To complete I think that self affirmations are BS. In so many ways. Self competence doesn't come from shouting affirmations in the mirror. Self competence comes from having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. You have to outwork your self doubt. So what I did in that moment, as I'm looking at who this person said, I was, I wrote down 25 things that prove to me and anyone who knows me that I am who I say I am Welcome back, well come back to another episode of till the
wheels fall off. I'm Matt page and friendly reminder again, if you haven't already, please, if you've enjoyed the show, follow us. We'd really, really appreciate it. It helps the show grow. It moves us to the top of the list when people search things like this so that we can help more people. And you can help us do that. You can assist us in our mission to help as many people as possible, and it goes a long, long way. Also, if you don't already and you'd like to watch people talk, check us
out on YouTube. We are on YouTube. On our Instagram page at Tufo underscore couple, you can find a link tree that has all of the links for all the things we are on all the things now.
Okay, I was gonna give our website that you're gonna add something there because our website has all of the links.
Okay, quick update. Quick update. It's till the wheels fall off. Right, me and you till the wheels fall off. Yeah. Or until I burned the mother effing house down. That was very close, which I almost just did right before we recorded this. Yes, we stuck some new lights in here. And because the last ones are super yellow. Yeah. And I was adjusting something. And the next thing I know there's sparks flying at my face. And the whole house goes. Power down.
Well, you're lucky you didn't electrocute yourself because you know you're not an electrician and you were messing with electricity while
the lights were on change the light bulb man.
I thought you're supposed to turn off the power or at least turn the lights off when you're changing a light bulb. No,
there was a weird wire that crammed up there. I know what happened, man, but that was sketchy. I repaired it. Which is also sketchy. Yeah, we're gonna be fun.
I'm glad you're still alive, dear.
I'm glad the circuit breaker works. Yeah. Okay, so what is new with us? It's been a crazy last week. I feel like we haven't even had a chance to breathe
now. We haven't even it was busy, super busy and great things happened.
It's kids sports season. And so that already wipes out a good chunk of time that we've got.
But it was your sober day. Because for 10 years, yeah. And then 13 Right after that was your birthday, which is kind of cool that he has those two days back to back because we get to like sub celebrate him double.
It was not cool back in 2013 When I woke up and it was my 27th birthday. And I was in rehab.
Yeah, that's true. And I don't even think I got to talk to you that day. Yeah, we did that when I went up there. Yeah,
I was on blackout, which is the means they don't let you talk on the phone, like your first 10 days and treatment or something like that. Right. Let me talk to you. And what's that you had to bring me so I
had to bring you something and you weaseled your way into the office.
No, they told me you were in there and they said, I'm not looking. I'm gonna go out here for just a moment. Your wife may or may not be in the next room. Okay, so they helps you go wink wink and then I walked in there it was Did someone give me help for that though? I think someone did. I think someone's like, that's conniving behavior. I'm like, But what?
I don't know. It was. It was such a matt move, though. And it was great to be able to see you. They were
wrong. Yeah. So last week was super eventful. It was super fun. Good friend of ours, I guess of mine. Really. He's a friend of yours too, though. We had a joint birthday party, which I never really do. Birthday parties. Never been a thing never really celebrated my birthday. But he's like, Hey, let's get together his restaurant. We shut it down. We had some friends together. And it was just it was awesome. It
was awesome. It was really chill and nice to get out and hang out with people.
Yeah, it was it was great. And this last week has just been like a blur almost. It's just been super busy.
Yes. My HSP was very high throughout this time. Yeah. I'm a highly sensitive person. So when I get overwhelmed with schedules and people and emotions and things happening, I'm like, I need some time to recharge. So I think I went to bed at like eight o'clock on Saturday night you did and I slept until about 10 And then I went back to sleep and it was a nice recharge. But something about that HSP just kind of gets in there. You
get overstimulated very easily. I do. Some of you may relate to this, right listen to this, there's a good chance you might be HSPs Well,
yeah, and I can handle it better now, but I have more coping mechanisms and stuff. But still, it's been an it's been an emotional roller coaster.
It's been a little wild man been a little while. So, um, we never run dry for content in the background, we are always working on something we are always digging into one topic or another. And in the background, we are plugging away at this community that we're building. Yeah, super excited to launch this thing should be imminent. Eventually. I would say in the next couple of weeks, this thing
is live. And it's go Yeah, and it's gonna be a great place for listeners to get together and talk amongst each other, as well as interact with us on things that you're working through the entire goal, when we started, this was like, let's, let's help people through our journey. Let's teach people what we've learned. And then more than that, let's connect them with each other as well. I think building the community will be the next piece of this thing that really kind of cements it
into people's psyche. Yeah, absolutely. I want to create people, I shouldn't. It's terrible way of saying that. I want to create people. I want to create a community where people feel safe, and they can talk about what they're working on. And they're dealing with like minded people that are working to the same thing. Done it. And it's just a great place to hang out on the internet, feel safe, and be able to communicate and Bs with people. Sometimes
you feel really alone in the things that you're going through. I mean, we have that still. But a community like that is great to get with people so you don't feel so alone. And sometimes that is just so helpful in any kind of situation that you're going through.
It truly is just to know that like, I'm not crazy, thank God. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I was right. You know, it's great to hearing from someone else that you're not 100% That is actually a great segue into the topic today. Yes. So we've discussed various techniques for creating a strong mindset for developing growth for coping with addiction and codependency and working on yourself. And I mean, we've talked about everything boundaries. Fitness mindset, like I'm going through, I'm
getting stuck now. But I know there's about 40 episodes of really helpful content. Something that I did this week, because I got derailed. Last Tuesday, I think it's been about a week now. I got absolutely derailed by a conversation with somebody. Everyone has someone in their life or when you talk to them. It feels like they have sucked your spirit dry. Like you start to question.
They actually call those energy vampires. There's a really interesting Well, I know
one. Yeah. All right. Now
I'm fully aware I
was derailed as well. Person absolutely wears me out every time I talk to them. It's just, it's emotionally draining and leaves you questioning your sanity? And could anyone else actually be that crazy? Or maybe Am I crazy? See, what are the curses of being so introspective? And always questioning your own self and your own motives? Is that crazy people? Toxic people will make you question yourself, but they shouldn't. Yeah, let's
not call them crazy. That's not nice.
Okay, well, this person, I have the right. We've got we've we've got history, and I'm sticking by that. Okay, toxic people may be in your life, this could be anyone in your life, you name it. I'm not going to get specific about who this may be in my life. But everyone has one of these people that will just leave you feeling drained. And like you've just lost your way. Yeah, I set with this for the better part of two days processing everything that was
discussed. And I had a tough time, I couldn't figure out what was going on. In me, I'm usually pretty good at identifying emotions, I had a lot of practice with the old feelings wheel back in the day. So as I'm going through it, I'm like, man, it's almost like depression. It's like this hollow feeling. I feel, I'm not sure if I'm angry. Or if I'm sad. Or if I'm just like, vengeful, I couldn't identify it. I couldn't quite get to the bottom of it. But I haven't. But I was definitely
off. I knew that that much I was off and that there would be times where I could kind of get back into my normal state of mind. And then my quiet moments, I would I would recollect the conversation and I would get off again. So I spent some time doing something today that we both have done in the past and it is just an incredible way to process heavy emotions. You know, burdensome conversations, anything that you've gone through and it's journaling. Yeah, journaling is an excellent
way to clear the mind. It's it's a powerful tool for processing emotions and any kind of problems you may have. It's extremely cathartic as well. Yes. And you don't have to be a strong writer to journal Yep. I think that I'm raising my hand looking at you. Self professed terrible writer page is yes. This is not coming from me.
No, y'all can tell who writes certain Instagram posts. And who writes others?
It's not as bad as you think it's alright. So writing for me has always just been something that came natural. And I've just always been,
he's an amazing writer. And one day he will have a book just so well,
I just, I've always enjoyed just pouring thoughts out on paper, I used to write poetry and music when I was really young, like I was a 1213 year old kid. And then I learned that I could just sort of write down what was going on in my life. And it would help I have this vivid memory of being like, probably eight or nine years old, and my parents were having
problems at the time. I don't really know what the problems were, I just knew that things weren't great because they were, like going through financial statements. I think they were having financial problems at the time, but it was really scary because I didn't know what was going on and like, sort of attuned to their emotions, and
it was just, it was tough. I remember sitting down and just writing a letter about how I felt like a letter to myself, like a letter for my feelings, and feeling better afterward. Yeah, it was like my first encounter with journaling and just this cathartic practice of powerful holding your putting your thoughts onto paper. I know for most people that this seems like a total ass whip, and no one really wants to mess with it.
I don't think it's necessarily that I think some people go into it not knowing what to write. You elaborate. You don't understand that because? No, I want you to Okay, so journaling for me was scary, because I'm like, I don't know what to write. I might feel a certain way. But how do I put this on paper?
And you just don't know how to how to express yourself in that way. Right?
Yeah. All right. How are you not clicking with me?
I'm clicking. I'm just listening. Geez.
I'm on edge today, Kid
man. The looks I'm getting freakin dagger eyeball. Oh,
whatever. No, I mean, it really is a thing. A lot of people are intimidating by intimidated by writing. Sometimes they may even feel like oh, what if somebody finds this? What if my child finds this? What if my husband finds this? What if my spouse finds this? Whatever? What did my parents find this? You know? It's kind of scary for people to put it out
there. But keeping a journal? Yeah. In there, like an unspoken rule that you just don't mess with someone's journal, though.
Yeah. Was that
for a while because
some people read?
Oh, you're not talking about me? No, I'm not talking about Gotcha. Yeah. Like, what is this about?
That was random that you brought that up? Because yeah, it's I've been betrayed.
Well, I'm gonna go through just a handful of benefits to journaling. And why we believe in this practice and why we think you should try it too. So the first thing it does, it provides a safe and private space. It provides a safe in private space to express thoughts and emotions without the fear of judgment. I think that's the best part about it is that I wrote a four page long journal today, and no one will ever get to read what was in it. I didn't send it to you. No one
will ever find it. It is between me the paper and my spirit. That's it. Yeah. No one will ever find it. Yeah, well, I don't know. He could come looking for it. You can read it. Okay, that's fine. But I'm not gonna look I don't. second benefit is that it helps clarify and identify emotions, which is probably my favorite part about it. As I explained, I was having a really tough time even identifying what I was feeling. Yeah, negative, like positive emotions are pretty easy to
identify. For me anyway. Yeah, negative emotions become more difficult, because sadness can sometimes feel like anger, depending on how you handle anger, right? If you turn it inward, and you get resentful, it's actually a form of anger, but it's really a form of fear. But journaling that
was that just that just like made my brain short circuit.
But in journaling it I'm able to discover this kind of stuff. So it helps me identify and clarify emotions. So just I don't know what I'm feeling when I put it on paper, it's suddenly become like, oh, my gosh, I can see it. So clearly now. Okay, so you everything? Yeah, the next thing it does is it facilitates problem solving. Now, I wouldn't say that this is always the goal of journaling, though, it's not always to solve a problem. Sometimes it's just the action of let me just express how I'm
feeling right now. And this moment, or what I'm working on at the moment, with the understanding that it's not going to get solved today. I'm not going to write some prolific statement here. This is going to fix my life. Yeah, it's more about just getting the thoughts think venting, but it can identify something in your psyche that can help you solve a problem. You can realize things about yourself. Because we can only control ourselves, right? We can't control other people.
We can control ourselves. So when I realized something about myself, I didn't have the decision to take a different action. So it is sort of a way to problem solve, but really, for me, it's just it's about the cathartic action of just writing this stuff out just getting it out in the world. Another thing it does it promotes self awareness increases self
awareness and mindfulness. I like that just reflecting on the experiences and emotions, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your thought pattern and your behavior patterns, things that you do over and over and over. And that's the last thing I think it's really cool that it does is it provides a record of progress. You can go back and look on past injuries and gain insight into how far you've come freaking did that today. Would you find
I've come a long way. And I mean, I'm still kind of complaining about the same things. But you know, it's things that are kind of out of my control. But I am processing them much differently now. It's crazy.
I love it. That's cool. You went back and read them. I usually don't go back and read old ones. Because I'm like, Man, I was always
cringy. Sometimes it's cringy. Sometimes I read it, and I'm like, oh, did I really write that? But it's just yours, though. Yeah. And I know that I'm I know that that was what I was feeling that day. And that's okay. cringy or not, that was how I was feeling I put it down on paper. And I felt better after I wrote it.
So I have a recommendation to anyone that's never journaled and wants to try. They don't consider themselves a strong writer. We all have an inner voice. You know, I'm talking about like the Morgan Freeman that lives in your head that narrate your life. You know what I mean? Sure, we all have an inner voice, you have an inner voice, I have an inner voice. The listeners have an inner voice everyone's got this voice may not even be your own. I
don't know. But that's sort of narrate your life and kind of talk to you about what's going on. Yeah. When I write I, the first thing I sit down, and I do is I sort of just let loose I'm like, well, here I am writing to my journal again. I'm very open. And just like, it may be corny. It may be whatever. But in that opening paragraph, I usually kind of break the ice with myself. And I'm sort of giving myself permission to vent. Yeah. And then I just word vomit.
Yeah. So in a four page journal I wrote today, yeah, the first half page was kind of setting it up about how I'm feeling. And then I just, I just let loose and I just event for two and a half to three pages.
You know, what's wild about this, and I'm going to change it. I'm not changing the subject. But today, we this is when Matt and I are kind of connected on the same brain, we brain waves or brain links, whatever it wavelengths or whatever, is that when we were texting each other, I was journaling and you were journaling at the same time. That's wild. Yeah, yeah. But I
also do a video journal. So that's something that I wanted to talk about, too, whenever you wanted to get back to this, but we were doing it at the same time.
Journal. Sounds way more exciting. I'll get through this. I want to hear about that. What video journal?
So hang on,
let me get through. Okay. So what you're saying, okay, so
Jama fire today. So
as I am writing out, and I'm venting about this, this interaction that I had with this person, I'm talking about how it really like, how did this hurt me? Why am I hurt? What did this affect? Was it my self esteem? Was it my ego? Was it my financial security? Was it you know, my sex life, like what was affected? And so I'm checking all the boxes of my personality for what was affected. And then. So for me, in this instance, I'll just be honest, I've struggled with self worth,
basically my entire life. Yeah, feeling like I'm enough feeling like I belong, feeling like an imposter a lot of the time. And this conversation spurred a lot of that in me. I'm like, here we go. Again, I'm right back down to square one where I have nothing to offer anybody and I'm just a Loon, you know. And that's, that's how this conversation almost always goes
with this person. I shouldn't say always, but just about all the time, 99% of the time, super difficult for me to process because it takes me right back down to that like that. That basal level of just I'm just not good enough. And I've been reminded of again, and right
when you were getting to where you were really feeling your self worth, like it just you get kicked.
Yeah, God was I was on I was on a high school and I was feeling really good about the things we were doing. And then it's like, kick right back down. I'm like, oh, man, here we go again. So I decided to take a different action. Because if there's one thing I learned, and if you're gonna hear anything on this episode, it's that you cannot think yourself into right acting. You can't think yourself in the right act, and you have to act yourself into right
thinking. If we try to think ourselves in the right acting, what we will come to find is that you can think yourself in circles and get back to the same spot. You can walk through the forest and all sudden it's like, hey, then we already passed this tree. You just your thoughts aren't clear. Your thoughts just aren't as clear. But when you take an action, what follows is positive thought. 100% of the time, that's been my experience.
Yeah, we're when I'm off. If I take an action to get myself out of it, I feel and I think better yes. When I have been weird and wonky, and I try to think myself out of it, sometimes I'm able to give myself some pretty coherent thoughts and put myself back on track, but a lot of times just not quite enough. Yeah, I have to really take an action. So as I'm going through this thing, I'm kind of processing what was
said, how it made me feel. And then at the end of it, this is where I get really fired up again. And I'm like, You know what, everything is bullshit. All of that was complete BS. Not one bit of that applies to me or my life, or the things that I've done. No. We listened to a podcast this last week, it was Chris Williamson's podcast. And he had a guy named Alex hor mosey on. Yeah. And he had this awesome quote. And it's about
self affirmations. We've all been told, you know, speak positive self affirmations to yourself every morning, right among the mirror, tell yourself that you're, you know, this, that of the other. Yeah. And I've kind of always felt weird about that. But he put it in a way that he articulated so well. And I agree with him completely. I think that self affirmations are BS. In so many ways. Self competence doesn't come from shouting affirmations in the
mirror. Right? Self Confidence comes from having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. You have to outwork your self doubt. Yeah. So what I did in that moment, as I'm looking at who this person said, I was, I wrote down 25 things that prove to me and anyone who knows me that I am who I say I am, ah, that gives me chills. There's 25 things there, as this person says, that you're not x. I'm like, Bs, and here's why. Here's what I've
done. Here are the 20. And I could have made 100, but elicited 25 things. And what it really did for me was it gave me the self confidence back, it gave me my power back, as I'm looking at, I am who I say I
write, and that's just for you, you're not having to put that into the world and prove it, nobody else is literally for you to look at it in your face to say, You know what I am this that I think that's powerful that nobody else has to say that to you, that you wrote it down in your own words, and you were able to, to acknowledge that I think that's beautiful.
It was powerful. And I felt so much better afterward. And before we get to the video journal, which I think is sick. There's, I just hadn't really, I just had this thought about self affirmations and incompetence, and all of that. So I've struggled with self worth. For reasons that we will talk about in a later episode, that's going
to be awesome. But it's been something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember, from from consciousness, I've struggled with this, and there are some people in your life that will make this worse. We've got a really awesome episode on boundaries that discusses what to do about some of these people. We've got tons and tons of posts and videos out there, and you can reach out to us if you're struggling with it. I'm just gonna speak on mine,
specifically here. But if you're struggling with who you want to be, and not feeling like you're there yet, part of the reason might be about what I from what I just described, which is competence doesn't come from self affirmations. It comes from having evidence and proof that you are who you say you are. So for me, if I want to be who I
am, I can look back. Like let's say that I wanted to be, I don't know, a very successful entrepreneur, I want to start a company that's worth $100 million and help billions of people around the world like okay, I there's no self affirmation in the world that I could screen to myself that would make that true. But if I look at my stack of undeniable proof, I am well on my way. Yeah. So let's say that your goal is to be fit. You want to be fit and shredded on the cover
of Men's Health. You're sitting there thinking well, I'm nowhere close to that yet. But you are Yeah, start writing this stuff down. What did you this morning, I got up at four in the morning. I'd got my water in I got some black coffee in my system. I got my workout in my meals are prep. My meals are prepped, I'm ready to go. You've got a stack of proof that you're building right now that you are going to be that person, boom, but it requires action. So maybe you don't have all the big stuff
yet. But what are the little things that you've done up to this point? Yeah, and that matters to you. Yes, it does. stuff matters, too. Yes, it does. So as I'm going through my list I'm so I go through my list of 25 things and then the last paragraph is something along the lines of I will not let this person steal my joy again. Yeah. Or lest I have to write another journal about it because it's the same thing every single time. Yeah, it is tearing me down. I'm gonna build myself
back up and I'm moving on. Yeah. But I got so derailed with this thing. I mean, it took me almost a week to get through it. Yeah. Man. Yeah, yeah. Don't take those phone calls. That's my advice. Yeah, those go to voicemail derailed
me as well, because you're my best friend and I don't like that. I don't like you to be treated that way. But can I talk about what I did?
I was waiting. Yeah.
Okay, cool. So I decided to, I was feeling really often wonky, and I just wanted to get stuff off my chest. And I And Matt knows how I feel. But sometimes I want the world to know how I feel. But I'm just I can't discuss this to the world. So what I do is I get my phone, and I video myself about how I feel about the situation and it really just and then I would listen to it over and over again to be like, okay, okay, and it
like, it was just a relief. It was only like a minute long, but it was just a relief to hear it to see it to be my vulnerable self in a video. And then I know it sounds weird. Is that weird? No, I don't
think it's weird. I think as a content creator, it's also a great way for you to practice being in front of a camera.
Well, I think that serves I think that's it serves two purposes only what gave me the idea is because tick tock is full of just, you know, weird shit, you know, there's some toxic crap out there that you can listen to. But sometimes I do like to get on and I'm like, Okay, I've got something to say. And it did give me some practice in that, you know, area, but it also just made me feel feel better about what I was going through.
For some people, as you're saying this, I'm like, what other ways have we done this in the past? There are different ways that people can get this through them. Like some people, they write poetry, some people write music, sometimes playing a guitar is a way of oh, oh, do it. This is my favorite excited,
okay. Okay. So, um, oh, I'm typing out and letter or an email to somebody who might be you know, upsetting you or who you feel has done you wrong, but not sending it right. Have we talked about this yet? I don't know. You. You talked about it to somebody. I don't remember what
talk to Okay. So I gave a speech last week at an ad group. Yes. Oh, it was about communication. Right. Which is like my favorite topics ever. Yeah. Okay. So quick detour on this. You're right. This is a so
but I do it too.
This is D really? Yes. The same thing. I have drafts. That's wonderful. So I used to get my mouth has gotten me in more trouble than, Yep, thank anyone. Like, I can be sitting there. I was like, we sent this meme to each other earlier, like sitting there listening to someone who you know, is just like out of their mind. And they're just talking nonsense. And the first person on your messaging, it took you a while
you're pinned on there. So the I don't want to it's got some super colorful language here. But anyway, it's basically your brain talking to you saying, just just let it go. Let it go. Let it go. It's not worth it. Not saying anything. Don't say anything before I know in my mouth is like, Now listen here. First of all, yeah, like before, I can even help myself, like my brain saying, like, dude, just let it go. It's not a big deal. And so with, it's just with some
people, I will do this. And I'm just like, you get triggered by some things. They steal, they steal my, my piece of my power, and I'm just I'm off to the racist. I'm not perfect, right. So this got me in a lot of trouble early on in my career, where I was having to make amends to people like on a daily basis, right. Or emails that I would send like scathing emails because I was super sensitive and I was reading between the lines and I was hurt and hurt
people hurt people, right? So I'm reading between the lines have their emails in like, they might have just said you know, like the the big one that people really pisses people off as per my last email, which basically mean that's like, white collar speech for like, Did you can you not effing read. I sent that earlier. It was something along those lines, you know, where I just missed the email, but what I hear is what I'm reading, and I'm interpreting is that I'm
stupid. And I'm an idiot. And so like, I fired back something like cruel, like, out of place, like completely uncalled for, right? Like, I should just just hold your L and just take. Let the world revolve. Yeah. So I heard a guy say something to the effect at one time was like, Man, I just let the world spin a couple times before I respond.
Now. I'm like, huh, try that. So I started doing this thing where anytime I was riled up or worked up, I would identify that almost immediately, and I would go to an email, I'd start a new email, I would make it out to the person subject, I put it all in there. I would write the email that I everything I wanted to say to this person. And then I would click the X button, and it would say, Do you want to delete the message or save it in drafts? I would save it in my
drafts. Yeah. About an hour later, I go back to the email. Oh, and I'm like, No, team. I'm glad I didn't send that. Oh my gosh. And so then I start to edit and I'm like, Okay, I'm clear, more clear minded now and I can send this but in the early early days, I would have to edit
an email. for two or three times, sometimes over the course of a day or two, before I would actually send this thing, because I was so worked up and like I was just so far off base from communicating on a normal scale with anybody, it was just so offended by everything. So sensitive. So the drafts trick is what I teach. Now it's like just put it in your drafts, and let it sit there for a while. Come back to it an hour with a clear mind and then reply. Yeah, give people your best, not your
anger. Give them your the best version of you, which is not usually the angry version of you,
right. But sometimes it just feels good to put it out there on paper.
It does. It's another way of journaling, because you're like, I'm,
I'm not I've This is how I feel. But I'm not going to let you know how I feel because I know it's not going to get anywhere.
Yeah. And I used to be a victim of feeling like I had to respond immediately. Yeah. And you don't have to do that either. Right? I don't respond immediately most of the time. If at all, I would say, sure. Like,
I like to keep you on your toes.
Oh my god, man. With emails, I used to be really bad about that. I was replying to emails all day all night immediately. Now, if you email me after five or 6pm, you're probably not going to get a reply to me until the next day unless it's urgent,
right? Oh, and what I wanted to say about journaling, too, is that we use very basic journals. Yeah, there's not nothing like we don't use the ones that have, like an activity book is kind of what I think of Yeah, because typically when people get those are like, Oh,
I'm so excited to use this. And then it gets overwhelming, because there's almost too much crap that you're supposed to fill out and have these random feelings whenever I feel like if it's just blank, or just lines, you can really get more creative and just let loose and word vomit. As you say, we should
probably do a video on effective journaling techniques. Okay, put that out there for people. Yeah, I think that could be helpful. So be on the lookout for that. I think that that's something that could come up with that. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Why not? I mean, I'm just sitting here thinking about like, we know how if someone doesn't, let's show him, right. I've been doing this forever. Yeah, it's, it's a great way to
process emotions. And in my case, it was a great way to remind myself that I have a stack of undeniable proof that I am who I say I am. And I don't need validation from especially from this person, but really from anybody, from anybody. And so as I'm going through it, I realized this, but it was, it was free. Didn't cost me a dime to sit there. And I did it on the computer. Microsoft Word. Yeah. And just just went after I've been away, man. Yeah. Since then I stuck it in my recycling
bin, and I deleted it. Some of them might keep around. But that was on an office server. So I don't want it on the office. Let me just get rid of that. Right. Yeah, we're coming up with that thing. But I think this is I hope this has been helpful. I think this is the best explanation of why we believe in journaling. And in a really good way we think anyone who's going through something to be able to
process stuff. I mean, we hear from so many of you guys where you're you're dealing with heavy stuff, and we can't thank you enough for for trusting us and sharing this stuff with us. Yeah. Like this is, this is exactly what we dreamed, like our wildest dreams was like, we could help people what if they trusted us enough to speak to us
about this kind of stuff? Yeah. And we hear from so many listeners, and people that follow us on social media that are reaching out to us about things that they're going through. We may not always have the the perfect answer now. But we're always going to be able to put you in the right direction without a doubt. And first, in some cases might be like, Yeah, I got a perfect answer for that. Some things are really complicated. They're more
complex. And there's really not ever a correct answer for some of that stuff. 100% You can sit with a therapist for 10 years, they're never going to give you the answer. Yeah, you kind of have to figure this stuff out for yourself. Exactly. So I hope it's if you've ever reached out hope it's not too general hope that it's been helpful to you. And I hope that this episode is done anything at all. It's opened up a new coping skill for you. It's unlocked a new one.
Yes. One more thing that I completely forgot to discuss about journaling. Reflections at the end of the day. Oh, yeah, we both do, because I ended up putting this in a guide because a very lovely person that I've been speaking with had given me the idea and you had told it to me as well as writing down at the end of the day, like what have you done? Great, but also where can you work and look at that as an opportunity to grow instead of beating yourself up over what you messed up on? Absolutely.
So
I actually put a guide that puts everything on there and it looks so good. It's so pretty. I liked it.
I started doing this a decade ago. And for me it was it's actually part of the work they gave me when I was in treatment. And it's an AAA they call it a 10 step basically. And it's inventory. It's continuing to take personal inventory when you are wrong. You admit it right away to summarize that for those of you who have Aren't alcoholics, you're just someone who's like, I'm just trying to get better? How do I do that? So at the at the end of the day, I
kind of go through my day. And I think about all the interactions I had, especially those that kind of arise some sort of emotion in me. Like, was that cruel to that person? Like was it was out of line for me? And why didn't I stand up and say something I knew I should have? was I afraid? Yeah. Was I being selfish today? Was I dishonest? Yes, I go through this catalogue of categories. And if I'm wrong, I make amends for it. If it's to
someone else, right. Like there was, I think I might have mentioned on a previous episode, where there was an employee, a new guy that we hired, and I jumped on him about leaving the office at a certain time, I didn't know exactly what it was. But without realizing it, I didn't know that he had already spoken to someone and he'd gotten this okayed right away. And so I jumped on him without realizing this and then come to find out like he had gotten this
cleared. He was not rude to me when I told him, you need to do XYZ, he was very much like, Yes, sir. I'm sorry about that. And so when I found out that he had had this cleared, it broke my heart. And I was like, I was that was wrong. Right. You were wrong. So you admitted it, admitted it to him corrected it. Apologize, made amends. And that's kind of what the daily inventory is about. It was yeah, in the evening, you sit down, you go through your day. And it's like, where was I off
today? What could I have done better today? But you're right, right, do not drift into like this morbid reflection now over, I screwed up again.
No, because I'll tell you what, you're gonna keep doing it worse,
almost 4000 days now. And I don't have a perfect day yet. Right. Right.
It's a good way to look at like your cognitive distortions as well. And where you have, where did you do all or nothing thinking, you know, where did you Where were your perfectionist, look at these as challenges and opportunities to actually do better tomorrow. And Matt does this. He doesn't write this stuff down anymore. But for me, I'm actually going to start doing this because I think it'll help me bump up the growth a
little bit more. And I'm going to recommend others do this as well, because I think it is a beautiful practice to hold you accountable
without a doubt, especially when you're writing it out. Because you will start to see patterns. Yes. It's like, Man, I keep jumping on people for no reason. Let me really explore why I do that. Right.
And this take 10 minutes at the night at night in your room doesn't even take some time. Right, right, just in a quiet area and just reflect on your day. Write it out and see where you can do better tomorrow,
and be totally honest with yourself. And please, non judgmental with yourself. 100% It is okay that you've made a mistake. Like I said, I've been doing this for a decade, and I've still yet to have a perfect day where I just did everything perfect. Yeah, there's always something I could have done better. And when I think about, I also think about look how much you did, right? Yeah. And I take those couple of things that I need to improve on. And I make I move on, I make action, I take
action and I move on. And it helps you grow. It keeps you accountable. If it does anything at all, you're right. The Accountability part is huge. So after you journal, yeah. Add that to your evening routine. It's great right before bed, as you're sitting there. When I'm sitting there, I'm kind of looking at the TV, but I'm not listening or paying attention. I'm just kind of going through it in my mind. And I'm thinking about it. And then I will I use Siri for like everything. She's
my personal assistant. She's your pitch. So I tell Siri, hey, remind me to sin, so and so a message in the morning, if I owe someone an amends, and I'll get them on the phone or get him in my office face to face. If it's something like I could have. I could have held myself in higher regard and not let myself get so down over stupid conversation. I can have a reminder for that, too. I use the Reminders app for everything. Yep. I think it's full of stuff. It's excellent. I
love it. It's my favorite. So anyway, we hope this was helpful. We hope that this has been a learning experience for anyone that's struggled with. I need to get this stuff off my chest. I'm not sure that I will really want to tell anyone about it. I don't want to bother anyone with it. You don't have to. Yeah, you can just journal it. Yeah. And if you have any questions about it, please reach
out. Yes. And we will get a video out there on journaling, journaling, journaling techniques, ways to go about it. Yeah, I think that can be really helpful for people. Absolutely. Okay, so as we mentioned, we are still building out this community, which is almost complete. We are revamping a website. We've got some really fun and exciting things coming. Yes. It's gonna be awesome. It's coming to life. It's coming to fruition. And for those of you that don't you just say
fruition? Okay. Oh my gosh. She's given me a look like that's not a word. Also not sure.
I don't know what that means.
It is coming to be is becoming a reality.
Okay, thank you. I'm gonna write that in my journal.
Yeah. So anyway, this is this this vision. This dream of ours is coming to fruition and it's happening and it's so exciting. And for those of you that have been with us from the beginning, I cannot think thank you enough I cannot tell you how much it means to us when you reach out when you like a post when you share something when you tell us that you've got something from it like it gives me goosebumps and if I've ever seen like, weird when you tell me this stuff I just don't know
how to act. Yeah, I'm so beside myself that like, holy crap. Like, they're they're getting something from this like it's working. I just can't believe it. And it makes me so happy to see people progressing off of something that we built. Yep. And taking what was once our darkest moments and making it into something useful. Yeah, like, truly. And it's just been
amazing. So thank you. Truly, I cannot thank you enough for everyone that has been with us, especially the de waters that are out there and like listen to every episode, they binge them and they go through them and then they they hit us up and tell us they love them. Like that just makes my day when I get those. Yeah, it was the coolest feeling in the world. It's awesome. Okay, so if you haven't already the beginning of show we asked you to please follow the show. And our
website is www.tw Fo couple.com. You didn't say that before
TW fo couple.com. That was just really quick. Want to make sure that everyone gets it, they have to rewind it 15 seconds and go back on the podcast app. So anyway, on Apple, it is top right hand corner Apple podcasts. There's a little plus symbol, click there. Leave us a review be very much appreciated on Spotify on the left side underneath the photo, like the cover art out, Mark. Leave us review there. go a long way. Very much appreciated. be forever grateful to you. You can
do that for us. I think that's all we've got. Right? Yeah. Awesome. Well, until next time, I'm Matt and we'll see you