THE SINGLE CHEEKED MAN

Hey, folks, it's Lyle. Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I'm doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Premium members, or gek Legends as I call them, we'll be able to get every new and existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely

Call from Crow.

Hello, Hi, Hi, how are you hi?

Good? So I'll get right into what I would like to talk about. I've been wanting to talk about for a long time, So per se you are going to hook up or date somebody and you only have a singular butt cheek? Do you, uh, do you feel that you must discuss our preface to that person that you are missing an ash cheek?

Well, look you do you you you said.

Must, I guess not must, but like you.

Would obligated forget about obligate, you hit it in must because those are what is There's no authority in this in this universe that you, oh yeah, operating in so uh are you talking about? For your own sake?

It's something that has happened to me in the past that I just think about a lot. I have both of my butt cheeks, but I have met people who have not.

You've had You've met multiple people who don't have. How did I'm trying to I'm imagining in my head with that? Does that look like a guy with one leg?

So like in in the instance of somebody that I had dated before who didn't say anything about it, it was kind of like Nemo's little fin where there was like a little bit of a little bit of cushion on the skin but no cheek.

Cushion on the skin but no cheek, So was was it was his ass completely flat?

He hadn't the other cheeks, but his he had a good portion of his other one amputated.

I forget Marsa after he got what MRSA, is that a butt cheek disease?

Uh, it's infection in your blood?

I think, oh, okay, okay, so this is not you, okay, because I thought you had a one butt cheek and you were debating with it. To tell this is you have somehow, this is kind You're like a statistical anonymy. You've hooked up with multiple guys that only have one butt cheek.

No, just just the one. But I can't assume everybody has two butt cheeks after I've met like somebody that hasn't. So I just try not to.

Like, that's you know what, that's good, it's good. Easy. You shouldn't assume anything, but you know, can I just this has nothing to do with anything, But I like a girl hooking up with a guy. You I feel like, from the woman's perspective, you don't really see I'm like, when I'm thinking about various sexual positions, you don't even really see the guys.

But that much, No, that's that's that's why it took a while for me to like kind of find out I can't even in the room with me, And I like, are you are you missing a cheeks? And he was just like so nochal He was like yeah.

Well he well, I mean he was nonchalant because that's his life. But for you, it's like, yeah, shit, this guy's missing a buttcheet. But no, I'm trying to think of any I don't think there. I'm trying to think of any sexual position where you are even looking at a guy's but unless if you would be like pegging him.

Yeah, that I can't think of as any either. The thing is he also had an entire upper row of teeth, an extra one behind his front or yeah, behind his upper teeth. And I used to make the joke too him, how many teeth can you trade for a buttcheet? And he gets so mad.

He sounds like you're bullying this man.

Oh entirely.

Why did you guys meet?

We went to school together.

Okay, and so you okay, And you started this conversation by asking me if I feel as though somebody is obligated to disclose their missing butt cheek before hook or.

If personally you would be like, hey, I'm missing a butt cheek.

Are you saying that because did you feel swindled? Did you feel as though you signed up for a full cheeks man and received a single cheeks man? What was that?

No, No, not at all. I just was like reflecting on the situation myself because like I need to like walk with crutches and stuff, and sometimes like if I were to meet somebody like that I was first talking to online, I would prepase. I'm like, oh, yeah, I walk with crutches, And I was just like, I wonder if i'd do that if I was missing a butt cheek that was a properability or anything.

Well, I think if I were a little bit depends. I don't think I would bring it up on the first I wouldn't bring it up at dinner. I would probably if I would probably if if I only had one butt cheek and I was getting intimate with somebody new, I would probably bring it up, like right before we would take our clothes off, just so that they're not thrown off.

Yeah, it's like, you know, you asked like the SDD question, you asked the butt cheat question. God, get everything on the table.

So ever since you met this guy, have you started asking men how many butt cheeks they have, and if so, how is that? How what have The response has been, like I've.

Thought about it. I never have and everybody since has had bulf of their butt cheeks.

Did now the did you? Did you? Did you have a problem with the lack of the butt cheek? Did it? Was it a Did it impede your sexual experience at all?

No?

And I mean it's made a funny story for themainder of my days.

That's so funny that you you were making fun of this guy for having no What the fuck was that? Did you hear that? Just now?

No?

Okay, never mind, all right, we can't cut that product, or we can leave an on a good book anyway, all right, Oh, it's just funny to me that you were making fun of this guy, uh for like having one butt cheek, and he got he was upset by that. And now, however many years it's been since you stopped talking to him, you continue you can you continue to bully him for having one butt cheek?

Oh?

Yeah, he tried to kill me.

It's fine, he already tried to kill you.

He uh held me up against the wall by my neck and then pushed a knife to my stomach. Oh Jesus, Ye, well, yeah, you know, I think might have been all the anger from his buttons being gone. I think it really like torn.

Apart or so this is did you like date this guy or you were just kind of hooked out with him?

Yeah? I did the guy year.

How did what? How did things escalate to that?

Oh?

I don't. He was He's a little little unhinged. He just kind of wanted to do the thing of being like, I want to prove to you that I could kill you, so that you're like kind of afraid of me, so I'm gonna like kind of try.

To kill you.

Holy fuck.

We didn't stay together much longer after that.

Yeah, I feel like that would turn me off of one cheeked men forever. I would if I were you, I would forever look at, uh, the lack of two cheeks as an indicator of something much darker.

Yeah, we should like maybe on dating profiles or something like all right, age, height, zodiac sign, what cheeks data?

Not necessarily I got there are probably guys listening to this who only have one but cheet that are like, it's not all of us, but you're one for You're one for one on single cheeked guys being maniacs. How's your how's your dating life?

Now?

Are you?

Are you with the two cheeks a two cheeker?

Yep, he's got He's got both of his cheek and maybe a few extra in his basement.

That that that makes him sound worse than the first guy?

What you No? Not at all? He's great. We whip together.

That's good? Well, Crow, Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about before we go?

Honestly, I think that was it I got. My answer is great? Talking to you?

Great? Talking to you too. I wish you many more years of not getting threatened to buy knife point and of living a happy, healthy, beautiful life.

What do you?

What do you do? What do you do with your life?

I love pull prime artists?

Oh cool? What do you? What can art you?

Mac so? I make a lot of it out of recycled toys. I have a project with waste conservation of teaching like classes at libraries and stuff of kids and adults, or how to make different objects for things so they don't go in the garbage?

Nice? What so? Like you take things that people you'll take like a cup and turn it into a barbie.

More like you'll we'll take old barbies and tear them apart and turn the heads in the ear rings. Or my main thing is we'll take old like teddy bears and stuff and we'll we'll gut them and everything, and then we'll turn them into bags to backpacks.

Oh dude, you make the kind of ship from like Sid's Room from toy stories.

Yeah, I've heard that one a lot. That's a that's a nickname.

So you make terrifying looking toys.

Oh, I've done that before too. Some of them are genuinely really cute. But like a lot of times people request that I make them a bag and they like want an extra head out of it or something like, oh, okay, I could do that. I'm like, well, I got this body lighting around, so like I made like an elephant body baby head purse. That went's still for sett.

Have you ever made a doll with one but cheek? That kind of sounds like it's in the same vein.

Hey I didn't, But that sounds like a very therapeutic art project.

Or would it be like a reminder.

I'm not sure. One of my recent art pieces that I did is I took a big ball gown skirt, and I like sewn a bunch of old toys and stuff that was like from my house and stuff as a kid, and some new ones too, And my partner and I went out of the backyard and we lit the toys and stuff on fire, so they're all singed and melted and burned. And then I put it on a mannequin and the piece is called let go, and there was a little signe on the fid let go.

I like that. That's cool. Do you when you're looking at the toys melting, do you are you imagining them screaming in your head?

No? Not necessarily. It was kind of windy that day, so as the toys are melting, I'm going, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. My partners like whacking fire with a oven.

Mit.

Mmm, this is quite you. And this is your full time job, is making these these crazy things.

Yeah, I have an Etsy store and everything too, so that's been like part of my uh income as well.

But yeah, don't.

Drop your shiit. What's your Instagram.

Casual underscore crow?

Casual underscore crow. All right, I'll check out what's the most fucked up looking thing you've ever made?

Um? Okay, so this one there's a two part series where I had a Mario body that was a backpack with Chuck E. Cheese's head, and that one was named rat Face Stanley, and then there was another one that was Luigi's body with Garfield's head that was garfo.

Man, are you afraid? Are you ever afraid that like Nintendo is gonna come after you? Or who makes Garfield?

The Garfield kind kind of deal.

I've had copyright issues with like uh Etsy and stuff before, but a lot of the stuff I could like definitely say is parody. So there's yeah, but uh Etsy is like original piece of iman, Like, oh no, oh no, that's copyright. I'm like, this is a picture that I like thinking of my turtles.

But now, okay, now before we go, do you have what's your dream creation? What's your like thing that you let's say you had unlimited resources to create the most fucked up abomination that your your brain can conceive of? What what? What's? What's? What are we doing?

I'm imagining like a whole Have you seen the the art piece of the of the robot that bleeds and cleans itself up?

No, I'm I'm going to look that up.

I don't remember the official name of that. It's really cool. It's very sad, it's really cool. So I'm picturing like a like a white room and then uh on the floor, just like entirely melted mannequins, but there's still like parts of their scalp and tufts of hair, so you know what it was like supposed to be, although it's you know, just a pile of like skin tones.

How long have you been doing this for? How does one even get into this?

So I've done art for most of my life. I'm twenty three right now, and I went to school for graphic design and like kind of kicked and screened through the whole thing. But the time I was homeless, so I was like, well, I have to stay in college because like I don't have anywhere else to go. So I finished that degree and then I left, and I was just like, man, don't I don't know what to do. I don't really want to see your graphic design jobs.

That's awesome. It sounds like you've been through a ton of bullshit. I'm glad to hear that you're you're thriving doing something cool.

Thank you.

What a casual underscore Crow? Yep, all right, man, I'll check you out. I gotta do you have a picture on there of the Luigi Garfield. That's what I'm gonna be looking for.

I'm not sure there might be family.

Can you make Can you put my head on Spider Man's body and Scooby Doo's legs?

Yeah, okay, I would just need to like either find all the parts who are like order it. I get stuff for mikey Bay and stuff too of people that are just like, well, I don't want to throw this out and it's like broken too. Ways, I'm like, ah, part.

Man, No, I love this sounds like a cool idea. I'm gonna check you out, casual underscore Crow. All right, Crow, is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the computer or to me or to God before we go.

See after sex, keep both of your butt cheeks. Have a good night.

God, bless you, Carol, thank you all right, but my feet he man's uh legs, Homer Simpson's penis, uh sonics torso and give me what's ahead? Give me a head? Uh the penguin from surfs Up's head. Let's do that.

All from J Wally Hello, Hello, Hi, Hey, what's up?

Not much? What what's up with you?

Yeah, it's it's it's a it's a lonely night for me. Yeah, And I was watching the stream and stuff, so I figured I just call and chat with you.

What what's uh? Why is it so lonely?

I'm in a hotel right now, I'm on the road away from home for work, and uh, I was just watching the stream and stuff. Uh so yeah, that's why I tried to call. And I didn't expect to be on the line right now. I'm gonna I'm kind of scared.

What what are you traveling for for work? Okay? What do you do? I?

Uh, I do boring government stuff for a specific place in the world at the Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, all right, you work for the government of Does Canada have a government? I don't like, just what's going on over there? Do you guys do stuff? What's going on?

Uh yeah, I guess we're just a bunch of happy people drink maple syrup and stuff. But no, it's like it's like a USA two point zero, but with less guns and more thank you, more thank you?

Do do you feel? Do people say thank you more in Canada than in the US?

Oh?

Yeah, for sure. I went to the US a little bit, and I mean when people order stuff in restaurant, you rarely hear them say oh can I have this please? And then thank you. It's more like, yeah, I'm going to get that. But in Canada, if you don't say please and thank you, you're like a big asshole, you know.

So do you you're you're feeling lonely? Do you have Do you in general? Do you have friends and family?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, no, it's just that I'm like probably ten hours away from from my home right now, so I'm just staying in a hotel by myself tonight. But no, I'm not lonely in general. I have a pretty decent family and a really hot wife.

All right, So what the fuck are you calling me for? Go call your hot wife.

She's at a dinner right now. So that's why I'm lonely. She normally I would call her, but she's at a dinner with some friends.

By the way, that's a hilarious you Just the way you described that was hilarious. You said, I have a pretty decent family and a hot wife. So yeah, well, like what makes them pretty decent?

Well, I mean, it depends of your interpretation of pretty decent. But for me, pretty decent is like very very good.

Okay, you know what's because when you say pretty decent, that's like you you were like referring to your children as like they're okay, which, by the way, is just you know, a perfectly legitimate way.

Oh no, but I was more. I was more talking about my extended family because I don't have any kids. I just have a cat, a wife, and just like brothers, sisters and parents, that's who I was referring to. But no, we don't have any kids yet.

Okay, where did you meet your hot wife?

You know you're asking that question, and I feel like that's a great story to tell. I wasn't calling to tell that story, but if you want to hear it and tell you about it.

Well, you said, were you calling for something? You weren't calling for any particular reason.

Not really. I figured I was just gonna go on the fly and see what would happen. But now that you asked that question, I feel like it's a pretty decent, decent story to tell.

Okay, Well, now that I know that for you, decent is a good thing, I would love to hear the story.

Okay, I'll try to make it short. So I was working out of the province, and so for the American listeners, province it's just the Canadian word for states. So I was working out of province on construction back in the days, i'd say, like ten years ago, and I decided to sell my car when I came back from in my original province.

Uh.

So, I put my car on sale on a website that's called the KEYGGI it's like Craigslist, I guess, but we don't have Craigslist in Canada. So I was using that website. So I came back home from work and someone came to visit me to buy my car. And it's that hot lady that came. So we spent a couple hours together looking at the car drove and then she wasn't sure if she was gonna buy it or not.

Oh wow, that's pretty cool. Well that's cool that you still find her hot after ten years old.

I mean we're still pretty young too, so like I'm twenty nine and she's twenty nine two, so I mean we're not really old. So she's still hot and I think she has a lot of hotness left in her, if you know what I mean. So when people ask where we meet, I say, well we meet. We met on a car sales website. It's kind of weird, but that's how it happened. Some people meet him Tinder or Facebook dating. I guess we met on autotrader dot com.

You know, that's cool that you guys could say a lot of For some reason, people are like they think of twenty nine as like old, which is crazy to me.

Uh yeah, I mean they some people do think that it's kind of old. But for me. I don't think of it like that. I still have a because one thing I noticed is that when I turned eighteen, I feel like everything after that is just a number. Like I feel like I stayed pretty much the same person from eighteen to now. But I'm just getting older with the number, and also my body is getting shittier, but like you know that, the brain kind of stays the same.

You know, do you feel as though you're the same person at twenty nine as you were when you were nineteen?

Yeah?

Yeah, kind of yeah. I mean a little bit more responsibility with like money and adulting shit, But like I still feel like I'm the same person, because when you compare like twelve years old to fifteen to sixteen to eighteen, it feels like you're you're a different person every step of the way. But like now that I'm twenty nine, when I look back at when I was twenty, I feel like same person, just different age number.

No hmmm, uh yeah, I mean that's good. Like, well, I don't know, I every dude, I mean, for me, every fucking month of my life, I feel like I'm a different person every month. I'm like, man, last month, I was really fucking stupid, but this month I'm I'm finally a real adult.

Yeah, and what what is it that you did recently that make you think of yourself as too good person or as that you did something stupid? I'd like you to share that with us.

Oh, man, now you're the therapy. Get go. Let me think that's a good question. Man, that's a good question. I think. Ah, Man, just a lot of like, like I know, I'll get into an argument with somebody and then I'll be like, why was I upset about that thing?

You know?

Or like I'll uh uh, I don't know, just just just I had a funck. I wish I had a more specific example, but just general irresponsibility that I feel as though I uh uh learned from each day.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. But I mean if if, if you're not really able to find like a really precise explanation, maybe you're not a thing as stupid as you think you are. Right. Sometimes maybe it's just a matter of stopping looking where you are in life and being like, eh, the fuck I got it?

You know, Maybe maybe you're right. Maybe I'm too hard on myself.

Yeah, I mean, you're you're sitting I don't know if I don't know if you're sitting at home right now, or if it's like an office or anything. You don't You don't have to say that, but you have to look at what you've built. Right You have an audience right now. People are are watching you and they're obviously entertained by what you're doing. So I feel like you should be proud of yourself.

No Ah, thanks man, geez, you guys really are a lot nicer in Canada.

Yeah, I'm trying to represent my fellow Canadian's friend.

Well, you know, man, you man, you really called in like I'm alone in a hotel. I thought you were like suicidal.

Man.

You called in like I'm alone in a hotel room and what I'm gonna do? And I was like, you know, be your friend for you know, ten minutes and here and it's totally flipped. You've you've fucking you know, you got into my brain.

Yeah? Yeah, well, I mean the helper always needs to get help once in a while.

You know, what part of Canada are you in?

You?

Do you are?

You?

Are you anywhere near Toronto or Vancouver? Uh?

No, neither of neither of. I'm from the the only French part of Canada.

Oh, Montreal.

Yeah, well, Montreal is the biggest city of the province.

Yeah.

Do you I do you speak are you? Like, do you speak French?

Oh?

Yes, my first language is uh French. But I did work for over three four years in English provinces, so I'm able to learn English that way. Well.

It's funny because you I you your accent sounds Canadian, but there's you also do sound a little European, maybe, like like I would like if you told me you were German, I would believe you.

Well, I I guess that's uh, that's probably the the mixture of Canadian and uh, the French Canadian. Yeah, and I also learned my English and Alberta, so it probably sounds a little bit uh redneck Canadian. That's probably a reason too. So I have like probably I guess, three different accents in there. Mumm hmm.

So what does your wife do if you I still don't really know what you do.

Yeah, that that's pretty much it. I feel like it would be too boring and more complicated to get into that and in in back all and and that's not really the important thing. But my lovely hot wife works in uh, I guess, in the hospital healthcare kind of kind of thing. She do tests for hearts, brains, and nerves and ship some smart people. Thing that I can't really understand.

You know, sounds hot what I said, it sounds hot.

Yeah, it kind of sounds hot. Because one one of the tests she actually does is for for I guess, guys in general that have problem for their for their wieners to go up, you know, racild dysfunction. So there's a test that she puts electrodes on those guys is penises, and she fucking shocks them.

Have you ever asked her to do that to you?

No, I thought about it, but I never asked her. But now that you say it, I mean, I guess I should.

I well, I don't know. I don't know if is that. I think in the US, at least, like there's a thing you can't like be the patient of one of your family members. I think, like you can't have like your dad be your doctor and shit. But like I don't know, Canada, there's no fucking laws or anything, so you could probably do it there.

Yeah.

Well, with like I mean, if I don't know if you have a girlfriend or not, and you don't have to divulge that information. But I mean, if you had a girlfriend and she she was to be like a professional at shocking penises, yeah, would you like and and there's no like there's no issue with like policies and rules in regulation and like she's free to do anything she wants. Would you like ask her to shock your penis?

Ah, well, your your wife. Is she shocking hard penises or soft penises?

No, she's I assume.

Well if it's because if it's guys who are having a Rechtyle's function, I assume I assume she's shocking soft penises to make to like wake them up, make them hard again.

Yeah.

I I well, I mean I'm not really sure, but I guess if she's doing it because they can't have a boner. I mean, I I guess they're doing it to test the nerves.

And I haven't asked back. I have an answer to your question. The answer is no. And here's why, because of one of two things is gonna happen. Right, Either I'm gonna like it or I'm not. And if I don't like it, it's probably gonna be an unpleasant experience for me, and if I do like it now, I'm gonna have to fucking shock my penis every time I

I guess I guess i'd try it.

Yeah, she's a professional penis show.

Yeah, I mean she knows what is. She knows what she's doing, right, What like I mean the question, I mean, I feel like your response is is not a great one because I feel like you decided decide more on on on the fear side of your brain than like being adventurous. Uh, don't you think you're Like? Yeah, I feel like you prefer not to try just in case I like it. But what what's bad about liking it? You know, like, what are you afraid of about liking your penis getting shot?

Dude? Will you be my therapist? I actually need you in my life to tell me these things, correct, you know what. I don't know why, I don't know where. Over the years, I've like just lost myself. You know, You're right, man, You're right, I do know what. I'm being a little bit serious here. I I do live a lot of I I you know, I I put on a show like I'm you know, uh uh, not scared of anything. But I've been living by fear too much.

To shock my penis, y, Yeah, I don't feel like my wife would would ask you to shock your penis. But I was more talking about like your wife, if you had one, right, like my wife unfortunately is not for rent or for sale. So that's that's number one, but I would encourage you to find yourself a wife that could shock your penis. But coming back to that fear, I.

Made a picture of you with that quote underneath it to look at every morning when I wake up.

Do you think that the costume and the face paint you put is a way for you to like express your personality without actually being yourself, because yeah, you're afraid to express who you are wild being yourself.

No, it's not a fear thing, but it's a I mean, look, most most people who are going to hear this conversation right now, they hear it on audio, so they don't even like know that I'm wearing a costume right now. It's it's my voice, it's me. But you know, I mean, as far as the costume goes, h well, I just look if I if I had like a if I got on here and I was like, hey, folks, I'm Lyle and this is the Lyle Show starring me Lyle, you know, I'd feel like such a fucking douchebag. I

Yeah, And that's yeah, I guess, and that that's how you were able to become famous by being the therapy gecko.

Right, what's in what's in the mini bar of this hotel?

Uh? Do you mean like in my room?

Yeah?

No, there's a mini bars in hotels aren't really a thing in Canada, unfortunately, I.

Guess there's nothing in there. It's just like an empty refrigerator. Are you a drinker? Are Canadians big drinkers?

Uh?

They I'd say, yeah, I guess, I kid, probably probably more than in the US.

Yeah.

Yeah, especially i'd say in the eastern part of Canada. I guess we're pretty big beer drinker.

Yeah.

But yeah, Is there is there anything else that you wanted to share with me tonight?

You're you are? You were really pulling the fucking reverse Uno card on me right now. I was just about to say. I was like, all right, what do I know about you? You? You have a hot wife who shocks people's penises. Yeah, you work for the Canadian governments. Uh, you're in a hotel room right now?

Wait?

I forgot your name.

You can call me j J.

Yeah, I don't know Jay. Is there anything else? You seem like an interesting guy, I know that you're twenty nine. Is there anything else that you want to say or tell us before we go?

No, I I feel like I'll let some other people share their live story with you. But uh, it was great talking to you and also fun. Fun fact, for the last week, I've been going to sleep while listening to your podcast because your voice is it's so calming. Thanks man, And I know you're wondering, but no, I I haven't had any wet dreams because I've been listening to your party.

I was wondering that.

Because I know you were I just know it. I read you like a book, that's.

All you know. I like you, man. I totally thought this was going to be a bummer and I would have to convince you to, you know, fucking put the pills down. But you, you, you convinced me to fucking do that. So well. Thanks, thank you. Let me know what, uh you know where where I can pay you for your services? Just kidding, I'm not gonna do that, but ja from from from the French Canadian Province. Good talking to you, man, and keep living your your best life. Do you feel less lonely now?

Yeah?

I do feel less lonely. But I also hope that you will from from now on, you'll start, uh living your life a little bit further away from the fear side of your brain and be more adventurous.

All right, all right, I will don't need to pay me.

You don't need to pay me. You just you just needed to do that, and and it'll it'll make me go to heaven.

Right, I will shock my penis so that you can go to heaven.

That's great. My my hot wife and and and myself will be happy that you shocked your penis.

Hey, stay, stay frosting. Hey, you do see. I know I'm gonna like it. I know I'm gonna like it, And then I have to fucking go on Amazon and search. I don't even know what the medical term is for a penis shocking machine, and it probably costs several hundreds of dollars. But that's fear talking. God damn it, and I'm not living by that anymore.

Paul from Caroline.

Hello, whoa, what's up?

I got in that's crazy.

How you doing, Caroline?

I'm doing pretty good. How are you doing?

I'm doing good? Have we ever spoken before, Caroline?

No, we have not.

Well, Uh, what's up? With you. What's going on?

Oh, you know, just living life, trying to exist.

Okay, living life and trying to exist. That's the best thing you could ever try. That's really That's really what everybody's doing, whether they know they are or not.

That's fair, that's fair.

It's totally cool. If not, we can, uh, you know, just shoot the ship. But is there anything in particular that you called in to want to talk about?

Yeah? Actually, uh so, uh have a therapist, I rail, but why not talk to a get goo too about it? You know?

Sure?

So? Uh, I'm a lesbian woo uh and I've been dating my girlfriend for six years nice and we are trying to start getting into like open relationships stuff. Oh okay, and it's really scary.

Mmmm mmm tell me tell okay, so tell me what the uh uh? What led up to the trying?

Who?

Who brought it up? What? What? How did you? How did you get here?

I she brought it up first? Actually she so again, like about a year after us dating, she was just kind of like, hey, I think I'm a sexual and I'm like, okay, well I'm not, but I like what we have going on. And we've been riding that for about five years really?

Yeah, m okay, Yeah.

So I don't know. It's some of those things like the more I've looked into it, the more I've realized other people deal with this, and I wanted to become like a norm of like, hey, like it's okay to be nominogamous.

Mm. So your girlfriend, So your girlfriend told you she was a sexual, you said, five years ago? And so have you not had then?

Oh?

No, no, it's been it's been pu it was January or last year, not that I'm keeping tracks.

Okay, And so was it? So did she bring it up as kind of a like, listen, I'm asexual, and I know that you have a a desire which I cannot fail, and I I love you and want you to be able to fulfill your desire, So we should open open the gates essentially.

Yeah, Like she just she's she just knows that there's like things that she can't provide for me. But we have a very healthy and happy relationship otherwise.

Right, So what you're saying, you're scared? Why are you? What you tell me what the scaredness is about?

It's just the unknown. And also haven't like tried to date or flirt or hook up with anybody in six years, so you know it's kind of weird.

Well, is that is is the idea of like, I don't know what your what the game plan would be, but is the idea of like going hopping on the tinder or the the going to the club or doing whatever to try to go and like hook up with people. Is that is that like an exciting idea to you at all?

A little bit like I like, like I like things started with so that's nice, but like I'm just a generally awkward person.

Mm hmmm hmm. Yeah. Well, well if you're if the whole thing is like, oh I'm I hate the idea of going out and trying to get laid, is that it? Or is that not yet? But is that a part of it for me? Yeah?

No, not really, because like I don't know, I'm like, I'm not really like a one night stand kind of person. I've done it a couple of times and always felt really weird and bad. Okay, but it's also when I was trying to be straight and hook me up with guys and that sucked no offenseman, So so then what

Okay, are you like, what's your what's your therapist told you? You said you've talked to a therapist? What do they say.

That? Well, wait, we didn't get a ton into it. She was just kind of more affirming the like that it's okay to be scared and it's okay to be uncomfortable with things like this, and like, good job me and my girlfriends for trying to start something new and be open and communicate about it.

Yeah, yeah, I mean.

And she recommended a She recommended a book an audiobook I've been listening to it called panned pan Secure by Oh gosh, what's the what's the author's name, Jessica Firn pan Secure by Jessica Fern. It's all about different consensual non monogamy.

Mm hmm, okay, what's it? Pan secure? Yeah?

Sorry, polysecure polysecure, Oh.

Poly secure, poly secure. Okay, so you're trying to practice what what what they call ethical non monogamy? Yeah, okay, And like.

From what I've listened to of this book so far, it makes it seem like it's actually something that like a lot of people might benefit from, I'm sure, and like it's just not like a social norm and there's a lot of I guess, stigma around it and misunderstanding of what that means because there's so many Like the things that I've learned from this book so far is that there's so many different levels of consensual non monogamy.

Mmmm, what tell me about the like, like, is there an I don't know, there's a stupid question, but is there like a level that you identify with on these on these these levels that have been laid out for you?

Yeah, yeah, No, definitely, that's not a stupid question at all. I think it's kind of more of like there's like monogamish.

And monogamish.

Hate.

I hate that that's the term because it sounds no, what do you mean you hate that?

That's the term. That's a fantastic term, monogamish.

And also I didn't come up with it so I learned it.

That's you never heard that before. That's a great term to describe something.

It's you know, agama slash like open relationship where like most of the emotional and most like the emotional support you get comes from your main relationship. Again, I pardon anyone who's listening who I'm getting this wrong. I don't want to misquote the book, but you get essentially your emotional support from your main partner, and then any sexual support that you don't feel like you're lacking you can seek elsewhere.

M hm. You know you said that the book is making you realize that that there's a lot more people out there doing this than than maybe you had thought. And it's like, yeah, I mean, do you fucking human sexuality and emotions and relationships are like so infinitely complicated and very infinitely across the eight trillion people that live on the earth that like, you know, to con find it to one thing you know, is a crazy is to me a crazier idea than uh, you know, deviating

Uh, that's just what I'm figuring out. There's this app that I downloaded. I already forgot the name of it, but it's for like people like looking for you know, unconventional interactions and relationships and stuff, and like I don't live in a small town, but it's also not like a big city. So like I kind of scrolled through the entire the entire uh listing essentially already. I don't think that's gonna be the answer.

Okay, so you're not an app kind of gal.

Well, I mean to be fair, My my girlfriend and I we met on tender again six years ago, so like, I like, I do believe there's there's something.

To it, sure, And I don't know, I don't.

Even remember how to meet people, Like I've just been in a relationship for so long, so you.

Know, it's a weird. It's a weird thing being single because there's, uh, there's excitement to it as well. As anxiety to it.

Yeah, and the thing is like, it's I don't know, it's kind of the excitement of being like, oh, like maybe this will be something, but also not because I have a lot of supportant stuff that I need already, right, I'm not. I don't know. I was out with some friends the other night and like one of them who's by, she was like kind of flirting with me, and I was like, oh wow, I forgot what this is like because she's like aware of the whole becoming open situation.

It felt so it felt nice to be to be to be flirted with with this person. Did that did her flirting with you kind of like, uh make you? Because you said you were feeling scared about this whole thing and then here's a little sliver of it you're getting. You're you're flirting with somebody outside of your relationship. Uh that was that exciting to you? Did that? Did that help you navigate your your scaredness at all?

Yeah?

I definitely think so. And also just knowing that like my girlfriend is okay, with this. So it was just kind of like there was like no guilt involved.

Hmm.

And so it's like a whole new world because like it's just this whole thing where I don't know, society is just told us like, no, you're not supposed to do that. You're in a relationship. But like if the boundaries are set, you can act within those boundaries as much as you want.

Yeah, well, I don't I think that. You know, it's you can to two consenting adults can live beyond what society, uh you know tells them is what they're supposed to be doing. Yeah, And uh, I don't know. Also, it's just like it's not who gives a ship. It's not anyone else's life but yours, you know exactly. And people I've heard people say like, oh, polyamory doesn't work and whatever.

Yeah, it's.

I don't know.

Life's weird and relationships are weird, and I don't understand why we've made these rules that we live.

With Yeah, I agree. I mean, look, and that's not to say that people who who do have conventional relationships, you know, are doing it. Nobody are doing it wrong. Nobody's doing it.

Right, absolutely not, absolutely not.

Yeah, and then there's there's just everyone's just figuring out what works for them. What is your name again? It's Caroline, Caroline. How many times did ask you your name on this phone call?

Just once? Just one?

Okay, let's see, well what what? Uh? What's next for you? Caroline? What do you what? What's next in this journey that you're on.

That's the part I'm trying to figure out. It's kind of weird, like and I I don't know. My girlfriend I had like a long talk about it yesterday about like, sorry, like what does this look like? And a lot of it is unknown and we're just gonna kind of figure it out as we go.

Yeah, you know, I have to. I take relationship calls on here a lot because it's you know, such a It's not only the thing that people on here want to talk about, uh the most, but also just what everybody, I mean, people are obsessed with. They're obsessed with fucking

And again that's the whole.

That's the whole thing too, is like with you know, like again like the thing with society, and like again the media with songs and movies and everything. It's always like guy gets girl happy, two people together and everything's perfect. But that's not the case a lot.

Of the time, not at all.

Like it's so I don't know, I just I don't know. Part of me just wants to put that out there for anyone who's like, has dealt or is dealing with anything similar or will deal with in the future. Like you're not alone, Caroline.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Uh be chill and you know, live and let live.

Live live, unless if you're uh an ant in my car. My car was infested with ants a few months ago. Yeah, I hired somebody. I hired somebody to kill all of those and I did not let those ants live. So I can't as someone who's had.

An antifestation in their car as well, they deserve to die.

So there we go. We put a little asterisk nextill, next to live and let live that needed to be there. Thank you very much. Yeah, I have a good night care on.

Thank you.

You do.

You know? I bet an I bet ant relations I bet you know I'm talking all about all hell relationships are complicated. I bet ant relationships aren't complicated. I bet ants, well, ants talk, do they do the little antenna thing? But I bet ants just kind of fuck and that's it. I don't think ants get married. Are animals monogamous? People have done research about this, I'm sure, but I don't.

Uh?

Okay? All apparently wolves animals that mate for life gray wolf and an alpha male and his female partner are basically a power a couple in the wolf. To place in wolves, monogamy in animals, Now I'm on Wikipedia, there's social monogamy. I just realized, I'm trying to put this as like a one minute, end end book to this phone call.

But.

There's too much information here. Just go to the Wikipedia page for monogamy in animals and you know, scroll down it for about two seconds and then go play Minecraft. The relative size of male chesticles often reflect mating systems. All right, I'm gonna get off of this. Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every nine, everything goes. He's teaching you

The memory line, an expert