260. This Sentient Life Could've Been An Email

Lords: * Jenni * Chris Topics: * Are corporate mascots in US culture age-locked to a generation? I have done no research about this * The continuation of our species depends on balls being able to taste soy sauce * BB-8 changed my tire * The Woodchuck, by Sam Pink * https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/comments/wg09x5/poemthewoodchuckbysam_pink/ Microtopics: * Too much dick content for one show. * What kind of fetus dong shot engagement you're looking for. * When they smear the goo on your belly. * Throwing a gender reveal party and the uncle nobody wants around is like "I don't believe you" and you get to whip out the photo of the kid's dick. * Shipping a person in Q4. * Automating the Omelas kid. * The Disney suffering animatronic child asking passers by to walk away from Omelas. * Gen Z no longer needing to read The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas because they live in modern society. * Gardening in one of the hardest places in the world to garden. * What's the grass for? * An office park spending millions of gallons of water to maintain a lawn nobody ever walks on or looks at. * What if the Omelas kid is a dick? What if they're treating him really well and he just has impossibly high standards and hates everything. * An electrical problem that's very pronounced when Jenni turns on the blender. * The Golden Age of Corporate Mascots. * Undead Corporate Mascots. * Trying to find a picture of the Toucan Sam redesign and ending up on Deviant Art. * Howard and Nester. * Whether American kids will tolerate anime. * President of the Nintendo No Fun Club. * Spending $200 on the Nintendo hint line trying to solve the last screen in Solstice. * An adventure game that's also a platformer where if your toe touches a candle flame it's an instant game over. * Inventing terrible camera angles in a 2D game. * It's 3D, but on your Speccy! * Trusting a YouTube documentary more the longer the video is. * Are Domo Kun and Hello Kitty free agents? * Cap'n Crunch guest starring in the Star Wars Holiday Special. * A Roma who was once helpful. * Eating a sandwich and getting the sandwich tattooed on your bicep because. * A baby name that Boomer moms love. * Remington Steel On At 7PM After Matlock Jones. * Getting into a thing with people on Metafilter. * POV: when your girlfriend gets you Swedish meatballs at Ikea. * Whether Frosthaven is important to the testicles tasting umami story. * Vanilloid receptors. * Why you can shock your tongue with a 9 volt battery but you can't shock your forearm even if it's wet. * The chef with the tiny spoon in your testicles making sure to get the exact right MSG level in your semen. * Peppers hacking mammal biology. * Seeds who enjoy being digested by birds. * The cardioprotective benefit of spicy food. * The Ones Who Bring it Back to Omelas. * Broccoli evolving into crabs. * This is canon: BB-8 drives a 2016 Corolla. * Pretending that you are talking to a Youtube audience while you make s sandwich. * Just a li'l guy who rolls around on a ball. * R2D2: a mean mean man. * The floor falling out of the Pinto while you're driving it. * A rubber pad with friction stripes on it. * Turning it until it feels like you broke it, but you didn't and you have to keep going. * After the cake comes out of the oven the recipe stops having steps. * How to get help from Linux users. * The entire wheel snapping off the axle as you're parking at Camerica Bank. * Different car, same maintenance strategy. * Driving a car until it can no longer be ontologically be classified as a car. * Churchill's Irregulars. * Waiting for Peter Jackson to mansplain to you the sound a car makes when the wheel snaps off. * Delving too deeply into the Cars cinematic universe. * A Mastodon setting that hides all of Jim's BB-8 toots. * How to find people to follow on Nectarine. * The dying MUD you joined in 1997. * Radioactive names such as Hitler and Sheldon. * Joining a social media service and it tells you there are no posts. * Sam Pink strikes again. * The emotional arc of putting a tiny hat on a woodchuck. * A woodchuck you would definitely do a murder to. * Ampersand at the beginning of the line. * The Furniture That Rolled Away From Omelas. * Why the computer is mad in I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream. * Looking for sentient life in the universe when you have dolphins at home.