THE SOUND OF SCOTT

Goes on the line, thinking of his own calls every night, goes to side.

I'm teaching you your life.

All from Rose.

Rose. Hello Rose? Who are you with? You're at like a party? Who are you? Have so many friends?

No, I'm not at a party with my I remember with my roommate.

Tell me about your roommates. How many of them are there? The human beings or are the animals?

They're human beings, but they can be pretty crazy.

Okay are you Are you not from the US?

No?

No, I was born in the US, but my mom's from the U.

K Oh okay, nice rock and roll? What so? How many people are you with? Total? Because I want all their favorite sounds?

Oh okay, you want all their favorite sounds.

Okay, well let's start with you. What's whereas? What's your favorite sound?

I really like it's really weird. I like listening to different card chimes.

Different car chimes, like what kind of car like? Like kind of car chimes?

It can be any card chime. I just like you know when you open a door to the car and you know, maybe you left your keys in, or the light song and it goes singing thing like those they just hit different. They're funky and people design them though you.

Know what, you know, what's funny you say that because some of them I like, like you know when I uh do you know when? Like a car? Do you have you ever had a car with like an automatic trunk or something like that.

Uh? I have not had one, but I've seen some.

Yeah, like like I was in a carpool and shinned, so I had like a car, but there's like an automatic trunk and like an automatic like the sound that an automatic trunk makes when it's closed. He goes boom boo blo. She slaps what's your favorite?

Which?

Which of your carchimes is your favorite?

Which?

Which? Which one?

I gotta like my own car? Time?

Can you do an impression of your own of your car?

Time?

Yeah?

That's your fucking slaps.

It's so cute.

It is cute, and you know what that must be. Uh, that's hard because like they want that. The sound is supposed to get you to want to leave, but you like it. So it encourages you to drive without a seatbelt, which is kind of dangerous.

Yeah, it's it's speaking to you. It's like, hey, I just want you to be safe.

It's so sweet that is you know what You're right? That is very sweet. It's like a little it's like a little pixie in your car, like a little like Jimminy cricket.

Ship in your little driving buddy.

Yeah, it's a little driving fairy beeping at you because it cares about you.

Yeah. I mean when you have no one else in the car and you know, you just had a sad day at work and your little car engine goes, you know, just speaks to you. Yeah, it's his own little personal voice. You get too much to the car?

Yeah, I love I love that. I love you think? Do you but do you think that there's a danger in that? Do you feel like if you grow too if you grow too much of a too much, if you developed too strong of feelings for your little car fairy, doesn't that open them up to hurt you? Rose?

Yeah, but I don't get attached to many things. And it's just my car, because you know, not everything's forever, and so you got to say goodbye and you know in the moment it's just beautiful.

Well, I wanted to hear your roommate's noises.

Okay, because they want to hear your You need to say your favorite noise. I'm putting you on speakers.

I'm sorry if this echo my eyes fucked up in the in the stream. Hello, what's up? Who are you? Tell me everything? Tell me nothing, I would say.

My favorite noise is a really solid belly flop.

Oh ooh, a belly flop, because to me, a belly flop elicits like like it's like a for me, it's like a screech of on a chalkboard kind of thing where its physical pain somehow. Oh no, do your best impression of a belly flop for me.

My best impression. Uh here, I'll try my best on the floor.

I'm putting you on.

The floor now, got you cold and hard?

Okay?

Did you did you hear it?

No?

I was talking over you.

Do it?

Can you do it again?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Hold on, I was laying on the cold, hard floor.

Okay, how about that time.

I was talking over you again? Who's the last roommate? He hit me to the other roommate?

Oh yeah, hold on, thank.

You for thank you though, man, I appreciate that was a nice belly flop. Thank you for doing those belly flops?

Yeah, of course.

Okay, here's everyone else.

God damn my eyes are fucked up, but it's fine. How many more people are there is that is that their favorite noise? Yes, no, don't look, don't apologize. I would have actually actually hold I want you to know something about you apologizing. I would have been more offended if you didn't scream, because if you didn't scream, that would mean that you were lying to me about your favorite uh noise, and you were telling me something different because you thought that. You know, I would judge you

All from em Emily.

Emily, Oh my god, you were laughing in the thing. You're just you're your your call screener was just a laugh, and then you got An Emily at the end.

So I had a mouthful of food because yeah, we just were sitting down to eat our dinner and watch and watch your stream. And I was just laughing at Yack because I actually talked to you last night. I was at the Wiki thing and I was like, now, I'll feel bad if I get in because I don't want to be your I mean, this is only my second time. So anyways, yak, last night was your first, right, yeah, last night was my first.

Not that's a totally dad, I mean that's you know, who is that guy? Even it's a different guy, yeah, or is it? I don't even know at this point. It's a it's a it's a never ending identity crisis. Emily, what's for dinner? Real quick?

Okay, So Ethan also got in last night. We both were.

Remember you, I remember you guys, so I don't that was a different guy.

But yeah, oh yeah, sorry, Lyle. We talked to Lyle.

You talked to Lyle.

He was very comic, So right, I told him to tell you hi, though, So I'm excited to speak to you and say hi. Okay, so what we ate? We ate chicken? No, okay, let's say fare fried chicken, red beans and rice and carrots and chicken tendies. Oh my gosh in the spirit.

All right, all right, all right, Emily, I have a question. Yes, you have a lie.

Oh yes. So when this question came up, I thought immediately of my poor fourth grade self, and this is a this is like a family story that my family likes to make fun of me for. But guess when I was in fourth grade, which I feel like I blocked out of my memory, I do not remember that I wrote a Basically, we were supposed to write about one of our grandparents and do like a biography piece on them. And my grandma was born in Yugoslavia and she came over here and she had I think she

I mean, look, you're not doing anything different than what you know Hollywood does right in fiction stories. You're just you know, creatively adding extra beats.

Yeah, I just I don't think she's like forgiven me still, because she brings it up a lot, like she'll she'll be like, yeah, yeah, I mean.

A look, why does she care about, you know, an alternate history. It's as far as I'm concerned, it's it's it's you you. As far as I'm concerned, you wrote a fan fiction about your grandmother.

Exactly exactly could turn into a you know, and that's like the.

Original one day, exactly exactly the truth. I've what I feel like, the truth doesn't matter in life. That's the central theme of of my uh uh tits.

And yeah, yeah, I'm glad I found fiction, for sure. I don't think at that age I really understood the difference between like what a report needs to be in nonfiction and then it I think it. I think it was the beginnings of some creed. I don't know, I don't know. I just like always think about that as my like life because my parents like shamed me forever. We're also like Catholic, So I feel like I was always you know, in the booth with the priests.

What inspired now that you said fourth grade?

I think it was fourth grade?

Yeah, I mean you had a lust for sort of uh uh showmanship in a way at such a young age. I mean, that's that's pretty young to look at your grandma's story. I mean also fourth grade to look at your grandma's story and be like, let's add in some domestic abuse to spice it up. That's a that's pretty young to do that.

I think I don't know where I got it really, even like I definitely didn't grow up in that situation. I think I just I know fucked up? Right? Is it?

Is? It?

Is it fucked up? I mean, look, I look obviously obviously you know. Look if you told me, if you told me how old are you now?

I am twenty nine?

If you told me as a twenty nine year old, yeah, sometimes when I go to parties, I'll just tell people that my grandma used to, you know, get beaten, just because I think it makes me sound cool. Then yes, you'd be a psychopath. But that's that's you know, not uh, that's that's not the vibe that I get from you.

Yeah, I don't, I don't. I'm not proud of it.

You know, you're proud.

My grandma's a nice lady.

She really sounds like it.

She had a hard life, but like not that hard, you know.

I I, uh, who do you think had a harder life? Between you and your grandma?

Oh, my grandma. My grandpa actually just passed last year.

So sorry to hear that.

Yeah, it's okay. He yeah, he was a writer too, actually, yeah, but he wrote, yeah, he wrote, Yeah, he wrote like a biography of our family, and yeah, so maybe that's true.

And he and I like the idea that your grandpa and was writing the biography of your family and then he got to the part about your grandma and then he just fucking did the same thing, which would be even like like her grandma, like like the idea that your grandma's life is so boring that he would make himself look like an asshole and put in the same stuff that you put in because it's just so boring that he's willing to do that.

It was her first husband, so but yes, I see where you're going with it, and I yeah he would.

Uh.

I don't think he embellished that. He's more nonfiction. My dad is too, actually more nonfiction. I'm the one that just wants to make everything up.

Did you tell what?

What?

Did you what? I? Yeah, hold on, sorry, I'm startying. What was your excuse to your grandma? I want to know, like when she found out and she was pissed off, like, did you come up? Did you? Did you explain to her? Why you that you thought that she was boring?

I so I've been told this story back to me from my family so many times that I it's hard, you know how your memories kind of like shift into what your parents, like your parents tell back to you. I don't think I gave an explanation. I'm pretty sure I just burst into tears. Yeah, I don't think I gave her a good explanation.

I think I just you know, because that's the thing, right in fourth in fourth grade, your your bold enough to make you know, risky creative decisions, but not bold enough to defend them.

No. No, I I mean still to this day, if I think if somebody would challenge me on that, I'd probably burst into years to you. I don't know. Probably I'm sensitive.

I'm sensitive.

I think you know, look fourth grade, that was, you know, a long time ago. I think I think you're fine.

Yeah, I think I think I've moved past it, and I hope that she's forgiven me. Have She hasn't brought it up in a couple of years.

So probably for a reason, though, you think.

Maybe I should just like actually get her story now, like because I wish I could.

That's that that could be. Maybe that's maybe that is what you do if you if you feel if part of you feels such a such a you know, if there's if this is an itch that you got to get rid of here, that's that's maybe how you scratch it as you go out. You tell the real story.

Yeah, I'll get her to do a tell all. It'll be great and I will not budge the details. Okay, that's a good plan.

Beautiful, Well, Emily, you got a plan going. Uh. Thank you for calling in and you have a good rest of the night.

I love you, gre Thank you.

Take care bye.

All from Scott.

Scott gonna take me away, Scott, I gotta take me away, fever Scott.

Hey, what the hell.

Are we gonna do?

I was hoping you tell me.

Well, I have a couple of ideas.

Hit me.

We could run or we could fight.

So you do you?

Are you a fighter? Scott?

Not really? No? No, nah nah.

So if you're not a runner and you're not a fighter, what do you do when you encounter danger?

Danger? Well, my bike, so it's kind of dangerous.

What do you do if you encounter danger and you don't have a bike?

Scott? I guess I would run, but another runner?

So so then what are you gonna do? Scott? Fight? But you can't because you said you're not a fighter.

I guess I'll find a corner and I'll cower in my corner.

Scott, I think I figured it out.

What what you find out?

You're not a runner? Uh huh, you're not a fighter? Correct, You're a hider? Hide Scott.

No, I guess you're not wrong with that.

I have a question, Scott. Yes, what are you hiding from?

I'm hiding from the real world. I'm scared of it.

Do you see in the real world that are that you're hiding from?

H in general uncertainty, I don't know what you.

Like?

My future, the future what's gonna happen? Where do I go from here?

I don't know, Thomas Scott? Where is here? Where are we right now?

Right now? We are finishing up college.

M HM.

With a degree in insurance.

I might have a friend that you could talk to.

Excellent.

I'm just kidding. It was a guy code joke.

Oh I give it. I give a good job. I like it.

I liked the insurance. Why did you pick insurance?

Scott?

It was the quickest way for me to get out of college.

The quickest way for you to get out of college is to not go.

You got a point. But uh, I'm here five years.

In HM, So why are you so uncertain? It seems like do you not want to go do insurance? Whatever that would mean?

Yeah, yep, that's exactly it. I well, I'm also doing a certificate and music business because I like music. I make music, I know music related stuff. But my degree is insurance certificate. It's just kind of a thing. But like when I'm graduating in May, what's gonna happen? I don't know.

How would you feel about getting a job at an insurance company?

I mean, I'm sure it would pay well. Is not the worst thing? In the world, but waking up every morning telling myself, all right, let's go do insurance just doesn't sound like the plan.

Mm hmm.

Scott. If you could wave a magic Scott wand what would you do? What would you do?

I would? I think I would try and find myself giving myself a career path in music, particularly music production engineering, because like, I'm more of a hands on kind of guy. I don't really like paperwork office work. I like, I've always been my hands I want to get hands on with stuff. And because of like music, Hey, why not music production?

Scott? Do you make tiktoks?

I do not make tiktoks.

You gotta make tiktoks.

I guess I should. It's pretty yeah, I thought about it.

Don't think about Scott. You gotta go make some tiktoks.

She I guess I will.

That's That's the key. People are going to tell you to follow your treat. People are gonna tell you all kinds of things, but they won't tell you anything like actionable that you should do. I'm gonna tell you right now the actionable thing that you should do in this to make tiktoks.

Me my roommates have thought about it. I mean we're decently entertaining. I guess we could figure something out.

Oh yeah, got TikTok. TikTok fucked me up, dude, TikTok changed my life. How I'm doing this now? Dude? Look stupid?

Hey, I mean i'd see you're doing something. Would you say, are you following your dreams?

Right now?

I got a question for you. Yeah, you're following your dreams. You just what you want to do.

So actually, to give an alced answer to this question, I I've I used to have dreams, and then I really and then I decided that I don't. I think that having dreams is not helpful. I think I have Uh, how do I put this?

Like?

What's the what's the word? I'm trying to explain what I want to say here. But I have a goal in life as of right now, as of where I am in life, and I'm achieving that goal in a I have a very general sense goal, and that goal is that I want to be doing something interesting with my life. It doesn't matter so that way, if I if I if I only go after that goal, If I go after that goal and aneral sense, I don't

Right, right, I like what you said, like interesting, Like that's really what I want is I want to do something interesting, Like I don't want to work at McDonald. I want to work like I want to do something kind of cool, Like I used to work out of vinyl vinyl record pressing plant. That was pretty interesting, that was pretty cool, Like I want to do something like that.

You know, yeah, you know, I mean if I it's I mean, if I m if I keep using my my myself as an example, Like I think what I'm doing right I think what I'm doing right now is interesting to me. But you know, moving to freaking Thailand would be interesting. You know, it's starting a bottled water company could be interesting. You know, there's I think there's

Right, Yeah, I just want to do something something I can enjoy, which is a lot of things, but probably not insurance for sure.

Where do your interests lie?

Anything that I can get my hands on, and at the end of the day be like, hey, I'm happy with what I did. Like I like, I like the thing I've created. I like the thing I worked on. That sort of thing.

Should make tiktoks.

You know, not the worst idea ever.

I serious, it gives you like a thing, right because like, because I've been like making ship on the internet for a long time, but I would start like, I hope this is related to where we're talking, but I think I think it is, like I would I was making sure on the internet for a long time. But if you don't. The thing about TikTok is it forces you to be like, oh shit, I got to keep putting

Yeah, it's kind of a dream or the dream would be like make a good song if it gets popular on TikTok.

Hell yeah, I like, yes, I've made it.

But like even making tiktoks in general, Like I've tried to make YouTube videos, it's.

Hard to fuck don't make YouTube videos. Necessariusly making a uti videos, it's kind of a waste of time. You should make tiktoks.

Yeah, much shorter, much less effort, I guess.

Not necessarily less effort, but liked make songs and put them on TikTok. I think that's what you should do. It's like just a thing to be like, hey, I'm gonna get on my head for five seconds and like do some shit.

Yeah, I would like that. It was pretty nice.

What's your favorite insurance company?

Insurance company? Ooh, I mean my parents have been with a State Farm for like twenty five years, so I guess they're my favorite.

Shout out to State Farm, show US farm. And if you work for State Farm and you can hear this, send me an email so that you can get one hundred dollars for saying that beautiful? Would you say your name was Scott? Thanks for conn and Scott And I was about to apologize for yelling at you at the very beginning with my noises, But I'm not gonna apologize for that. I think I like doing that.

At first, I didn't realize you were actually talking to me. I thought it was someone else named Scott. But then I realized, Oh, you're actually coming through my phone. So here we are.

Hell yeah, thank you, Scott. I'll talk to you. Love you too, man.

Call from Scotty.

Yeah, Scott, Yeah, there's another Skerno. You're the new Scott.

I'm the next guy.

I heard you had the last Scout. I didn't like that.

Well, no, why didn't you all come on, Scott? Why didn't you like the last Scott? What the last got do to you?

Why is he going to school for insurance? It's the last thing he wants to do is insurance. I don't understand that.

I don't know me, probably because it's the funk. What did he say? Did he say his?

He was?

He was?

He probably? Look, he got he got, He got suckered into the system. He got suckered into the system, and he tried to find the best way out. I don't know. I don't know, ship, dude, I I I I have all these opinions about things, and then it's just and then I just step back and I'm like, what the fuck do I know about anything? What'd you go to school for? Scott?

I went to architecture school?

Are you an architect?

I am currently an architect.

Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that for you. Nothing better than a guy who made nothing better, honest to god, nothing's creamier. You know those satisfying memes or like satisfying videos of fucking things being crushed by hydraulic presses. Right, that's how I feel about you telling me that you went to school for architecture and now you're an architect.

You know what, it's creamier than that. I had like a third grade I had a I got into an art mentorship program because I used to like to paint and draw, and I was paired up with an architect because he likes to paint on So that's when I thought I'm going to be an architect. So so I carried that all the way through super creamy.

Right, do you like architect? Do you like what? Do you like what you do? Now?

I like doing it?

Yeah?

Do you have a favorite building?

I would say no, and Honestly, I keep hearing you say what thrills you to a lot of people, and I keep thinking, I'm on Reddit a lot. There's always a lot of things about what's your favorite, what's your what do you always remember? And I just I never have a favorite, And I gotta say, I can't remember the last time I was super thrilled about something, So I don't know.

That's part of Oh okay, So so you're here trying to figure out You're here trying to figure out what thrills you.

Maybe yeah, hmm, reserve that for something pretty pretty up there, pretty exciting, right, do you do you?

Well, let me ask you something, because you might not be. Are you a thrill seeker? Because if you're not looking for thrills, how the hell are you gonna find them if you're not seeking them?

I guess, I guess I don't know if I could call myself a thrilled seeker, right, I guess when I think of a thrill seeker at somebody jumping off buildings doing, you know, doing some pretty extreme things, I don't think I'm.

That, but no, but we've I think we've learned tonight that that's not true, you know, We've had many people call in who receive thrills of all different kinds of I mean, this whole stream. I've not had anyone answer the question with, you know, jumping out of a plane. I've heard masturbating, I've heard video games, I've heard what else? What have we heard here but relationships? No one's mentioned anything about jumping out of a plane yet, right, So what thrills you, mister architect?

And yeah, well so I enjoy life, right, but I still can't bring myself to say that anything I'm doing is thrilling me? Right, I do you know I've got I've got some children. They bring me enjoyment. But what thrills me is I think I've got a hard time with that.

Do you desire thrills?

Hmm?

I think there's certainly a part of me that think, you know that, that wonders if others are if others are being thrilled out there, I think, sure, I want to be thrilled.

Oh but I just got all right, but just now you said if others are being thrilled, you want to be thrilled? Yeah, yeah, okay, what do you think? What do you see out in the world that is thrilling others.

Ah, I think there are people that seem to be extremely passionate about well, even you know, even architects that seem to be so focused on on that or so passionate about that that that's all they do, right. They don't have they don't have time for other things. They spend all their time on that. And it's like, well, I don't really want to do.

That, Okay, what do you do outside of architecture?

I like enjoying my time with my family, you know, fixing things up at the house, just just kind of enjoying people, that sort of thing. But it but it would never be thrilling. I don't think.

I can't tell if you want thrills, you might be you might be fine without thrills. You seem like you got a good you seem to make you like what you do, You got a good fan. You may you probably make a lot of money. You're chilling. You don't seem like you need anything thrilling. But but also at the same time, I sort of hear in your voice the opposite. I hear that nothing mad, I'm hearing in your voice, and this is not me fucking going Uh,

Fuck it?

Whatever I was thinking of. But also I hear you know something is dying inside of you, mister architect, something you you wanna You want to build a fucking building and then jump off of it with a parachute? H Yeah, I hear that from you.

Maybe I think I'm sure, I'm I'm I'm fine, right, But do I want to just be fine? I think maybe maybe I want some thrilled. Yeah, I'm finding this out with you.

I think, what are you gonna do when I'm gone?

What?

I'm sorry? What did you? What did you say beforehand?

I said, I'm finding this out with you. Maybe I need to find some thrills for real, because sure, I'm fine, But but you keep asking what thrills people? And I think that there are people that are getting getting thrilled, and I'm wondering, what the hell can I need to get them thrilled?

Well, don't listen to me, don't listen to them, Listen to yourself, all right, because you don't want to be out here listening to Dom Green Gecko man on the computer having him convince you that you need more. Right right, I'm dumb as ship, dude. I don't know anything. All

I think that I'm in the progress of my first building that I could actually jump off of.

Mm hmm.

No other building that I've done is tell enough that this one it could. It could be telling.

That's how you're going to test it is by a bunch of jumping off of that ship.

Let's let's see the worst.

I hope it does call back. If it does, and if it doesn't, then it was nice knowing you.

All right.

Would you say your name.

Was well, I'm Scott number two, Scott.

Number two, thank you for calling in. Man, you have a good rest of the night.

Thank you too.

Holy shit, what's up, dude?

What's up?

Have we have we spoken before. Never What is your name?

Scott?

Get the fuck out are you? Are you one of the other Scots.

I'm Scott number three.

Get the fuck out of here. You're Scott number three.

Yeah, Scott number that's not even.

That's not even three Scots tonight. That's three Scotts in a row.

That's three Scotts in a row. And I bought a lottery ticket. I bought a lottery ticket of three numbers. And if I win, I'll give you half.

The tic tac Scott. Okay, yeah, what's what you gotta bake?

Let me let me okay, let me hear your lunch.

We'll wait, we'll wait.

Wait.

I don't want to jack myself off all night. I don't want to jack myself off all night over here. Okay, So butten, I'll just read the text that I sent to you and then you can.

No, don't read anything. Don't read anything. Who are you? What? What's up? Scott? You have a you have a baked potato in the microwave?

Just now?

Did you get it out? It was beeping?

Yeah?

I got it, I got it.

What was it? Was it a Potatoes't a potato?

Was it?

No?

It wasn't.

What was it?

Pious?

Tell me everything, Scott, tell me nothing. Who are you? What are you doing?

Well? The interesting thing is that, you know, the uh that I texted you about was that my wife left me for a fifty year old preacher, and uh what thrills me?

Uh?

You know what had been thrilling me. I guess I'm trying to step away from it. You know, I want to preface this by saying I am talking to a real therapist and all of that about all this. But you know, my wife left me for this fifty year old preacher, and what thrilled me was to kind of exposed that to everybody, and right, yeah, okay, And so

MM.

So you put who was in the group chat, the wife of the preacher, the kids of the pre who was in the group chat.

All those that's fair, Yeah, and brother.

Wow.

His mother.

Wow.

So you put all you put this guy's wife and all of his people in the group chat and you posted you you let them all know that he was cheating with your wife.

Yeah.

Wow. How how did they respond? What? What did they say back?

Well, they were religious, so they you know, we're saying that I was like, you know, satanic, and uh I was a demon and stuff like that. But one of them reached out to me.

What did they say when they reached out to you?

Uh, they just asked me about the situation.

Are you in many issues right now while you're talking to me?

No, I'm sitting outside.

Can you hear me?

Okay, yeah, I can hear you. Okay, what are we saying? Scott?

You there? Yeah, I'm here, I say.

So one of these people reached out to you. What did they say?

Uh?

I just asked me about the situations, and I told them about it, and then they found and they they confronted like they it was it was one of the people. They confronted him about it, and they caught him at her house and like they knocked on the door and then come joint and then they didn't answer, Like this person saw him walk into her house and said and and it was like someone in his him and they knocked on her door after them walked into her house, and he didn't He didn't the door.

That's what the persons.

Yeah, h but here's the kicker.

Okay, here's the kick.

Everybody, like everybody knows that they don't care.

They don't care. They don't care, like they don't care. You were telling me at the very beginning of this that that it's been thrilling you so much to make this Facebook ship and to you know, create this chaos. But how thrilling can it really be? Scott? If they don't care?

I know?

Right?

Does that piss you off? Do you wish that they were fear? They were furious?

Not anymore?

What are you gonna do? Now? What's next for you?

Scott?

Did you divorce her?

Wow?

Yeah, of course. Uh, I'm gonna take the l man, I'm gonna take the l.

Respect.

I've heard.

I've heard a lot of people call in and talk to you.

And you know, I thought the stream I love the stream on on Uh, I love the stream on Tuesday too, thank you? And uh, you know, shut you know, tell that guy he said, what that and uh, yeah. I mean, I'm gonna take the l and like I was saying, I heard a lot of people on here talking about you know, there's stuff, and I like, I like hearing about that.

Just mm hmm do you think.

Mm hmmm?

What was I gonna say? Are you gonna go out there and uh date again? Or are you going to take some time for yourself? What are you leaning towards how you're feeling?

I'm feeling great, man, Uh no, I'm not. You know what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get into like archery. I'm gonna get into like wit making, and I'm just gonna become a badass and uh you know, I don't be dramming.

I love it, man. Well, best of luck you Scott's Number three, Wacky number three, You too, man, talk to you soon.

I love you.

All.

From Ezra.

Ezra Ezra, Hello is this Ezra?

Uh? Yeah?

Hi?

What's so funny? Ezra?

I didn't think I was gonna actually get through and now I'm kind of like freaked out.

You know, why would you call a phone number if you weren't expecting someone to pick up the phone.

Why I call that?

I called like a lot of times. I guess I don't know. I kept thinking of why I was calling, and I thought of so many different reasons. Also, sorry, I don't know if like the mic quality is okay, but I just kept changing my mind on why I was calling.

You know, Well, first of all, is you never have to apologize to me for anything ever. But second of all, all right, so you said that you flipped hold on me once I have to charge my marapods. Ezra, stay there, stay on the line.

Ezra, I'm staying. I'm I'm sweating, man, I'm yeah, you're asking what real? Yeah?

Okay, Ezra, s all right, right, bear with me. Ezra. First of all, I don't know if you're just remember I'm not even I'm not. First of all, I'm not even live right now. I ended the stream twenty minutes ago, so it's just you and me just on the phone. But Ezra, you said that you you said that multiple different things went into your mind.

Yeah, is this is this volume?

Okay?

Yeah, you're fine, You're fine, Ezra. What tell me the things that were going through your mind is reasons why you might be calling it?

Well, uh, I've seen your stream pop up before, but I've never really stayed around that long, and I was like, oh, it'd be cool. Like when I was laying down and I decided to like smoke. I got nothing to be at to Friday night. I'm home alone, so I was like,

Are you? Are you nervous right now?

I don't know. I don't know. Like when I when I try to perform, or I try to tell people jokes or show people music I like or anything like that, I just I just start sweating in my heart.

Just you know, right, But do you would you consider I wouldn't consider what you're doing. Do you consider what you're doing right now to be a performance?

I struggle with trying to not perform, and it's gotten worse throughout my life trying. I'm getting more anxious over the years. It caused me to like want to be likable and kind of more uh, put on a performance throughout life to try to be more pleasing to other people.

Mmm, what kind of like? What do you think? How how could you articulate the difference between just who you are natural and who you are when you're performing? How would you describe that difference?

I've I've I'm trying not to read the chat. I'm really struggling with that. Actually, I feel like I've lost it somewhere. I don't really know. I feel like I'm probably always myself, but I don't really know who that is. And with dissociating and stuff like that, it makes it even harder to really firmly grasp who I am, like really anymore. And also like as you, as you age and shit changes, and I've had so much change in my life and I just I feel so different, but I maybe I'm the same.

How old are you?

I'm about to turn twenty.

When you earlier were talking to me about the different reasons you were thinking about calling and you so you were thinking about the stuff going on in your life? Right?

Yeah?

What is the stuff going on in your life that you were thinking.

About well, I was thinking about a few different things, but to summarize my situation right now, before COVID and stuff like that, I've always had a lot of family struggles, and I planned on leaving one day, and I decided to stay with my boyfriend for a while, but I had to go back because of COVID, And then during quarantine, my mom kicked me out, so I was homeless, and I went back to live with my boyfriend, but I

You know.

That's awesome. Do you feel better having sort of gotten your footing a bit?

Some Sometimes it's like a lot of times it's like hard to tell if things are better or worse, or if things are just different. If that makes sense.

Why did your mom kick you out?

There's a lot of My mom has a lot of issues, and I wanted to leave myself because it was always very toxic and stuff, and it was kind of crazy that she ended up kicking me out, and she said she was she'd always just say she's tired of my attitude and things like that, you know, but she put me through a crazy year the year before and it was just kind of really out of left field, and she just told me like to look for shelters and I don't know, Sorry if I'm kind of all over the place.

No, you're fine, man, m all right. So you said a few different things and you said, of you, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm I'm on backtracking. I'm thinking of what you said. You said, I'm thinking of a few different things. Yeah. Is there anything else that you were thinking of that you hadn't said already?

Yeah. Uh, I'm a little distracted because my roommates cat's attacking my cat off to the side.

Uh.

I was also oneed, is there anything that you're not allowed to talk about on here? Like? Is there anything sus?

Uh? Let's see. Uh don't say any slurs. But I didn't peg that of you. I think a first, do you you have a real therapist?

I had one once and I had a counselor before. Uh, I'm on a wait list, but things are tough, you know, and a lot of my cat's trying to eat weed.

Stop.

I think my thing is, you know, I'm not I've obviously not a real therapist. I'm not even a real person computer.

You can literally steer me anywhere. I can talk about anything forever. I'll talk I.

Mean you, but other but look other than that with you, you look you don't seem like you're gonna come at me with anything that fucking you know that. I'd be like, yeah, we can't. We can't talk about that. On here. You can talk about pretty much whatever you want and hit me, what's up? What's what? What do you what do you think? I'll think it's sus.

I can I can try to be like more.

You don't have to.

Try to be you don't have to try to be anything.

What were you?

What were you going to tell me?

I was just thinking about the whole thrills thing, and Okay, how I'm feeling very blasse? I guess you'd say, is I think that's the term with like life, and a lot of people around me and people my age are feeling the same way. And I don't know if it's an everywhere thing or because I'm in a small city, but thrilling, thrilling experiences is such a huge thing for everyone.

Yeah, absolutely, are you? Is that again? I'm not a real therapist, you know, but I mean, is that something that you're worried about happening with you?

I know I wouldn't be able to do it, just because of the way that my mind is. I know it wouldn't benefit me in any positive way. And it's it's just kind of crazy how abundant it is. And like my the people around me range all all over in their twenties and it's just so it's everywhere. It's just everyone all the time. And I didn't expect that, and I feel like I'm going to lose people. But I don't want to lose people. And that's not where I I don't draw happiness from that.

You know, what do you why do you feel like? And you sort of mentioned you sort of talked about this a little bit, but you know, if you wanted to elaborate why why do you feel like so many people are being drawn towards drugs where you.

Are, it's there's I try talking people out of it and things like that, and it's I guess it's a part of a part of it is because it's such a thing, like it's so normalized. Everyone's just like, what are we doing on the weekend? Oh, we're gonna get fucked up? Like it's what people do for fun, you know, like they're like, what do we want to do that'll make us feel something? Oh, let's all do drugs?

Are you talking like, you know, I'm curious, are you talking like smoking pot? Or are you talking about like popping pills? Stuff that's like a little bit harder than that.

Everyone smokes. Everyone smokes weed. That's not what I mean. Like that's a whole different kind of like thing. I mean, like Mollie is like super big, like that kind of molly shrooms all that stuff, you know, nothing like not like no one's like shooting up, you know, I hopefully.

Yeah, I think, well, I mean a lot of this is a very basic thing. And again I'm not a real person at all, but uh, you know, I feel like a lot of that happens, and you probably you were kind of saying, this is like if you have nothing else to do, yeah, that's what you do.

Do you have any opinion on it? Do you think it's like do you think it's chill?

Or do I think what's chill? Doing a bunch of molly and shrooms all the time?

Yeah?

Uh, it depends. It depends how you define chill.

Mm hmm.

Nah.

Uh, Well, well, well what do I mean. It's probably gotten way worse than COVID. It's you know, it's probably gotten way worse with COVID because people aren't allowed to fucking go outside, but even before I I think the tendency now is to blame everything on COVID, But I think even before, like you know, people were doing drugs because they're bored, long before COVID. I don't know. I don't have like an answer of any kind. But it's hard.

When you're in a small city and you run out of things to do in your first few years of life, and then you turn like nineteen and you get some new things to do. You know, and it gets very old quickly.

I've thought about this in general, like in life, how much is there? How much? It's it's so funny because I'm a strong believer in the op both sides of this is like, hey, you know, how much is there really to fucking do in in life? Like like when you think about like what, you go to a restaurant, you go to see it, you go out to a movie, Yeah, you see your friends.

I wish it didn't stress me out. I really wish that I was fine with everything and that I could do that and that it didn't freak me out. Like I feel like partially it's because of things I grew up around, like suss shit with like my mom and stuff, and it freaks me out. But I have struggled for so many.

What freaks you out? I was talking about a bunch of shit. What specifically from what I just said freaks you out?

Uh, like just the the I don't know IF's specifically what you're saying, but just thinking about like the normalization of everything and like seeing it all around me. It's just like it's not that I think it's bad, it's just you know, I don't even know Uh, I don't even know if this was what I'm meant to talk about. I guess there's nothing you're supposed to talk about. I just start to hate myself the more I talk.

Why. I don't know why. I don't hate yourself.

I can't really help it, you know. I would like to see sure, But I my dilemma. I'm a I'm a huge fucking extrovert. I love talking. I love people, and but the older and older I get, the worse my like anxiety gets and stuff like that. I I love to talk, though, So if you have anything you'd like to talk about, let me let.

Me ask you. Let me ask you one final thing. What you said you've been to therapy. Yeah, when you tell you, and I'm assuming you've you've talked about these similarish things that we've talked about tonight with your therapist. No, you haven't. No, I uh, that's because that's that's what I'm That's what I tell you. Anytime anyone comes on and and sort of talks about things where we're where, it's like they should talk about that with a real therapist.

I know, and now I I feel like I've wasted something.

I want to I want to No, no, no, no, that's just all fake. This isn't real. This is a no, no, no wrong. People are look for the past how long? For the past sixteen minutes? Everyone else, they're on this website watching people play fucking call of duty. That's not that's not any worse than what we're doing here. You didn't waste anything, so don't.

I just you're a new person, and i'd like to. I'd like to learn something of your thoughts. I'd like to. I don't know if gained something from the interaction is the right word. I've definitely gained something, I guess in not being a coward and actually calling in even though I'm terrified. You know, well, I'm.

Glad you did. Man. You know what's final? I was don't hate, don't hate? You know what's funny? I uh, I've been listening to Sometimes. What I'll do actually is I'll call in to other Reddit other something. A lot of other people will host call in shows on Reddit. Sometimes I'll call into their shows and yeah, and I've never it's there was some sort of fucking brain thing going on, because doing this stream does not make me nervous, even when there's like five it's it's like nervous, isn't

Nervous because you're Is it because you're the gag?

I guess? But when I call in to other people's shows for some reason, I get nervous. I'm like, I'm like, what the fuck is that? That makes no sense. It's fine, it's giving me more of a more of a idea of what it's like to be on the other side. And then I think about, like, you know what I'm talking I'm not nervous doing this by other people on the other side are nervous, and I know what that feels like now because I've been calling into other people's

Yeah, I uh, I don't. I don't even know, man. I also wanted to say, since it's your uh, I don't know if you change questions every night, like is that something you do or.

I'm crazy, man, I don't even exist. Man, you're we're both in a dream right now. What's up?

I just want to say, COVID. One of the things that pisses me off so much is uh that shows are canceled and then you can't pet people's dogs, because those two things that that gives me a thrill meeting people's dogs and falling in a mosh pit and getting fucking picked up.

Well, man, look you can. You can pet me anytime you want.

Thank you, mister gecko, of course.

Now what you say your name was doctor?

Are you a doctor? Gecko?

I have no idea what the hell I am? But who are you? What's your name? My name is Ezra, Ezra Well, Ezra man, thank you for calling in, dude, and uh well, best of luck to you. Go try to see a real therapist if you can about this stuff. But I appreciate your calling in. No, I think everyone should probably at least try therapy.

Iat.

Sorry, people have said something nice.

I'll talk to you soon, Ezra. Do take care, man, I thought people would be mean.

Thank you. Have a good night. Man.

Let her only goes on the line.

Taking his own calls every night.

He was teaching you