Be the Sacred Observer

Welcome to the mindful musings of two spiritual mamas. We are Alisha
and Shelby. Here to share our 20 years of authentic friendship, life experiences and acquired wisdom. infused with love and intention, our episodes will inspire those who are ready to shift their soul path into alignment with its divine purpose.

We will discuss alternative approaches to life's traditional pathways, leaving you with tools in your spiritual toolbox to navigate everyday moments. Knowing and embodying the empowered self on a daily basis is one of the most valuable practices you can adopt. Understanding that you are surrounded by a network of support, both physically and spiritually will carry you into the next phase of your divine purpose.
You are not alone on this journey. We recognize we're on a spiritual path. navigating our day to day lives and in this podcast will share with you our organic thoughts as we grow and blossom together. 

Welcome to Episode Six with two spiritual mamas. I am Alicia. And I'm Shelby.
And today we're talking about how we can observe our thoughts and our words with discernment.

Yes, discernment is such a wonderful tool to stick in your back pocket. And it's like a filter to run your ideas, thoughts, interactions with people through. So this episode. Oh, we have sponsors. Now Alicia. This episode is sponsored by the throat chakra. So today, we'll get into that a little bit more. But today we are going to chat about reframing our own self talk, noticing and witnessing the way that we talk outwardly to our children, our families, our spouses or partners, even our fellow employees or employers, we're going to share some ideas about how to shift that and find a little bit better alignment, and not be stuck in the negatives. And hopefully to see ourselves on this path of faith and belief versus a darker light of doubt, fear and judgment, which can often dictate us quite strongly.

In this world. Yes, we will definitely go over how to catch yourself. When you're noticing you're coming from that place either fearful or judging yourself or others doubting yourself, this is going to be a good one.

It is. So let's talk about that third chakra. In our systems, we have the chakra system. And this is our fifth chakra, and it's blue. So if you wanted to imagine that, illuminating blue colors right now, as we talked about Carolyn Mays quite a bit she really inspired me quite a few years ago with her book, the anatomy, the spirit, the way that she connected, confession with the throat chakra. Not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but I was raised Catholic. And so this really resonated with me in a level of understanding how to shift that, because confession to me is like getting the guilt off of your of your back, you know, confessing your sins, and then being judged by your sins. And with the chakra systems and my interpretation of it. I had to go to bed at night and confess to myself, did I speak beautiful words today? 

Or would I be I don't know if ashamed is the right word. But would I be disappointed in what I said, even if it was in a private conversation with a friend, you know, because energy has its has its power and its value, this emotional dagger kind of a concept that we'll get into a little bit later. So this idea of the throat chakra and keeping it clear, keeping it healthy. I went through a lot of past life trauma with my throat chakra as well keeping it held back by a color. I think this whole concept that we're going through right now with COVID. And the masking and silencing ourselves is really something to be conscious of at this time too. So speaking with clarity, authenticity, positivity, and faith is where I try to align myself with every day whether I'm talking to my friends, teaching my students Talking to my staff. So owning that and going to bed at night and saying, Yeah, I did. 

I did a good job. And you know what if I had to write out everything I said out loud today, I would be okay, if my grandma saw it. There might be a couple of bombs in there. She's okay with that. She's in heaven anyways. On the other side, and the other side, yes.

And it is such a powerful chakra because our voice can be such a source of empowerment. And, and that's what we want to focus on is how can we empower ourselves? How can we feel that integrity, and use our discernment, and I'm going to bring in the Four Agreements, because if, if our listeners have not read that book, I would highly recommend Don Miguel Ruiz. He wrote The Four Agreements, and many other books that we've used, I honestly will say it's been like my Bible. 

And I was raised in a Christian household. But also, we were very spiritual and multicultural in our viewpoints of philosophy and bringing all of that in. But the first agreement in those four agreements is Be impeccable with your word. And that word impeccable, is challenging to imagine that we could be in this level of perfection. And it really is the most difficult of the Four Agreements to honor. But it's about how significant it is to speak with integrity, and how we can carefully choose our words before we say them out loud.

And if we say them incorrectly, we can reap readjust them, you know, and absolutely.
We actually, my partner and I catch each other in our language, and I know shall be you and I will, will bring it to each other's attention. If I notice some of your language or your words are self deprecating, or I'll say something about, oh, I made my son take out the garbage. And my partner will say, did you make him? Or did you ask him, it's like these little things. And if we change them to a higher vibrational frequency of awareness, then we're going to live with more ease and have more we're going to speak with more clarity and more about what we mean, then this pre programmed way of, of seeing the world that maybe not is not what we how we want to be in the world.

And I love that you brought in the higher vibration, that's actually the definition of discernment. We were just reading it, we did a card draw as we do it before every, every episode. And it was the fifth ray of intellectual knowledge. And it really talked about how discernment is tuning in to the highest frequency that you're on. So if you are tuning into a lower frequency, you're not going to be in alignment with yourself.
I've got a beautiful quote I found on social media, by Miriam hasna. 

She says, I am forgiving myself for those times. I didn't listen to my discernment, because I was afraid I was judging. And this shows the difference between discernment and judgment. And I think exactly what you said shall be that discernment is feeling into is this in alignment. Does this feel like I've had to use discernment in relationships? Is this really in alignment with my vibrational frequencies? This person and alignment are my words and alignment. 

And judgment is a different thing. Judgment is from an outside perspective, looking at yourself choosing whether you're good or bad most of the time, right? So how you would say it?

Well, I actually come from a world where judging is a part of my daily life in gymnastics. So it's, it's not always negative, that's for sure there is a light and a shadow side to all of these archetypal energies.

And you know, even yesterday, my daughter said to me, why do we have to get graded on everything, mom? And I was like, Well, honey, think about why do you get a score on your floor routine? It's so you can become better so you can see where you sit and become better. So there is a place for judgment. But it has to be positive and in a healing way that we're judging each other. i That will be my best definition of how to use judgment positively. Then we all are think are familiar with the negative judgment where we just just disregard ourselves so quickly, you know that I'm going to fail at that. I'm not good enough for that. You know, why should I even try? You know, I suck like that. That's a judgment that we want to do. In this regard, we want to flush that stuff, straight down the drain people.

There's one of those things that we will say yes, get rid of that out of your vocabulary. And there's a difference between judgment and comparison. We are in a culture of so much social media and are and we are judging ourselves against others, we're comparing our lives to what we think other people's lives look like. Or we're, as women, a lot of times we compare our weight, oh, she's skinnier than I am, I want to be skinnier, you know, you're judging yourself as not good or not healthy. Or maybe you would like to lose some weight, because it's the healthier choice. 

But it's the way you talk to yourself about it. And not judging yourself for having eaten ice cream every night, which is totally how I put on weight. If I eat ice cream at night. That's it. I'm like five pounds heavier the next morning. But if we're choosing these healthy lifestyle choices, and we're choosing healthy words, and we're this is really what we're trying to get at is instead of judging yourself to become the observer of yourself, and see yourself as having choices and choosing the best in alignment, discerning the best alignment frequency, vocabulary for you, what's the highest frequency of vocabulary that you can use, and I don't know if that's the right way either. But I'm just going to go into the work I did with the girls this week. 

It was kind of shocking. I said, Girls, let's just make a list of negative self talk and it spilled out of them so fast. It was like I suck. I can't do this. I'm tired. I am no good. And I was just writing as fast as I could. I was like, whoa, okay, let's take a deep breath now. And, and one of my girls said, Wow, imagine if somebody just heard us saying all that how they would think of us as such negative people in my cancer. 

Thank goodness, we're not so let's go ahead and make the second column here. And it was beautiful Alicia the words that they came up with to counteract those thoughts because we have those thoughts. It takes a conscious effort to switch them. So the end like you just said, witnessing yourself? Well, I didn't quite get that right tonight as you're eating your ice cream. 

Or as as you're up till midnight again, or as you know, you fell down the mountain or like I was just telling you sometimes i i have to make very intuitive decisions on my snowboard. And once in a while I make the wrong one. And I'm like, Oh, dang it here. I am marrying this tree. But I don't judge myself, I just say oh, I made a bad decision there. I'll do better. Emily's next 25 turns and that's what the girls came up with was, well, I'll do better next time or I need to keep trying. I'm still not very good at that. Am I you know, an awareness, a witnessing of? 

Yeah, I guess I need more time with this trick, you know, and it's just a beautiful honouring of the process that we all are on every single day that you know the old age old quote, it's not about the destination. It's about the journey. And so here we are, on this journey, trying to talk positively. And I know we were going to try this little moment of breath. So if you can say the five negatives, you know, I, I've, I suck. I'm no good. Why do I even bother? 

Whatever self deprecating things you might be familiar with, say those things and then go ahead and take a deep breath. And when I did this earlier, I couldn't. It was like friction in my chest. I wasn't able to breathe into those words. Were then I shifted and I said I'm trying my best today I am doing what I can. I still need more time to learn this and then that breath went all the way through Oh, I'm getting chills all the way through to my toes to the depths of my my ovaries to the crown of my my head. It was just like a ha. 

That's where I want to sit. That's the feeling of alignment and openness and connection with the true self. Because I think that those negative words when we say I'm no good, I suck that is not your true self is not your soul's alignment that is not your heart centered awareness. So these little moments of, you know if I breathe into something In that I self talk or say out loud to someone else. Is that really true? Is this in alignment with my inner truth? Or is there a way to shift that into a more positive light, and you can change your language. And Denise Lin says this, And so coaching, if you change your language, you will change your life. And I think Don Miguel says the same thing, if you can honor that one commitment of being impeccable with your word, not gossiping about others, making positive choices with your language, it will change your life, and you'll feel so much more aligned.

Absolutely. And one that I had to catch myself using was sarcasm, I would, I would insult myself in a sarcastic way, just to avoid the truth that I wasn't particularly living up to my best ability, because we do know deep inside of our souls that we are capable of being this spectacular, as I've said, in other episodes is this diamond, this shining, light shining beacon, and we all have that capacity and that capability. But we have the layers of whether it's from your childhood, or maybe it was a teacher or a coach or somebody who didn't have faith in you or probably didn't have faith in themselves and took it out on you. And so you've got those layers, and it's time to swim out from under that everybody. And, and today, start right now. And this is where I'll probably start crying, but just say I am worth it. I am amazing. I am more amazing today than I was yesterday. And even if it's a little fraction, then yeah.

Yeah, go back to episode three, and listen to saying yes to you and feeling into your self worth. And then shift your language to align with that feeling. So this is a practice and we're trying to help you to start to see that when you take that place of the sacred observer, I like to call it I got that from Denise Lynn. And I use it in soul coaching. When we talk about feeling different when you see yourself from that viewpoint of spirit the way God would see you how, you know, is this really a judgmental thing that we want to align with a spiritual belief that we're being judged at the end of our lives like this? I think, really, it's like you said, it's that inner awareness of, can I live with myself every day being this way. So it's how I really want to be in the world.

There's like six things I want to say right now. One, I'll quickly that's a huge topic, but that we have the power of our voices, that we aren't silenced, feminine voices have not always been celebrated. And they're still we're still shifting that. But when you can use your voice, please use it with grace, please use it with beauty. Please do not gossip, please do not cut down others. And let me shift that actually. Because when I'm coaching, I try not to tell the girls what not to do. You know, if I say to them, stop bending your legs. They what they hear is bend your legs, you know, stop flexing your feet, that's what they hear. So I'm gonna say this instead. This is like live action. Right now. Please be kind. And please support and if you witness somebody doing something that triggers an emotional reaction, look inside yourself before attacking them or say wow, their success makes me feel jealous. Hmm. I wonder why. And and just take a look at yourself. 

Take a look at yourself and then Michael Jackson mirrors right look at the mirror. 

Yeah, make a change, make a change.

Oh my gosh, it's all written on the walls, people. That's right. And so that leads me into the topic of emotional daggers. And the concept of well, you know, between you and I, bla bla bla bla bla bla, that stuff is still there. I know that you can say but I'm only saying this to my best friend. We were in closed doors. Energy has a strength to it. And you can be throwing emotional daggers at your neighbor, when you're talking about how they're so annoying and they don't cut the grass the right way or whatever. That has an impact. People can feel that and if you're an empath, oh my gosh, you're like, Aha, I know what you're talking about. shield up everybody.

That's the power of the throat chakra, and especially our voice and has vibration. That's how it travels has how sound travels. And it actually does affect the surrounding areas, even if it's halfway around the globe. It's interesting how gossip and negativity and judgement, when they're out in the world like that it festers. And it's, you might even feel it if you think someone's talking about you like that. And you just said shield up. Let's give an example here, where if you take your energy fields, feel it from your heart, put this bubble of light around you, like you've got a level of protection, where if people are talking about you negatively, it bounces right off, like a ball off of a wall, or like, what would be another great example. I mean that that bubble is you can let good energy in, but you can set an intention that I'm rubber and you're glue bounces off of me, right, and it goes back to you.

But that's the truth is that those emotional daggers will come back to you. And so that that's what triggered me when I was like, oh, that's the why. If I say something negative, it's going to come back at me. Oh, I Okay, I gotta stop that right now. You know. So true. And I think even more so I've been studying in this shamanic course, and looking at crystals, which I know you have a lot of, I love crystals.

And crystals only work in high frequency crystals. They only accept it. So when you set up your your three feet of space or six feet, if you need that we all we all understand what six feet of space is now, which I'm thrilled about. I'm like, Thank you COVID for teaching everyone what a six foot sphere looks like. Hold your level of frequency so high that that stuff can't even penetrate, it's just can't even come in. But also put it out only put out that high level. Let's get into a few more examples, though, of more like, ways that you can shift your even if you're feeling lonely, you can shift that into saying I'm open for love. There's so many little little vibrational frequencies you can feel into if you don't like it, find another true truer way to say it so that you feel more ease more happiness. 

What example were you going to say Shelby?

I was thinking about the F bomb. And it's, I love saying it's like my accent word. And I've been I've been really having a conversation with myself about it. But I should continue using it like it's so I don't know, anyway, we're careful not to use it here, just because we are careful not to use it around small children. But there is an amazing Netflix if you haven't seen it on swear words, and how they really help us accentuate things and use it's amazing. But of course, what you're gonna say we're not using this against people, we're using it.

To watch that movie, I really I really have a conflict with it. So thank you for that, wow, I'm learning so much. My hesitation or I get a little friction is when I see people saying like f COVID, or f this year or F 2020. And I'm like, why? Like I think it's because I've been practicing sitting in gratitude so often that to just tell something to eff off. It's that dagger again. You're just shooting this wicked, nasty arrow out into it. And you're like, Well, did you want to say anything else about it? Like maybe Thank you. 

So we don't need to talk about a lot. I just wanted to throw it out there that it's something to consider when you're about to just double flip off some situation back up and go. Is it teaching me something? Is it in my face for a reason? is should I be like thank you for your courage because sometimes people drive me nuts. But in reality, they were the courageous soul to come forward and stand up to me and teach me that really hard lesson I needed to learn. So I'm like, Oh, I see you and your purpose is clear. 

Who do you breath? Thank you so much, you know, and yeah, well and I'm, it's received, and it's learned instead of just does show us that everyone can be a teacher and a moment can can be that beneficial supportive, helpful, you know, even just self awareness and, and I love that actually that I think we were going to talk about we've both had two divorces, and the negativity that is used or spoken about divorce. are seen as a bad thing.

Failure.

That's the way people see it sometimes. And we have a different experience with it. We've both chosen this path for reasons around growth and learning.
And very different, you know, in the I'm sure in your two divorces and and mine, they're they're very different. 

But they probably all are.

Yeah, yes, of course. But that letting go of an honoring that they it was a contract, it was a soul contract as well as a marital contract and recognizing that we've grown apart, or we've grown differently. I am allowed to change I am, you know, even my son said, Mom, do you think you're afraid of commitment? Do you think that's why you're getting as second divorce, as you know, I don't think it's that. It's just that I've learned that we're different. And I want to stand up for myself and what I feel I need, and it's just again, going back to the the Catholicism and that divorce is a sin. And even though it's much more accepted now, there's still a little bit of residual guilt, you know, around it.

Sure, that was the day you were domesticated to believe that you were taught that. And the way that I like to think about this commitment of partnership, is that we have to also be committed to ourselves right back to saying yes to ourselves, what is it that I need, that I'm not getting, and that even though I've communicated to my partner that I need, and maybe they're not capable of meeting that need, this is not where we both align anymore. And then we go our separate ways. I advocate for people, choosing what's best for them, and not acquiescing to always being always doing what the other person wants. 

Because I think you are not afraid of commitment you are all in and you try your hardest. And then when you decide, actually, I need something different than this is when both of us have stepped out and said this isn't working.

Yes. And I think just to keep it a shorter story I could have in my second marriage, done the F bomb and walked away. And I really wanted to integrate, because I really loved I love my second husband, we love each other immensely. But we we both came to a place to say we're not feeding each other in there in the right ways from the right wells. And so we have come to a really good place of kindness and respect for each other. And I'm proud of that it took a long time. It took a lot of reworking my mindset, his mindset together, witnessing each other. It wasn't always easy. 

It wasn't it wasn't. It wasn't with ease, but it it really makes a difference now, if such a level of compassion for each other. And I know that's hard, and not a lot of people have that opportunity. And sometimes, this is a great segue. Sometimes speaking, your truth is not going to be received, or even it's going to be dangerous to speak your truth. So that's where you have to use discernment. And say, I want to stand up for myself, I want to speak my truth, I want to use my my I am words, but I will be put in to a dangerous place so that so because it's going into a lower frequencies. So that's when you have to take a different path. 

It's true, you don't always have to speak your truth. I mean, I think some people take this really aggressive stance of you need to hear me I have to say this. And sometimes that's not the best and the or the right platform or place or person to make that statement to sometimes we do need to hold our truth and just know it deeply within and use the ease and grace and kindness as much as possible to come to more of a
conscious communication and harmonize.

I mean, you and I are both in that plane of of choosing harmony over.

That's my New Year's resolution. It's been discernment for two years, but this year it was harmony. So yeah. So how do we do this? Like we just said Conscious Communication Alicia and I, we both recognize that not everybody is on this path. You might be listening to this, saying, oh, yeah, everybody around me is conscious. And this is easy for us to do together. Or you might be like, Wow, Alicia, we are the first people I've ever heard, speak this language. And so you might feel very alone in your group of people. 

And so there's some unraveling, that you're gonna have to do. And like Alicia and I both have had to use our discernment and find the people that vibrate at our frequency at this level of consciousness at this level of kindness and support and faith versus fear and doubt and ugly, you know, yeah, yeah, it is recognizing where you are growing to, and, and taking, what do they say taking stock of what you have around you, they say the five people closest to you is a really, or that you spend the most time with is a good reflection of who you are. So if you've got some really negative people in your life, and you're spending a lot of time with them, then that is going to have an effect on you and how you are in the world. 

But if you're doing this work, and you are becoming more conscious and, and more spiritually minded, to bring in these concepts into your life, to catch yourself to live this life with, like we're talking about that we've been on this path for 1520 years ourselves, it does take the awareness that you're going to grow into new connections with people that you can reach out to new communities, we have a great community that we invite people into if you're into this, we have Wednesday night moon circle around the new and full moon, we've got the soul coaching tribe of people that are consciously doing that 28 Day program together and, and growing and reflecting in a group so that we do have that community and, and support because that's important.

Yes, and what you'll be able to witness in those groups or in your own self, my, as I brought up already this shamanic course, I'm taking it's up my Freddie keyspace in gonna, and he brought up his amazing concept that we do not have to suffer. It's like you either. You either learn your lessons, or you suffer to learn them. And he's saying that's a that's an old concept. And let's toss it, I'm paraphrasing. But he's basically saying that what we what we don't learn from love, we can learn from unconditional love. And, to me, as I've probably mentioned, you are such an example of unconditional love to me, you reflect that back to me, I never feel like I've failed in your eyes, I always know that you see me as a woman who's trying her best and falling on her face. Once in a while. 

And I know I've used the word fail in our previous episodes. And I you know, it's a funny word because you know, I hang out with a lot of kids and they're like, ah fail fail code shall be like, yeah, it is a fail but it was a try to you know, it was an effort, it was a one step towards success, one step closer to success. But with with Puma, what I feel like he's saying is you don't have to struggle anymore, you can literally say I'm inside of this with faith. I'm not inside of this with fear. I'm not going to fight against my progress, I'm going to support myself and my progress. 

So whatever it is that you're doing and trying to do, unraveling a relationship or getting a new habit, Please have faith in yourself and keep saying those words and and let's say you're just already perfect and life is wonderful for you. But you're raising some children here that are learning this and you have to witness them that mom I failed at that or mom, I just suck and keep keep encouraging and coaching them. I do it every single day, so many times a day. 

And now it's gonna go that we have this giant list on the board. I look at my students and I say go read the board and they're like, Oh, you're right. I love that fuses. Kids are becoming aware of those negative states that they're saying to themselves or to to you to each other.

It's a practice it's constant. I look at him I go what was that? And they're like, and they'll repeat it and then I look at them I go Oh, right. Oh. Because it's automatic. It really it's a whole shift. A big one. 

So I love this conversation. I'm so grateful to get to have this concept and have been using this concept for myself and when my beloved friends and partner catch me when I'm still not speaking in the highest integrity that I wished to, when I love that, like, just what did you just say? Or, you know, if you're trying to work with your family and your friends, and on this concept, you can ask them to call you out on it when, when you notice that we're not speaking with the most unconditionally loving or accepting of ourselves or of others behaviors or, you know, it's, it's not out of judgment, it's just because I love you so much. I'd like you to be the best you can be. 

So shift your words woman out on it. Absolutely. So, I mean, one of the last things I want to share is just like, when you and I know you had a quote on this, but like, when you speak, is it contributing to the world? Is it if your words were like a river, and they you could watch them leave your mouth and go out into the world? What color? Are they? Are they sparkly? Are they like heavy? Like a rain cloud? Or are they like light and full of a energetic? Shazam. 

You know, like, even the ones in your head, like really take like, give yourself a little test for the next two hours and see what you think. See what you say. I see how you react to watching somebody be successful in front of you and become aware, like you said, what do you call it witnessing the soul coaching?

The soul coach, sacred observer, sacred observer vs. Actually, yeah, that's day four of the 28 day program, you get into spending the whole day just as the sacred observer noticing your thoughts and your words. And I would love it. If everybody could take a day and just start to notice it. See, see what comes out of your mouth. See what you start thinking and noticing about yourself. Some of it is words that we say every day, you don't even notice if people ask you how are you and you say I'm okay. Is that what you want to put out in the world is that is that connection with that person is that letting them see who you really are and how you're really feeling? If if you're feeling good, shift it say I'm good if you're, if you're feeling great, feel comfortable in your body to say I'm great, and show others who you are and what you're feeling. 

That's one of the things I think one of our friends said she just took Okay, out of her vocabulary. Just let's just be more descriptive about it. I'm feeling a little stressed today. Or, you know, although the day was going really great in the morning, then I hit a roadblock that I had a harder time with. And, you know, I'd love to talk about it with you if you've got a minute. 

You know, really being conscious with our communication is it's a huge challenge, but it's a huge gift to the world. It's a gift to ourselves. And we wish you the best of luck. We would love to see comments and questions on this topic. 

Please reach out to us on Facebook, Instagram, leave a note in the podcast episode that you're watching and, and have a blessed day sending so much positivity out to you. Oh, be amazing. Have faith in yourself. Love yourself and you are Shazam. Shazam. There we go. Thank you everybody.