All from Georgia.
Hello.
Oh my god.
Wait, I'm sorry I didn't Okay, okay, I'm a little surprised.
I'm George said Georgia. Not very good to be talking to you on the Gecko Show. How's life?
It's complicated, That's actually why I called.
Okay, tell me what's up. So?
I have an older brother, right, and he's twenty three, I'm nineteen. And I found out that he's been using my toothbrush, right.
But there's more than that.
And then I wore on my work computer and he was buying stuff for like his Xbox and all that, right, And then I go to school on the day, right, And I had a dog and I would sleep with my dog. And he came in my room in the middle of the night and was like, I'm going to murder you and burn your room down if you sleep with your dog and I have to walk him while you're at school.
Wow, this is really escalated fast.
Yeah.
Yeah, it just keeps getting bigger, you know what I mean?
Does it end there?
No, it doesn't know what finish. So like, for example, right, i I'll have like I want to eat very specific foods, right, And because I don't feel like cooking, and when I come home from school, I just want to make something quickly eat it and then go do my homework and go to work, right, and he'll eat it all. He'll get really high and eat it all. So I had to start hiding, like all.
Of my food and all my what's your name again, Georgia, Georgia? Does it get worse? Because you you kind of if this fluctuated because you started with he used your teeth brush, and then you said he threatened to kill you, and then you said it gets worse, but you said, you went, he's okay. You went from uh, he used your toothbrush to he threatened to murder you and your dog to he eats your food. Those they're one of those things sticks out to me.
Yeah, okay, okay, Yeah, I mean he just kind of has the habit of taking shit and then murdering me. And then I caught him, like so one of my friends, she's a lot younger than me, she's like sixteen, and I caught him like watching her on dress Jesus. So yeah, yeah, like I was kind of I was building up to that.
See I feel like you should have gone toothbrush eating your food and then you know somebody you could intertain intertwine that with the murder thing. Yeah, what's the what's I I I don't know. I'm at a loss. What's the deal with this guy?
So he all, okay, okay, it's not funny, but it is. So he is bipolar, right, and he he was sent to the mental hospital because he was like, you know, I tried to kill myself and he didn't like and I feel shitty saying that I do. But he kind of uses it above our heads as a way to like get out of being held accountable for all of this. And I don't I don't know, Like I really think his like mental excuse only goes so far. I just think he's a weirdo. He's not my fault. He's my stepbrother.
He's not my full like brother. But yeah, I don't, I don't know. He just it.
Yeah, and you two live in the same house as your your parents.
Yeah, so we live. Oh well, so we live with his dad and my mom, and his dad is really like he feels really bad about what happened with him because he will be like, oh, I tried to kill myself, so what I do doesn't matter, and my mom's not like that. But my mom's a paramedic, right, so she's gone for like two three days at a time, so like there's really nothing she can do, you know what I mean, we both we live.
With both of our parents though, and like have you what have your parents done to like, Uh, I don't know. I mean, I don't even know what they can do to like, you know what, what if? What are their thoughts on the sky and on all of his antics?
So my mom is not a fan. It's kind of gotten to the point though, where she doesn't want to deal with the arguing anymore. She doesn't want to be in the middle of it all because I can't straight up confront him, you know, Like I'm a big girl, Like I'm five nine, and like I can hold my own you know what I mean.
I mean, I don't know if I don't know if the solution is to beat him up, I don't know whatether that's necessarily going to like do productively for the situation.
What.
No, Like I'm scared he's gonna try and get physical with me, okay, So I have to go through my mom if anything happens, right, and she'll go to his dad but his dad won't do anything like it's it's and it's just he's just weird and he's like he'll creep on me when I'm on the phone and he'll listen to my conversations, or like I'll catch him going through my room and then he'll try and tell me he didn't when he's in my room, Like, I just I don't know what he's doing in here.
You wait, hold on real quick. Did you say did you say rum or room?
Room?
Never mind like bedroom m hm.
And And so I assume you're living at home because you're going to school and working and just trying to save as much money as you possibly can. Yeah, ah, but your parents are not going to do anything about this guy.
I mean, my mom has tried. She'll she'll yell at him and she'll confront him. But it only like it only makes it like hot, like it only makes it more hostile almost because and they won't talk to me, you know what I mean, Like I'll get like shunned.
Mm hmmm mmm mmmm. Are you in genuine fear of your safety?
Uh? No, because he's he can have he'll like lash out like he's kind of a bitch. If you know what I mean, Like, he's not. He'll like go on his rum and cry if you raise your.
Voice at him.
Are you saying Are you saying rum to be funny? Or is that how you say it?
That's how I say it? I'm sorry?
Is that Where are you from?
I'm from Boston?
Is that a Boston thing? It does rum?
It might be, I don't, I don't know. It might just be my accent. I grew up in New Bedford, but I go between Boston and Providence.
That's this?
Is this?
Is that's the same accent that that girl from Wolf of Wall Street had, right? Or is that New York? They sound very similar.
New York and Boston are pretty similar.
Uh.
I don't know if she was from Boston though.
Wait damn does this Does this guy have a Boston accent too?
Yes?
Oh he's a fucking menace. All right, here's the thing I feel like. First of all, First of all, I'm sorry that all this is happening to you, because, like you know, when you're nineteen, like living at home with your parents, if you have the opportunity to it rocks.
It's the best you save money, you live life. It's like what you should do in my opinion, But if you genuinely are feeling like unsafe and like you're just in constant fear of this fucking guy, Uh, can you afford to like move out and live with a bunch of roommates or something like that.
I can, But I probably should have mentioned this earlier. My mom is terminally ill right and she's not well, my god right now. She has a genetic disease. And so she was for a time, for like a time period for like two years, she was you know, like if we didn't touch it, and they put her on like it's some form of chemo to kind of keep it in check. But if they didn't touch it when they did, she would have died. But the thing is is that when all of that was happening, I was
the only one taking care of her. So I'm scared. Like I'm mainly wanting to stay for my mom because like we're like we're more like sisters, the mother and daughter, Like we have a really close and good relationship. I love her at best, but like it's kind of getting to the point where as soon as I get what I need to get done, I think I'm going to leave. And if she gets sick again, I'll come back to
take care of her. But I'm just worried that, you know, she doesn't tell me, or if she doesn't tell me, how bad it is that she's just going to be like left on her own because she was like fully bedbound, couldn't get up, couldn't go to the kitchen, couldn't get to the bathroom. And I was the only one helping her, And like when I was at school or when I had something to do, she wouldn't eat all day. No one would get her a drink, no one would help
her to the bathroom. You know, I'd be the one to have to do all that, And I'm just I don't want to, do.
You think, I mean, I don't. Like then you might have to talk to a you might have to talk to lawyer gecko here, But like, has this guy done enough ship to you that you you you think you can get like a restraining order against him?
I don't, I don't know.
I don't.
I think that would be too much because I don't think he's like he lives with us because he he's never really worked, you know what.
Yeah, yeah, And I understand why you don't. I understand why you wouldn't want to do that either, because you know you have it. Don't let me put words in your mouth. But it sounds like you have compassion for him because he's genuinely mentally ill and that might not have anywhere else to go.
Yeah, Like I don't want to put him on like his ass or like them to kick him out. And to the point, my mom she was ready to leave her husband because she was like, if you leave, I leave. And you know, I don't want it to get to that point, and I don't want her to like put herself in that position, you know what I mean? And
just like I don't. I just I feel bad, like even with everything he's done and how creepy he has done, you know, like I just nobody should be living on the streets, you know what I mean.
Man, you're like a You're a grizzled fifty five year old Boston dad. You're like a grizzled seventy year old Boston grandfather in a nineteen year old girl's body. You know what.
That is actually not the first time I've heard that.
I mean, good on you, Good on you, Georgia. This you're dealing with a This is a lot of stuff going on, Yeah, a lot of stuff that you're dealing with.
Yeah, it's it's complicated, and you know, it's just like it's just because I love my mom so much, you know, like she's genuinely my best friend, and you know, she was a single mother raising me for a very very long time. You know. They didn't move in with us until my junior year of high school, so pretty much until I was seventeen, it was just me and her, and I like, it's mainly that I don't feel right in giving her the ultimatum, and I don't feel right leaving her, you know what I mean.
Okay, so you're telling me you're dealing with your your bipolar brother, your terminally ill mom, and you're going to school and you're working and you're only nineteen. Mm hmm, Well listen, Georgia. I don't know if I believe in a god, or if I believe in karma, or if I even really believe that, you know, what you put
into the universe comes back at you. But I hope all those fucking things are true, because because if it does, you deserve at all expenses paid trip to the Nickelodeon Hotel in Orlando, Florida.
Thank you.
Yeah, I don't know what are you going to school for?
So I'm finishing up my diploma. I didn't have a lot of stuff happened and I couldn't finish it at the time. And then after that, I want to go to college for well, I want to go to film school.
Cool. Yeah, Georgia, do me a favor. I rarely tell people what I mean. I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure I tell people to do all the time. But do me a favor. If you can get a scholarship or like a fast foot or something, then by all means, go and have a great time and like fuck around and make stuff. But please don't go into debt to go to film school. It's a terrible idea.
I actually so where I live right I get two years of college for free. So I was gonna test the waters and see how I like it and then go from there.
Okay, just yeah, just because if you're dealing because everything you're dealing with right now, if you add like tens and tens and tens and tens of thousands of dollars of debt into it, it will suck even harder.
I know, Like I was just having a conversation with my friend about this, and she was trying to convince me to go to a private college, and I'm like, I don't want to put myself in debt. Like I just feel like.
That if you if you told me you wanted to be like a doctor or a lawyer or something, then go for it. But you know, I mean, you can go to film school on YouTube for free, So make movies, please buy all by by all means like you know you don't. You don't even have to wait to go to film school to make movies. You can make movies anytime anywhere. But uh, okay, what are you? What are you working as right now? What do you? Where do you go to work?
So I work from home, but I work for a MS doilling company and pretty much whatever. You go to the hospital and you take an ambulance, you get a bill for it and or like your insurance does and I take all your like medical records and I attast them to your file.
Mm.
Yeah, I mean it's a pretty good paying job, you know. And then once I'm out of school, I will get a better job in the company and I'll make more money. But I just don't have the time to be working full.
Time right now.
Well, geez, Georgia, you're you're more of an adult than I am.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Is there, I guess. Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about at all, in in in terms of this entire situation or or life or anything like that, or or if not wanted to say to the people of the computer before we go.
I mean, that's up to you. You know, I have other stuff going on in my life with my friends.
Do you want to hear about it?
Yeah, sure, I'll hear what's going on with your friends?
Okay.
So I've been friends with the same people since I was little, right, And I personally I don't date, you know, I just feel like I'm not in the emotional state and I don't have time. But every once in a while, you know, I'll talk to somebody who will date, but it's never too serious. Right. And I dated this guy, Michael, and we were together for maybe two years off and on.
He was really toxic. To sum it up, the reason we ended up like breaking up for real, was because I was at my grandfather's funeral and He's like, where is it I can pull up and I was like why, and he's like, so we can hook up, like we can, and I was like, no, that's not happening. So he broke up with me, and I was like, good riddans, you know. But then my best friend, uh, Mikayla, she dates him and I date my ex. I really don't care, you know, like I have no emotional attachment to them.
But it was just the ex she decided to date. I was like, I was a little upset. I was like I didn't even like yell at her confront of her. I'm like why, like explain, like why do you want to.
Be with this person?
You know, like you know he's shitty, you know what he's done, and.
So you're okay, so you brought you break up with this guy because he asked you if you wanted to fuck him at your grandfather's funeral. And then your friend's like, you know what, this guy he sounds pretty awesome. I think I'm going to get with him.
Yes, that's exactly how it went.
And has that going for your friends?
So he cheated on her and they ended up having to break up. Right, But now MICHAELA has like a superiority complex, and she's rubbing in our other friends' faces that she's had sex because one of our friends she's really inexperienced, and it's it's not like for any she just really stand offish, you know what I mean. And it's something that she's int tocure about. And she was like, at least I have experienced. And I swear to God the universe, the universe made sure I wasn't there because
I would have. I would have plopped it. I would have been like, what's wrong with you? And she like, even so, she'll still call me and be like, I miss Michael. I'm gonna kill myself because I'm still in love with him. I'm like, I'm not the one to call about that.
Where Michael. Michael's the guy that wanted to that tried to boot to call you at the funeral?
Yeah, yeah, what is to you, Michael? Bro I don't even know. Like he just decided because we got into an argument and over him being toxic and I'm like, you're not toxic, Michael, Like I'm not having this conversation with you when we first started dating, and since then he just kept saying getting more and more toxic, and his own like he just I don't know. He's just a teenage boy, you know what.
I'm a you know, honestly, Georgia, after everything you've told me, I think I'm just gonna blame it on the city of Boston. I think it's just filled with crazy people.
It sounds no, you should like Boston is filled with a bunch of broads who don't know they're right from their left.
Hey, come see me at Arts in the Armor. I think I think it's the name Arts and Armory in Boston. I'm playing there in March. It's gonna be sick. Invite Michael.
I will try and bring Michael. I will. I'll hit him up and be like, you have to come with me.
Well, Georgia, Georgia again, Uh sude? You know it's you verse. It's it's really it really is just you versus the city of Boston, isn't it?
Yeah?
It is.
Well, you're doing a great job. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Good luck you all have a great life.
I wish you all the best.
Hey, take care, Georgia, Thank you too.
Yo.
What if we hooked up in the casket that'd be crazy.
All from Lou.
Hello, Hi, Hey, how's it going. I'm doing alright? Have we ever spoken before?
We have not?
Now, Well, very nice to meet you, Lou. What's going on with you tonight?
Yeah? I just I just got home from from a work trip and I'm just chilling.
How was your work trip? Where did you go?
It was good. I went to Kansas City for like our big holiday party. But it was funny because I not only was it a holiday party, my first holiday party with this company, but like the first time I met everyone on my team and my boss and all my.
Coworkers because you guys are probably all all zoomies.
Yeah yeah, we all work remote so for the most part. But oh yeah, oh yeah my boss kind of did That's cool?
Did he.
Did?
Was he weird to anyone?
Yeah?
I mean like in a funny way, like in a way where like his coworker was a little like like chill out, and who's his equal? I live? I live in Denver. So they were like they were just immediately like, oh do you smoke weed? And the other guy looked he was like, my boss is inappropriate ask and then he looks at her and he's like the other guy He's like, well, like maybe a little bit she reports into you, And I'm like, I don't know how to answer this.
Hold on, here's what bothers me. There was alcohol at this party, right. That's fucking so I hate. I hate how stigmatized weed is. It's so fucking weird. Who gives a shit? It's fucking legal, you know. I think if he asked you if you did coke and if you had any coke right now that he could have, that might have been a little inappropriate. But I digress. Do you have coke that you can send me over the mail?
No? Do you?
What do you do for work?
I work? I work in advertising?
Okay, what should I buy? Advertise me something?
Oh my gosh, like nothing? Will you over consume?
I think so too? I think so too. Advertising is weird. Hold On, you know it's gonna be so funny. I'm about to go on a huge rant about average tizing, and then right after this call, I'm gonna be doing ad reads so perfect. I don't know advertising. It's like, I don't get that. I don't understand how it works because like, I've never bought anything I've seen off. Actually, I don't know if that's necessarily maybe like one, maybe there's been like a service, but like, ultimately I don't
think I've ever bought anything from an ad, have you? Yeah?
Well, I mean I definitely, like I definitely bought stuff I don't need, you know, like if it's really good and I like the packaging or like the colors they use, because like most of advertising is like what does it make you feel? And like if you feel like you trusted or like it feels familiar, then you know you're
gonna you're gonna be more likely to buy it. But like, really what advertising is is like finding the people who actually need what you have and then and then making it easier and convincing them that they.
Should buy it.
So right, right, But there's some things where it's like who needs that? When I see, like like you're on the you're on the bus and you see like an ad for like two hundred dollars sunglasses, Who fucking needs that? Why do they have an ad for that?
No one needs two hundred dollars glasses. I've certainly never boughten sunglasses that are more than like twenty bucks.
Un chin, I was, uh, someone asked me the other day what I like to, like if there's anything I like to splurge on. And I don't know. I'm not a fashion guy. I wear the same gecko suit every day, and when I'm not wearing that, I'm wearing like a T shirt that I got from something I don't Most of the T shirts I have in my wardrobe I are not things I bought. There's things that I stumbled upon throughout living my life, and like a pair of jeans, So it's usually just a solid color shirt, a pair
of jeans, no jewelry, no ice. I'm very lame, so there's no fashion. I don't like furniture. My furniture is shitty. I don't know. I don't know. I just want I want to save. I just want to save so that I don't have to like fucking do anything, you know what I mean?
Yeah, I can't. I don't even know. Like I I'm not slurging now. The transmission on my car dive, so I have to like repair that I use. I mean, I feel like most of my money would go to like going out to eat and food.
That's that's that'll be that's a big slurge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like there's no advertisement for that unless you're going to like buffore Wild Thinks or something.
Which I am. But you know what, I'm gonna do a free ad read for buffalo wild wings. You should go to Buffalo Wild Wings and you should get you should get some wings, some boneless wings tossed in old bay and barbecue.
Ya. That's the way. But what are you getting to drink?
What am I getting to drink? Well? What kind of night are we having?
It's a Friday night.
It's Friday night. A man, I might get a this is the lame, but I might get a milk stout. I'm a big like the dark beers al stout. Interesting, Yeah, I mean what yeah? Like food. But here's the thing with food. It's like even even like you go to a restaurant and you get a chicken sandwich and it's you know, uh, forty five dollars now, so just going just eating food, eating food is kind of splurging in a way. You could save way more money through photosynthesis.
That's why plants have so much invested in the stock market, because they save so much by photosynthesizing that they're able to invest it afterwards, and that's how they build wealth.
Yeah, that's true.
Why there's so many rich You know, it's funny to say that because I actually thinking about it, because I was traveling for work, so I got to spend most of my meals and I did.
Splurge on Oh well, that's different if it's on look, if it's on somebody else's dime, go crazy.
Yeah yeah, I got like the nice this stuff I got. It was like barbecue. I got brisket, chance brisket and oh yeah, and just a bunch of like Southern style food. It was delicious.
What's the other thing. I I've only flown first class one time ever in my life, and that was because it was on someone else's dime. But that's a thing where I'm like that. I don't know. I don't get that. That's like it just increases the price of your trip by like double and it's over. Once you land, you get you you've gained no anything of any lasting value.
Was it worth it? Was it worth flying first clock?
Like?
Was it a better experience?
I mean it was, it was a better experience. It's it's not one that I would have paid for myself. I think, hold on, I'm gonna give another This is I'm gonna give I'm gonna give another free advertising shout out right now, just because I've been wanting to do this. I've been trying. I've been wanting to reach out to these guys because I would love to do a partnership with them. If they're listening, if anyone's listening, if anyone
knows anyone who knows anyone, I am, I am. What's your name again, Lou, I am the biggest fan of Spirit Airlines. Dude, Okay, hold on, bear dude, all right, Spirit Airlines. Everyone everyone hates Spirit Airlines. Everyone talks shit on Spirit Airlines. Everyone's like, oh, Spirit Alnes, you're flying the plane. But you know what Spirit Airlines. This is from the bottom. This is like from the bottom of
my heart. Spirit Airlines. They make it cheap and easy to travel, Like that's the like, you know, that's the thing is people want to travel places, they want to go places and do stuff, but it's it's expensive and yes, you know, the seats are tiny and shitty and bad, but like you get the most important part of my air travel experience is to arrive at the place that I wanted to go to, and they guarantee that you do that sort of at a at a reasonable price,
at a competitive price. And I respect that about Spirits every time. Every time I see Spirit splant slander out there, I'm like, you know, you you make a plane, you go do it because you know these guys are doing it for cheap. I think, yeah, I like them. I like Ryanair, I like Front Tier, all those like low cost airlines. I fuck with them. So look, if you know anyone, lud, do you know anyone at Spirit Airlines that can give me a sponsorship?
I don't, but Spirit, if you're listening, you should totally do some kind of paid partnership with Kak.
There's also on Spirit Airlines they have and no other airlines, even the fancy airlines, they don't do this. At Spirit Airlines. They have sweet and sour stir fry. You can buy a couple. You can get a cup of noodles, like the shitty like six thousand grams of sodium cup of noodles. I went last time I was on Spirit. I got two of them. They are delicious.
Are the places bucks? Ten bucks?
I think No, it was super cheap. I think I want ah crap? How long how much was it it was between it might have been five dollars. No, it's between five and ten. It was very affordable when you you know, yeah, when you compare just general airline food prices.
Yeah.
I flew United today, and I don't know, I was like kind of surprised because I was sitting there, like, and I had the middle seat too, which is the worst, and it's like a full flight, and I'm like sitting in my middle seat, and I was like, why didn't I just fly like a shitty or cheaper airline. I mean, I wasn't paying for it, and the time sorts out
better for me. But I'm like I was kind of looking around it, like the seat with I'm like, there's really like nothing extra about you know, but I guess you United. It could be classified. But I don't know. This is the thing everybody has, like when you talk about advertising, everybody sees these airlines differently, like partially based on experience, but like even like regionally they're different. Because United is great out of Denver, but in other parts
of the country it's terrible. People would fly Frontier O Reunited just because maybe like it's better out or something like that.
Somebody in the chat. I know, I'm not supposed to read chat, but somebody in the chat suggested that I, uh work with Spirit Airlines to get a gecko wrapped airplane, a green gecko plane. Let's do it, Come on, it'd be it would actually I don't, let's do it, so green gecko therapy Gecko's Spirit Airlines.
Yeah, what if they did like one one gecko seat, like one green seat.
In uh in first class or something too, the green first class gecko seat.
I like that.
I like that they don't have actually they don't have first class. They just have the big seat.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Well, this has been a nice conversation, you know, in consideration of what the podcast normally is. I feel like the podcast it's compiled of calls from different time periods, so I don't know what call is going to be before this or after this, but I feel like, you know, normally we're talking about you know, people's parents trying to kill them and you know, crazy stuff. So this was
this was nice. I mean, by the way, Lou, if you have uh you said you tried to call a hundred times, I don't know if you have like a a real thing, not that you know, talking about Spirit airlines. A coup of noodle stir fry isn't real, but if you do, you have it. Do you have a real thing you wanted to talk about before we go?
No, like, nothing impressing. I mean, like, you know, typical, just bullshit out of everyone's life. But I think this conversation was far more interesting.
I think so too, Lou. Is there anyth else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Just do what feels right in real life, enjoy it, and don't buy too much shit that you don't.
Except for whatever I'm about to talk about in the following ad read that comes after this call.
Yeah, and as a side note, I do want to say you're Jimmy John's episode that was fantastic.
Ah, thank you.
That was very well done. I was like, loved it, loved it, loved it good good.
Yeah.
For those who don't know, I did a I did. I did a brand deal with Jimmy John's for their pickle chips where I rolled around as a pickle. It is fun.
It's hilarious.
But anyways, Gay, thanks, thanks for the chat. I have a nice Friday night and and uh yeah, nice Chatain God.
Blessed, Take care, lou bye. Come on Spirit Airlines coupon code something. I will get the whole where I will get the worlds. That's my that's what I want. I want the world to change its mind about Spirit Airlines. And just because it's I just I'm just grateful that you can, you know, go from New York to Denver for forty dollars. I mean, you know, you might break a bone getting wedged in between you know, a thousand
people on the way, but but you'll get there. That's that's that's what the that's what the the new tagline of Spirit Airlines should be. You'll get there. You might uh, there might be some delays, there might be uh some cancelations, but you'll get there. God damn it.
All from.
Hello. Hello, who is this?
Oh god, sorry, this is like a no, it's just bread. Oh gosh.
Fred Fred Fred, stay com freend, stay calm, stay calm Fred. It's friend Fred, Fred Fred. Are you there?
Yes?
All right? Fred?
I need you to do I need you to do me a favorite friend, Red, Red, Red, I need read, I need you to take me off of the speakerphone. Sorry, okay, are you there?
Yeah?
Red? How old are you read nineteen? Okay, what's up you sound? You seem distressed immediately.
Well, I didn't think you'd actually pick up. I mean, I mean, even though I call it like a billion.
Times, that's what happens to you. Yeah, that's what happens. Like, that's that's typical. Typically, the idea behind the phone is you call and somebody picks up and you talk to them. So we've we've done the U calling. We got past that part. We we got past the part where I picked up, and now we are in the stage where we talked to one another. And so I ask you, read, what is it you would like to talk about.
When you like?
Okay, so when you like do something like something like mundane, like a like a random task or whatever. I know, this is like a really really weird question. Do you like, can you like picture in your head like what you're doing when you do that? Is it like a thing you obsess over or is it just like or do you just like do the thing? So like if I were to take a drink of like water, and I like drink the water. Right, I'm sorry, this is like a really weird plan.
I'm with you, I'm with you. Keep going.
It's like when you do like a mundane task, do you actually picture yourself like doing that in your head as you do it or is it just like subconscious m hm m hmm.
I think well, it depends. Like I'm like today, I I I'm I'm I'm living. I'm living out of an airbnb right now, and I uh took my clothes out of my backpack. Normally I will I will just live out of a backpack or out of a suitcase. But today I made an intentional decision to take my clothes and put them in a dresser in the airbnb, and that that was something I thought about and then did.
Whereas like drinking whereas, but that's because I don't do it very often, so I have to make the decision, Whereas something like drinking water, I just do it, you know, I don't. I don't think about it, you know. So it depends on what the task is. Sometimes I'll think about a thing and do it, and the other times I'll just you know, it's it's it's habitual, it's nature. Do you have do you have like a weird out of body experience where you fold laundry and while you're
folding laundry. You're thinking about yourself folding laundry.
Well, it's more associated this as a home. My god, I literally cannot speak more associative.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean I have a more like pressing question, but like a little bit worried to like talk about it being on it.
I don't think there's anything more pressing than whatever we were just talking about. But well, okay, before you bring up this thing, what is there a reason in particular why you you might not want to talk about it before we talk about it?
Well, oh gosh, I need to stuff saying that. That's corny as I'm.
Sorry, all good, don't don't don't, don't think about it.
Okay, it's sort of personal, but I guess that's the point of this stream and stuff.
I mean, look, man, not necessarily you if if if you, if you heard other people talk about personal things on the podcast and you're like, oh, that sounds like something I might want to do, and you're here now and you want to talk about it, you can. But if you want to keep talking about drinking water while thinking about drinking water, we can do that too. It's up to you.
Mm hm. Well, I guess I wanted Okay, well I kind of wanted to ask, uh that sort of question because like I guess, I just you know, I mean, I yeah, yeah, sorry, I guess like every action I do and stuff, I you know, like it's like a you know, like a like a like a guy, and I don't really like it.
I'm not sure what you just said, but I think you are attempting to communicate that you overthink everything that you do.
And say pretty much. I guess that's the point. So I hate being seen as a guy, and I hate feeling as a guy, and I hate doing everything, you know, feeling like one and being seen as one. But I just feel like one and I act like one, and I hate all of it. Like any simple action I do, I just see a guy and I don't like it.
And it's a little frustrating because like for a while, I uh thought, you know, I guess my frands or something, and so I started you know, hrt and stuff, and like it's weird because I'm falling back into this thing where like where like I'm feeling like a guy in them, but like it doesn't feel good, right, It doesn't feel good thinking about it. So like even if it was true, it's like, I just it's just weird.
I was like, so you do so you so you do not wish to be a man, but whenever you are doing a muntane a mundane task, you envision yourself as a man doing it, and that makes you feel.
Bad pretty much. It's like it's just frustrating. It's like, what can you like, like I feel like it, but I just I hate it so much. I'm sorry. This is like it's just like it's like I keep considering stopping, but every time.
I do stopping stopping your your home art, your hormone therapy.
Yeah, but whenever I do think about it, like I just I don't know, let's do because like I feel on a weird spot because like I can't really go back because it doesn't the idea of going back so bad.
But like, well, hilla here here. Well, first of all, so I so listen. I mean, I assume that this hormone therapy. And by the way, I have no idea what I'm talking We're in like medical territory here, so I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, But like, are you I assume this hormone therapy was prescribed to you by some sort of doctor.
I mean it was, but be honest, like it was informed consent. I kind of just like you know.
You said you said it was informed consent pretty much. So listen, I mean read. I feel like if you're having if you're having a well, let me ask you, this is all this stuff. Have you talked to your doctor about it? And if you have, what have they What have they told you?
I don't know. I mean I've talked to my therapist about this stuff, and it's like I don't know. I just kind of wanted to get like some outside opinion or an outside not opinion, but like you know, an outside kind of.
Well, well, well, well tell me, Well tell me first. I mean, when you talk to your doctor or your therapist, what what did they tell you?
Oh? I mean not I brought up like ice because I do have that, and uh, I do fixate on things, and I do fixate on other things. But like I just feel really weird and conflicted because I feel bad about things, and I also feel good about things that I like, but like it's just I just feel stuck in limbo. I don't know what. I don't know. I know, like, but it's like such a weird thought, right, I keep like,
I give myself permission. It's like, you know, if you ended up being like a guy or whatever, that's fine, you know, I give myself that permission. And then.
Well, look, I mean I'll say a few things if you if if you want, in my perspective, I think, I mean, well, first of all, well, well listen, I mean, what did you what? Still my question remains, what did your therapist and tell you.
In regards to like being stuck in limbo? Yes, I don't actually remember the specifics of the being honest, okay, really probably do.
You remember any crumb of anything helpful that they told you?
I could try, but like, I guess my thoughts are kind of all over the place. But if I remember, it's like the idea oory, I don't mean the book. I know, this is like a very bizarre like situation. I'm sorry, I mean, it's like it's stupid, right, I I give myself permission. I'm like, okay, okay, it's trying if you stop, you know, and just go back to
being like just a guy or whatever. Right, But then I imagine myself doing that, and I just like I can't bring myself to do it because it just sounds bad. But it's like it's also weird because I'll have other thoughts for like, okay, I'll stop, but then like I'll be like, ohoh, but what if I have three months remaining of it, you might as well take it. But it's like what guy would like want, you know, to take hormone therapy. But well it's so I will probably someone deluted, I guess, but.
So Red, so well Red, Okay, I'm gonna tell you, I mean just from talking, I mean beyond anything, and I can't. I have no business telling you anything about you know, what hormones to take or not take. I mean, that's that's totally beyond me. But like beyond any of that, Red, like just and and beyond anything that even has anything to do with with transitioning or gender. It's like it
just sounds to me. And this is this is my armchair therapy observation, is that you sound like you're just be and just and I don't know where it comes from or anything. And I do it too, and we all are you know, U can do it a lot of times, but it sounds like you're being like just super hard on yourself for for no reason, even just now you just said a whole bunch of things, just
like kind of beating yourself up. You know, So like if I mean, give yourself a little bit of credit because you know, these issues that you're dealing with, they're very difficult issues to be dealing with. You didn't you didn't choose them, you know, but you there there are things that you have to deal with and they're they're
tough fucking things to deal with. So you know, give yourself like a little bit of credit instead of thinking that you suck as one and then two is it sounds to me another thing that I do in my personal life all the time. She sounds like you're overthinking a lot of shit. And you know, I don't know what the cure is for that, but.
You know I.
Sometimes that can be more detrimental than not and you can end up complicating things that are actually simple. So again, those are the overthinking and the beating yourself up. Those are I those are two just things that I would be cognizant of to to you know, think about and work on. And there too, they have nothing to do with whether or not you take hormones or how you identify or anything like that. So I mean just those two things in particular, and then I don't know, I
don't know as far as like the other stuff. I well, I don't know. Have you Well, let me ask you first, how do you how do you feel inside?
I hard to say. I mean, I don't really I want to say, like, I don't really feel like too much of anything.
Mm hmm.
I mean, but then again, I keep having those you know thoughts where like you know, I'm doing something and I just be like a guy, I just don't. I don't like it. But it's like that's why I consider stopping. I feel like that. But that just feels like ale conclusion that.
I'm so so I'm confused. Are these are these? Are these horror? Are these like tests? Are these hormones that like give you testosterone?
No?
No, it's so.
It's estrogen mm hmm. Okay, And so you you have this feeling that the hormones aren't working, and that's what you want to stop.
I don't think, no, they're working. I mean I just you know, like I mean, I felt pretty good on them. You don't even like at the start, but like I mean I just had to stop that like where I was, like, you know, thinking about like what if it's like what if I'm just like like, I don't know, I think I took an edible but.
Random okay, okay, all right, okay, yeah yeah at the beginning, all right, it's all good.
No, No, this is different. This is different. I'm sorry.
Sorry for do you wait? So you're you're you're very high on edible right now? No?
No, no, not right now, I sound like I am.
No.
You just see I read read so I wish. I mean, there's there's nothing I can't worm into your brain and make you not overthink things. And I'm not a real therapist, so I don't. I don't. I'm not a I don't know what one says to another to make them stop overthinking. But I mean, ship ship, right, Why do you? Why do you? Why do you look into go on Google and search for strategies to stop overthinking? You're mindfulsh or something? Because to because to me, like and really read, I
think I think like the stuff with the hormones. I mean you should totally just go talk to your doctor and be open and honest with them about that, you know, whatever, your feelings are about it, and heed their advice because they're medical professionals and you know, we're we're both pretty much gecko's who don't know anything.
So yeah, I mean I was gonna take, well, this is kind of an asshle thing to say, actually say it.
I don't care.
I kind of like, well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I could talk to a therapist all day, but like, you know, I feel like getting an outside perspectives can be helpful at times, you know, talking to these people, like.
I don't I don't think that was an asshole thing to say it. Huh.
Sorry, I was going to say something along with lines of like, you know, like this is like, you know, entertainment and all that, and you know, I take it somewhat with a grain of salt. But you know, when I was calling in, I didn't really want a grain of salt, you know. I want to say perspective, and that's what I'm getting, and so that's more.
Than a green of Sloks, like a like okay, good good. Well, uh, you know, you know again, if you're asking me from an outside perspective, I think I think it's just a matter of overthink of, you know, trying to control your overthinking and trying to not beat yourself up so much. Which, by the way, if you figure out how to do that, please come back and let me know.
I will. I mean, like, yeah, sorry, this is like a really weird You've already done something like this.
Before, right, you ain't gotten nothing to apologize for.
Yeah, I mean, okay, before I go, I have a quick question. Of course, I know you're like green and everything, but like, what's your act looks like? Your favorite color?
You wanted something crazy? Since I was a kid, or at least when I was a kid, my favorite color was green. Now it's probably black. When I'm a gecko, I'm all green, and when i'm a civilian, I'm all dressed in black. So black or green, I would say, combine them both and you get blean. So I would say blean is my favorite color.
That's that's a good color. Go ahead, that to the brand to bleed blean gecko.
I'll think about that. I like that, all right, the blean gecko, the blean lecko. That'll sound like I'm a blood.
Mm hmm, all right, Well, I mean, uh, I'm looking at chat now. This is all wow, but thanks uh for uh, you know, yeah talking. I appreciate it. It's not people actually, you know talk.
Yeah, thanks for calling and good good luck. Right. I hope you figure it out.
Yeah, well all right, have a good day. Appreciate it.
Take care of dog, all right?
Take Oh?
I like Red, I hope. I don't you know what is? You know, man, there was a point in that call, and it was when I told Red is when Red told me they were taking an edible where we just laughed. And then for about twenty seconds afterwards, Red I could tell they were feeling comfortable talking and then they tensed up again a little bit. I don't know why. I
don't know what it is. So whatever I saw, I guess I know that there's something within Red that is confidence and feels okay with, you know, saying stuff without having to overthink it all the time, Like I was saying on the call, I do that all the time. I'm myself, you know, have low self esteem in many
moments and overthink things all the time. So it's hard to talk to other people who do the same thing because I don't have a you know, I can only offer commiseration as opposed to a solution, Like I said, red, if you have you ever, if you come up with one, you let me know. If you find a good article on you know what tea leaves to shove up your ass so that you don't think you sound stupid in a conversation you had four months ago, you let me know.
Reped goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.
The Repink goes to and a ride. He's teaching you cloud in the mid of your life, but he's not really an expert.