Have an episode suggestion? Text us! This episode from Paige's Perspective discusses the human tendency to care about what others think and the roots of people-pleasing behaviors. Paige reflects on how historically, humans lived in small, interconnected communities where fitting in was essential for survival. This instinct to please others was ingrained as a means to avoid ostracization. However, in the modern world, with access to diverse perspectives and communities, the need to conform to one...
Aug 23, 2024•14 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Transitional addiction or "switching addictions" refers to the phenomenon where an individual shifts from one addictive behavior to another during or after the process of recovery. This can occur when the underlying issues driving the addiction, such as emotional distress or unresolved trauma, are not fully addressed. Instead of confronting these root causes, a person might replace their original addiction (e.g., alcohol or drugs) with another form of compuls...
Aug 21, 2024•56 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode of Paige's Perspective, we dive into the impact of negative self-talk and the importance of self-compassion. Paige shares her personal struggles with perfectionism, shame, and cognitive distortions, and discusses how these negative thought patterns can hold us back. She explores the difference between guilt and shame, offering practical strategies for challenging negative self-talk and embracing self-compassion. Join us as we learn to treat ou...
Aug 16, 2024•11 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Recovery is no doubt hard, but support is not required or deserved especially from the people substance abusers have hurt the most. In some situations, spouses and partners can feel like they're being held captive due to several factors: threats of self-harm if they leave a situation, phrases like "I cannot do this without you", being manipulated in various ways to keep you stuck in the cycle of dysfunction, financial control, isolation, guilt trips, and seve...
Aug 14, 2024•1 hr 8 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode of "Paige's Perspective: Trusting Your Instincts," Paige explores the importance of reconnecting with our natural instincts in parenting, relationships, and life decisions. She reflects on how modern conveniences and societal pressures can sometimes dull our instinctual responses, leading us to second-guess our natural inclinations. Drawing from her experiences as a mother who resisted relying on gadgets, Paige emphasizes that trusting one's i...
Aug 09, 2024•16 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! 90 days is often cited as an appropriate time to commit to something in order to make it stick, but where does this come from? Can anything actually be changed in 90 days? Why 90 days rather than 21 or 300? In this episode we talk time in relation to change and discuss what types of change someone can make in addiction recovery, as well as what spouses and partners of a person with a substance abuse disorder can make in 90 days. You may think that there are h...
Aug 07, 2024•53 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode, we delve into the power of self-control. Inspired by an article on self-control by Steve Stewart-Williams, we explore its profound impact on our lives. Self-control isn't just self-care; it's the only thing we can truly control in life. From managing stress and improving physical health to enhancing relationships and professional success, self-control is crucial. We'll discuss its importance in delaying gratification, fostering perseve...
Aug 02, 2024•15 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we're covering the concept of selfishness as it pertains to acts of self-care. In many ways working toward sobriety can be seen as "selfish" when it's actually an act of self-care that leads to the elimination of selfish behaviors over time. This is true for people in recovery as well as spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts. A person setting boundaries to protect their values is no more "selfish" than someone in recovery doing the sa...
Jul 31, 2024•1 hr 1 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, Paige discusses how she deals with a problem we all face - uncertainty. Whether you are in a relationship with an addict (which creates TONS of uncertainty) or someone that struggles with planning to the extreme, there are several helpful tools and tidbits buried in this episode that will help you reframe your perspective around planning. Support the show Find video clips and full length video from this episode o...
Jul 26, 2024•11 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Are you REALLY asking for too much? Why do so many accept the bare minimum standard for involvement in a relationship? If you are left feeling unfulfilled in a relationship, what can be done about it? In this episode we touch on these questions and many more as we venture into relationship standards and why we believe that asking for an equal partner is not asking too much. Whether you are in a relationship with someone in active addiction, recovery, or a rel...
Jul 24, 2024•1 hr 32 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's Paige's perspective, Paige is covering anxiety and overwhelming emotions. Paige recounts her struggle with anxiety disorder and how she overcame debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, and overwhelming fears. She discusses the tools she uses to break free from anxious thoughts and how she rationalizes "what if" scenarios and shifts to being present and away from anxious thoughts. She goes on to further discuss her experience with being overwhelmed...
Jul 19, 2024•15 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! This is an episode designed more like a charcuterie board than a main course. We discuss Independently Strong because we don't think we've really ever done a great job at communicating what it's about and the value to someone in a relationship with a person struggling with addiction. We then get onto topics that are beneficial to you right here, right now. We discuss emotional resilience and ways to increase resilience through mental frameworks, as well as se...
Jul 17, 2024•1 hr 19 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Interdependence is important in our most intimate relationships. When one partner breaks down, we often find ourselves filling their cup and leaving ourselves empty. This is fine and well in relationships, but when addiction is involved the prolonged and persistent nature of the lack of support will leave you playing the role of both people...carrying an immense amount of weight. It's unsustainable. Rather than relying completely on someone to carry the trait...
Jul 12, 2024•12 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Please just hear me out. The person that sent this to you is not as crazy or out of touch or nagging as you think. I'm not going to try to convert you to anything, I've just been where you are and someone that loves you dearly wants you to know there's a way out. If you were sent this randomly by someone, please listen. Support the show Find video clips and full length video from this episode on YouTube and our other social media pages! On the web: www.twfo.c...
Jul 10, 2024•1 hr 11 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, Paige discusses "fake it till you make it" and the importance of this annoying phrase and how there's actually something beautiful underneath it all. There are of course caveats, and all of them are discussed in this quick pick-me-up episode! Support the show Find video clips and full length video from this episode on YouTube and our other social media pages! On the web: www.twfo.com Online Course: www.independen...
Jul 05, 2024•15 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Betrayal trauma refers to the deep psychological harm that occurs when someone experiences a significant betrayal within a primary relationship such as a romantic partnership and it impacts the victim's sense of trust, safety, and security. Codependency doesn't come close to touching on the trauma experienced by spouses and partners of alcoholics, addicts, or people that have been affected by infidelity, but betrayal trauma does. In this episode we discuss be...
Jul 03, 2024•1 hr 14 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, Paige dives deep into how she moved out of the cocoon phase and discusses timeframe, how she got started, and how fitness and self care really got the ball rolling. In working through the cocoon phase, you will discover that you can do hard things, push harder than you ever have before, and become the beautiful butterfly inside using tools learned within the cocoon phase. Support the show Find video clips and ful...
Jun 28, 2024•15 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss the cocoon phase of healing; a familiar place for many spouses and partners of alcoholics as they process the truth of their lives and relationships and begin to transition. The cocoon phase is important in the healing process or even through crisis as we reshape our identities, rediscover ourselves, grieve, regulate our emotions, learn, and establish boundaries. It feels scary and lonely, but there's massive benefit to this process...
Jun 26, 2024•1 hr 10 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, let's talk about how to budget the f**ks you give just like a bank account. For a spouse or partner affected by addiction, life is overwhelming and things that once garnered a lot of your attention need to be let go - and things you never thought twice about, MUST be given focus and attention. Everyone only has so much emotional bandwidth on any given day, so let's discuss how to best budget your attention and em...
Jun 21, 2024•19 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Compassion is a beautiful characteristic and necessary to some degree in relationships, but there can be too much of a good thing. While compassion is an important and valuable quality, excessive or misplaced compassion in such situations can lead to enabling harmful behaviors, compromising one's own well-being, and perpetuating the cycle of abuse or addiction. In this episode we discuss the importance of compassion, the ways in which it can be harmful to the...
Jun 19, 2024•1 hr 11 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Today marks the start of a new solo segment with Paige to supplement our regular weekly show to get you more help, more inspiration, and more lessons. It's called Paige's Perspective, and it's going to be a weekly message to our audience to provide more insight as to what a spouse's journey is like. This week Paige spends a moment to discuss something that many spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts struggle with - the perpetual thought that my feelin...
Jun 14, 2024•14 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Many times spouses and partners are lost in a maze of issues that leave confusion and trouble answering a simple question, "What am I recovering from? What defines my recovery?" A marriage or relationship with an alcoholic or addict or a narcissistic or abusive person leaves the victim with issues ranging from PTSD, depression, anxiety disorder, "codependency" as Alanon calls it, or a range damage and it's complex. Much like someone with addiction is simply n...
Jun 12, 2024•1 hr 11 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! How much should you focus on the substance? To what degree is the substance responsible for someone's behavior? Is it easier to forgive someone's bad behavior because they're addicted? Should compassion for a struggling addict or alcoholic overshadow your needs for an equal partner, or for honesty in a relationship? With all of the information on addiction that ranges from choice to disease, it's incredibly hard to know what you should have tolerance for and ...
Jun 05, 2024•1 hr 14 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We continue to answer listener submitted questions in this episode and address the following: 1. How do you learn to trust yourself and your instincts again when an alcoholic spouse has crippled your sense of self. 2. How involved should a spouse or partner be in the decisions around treatment (rehab), aftercare (IOP/PHP/sober living), and even maintenance programs. 3. How soon is too soon to start discussing ways the addiction impacted you, the marriage, you...
May 29, 2024•1 hr 18 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We took listener questions for this episode and you can expect to find answers to questions such as: What should you expect when outside life events impact the recovery process, how to handle relapse, can trust be rebuilt after several relapses, is there a point at which trust is no longer on the table, how to handle the shame and guilt that comes from others when you stay in a relationship they don't approve of, how to get what you need out of a partner in e...
May 22, 2024•1 hr 11 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The recovery journey for a spouse or partner of an alcoholic or addict is not as organized as that of a substance abuser and it's far less controlled. Treatment centers, IOP and PHP programs all over the country offer solace to people struggling from addiction and a safe place for them to get away from their environment to focus on themselves for 30, 60, 90 days or more. The spouse has been clear minded the entire time through active addiction, they pick up e...
May 15, 2024•1 hr 3 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Are they serious? Is this normal? How can you tell if someone is really invested in their recovery? In the world of addiction recovery, it's not exactly cut and dry. There are many paths to recovery, and we aren't concerned with how someone recovers, but as to whether real investment into sobriety and accountability are present. In this episode we discuss the many words, attitudes and actions that will give you more clarity as to whether someone is serious ab...
May 08, 2024•1 hr 12 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Exploring the harsh reality of abuse and its profound impact on spouses, families, and children is no easy feat. Often, we're tempted to deny its existence in our own lives, but that's a dangerous oversight. Our vision gets clouded; we shift blame to addiction or other factors, failing to see the deeper roots of the problem. True liberation demands that we confront uncomfortable truths head-on. It requires tough conversations and even tougher choices. In this...
May 01, 2024•1 hr 9 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss anhedonia, or what's commonly referred to as the "blah" feelings of early recovery for both the person coming out of substance abuse, as well as the spouse or partner. We cover the science behind anhedonia as well as what you can do to lessen its effects on your life and get back to feeling better. Many people report feeling "foggy", restless and fatigued, anxious, trouble feeling joy or excitement, and generally numb in early recov...
Apr 24, 2024•1 hr 6 min
Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Simply removing the substance accomplishes very little. The term dry drunk refers to someone that has not done "the work." The work is the uncovering of root causes and discovering the "why" behind someone's inability to cope with feelings and emotions that caused them to turn to drinking in the first place. In this episode we discuss dry drunk as well as emotional sobriety and offer our experience that sheds light on what it takes to move past dry drunk and ...
Apr 17, 2024•1 hr 34 min
