Yeah, I think it's incredibly unfair to look at the current plight of men intending to look at women and saying, You need to help. It's got to be offensive, right for someone to suggest as a woman to hear, like, like, we've had to work so hard and bust our ass and you know, burn our bras and say that we won't stand for and now that you fallen behind, you need our help. Yeah, I could see how
that's really frustrating. And they kind of don't want to Yes, but at the same time, we see what the fallout of this has been.
Again, we try to help and we still get pushed back from it.
Welcome back, well, come back to another episode until the wheels fall off on man page. We're back and we're healthy for the first time in at least a month. Or a month raring to go, man, we cannot wait. Other than being so hot in here right now as it was like 112 degrees this week, which is for where we live insane.
Yeah, feels like a nasty hairdryer outside straight up.
It feels exactly like a hairdryer. So if you've never lived in a crazy hot climate, stick your hairdryer about six inches from your face.
Like it's just freakin missed. And then you're gonna be bitchin in the wintertime. So we'll remember this.
Yeah, yeah. Call me on that. Because I will complain. I will. I'm never content, always restless.
So I love you. Okay, many reasons. Last week, we
uncovered a topic about the abuse underlying addiction. And we talked about this being unique to men. It's no secret to me that roughly 85% of our audience are women. We have a lot of women that listen to the show, follow the show. And the community page, with just a few exceptions, is primarily women. But it's not so much of a surprise because when you look at the the gap in men versus women who have a substance abuse disorder, the number comes in at 67%. Male 67% of substance
abusers are men. So we'll call it 70%. Yeah, it's almost three out of four. Yeah. Is a lot. There. There's something going on with men. Yes. Okay. There's and we've landed up with me. We talked about this in the community, like I brought it up just I don't know, this has been a couple of months now. Like when the community was new, many of you who are in there now or listening like, oh, yeah, we brought it up. It's been an ongoing conversation between Paige and I, for a very long
time. And I've had this conversation with many people. In particular one that's very interesting to me. So the history of till the wheels fall off, how this came to be as a show how it came to be, as a group and everything else in the accounts can be traced back to one person, and she knows who she is. And we love her to death. She is incredibly special to us. She's a special person, just all around amazing. Hey, girl, Hey, bud. But this person has always been very fascinating
to me. Very fascinating to me, because let's just describe her on the surface. This this is a this is a woman with a college education working a great job in her late 20s. She is cute as can be takes care of herself. Yeah, she takes care of herself like she is. She's family oriented. She is open minded, she is incredible. When you look at the qualities of a partner, just as a male, you would think like, that's a catch. Yeah, that's a catch, right? She should be locked up with kids and
everything else. But we've had an ongoing discussion that that is not the case. And she's told me many times, like there's something going on out there. I don't know what it is. But there's something going on. And so we have sat and sat and talked about this for hours, like literally hours. Yeah, we call them a little therapy sessions, where we go back and forth about this stuff about
what could be going on. And then so Paige, and I come home, and we talk about this, and it's been a discussion in our home for a year. Yeah, this is the first time we're really going to
bring it up. I think I would like for this to be a series of an ongoing discussion to get to the bottom of this and what's underlying this as far as what we look at here, which is addiction, addiction, and how that affects families, how that affects the social construct of marriage partnerships, relationships, purpose, and drive, and all these things that are kind of underlying. So we're gonna get into some of this
stuff today. Yeah, it's gonna be really interesting, I hope, but more than anything, I'm asking you the listeners, if you're seeing this on a real I want feedback on this as well. Yes, I've done a plethora of research. I've listened to more podcasts and I can count watch videos, read books, but I want people I want to
hear from real people like that we back that know that what we're doing and stuff and what they're going through. We want to hear from you and see if we're completely off base or if there's something here
because as much as we can theorize about this stuff, we have a blind spot Yeah, because neither of us are single or dating.
We haven't had the date since we were exactly.
I don't know what that's like.
I mean, we've been together for over 20 years. So this is a little bit out of our area of expertise. But it's still part of things that we discussed.
Absolutely it is. It's it's very interesting, because you can talk to two separate groups, I can talk to young men who are single, I can talk to young women that are single, and the stories are so vastly different, that I can only conclude that the truth has to be somewhere in the middle. But based on the research that I've done, there's something going on with men. Yeah. And so we're going to get into the some of that today. Let's go hope you
enjoy the ride. Okay. And I want to say, I, I'm not bashing with women, I'm not bashing men, I'm not bashing addicts. We're not doing any of those things. It's just simply a very interesting topic, right? And I would just like it to spur thoughts in your mind if it does anything at all, and get you asking some question. I
think it needs to be talked about, I think this is an important topic topic that the world needs to discuss.
It's being explored a little more. And so last week, I read a book as fast as I've ever read a book you did, it was amazing. It came in and I was just like, obsessed with it. And it was like fighting sleep to get to the next page, like just obsessed with it. And it's, it's called, of boys and men by Richard Reeves. Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters and what to do about it. Very, very interesting. Very interesting. So the theory is essentially, that men are
falling behind. Yeah. And this goes along to what our friend has told us many times that men are falling behind. I can kind of sense that as well. When I go to treatment centers, the majority of the room, they're
male. Yeah, they're male. And then what is your observation?
My observation, yeah, meaning like just that the fact that they're male.
Well, have you noticed that you've been going to the treatment center for 10 years? Have you noticed a change in the male attitude?
No, the male attitude hasn't changed a lot. If anything, I've seen a bit more women come in. Okay. Still, the numbers are still staggered, I would say it's probably 80%. In that that particular treatment center, probably 80%. What about their drive? non existent?
Has it always been that way?
Yes, I would say, yeah, about the same dry, I
didn't know if it has changed in the past 10 years,
not in my observations there. But okay. But something that we're presented with just about every day is a story from a spouse who is trying to keep her family together. And she has an apathetic partner who has no interest in acknowledging they haven't any kind of substance problem. Or if, if it's kind of obvious, they'll just deny the severity of it. Unwillingness to get help, some of those that actually do try to get help, are just unwilling to do the work it
takes to stay in it. And it's leaving a generation of women perplexed, confused. What the hell do we do with this? What is going on? What happened? Where have all the cowboys gone? It's it blowing my mind, blowing my mind as I'm sitting here reading him. So some interesting stats that were from this book, but came from an awesome podcast. And and Chris Williamson, there's some really interesting statistics here. Men 18 to 30 reported having no sex in the past year. What do you think
that number is? percentage wise? Men have 18 to 30 reporting no sex in the past year, you had to guess? I don't
know. Why are you asking me about percentages right now? Really?
I would guess like 5%. Okay. It's 28%. It has tripled in the last 10 years. This is men who have reported not having sex in the last year. I have been a young male, between the ages of 18 and 30. I know what the male sex drive is like, can you imagine not pursuing sex? And I have to think knowing what I know about addiction. So if you're not, what is causing that
they're getting it elsewhere. That's
that's kind of our theory.
I think they're getting it elsewhere. They're getting it through alcohol addiction, video games, porn. I mean, it could be a number of things, that that they're not getting it from a woman or connection. They're getting it from something else. And that is scary.
Very scary. Yeah. Very scary. It's insane to think about what's even more troubling is the next figure, which is that 50% of men report they are not looking for a relationship, but 50% are not looking for a relationship.
Can I have say my theory on that? Yeah. I don't think that they want to be controlled or they don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who's going to help them become better.
You don't think they want to be challenged? No, I
don't think they want to be challenged. They're finding it a lot of men like to they want to be adults and do what they want to do. Have not no responsibility except for paying bills.
And that's the perspective that I get from a lot of women too. I think there's something valid to that if it's your experience, there has to be something to this.
Just from talking to the people that I speak with, that's what I'm coming across as well. Men don't like to be told what to do.
What's scary about this 50% Number 50% of men that don't want to the aren't even trying to get into relationship is that when you look at all the numbers that predict your health outcomes later in life, the number of close connections you have trumps the mall better than if you smoke or not how much you what your diet looks like whether or not you exercise, your alcohol intake, the number of close connections you have, has more to say about your health outcomes later in life
than all of those things. Yeah. And 50% of men are uninterested in pursuing a relationship. Crazy.
I just I'm over here shaking my head, because that is a high number.
Yeah. Very high number and some other interesting stats. So if men aren't getting in relationships, obviously it takes two to get in a relationship. But what are the women doing? You can look at women's history over the last let's call it 50 to 60 years, women have made massive strides in closing the gap of political equality, economic equality, education, equality, cultural equality, I'm not saying by any means that the job is done. But they've made up massive ground.
Absolutely. And go women. That's amazing. Yeah, the feminist movement is doing its job. It's beautiful thing, striving for equality. It's a great thing. But it is upset the balance of things. Yes. As women continually get better and better and better and level up.
What are the men doing?
They have done? Nothing best I can tell.
They're not they're just staying stagnant. It's just like, they would rather go back to how it was, or their main purpose was
read wide. breadwinner? Yeah, to be the breadwinner.
Yeah, and now women are doing it all.
Yeah, doing it. You guys are doing everything we do everything we we
can provide. We can take care of our children, we take care of the household, we take care of everything around us. And the men are just, they're
just there. And we'll get into the discussion of purpose in just a moment. Something that comes of this, though, is when you look at for the first time in human history. 50.1% of women at age 30 are childless. Yeah, there are more women at age 30. Without children than with children, for the first time in, in history, our recorded history. That's wild. Yeah, it's wild. That's one of the results of this. And Chris Williamson has what he calls the tall girl
problem. And so in general, and this is just human nature, women would want to date someone that is at least as educated as them, or economically advantaged as them is able to provide similar level of income. As we will see here, shortly, men are not only falling out of the labor market, and struggling there, they're falling out of education as
well. So you have women who are continually leveling up, and men that are sitting stagnant, if anything, they're falling back, which leaves a very small group of men for all these upcoming women to choose from, which leads to this situation that we're in right now. And I think that a lot of the problems that we deal with and the couples that come to us and then are looking for for hope and help. I think that there's some of this
underlying a lot of it. Oh, yeah, when I deal with the men, especially, I get this, right, I get this very old attitude that like this old patriarchal, like, old fashioned way. things used to be kind of stuff. Yeah, that's just not the reality of the world. No, it's not. And so the book I read of boys and men goes into all kinds of statistics and reasons for this and really digs into it. And it's very, very interesting. We're not going to spend the
entire episode thank you. Yeah, dig digging into, oh, man pages been getting stat after stat after stat as I decided and
I get like, and it's great stats are great. But I get really like tired head from hearing stats over and over again, because I want to have a conversation about you know, theories and throw stead in occasionally just
know that the, the, the takeaway is that boys are behind girls and education. Men are losing ground in the labor market. Fathers have lost their traditional role in the family, which is something we're going to explore a bit more when we talk about purpose. And actually just go ahead and dig into that. Yeah, I think that as we kind of talked about what we see what we deal with. We talk we've talked about lack of purpose a lot as it pertains to addiction in
general. Yes. And for the partner of an alcoholic or an addict. Purpose is also something that they have to discover, to increase their self esteem self worth their overall happiness their to empower them to live a life that they desire. Not being dragged by this addict alcoholic through life like they don't want, right? It's this
purpose. Yeah. So when we're talking about purpose, I think that there's this hilarious quote, I remember the name, there was a feminist author who said, women need men like fish need a bicycle, and crude, but it's freaking hilarious to me. But if you think about it really, really, for the for human history, the man's job, the man's role in a relationship has been what just to provide, provide. Okay, so now we've
turned that on its head. The statistic that I will get this statistic from sorry, women are the breadwinner, and 41% of homes in the United States. Yeah, almost half now, women are the breadwinner, go ladies go. But this is up ended the role that men have been given or actually gave themselves Okay, right, many years ago. And so they're looking at their lives or looking at their purpose in the world and saying, Where do I belong? What do I do?
You can be like us and have many hats. That's ultimately just saying.
That's ultimately where things get, but it's it's not so simple. And I think we look at it as a problem. It's, it's structural, right? So it's not just like individual
No, no, it has to come from like the society piece as well. It's harder to do it individualized.
Yeah, it's not just it's you can't just look at men and say, like, This is all your fault. No, but I can look at men and say, while everything may not be your fault, it's your it's your responsibility to do something about it. The the face of masculinity has to change
what that means. And this is a big political debate as well, that we are not going to get into we are very apolitical on the record saying that, but looking at this from 30,000 feet, the left will say toxic masculinity is bad, it's toxic. In fact, it needs to be done away with the and then the right will say we need to go we need to go back more of it. And it's like there's just this creates a
stalemate. And in the meantime, we've got young boys falling behind in school, job markets, labor markets, being displaced, where you've got people losing positions to automation, robotics, different fields of study and offshoring of industry and all different kinds of things. But there is a problem, something needs to be done about
it. And it's it's from an addiction standpoint, this is where I wanted to kind of hone the discussion now that we've kind of opened it up, to what degree does addiction drive this type of behavior, or at least make it easier for them? And I think that it would be foolish to say that it's not playing some part. Now, how much of that I don't know, if we're gonna weigh it against socio economic factors, and, you know, political factors and all these
things. I don't know. But I think it's a larger percentage than people would be willing to admit that there are people who are addicted to pornography, men are addicted to pornography, and men who are addicted to the patriarchal idea of what a man is, and cannot evolve and refuses to evolve, as well as substances themselves. Drugs and alcohol. 70% of the people out there who are doing these things
are men. And if you think about what our relationship was, like, whenever I was, you know, I was arrived, I was using when I was out and about, what what how, like, you had to wear multiple hats, you always had to take on a larger burden of the work, right? It's for the simple fact that that's kind of how things were structured that had nothing to do with me or you. But when someone's in addiction, even more, so. Yeah, even more, so you're having to wear a much
larger part of this. Yes. And so what are your thoughts about how much addiction is really driving this and how many people are hiding in addiction? If you remove that from the equation? What are you staring at me? Like, don't like you put on the spot? This is your job. All right. You said this twice in a podcast leave me alone. This is our job. This is our job. So you work with a lot of people, right? Yeah. What kind of things are you hearing from the other side?
Well, that the women are doing everything and the men aren't doing much of anything. That's true. Yeah. So but here's the thing though, though, with with this, the partners with us, we have not been told to do these things. We just do them because it's part of our nurturing. I don't I guess it's part of our makeup whenever we're born, that we are supposed to take care of our family like
that's just what we do. We take care of our chores, we take care of whatever we have to take care of without being asked and no one pushed us to do that. We decided to take it into our own hands too. We take over the finances and take over all of that stuff and where all these multiple hats, but men don't aren't doing that.
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help. Like, it's got to be offensive, right for someone to suggest as a woman to hear like, like, we've had to work so hard and bust our ass and you know, burn our bras and say that we won't stand for and now that you fallen behind, you need our help. Yeah, like I could see how that's really frustrating. And they kind of don't want to Yes, but at the same time we see what the fallout
of this has been again, we try to help and we still get pushback from from it. That's the thing, too, we're trying to influence our partners to do better to be a better partner to be a better person, like we're not trying to control you. We're literally trying to influence you to do what you should do as a human being. But you're looking at it as controlling and looking at it as they're just they don't let me be me. I want to do what I want to do. And
there is a disconnect there. For you know, that reason, there's a disconnect
Big time, big time. And I'll say something that could be a little controversial. I personally have always felt that women were more mature than men.
That's fact. Well, they are okay, we
will developmentally right. But I'm talking about even later in life, like in general, like the women that anyone had been exposed to. Yeah, I've always seemed more mature. Yeah. Had a better grasp of how to adult. Great most of the men, right that I know. Yes. And I just, I think about okay, so what do we do about it? What's, what's the answer? It's so complex. Like, we're certainly not going to cover it in a 45 minute podcast and come
up with a solution. But as it pertains to addiction, the role that masculinity plays, and the role of the modern masculine father, husband, provider, caretaker, like, what does that really look like? And how do you begin to overhaul that within the family unit? How do you look at a family that's been wrecked by addiction, you've got a husband that gets out of rehab, and they don't do much in the way of actual recovery work. They sit around, they play Call of Duty for six hours a day.
They're not interested in helping. It's like, we're going to have two words.
What's that? Do better?
Do better? That's your that's your advice to men. You do better? Fair.
You agreed with that?
I agree with that. I do. Okay, like there is some of there is
I'm not it's not it's just I feel like there's too many excuses out there for why they can't step it up. Like what's the problem? I don't I don't know. I mean,
I think it's all about evolution. Right? And I don't mean that from a like a human history standpoint. I mean, that from a, the dynamics of the family have changed. Women are no longer dependent on you economically. How can you make yourself useful and how do you find purpose in a world you become
a better father, a better partner, you pull your weight around the house, you do all of those things you Do what the woman woman does. You know, that's where the equality comes in, in my opinion,
I agree with that. And I think that as a man, I would encourage other men to look at women currently and what they're doing because they're doing incredible things in the world and say, they're doing it right. Let's watch and learn. Yeah, let's let's begin to take on some of those same behaviors and actions, and how can we be helpful, as opposed to saying, either, it's your fault helped me? Or I'm not going to do anything about this at all. It's your fault.
Yeah. And you're a man. So how does that make you feel to look at other women and or look at women and say, watch them? Do what they do, they've got a good head on their shoulders, because a lot of men are not going to look at that. They're, it's an ego thing. It seems like me personally,
I have zero problem with it. I
think that's beautiful,
zero problem with that.
Now, what about, you know, 1015 years ago, when you were actively using and you were younger, and you were, you know, not in the best mental space talk
to say, because it was, I don't really remember my frame of mind around things like this back then. Okay, I really don't like I younger in that, in that time in my life, I'm not sure I had any real established ideas or opinions about much of anything, I was just concerned about one thing, right. And that was just, you know, keeping my addiction going. That was pretty much it. Like, I wasn't giving a whole lot of thought, these types of things.
So it sounds like that people just need to find their purpose again, and the purpose is not going into it's changing, it's shifting, it doesn't mean provide. It can't just just solely providing for your family purpose means something completely different, right?
And so like, what when I say do better, do better, like so it's a call to action for men, if if your partner listens to this, that's wonderful. Especially for a man in recovery. This is what worked for us. I'm not saying this is a golden ticket way out for everyone. But this is what worked for us. So when when I got back into the family unit, I recognized immediately that you had taken the reins, and you had been running our family for a
very long time. Yes. And I was very aware of the fact that I was not going to be able to come and step in and be like, okay, the man's back in charge. It was never anything like that. You agree? Absolutely sure. Like, yeah, different different different memory, I'm extremely grateful, very gently kind of work my way back in, show you the respect that you deserved.
Give me the admiration that you deserved, and start to watch what you were doing and see how I could be helpful, and how I could pack into the mission overall mission, which is, let's get our family from A to B. And what does that look like? So it was a bit of an ego softening
process. I think that for anyone straight out treatment, that's a really good way to look at it is very be very respectful, and understanding that your partner and this could be the other way to this could be a man has been taking care of things and the woman's coming out. Right, right to look at that family situation, understand this person has been wearing every hat that exists. And ever so slowly, you're going to have to suggest or ask permission to
take a hat. Yeah, and sort of, you know, begin to pull your weight again.
I just don't know why it's a problem to you know, educate yourself, you know, have personal development, choose growth, learn from others, change your behaviors, change your habits, like why is this such a difficult thing? For a lot of people?
That's a damn good question. And I don't know the answer to that. But if you asked a lot of scholars and researchers, you would get a multitude of answers, but I bet you the most honest ones would just say, we don't know.
Do you think people are just content with getting their purpose elsewhere? Yeah, filling their void elsewhere? Yeah,
because it's so much easier. Like I've I've always believed that. You just said it's so much easier. Yeah. I've always believed that in general, like I'm speaking as a man who was addicted that I was like water. And what I mean by that is, I was going to find the path of least resistance. And so the easiest softest thing I could do. I didn't want to deal with stress in my life. easier way to deal with that would just be to get drunk. No more problem. It
just goes away. will temporarily anyway, but it felt like it went away. Right. And I kind of worked that into all things in my life. Like, getting up in the morning was too much of a pain in the ass. It's much easier to go in at 1030 and make up some dumb excuse. It's much easier to make an excuse to not go to your in laws house because that requires work and effort and requires talking to people. So I would just make an excuse. I would I don't feel good, right?
Like something like that. Yeah, the path of least resistance was always away. I think that maybe that's more prevalent now than it has been. It's easier to do now with technology. It's easier to make. Our lives have been made so much easier than they were even 1015 years ago. Imagine, you know, 2030 years ago, but what's happened is that women have moved up in every way, culturally, economically, education And within the family unit itself, and men have just
stayed put. You guys are moving up, and the culture has evolved, but men have not. And we are stuck. And I think that addiction is going to get worse. I agree not better. I think that we're looking at the tip of the iceberg here. Uh huh. And it's going to get much, much worse. Yeah, it is much, much worse. Right. So, you know, on the side here, like part of my job, I guess, is to inspire men that are sort of grappling with this, and putting a message out there of hope. And it's
not to shame anybody or anything. This is literally this is just what's happening. This is the reality of life right now. Yeah, like, we have to bring this up. And it has to become, you know, it has to be discussed, because like you said, it's gonna get worse. Yeah,
I'm not, I'm not beating anyone up. No, just this is the, this is the reality. These are the facts, they want to put my arm around them and say, that you can do, things can get better, things can get better, it's gonna require a lot of work. But you can be useful, you
can have purpose, and then filling that void with all of these external things, and not with a personal connection is going to catch up with them many years down the road. Absolutely. Because they are learning, they're numbing their emotions, they are stalling their growth, they are like, everything is just like we said, stagnant. So it might feel good temporarily. But in the end, they're really missing out on a true connection and actually being like, amazing in life.
Yeah, like you're selling yourself short. Yeah, at the very least, you're selling yourself short. And we've talked about this, just in terms of like, like, I think the reasons not to use a substance, like far outweigh the reasons to use a substance. Like when I look at my, my possible potential, if I want to use 100% of my potential if I want to achieve it, then substances cannot be a part of it. Yeah, even if I choose to drink a little bit, it's going to take away some of my
potential. There's a cost associated with doing it. Yes, you have to something has to give here. But I think that the lack of purpose is felt by so many men right now. And it's not just at work. It's not just in their homes. It's something much bigger going on, like in society as a whole. Like, you know, masculinity has been, like, deemed toxic and like, that's terrible. And like, there are certain traits of it for sure. Like in the patriarchy like
That's right. If you feeling good about yourself means you have to put someone else down. That's that's a bad thing. Right? selfish thing. It's not like people hate on feminism. But feminism is nothing more than asking for equality. Exactly. If you have a problem with feminism. I got big questions for you. Right? Like what a problem with equality? Yeah, yeah. But when suddenly things aren't working our way as men we've kind of like,
rebelled. And then like you look at the dangers of this, like, you look at men in general, like we like biologically, we're different. We have more risk taking behavior, we are also more aggressive. And these are strictly due to testosterone. This is a hormonal thing. Yeah. But you look and see what happens when men get addicted, when men get lonely, and men are aggressive, and men are violent. What does the world look like? Well, I'll tell you what it looks like you can see it
everywhere. Turn on the news and tell me how many shootings are where today? How many kids went to school, and you know what the gun? How many men got abusive with their families, you know, how many sexual assaults occurred, like lonely men are very, very dangerous for society, right? Very dangerous, and you throw an addiction and just makes those propensities even worse, and things get much,
much scarier. Yeah. So part of what we're doing in the background, we've kind of alluded to it a couple times, but we're developing coursework, because we can't physically, we don't have like, there's not enough time in the day to work with people all day one on one. Yeah. So we're developing courses. So that we can teach one to many. So it's a spending time with many, many people in a
course. And there's going to be there's more courses now that we can shake a stick at like that we've got conceptualized we've actually started or had some even completed, that's haven't been released yet. There'll be more info on this. But I think one of these will be an education on what what masculinity, what your role in the family looks like, after addiction. Yeah. And it'd be a little different for everyone.
But I think there's some basic tenants of what have worked for me, and I've seen work for many other men that are going to be helpful for a lot of families. So I'm looking forward to that. Yeah. And so I never dreamed at any point that any opinion I ever had would be worth a shot. Oh, but I can't help but look at what we've been through. Yeah, it's worked. What I've seen work for other people and say, this can be helpful for a lot of people. Why don't why don't we teach a lot of people how this
works. And it's not complicated. Like, it's not rocket surgery, you know, lots of basic manners.
Yeah, but we it's been lost. It has
its slot extinguished. Yeah. It's just
time to educate. It's okay.
Yeah. I mean, there's a problem with men. There's not a problem of men. Right? We can address this it's this is one little piece of it. This is the part that pertains to Our little niche and addiction and, you know, behavioral changes and the inner workings of a marriage and a partnership and a relationship. But there are much bigger things that I will never be able to touch, like education reform, labor reform, and all that good stuff. I mean, those are certainly parts of this to
play into it. But back to the original piece of this, it's It blows my mind how many incredible women reach out to us, and are having all these problems. And it's just, it's from a market efficiency standpoint, this is like where my economic brain goes. So from markets are supposed to be efficient when there's supply. When there's a lack of supply, there's an increase in demand prices adjust equilibrium is found. When you think about that in terms of like partnerships.
I'm sure her eyes are glazing over. And think about that. In terms of partnerships, though, what I see is more amazing women than ever available out there, and more amazing women than ever who want to be in relationships with men. And men are essentially shunning it. They're like, No, I don't want to do the work. It takes that you're asking me, I don't want to keep up. I don't want to do this. I don't, I would rather sit and drink and play Call of Duty. And it breaks my heart.
Yeah. And I want to hear from the women that are going through this, and what their thoughts are. But I'd also like to hear from the men that are going through this and like what is what are you why are you not? Like what is it? What is the What's your reasoning, and there's no judgment here. We really want to figure out what is going on?
Yeah, like everything that we've talked about here. Part of came from actual facts, statistics, you can argue part of it came from our experience, and obviously some theories, right. So apologize in advance if anyone's been offended by this this,
especially when I say do better, but that's not what I mean.
It's a joke, right? It's obviously said tongue in cheek, like do better. Like yeah, he's Yeah, do better.
I had to do better. I had to choose, I had to better you had to choose to do better. But look what happened, it was a great thing for
it was falling apart. What should I do? Do better, it's better.
There's nothing wrong with that. But there is
something to be said about just doing better. And what is doing better look like I know for me, and we talked about it just briefly just back to that for a moment, coming back into the home with a very, very kind, courteous, empathetic understanding of what's been taking place in the role of your wife or partner, even husband, when you've been out and about using and what that looks like as you start to work your way
back into it. And what type of model do you want to be for not only her, but for the children, children, which is possibly the most important piece here? I don't want to get an off the top of the stats here. But I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that homeless without a father present. Children tend to do worse, tend to do worse, like there's a
but what if it's, you know, mentally unstable for people that
don't get recovery? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think that for a lot of people, that decision is the right decision. It's bad as well. Yeah, no, I'm talking about for people, it recovered, like an incentive to recover like I could change generations, right. For people that are dealing with someone who doesn't want to get the help, like, what should I do? Yeah, that's, I mean, I think the outcome, there's like, pretty obvious,
right? Right. Right. Don't Don't put yourself in a situation that could get dangerous, right? Don't do that. Never, never, ever, ever tell someone to stay there. Just because we're till the wheels fall off. We figured it out. We encourage people to figure it out. But it's not always figured out a bowl if you're the only one doing the work. It takes two years to figure this thing out. But there is something up with men, I am sympathetic to the plight of
men, I happen to be a man. But I also understand very much, especially seeing one on one work with partners, what women are going through, primarily women are going through and I just feel like, Guys, we owe its own, we owe it to him to step up. We owe it to him to do better. We, we owe it to them. You owe it to yourselves to pull away and you're right about that we owe it to ourselves as well, like the sense of purpose that you feel. in recovery, it's you have a unique opportunity.
Actually, if you're addicted, you haven't unique opportunity to have purpose that a lot of people don't Yep, if you're a sober person, and you're just playing video games, you're just kind of lost. Like, it'd be kind of hard to figure out your sense of purpose. If you're an addicted person, you can actually have hope that your purpose can be huge. Because whenever you get sober and you figured it out, you can actually then go and help other people do exactly, it gives you purpose.
It will provide purpose like you've never felt it was the first time in my life I've ever felt actual purpose. Like you say what you want about the 12 steps, they didn't work for me and blah, blah, blah, whatever the 12 step is that you go out there and you do for others. You carry the message, right? And not in a way it's the most beautifully selfish thing in the world. You go out there, you tell someone how you did it, you help them do it, and then they
recover. But in turn, nothing reinforces that behavior like teaching someone Yep. So I get more from it actually, when I help someone but they think I help them. I'm like, Dude, you helped me. Yeah, and the end of it. We're fist bump and like, this is great. Yes. Like we're Both better, right? It gives you a sense of purpose, and you've got a unique opportunity to have purpose that a lot of people don't have. Because you're such a screw up.
Exactly. You know, yes. It's kind of a blessing in disguise
this wonderful opportunity. So we talked about purpose. I think it's a unique way and what we'll approach that we'll have more discussions about this. Yeah, I know this episode's been weird if you hung around this long, because a lot of times we kind of go through a criteria like, Hey, here's a topic. Here's some issues. Here's how you fix it. In the end, we love you. This has been more of an open discussion. And we really are asking for
feedback here. So if you're not already part of our Facebook community, come check us out any of our social media links have a link to the group, it's called to fo community TW FL community. And I would love to hear from people that we get feedback.
Also social media accounts, you can hit us up on Tik Tok, Instagram, Facebook, I think those are going through active on but inboxes open, I would love to hear from people that are dealing with this, whether you are in sort of if you're a male, lacking purpose, and you're not an addict, and you got a theory on this, if you are
someone who is addicted. And you've got a theory on this, if you're wanting to, you know, half the males out there that have no interest in getting with a woman, I want to know what that's about. Yeah, or not just a woman but a partner, partner. What is that about? Yeah.
Even if you think I'm full of shit.
Yeah, I want to know what's up with that. interested? Interested in all the perspectives you can say you guys are idiots. You wasted 40. That's okay. Totally cool, too. It's totally valid. But anyway, I hope if anything at all this kind of got the wheels turning. And hey, if if your spouse, and you would love your husband to hear some stuff like this, I think this is a great episode to tune into. And just send it to him and say nothing else. Say hey, listen to these folks.
There's interesting stuff here. Not beating anyone up. No, I'm not saying it's hopeless. I'm saying it can't get better. Yes, but you gotta want to work together. And I want it to man like Yeah, and if you're willing, then I got the direction for you. Yeah. And I'll get you there. Yeah. So looking forward to this. I'm proud of you. Let's go. Thank you. I'm not sure why but thank you. You've come a long way. Man. You know what's funny about
this, I'll end with this. I've always felt incredibly awkward when someone says like, congratulations on your record, you don't take. Don't take compliments. Well, in general, like it feels awkward to me, because I feel like I'm just like doing what? It's like thinking you're taking your car for starting.
I know. That's why I had that we had that episode or that time when I was like, Okay, what about us? You know, like, we Yeah, we're the one who's been doing this, like the right thing for years and years and years. But where's our, you know, hey,
believe me, like, I know where it comes from. Like, I had someone explain to me when I was my first year sober, there was a woman who came to talk to me, she was teary eyed. And she was she was at the gym, I was attending. And she said, I just want to tell you how proud of you I am and I was kind of sit there just like blushing, like feeling awkward, like, I don't like I appreciate it. But I don't really know how to take
that or how to respond. And she said, the reason I'm telling you is because I have a son who never figured it out. And we don't know where he is. We don't know if he's alive or dead. And I just wanted to let you know, it's really awesome to see someone when I was like, Oh, shit, okay, I get it.
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm saying it You do deserve that frickin like you do. I mean, people who go through that you went through hell and you've learned how to get out of it. That's an amazing,
I don't know, I'm just doing better about it. Just doing my part man, like swear to God, I'm not. I don't think about it any more than that, like, I live a blessed life. I'm extremely grateful. I'll let you all be proud. I'm just gonna stay grateful. All right, well, we mentioned the community. We have awesome free weekly calls for anyone to tune in and pick not just our brain but the brains of the community. Yeah, people go into the exact same
thing. If you struggle finding a home a community a sense of belonging is an awesome place to just first just for an hour a week feel like, okay, I'm not the only one struggling right now. Yeah, not the only one who's feeling crazy. It's a great place to do that is we've got plenty of past episodes. Tick tock has been our really our way of getting messages out. So if you're not following us on tick tock, check us out there at Tufo underscore couple. We touch on a lot of things we don't
touch on here. It's kind of like a supplement to the podcast, like some quick hits on stuff. It's a fun place to catch up some cool content. So check us out there. And I guess that's it. I'll see you guys next time. I imagine I will see you soon.