Gaslighting

wheels fall off. I'm Matt and thank you for joining us we needed this tonight I think it's been a weird week. Yeah, it has incredibly weird week. So we're recording on Sunday back to our usual day. So I guess we're three or four days removed from this. Um, we live in North Texas and we've grown up with like tornado watches and warnings and tornadoes. So that's like a normal night, Dan, near this time of year. Yeah, nothing crazy. Thursday night

was one of these nights. Like it was really humid, really hot and storms are kicking up. And about 930 We're laying in bed. And the kids had their cousin over. seemed like a pretty normal night and then the storm start kicking up we heard the loudest crash we've ever heard in our lives, and then followed by this huge boom of thunder. And we've heard this one other time. It's lightning, like really, really close lightning. This happened a few years ago. This is a funny

story. I'll tell really quickly. I'd say it's funny. It's not really funny. Jeez. Our neighbor had a birdhouse a bird out like a bird hotel was more than a big big bird house. It probably held like 20 birds in it. And we heard that same sound and it was on an aluminum pole and lightning struck the birdhouse and it exploded disintegrated and rip the bird families went with it. But there are pieces of this thing everywhere. But this

was the same exact sound. So when we heard it, we looked at each other the kids ran downstairs like oh my god, what was that? I went outside to check looked around didn't see anything weird. And then another round of sleep immediately. No, there was a tornado warning. Oh, that's true. Yeah, this that's a big part. There was a tornado warning in our area. So there were some rotation going on north of us. And we're in North Texas when tornado warnings happen. You know what we do? We

go on the porches. We look outside, look around. Where is it? No. But we had the kids here. They were in the living room and it was getting to a point where it was kind of funky outside. So I decided to start putting the kids into the pantry. One child, our son was actually having kind of a panic attack. Break down, man, I was pretty calm. But the girls were okay. And they were in the pantry. And then what happened? So another round of storms starts coming through and it

starts to rain really hard. And I noticed a bunch of cars driving like in the street. I'm like, man, it's summertime, teenagers. Maybe they think it's funny to drive and hail. I don't know. It was just really odd. And I was kind of getting irritated. I was like, What are these guys doing? So open the front door. And about that time I hear sirens and I think they're tornado sirens. So you're like, all right, there's a sirens which I really hear sirens from here. No, so that

was weird. And then to my right, we have a tree line that separates our house from our neighbor's house and I just see like this glow. I'm like, What in the world so I run out into the driveway. And then I see it and our neighbor's house is in flames. I mean in flames like this. It's the scariest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, so I ran outside the girls got out of the pantry y'all this is in the middle of a tornado warning

still. Keep that in mind. And the girls ran outside and then they start screaming crying because we're seeing this glow and then these are starting to come like towards our house. So I'm like alright, you know what, I gotta get these kids out of here. Yeah, so So Paige, because at this point our house was in danger as well. Like there were flying hot embers landing in our yard in the trees next to the

house on top of our house. So Paige took off I decided to stay back and direct any firefighters toured our house if it started to burn as well, but I mean an incredibly emotional and traumatizing experience truly like we're still rattled. Our nerves are still really wrong. Yeah, the house is a total loss for neighbors, man. I mean, our hearts go out to them. Yes, everyone got out safely. Thank goodness Yeah, they should have started with that. They got out safely. Everything's okay.

They even got ours out of the garages but they didn't do anything else. I just sat there across the street with our neighbor, and just in this tense silence just watched the home go up in flames. I mean, there was nothing they could do. The fire department got there really quickly, but this thing was just had so much fuel and the wind was so fierce. Oh my gosh, even this even though I mean even the rain and the hail couldn't stop it. I

mean, it just engulfed it. I mean, this is and it's the most unnatural thing in the world to watch a four year old home or five year old home up in flames, like you think to yourself, like, oh, I have a new home. Maybe there's some like materials in it that make this like, not so bad. Like, this is the thought I was having in my mind, like, newer

homes don't do this. Like it's so unnatural to watch this like old structures, you see it, you know, like, but when it's that close to home, man, it shakes your sense of security, like you would not believe it. Like that first night, we only slept a couple of hours because I think the fire department didn't even leave almost three in the morning. And then another hailstorm hit like so disrespectful of the

weather. Yes, it was after all of this, like another hailstorm rolls through and like wakes us up at 233 in the morning. And you know, got to work the next day. And it's just this awkward, weird feeling like you feel like you just want to cry. I think you ended up having that moment where you just like broke down. I did my adrenaline went away. And I was just emotional. Yeah, like hit me like super charged on adrenaline for a while. That's right. Like the whole next day was just adrenaline.

And then the following day, there's still just like this weird tension. It's just like, Oh my God, I don't know what to do with this energy, it feels so it's sad. And it's scary. And it's just feels horrible. But we're a few days removed from it now. Today, we dropped the kiddos off at summer camp for two weeks, two weeks, they get to go to camp, which means that we are kidlets for two weeks, which around here is we don't know what to do with ourselves that okay. It's sad because we

miss them so much. But it's also really cool because they get to be independent from mom and dad and make decisions on their own. We think it's really important for the growth that we've talked about this. Well, we have we have, um, but it's the coolest part about it is that when you come home, your home is exactly as you left it. That's weird. It's a weird feeling. But what did we decide to do? So last night? Oh, yeah, so we dropped them off. So we dropped them off about three and

a half hours from home. And we had this long drive back. And I think it was at some point maybe this morning, we mentioned it in jest like, hey, we could we could just go up to like, up to Maine and just like hang out and we kind of looked at me like, that sounds like a great idea. Actually, that sounds like just what the doctor ordered about, you know, after everything we've just kind of been through. And then on the way home, I guess we

had intermittent service. So it took us forever to book this thing. But we actually did we booked a trip. So we're gonna go up to Maine for a few days, we've got some work that we're going to do. We've got some modules to build more to come on that later. But we're just gonna get some time away because our nerves are shot. And we're in a weird space after all that. I mean, that was tough to go through. I mean, really tough. I mean, I know it's much tougher for them. I don't. Yeah, I don't

mean to make this about us. But, man, it was incredibly tough. And the kids are traumatized. And I'll probably be scarred for the rest of the lives after saying yeah, our daughter slept in our bed that night after because she was just afraid. It was just kind of a triggering moment when it started getting dark. She was thinking oh, you know what if it gets storming again and you know, catches on fire the next night or the night after, well, it just that she

was just kind of scared. So we were like, alright, you can you can hang out with us. That's it. Yeah, this time understandable. And this this next week, we've just got this oppressive heat headed into the area, like today was okay, it was 92 or 94 degrees, which isn't bad. But when the humidity is as high as it is, it feels like it's 105 out every day. Yeah. So we're disappearing to the land where it's 70 degrees every day. Yeah, for a high. Yeah, that's crazy.

Enough about us and our wild few days, I'd like to actually transition over into what we're actually going to talk about today. That will be helpful for our listeners. I agree nothing about me. It's always about me. Well, that's fitting for what we are discussing. Hey, so before we get started, though, because I haven't even asked you this really where did the topic for this episode come from? Oh, from our Tufo community. Oh, okay. Someone had asked it in there. Yes.

Interesting. Yes, this episode is about gaslighting. And gaslighting has become like the buzzword of social media over the last year or two. I think, like on Twitter, it's guaranteed anytime I hop on Twitter and I see anyone disagreeing with someone else. They get called the word gets thrown out there. You're gaslighting me. gas lit or gas lighted. I don't know. What's the proper term? I don't know. I looked it up and it really didn't give me an answer.

I guess the person doing it would be the gas light tea, like gas lit or I felt gaslighted What do you say? Call whatever you want. Okay, I'm just asking if you knew no, I don't know. I don't know. But I do know that it's misused a lot. I do know that too. So what is gaslighting? It's, this is the the definition of gaslighting is the subjective experience of having one's reality repeated, repeatedly questioned by another. And the term comes from film. And I just learned this

actually. The other day. I didn't even know this but it came from a film in 1944 American film called gaslight, which is a remake of a 1940s British film. But as much as I understand about the movie, it's an older man and a younger woman who's essentially denying her experiences and invalidating her feelings about it. And he's in a position of power and he is essentially abusing her manipulation. It's emotional

abuse is what it really is. But in 2022, The Washington Post described it as a trendy buzzword that is often used incorrectly, by people referring to simple disagreement that don't meet gaslighting historical definition. And this has actually led to experts being concerned about the term becoming diluted and I think that we're we've arrived at that point, because so many people will say that I'm being gaslighted. And I'll read more

into this or listen more. And I'm like, That's not quite gaslighting, that person just disagrees with you. And they don't like the same band that you like, that's not the same thing, right? There's a heated argument. Like you really do have to break it up, break it apart. So guess what distinguishes gaslighting it is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self doubt and confusion and their victims mind. This is truly a form of psychological manipulation is

not just disagreeing. And typically what a gaslighter is doing is they're they're seeking to gain power and control over another person by distorting their reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition. It's like, they're making you question the very fiber of your being and like, Oh, my God, like, was the remote on the table 10 minutes ago. That's what we're after. We're not just talking about hey, I think that Jimmy world's a terrible band, and I'm like, no,

they're great. I love their older stuff, man, you don't understand it's not that it's not the it's not the barista getting your your name wrong on your coffee and saying, Well, you told me your name was Carl, but you're saying your name is Kevin. But and then them saying but you said Carl that's not gaslighting, right. That's just a simple disagreement. That's not the same thing. That's just a disagreement what distinguishes gaslighting, and this is a repeated pattern over

time. That takes place. Usually it's not one event, it is like it's a pattern. Yeah, years of events. Yes, that take place. It's not just one thing, right? So this is interesting because and we couldn't find real firm data on this but in our world of addiction and codependency and the you know, the intermingle ment of these two people and these two parties in a relationship, there's a lot of

this that goes on. And I was curious as to how much of this is actually caused by the addiction and wanting to cover up the addiction and how much is actually part of where this usually comes from, which is narcissistic personality disorder NPD, which is this is a an earmark of a narcissist. a narcissist is gaslighting. They often do this. And we can get

into that another time. Yeah, we're not going to touch on that part we're going to touch on because that's ex addiction relations, because that's the new buzzword of 2023. Everyone's a narcissist. Now, everyone's a narcissist. It's just not that common guys, we just don't quite understand what it means we're gonna dig into that soon. Oh, social media. Oh, I've already I've kind of already missed a

segue into this. But we had the we asked the question on social media a few weeks ago about what's going on with men these days. We went from sorry, we're on all over the place today. My brain is short circuited. No, this is great. Good. We asked a question on social media. What's going on with men these days? So I don't know a whole lot of single people, but I know some really amazing single women. And I'm not saying

that in a reverse way. I'm saying that in a way that I'm like 10 years ago, these these women wouldn't be on the market what's going on? And so you ask questions like, what's up with that in their answers are very strikingly similar. So similar. So there's something to this that I'm we're currently digging into. Yeah. And I want to get the bottom of it. And there's going to be a really interesting episode to come off it. Yes. So stay tuned for that. We've got a couple of things in the works.

We've got the narcissist episode in the works. We've also oh my gosh, I've got like other ones. We'll talk about five or six as well. Or you got Yeah, bunch of these things and a lot going on. But that was that was so interesting. It was going to be really fun. And I just I didn't want to leave people hanging on that cuz I think a lot of people have even messaged us like, Hey, what's that one coming out? Because I want to know more about that. Yes. And like, I

It's gonna be so exciting. But anyway, um, I was a gaslight tour. I guess. Gas lighter. Gas lighter. Yeah, slider. I did this for a very long time. Yeah, but I didn't know what this word meant. And I didn't know what you were doing. I didn't know what I was doing either. I thought that after the fact I was like, Oh, crap, I was

totally doing that. Yeah, so we're in this episode, we're going to talk about like examples, and then what does it look like within an addict and then how you can actually handle these situations in your relationships? What did it look like for you? I want your experience now. Not what I say, what was your experience with me when I was doing this to you? Okay, um, I'll think of the times whenever I would ask you about, where is the money coming? Going from our account?

Oh, god. Yeah. So you would lie? Yeah. And I would play with and you would play these games? And sometimes it would be like, No, I don't know, you know, maybe you looked at it wrong or something. I don't know. It's just you kind of you would spin it a lot. I would try to get really creative with the mathematics and just convince you that like, You're crazy, like, everything's fine. What are you talking about? Yeah, I remember doing that, like in this desperate attempt to keep

my lie intact. I think exhausting is that that's the reason I don't do drugs anymore. I try to keep all of the things straight that you tell people but I guess one example that I can think of, here's a really screwed up part about this. And it's like, even tough for me to talk about because it's it's hard to, to come to terms of what I did to us psychologically, though, like that's, that sucks. That sucks. I did. The the fallout from it.

And gaslighting someone and what that does to them and their self esteem to make them question their very reality. That's sick. And that is stuff that I had no clue that I was doing. Like, I just thought I was just covering up a lie, you know, and I was just not this. I wasn't like so much conscious about it, I guess, to say I was just really, really sick and trying to cover myself up. And I think that

addicts do this a lot. And so I don't know how calm and like we couldn't find the day like How common is gaslighting with addicts? But I think it's really effing common. Yeah, I think that I know a lot of addicts. I'm talking. I've met and talked to and worked with hundreds, if not 1000s of people over the years. And we all do this. We all do this to some degree. So I just I kind of wanted your experience on that. So like, what are some examples of this?

Okay, so like you've already said before making you question your reality. I know you've, you've said that a lot. But you did that a lot within our relationship for sure. I'm trying to convince you that a problem is not a problem. That's another thing. Like there's a lot of times that I'd be like, No, this is a problem. And you'd be like, that's not a big deal. This is fine. Minimizing. We're good for sure. Yeah. Like I mean, it was that happened a lot. Reverse victim offender. So

basically victim blaming. Yep. Lying even when there's proof that has to do with like the money thing I was talking about, like, look, there's money missing, like what are we doing? Projects their own behavior on you? I don't really remember you doing that specifically. But I don't know. It's really hard to tell when people are no, I would totally do that. No, no, no, no, no, this is this was no I did do this. This is what it looked

like, though. You remember? So as you are like frantically upset, like, I know something's up. I know something's up. I would basically convince you like, listen, you're manic like do you not hear yourself? Like you're crazy. You're keeping track of all these transactions? Like you're obsessed? You're crazy. That's what it looked like. You remember that? Is that sound familiar? Now? Yeah, that's, that's what that is. Thank you for that. So I was crazy. projecting my stuff onto

you. Yeah. And then telling you you're imagining things. Oh, all the time, man. Yeah, I know, a lot of people deal with a lot of this stuff. Yeah. And like, at its simplest form, what gaslighting really is it's to say, there is no problem the problem you perceive is not real. And to the extent that there may be a problem, like I'll give you that you're the problem. That's what it really that's, that's gas.

Yes. And a lot of people that reach out to me with that are codependence are, they're struggling with an addict in their life. They're constantly saying, I'm being blamed for everything. And I'm tired of being blamed for saying crazy because their instincts are telling them I didn't do anything. But then they start questioning their reality like, Well, did I do something? I don't know. That's where it's like, okay, something's wrong. Something's not right here.

Yeah. And like we mentioned, this is an earmark of someone who has a narcissistic personality trait, but addicts I think, fall into this weird gray area of narcissism. I don't know what you even call it. But I know that I took on a lot of these and I'm not listen, I've never been diagnosed narcissistic, I'm, I've taken many tests, because I'm curious myself. I'm not a narcissist. But it is a spectrum, right. And

everyone has degrees of it. And I think that there's something about living in addiction, and when your mind has been hijacked that way that you take on a lot of the attributes of someone whose full blown narcissist. Yeah, so which is pretty much I mean, we kind of covered all that. Yeah. And so what I would do, like you've mentioned denying or minimizing the addiction, so just downplaying the severity of it. Yeah. For me, it was the you didn't even

know it existed. So I just completely denied his existence. And just basically you had to in doing that, you basically had to come to terms with Okay, well, if he's not on drugs, and he's just an aihole Yeah, this guy's just work for us. It just Sighs he just saw I said, that's for so long. Yeah, making you question your observations. Like you're off today. Like, you're slow today, like, what's up with you? And like, What are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine. I'm tired or you know,

making stuff up. But you were right on the money. By the way, you were always on the money. Trust your instincts. FML Yeah, so addicts also shift blame on to other people, and we make others feel responsible for the addiction, or its consequences. It's just, they avoid. Like I said, there's like this weird gray area where like, we're trying to avoid personal accountability, which is something else narcissists do but for me, it was in order to keep the guys going in order to

keep this going. Because if I got caught, it had to end and then I had to face a lot of hard truths about myself, which is the difference between someone with full blown narcissism some with addiction. We also manipulate emotions. I did this all the freaking time. Just using emotional manipulation tactics, like I described earlier about making you feel like you feel like crazy for raising concerns about these really, basically what in the world was that means I got an email.

Turn it off. This is real life. This is real life. This is this is. I don't know why that freaks you out. We're, we're like the one take podcasters. So like what you guys hear is unedited. Yeah, but And here's the thing, though, if we we do that, because if we stopped right now, and we started over, we would forget what we've said. And then it would be a total stream of conscious I want the real conversation, the odd like, we're all about authenticity.

This is what you get with us. We don't go back and pull stuff out ever. I've never done that in a podcast. It just is what it I think we've moved things around. Have we we did something one time, but it could have been like, because there was some stupid that happened in the background. The dog probably no, but the dog is fine. Whatever. Okay, well, this is genuine. we distort facts or events as an act. I did this all the time. I would manipulate facts, which is like, that's a loaded term,

isn't it? Because if you're manipulating facts, aren't they just not facts? You're just lying? Yeah. So another way to say this is we just lie. We lie a lot. We make it really hard for other people to hold us accountable. We are masters at avoiding accountability in any way I could do that. So it okay, we've got more weird noises. Now. I think there's fireworks. Oh, these are fireworks. Okay, well, if you can hear fireworks in the background forgive us. But it was always a way to keep

the lie going. So it was always desperate effort to keep this going. So this is something that we the obvious question, this is like, okay, yeah, I get it. I relate. What the hell do I do about this? What do I do? Paige, what do we do? Well, first recognize the behavior, which is kind of hard to do sometimes. Because if you've been beat down for so long, you're like, I don't know what's right or wrong

anymore. But it's the first step to like, look at it, you know, understand the manipulative tactics that are being used, or that they're not your fault. And they're just meant to undermine your perception of reality. This is something that's tougher when you're dealing with someone who's just a narcissistic personality, is that it's not as apparent when they're doing it. But when an addict is doing Yeah, you have signs because you know, they're using right so you know, what the abuse can do to

their mentality, right. So if you know they're using then what's the next one? The next one on your list? Oh, trust your instinct. Oh, if you know they're using trust your instinct. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, you are correct. You're right. Your feelings are valid. Don't make them think don't let them make you think they're held your own truth, even if they're trying to convince you otherwise. And they will, because that's what we deal with all the time with y'all. Yeah. Seek support, talk to your

friends or family. Sometimes you need to get an objective perspective. And somebody who's going to listen to you because when you share your experiences with someone who understands they can help validate your feelings and give you the strength to address the situation. The Tufo community is a good place to get this very, very, very good community. This is places where you get validated. Absolutely, that's what it's there for y'all.

That's what it's for. Yeah. Because a lot of people don't know they're being gaslighted until they talk to somebody else. And they're like, Oh, that's not normal behavior or yeah, you're you're not crazy for feeling the way that you feel right? Okay, number four, this is something that I do is maintain a record. So keep a journal or document incidents that you where you felt felt like they were gaslighting you and include the dates, the times

your specific examples. This is like it is going to show us evidence for the behavior. And it's for me it was to help maintain clarity. I think, to validate my experience, like when the doubt arises, that was the most important part about maintaining the records such a good idea. It's not to throw it in somebody's face and say, hey, look, because that ain't gonna work out with people who are

doing it. It's a way to recall the events and be like, okay, I'm justified, justified like I'm these my feelings are valid. I'm not crazy. But like I said, if you're showing this to somebody who is mentally unstable and who's doing this to you, they're just going to spin you around and make you feel even more dumb. So that is the difference between a scuze us is the difference between someone

who is narcissist and not. So a narcissist will once you tell them your experience, they will invalidate your experience they will say that is not your experience. That is not what happened. That is not true. That didn't happen. This list helps you maintain clarity that these things events occurred. All right, and you have dates times you have whatever. If you tell them these things happen, you know what's going to happen?

Nothing. Yeah, they will continue to spin a web of lies and make you think you're crazy, right? A sane person would they would hold space for you, at the very least to say, Okay, I understand that you felt that that was the way your reality was, and I can respect that. Yeah, that's what a sane person would do. Even if they disagree with you. They would give you that. Yeah, a narcissist and addicts most likely will not.

Yeah, it's tough. Another thing we can do here, and we've talked about this more times than I can count now is setting boundaries here, establishing clear boundaries with the gaslighting to communicate them assertively. I just manage their behavior is unacceptable. It's all you can do. Like, listen, you're not going to change the way that they are with a boundary. It's to protect you remember, we went back to this and the boundaries episode was, boundaries are

there to protect you. They're there to protect your sanity, so that you don't feel like you're losing your mind. Yep. But I don't expect anyone to just change their ways. And like, oh, since you brought that up, you're right. I've been doing this to you all along, you got me. That's just not the way this typically works. It's unfortunate, but it's true, but set boundaries to protect yourself. Let them know that this behavior is unacceptable. And that you will not tolerate

it. And just be consistent in enforcing them. Like make sure that they're enforceable. Practice self care. We've got man the you know, what's crazy is that the remedies for a lot of this stuff is the same. Yep. And this, this comes up all the time practicing self care. So engaging in activities that promote your well being your emotional well being. practice mindfulness, engage in hobbies, what do you really like to do? therapy or counseling, seek

professional help. Prioritize your self care, it will help you build resilience and maintain a strong sense of self. That's the point of self care. I you you don't lose yourself when you're working on yourself. You can't it's impossible to do it. I love that. It's true, though. Like you can't forget yourself and how much you matter. If you're working on yourself. Yeah, it's like, why am I doing this? Oh, yeah, because I effing matter. That's why That's why we do it.

That's why you get out and you go hiking, because you love hiking, or you like gardening or whatever it is that you'd like to do. Prioritize yourself, because you are being gaslit, to feel like to believe that you don't matter gaslighted, I don't know, we'll get to this. I wonder how many times we've said it and changed it. As mentioned previously. The next one we've got here is seek professional help if

needed. So this is an incredibly tough thing to live through, were doubly tough, and it comes up. And it's not just unique to an addict relationship, it's you it's not it happens with people who aren't necessarily addicts, some people just have this type of personality. And this is one of the things that they will do. It can also occur in the workplace, which is one of the toughest places it can occur because it's allowed to occur because of the hierarchy that exists. And the subordination

that exists. This happens, and I've seen this happen in the professional world. It's difficult if this happens, the professional world man, like, what are you going to do? You're gonna go tattle on your boss and see how that goes for you. Right? Like, it's really, really tough. But anyway, so seeking professional help, therapy. Counseling, I would, I would lean more toward that I would stay away from like, like, we're not going to be able to help you

with this necessarily. Like we can help you with the self care piece of this thing. But when it comes to like, how do I deal with the mental gymnastics that I have that I flow through every single day trying to feel like I'm valid, like that's seek a professional and get their help? Because this stuff's very difficult. Like in the workplace, you can go up to someone after the fact after a meeting and tell them like, Hey, I saw what happened. I want you to know that you're not crazy.

And your feelings are valid. That's exactly what happened the way you described it. The way that that person just spoke to you is unacceptable. You can validate people, but that person is going to have to live with that. Like, I urge anyone who's dealing with this to get help. This is what you had done. And this is what I had done in the same situations and it helped me a ton. Yeah, it's it's invaluable. Like this last one. This last one is great, man. This is where this is my first one, right?

Consider ending the relationship. I don't mean to demean that. But let's just listen to everything for the last 30 minutes. We've just walked you through. This is what you go through consider ending the relationship. If this continues, despite your efforts to address it, if they choose to keep doing this, nothing will change. Nothing will change. If this is causing you significant harm, it may be necessary to distance yourself or just in this thing.

I just, I want everyone that comes into contact with us to know how incredible they really are, how amazing they are, how valid they are, how special they are. And I wish that everyone would know that I wish I could just plug them into my brain for a moment so they could see them. So they could see themselves the way that I see them. When I talk to them. I interact with them. You matter, dammit, Quit letting these people treat you this way. And I know that's easier said

than done. I don't I don't mean to make that sound like it's just like, I know, it's like, okay, you know, I know it's tough. I just I want you to know that you're loved. You're valid, you matter. It's all right. Everything that you've felt is correct. Okay. It's, it's correct. It's okay. It's tough. I know. But anyway, I hope this gave some clarity to this. I'm sorry, I'm distracted by the kid. I just, I totally block it out. You're great at that. I'm not man that doesn't really do

to do. I'm like squirrel squirrel. And I run off and I just chase shiny objects. But here's am on, Ben, it's humid in here telling you but I see this term thrown around so much. And I just I wanted to bring a little bit of clarity to it because it sort of drives me nuts. Because if you've ever been in a situation where you've actually been gaslit you know

how damaging this can be. And when someone's arguing about the coffee thing like the coffee example like that's demeaning to people who have actually been through this Okay, let's all come to an understanding of what this actually is. And let's pick a different term for when you disagree with somebody You're a pain in the ass is a better way of putting it the same. You're gaslighting. You're not being your realness, you're not being gassed. That person is just difficult. They're a pain in the

ass. That's fair to say. But to say that they're psychologically manipulating you to make you think that your reality is is distorted is not what's actually happening here. It's just not so I wanted to bring some clarity to that. I also wanted to send love and support and hugs to anyone that is dealing with this. And you can come to the Tufo community, you can get validated. But I think more than that, there's going to be a lot of damage and wreckage that you're going to have to clean up

with the professional. Yeah, we've also got recommendations if you want to reach out to us, especially if you're in the state of Texas, on a great firm that can help you with that be more than happy to put you in touch with a tailor counseling group. I think that's it, right. Okay, well, we are going to go head up to the northeast disappear in some nice, cool weather for a little bit. Get some awesome work done. And in the meantime, I hope to hear from some of you guys, you can send us messages,

ask us questions. Hope to see you pop in the community. You can check us out on our website@www.tufo.com where you can find some awesome guides. We are betcha pages stop taking on new clients because that got crazy quickly. Yes, we got full very quick. So it's not that we don't want to help anybody. It got full very quickly. So keep an eye out. If it opens back up election. We'll probably announce it on our social media accounts. We'll put in the story

or something. Yeah. In the meantime, hope your day is amazing. Hope you are well. Until next time, I imagine we'll see you Soon