“WHY DID I CALL A LIZARD?”

All from zimblanity.

Hey, what's up?

Hello?

Hi?

Hey, what's going on?

Who is this? This is zimblanity, zimblanity. Have we spoken before, zimblanity?

No, this is my first time.

What's up, zimblanity? What's going on with you? I?

I don't really know. I do wonder to myself why I have such an aversion to therapy that it's easier to call into a lizard?

Okay, And in that wondering as to why you have such an aversion to therapy that you call a lizard? What sorts of observations have you made or conclusions have you inched towards.

I think it's just anxiety, you know, But I don't know how to fix it, and I'm hoping that maybe you could do that for me.

I cannot. I can't promise I can do anything for you, but I will try. I will talk with you about it. What are you anxious about?

I mean everything, I'm like shaking on this phone call right now? Okay, that it's me nervous. I don't know what.

Hmmm, how old are you?

I'm thirty?

Okay?

You this way?

Well, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. How long Have you been this this way? As you say, Uh, it's been years, man, were you Can you remember a time in your life when you were not this way whatever whatever this way means to you.

Yeah, I mean I really, I really cannot. It's uh. I've always been an anxious head. Now I'm an anxious, non binaried individual.

All right, you're an anxious kid. Now you feel like you're an anxious adult.

Yeah. I've tried medications, meditations, they didn't really help.

Okay, mm hmm. Well I'll ask you a few questions. Is there do you think your anxiety is rooted in the future or are you dwelling upon the past? Or is something about the present giving you anxiety?

Where? Where?

Where?

Where is the anxiety? Or is the answer just all three?

I mean it really would be all three. I mean I guess not the past, because I really just kind of I let I just let things go. Ah, But I'm constantly worried about a recently, if I'm going to finish my apprenticeship. I'm worried about my friends, what they think about me, if I'm doing right by them, if I'm a good dad, just all the things you have a kid, Yeah, I.

Do hold your kid.

She is eight eight eight, ts.

Hey, wonderful. Do you have a significant other of some kinds?

I do. I have my partner Drew. He's he's amazing, It's good.

Okay okay, And is Drew like, did you guys do like an artificial insemination thing?

So basically before I just that I was queer. I had been in a really abusive relationship for years. I did feel at some point that my only way out of this relationship was through my daughter, my now daughter. That's a whole bag worms.

Your now daughter is. So was like you were in a relationship with somebody and that woman is that the mother of your daughter?

Yes?

Okay? Is she in your life in any way, shape or form, or.

We have like a shared parenting thing going through a custody whatever. Right now I'm trying to get full custody. It's not looking good. Ohio's a mother their state as they say.

Really yeah, m okay. So how often do you get to see your daughter?

It really just depends my ex is she thinks that like a long winded text messages with grammatically correct spelling is a legal document. So sometimes I get to see her every weekend and then sometimes I'm just sitting around hanging out and then I get a big text message at like two am that says, I, so and so no longer agree to our inherent parenting agreement and you won't be getting her these days. And that's not how that works. But going to court costs like a lot of money.

Yeah, yeah, what do you do.

Right now? I am on disability because of the anxiety, and I am trying to do a piercing apprenticeship at a tattoo shop. Uh, And I hope that that works out. I'm hoping I can claw my way off of disability with the apprenticeship. But you know, we'll see m hm.

And what does Drew do.

Drew is a tattoo artist, he's an illustrator, he watches dogs. He he's really just kind of caught up in the gig economy right now.

So all right, So, because you're on disability, I assume you at one point did have to go to a doctor or a psychiatrist or a therapist of some kinds and get like medically diagnosed with something. Is that is that true? What were you? What were youically diagnosed with?

Uh?

Just I was diagnosed with the severe anxiety, the severe depression. Uh, this is I mean, like I said, this is things have been happening like since I was a child, and it's like it is debilitating, like but I'm trying my best.

Okay. Mmmm and have you and you said you, uh would, so tell me again why you feel more comfortable talking to me about all all these things instead of talking to an actual therapist.

Yeah. So yeah, I don't know. Something I don't know. Maybe something about the suit kind of takes the power away, the seriousness of it.

But does it I mean, does it make it? I mean, this is a you know, uh uh. Other people are listening right now. Does that make you more anxious or less anxious? Do you not care about that?

I mean, to me, those are just numbers on the screen. I know my friend is listening right now, Okay, and that makes me anxious because I know that they can hear me.

Okay, but you wanted to talk regardless, so you but you still feel comfortable enough with them hearing you that you're doing it.

Yeah, they've heard about these things before. I wouldn't have talked about these if it was a thing that I wasn't comfortable with them hearing specifically, but say like if somebody else you know, you know it figures out or you know, someone else in my life, that would probably cause anxiety. I don't want to feel like I'm like trauma dumping to my friends.

Sure, okay, can you not afford to zero a real therapist?

So since I'm on disability, I'm on the medicaid so sweet, I just started. Uh, I just got a new therapist last week. But it is uh, I don't know, like I've already opened up more to you than I had him, and uh, it's I don't know, it's I you know, there's like a fight flight freeze and fawn and I just like a freeze.

Okay mm hm hmmmm. Well I uh, the doc and the doctors gave you medication and you tried that. They've probably told you to fucking do some kind of meditation thing and you tried that and nothing worked.

Yeah that's uh, I'm doing medication right now. Uh, I don't feel it's working. I've honestly had more success. Uh. Which micro dosing?

Uh mushrooms Oh cool, cool cool?

Cool? Not that how did those make how did those make you feel?

Honestly? My first time micro dosing the LSD. It blew my mind. I felt like I went from like some autistic, anxiety riddled person to.

Just be an enormy Yeah. Yeah, you went from you went from four Chan to Pinterest.

I really did. Yeah, I had this was my white girl summer.

Nice? Nice, Okay, And then like, here's the thing with drugs. I thought about this. I thought about this last time my Tripp's rooms. Drugs are like that scene in the Breath. Drugs are like that scene in the Breakfast Club. Have you ever seen the movie with the Breakfast Club?

Yeah?

All right, you know, so when you when you take mushrooms or LSD, you have that like, oh, I know, I have this epiphany and that epiphany and I feel this and I feel that and everything feels like it makes sense.

Right.

Yeah, it's like that scene in the Breath. But it's like that scene in the Breakfast Club where the nerd you know, is talking to all the other people and he's like, so Monday morning, are we still going to be friends? Did any of this matter?

You know?

So sober you right now talking to me, have you retained any of those epiphanies? Did any of them matter or affect life? After the trip.

I mean in ways, yeah, because I feel like it lowered my defenses or gave me the courage or whatever to take steps towards bettering myself and bettering like my life. I was micro dosing when I was able to, like ask my friend for a pearing apprenticeship, and I'm like, I'm really putting my eggs in this basket because I'm hoping to start making money and be able to save

Okay, that's great, that's good. So you're on a how long ago was that that you were trying out this and doing all these things.

I mean I've been microsing for like a year now.

I think, all right.

It is your life better today than it was a year ago, for sure. Fantastic. Okay, you're on an upwards trajectory. You're a you're a positive stuff, I hope. So yeah, no, I think I think I think you are. Mm hmmmmmmmmmmm. All right. So you're you're in a piercing apprentice, yes, okay, and you what's you in your in your anxiety riddled brain. What is the anxiety over the over the piercing apprentice?

Uh, it's honestly, it's just I don't know, it's it's a bunch of Uh, it's just drama. It's like everybody's mad at this person. That person's mad at this person. I feel like I'm gonna get swept under the rug speak of these things.

Really, Yeah, I I you said I when you you said it's funny, you said I shouldn't be this.

Way at thirty. I don't think thirty is too old. Thirty is not too old to have anxiety by any means, but it's it's too old to engage it, to engage in drama in any way, shape or form. Maybe I wouldn't say, I don't want to put an age thing to it at all, but but you shouldn't be Why why in what way are you engaging in this drama?

So I'm not engaging in it. So basically, my mentor you know, shows up late, stuff like that, her car breaks down, people get upset with her. I feel like maybe there's some residual upsetness aimed at her that's being placed on me because I'm an apprentice. I feel like maybe there' not taking me seriously or they feel that I'm not serious about it.

Uh.

I'm not trying to engage in drama. I just uh, I know, drama happens, and like sometimes it boils down to like playing sides of the fence, and I just, you know, I just want everybody to get along and have a nice time.

What's the version of this that involves you spending one hundred percent of your time dedicated to just learning how to get better at your piercing and tattooing. I'm not thinking about anything outside of that.

I guess I don't know, I don't know what the uh I'm trying. I'm trying my best.

To okay, do that as it is. Okay, good, good, Okay. You're trying your best to focus on how you can just do the job instead of instead of worrying about, you know, what the hell's going on between your mentor and the the other person and then what else do you have this crazy ex wife scenario. I'm sorry about that. That's really really, really tough.

Yeah, it's you have a white trash.

Yeah that's all right, that's all right. You're worried about you're worrying about it whether or not you were a good father? Yeah, why are you worried about that?

I feel like because of like the optimum, because of the anxiety, the depression. I feel like there are people in my life, like and that are also in her life that like infantilize me when it comes to like being a father, and they I just I feel like I'm constantly just like questioned on whether or not I'm able to do this.

Okay, so this is what does that have to I hope this question makes sense? But what does that have to do with you?

So like.

Maybe I'll try what I What I mean by what I mean by that is is you're wondering whether or not you're a I asked you why you think you're not a good father, and you were talking about you responded by talking about other people's opinions of you and the way that other people are treating you, which you know, but but I want to, like, I want to hear about what you think about yourself, not like what other

I mean maybe. I mean, like, you know, you hear things about yourself so much that like eventually you start to believe it.

Okay, So like.

I I think, I think I'm just doing my best and that's all you can do. But like I'm great worried if that enough?

Great? So so if you think you're so, I take take the external. If you think you're doing the best that you can do to be a father, then why why are you anxious about whether or not you're a good father just because other people are treating you like a baby because you have autism?

I mean, yeah, I you know, it's also like we the only course right now. So I recently had to get a guardian ad litem for the custody battle thing. And it's basically a lawyer who comes and visits both houses and determines which parents is better for like the child's well being.

Yeah, and.

You know, like my house, it's just me in a two bedroom apartment, It's just me and my daughter. And at her mother's house, there's like fifteen people in this house, one of the guys a known predator. She's got my daughter and like four other kids living in an unfinished basement, and like the guardian came to both our houses and then like decided that like my place wouldn't be h h suitable to raise the child here because my house was disorganized.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, it's a lot.

Mm hmm. I'm sorry to hear that.

Mm hmm.

Yeah, but I I I obviously you know we're not gonna be able to like fix every thing or anything. I don't know if this conversation has been remotely helpful for you, but at least in terms of like just just to start off just as like a foundation of something, at least in terms of like what you can and

Or for him? Yeah, it makes sense.

Okay. Do you have any thoughts about any of that?

I mean, yeah, I mean I'm trying that. That lists why I like the court and stuff is you know, we're I'm going through with that and uh, you know, I've done all that I could do, and I'm doing all that I could do. I just hope that, like when my daughter gets older, she sees that mmm.

Mmm do you I don't know, man, I don't know. Is there any other aspect of of this that you wanted to talk about specifically?

No? I think I'm good.

Was was this was this helpful in any way, shape or form for your life?

I I hope So, I mean, uh, this was like, you know it. Uh, I had a lot of anxiety about making this call and the fact that I did, like, I'm you know, and I didn't just like hang up.

You know, that's okay.

I'm impressed with myself over there.

Give you give yourself some fucking credit. That's the that's that's that's the thing. Give yourself some credit. I just dude, if you take one thing away from this call, I just hope you give yourself some credit because you're fighting again. You have all these like things that you're fighting against internally, but you're fighting against them, right, you have. You have debilitating anxiety, but yet you picked up the phone and you called or you know, you you you didn't just

I did pick that name?

What does that mean? What is that from.

Uh So, zimblanity is the opposite of serendipity.

I do you know what. I totally thought that was just a word that you made up. No, zimblanity. It's the opposite of security, of serendipity. It's the opposite of serendipity. Yeah, okay, So what define serendipity for me?

Uh So, serendipity is like, you know, like a wonderful thing. Uh It's like a stroke of genius, like a muse, you know, like, and zimblanity is like something that's unwanted but inevitable, like a grandma dying.

Why did you name yourself that?

I just thought it sounded pretty. I don't know.

Sorry, I don't mean to make fun of your the name that you chose for yourself, but I just it sounds negative.

No, I yeah, yeah, it sounds negative. But like I'm you know, I like to. I just I thought it sounded pretty. I'd like to I'd like for people to hear that and then think of something positive. I think, I think, uh, the people who are in my life here zimblanity, and you know, think of me and the good good stuff we good times we have together.

Okay, all right. So you're you're taking you're taking zimblanity back. You're you're flipping it. Yeah, you're making You're you're making it. You're making zimblanity into serenity. Yes, all right, I respect that as I planning anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Yeah, I've been reading the chat as we've been having this talk. This chat is wonderful. If it's okay, I'd like to give a shout out to my friend.

If that's fine, yeah's who's your friend?

My friend is Cat Bogart. Could I plug their Instagram? Or is that?

Do they want you to plug their Instagram because a bunch of people might send them links to weird bitcoin addresses and shit, I.

Mean they would probably appreciate it.

Oh, what do they do? What's the Instagram?

They're a tattoo artist, so it's their professional page. All right, sir, h it's Cat Bogart. Their page is Cat Bogart, Inc. They are an amazing person. They're my favorite artist. There's all around a good being.

Do you know this person?

I do?

It's Kat with a K Okay, all right, well we'll check them out. Well, the thing is I don't know if it's your thing. It's like all right, well you know, yeah, all right, we'll check that out. Well we can. People will someone will go on Instagram and look at it and go like that's pretty cool.

Yeah, somebody added it in the chat.

Well z have a good rest of your of your day.

Thank you, man. I do feel that this helped.

Okay, good, thanks man. I appreciate that. I'm glad. Huh, take care z you too. All right, doing some trying, doing some real therapy, therapy, gecko, trying our best. Yeah, that was those is interesting. That was interesting. I'm dude, I don't know. Sometimes I really with that whole thing of like I want to I I'm off and on about the whole thing of like I want to call you because I don't I can't call a real therapist.

Like.

There's definitely there's lots of days and times where that makes me uncomfortable. But there's also like a lot of days and times where I'm like, you know what, let me give it a try. Fuck it, why not let me give it a try. Let's dive in fuck it something. I do. I feel that way. I feel that way when I get really sad. When I get really like if I'm walking into this thing and I'm and I'm sad myself, I'm like, oh, you got like a real serious, sad,

All from Nicolas.

Hello, Hey, what what's up?

What?

Wait?

Am I on the show?

You're on the show. What's up?

Man?

What's your name?

Oh man, I'm Nick. That's crazy. How are you doing, Nick.

I'm doing I'm doing okay, I'm hanging in there. What's going on with you?

Oh my god, this is crazy. I'm I'm chilling with my my like my two friends on Discord and I just started watching the stream and I was like, oh man, we like, we shall call and uh we were like, no, we're not gonna call this, so we like we didn't really watch too much of the show. I mean, I'm a big fan, but my my friend doesn't watch We're gonna call it. But uh my, dude, I'm like super stone, but I'm sorry.

No, that's okay. I was a little I was a little stoned earlier. I was actually actually right before, I never dude, all right, I'll just I gotta be honest with you guys. I never do this, And I talk about how I never do this. I can't talk about how I never do it anymore because I started not doing it all the time. But like I've had a couple I've done a couple of these recording sessions, like the past two of them. I was like, I was like, fuck it, let me uh, and again it's been three years.

I think you might turn into a gecko.

You that's a that's that's a good one. I like that. But what happens is you go, oh, that was so good. That was so great. You know what I should do? I should get high every time I go to record by show and then and so this is this is high recording session number two I got I have. We're We're about two hours into this though, so I'm I'm kind of on like this. The come down from weed

But hey man, it's not too late to hit that blinker ah.

I don't know. You don't want to make it a habit, right because then I'm gonna start. I just I've been getting high too much. I've been crossing boundaries that I had said. I I had set certain boundaries of like, oh, I won't do it this day and or I won't I won't do it you know in the mornings, or you know when I have this to do or that

Oh?

It's made it so much better. I feel like I can understand with you you're rambling because I'm on like a similar wavelength right now.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel nervous about you? Do you feel anxious or paranoid that you sound stupid?

No, dude, I'm stupid.

All right?

Are you still on discord with your friends?

Yeah?

I'm on discord with my friends right now. I just stepped away from the computer so I can hear.

Okay, cool, I I was hoping you weren't still trying. I guess having a conversation with them and me that would that would be stupid. Well, all right, Nicholas, Nick, Yeah, it's Nick, dude. It's okay. If there's not we can just keep we can just sit in silence. I don't care.

Hey do you play this? Do you play any video games?

Yeah? I play video games. I don't. I don't play like like Valorant or any of like the online ship.

Have you heard of Dark and Darker?

Nope?

Oh my god, you have to play Dark and Darker?

Is it on the Nintendo Switch?

Unfortunately not.

I am never ever ever going to play.

Oh man, it's the worst game I ever made, but it's amazing.

All right, Well you're really selling it? Was that what you want?

I was?

I was gonna say it before I uh whatever? Was there anything in particular you called in you want to talk about?

It's no, not exactly, but I could you know, I can talk to you about how much I like, love and hate this one game, Dark and Darker. It's very new, like early access games.

What other what other games do you play?

I play other games I hate, like Rust.

Why do you Why do you play so many games that you hate?

Oh?

Because it's a because there's there's like a I played survival games and so it's just it's you and me. It's me and my my bes friend, and we play these games together and it's us against the whole world, the whole. In Rust, it's this one game we play quite often. It's you have to Like you start off and you're on like in this island, and you have a rock and you're naked, your dick is out and your your balls are out and uh, and everyone else

That's but so much that sounds like so much fun playing that game with your friends. That sounds like so much fucking fun. Damn, I wish I haven't played like I haven't really played games online with my friends. I really haven't done that since middle school or like early high school. I haven't done that in a decade, over a decade. It's fun, man, it's fun. I mean, I'll play like, I play like, I'll play land Ship, you know, play some Mario Kart play. I played a ton of

Uh?

No, right now?

I'm not in college and I'm twenty two.

Okay, what do you What do you do with your life?

Uh?

I I make music and I work at pizza place.

You make music and you work at a pizza place.

Yeah?

Is the pizza any good?

No, it's pizza over.

What's it called? What's the pizza place?

Oh?

No?

Is it? Is it a chain? Is it a chain?

It a chain?

No, it's not a big change.

Well you don't chain, all right, you don't have to. You don't have to put them blast.

But it's it has to do with new York. But it's it's not it's not very good. But I mean it's good when I get it for free. But besides that, yeah, it's pretty bad.

It's hard to fuck up pizza.

I disagree up pizza. I've sucked up a lot of pizzas.

Yet.

Do you do you deliver pizzas or do you make the pizzas?

I cut the pizza?

All right, so you are in you you you have you fucked up a lot of pizzas cutting them stupidly.

Yeah, dude, like, and it's not even this, like sometimes I just forget to cut them.

You pizza cut them?

Yeah, because you know, let me ask you a.

Question before you answer the Because do you get high at work?

I get high before work, and then I get high after work.

That's the That's that's the most hilarious way of No, I don't get high at work. I get high before work.

It's different, Yeah, because then I get to experience the like that calm down, and then gradually I feel like I get better and better at my job.

Okay, I don't I I I'm going to challenge you. I don't think weed is making you better at your job. It might make your job better for you. Oh, okay, you're getting better, You're getting more sober as the night progresses.

Yeah, so then I get better and better. So at the end of the night, I close and I'm just like hyper aware.

M Okay, you're twenty two. You like to get high. You work at a pizza place. Uh, there's a there's a really funny Onion article that says something like everyone involved in the manufacturing, delivery, and consumption of pizza extremely high. Uh it was funny anyway, all right, so whatever, see you working a pizza place, you get high, you play video games with your friends, that kind of That sounds awesome. Honestly, it sounds pretty cool. Do you have higher aspirations or are you set?

I really really want to play music for people.

Okay, what kind of music do you make?

H I like I like me. I really like jazz. I really love jazz, and I really love indie music. And I just want to make music that is very personal to myself. And I mean, I just love music very much. It's it's always been an escape for me. So I don't know, I just want to make music that is solely me and it's what I just create, what I only I can create because I think that it's I'm you know, I know there's so many other artists, but I'm still myself and only I can say I

That's a beautiful way of thinking about it. Making only what you can make. That's really how you should make stuff.

Yeah, so beautiful love music.

That's cool. I like that you can make music from the unique perspective of a guy who likes to get high and play video games. No, I'm just talking with you. What perspective do you make the music from?

I guess I think about music like my I look at the perspective I take is I try to see the full image of something, of a completed idea in my head, and then I try to break it down into its smaller individual parts and try to achieve achieve the idea I had in my head.

Who do you like?

Oh?

I really like Parker, Charlie Parker. Okay, I really liked Miles Davis. Miles all right, I like Miles I was. I don't know who Charlie Parker is, but I listened to a lot of Miles Davis.

Oh, he's me.

He was so awesome. I was listening to he just had a new remastered album coming. I mean, like, well, he's dead, but they remastered. I like one of his sessions not too long ago, and I've been listening to it and it's super amazing. It's called a thing move. It's amazing.

Nice. Nice.

Oh no, it's some time around. It's amazing.

Do you post ship? Do you make TikTok and whatever?

Do you do?

You do you put things on the internet?

No? I don't. I think that's my problem.

Are you nervous?

Yeah?

I do get nervous about it, but I try. I'm trying to break out of my shelf.

Are you nervous that the the twelve year old boys that you're gunning down in this video game are gonna find out that you make music and mass like one starret on whatever streaming service you put it on.

Now, I am m hmmmmm.

See you're nervous. Wise it like I think I'm being perceived. Not exactly, Okay, So what's the issue.

I think it's just I've been working on getting to a level that is, I guess good enough in my head, but I think that just keeps getting to a higher standard. And then uh, and then I put I used to put myself down a lot, but I've tried to how do you say, like, calm that down, which I have, And now I've I feel a lot more comfortable. And uh, I've been a little bit more active in making music lately,

Are you enjoying the process?

Oh?

I love it?

Now? Ah okay, well let me do it. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be You'll be better you you making music in your room and showing it to no one and enjoying doing that, You'll be happier than somebody who's like, uh, just I don't know, trying to go trying to get TikTok famous for the sake of getting TikTok famous. You know what I'm saying. So you're fine, You're gonna have a great life. I think, uh, I think I think you got it going on. Do you do you feel that way? Uh?

Yeah, I do think so. I know. I have amazing people in my life. But my best friends are are listening to the show right now, and man, I love them so much. They're awesome.

That's cool. Man, You're gonna get back there and they're all gonna call you gay for saying that.

Yeah, they call me gay already. They're probably only gay this second.

Yeah it's fair. Uh well, Nick.

So wild?

Is there anything else you wanted to to say before we get out of here?

I hope you hit that blinker?

What is that meme? Why have I been seeing that a rounds.

All because of blinkers? When you hit your vappen and you hit it until the vappen blinks because it just can't get it just can't power anymore.

Never been long. I don't want to do that. It sounds it sounds like too much.

It is too much.

But okay, thanks for explaining what that means. I was wonder what that meant. You hit? You do whatever with your life? Hey, how do I get free pizza from you?

Uh? Dude, I don't even get free pizza, Like, I barely get free pizza. So I mean you can you can get them.

You don't have to. You don't have to actually get me an answer to that question, Nick, thank you very much for calling ghak Bless you and enjoy God, enjoy your life. I'm jealous of you. You get to eat pizza and get high, and well, I guess I can do that too, all right. In fact, I'm gonna actually go do that.

I hope you enjoy that. Thank you. Thank you for having me on. I really really I love your show. You You're my favorite streamer. I listened to like every single one of your episodes. Oh yeah, you know, like your your show is amazing.

Thanks.

What you do for people is just awesome. You know, the things you have on really give me different perspectives. And you know, after watching your show, I think about some things you know, very like how do you say very like niche topics very differently and openly. And I really appreciate your show for that.

Thanks man, that makes me feel very happy to hear. I'm always wondering if people are listening to this, so I I I appreciate it, man, I really do. Good luck good luck to you, good luck to in your life. Damn, I'm fucking awkward. I wish I had a better I really do appreciate you saying what you said, and I'm thinking, like, what's the best most gracious way to respond to you. You know what you can say?

You can say ya?

What does that mean that?

I mean you already know?

Oh yeah to sabe Uhlana de Lapplia baby, Oh yeah yeah? So balla adios?

Are you all from?

Hello? Hello? What's your name?

Hailey?

What's up? Hailey? Has life?

It's all right.

Is there any particular aspect of it or of anything that you wanted to talk about tonight?

I didn't nothing specifically. I just wanted to chat.

Okay, well you you said that your life was was could be better? Yeah, I guess Okay, well what would make it better?

Just like a better job, an apartment, just ship like that?

Where do you? What do you do now? As a job?

I work at a zoo.

That sounds like a cool Actually know that that sounds like a horrible job.

It's it's fun.

It's just it's just like we're under like a new employment people system, so it like sucks hard right now?

Have the pigs taken over the farm? Is your boss? Adirafte? Uh?

Yeah?

Unfortunately that's uh, I would want. I would. If my boss was a draft, I would quit too. I would be like, this is actually no, I wouldn't know would stay. That'd be awesome for your boss.

Was a direst I think I think maybe a giraffe could run the zoo better.

Probably ooh shots fired zoo director get fucked? Uh yeah, okay, well all right, so you work at the zoo. You get to touch koalas and.

Oh I'm making pretels, man, I just worked at like the food and beverage service.

You make pretzels at you make pretzels at the zoo. Yes, you're like that. Fuck, You're like, dude, you're like the grandpa from Up. That's like Grandpa from Up.

Job that you have.

That is so funny.

You're like that guy. How old are you?

I am that guy? I'm twenty.

Okay, it's a little too young to be making pretzels at the zoo.

Was too young to be making.

Pretzels at the zoo.

Because the guy who makes whoever, the person that makes the pretzels at the zoo is supposed to like. They don't just make pretzels. They give you inspirational life lessons that can only be fully understood by people who've lived at least seventy five years of life.

No, that's not true.

That that's how it works in the movies. All right, you make pretzels at the zoo? Why is it? Why is it? Why does that make you unhappy? Why is that bad?

Like working at the zoo? I mean it's not it's not like the job itself, Like it's fun. I like seeing the animals and stuff whenever I get to. But it's just like the people who run it have like ruined it hard.

How much of a dick do you have to be to ruin the zoo? What are they doing to ruin it?

They just they just treat them like shit, Like they took away like we would get like a free meal a day, but they like took that away and then make us pay like twenty dollars for like extra uniform.

Really even even the animal, even the animals get a free meal a day.

I know they treat them better than us.

Have you said that? Have you?

Have you?

Have you stormed in? Because that's the perfect thing, that's the perfect thing to say to your boss at the zoo. You treat the animals bend than they do us. That's a perfect thing.

Yeah, I mean I would say that to him, but I don't get to like talk to the big man. Just like there's like people who are in charge of us, and then there's people in charge of them, and then it's like a big thing.

Is the pretzels? Is making the pretzels the lowest rung of the ladder?

No, I think.

I think security guard security guard, they get paid less than.

Really, really you get Can you get paid less as a security guard than you do for making pretzels? Let me tell you why that's fun?

You know what?

So I was at I went to a zoo recently in Australia shout out to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. I went there and it was the first time I'd ever gone to a zoo where they have a place where it's like an open field sort of thing. There's like a fence, but you can actually go in there and touch and pet kangaroos and EMUs and all these like big fucked up animals. And I was thinking about this.

Guard, well at mine just like to zoom and watched the people more than the animals. But someone actually like fell into the quita exhibit like two weeks ago.

What was it? What was that? What was that?

Like?

Did they get did they get sucked up?

I don't think. I think the cheetah just kind of like sat there and like looked at him because she was like with her trainer or something. So it's fucking weird.

They like locked down.

The whole zoo is crazy.

Somebody fell into the cheetah. You're you're dude, you're literally living in a in a in a little you know, a little Disney movie. You're making pretzels at the zoo and then a guy comedically fell over into the cheetah exhibit. You're living in a in a in a cartoon.

Yeah, it was like it what.

I don't want to ask? What zoo or kat? What? Uh? Okay? What else is bad with your life? These all sound like good, funny things.

I don't know, just a lot of like I don't know, family drama and stuff that kind of thing.

What uh I mean you don't have to get into that if you don't want to.

But what.

Do you do you want to?

No?

Maybe maybe not right now, but we can talk down.

That's cool. Honestly, I'm glad it is it bad that I'm glad that you said no? So that we can talk more about the zoo.

I would love to.

There's been a lot there's been a lot of conversations on this podcast about deep issues between family members and not not a lot about guys falling into cheetah enclosures. So we might as let's balance it out. What's your dream? What's your dream?

Well, it was when I was little, it was like always to like be a zoo keeper and stuff, So I guess it's still that. So I'm just like, I don't know, kind of getting closer to that.

But I love that idea though, that you're gonna you're gonna rise the rank. This is sick. This is sick. You're gonna rise the ranks from doing the pretzels to be to owning the zoo.

Yeah, it's honestly like it's happened before, people go from like the food service to like being a whole zoo.

Keeper and stuff.

So it's definitely possible.

That's sweet. I like, I like that idea. I'm trying to think of what else I know about zoos. What's the coolest animal they got at this zoo?

God, I don't know.

They have a lot of animals. For me, it's the red Pandas. They're really they're really cute. Are my favorite?

Oh yeah, I like I like red Pandas. That's like the that's the guy from Red right turning red?

Yeah?

Yeah, what kind of what kind of geckos are they? Day geckos?

Yeah, there's actually one of those, and they have like crested geckos and ship all the geckos.

Man, that's awesome. Do they do they ever? Do they look like they have any thoughts?

Maybe some we don't. We don't know about We're never gonna find out. But they do.

Do they look sad? Ever?

I think, you know, I think maybe they do just like like sitting in that cave all day and just having.

Kids just like smear their faces and lick the glass. Might it would make me sad to have to live in there?

Yeah? Well maybe that, you know what? You know what? All right, I'll give you a blessing m hm. That will cosmically. It won't ensure anything, but it will cosmically point the universe. And I'm gonna manifest it. I'm gonna cosmically point the universe in the direction of you one day owning the zoo, working your way up from the pretzel making. But you gotta do me a favor before I do that.

Yeah, yeah, you got to.

Promise me that when you own the zoo, you will free the geckos.

I promise loo, when I own the Zoo, I will free to get goos.

You have my word, Hayley. Is there anything else you want to that's probably not your Is that your name?

Yeah?

Haley? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

I don't know.

Free the geckos man.

Free the Geckos. That's going on the T shirt. See you Haley, yay, thank you fine.

Never be Ken goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Never beIN Can goes doing to ride.

He's teaching you a loud in the mid your life, but he's not really an expert.