm trying to comfort One of them is belligerently drunk . One of them is also
¶ Turning 27: Finding Home and Direction
belligerently drunk . One of them is also belligerently drunk , sharing every emotion under the fucking sun , crying . I'm like semi-sober , sitting here on the night of my birth trip and I'm like the best . No , because he wouldn't let me touch him . I was like oh , I'm so sober , Don't touch me . I don't like to be touched .
And then the other one would be like you know , like this is really big for him . He never shares emotions like this with anyone .
I don't want to be big .
I don't want to be big the best thing of the trip is that you got to hook up in there , yeah , in the teepee room . So I think on the train ride the next day I'm pretty sure everyone didn't speak , yeah and there was a two hour delay the train was delayed for two hours .
we had to sit in the Portland train station for two hours just waiting . We were all just sitting on the floor , yeah .
Anyways , what a great birthday it was because I did do my birth week of self-care activities . I got Botox for the first time , yep Massage for the first time , pedicure , pedicure . I took off an entire week of my birthday , didn't and stayed here , the week before portland best idea I've ever had .
Yeah , and you were still not employed then , so it was lovely .
Yeah , I got to do everything yeah I yeah , I took you to get botox for the first time . I took you to red robin for the first time oh yeah , we did do that , didn't we whiskey river chicken wrap . Oh , man I got an avocado salad Avocado . Oh , is that what it's called ? Yeah , that's clever , I know .
Okay , that's about all my birthday trip .
Well , what does it feel like to be 27, ? Right ?
Yeah , oh God , I've gone through it . I've come to you about like oh , this is how I feel about being 27, . At least three or four times since .
Yeah , kind of all over the place . It is Keep track .
Because I think that this year I've had , I think I've reflected the most you know back on my life that I have in a long time , because literally my life was so fast paced , like high school , then you go to college , which is always chaotic , then I became a nurse sooner than the pandemic happened , so it was like an auto drive just crazy life .
And then I moved to Cleveland , ohio , with a man who started travel nursing move here as a travel nurse I'm traveling all the time and I think this past year was like the first year . That was like settled and trying to create home , but then I also had no aspects of home . And so it just really hit me really hard .
So I think reflecting for 27 is my goal , and intention is to find that home and like in that community , whether it be here or moving or something like that . I think that that's my intention .
My goal is to make long-term , solidified , great connections with people and a lot of grounding , whether it be in the activities I'm doing , less chaotic , less unwell , because , fuck , last year I showed somebody .
Don't give up on that that's the entertainment that's our viewership , hi so , yeah , that's my .
I think that's my goal and intention . I think it sums up a lot of all the emotions I've shared with you .
Yeah yeah , it seems like you're . I like I remember being 27 and I feel like up to you know a certain everything is planned out for you . You go to college , you get your degree , you start a job and it almost is like autopilot . You don't have to make any decisions .
But then you get to this point in your life and you get to start deciding what your future is going to look like outside of all of that , and there's no roadmap for it . It can be really stressful if you are struggling to figure out what your community is or what you want your future to look like , and so it's important to take time and really figure out .
What do I want my next year to look like ? What do I want five years from now to look like ? What do I want future Caleb to thank me for later ?
You know , lack of wrinkles . Yeah , exactly , yeah . Yeah , that's really true , and I think that's a better way of summer . Summarizing what I said , like feeling like I'm just going , going , going until this is the first year . I felt like I get to decide and set the intention of what's going to happen .
Yeah , but you can like either choose to like set down roots and solidify the relationship that you do have or you know , I don't know get a little more settled in where you are now . Or you can like choose to like blow it up and move on and do something new , and do you feel like you're being drawn to like one way or another ?
Instinctually , yes , but that's I'm having a lot of internal conflicts about it , cause I've come to you multiple times . I'm like I just need to move , I just want to uproot my life .
And then , what is the instinctual part that the move .
Oh , okay , which , and so , and then I think the way the reason there's so much internal conflict is because I'm like , with all this weight of like , oh , I need to know and plan ahead for my future and like , make intentional decisions .
Now that's like arguing with the instinct because it's like , okay , well , you need to think of like do you want to go back to school ? Where's the best pricing for that ? Do you , what do you want to do for job ? Where do you even want to move ? Like all these things .
But I've never made a decision based solely on a logic and I feel like , since I'm no longer in the autopilot , I've almost feel the pressure to make a logical decision , but it doesn't feel correct . And so , like you know , I moved to Seattle , never had lived here .
I'm like , in my gut that felt right , and so I think I'm just trying to give myself grace of like I will know when I know , and trying to like , yeah , think , overthink . It only makes like the in-between worse .
Yeah Well , it's hard to see the forest through the trees , it's what they say . So I think your gut hasn't really led you astray , you know thus far , and so I would just lean into that , yeah , healthy choices for 2025 .
Yeah , for 2025 , what's your goal ? Are you going to go ? Are you going to start working out ? I saw your stretching mat out .
Yeah , um , I did a three day juice cleanse cleanse , oh my god all I drank was juice . For three days I I came home from the holidays with my parents juicer and a thrown out back , correct , yep ? So after caleb's birthday I juiced , was it after it was ?
before because remember we went out , I think for tristan's birthday thing . We went out with Nick and her and that woman said I remember when I had an eating disorder because you were on a juice cleanse .
Because I was on a juice cleanse , I did have a mocktail and you had some sips of wine . Yeah .
So , but I don't know , you literally go to a Mexican restaurant and you didn't . Well , you did have a chip .
No , um , I think I tasted the salsa yeah .
Yeah .
And I had a , I had a couple um zero Coronas or whatever .
You were so strong Like NA .
Coronas , they were really good .
You were so strong for that Cause , like they Tristan and Nick were both like come on , you should eat . I'm like leave him alone .
He eat . I'm like , leave him alone . He doesn't want to . Yeah , it actually wasn't that hard for three days . You can do anything for three days , god , to have your will . Put me in prison , beat me , I'm damn okay , put me in the bottom of a hole .
Is that kind of what the juice cleanse felt like being in prison at the bottom of a hole ?
well that .
But you have the most energy . You've had a lot of tv video games , distracting myself from food because you're also still unemployed , correct , yeah , and you don't even have food to look forward to .
No but I did love my juice I really did . Every day I wake up and I was like , wow , I get to eat , like drink this celery juice , and it's so good , and now you haven't stopped doing it , I know , but I have started eating .
Yeah , I know but you still you haven't stopped ju it . I know , but I have started eating , yeah , I know , but you haven't stopped juicing . Like every once in a while , like probably , like every like 10 days or so . You're like time to juice .
Because I make like 10 , you know , at a time . So I have like one every morning now . But when I was doing my three-day juice cleanse , I had like a celery juice in the morning , a carrot juice in the afternoon .
With the ginger , it was good yeah .
And then I did like a beet juice one , a green juice one , anyways , and probably like a lemon ginger something .
So the people want to know what was your stool like during this cleanse . I don't think I pooped . Well , you do take all the fiber out . Yeah , there's not a lot of pooping going on .
Did you piss ?
a lot .
Was it a different color ?
did it smell differently ? No , actually going to mount duge's cleanse yeah , but I did lose five pounds .
You did . That wasn't like the the goal , but I did really feel like my face like really slimmed out . And we also did dry january , that too I think think that helped .
Wow , You're really starting off this year . You got a new job , bought a Gucci necklace , did dry . January went on a juice cleanse .
Yeah , I did dry January until like the 28th or something . But then I had that baby shower in Santa Barbara and I had a beer and I went to a movie premiere for the movie Companion with Dennis Quaid's son . What's his name ? Jack Jack Quaid . Yeah , I had a big crush on Dennis Quaid growing up because he was in Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan .
But , yeah , I had a healthy start , but then I threw out my back , and so now I need to get back on the workout train , or at least let's go on walks or something , especially with the weather , because it's getting nice out , yeah , yeah .
But see , I don't want to walk on the street , I want to . There's so many different little lake beach front areas we should just go walk at .
I agree . Should we get a dog too ?
Oh , absolutely not , we could go walk the dog , you don't want to take the one that we already have ? No , no , we can get a little like a little chihuahua or one of those like toy dogs .
You just taking it to work would be so kind , yeah , especially if it was like mentally disabled and it had you know tongue stick out like a senior dog . Yeah , and maybe like couldn't move its hind legs but then it had like wheels . I would love that .
Kyle , that's so your identity . I know you would mother that to fucking health . Yeah , by the time you're done with it . It's walking , it's running absolutely . The wheels just break off , it's like Forrest Gump . It's like Forrest Gump , when he's running you're like that's my baby . Yeah , go , yeah , go , baby , yeah . And then he gets in my car .
I'm like all right . Well , on to the next one .
I can't fix them all . I guess I'll get a boyfriend now .
That was funny , that was good .
Okay , are we done talking about healthy , because I do want to talk about something before we get into victory advice .
Yeah .
Okay , this feels very full circle . Ariana grande released her album last year . That people there was mixed reviews about kyle and I were fans . We were going through a breakup , though , but we ate it up . A year later , she's released the deluxe . It is phenomenal , and I haven't been this jazzed about an album . How many new songs are there ?
Five , because you said four and I was like , no there's . Because there's four memories , I was like , oh , there is a fifth one , or maybe there's six , because the interlude he's talking about the music video oh my god , it's a short film . 26 minutes , yeah , and it's phenomenal , but the songs .
I haven't been this excited about a cohesive entire album in a long time . Like jess glenn , you know her very first album love all of it damon lovato , tell me you love me . Era dangerous woman . Like where you love every song on there . But this shows a different side of our underground day .
That she's so musically creative , storytelling , acting and it's like gets a point across without coming across as hateful , like cause you know she previously had a song is like I would love to see me from your point of view , and in this song she was like I'd much rather die . I'd rather be seen alive than die in your point of view , or something like that .
So like being yourself , like you know , because she broke up with that man to get with this other man . Yeah , it ruined my reputation , people were talking shit , but I'd much rather live my life authentically than to stay in that box . Just so beautifully written love her . You're not as jazzed about it . I haven't listened to it yet , pardon me .
Doesn't think she's going to get a Grammy for it .
No . Okay , then you want to talk about your queens she didn't get a Grammy for the original , she's not going to get a Grammy for the extended version . I don't know . These songs are pretty good .
No , you know what she could get . Isn't it an Emmy for , like the music video ? What is that Emmy ? I don't think if it's on YouTube you can get a word for it .
Oh no , it has to be on like primetime to get an Emmy . That is primetimed Nope .
Okay , we'll talk about your queen releasing her album . Gaga Slay Abba , Kadabba Boots , House Down Slay Queen , Queen , Queen , Queen , Queen , Queen . Tickets go on presale tomorrow , right .
Queen , queen , queen , queen , cut , cut the tickets go on presale tomorrow , right , no Tuesday , the day after tomorrow .
And our fake ass fucking friends .
What .
They got tickets because they know someone who works there . You're in the group chat , so they did . Yeah , works where At Climate Pledge ?
Did we get any tickets ?
No no . That's fucked up and after we were like oh , we have verizon , we will try to get y'all some we have verizon too no , we have verizon , you and I , they don't .
So we were like oh , we have and they didn't say like , oh , can I get four ?
no , they got four , but none for us . You're not . You're literally in the chat . It's on instagram , is that how ?
low tier . We are with them , yeah , and then , immediately after , invite us to his birthday I'm not going .
The goodie bag better be a Gaga ticket . Yeah , no , yeah , because he said they already got tickets , because , remember , he posted is going to Lady Gaga on Facebook and I said someone's a little confident . They're like oh , lol , we actually already did get tickets and I said you're joking , no .
But then he says yes , we're going to try to attend the other pre-sales and try to buy whatever we can to help friends , so not even just us . Yeah , fake , we're going to get in the ga pit and I'm going to elbow my way in front of them . Her album is insane . I cannot wait to see her . And , um , my favorite song is how bad do you want me ?
I play it every morning . I'm sorry if you're sick of it and you keep listening to do what you want with my body .
Play it every morning . I'm sorry if you're sick of it and you keep listening to Do what you Want With my Body too . I heard you listening to it the other morning . Oh , kyle is a liar here , go ahead .
Oh , it came on shuffle oh .
I thought you were intentionally doing it , Because to me they coincide .
They do a little bit .
Yeah .
But she's just giving this dark pop era vibe that like everyone all of her , like OG fans have been waiting for . And it's kind of like you know , the album's called mayhem and I feel like it takes you on this like mayhem ask journey where you never really know what kind of song is going to come next , cause there's you end up with die with a smile .
Yeah , there's like a bunch of different genres in there , but also a lot of um , just like pop bangers and like clever lyrics and just like great bops left and right so I saw that's like was her intention .
Whenever she did press about it she was like it's controlled chaos .
But mostly chaos , but there's a vision genius . Okay , let's get into victory and vice . Okay , you go first .
Great . I think I want to start with my victory . It's a cold day in hell , because I finally went to the dentist .
Oh my god , you finally did it . This has been like months and months and months of me trying to get you to go . How did it go ?
Again whenever you're in the thick of life . It wasn't bringing me joy . I wasn't able to think about future , caleb , so I finally made the remember . I was sitting down at the table that night . I was like exploring all my health benefits and I booked that appointment . I booked therapy , everything . It was so easy .
Yeah .
So I went on Thursday , friday , thursday , and I have to get a crown . Apparently they only do porcelain crowns and I don't know what kind of if what dental insurance is good or not . I've dealt to dental .
That's good .
I have to pay $1,200 , after insurance , for this crown on Monday . That's not good , not only that , but the dentist was . She was lovely , she brought me a rose , what and I was like quit farting .
Was it Mother's Day ?
It was white rose . That means friendly right , or is that death ? That's yellow , what's ?
yellow what's ?
white Morning condolences . I think so . Yeah , for my teeth , for my pocketbook . So while they're doing the x-rays , and they put that like lead vest on you and he goes take it off , I was like , can you leave it on ? So , cause it felt like a way to blanket .
I was nervous as fuck .
And then , after what I'm going to like book for my crown , and then I have to book something else , um , to get fixed too , and she was , like
¶ Car Window Woes and Expensive Insurance
you were quite a bit nervous Do you want us to prescribe you a sedative for when you come back ? I was like , say that I've not prescribed that Okay , fine . I took something to calm my nerves before . Yes . And I was still nervous . So apparently this is stronger than Xanax . It's an old-school drug and I'll forget the name of it Propanol .
No , that's a beta blocker .
I don't know , I'm just throwing out words . Oh , halcyon , it's a benzo , halcyon , it's a benzo .
Yeah , so halcyon is the medicine and apparently it treats insomnia . But she said I'll like it because it has an amnesia effect .
So you won't remember .
Correct . Okay , so that's my victory . I finally went to the dentist .
I am spending a lot of money on that and more money to be spent and my vice continue . Oh , my victory . My victory was that I'm not unemployed anymore and I got this job that I've wanted for probably the last decade and I'm very excited about it . And the house is benefiting from it , because I'm getting lots of samples of Mountain Dew Snuggies .
My vice is a little tricky . How do I explain it ?
I love a puzzle .
Yeah , and it's kind of tied to my victory because I'm in this new role back at a company that I used to work for . Um , you know , I left that company to get into the wine business .
Um , I did that wine thing for a couple of years got , became a level two , level two , somalia , and , you know , worked for a master sommelier , ran a French wine import company , and now I'm back . How do I explain it ? I'm following . This inner saboteur is kind of coming out at my new job .
Maybe it's just that I'm a couple weeks in , but even though I'm very qualified and I know that I can do this job , like with my eyes closed , it feels like some voice inside my head is telling me that I don't belong there or I don't deserve to be at this , like you know , higher level , or that I'm .
You know I'm going to make a mistake , or you know , or it's all going to fall out from under me . And so that little voice has been like causing me a lot of stress , but it has gotten quieter over the last couple of weeks , so hopefully it continues to get quieter until it's gone .
What if your sister said all of that about a job ? What would you tell ?
her . I guess I would ask her to give me examples of the kind of work that she's done that has shown , like proved to her , that she's capable of doing the work that she's doing now .
Okay , so give me examples like and crushed it , with my current manager as my boss and now I'm doing his job and he's a level above me , so really it's just like getting back into the same dynamics .
And the one thing that I really enjoy working with with this person and this kind of ties back to our general theme of gay wellness is it is really important for gay people to have mentors that accept them and value them for who they are and the voice that they bring , even if that voice is different than the rest of the company .
And I think he really taught me that , as a gay man himself , that you can be loud and proud as a gay person and you can use , you know gay terminology and you don't have to like fit into the like corporate voice that everyone else uses and you can stand out and still be valued and you don't have to hide who you are .
And that's like a huge part of why I chose to take this job was because I knew I was going back to work with someone that was going to value me and my voice and the way that I present and what I stand for as like a individual and also like what I can bring to the company , and so that's kind of what I am like holding on to , is just like knowing
that this person , really , you know , taught me that I can just be myself and show up and that's enough .
And not just accept you but celebrate you . I'm glad that you shared that , because I think I would not have guessed that , knowing you , that you were feeling that way . Yeah , I'm good at hiding it , correct .
Yeah .
But thank you for sharing that because I also think it brings up a good you know , acknowledges the way people feel , but also brings up a great conversation about like using gay lingo in the professional work setting right , it's not unprofessional right , like I will be .
like . We sold a million dollars in this item Slay and everyone just laughs . But I was afraid to do that for a long time to just be myself . And I don't think that that's fair and it really does keep people back from excelling at their work .
When they show up and they feel like they can't just be themselves , they have to fit in , they have to use , you know , the corporate lingo and I would love to hear from , like any of our listeners who have experienced that before um , or give examples of you know , moments that they've felt that way or moments that they felt like celebrated at work for being
different , because I think the world needs more of it .
You need to work in , live , laugh , love that at work , I use that a lot . Okay , I use work a lot .
Slay At work .
Yeah , but it's like work , like you need to come up with , like a fun , like email sign off , like .
Mine is .
Sesse you slayed or Sesse you slayed S-A-U , slade or S-A-U .
Slade yeah .
Boots comma .
Kyle Webber . I am in the home department , so Slay house down boots . I've been telling everyone that , yeah , love that . Okay , Okay what's your vice of the week ?
Could you believe that my vice again kind of as a consequence of my own action , but I didn't cause it to happen , Okay , so it's a double whammy . I don't want to talk about the one of them that much . So we got into the pickleball league . We lost all the playoffs in the first round , but we dig into next league .
But we were ranked like number three .
Yeah , Okay , yeah , I'm still upset about it . We should have beat them . But we're going to get them . We're going to get them next season . But I parked near the community center , as you would . I got there a little early . There was no spots in the garage . We lose Kyle's like office jobby to my car .
I'm like no , I'm going to walk because I'm kind of pissed that we lost . I get all the way home . Pull in the garage . Look over at my passenger window . Guess what's fucking cracked .
The passenger window .
Yeah .
You didn't really bury the lead on that one . I wasn't trying to .
I was dramatizing it you don't have to guess , you just said it Guess , guess , guess guess . I'm pretty sure that's my third passenger window since I fucking moved here and they never bash it in , thank God . But it looks like someone took the edge or the butt of a fucking flashlight and cracked it twice , or a gun Like the butt of a gun .
Pew pew yeah .
Right , and it's thank God I never got it . If I contended so , then my insurance , which is a whole other story , got dropped .
Tell them how much you pay for insurance . For your car insurance you pay , how much a month .
So when I moved here I paid it was still a lot . But remember I was 24 when I moved here and then all of these things kept happening . I think I paid like $170 a month full coverage when I moved here . Since then my back window's been broken . My passenger window's been broken three times . Someone kicked in my bumper Last month .
I go to get on Farmers to pay my insurance A few days before it's due canceled . My policy didn't tell me . So then I go like fuck , I have to get insurance . I'm like I'm not going back to them . I call all these other insurances . They won't take me because I was uninsured . There's a lapse in insurance by a few days since they dropped me .
So I have to go back to farmers . Not only do they reinstate my policy , they charge me more because they say oh well , the policy that you signed up for in october , you know the the market price adjusted , so now I pay 550550 a month . That's more than my car payment .
And they all remember the fiasco of the fall about car insurance that I went through , so to be reliving it . So now I have to pay for this fucking window out of pocket because I'm not following that on my insurance . I'm half tempted to order the window from Amazon and figure it out myself .
That would be a good little project for you , and I'm it's like one of those approachable , like gently cocky about , like I could do that .
Yeah , you could .
But I don't want to .
You have to take the door apart , though . Ah , what if you lose the ?
screw . Imagine if I lose dopamine . That car's dead to me .
I don't have a door now . I'm just driving without it you don't have to take the inside door . I know you don't have to take the whole door off , but you know me If I lost over me mid doing it .
the panel would sit in the trunk and I would drive it with no panel . Yep .
Yeah , so , yeah , that's my advice . So someone broke your window and you can't use insurance . 550 a month , can you imagine if you made a claim and it goes up to like 600 ?
and it's what even sucks even more is because in seattle I would try to learn public transportation if I had . No , I wouldn't , no , I wouldn't .
I was about to lie , but I was like I would have to drive for work , but like the crazy part is that I've I moved here with a car and I have a car now and I've never had an issue with anyone breaking into my car , damaging my car , anything that has required an insurance claim in 10 years .
You better knock on fucking wood . For the longest time I thought it's because I had my Tennessee license plate . But this is the first incident that has happened since I haven't had my Tennessee .
But then , even when I had my work car , someone busted the first one I had , and then someone sideswiped my mirror on the work car after I had it not even a week .
Yeah , that's wild .
So that's growth . I'm getting in no car accidents this year . That's my healthiest goal is for 2025 .
Great Any other things you want to share ? No , I think it's time to sign off .
Season three bitches . Oh , just we should give a little insight .
We are not releasing weekly oh yeah , we're going to do an every other week format , so stay tuned for two weeks from today and you'll be getting our next episode of Unfamously Unwell . Okay , you'll be getting our next episode of unfamously unwell , okay . So we will see you back here in two weeks in the studio .
Live in the studio with our um snuggies , and you guys should follow us on Instagram at unfamously unwell . If you have stories to share of your own , or victory and vices , then email us at unfamously unwell at gmailcom .
And also any suggestions or any topics you want us to cover .
Absolutely . Yeah , we definitely want to hear from you guys , and until next week , we wish you well
¶ Season 3 Format and Closing Thoughts
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Happy birthday , bitches .
That was cute . Thanks for listening to another episode of Unfamously Unwell , the unrated podcast hosted by your two favorite Seattle homosexuals on a journey to higher health . Listen each week as we deep dive into a new topic and give you all the dirty details of our successes and failures along the way .
You can send us your questions , feedback or share your own victory advice by writing to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom or by clicking the link at the bottom of the description to shoot us a text . We'd love to hear from you and share your stories on the pod .
We'll see you back here next week for another unhinged episode of Unfamously Unwell , unrated .