Hello, Hi, can I actually before we start, can I just leave you with the stream for like a minute, just go outside?
Oh yeah, you can go outside.
So that I don't like this disturb my family and ship.
Outside, go go get it, get out of here. Look at this guy? Who is this guy?
Hi?
Greck? Hey man? What's your name?
I am Andy?
I noticed that you have a plus four to twenty area code. What country is that?
Oh yeah, that's the Czech Republic. Moment the country will fear and casual racism?
There we go for where in the church?
Public are.
Just in the Prague, you know region?
Cool man? I went to Prague like five years ago. It was great. They have all these like cool underground bars and ship they had what else do I remember from pro? I have like some bread bowl gulash. Is that what it's called?
What the fuck? I have no idea what that might be, what that might be serving?
Well?
Is great though.
It's gulash not a pro.
Oh yeah yeah. It is not not like Brog food. Maybe it's not even like Czech origin, but yeah, it's it's heavily heavily eating here.
It sounds kind of like a It sounds kind of like a death trap, like like if somebody has has been arrested, you send them to the gulagh.
That's so good man, you can do this to me, call you with a depression and you make my mood good. Fuck you?
Well, what's up man? What's you had a Did you have a particular thing you wanted to talk about?
Well? Yeah, sort of, it's been like a long time, bruin like years and like ever since like a year ago. I found your stream. I wanted to call in, but I never actually dreamed of making it. Fucking hell, this is awesome, so uh yeah, thank you, thank you. So first of all, you know how the world is fucked? Right?
Is that where we're starting? The world is sucked?
Oh yeah, that's that's well, you know, let's start be everywhere.
So let's start here. Let's start here. Why do you why do you see everywhere that the world is fucked?
Well, just because it is. You know, like I know, I consume like too much American like you know, info, so I know way too much about American stuff, even though the stuff here, you know, in Czech Republic is basically fine, but like compared to America. But so but yeah, I just you know, I see all these like little clues that you know, the capitalist system is fucking unsustainable and we need just switch off it fucking quickly, allous we want to I don't know, get burnt, I guess
you know stuff like that. And I think thinking that maybe there's like a brute force method to it that you might be or like someone like me might be able to go out to, like I don't know, an English speaking place, because that sure as shit end here are you talking.
About trying to kill the president?
Yes, exactly, you got it on the mail now and of course not.
Okay for me real quick, So you're talking about a brute force method. By the way, just in case if any Secret Services members, we're talking about killing the presidents in a video game of McDonald land, which is the mayor mccheese, and that's not even a real person. But anyway, okay, exactly, So.
No, I wasn't talking about like a violent resolution. Just you say yes, But I meant. What I meant was like, the world is evolving and we are progressing into a better future, but it's far too fucking slow. So I wanted to just like go out somewhere where a lot of people can speak English and understand, and you know, like go to a fucking square and just speak my
mind about this. Just convince people that this it is fucking wrong, because I know it is, you know, And maybe that way we could just jump start the whole process tucking in a day, maybe a week.
And you're talking about your you wanna you wanna go to a town square and just start rallying people about how the world is fucked.
Well, yeah, not just about how how the world is fucked, but how we can fix it super easily if we just you know, stop alienating everyone who's different and accept some viewpoints that maybe don't really vibe with us or whatever.
How do you think we can achieve world peace?
Andy, Well, you know drawing capitalism is the first thing, because the way I see it, it's the it's the top brass just you know, using this concept of money who basically keep us in like what's called wage slavery, you know, where people live pay check to paycheck and they can't really improve their lives or you know, do anything with the money because they all have it, they have it all planned out with the money. So I've got a question, they're not really good anywhere.
Yeah, so I know that like America is I mean, I'm dumb. I don't know. I haven't read the books, the Karl Marx stuff, but I know that America is like known for like like as as I guess, the most capitalist country, right, and everyone's like ah, and in different places they do it better. But what's the system in the Czech Republic? Is it the same thing or do you guys do it differently?
Well, it's it's more or less the same, except you know, over here in Europe, especially in the Union, we're a bit more socialized or like, you know, we have a bit more socialistic tendencies towards like healthcare and education, which is sort of I see it as the basics of
what the state should fucking do. And you know, the US system just uses all that to just make more money, which is again capitalism, and it's you know, it gets its fucking roots into everything and fucking corrupts it into a way for someone one rich asshole sitting on one rich asshole chair just to sit on a slightly bigger pile of money.
You know.
So this depression that you're talking about, Andy, is it mainly centered around like social political economic issues at a large scale.
Well, you could argue that I'm just projecting this shit, and you know, the depression is just me and the world isn't actually all that bad and it's getting better as fast as it can. But I don't believe that. I think we're better as human beings, and I think we could do a hell of a lot better if we just communicated with each other.
Well, what's your personal life like? Do you go to school, do you walk around? What do you do?
No? I dropped school right before finishing high school because I saw it as a place of indoctrination basically. And now, yeah, I didn't work for like half a year after getting getting fired from a wood shop, and then the wood shop got fired too, and the warehouse that got left hired me. Now, so that's what I'm doing now. I'm a warehouse worker, slowly no wages, warehouse worker, and just yeah,
feeling super beaten down by capitalism. I mean, I'm privileged, I have no actual troubles, but I would like things to be different because I know there's way too many people that do face genuine fucking horrors, you know, mm hmm, I don't know. I just feel like if someone went out and started talking about it honestly and passionately. People would see capitalism for the monster that this fucking is.
You know what I think is gonna happen, Andy, I think you're gonna go it into the town square and you're gonna step up on a on a box and you're gonna rally the people of Prague and everyone's gonna be like yeah, fuck yah. And then you got you got all these people and they're all gonna look at you and be like, well, what do we do now? And you're gonna be like, fuck, I don't get this far, And then you guys can go storm a candy store or something like that.
Yeah No, because I didn't. I don't think I would I will get that far. But if I do, I do have it fanned out.
You do it? So youah, you have you have a whole revolution planned out.
Well sort of, it's all like fuzzy in my head because I haven't written anything of it down, but the concrete points still stand because like the first thing we would have to do is just, you know, drop the concept of currency to release us from the shackles of our fucking capitalist overlords, which would free us you know, to do whatever the fuck we please finally, And you know, some people would see this as fucking anarchy, but I
think we're better than that. We wouldn't just like fucking start killing each other like the purge, just just because there's no money to be had.
Well what would be if there was? If there was no money, what would what would we do?
Well, what do you mean we do? We would do whatever. Like, you know, there's a ton of problems in the world, and you know, leaving money behind would just free us to deal with those problems, whether it's people needing help or you know, the planet burning or whatever, ship like that.
Because you know, why don't you start a Why don't you start like a commune or something. Why don't you go to the town square, rally up a couple hundred people and go start a little society.
Well that would be nice, but that would still solve nothing, because it would be just you know, like you say, a couple hundred people living off the land that they choose to live off of. It would be the capitalist overloads.
Andy, How the hell are you, Andy, How the hell are you gonna change the entire world if you don't even want to go and change a hundred people.
No, this isn't a question of scale. I'm just saying that, uh, doing it on a lesser scale than the entire world will be pointless because as long as there's you know, countries fucking polluting or whatever and fucking you know what's whate a they called companies just the capitalist overworlds. You know, as long as they're free to do whatever the fuck they want, they're gonna like function up.
So the fucking have you made an Have you unconsciously made a contract with yourself that you will be unhappy until all human suffering is eliminated?
Haha? Not really, you are close, though, I have made a contract with myself, fully consciously, that I won't start working on myself until I see the world start working on itself, you know, because I feel like whatever I feel about me is bad. I got from the world because I feel like, you know, I can't help myself for shit, I can't. Uh, I don't know. I feel
like I'm you know, fucking up all the time. And I think I got that from like the general culture of the world, Like, you know, people just not willing to help other people just because they're different than shit like that so.
Well, it does make sense. But when you say I'm not going to help myself until I'm not going to try to fix myself into the world fix itself, does that just like does that just manifest itself as you just being unhappy and upset all day and not trying to like use any amount of your agency to make life for you a little bit better.
Well, No, Like, I still like do stuff for me because there's stuff I enjoy and stuff I like, laugh at the stuff I cry about and shprappy cry, you know, all this kind of shit. And you know, no amount of suffering in the world will stop me from laughing. And I recognize that. But still there's like I have, like you know, physical or medical problems or like mental
shit as well. There's way too much of that. But yeah, until I see the world going in a direction where I know it's worth it for me, you know, for the for my future to work on myself, then I won't like I don't want to work towards something, and then just you know, have the world and just want to commit suicide, you know.
All right, So that would be sure. So let me think about what you just said and make sure I understand it. So you don't want to work on yourself because it would be pointless because even if you did work on yourself, you would be living in a fucked up world no matter what, and there is nothing that you can do to unfunck the world that you live in. Yes,
I have, I have. I have a few thoughts on that, if if you if you want to hear that, so like, sorry, you know, man, I actually think I think about this
stuff a lot. I really do. I really think about this stuff a lot, especially because especially because it's it's really it's a really prevalent conversation for a lot of people in terms of like, you know, there's there's the system and whatever, capitalism and socialism, and then there's like society at large, there's individualism, there's what can you do for yourself? Is what can you do with other people? And I think about all this stuff and I don't
have a definitive answer for it. One thing I do think about is that I don't understand why there's why it's a binary, you know what I mean, I don't understand why it's always like like why is it like either I you know, why are the two choices? You know? Make yourself better? Well why not not that? I mean, why are the two choices? Okay, makes why are the two choices make society better or make myself better?
Like?
Why why is that a binary? Why can't I do whatever is within my agency to make my own life better and then also try to do whatever is within my own agency to help the people around me? Man? I mean sure, you know you can sit and be like upset at the current systems that are are what's going on right now, and you can you and you know, you can criticize them to death and be right in your criticisms, and you could be trying to enact change through those criticisms. But at the end of the day,
it's like, I don't, I don't. I'm trying to figure out, you know, just for you, Andy, Like, what's gonna make you not go through life feeling so shitty all the time?
You know?
That's what I'm thinking of it.
Yeah, well.
It's also like, well, there's also well there's also like I assume a feeling of helplessness because this is such a global issue that you're in your tiny, little, single human brain trying to solve it. It's impossible, but there is certain things that you could do so that when you go to sleep at night you can go well, at least I tried my best and the rest is out of control. And I accept that, And so I'm like, Okay,
what is you trying your best? Look like? Does it look like you going out into the town square and having a microphone and just literally to the people saying your thoughts and feelings. Maybe it could look like that, and maybe you would go and do that, and then when you go to sleep at night, you can go I didn't solve the global economic crisis, but I tried my best to, you know, so maybe you would feel better at least trying to. I don't. I don't know. I mean you have you have agency of some kind.
Do you agree with that?
I mean, you have a you have a very valid point of if I tried, I would be significantly significantly happier. But there's a lot of you know, fear that that won't work out, and like if that doesn't work out, like I might just keep trying. But if I don't, I'll just, you know, I'll be even more miserable.
Isn't that life? You If you try and you try and you try and then you can die.
But yeah, but yeah, this specific one. Failing this specific challenge would mean to me that were doomed as a human race.
And you and all the things we know, Eddie, you can't be telling me right now that you are trying to, like literally just as one guy, take on all the world's problems. And you're you're literally saying right now, if I cannot solve world hunger, the global economic crisis well and achieve world peace, I will be happy. That's crazy.
I know that sounds crazy, but that's not really what I'm saying. Like, I'm saying that there needs to be like a thought revolution for at least for the people who are like, I don't know, fucking conservative boomers and shit like that, and they need to realize, you know, that our side of the argument is right, that capitalism does need to fucking change at the very least or be extinct solely and right, and I and I.
And and and I support you're taking whatever action is within you to fight for your causes. But if you're so far, but this is just general. This isn't even a political This is not a political thing. When I'm saying, this is just about what This is just about what is and is not in your control, and about how if you obsess over things that aren't in your control,
you're going to be deeply unhappy. And I think working towards and you working towards and campaigning towards and taking whatever action is within you as an individual towards things that you believe in are positive, great things. But I think weighing your happiness on the outcome of a thing that is just totally beyond any one individual's control is just is a recipe for constant sadness.
Look, this is what I tried to say, because that thought revolution it has to have a beginning somewhere and it, you know, logically, it has to be one mind. And you know, I'm not saying like I'm saving the world. I'm just saying like, if if someone voiced this, then we could save the world as humans as a species. And that's not too big, you know, because there's seven fucking eight almost eight billion of us. That's a fucking force. Man, we could do anything.
Can I also say that? Can I also say this one thing before? Yeah? Before I believe we might have exhausted the bounds of this conversation. Oh, yeah, I want to say this.
I expected it to go I talked, well, okay.
We talked about I want to say this, and I hope this gets to you in some way. You talked about that, we talked about the hundred people that you rally are and then you and you said, well, what's the point if it's just one hundred people and it's like the world is the world is just a lot of one hundred people, you know?
Well, yeah, I just meant, like, you know, if it's a hundred people that go off and like separate from rest of society, that's pointless because right the rest of society would go on as.
It's nowl you know, So I just what if I were if I were here, and if I were you, I would go take I would take a walk around your neighborhood.
That's right, I did just now.
I would take a walk around your neighborhood, and I would just look at what's directly around you or even the people that you talk to in your daily life, your friends, your family, whatever you're doing, and I would just in what's directly in front of you, go how can I help or improve these things? And if you're focusing if you're focusing on how I'm going to save the world. You're just gonna you were just gonna drive
yourself insane, and you seem like a cool guy. And I don't want to watch you just go insane and kill yourself.
I would well, o, I should stop that, just think you know.
I don't know, man, I hate that you're like hinging your happiness upon such a gigantic issues like how.
Can I be happy? How can any truly empathetic person be happy in a world world so much useless suffering, you know occurs.
You limit your empathy to You limit your empathy to about You limit your empathy to about one hundred people. You goth. I have no hold on, hold on, hold on, I have no qualms with that. I don't like whatever. I don't know. I'm not like here to argue about what makes a person a good person. I have no idea, but at least personally, I think realistically, realistically, you can only truly actually care about like maybe a hundred people.
That's true. I don't know, like the way I see it, I don't think that's that.
I don't.
But you can't. But you can't know one hundred.
People that's okay, because why would that make you care? Give me, give me second, give me a second age. All right? If let's look, every day, there's all around the world, hundreds and hundreds of people being fucking killed in terrorist attacks and starving to death and all these things, and it's a thousands, and I'm we can't look to say we don't care about them, is like, but how do I say this? Obviously you care, but there's only
so much that you can do for other people. And if you pick okay, these are the dude, even if it's just my family, even if it's this is my son, this is my wife, this is my daughter. These are the three people that I'm going to make a lot of active effort to make sure I can improve their lives. And then when I read on the news about these people that are dying somewhere else, I'm gonna go, that sucks. But today I have to feed my children, you know what I mean. I have to water my crops proverbially
whatever that means, you know. And I don't know if that makes somebody a piece of shit, but it's like the opposite of that, trying to yeah, trying to go insane every horrible thing happening everywhere at the world all the time. It's just our brains are not meant to be able to do that.
Well, yeah, I guess mine is like I just do that. I just live like that, you know, And I know it sounds fucking shitty, but I think someone has to, you know.
Well, Andy, I hope, I hope, I hope you can you carve out five minutes for yourself to just look at the sky and go, I'm you know, I'm fine.
Well, yeah, I do that, you know, Like I mean, oh yeah, I have hours.
Uh Andy, is there anything else that you want to talk about or say to the people of the computer before we go? Uh?
Just, I don't know. I guess be kind to everyone, especially yourself, unless they're being a dick or a fascist. And oh yeah. What I want to end on is it's never morally wrong to bunch of fascists.
I have a good rest of the day, you too, lie, But oh my goodness, I wish we talked. I wish we talked more about goulash. Goulash is really good. I think it's some kind of suit. See if I were that guy and I lived in Prague, what I would do today is I would go have some gulash and find a little cinnamon bun and I would go, you know what this very I don't. I don't know about the past. I don't know about the future. I don't know what's going on in other countries. I don't know
what's going on in other people's brains. But what I know for sure is that this particular individual moment where I'm eating this gulash and I'm looking at the sky, it's pretty good.
Hello, Hi, oh my god.
Yeah, what's your name? My name is Ashley Ashley. How's life?
It's pretty good? Wow. I didn't think you.
Called me, hey, check this out instead of you know when you know that you know when that guy says Sunday Sunday Sunday. Uh huh Ashley Ashley Ashley. I don't know why the fuck I just said that. That was really I I as soon as I said, do you know how that guy says Sunday Sunday Sunday? I was like, I don't want to do the second part of this, but yeah, it would have been weird if I had abandoned it. Right anyway, what's up?
Not much, just text to scenes. Maybe he wanted to hear about my unorthodox childhood a little bit.
Yeah, sure, let's let's let's let's de orthodox.
This all right. So this was the early two thousands, you see, and my mom was a single mom and uh, she was raising three kids. And so my mom was an escort and she rose the ranks of escort hood to owning her own escort service. And I just had a lot of crazy, nothing crazy. My mom never put me in danger or anything like that. So it just a lot of crazy crazy.
So where do you want to.
Start, Well, uh, let me think, uh one time, my how it worked is my mom when she no, no, I'll start a little earlier than that. So my mom was an escort for this woman and her name was Blaze, and she kind of she was one of the ones running the first escort service, I guess in the area, and she was in a relationship with another escort and she kind of like was roughen her up a little bit.
And I remember just sitting in the car one day, my mom goes to get her her friend who is in a relationship with this other lady, and I remember just watching my mom just beat this lesbians ass. Her name was blaze and just kind of just beat her ass because she was beating her her friend. And then they kind of just started their own escort service together,
like sands the beating. And I was homeschooled, and so there's like I'm sorry, I'm I'm all over the place, and so I just like I was just one of the things that I remember my mom doing to defend her friend. And then like there was just all kinds of like escorts, you know, sex workers who would just hang out at our house. Then they'd go on calls and you know, they would just they'd bring their kids. It was it was a very strange kind of like a community growing up community of a lot of queer women,
a lot of like LGBT people and their kids. And there's still kind of like a little bit of shame like talking about it because it's you. You bring up sex work, and people kind of squick out and they're like, oh, like your mom was a bad person or you know those people are that I don't know, does that make sense?
What how does this affect that you? What do you do these days? Well?
I did get into online sex work, and I think it affected me because like I was never in a public school, and we did homeschooling or I guess you would call it unschooling, so it's not kind of self directed learning. I think it's uh affected me because like I can't really you know, people talk about their childhood and like it's either like really really bad or they have like kind of normal childhood, and I don't really
relate to a lot of the experiences. And then when I do kind of open up, which is so weird. I'm opening up to the internet right now. That's crazy. But like talking to like, you know, regular people, sometimes people get close to it can feel I don't know, really isolating and like there's a lot of Judgie stuff. And I ended up doing some of that work myself.
And so I was like, uh, I know, are you Are you still close with your mom?
Oh?
Yeah, she's great, We're very close.
Does she still run the escort business?
No, she she stopped doing that and we moved from the city that she was doing that, and because one of her friends was murdered and so she kind of like packed us up and then we lived in a kind of a big city and then we moved to a really small town and a very country kind of town.
And so.
Like that portion of my life, I was about a teenager. I think I was like fourteen. That portion of my life was really weird because we went from this big city and you know, kind of diverse people to not a lot of different people and like adjusting to that life and like a lot of the values were very different.
I mean, I guess it's never been acceptable. But there was a pretty heavy like evangelical, evangelic cool overtone in the town we lived in because it's very small, and so could not open up about it.
So what did she start doing when you guys moved.
Well, she had a lot of money stays up because she had been doing it, oh for years, and then she, like I said, she she was an escort and then she kind of developed her own like service, and then she had people working for her. So she was able to make a pretty decent, you know, life for herself. So she was about that for a little bit. But then she just got a regular job at a grocery store and then met my stepdad and you know that
was that. It was like that chapter was closed. And as far as there's cars.
How old are you now, I'm twenty nine. Oh, so this is about fifteen years ago. M does your huh so? And do you are are you do? Are you still doing like the camming stuff?
No?
I stopped because I got a pretty good job at a doggy daycare. No, I don't do that anymore. I mean not that I'm opposed to it, Like I could probably take it back up if I ever needed the.
Extra, you know, And what's the deal with your dad? Is he in the picture at all? Oh?
My biological dad is not. He tried to set us on spire when we were kids, so I try to burn the house down with us in it. So he's he went to prison and you know, not a part of the life or our life at all.
Why the hell did he do that?
You know? He was an alcoholic, super abusive. I was probably like three, so I don't remember that it completely, but there's a lot of back and forth with my mom and my biological dad. And one night he put accelerant on the doors and set the house on fire. Luckily everyone got out, but yeah, I was pretty so that's kind of that. That set the tone because my mom was terrified of him because he's on the run. They didn't catch him right away, so yeah, we didn't
have any family. My mom wasn't close with her side of the family. Obviously, my biodad's side of the family is not great.
Is he now? Is he still in prison?
I want to say no, maybe he didn't because he technically didn't murder any of us, but he did get caught for like four counts attempted.
Uh.
So I'm I want to say, if he's out, he probably got out maybe a few years ago.
I don't know.
I do not like to to think about that personally. Terrible.
H And what about your stepdad?
Oh, he's great. He's was a military medic, he was in the Air Force, so he's great. He's a pretty cool person. I call him my normal like my dad. You know, he's a good guy. He uh kind of came into our lives when we were teenagers. But he knows about it. He you know, my mom doesn't. I guess she didn't. Obviously she's not going to keep it a secret from her husband. But she did tell him and he was okay with it. And yeah, it's just it's like, I don't know how to like it's it happened so
long ago, and so it shouldn't even matter. Anymore, I guess, but it does to me.
In a weird way interesting because I was wondering. I was wondering, you know, well no, wait when you said yeah, I was wondering, like, as you're telling me all this and I know what happened about fifteen years ago, I was wondering if you were telling this to me as a you know, just an interesting anecdote about your life, or if it was something that still, uh, you know, plagues you.
I think it's a little bit of both, because you know, it's kind of like a fun fact. I was like, you know what, the therapy getical chat might want to hear this, but yeah, no, I like it probably does a little like that bothered me because nothing really terrible happened to me because of what my mom did. It's just the isolating experience of like the the perceptions of other people. They're like, oh my god, your mom was a hooker and she exposed you to other hookers, and
you know, I never saw like nothing. She'd never take me on calls like I never there was nothing, nothing like that. I'm sure that that has happened to a lot of people, but that was not the case.
Hm.
But it's just the kind of assumption that like sex workers are bad people, I guess just inherently. When do I think of it?
From from what well, I was going to say, from what you've told me. I like your mom a lot more than your dad.
Yeah, yeah, I think it's pretty cool. Like she did what she did to keep us, you know, a roof over her head, and we wanted from nothing, like we didn't just have our knees, that we had the extra stuff.
And I don't know, And how's she doing now? Is she? I mean, she seems like she's got a pretty good life. It seems like this, uh now this, I mean he's not a new guy, but your stepdad is a much better guy for her than the guy who tried to kill you guys. Absolutely, So, like is she happy and living good?
She is? She at least I think she is. We have some good talk. I mean, my childhood wasn't perfect. There was some kind of like she you know, there was things that happened that like probably weren't the best. But like you know, not putting us in a regular school, you know, that's that's created obstacles for me for getting a job, because I don't have high school transcripts. But like she's owned up to it, taken accountability for apologize. But now she's I mean, she has a lovely life.
She makes cups, she sells, makes little craft cups, and she you know, they go to craft fairs all the time and you know, sells her like her little things. And yeah, it's a pretty good life for her. My sister's got kids and she's good grandma.
So she makes these cups, she goes to craft fairs.
Mm hmm, that's what she does.
That's pretty cool.
And she makes the cups and stuff.
Yeah, you're a sister. What's her whole deal with all this? Is this still does she still think about it? And yeah, what's her experience kind of been?
Like her experience was a little bit different than mine because I was She's the oldest and I was the youngest. So my sister, I'm not gonna get into her stuff. But like some unsavory things happened, and so she doesn't really like to talk about it, you know, she kind of they all just my mom and my brother, they all just kind of moved on. And I'm like, I don't know why I'm still stuck in the past. Like because it's like I'm not ashamed of it, and I
think that I had a pretty good experience. I think I'm a well rounded person because of those experiences, like I was exposed to, especially back in the day. I don't know if anyone remembers the early two thousands of how you know, anti gay stuff was like how people were pretty homophobic, and I was exposed to that. It
was just it was completely normal for me. And then, like you know, I learned a lot, and I just feel like there's not a really like a safe place to like talk about it and like not feel the like obligatory like I have to express how that's probably not the best thing or whatever. I just want to talk about it in my experience. I don't know, I'm rambling. I'm so sorry.
Well, it's like I don't know, I just keep thinking about the comparison, because I mean, you know, you're talking about when we're talking about like I guess bad childhoods or like bad I guess we're talking about like like parenting, like the sort of what is good or bad parenting, It's like, well, at the very if we compare your mom to your dad, your mom did did pretty well.
By you, you know, so so if if if the standard of a bad parent is to you know, set their children on fire, I think that you know, you're you had a pretty good mom and you still have a good relationship with her, and you seem like you have a good life, so you know, as long as you're happy with uh, your relationship with her and how everything turned out that I I don't know if it matters so much what uh you know other people think, Yeah, you.
Think that that's like the answer, right, and it should be. It's correct. It's just like that lingering feeling of shame is still there for some reason, and I don't know how to get.
Rid of it. And I don't know why have you ever talked to a real therapist about this?
I have?
What did they say?
I this is gonna sound terrible, but I have opened up about that part because because I'm like, what if.
When you say that part, do you mean just do you mean everything we've we've been talking about?
Yeah, really like not everything, Like I'll dance around it. I won't. I'll just it's not I don't. It's lying by omission. So like I'll talk about experiences like oh, I'll say I had an underworth it out of childhood. I just homeschooled, and I'll just kind of dance around that.
Why do you have I'm curious. I'm very curious as to why you avoid talking about it with your real therapist, but yet you're you feel comfortable talking about it in front of you know, ten thousand internet strangers.
I think it's because I've watched your stream for really a long time and I've heard people call in and like, you know, tell you really insane things about their life and that you know, I don't just look for your reaction. I like the chat isn't really good about you know, not being digs for the most part. Uh and so, and there's like that vale of anonymity. You're not going to know who I am, Like like I could say it and then just like it's like a confessional, you know.
So, I mean, as your therapist provided you with anything helpful even out of the lack of information you've given them on this.
Oh absolutely absolutely, I'm a better person for therapy. But I know the big thing is that you've got to be really honest with your therapist. And I should absolutely talk to this talk to my therapist about this but it's just that shame. You know what I'm talking about.
I don't.
I don't even know why it's there, and so I should I should absolutely do that.
Mm hmm. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, yeah, you know. I I hope, I hope that this that you know, talking about all this stuff was helpful for you. Thanks for telling us all about this stuff. It's certainly very very fascinating. I hope you know, uh, you know, anytime someone is talking about something and like this that's uh personal to them, I'm I hope, I hope you I hope you've got to benefit out of it of some kind cathartic or mm hmmm. So, and how is
your brother doing. He's cool, your mom's cool. It's just you and your sister.
Yeah, my brother's doing great, guys, motorcycle. He's living his life. He doesn't really have kids. I don't have kids either. My sister's got kids. And I don't know. He's seems happy. I'm sure he's got his own life stuff. No one can truly I get. I don't want to say happy content. I guess m hm, he's not, you know, struggling with addiction or anything.
Like that.
I'm not struggle with addiction besides nicotine, and my sister's the same, So I mean we're pretty good. I think you.
Gotta keep Look, dude, I'm a big fan of lowering the uh what would you call it? Lowering the standards?
You know.
I think if you're not addicted to drugs and killing people, you're doing pretty all right in this world.
I think so.
Yeah, of course. What's your name again?
Ashley?
Ashley? Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. I'm gonna cut that party, you know what. No, I'm gonna keep it in.
No, keep it. It's important.
Well, Ashley, is there anything else you wanna say to the fund? There was one other question I was going to ask you. I fucking forgot what it was. We're gonna keep this part into Ashley, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Y'all be good to yourself, I guess, and that'll be good to me.
And thank you.
Bye, Ashley?
All right, bye.
See. I should start my own and uh business of gecko escorts. I don't know what they would do. I don't know if it would be a sex thing. It might just be like a you can hang out with somebody in a gecko costume. Yeah, that'll I'm gonna do that. Never goes on the line taking your phone calls every night, never goes to a a ride. He's teaching you aloud to them of your life, but he's not really an expert.