Al female episode. Channeling other podcasts. Kelley is bad at wires. What does confirmed bachelor mean? Why did television catch on? The Queen’s crown again. Bill’s camping and stinky. First names. Intermission song (I cut this song to two minutes, you’re all welcome.) Strikes work, fight the power, vote in the midterms. Mary was proactive about voting for once. Taking a break from the news. Dick pics. Bathroom emergencies. Golden Girls. Skipping Best Ofs. Girl at bar thinks Kelley’s sad. Herma...
Oct 15, 2018•1 hr 1 min
Mary is in Costa Rica, Mary's fish, IQ test, killing goldfish, bat update, Costa Rica travel tips, Bill's scary neighborhood, raisins vs. quinoa, Sideways update, Halloween updates: parties and masks, we almost lose power, go nuts philosophy, podcast evidence, schooner update, Break 27:47, Best ofs So Far: street, theater, tour, Kelley's Hint List: beet skins, corn on the cob ice pick, we lose Mary, we have to talk forever, apple pie tip, unwrap meat, chimney tree fire, saving antifreeze, Bill b...
Oct 08, 2018•1 hr 6 min
It's our Halloween episode, Bill got a sound board, Mary doesn't like Halloween, yo-yo routine scarecrow, Mary gets a phone call, turds, people not liking you, parties, bobbing for apples, costumes, Blues Brothers, gypsy (roma), wizard, princess, topical costumes, clown, food coloring face, candy, cat costume, pumpkins, we have a breakthrough, contest, Best of So Far, soup, souvenir, statue, Break 50:54, Canadian taste or test: hickory sticks, all dressed chips, taco chips, Puyallup fair, Umpire...
Oct 01, 2018•1 hr 3 min
Why does Bill say the episode number?, poop on Costco, improv, Budweiser margarita commercial, shooting TVs, Bill's Full Metal Jacket edit, Nerf Gun Challenge update, ringing the bar bell, The Wizard by Black Sabbath, army navy store pants, mummies, bringing stuff on planes, Kelley's grocery store old lady bit, good job Storm, SBD/SBV, suicide/graveyard, schooners, creep photographer, only in New York, the Eastside is boring, Redmond Town Center, barefoot in the dressing room, clean streets of S...
Sep 25, 2018•1 hr 6 min
We're doing the candle challenge, we're already distracted, RIP Burt Reynolds, shooting Herman challenge/Donut Challenge, Kid Rock and the Insane Clown Posse, relish update, Amazon worker cages, Vera's email, jars for glasses, country music, Simon update, smoke alarm, Nanette, The Good Place/jabot, pergola, candle update, what did Mary call Bill when he was a baby?, giraffe attack, miso, Vera's second email, BREAK 32:30, Best of So Far: room, ruins, seashore, ship, BREAK 44:32, the donut challen...
Sep 17, 2018•1 hr 1 min
We (well, Kelley) finally did it! It's the first Best Of! Kelley put this together and we sat down to listen to the clips, then talk about the first clip we listened to, then record us talking about that, then immediately record us talking about the second clip, then listen to the 3rd and 4th clips, then talk about them back to back. It was very confusing! But it turned out funny so this is a good episode to tell your friends about. Or your enemies, acquaintances, co-workers, and any individuals...
Sep 10, 2018•1 hr 17 min
Bill and Kelley's intro, Kelley presents our certificates, nicknames, shout out to dinner, ice cream, horses, bad Little Golden Books, bad songs, eye doctor, murdering listeners, starting a cult, getting Mary to assassinate someone, Doug Baldwin, Fill Yer Belly Deli, Break 25:44, Best of So Far: Restaurant -> El Toreador -> eating a rubber band, River -> Columbia, Beckler, Missisip', Road -> winning a cruise -> Ireland, Costa Rica -> Kitchen Dick Road -> Union Hill Road ->...
Sep 03, 2018•1 hr 11 min
Its smoky out, going to the movies, Mary's knee, town names,are knee caps made of cartilage?, opening the car door, smoke advice: A/C, Nosferatu, not knowing names, Beanwater Challenge, email accounts, self-driving cars, jaywalking, Fur Coat Butt update, Beanwater Break, Beanwater 2018, donuts, BREAK, performance, pub, Kelley's Hint List: orange and lemon rinds, car battery, storing canned meats, Umpire Pants Out
Aug 27, 2018•1 hr 10 min
Kelley does the intro, radio voices, Podcast Awards, special back to school episode, eggnog, Bellevue Arts and Crafts Fair crack pipes, peek behind the curtain, two foot yard boob, more Arts and Crafts Fair, ya, tv show podcasts, shoes and feet/relationship advice, Bill is panicking, Politalks, office, elephant and popcorn tricks, Seth Rogan, Kelley's Bill Cosby impression, people Bill has seen live who are dead, Phish Vs The Grateful Dead, BREAK 36:40, Kelley brings us back, Bill is tangled in ...
Aug 20, 2018•1 hr 12 min
Beach day, cool guy in a Trans Am, Narduwar the Human Serviette/eh and you know, the word relationship, "and more", clipping toenails, Murphy bed, ventriloquists, almost accident, John Travolta movies, Danny Trejo, no shoes at Target, fan quarterback, best live webcams: Katmai National Park, Cat's Meow Karaoke, first webcam ever, BREAK 39:33 Best of So Far: moment, motel, mountain, Kelley's Hint List: stair safety, celery tops, scrub oranges or potatoes, hubcap hose, chopped meat spoilage, Umpir...
Aug 13, 2018•1 hr 7 min
We're over halfway to 100 episodes, will we stop at 100 or 1000?, Vera's email -> Kelley's skirt, movies Pants Up or Pants Down, Branden, Canadian snacks, hats, camping, milk, Theano's Dairy, toilet paper review, washing up nuts, truck nuts, the Gong Show, pickle relish, Blind Date, break 35:17, Best of So Far: market, meal, Bill chokes, Kelley's Hint List: you should steal from work, wobbly furniture doors, cup hooks on brooms, how to do laundry/turkish towel, cornice board closet, leftover ...
Aug 06, 2018•1 hr 7 min
Episode 50: If I'm Off the Clock I'm Not Listening to This Shit Golden anniversary, Bill misnumbered the last episode, half normal half hints, will Andrea come on the show?, Mary's surprise topic, famous houses, movies, real life Ignatius Reilly, environmental toilet paper, Scary Pinocchio, My Buddy/Chucky, Canadian Snack or Wack: Old Dutch Popcorn Twists, beer break, Ritzville, dyed ketchup, Prince jabot, Trump, BREAK, Best of So Far: jungle, lake, library, Kelley's Hint List, material cut the ...
Jul 30, 2018•58 min
Kelley is back, Bill told her the wrong episode number, there is some ambient noise, we're starting sloppy again, placebo effect revisited, being hypnotized, fair scones, wedding in Canada, weeding in Canada, apple juice, new listener/drive-ins, camping, firelog, cats, foot, cysts, Seattle public access, BREAK (Bong Hit Championships 97), Kelley's taking Bill's job, housekeeper note, Best of So Far: inn, inscription, island, eggshell color, beet tops, grated orange rind in tea, fresh coffee, pai...
Jul 23, 2018•1 hr 2 min
It's still the 4th of July, Lily joins Mary and Bill, Felix may or may not have a topic, talk radio, umpire pants, we'rre rambling, why we hate the Fourth of July, cats, touch screens, AC/DC, Lily's vacuum cleaner fear, Daniel Tiger, Bill can't remember the name of Minority Report, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, fire hose pants, hosting, fire hydrant/water, Epley maneuver, placebo effect, Break, more placebo effect, Felix's fortune/isn't that fancy?, hello, Cannonball run, grocery store cashier small ...
Jul 16, 2018•1 hr 5 min
We start sloppy, it's the 4th of July, Kelley is in Canada, NPR, one man play, food bitch tease, Vera's wedding, Mary has a hangover, Felix joins in, Alice (which was based on Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore), food bitch -> vegetarian food in Victoria, weird eggs benedict, our path to success with this podcast, Mariners, soccer, NBA, the weather is terrible, dadisms, fireworks, Aunt Mary's birthday, working, 4th of July address, fireworks, Simon update, Lily's towel story, My Best Fiend, favo...
Jul 08, 2018•55 min
We pay off a bit, Skirt challenge, self censoring jokes, Bill's routine, Tim and Peter Gunn, t-skirt challenge, buying the shirts, Prince's hot dog board shorts, giant underwear, the spirit of the contest, jute twine, how the skirts were made, we describe the skirts, mom has little clown legs, Here Come The Judge, a winner is announced, BREAK, Best of So Far: harbor, David Harbor, Elliot Harbor, Vancouver Harbor, Fisherman's Wharf, Old Harbor, Highway, Life, H1, 101, 1, 2, 97, Hotel, Aranuez, La...
Jul 02, 2018•1 hr 8 min
Bill isn't ready, we're not talking about Trump, nutballs, shampoo bar/washing hair, shopping online, last episode, Mary unplugs the board, bamboo toothbrush, spendy, Bill's present, egg recipe, wikifeet, Bill gets hit in the head with a chair, BREAK, Best of So Far: Gallery -> Sea Galley/live episode -> Gallery -> birds walking out -> meeting Big Bird, lost looking for flamenco, barefoot in public, shattering the Ernst record, Golf Course -> guide -> Tahiti fishing -> bird ...
Jun 25, 2018•1 hr 6 min
Mary introduces, podcast clothes, Kelley predicts how the show will go, Mary and Kelley should do an episode, Mad Magazine, super specials are still coming, shampoo bar, Kelley's being bad again, bamboo toothbrushes, t-skirt... ...I lost the rest of the description and I'm not listening to it again, but we talk about songs Mary likes, celebrities that should have died young, quinoa in the luggage, and do the Best of So far and hints. I almost called this "Umpire Pants After Dark" because this wa...
Jun 18, 2018•1 hr 24 min
Lily and I sat down in the basement for a bonus episode where we talk over each other and ramble. I had to use the old mixer so the sound is a little wonky. Driving, singing, Shrek, PE story, going to the dump, targeted adverstising, 9/11, age differences in technology, flying, old man stories, HGH, movies, confusing actors, old man music stories, metal, Umpire Pants Out
Jun 14, 2018•57 min
Kelley introduces, we can get better, Virginia listener, Vera's wedding, notes, weird things that Mary does, Fred Meyer stories -> porn guy -> camel toe lady -> Disney movies -> dog bite -> power hour -> crowns/triple crown, bad products -> Meater -> whisker dam -> grab opener, break, no more Shout out to Dinner, headphones, Best So Far -> drink -> drive -> encounter -> weed, pasta, celebrities in the wild, Kelley's Hint List chimney soot fertilizer -> r...
Jun 11, 2018•1 hr 6 min
42: There's No Stank on John Denver Bill's joke, LAX, potato casserole, garage sales, dog crates, Bill gets a call, Mantan Moreland, Vera update: straws, Shout Out to Dinner: Lasagna -> Press Your Luck-> straws -> printing email -> the Babe Ruth of podcasting, Wayne Newton, white lasagna/lasagna soup, crab things, The Best of Everything So Far: country road, John Denver sucks, donkey roads, road to Duvall, Bill misses Kelley's reminder, thrift store marketing, desert: creme brulee, l...
Jun 04, 2018•1 hr 3 min
Doing characters, being spaced out, bowling alley food, hand sanitizer, old buildings, gross words, impressions, the knife show, katana clip, Mariners, the movie Cocktail, 50's - 90's nostalgia, dirty house tv shows, Kelley's dog leash, driving, how you can tell you're old (glasses), hearing contest, tourism ceremonies, Costa Rica house for sale, favorites: club, country, more Costa Rica house, teasing Shout Out To Dinner, Umpire Pants Out ALTERNATE TITLES: I don't love Raymond's Kitchen, I'll T...
May 28, 2018•1 hr 7 min
Gross ant story, getting rid of leaf cutter ants, torches, stupid invention of the week, fare enforcement/homelessness, sports, Kelley's blazer, old authors, mashed potatoes joke, Vera update, cat update, best of so far, cheeses, church, city, hints, whipped cream, frozen pipes, short dress, 899 are you out of your mind?, toothbrush, cleaning plants, the big 4-0, Umpire Pants Out
May 21, 2018•1 hr 7 min
I didn't listen to this one beforehand but I remember that we did an all hints episode and it was funny. This picture is of an episode of Delocated in which the main character buys a potato skins bar that is very funny.
May 14, 2018•1 hr
I released this one out of order because the sound is pretty bad, but I think it's funny so I didn't want it to go to waste. Mary and Kelley are on Skype, it's hot in Costa Rica, is this recording?, American Movie, this is going to be one of our worst episodes, Zach Braff and Dax Shepard, Podcast Show, nobody is listening, farmhands, McDonalds toys, Play it Again Toys, Three Sweathogs, cat update, tiny houses/house birthday, this is a Thursday episode, mustard plaster, NECCO wafers, Mary doesn't...
May 11, 2018•46 min
This one's coming in hot! We did this today and I already don't remember what we talked about but I think it's funny. We skipped episode 37 because it has sound issues but I'll release that one as a "special".
May 07, 2018•1 hr 2 min
Ants and bats, real estate, A Walk In The Woods, hiking books, Seattle Steam, jellied soups, bad Italian food in Costa Rica, stealing plantains, accidental squid, dick mug, Amazon reviews, Herman's Balls Care, riding the bus, ant update, fruit truck, jabo vestie, Supreme Court duels, fur babies, brain farts, mushroom French Dips, Danielle's favorites, quite a little, 520 toll, listener intros, favorite building, urinating in public, getting pulled over, favorite bartender, hints, fruit and veget...
Apr 30, 2018•1 hr 11 min
Bill doesn't know what episode it is, Mary is in Costa Rica, weed, food, Nepal, podcast clothes, shorts, divorce, stealing credit cards, skort, bats, ice in urinals, London balls, repo men, guns, work lunch, Facebook, alley story, favorite airline, favorite bar, favorite bed, favorite bookstore, hints, lively suds -> the internet -> paties, windshield salt -> living in your car, spices, Umpire Pants Out
Apr 23, 2018•1 hr 4 min
Podcast update, Bill can't be sincere, Mary is a natural podcaster, better sound, bus pass -> steam -> dad's breakfast -> bus pass -> sweatpants guy, The Howells, eggs, public bathrooms, shoe shine, dryer fire, not learning lessons, Mary gets distracted, audio/visual joke, young mom, ice cream, mixing flavors, too much ice cream, get off my lawn, Bill's birthday, cupcakes, donuts, break, best of everything so far, favorite beaches, favorite ceremony, favorite bread -> bagels and p...
Apr 16, 2018•1 hr 14 min
I think this one is worse than the other one, so do not listen. If, against your better judgement, you do decide to listen, keep in mind that I was playing a clip of Mary saying "I think my fart was pretty good" but it wasn't in the recording, so imagine that's what we keep laughing at.
Apr 13, 2018•59 min
