STOP Neglecting Relationships Outside of Your Romantic One

We're recording this from our very new office space , which is very exciting . And how are you going today ?

So we do want to add some more things to it , like a big front deck , and you know we're just going to take it one step at a time , though .

We put together this episode because we thought it was really important to have a balanced view on your relationships that's plural as a whole with other people , and sometimes , when we're in a romantic relationship , we just forget other areas of relationships that are super important for our happiness and our wellness .

So that's why we thought this topic was a good one for you guys to just reflect on and also to yeah , to maybe challenge some , some of the audience , because if you're anything like us , then we're neglecting some of our relationships and I think , for for us , connection is really important in human beings in general .

It's one of the most important things that we can do is connect with another person , whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship . So we wanted to speak into that today and and dive into that a little bit more , uh , into what that actually means . Well , what are we talking about ?

If you're not part of it , make sure you get on facebook to michael and amy or instagram and give us a follow and then send us a message and we can add you into the group , because we just share some really invaluable wisdom and tips in there and also just experiences that we have with our current clients .

So you know , we are just looking to help people in in different areas , whether it be free content , all the way up to working intimately with us over even a three month period , so maybe even longer . So let's get into the episode , and this episode is highlighting some areas in your relationships that maybe you're neglecting .

So I think for me , I was making these assumptions about being in a committed relationship for a long time and that assumption was that once I'm married and we've got kids and we're a family unit , that I just need to really nurture the relationships within that ecosystem .

And I was wrong , you know , because there were other areas where I was neglecting and areas where both of us were and still continue to um be challenged with .

And you know jay sheedy if anyone has heard some of of his work and maybe read some of his books , he speaks about this and we found it to be really pertinent in our life and I think that sometimes , when we're feeling like there's a disconnect or disharmony in ourselves , we can have a look outwards at our relationships and the quality of them currently , have

a look outwards at our relationships and the quality of them currently , and I would say that you will nail at least one area where you've been neglecting or where there's just been a bit of friction . Yeah , cool . So there actually was a study that was done from .

It was the Harvard study of adult development , and they've established a really strong correlation between deep relationships and our happiness and well-being . So the question is how does a person nurture these deep relationships ?

Because we need to face it that there's this loneliness epidemic that's happening in the world and even though you might be in a relationship , you might be with a partner , maybe you've even got a family Loneliness can still exist . We can still feel isolated , right ?

So genuine connection means feeling seen , heard and valued and it means making others feel the same way , so it's reciprocal . Surprisingly , more than half of Aussies feel lonely and many don't think that their relationships are even meaningful . Only 59% admit to having a best friend and 12% have no friends . Moreover , 57% eat all their meals alone .

Isn't that crazy to think ?

I'm sure um , in amongst that , 57 who are eating alone are probably eating in front of some type of screen , whether it's watching a movie , or um , yeah , like I , there's families out there that , yeah , put on a tv show and the kid eats in front of the tv show because it's keeps them distracted and that's that , that's their choice .

I'm not knocking that , but um , yeah , I guess that's where this epidemic of loneliness and isolation comes from . Even if you're in a family or with with others , it's that your own world . You're trapped into your own little dimension of your reality , isn't that ?

We're feeling like we're connecting with somebody else's experience , but at the same time , our partner's sitting two meters away and they're in their own world of connection at a micro level . But on a macro level level , we're bloody lonely .

We're isolated , we don't know how to talk to each other anymore and we we forget all the ways in which we used to connect as a human being .

So it's , yeah , it's important to start looking at this dynamic in your relationship , to see how much energy and attention are you putting into making an effort in into different areas of your life and with different people .

So so that's what we're going to talk about is the different areas , I guess , of where we can get better at balancing our time and our relationships .

So let's just imagine you've got a garden and you've got a herb garden , and you've got fruit trees and you've got a vegetable garden , and then you've got yourself , and so in order for the herb garden , the fruit trees and the veggie garden to flourish and to thrive , you kind of need to look after yourself , because you're the one who cares for them .

It's kind of like the analogy with the oxygen mask In order to help somebody else , you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself .

So , when it comes to nurturing your friendships and your connections and deeper connections with other human beings , the very first thing that I would say , or the most important relationship that we can have , is the relationship with ourself . And so let's just start with these categories and we're going to start with the relationship with self .

So what do you think about that ? Is that something that you prioritize is your , your relationship to yourself yeah , definitely .

So the house , the you , the kids everything else came first , obviously leaving my cup completely empty and feeling sorry for myself . Ultimately it's like poor me . You know , here I am doing everything but no one loves me .

romantic relationship , because if you're looking after yourself and you're doing your own thing , then does that mean that you don't need me as much .

It's also some jealousy comes into it , but I think overall , once I started to provide time and allocate time just for me this started probably about eight or nine years ago and I really started to dedicate time to me my thoughts about myself started to change and the fact that I was alone with me , I was okay with that .

You know , it was more about solitude rather than loneliness all of a sudden . So I changed my experience of being alone .

It wasn't being lonely , it was really enjoying that solitude with myself , and that included meditating , journaling , walking on my own just reflect reflection practices and contemplation yeah , yeah , so that's one category is obviously the relationship to self that needs to be looked after first .

And I say that laughing , but the truth is , most of most of the time , relationships these days are individuals living under the one roof , and that's mostly the dynamic of what we see in our office . There are two people that have lost their way . They kind of don't know who each other are .

Yes , there is resentment between each other and they don't spend time together as a couple .

We're talking about some focused quality time , whether that's , you know , sitting down and having a cup of tea and a conversation together without the distraction of anything else , or whether it's going out and having a picnic , but that's the time that we're talking about . So , yeah , that's a really important space to dedicate time and energy .

So , number one is self , number two is each other .

So you know , even speaking about some parameters around what this is and how we're going to do it , because most of the time I think we can fall into unconscious traps , you know , which actually don't necessarily connect each other .

And , yeah , you can watch a movie together or something like that , and sometimes that's all you can really muster up if your energy is really low . But that also is a low frequency of connection time because it's not really conversing . You're just really just hanging out next to each other on the couch if you're just watching a movie .

So , yeah , just really framing what that is is important .

But if you've got kids then it's . It's that quality time as a family . You know that's really important to fill that cup of . I see it as five cups you know , five different cups that all need a little bit of nurturing and watering . Um , so that you know , cup number one is self . Cup number two is , you know , your partner .

Cup number three is the family . So it's the same goes . How do we even just half a day or two hours or whatever you've got to dedicate to this space , because I know life's busy and the kids have got this on , they've got that on , but we keep kind of missing each other .

You're out kind of getting jobs done because they need to get done around the house . Then you're not really spending time with family . You're in the vicinity of them but you're not actually interacting with them .

So can you dedicate half a Sunday where you guys just hang out together and maybe you just , you know , book a place to kind of go or maybe just hang out in the lounge room or out in the backyard and get some jobs done together even ?

So it's a whole nother angle of relationships when you can actually share friendships together with your partner . That's an area where sometimes we'll just skip that or miss it , um , whereas other people are really social , you know , and and they just make a real . It doesn't even have to be an effort , it just sort of happens a bit more effortlessly .

But when we're entrenched into our own daily and weekly lives , sometimes we can get into a rut and neglect this area , and this is definitely an area that we would like to get better in , um , definitely in the back end of this year . Just open up to more opportunities , um , especially on weekends , you know , with friends

.

But I feel like again , this , this separation energy of like that's your family is my family , we're doing our own thing , is kind of creeping in . I don't know if that's just in general , but that's how I feel . I feel , that there's this real separation because life's busy , you know , everybody seems to be on the hamster wheel busy , busy , busy , busy .

And then the weekend comes and they've got no energy for anybody else except exhaustion . And I know that mom and dad were busy too , but it was always time for socialization with , with mutual friends . That was always there .

So , yeah , I'm kind of just reflecting on that now because I know we do have good friends and we do catch up , but I don't think it's very often . And I think that to be a good friend and to teach the children how to be good friends and and how to have good relationships with with others , is a really important skill .

You know , it's an important thing because we get that they just follow us and they get kind of happy just chilling out at home doing their own thing , and uh , yeah , I think that's something that needs a bit of um intention behind it .

If it's um a new relationship in particular , then you'll probably find every like . Everything else drops away and it's not important . But to have this healthy balance , to find um that that space within you that feels fulfilled without you know neglecting anything , is , is where all relationships are important .

They're just as important as each other , not just this one that we're fostering . You know , if it's a new relationship or or even if you're kind of refocusing on your relationship yourselves , yeah , beautifully said , the final cup , the fifth cup is time with your friends .

So it's super important to have your own friendship circles or groups , even if it's just one friend , you know , just a good friend that you can possibly have some banter with , maybe share some emotional connection with , maybe just venting about just the crappy week that you've had .

Because if we're leaning on our romantic partner for everything , including emotional connection , and maybe we're getting home and we're venting and also for humor , then perhaps that's a bit too much or heavily weighted towards them and the pressure might be a little bit too much .

So sometimes it's good to balance it out and to have to lean on others , to lean on other humans and to , in a reciprocal way , receive you know from others as well and be able to hold the space for them yeah , absolutely , to be a good friend is actually quite challenging .

Because it's a bit of a selfless act and I , I , to be honest , sometimes I find myself that I would do anything for my friends , but I find myself even in that space of like I'm too busy , I'm too tired , I'm too exhausted , but it's like , yeah , it's , it's that conscious awareness of what it means and I think we drop into , just going back to this

relationship , like the romantic relationship , it I it's . It's an important part to recognize the codependency that sometimes you can foster within romantic relationships .

You can almost become too dependent on each other , um , and I don't need anything else , I've just got you and you've just got me , and if you've got family and kids , then that becomes kind of part of that codependency . Then nothing else matters . But , yeah , I feel like to .

We're all about thriving relationships , and to have thriving relationships includes all areas of relationships , not just this , this little network , and I think a lot of couples and clients that we've worked with in the past , yeah , there's one partner or both partners .

They're actually I don't really have many friends , I just don't , I don't I don't really socialize , I don't really like getting on with other people , but I think there's a part of that human desire or human instinct to connect with different people that make you feel more alive and make you feel more um balanced and more you yeah , expressed you yeah .

Do they improve your energy as in , lift you up and help you to feel better in yourself , or do they actually take away from your life force , energy inside ? Do they actually detract , you know , from your best , most optimal place to sit in ?

And it's worth doing that , because sometimes the people that we're friends with are not necessarily healthy for us absolutely .

So just be aware and conscious of the type of environment that you're in and the environment that is influencing you and who you are and how you show up . And if that doesn't feel in alignment with your true self , then maybe , looking at some questions of , might be time to explore new friendship groups .

Get out there and meet new people and see if there is people who are more in alignment with you and your goals and your values .

That could be any modality , it could just be just being . The second one is time as a couple . So time together with your romantic partner , actually dedicated devices away , just so that you can develop and water your intimacy . Third one is time as a family Wholesome time away from technology if possible .

The fourth one is time with mutual friends , where you have shared friends together , actually experiencing that connectedness with other families or other people . And the fifth one is time with your own friends for connection in a different way . So , hopefully you've got something out of those categories .

What I challenge you to do is to have a look at which areas you're neglecting and which areas you're doing mighty fine . In which areas are you actually kind of naturally dropping into without even thinking of it ? Because the areas that you're neglecting that are likely to be contributing to some level of suffering in your life ?

You know that they , you know there could be um different triggers in jealousy issues , triggers in um you know differences in who their friendship groups , and there's a lot that could cause disruption and um friction in this area , so if that is you and you're struggling to kind of like I can't .

There's no way that I could potentially do that like if I , my wife doesn't trust me to go and hang out with my mates because of an incident or something . So it there's obviously work or attention needed in the relationship to heal that pain or that suffering .

So that's obviously where we can come in and help to get to that , because true thriving in a relationship and true happiness in the self is . We believe it's important to have a balance in all of those different areas that we talked about , all those different relationships .

Um , we do share a lot of content and we look forward to sharing a lot more with you and , with all that being said , we'll catch you on the next episode thanks guys .