Recently I asked a question in an LGBTQ Professionals Group on Facebook. Here’s what I posted: I’m creating a small group mastermind for gay men to explore their unique and vital role in society, and to create meaningful, humanitarian change in the world. Currently, I’m creating the structure and preparing content for the program. But there is one, vital question that will make all the difference in the direction I take. To know this I need your help. Feel free to provide as little or as much de...
Feb 25, 2019•21 min•Ep. 63
What’s the obstacle in your way? Is it someone, some event, or some thing? In every instance the only thing in your way is you – it’s up to you to take the necessary steps that will allow you to pass through the obstacle in your way. What are the things you repeatedly do that are holding you back? These are often the small things like habits or practices that are hard to break, because they have been with you for years, or decades. So what’s mine? The App, Grindr. It’s such a smart app. It pushe...
Feb 21, 2019•21 min•Ep. 62
The expression of human sexuality, and the freedom to have sex with whomever we desire, was a defining quality in the early gay-rights movement, pre-AIDS. How things have changed, and yet, how some things have become worse. Where did this fear of sex start and what is “Sex Panic”? In the queer community, Sex Panic!, was a sexual activism group founded in New York City in 1997: The group characterized itself as a "pro-queer, pro-feminist, anti-racist direct action group" campaigning for sexual fr...
Feb 18, 2019•18 min•Ep. 61
Happy Valentine's Day, 2019! My boyfriend, my partner, my lover, brings me joy every day. Moments of joy is what keeps our love alive, strong, and enduring. It’s not about how much money either of us makes. It’s not about how often we have sex. And it’s not about how he looks. "Love is about noticing joy in the presence of another person."Allan Downs, The Velvet Rage The First Joy I can’t show you a picture of the one thing he does that brings me the most joy. And it’s not what you think you dir...
Feb 14, 2019•14 min•Ep. 60
The basic human fear of anyone else who is unlike us, too dissimilar, or who holds a different view of the world is the original binary. The original binary is the ego versus all else. The binary begins early in life when we learn our name; our identity. Who we are separates us from everyone else. “Ego is a mental structure built on name.” - Laurence G. Boldt We begin to see that we are also different from the natural world, because we are capable of language and intellectual thought. At least i...
Feb 12, 2019•20 min•Ep. 59
Living OUT Leadership for Gay Men “Gay spirit speaks to the vitality that gay men possess, which is palpable but defies easy description.” – Raymond Rigoglioso I believe that gay men have a unique opportunity to openly embrace their unique characteristics – in particular their gay spirt – to bring a balanced, empathetic approach to leadership, and to be leaders of evolutionary, humanitarian change. We might just be the much needed bridge to control the misguided and toxic leadership of “too stra...
Feb 07, 2019•22 min•Ep. 58
What we think is what we intend When we speak our ideas and intentions, our words initiate action, whether that be our own, or the inspiration for others to act. To answer the question above, what I see happening in the world today is that, Words ARE speaking louder than actions. The actions of hatred and violence have always been with us, rising and falling with history, state, and different types of leadership – anywhere from democracy to fascism and authoritarian rule. Currently, perhaps beca...
Feb 05, 2019•27 min•Ep. 57
One of the promises made by the current Ontario PC government was that they would repeal the 2015 Ontario sex-ed curriculum installed by the former Liberal government if they won the election. They repealed the curriculum within months of winning the election in 2018 and temporarily replaced it with the 1998 curriculum. In August a student’s family filed a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Commission (OHRC) about the PC government’s repeal of the 2015 Ontario sex-ed curriculum, claiming th...
Jan 31, 2019•29 min•Ep. 56
In the last episode I waxed nostalgic about, The Good Old Days of Meeting Men for Sex at Gay Bars – LOP054 . Today’s episode picks up from where I left off, talking about the different challenges in communicating with someone on a dating app versus face-to-face in person. More and more I hear people complain about how rude people can be on dating apps. There’s abruptness, racism, ageism, femme-phobia, negativity, and arrogance. Unfortunately, this an issue we see on a lot of social media, and ru...
Jan 29, 2019•21 min•Ep. 55
I was 19 years old and had been going out to gay bars for about six months. It was a warm summer night in 1985 as I leaned against a post by the dance floor, sipping my beer, enjoying the music, and watching the men – the beautiful, sweating, dancing, sexy men. He sauntered up to me with a grin that said ‘I want to taste you’. With a few pleasantries and names exchanged, he pressed himself against me and tried to tongue the pole behind my head through the back of my mouth. Not long after that we...
Jan 24, 2019•29 min•Ep. 54
Today’s podcast takes the form of a meditative thought experiment. An awareness came through me this morning while moving in my fitness routine. My mind was open to the subconscious drip of what I had experienced and witnessed over the weekend. I had been contemplating – without attachment – how to express the beginning of a new perspective. Exercising first thing in the morning is an opportune time for my mind to float like the the air above a body of water. Metaphorically, the air is my thinki...
Jan 22, 2019•14 min•Ep. 53
Praise for Gillette’s #MeToo ad on 'toxic masculinity' What is the opposite of toxic masculinity? I would suggest it is what Ray Rigoglioso refers to as “authentic masculinity” in his book, Gay Men and The New Way Forward , which is a balancing intelligence of the masculine and feminine energies or characteristics in gay men – but something I believe gay men can gift to the word, especially straight men. Earlier this week, Gillette released a video that has garnered both praise and toxic, abusiv...
Jan 17, 2019•24 min•Ep. 52
Dealing with criticism versus personal attack When someone responds with a criticism or attack on my articles or podcast, that’s often a good sign. It means I’m pushing buttons and triggers. Often the critic’s outrage is something they needs help with, but they are dealing with their challenge in a negative way. Other times they have a valid point to make, and it may be something I need to consider. So long as they are only criticizing the message and not the messenger, I’m willing to engage. In...
Jan 15, 2019•22 min•Ep. 51
It’s Story Time… It was 1999, Toronto, and the day after I broke up with my boyfriend, my former ex from Ottawa moved in with us. This would have made the perfect backstory for a gay version of “Three’s Company”. Only this time, two exes become friends after not speaking to each other for over a year. Within 24 hours they both suffer a break-up with their current partners, and wind up temporarily living together the day after. Can you imagine the drama? So get comfy, pour yourself a cocktail, an...
Jan 10, 2019•16 min•Ep. 50
Think Differently with Healthier Thoughts Many gay men, myself included, have at some point tried to improve their physical appearance to attract other men. They have felt that, in order to be accepted, they needed to change their body to fit certain norms and the expectations of others. On one level there's nothing wrong with choosing to change the shape of your body. Taking good care of your body is a positive aspect of well-being. Maintaining your physical health improves longevity, helps con...
Jan 08, 2019•15 min•Ep. 49
In today’s episode I speak with Raymond L. Rigoglioso, the founder and executive director of Gay Men of Wisdom (www.gaymenofwisdom.org) and author of Gay Men and The New Way Forward (Mond Press, 2015). Through his book, Ray synthesized the body of literature that explores gay men’s nature and purpose and created a framework describing gay men’s 14 distinct gifts. I’ve spoken at length about a few of these gifts in previous episodes of the podcast, listed below. What began as anger when Ray came ...
Jan 03, 2019•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 48
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” The intention behind words matters. How a word is used will affect the receiver in communication. Words can lift people up, but they can also hurt when they are intended to be prejudiced, demeaning, or hateful. What about taking a word at face value? Should all words be free to use, or are some restricted to a certain group? Should we just get over it if someone uses a word we find offensive? Words are just words some will arg...
Jan 01, 2019•26 min•Ep. 47
The fewer fears we have the more open-minded and accepting we are of possibilities and variations in all aspects of life and humanity. When we are afraid of the wrath of an imaginary being in the sky, we will be fearful of anything we are told is unacceptable, against god, or an action that will deny you entry to heaven. Radical fundamentalism is one the more extreme forms of the fear of mortality. Believe, follow the rules, become born again, and whatever you do in this life will be forgiven in...
Dec 27, 2018•25 min•Ep. 46
Now is the perfect time to review the events of this past year. What went well for you? What were your wins, moments you were most proud of, goals that you accomplished, etc.? What did you struggled with and why? What lessons can be learned from your problems and what didn’t work out as planned? This is the first step in my ADD Coaching Method (Assess, Dream, Design) which I’m using on myself (because I practice what I preach). “Self-Assessment” is a vital first step in before planning your goal...
Dec 25, 2018•22 min•Ep. 45
Over the last few episodes of the Living OUT Podcast I’ve been discussing the unique gifts that gay men bring to the world. During this process I’ve discovered more about my true purpose – not in the sense that I didn’t know what it was, but as we evolve and learn more about who we are, our purpose may change concurrently. With the coming new year, I’m taking myself through my own coaching process, the ADD Methodology. I’m spending time in the “Dream” stage because I’ve felt like I’ve been missi...
Dec 20, 2018•22 min•Ep. 44
For many people, meeting your beloved's family for the first time can be nerve-racking. This is a rite of passage that most people experience for the first time in their teens or early 20s. This is a social and familial expectation of the heteronormative status quo. But what if you experience meeting your boyfriend's / girlfriend's / partner's parents for the first time at 35 years old and as a gay man? That was the first time I experienced that right of passage with a former boyfriend. In today...
Dec 18, 2018•17 min•Ep. 43
As a gay man, when I tune into beauty I connect with the source that creates life. From that source comes my inspiration, that quality which allows me to create and bring value into the world. Following in the steps of the exploration I began in, Is Forgiveness of Homophobia a Gay Male Gift? LOP030 , today I discuss (in very sensual terms) the qualities and value that gay men bring to the betterment of society and culture. According to Raymond L. Rigolisoso in, Gay Men and The New Way Forward , ...
Dec 13, 2018•25 min•Ep. 42
Viewing the 1964 cartoon, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer through a queer lens. As a little boy I loved the classic Christmas cartoon, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. I must’ve watched it every Christmas as a child, then as a teenager, and almost every year since. Rudolph was my first queer role model and boy was he ever fierce! Rudolph showed a strength of character at a young age. He was unafraid to venture into the unknown and make friends with outcasts and mis-fits just like him. Recently, th...
Dec 11, 2018•35 min•Ep. 41
Our earliest influences that form who we become as adults start with our parents. While I am certainly not saying that my parents made me gay; how I was raised absolutely influenced my identity as a gay male. We looked up to our parents as children. We believed everything they told us to be true. They were our first leaders. We learned how to develop and exhibit our masculine and feminine characteristics based on how they acted within their status-quo gender roles, and in relation to each other....
Dec 06, 2018•24 min•Ep. 40
Gay men can lead other people in a new model of forgiveness through their own self exploration of gay shame. We can evolve as men who understand and embrace the dichotomy of the masculine and feminine energies. As gay men we may have struggled with forgiveness when we first came out. We had to learn to forgive ourselves for the lies people, society, and institutions told us – that we were abnormal, not good enough, broken, or a sinner in the eyes of god. As adults we may struggle with accepting ...
Dec 04, 2018•22 min•Ep. 39
How do you break out of the box you’ve built up around your life that limits your potential? You start with your thoughts. It’s not about being mind-full, it’s about improving your mind-set. If your mind is full, there’s no room for new thoughts. If you re-organize and improve your sets of thoughts, behaviours, and beliefs, you will improve your mind! But you can’t just think about these things in your head. You need to write them down. I talk about this in the episode, How Journaling Helps You ...
Nov 29, 2018•16 min•Ep. 38
Populism is on the rise in North America and elsewhere, but for the first time it seems like we’re beginning to see it’s negative effects in Canada, and specifically in Ontario where the Ontario PC Party won a majority election earlier this year. At a recent annual party convention the ON PC Party voted on a resolution that to me is a prime example of the first real step backwards for human rights in Canada, and specifically the rights of transgender people – and by affect, all LGBTQ+ people, an...
Nov 27, 2018•25 min•Ep. 37
“I’m stressed out!” On a Saturday morning two years ago I was sitting in the bath reading, “Getting Things Done” by David Allen. Oh, right… that's relaxing! I needed to relax, which is why I was taking a bath. I thought I would sink deep into the water and let go, except while reading my “relaxing book on productivity” I got an idea. I quickly grabbed my iPhone to dictate my idea and then got back to “trying to relax” in the bath. Seeing a pattern here? I was so distracted, I couldn’t even take ...
Nov 22, 2018•19 min•Ep. 36
Why purge? Purging will help you to let go of what’s holding you back in life, so that you can focus on what’s most important to you, and spend more of your time and energy working on what you want to accomplish in life. What is purging? It’s a process that helps to increase your, Ability to focus, thus making better use of your time; Personal motivation, and; Physical and emotional energy “If you know how to pay attention, boredom is not a problem." Sam Harris Purging reinforces your intrinsic ...
Nov 15, 2018•19 min•Ep. 34
Faith is passive – Trust is action oriented. Faith is an expectation that what you can't prove is true, what will come to pass, or what you believe to be true without reason or logic. When you trust in the process, when you trust in yourself, you make decisions about what you're going to do to succeed. Trust is present-moment looking towards the future past. When you trust something will happen, you are anticipating it happening or having happened. I can only hope that something happens, all the...
Nov 13, 2018•17 min•Ep. 33
