Welcome, beautiful people. And thank you for joining us on till the wheels fall off a podcast by twofold couple. I'm Matt. And I'm Paige. And we're here to inspire others to bring you guys into our lives and tell you a little bit about our journey. over 20 years together, we've learned a few things.
We're going to work toward being the best version of yourself possible. We're gonna dig into building a positive mindset discuss mental health, addiction recovery, improving fitness, building businesses, and insight into what it takes to navigate life today.
Welcome back, and thank you for joining us on another episode of till the wheels fall off a podcast by twofold couple. I'm Matt. I'm Paige. And today we're talking discipline, discipline is not a four letter word, right? That bands get that out of the way. First of all, I think if you look it up in the dictionary, the word punishment is actually in the definition.
And I think when most people think of discipline, they tend to think about it in a negative sense, but it's perhaps the most important attribute to having a positive and successful mindset. Discipline is like this fleeting concept for so many people. They understand what it is, but they can't attain it. It's like, and why is that? Like, people will say like, I have no discipline in my diet. Like, I can't build muscle in the gym, like I can't get to where I want to be professionally like in my
business or my career. I can't keep a relationship. I can't build a following on social media, like I'm posting all the time. And there's no traction. And so I quit, like, I can't, I can't, I can't Yeah, that's not allowed in our house. That word that is a fact that our kids are not allowed to say I can't they can say, I won't. They can say I'm not ready. What else? Like, I'm uncomfortable with that. Yeah, but can't not allow no not allowed. So discipline is a
thought and an action. You cannot think about having discipline and not act on it. If you're doing half the battle, if you're just thinking about it, but you can't think yourself into right action. You can act yourself in the right thinking and the discipline follows, but not the other way around. Yeah. So it's a thought supported by an action. The most successful people in the world and all the successful people, you know, all have this in common. Every single one of them has
discipline. So what is it really like? What is discipline?
Well, I think that discipline is a practice of self control. That's a good way to put it, right. So it's doing the right thing, not the comfortable thing. It's doing the hard thing, not the easy thing, right. So it's showing up even when you don't want to. And as to self realization, your brain is more concerned with the now than the future.
Isn't that crazy? Like the brain? You think it's got your best interests in mind? Like we're supposed to be on the same team here. And this dude is just like sabotaging us daily?
Yeah, and it's hard. You must earn discipline,
right? Yeah, it can't be given to you doesn't come through osmosis.
So I think of like, what we want now that will screw things up. So in laying on the couch, instead of working right, taking a break, instead of going to the gym, scrolling through social media, instead of meditating, when we feel discontent. I've done that before going to bed instead of doing the dishes, eating junk instead of eating right,
yeah, always seeking the easy thing.
Yeah, we're always going to naturally seek comfort. We want to be comfortable all the time. It's a source of pleasure. And the mind is wired to seek pleasure. And that's the
truth. Like you think about all the fun things in life like drug sec, rock, rock and roll like, yeah, yeah,
we constantly want to be in you. We constantly want to be happy. And in this like pleasurable state.
Yeah. And like, with an addict background, like this is so true, like discipline is crucial to my survival, not just like my success, my survival truly. And so like, Okay, I need it because I have to stay alive. But why do we need it? Like, why do most people need it like so? Think of a time in your life when you wanted something badly?
Like you could visualize it, like, you could see yourself at the finish line, and you made your mind up, you were going to do this thing, you're going to work toward it, like what usually happens, we fail. And we fail quickly. And without understanding why or how, like, we can be so resolute in our affirmations that I'm going to do this thing. And then it falls apart. Sometimes I can 24 hours sometimes less than that. Yeah, but quickly, it falls apart. We fail because we like discipline.
Simply put, we fail because we like discipline. So in the context of a diet, like discipline is telling yourself No, no, I'm not going to eat cheese. Like I'm not going to skip my workout. I'm not going to short myself by 10 minutes on the treadmill. I'm not going to give up on what I know, I need to achieve the level of success that I truly desire. Like we failed not because we're inept, or we're dumb, or we're unworthy of our goals, we just lack
discipline. Like, today, I think more than ever, there's a movement like this grace movement, right? And this is maybe unpopular, but like, I'm very much against, like giving yourself grace. And being gentle with yourself. Like there's a time at play, right? There's a time in place. And I shouldn't I shouldn't say that in a black and white context. But I think in general, people take this to the extreme and they run with it, where it's like, don't let
that be the excuse. For every failure you have is that you're just giving yourself grace. That's
where you know, that is an excuse, yes. Where we use it now. Like,
that mindset is what got us into trouble in the first place. facts that like we believe our brains and like, I heard this put, I didn't make this up. But I love it. I say it all the time. So I'm going to steal it is that, like, inside of my brain is a factory and the left side manufacturers bullshit all day long, and the right side buys it. And it's like this toxic little self sustaining economy in my mind where I can convince myself of anything.
Yeah, I think that's one of the biggest inhibitors to forming discipline. But we don't always need to be comfortable. Like, we need discipline. Yeah, we don't always need to be comfortable. Like, there is pain in life. It's part of it. And there's part of there's beauty in it. And there's so much to be learned from pain. Yes, discipline is created by doing hard things. So you don't need a
break. That's just your comfortable brains way of tricking you into taking the easy way out to be comfortable right now. Because remember, that's all the brain cares about is what's happening right now. Doesn't care about your future goals. So do the small, hard things, every single day, each time you think about what you need to do to be successful act on it, and you're forming discipline. It's patience, and faith and your hard work each day, getting you closer to your goals.
Yeah, like your rewards are not immediate. And that's the toughest part, right? So we give up so quickly, because we think we're supposed to get a participation trophy each time we do the right thing. And that's the truth. Yeah. And discipline is an investment that pays off in the future, there's going to be dark days, when you feel like you're not getting anywhere, and your brain will tell you to give up.
I challenge you to tell your brain to shut the hell up. And just trust you're doing the right thing for real. So you're not going to be inspired at all times. Yeah, you know what I mean? I think that there's this thought, especially when it comes to like fitness. I see this more often than not in fitness, I see it and struggles with recovery as well, is that, like we're on this pink cloud early on? And we think that it just stays that way. But like, what's the truth of it? Like?
Like, what's your experience with it? Like, are you inspired all the time? No, never. Right? It's never the case that you're inspired all the time. So what gets you past it?
I do what I don't want to do like I'm doing I do what I don't feel like doing. And usually that will help me get inspired. Sometimes,
yeah, inspiration is almost like the tide, like it comes in, and it comes out comes in and it comes out. Sometimes we're inspired. But sometimes you're gonna wake up and you just going to have the NAS like, Nah, man, I don't want to do this today. Like, I don't want to do this work, I want to put forth this effort. I just want to relax. I don't want to do this. And it's discipline, it's discipline that carries us
through those dark times. So you can't count on your wife or your motivation being strong enough, all the time. You got to build discipline by doing the brain damage. So seek positive ideas and people along the way, but don't expect that feeling to just follow you around constantly. That's when discipline takes over. So when you're not inspired, like when the future looks dark, when you want to quit discipline will get
you to the other side. And what we always find after we do the hard thing, though, is a sense of pride. Yes, that nothing can touch like that feeling that I'm talking about. So it's hard to describe and put into words like it's, it's this feeling that you did the hard thing you did the right thing and you're proud of yourself. Like that, to me is always been the reward for doing the hard things. Yeah, you know what I'm
talking about? Yeah, it's like almost being super confident. Yeah, that's a good
way to put it like it just like it builds that confidence in yourself that pride. Right? What I think that is, it's like your future self thanking you for not listening to the weak voice. It's telling you to quit. Yeah, so that's good. All this talk about discipline, okay, but But how, like, where does it come from? How do I get it? We were talking about it, but how
practice,
then you go, practice,
practice, practice and you will fall. That's okay. We all fall. So you got to think about like, what's your goal? Do you want to lose weight? You know, do you want to build a company? Do you wanna improve your marriage get rich Do you want to get rich and successful? Do you want to help others and be a voice of inspiration? Like, each of us? Each of these have a well worn path to achievement? Yeah, absolutely. Like there's a playbook. Someone's done it
before. For each and every goal, you have most of them and most of them. So if you want what I have do what I do, it's that simple. Oh my gosh. So Matt has been telling this telling me this a lot within our relationship, and it has just stuck and I love it. Like, it's no more complicated than that. You got to seek out someone that has success in what you're after. And learn. Like you have to reach out to them with an open mind. You have to remember that and willingness to listen.
No excuses. No Yeah, buts
different if you had my life, you would you would understand Yeah,
different. Yeah, I'm you know, special, but different. Know what ifs, you know, you can achieve anything you want, if you're willing to form the discipline needed to get there.
Yeah, like never forget, Rome wasn't built in a day like not to say that this stuff like you're not going to become an overnight success, small action over time, equals big changes. So small actions plus time equals change, like big changes over short time, typically equals big disappointment. Yes, unless, unless your expectations are in line, and in which case, you might be fine. But like, if you wanted to run a marathon, do
not expect to run 26.2. On day one, it's not going to go well, if you've never run, you're going to get out there, you're going to trip and fall, you're gonna fall on your face, you're gonna get discouraged and quit. But if your expectation is, this is going to be really tough. But if I get a mile today, I did something great. That is building discipline, right? Just because you didn't, you know, succeed and 26.2 Finishing a marathon in training, you're working your way up. So you got
to take it in little chunks. And the magic is really in the process. You can't create discipline overnight, having a mindset geared toward progress is what makes winners. So now this does not mean cheat on your diet. Because two donuts is better than five doughnuts. Like we don't believe that I don't believe that that's just being a fitness tourist. You're shorting yourself. Yeah, like if nothing changes, nothing changes. We live by that there's a gray area
here. And it requires the use of your brain and your common sense. which I know can be tough for me. And so I'm sure it's tough for some other people. But it What it basically means is that your mindset will not adjust overnight and but you should not stop working toward the ultimate goal of where you want to be. It's like heading true north are never gonna get exactly true north, but if you're headed in that direction, you're probably going to be okay. It's like there's a
posters. We were in school like, shoot for the moon. Worst case you landed on to star something like that. Right? But like, you get it. So your results are what we're talking about. If an action doesn't get you closer to the result, you need to question it. So accountability, this is a big one.
Yeah,
this one. I'm going to try to be gentle here. We were talking about this. She was like You sound really judgy. Right? I'm like, I'm really trying not to. But a lot of people fail to form discipline because they hang the responsibility on someone else's shoulders. I cannot tell you how many people have asked us to help them like on a fitness or sobriety journey, expecting us to do the work for them. And like put the thoughts in their brain somehow, like, don't get me wrong, like,
accountability is great. And I think it's even necessary at certain amps. They're leery but it is not your saving grace that just relinquishes you from all the responsibility. Yeah. Like, do not depend on anyone to make sure you're doing the next right thing to get closer to your goals. Right,
like right, and you should have people you share experience with and bounce ideas off of.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's necessary. Yeah, but that's
not the same as Hey, call me every morning at 4am to make sure I wake up for the gym or text me at noon. Make sure I'm not eating a cheeseburger for lunch.
Yeah, like so in sobriety I sponsor people that think I'm some kind of magician that is going to like lace together the perfect phrases and ideas that are like, going to keep them sober. And that's just not the way it works. Like that's incorrect. Like, I'm nothing more than a fellow addict sharing my experience of what I did. That got me here. That's
it. That's all it is. It's not my job to make sure you're going to meetings regularly or taking action to ensure sobriety like putting boundaries in place like that stuff comes from you. The hard work has to be yours. If so, my sponsor had my sponsor for nine and a half years he has called me one time and it was about something not related sobriety Yeah, told me day one, I will not chase you down. This is your program. You work it your program.
Yeah. And when Matt told me this, I thought it was so harsh the way that he went about sponsoring people. They remember me saying that, but I've learned recently this year, how important it is and how his way works. is worth it and it makes so much more sense to me. They have to form discipline on their own. Yes, they do. We cannot do anything to help others no do that we can be there and to hold their hand like guide them, or you know just a little bit and
tell them our experience. But we can not tell them what to do, because it can become a waste of energy. Yeah, point.
So just listen to what I did. And then repeat it. Like, I'm not your mother, I can't babysit you all day to make sure you're doing the right things like discipline has to come from within so. So it's not about who has the best genetics or who has the best opportunities, or who's the smartest, or who's the best looking or who's the most
gifted, that succeeds. It's who has the most discipline, it's who wants to do the hard work when they don't want to, they do it anyway, it's who's going to grind through uncomfortable task in the face of adversity. It's who wants to adjust their schedule no matter what to get the work in, and it's who's willing to be open minded, who's going to put forth the effort, who wants to call their inner voice of liar and invest in their future, you have to call
yourself out. So anyone can be successful achieve their goals with enough discipline, it's not the easy thing, or the popular thing, but it's the right thing. So your reward for discipline is inching closer to your goal, and closer to your ideal self and the gratifying piece that flows over you. When you break through old habits and start to form a new discipline mindset. Like, like, what's in it for me, like that's in it? Like, you'll get
to your goal? Ultimately, you will, but along the way, like those little wins, got they feel so good. But you also have to be willing to walk your path alone. Yeah, like, for sure. You're not always going to be surrounded by the most supportive people like, yeah, it's tough. Like, sometimes it's your own. Sometimes it's your own spouse, like, it doesn't mean leave your spouse. But it means detach yourself from I guess the approval of your spouse.
You did that with me for years. Yeah, I
didn't. I was on a diet. I used to tease me about it. I didn't care, right? I had a goal and it was hurting you.
I get it. Now.
I did my own thing. I'm still sorry. And I don't need it. It's fine. I'm like in sobriety, you know, you'll find out quickly who your friends are. When you decide to get sober. And you're not drinking around people anymore. You'll figure out quickly who your real friends are. If your family doesn't share the same goals, like that's fine too. Like you can create an altar in your mind for your goal, like, put it on a golden pedestal, put your goal
up there. And when you have detractors, just remember, that's where you want to be. Don't worry about where they're going, that their path is their path. You're after the discipline that's going to get you to yours. Yes. But having said all this, it's not everyone else's job or your job to make sure that you're comfortable. Like this is why desk discipline is so important. It's why it's so hard to it just goes against our natural state of being like, we're geared to be comfortable.
We mentioned that earlier. Everyone's capable of this, though. Everyone is if you're willing to do the hard stuff. We're here with you to like, that's the point of us being here putting our story out there and making ourselves available is that we want to see what you guys can achieve like, this message offends you. Ask yourself why Yeah, think about it, like did something we said get too close to home? Does the shoe fit just right? Do you struggle with discipline? Guess what we
do to this would offended me back in the day, just so you know, but we're speaking get it now speaking
about this in a place of experience, like I've been there, I'm not judging anybody. Just telling you what it looks like on the other side, and what I've learned. So I want to we shouldn't say I we want to help others overcome issues with getting to their goals and forming the discipline needed to get there. So rather than taking this personally take it medicinally. Like, I don't know if that's a word, right? Yeah, it's a word. But isn't the right way to put this? Yeah. Let's
take our message. medicinally take it like medicine, right? Let let it cure a problem. So ask yourself, why not me?
Why not me?
What makes so and so special? Like, I can do this too? Sure. I've made mistakes. But who doesn't like don't let it stop you. And the reason we can talk about this stuff as experts is because first we learned what not to do. So we've been there screwed up in every way possible. But we kept an open mind. We were eager to learn. And we figured it out. We never said it was easy, but anything worth having in life is difficult. That goes true for anything, just about anything.
It's worth the investment and it's worth the discomfort. So remember, if you're comfortable, you're not growing, that's a good thing. If you're uncomfortable, you're growing. I know it feels like it sucks, but it's growth and it's a good thing. Remember that. Also, make sure to subscribe if you haven't already. And leave us a review
if you're so inclined. Check us out on Instagram at at TW fo underscore couple Facebook Look at two fo couple TW F O couple and let us know what you're working on what you need to form discipline with what you're struggling with what you need to be successful interact with us. We want to know what's going on with listeners. So check out our blog also at WWW dot. I did it again, www dot Tufo couple.com And we keep a blog up there.
It's inspirational entertaining at times, there's some good content so, and soon we'll be taking on clients as part of our program and look forward to helping people individually I can't wait to see what people have going on that that we can help them with. So until next time, I am Matt